Back in the 18th century a abase varlet visits a jeweller's shop.


"So lets get this heterosexual. You say Prince Charming wants a fortunate dildo, 10 cm in girth and 40 cm in duration and encrusted with diamonds ?"

Buttoni, Prince Charming's page looked at the jeweler and nodded,"Indeed,"he agreed.

"Well we're justly out of bloodline at present squire,"the jeweller admitted,"We got ivory and glass, bronze even, but gold with ball field, well sorry squire, but there's no demand."

"His highness says he will take in you killed if you will not supply one,"Buttoni suggested.

"funfair enough, how does Thursday sound ?"

"Why not today ?"Buttoni.

"Got to crap a stamp squire, can't just pour molten gold down some hapless Slovack ‘ s ass maw anymore, wellness and safety device see ?"the jeweller complained

"Are you sure you are a jeweller and not the village idiot ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lord no sir, last year I come third gear in the village idiot competition, but I'm training hard for future year."

The jeweller knew a time waster when he saw one and Buttoni was a prime example. Everyone knew he was Prince Charming's love bitch.

Prince Boris or ‘ Prince Charming,'as they called him. Pretty as a peacock, bent grass as a bottle screw. Everyone knew. All the peeress loved him but he preferred taking it up the ass.

"When can I expect your sea captain to come so I can make a molding ?"the jeweller asked.

"It's for a woman you dog !"Buttoni sighed.

"I can do you a estimable field glass one for twenty five gulden,"the jeweller offered,"The carpet slipper we calls it on account of it being so smooth that it slips in easily."The chicken feed slipper."

"Why so cheap ?"Buttoni asked.

"Second handwriting, was the wife's mothers, cunt like a pail, it just needs a bit of a clean."

"Done !"Buttoni cried not realising he had been done as the drinking glass was actually made as an apprentice while and twice the sizing of any other.

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Buttoni rushed back to the palace. He liked his job as Sir Frederick Handley Page but he was not too lament on masses thinking he was Charming's devotee. The Prince was not gay, he was just shy with little girl with a talent for saying the wrong affair and when the time came either he couldn't get it up or he got too unrestrained and came in his pants. He was ok in the whorehause but back in 1750 marrying a whore was generally considered to be a bad move for the Royal Family PR wise.

"Your Highness !"he blustered,"I have just had this great idea."

"Not again,"Prince Charming sighed,"What is it this time ? Invade Soviet Russia, Dig a tunnel, build a glider in the loft, slay a dragon ?"

"A testis !"Buttoni cried,"delay a ball !"

"Baseball, lawn tennis ball ?"Charming asked.

"No a dancing, a big dance, a masked testis, invite all the eligible wenches,"Buttoni suggested.

"Mother tried that,"Charming remembered,"I spent the evening hiding in the loo !"

"But this clip we say you met your unfeigned dear and she left a love token and you have to detect her !"Buttoni enthused.

"And what sort of item ?"Charming asked.

"Her meth dildo !"Buttoni chuckled,"Look !"

Charming looked, he thought it was a large feeding bottle of schnapps Buttoni was carrying until he saw the shape.

"You have got to be kidding !"he gasped as he saw the giant,"Wow, can you imagine those botch up pampered simpering frigid bitches mother endeavor to palm me off with with that monster inside them !"

"Exactly !"Buttoni agreed as he surreptitiously tried to set his pants as his shaft swelled at the persuasion of it."And struggling to get the goliath inside their tight garden pink hairless cunts !"Buttoni suggested.

"And hairy ace Buttoni !"the Prince added.

"Actually it gets even better,"Buttoni chuckled."It's called a"Glass carpet slipper !"

"Actually,"Charming thought aloud,"With the mighty PR we can block about having a ball, we'll say it happened at the hold out masked ball !"

"And you'll marry the girl it fits ?"Buttoni suggested.

"If she's pretty !"Charming laughed,"But seriously.

"So shall we ?"Buttoni asked hopefully

"High five !"Charming agreed.


"We will say I met my true beloved at the disguised ball and she lost her Glass Slipper,"Charming explained to his mother and sire over breakfast,"And whosoever it fits I shall marry."

"Run the costings past my people and we'll get back to you,"queen Harald suggested.

"It is pouch money father not capital account,"Charming lied.

"Capital, I mean first-class !"power Harald cried,"I'm sick and tired of citizenry thinking there's something wrong with you."

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They put a small ad in the Bayerisch bugle the local free people ads news canvas and opened a minor shop on Munchen street with a waiting domain and a stall with a bed. Buttoni and Charming waited. Charming had disguised himself by wearing a Goth's smock, though the second joint length black leather boot with Au buckles kind of gave the game away.

"Hello, I think I might be the missy he's looking for ?"Helga one of the whores from Madame L'Oiseaux's establishment stated boldly.

"Indeed, come through. I am Buttoni valet to Prince Charming and this is my supporter Dumbkoph,"Buttoni explained as he indicated Prince Charming sitting there in camouflage.

"Is this yours my dear ? '' Buttoni asked as he brandished the 4 decimetre long dildo menacingly.

"You bloody pervert !"Helga cried,"I thought you meant a horseshoe !"and she slapped him round out the font and stormed out.

"Feisty,"Buttoni observed ruefully.

"Wonderful,"Charming sighed,"Maybe we should experience slayed a dragon."

"Yes,"Buttoni agreed,"Or maybe we are on the incorrect mainsheet ?"

Just then a beautiful young girl stepped into the shop,"Is this where we try the carpet slipper on ? '' she asked,"Only Mummy sent me."

"Actually it's a dildo,"Buttoni explained somewhat bluntly.

"Really ?"she gasped,"I did enquire where I lost mine."

"What ?"Charming asked.

"Oh yes my sound friend Queen City and I exchanged Dildoes last winter at the Winterfest, and I lost mine."the daughter admitted.

"Your good friend ?"Buttoni asked.

"Oh yes we shared a room at schoolhouse, and a bed on cold nights."the girlfriend explained,"But since I lost my dildo I have to get my housemaid Hetta to fist me when I get PMT."

Charming looked unsteady on his feet, a blood vessel in his forehead pulsed wildly,"Your Highness, are you all right ?"the girl asked.

"He has just cum in his pants,"Buttoni explained,"He has this problem."

"It really doesn't matter I'm gay too !"the young lady admitted,"Can I try it ?"

"Yes why not."Charming agreed.

"You're Prince Charming aren't you ?"the missy declared."Why are you wearing such a stupid camouflage ?"

"He is shy,"Buttoni explained,"But really why would you require to try a dildo when you're gay ?"

"Why not, I don't fancy men, he doesn't fancy char, sounds perfect !"the girl explained,"And with a nice big dildo to play with even better."

"Well then,"Butoni produced the glass dildo from a sack and suggested,"What do you retrieve of that ?"

"My god !"the girlfriend agreed,"It's huge !"

Her eyes were wide with greed as Buttoni handed it to her,"It's sooo often nicer than mine !"she said."So lovely and smooth !"

She looked round,"You don't expect ; You're not going to watch over are you ? You filthy swine ! Well at least shut away the door first."

And with that she sat down on the flooring, pulled up her tortuous skirt and underskirts and began to gently rub her clit.

"Do you have to keep an eye on ?"she asked.

"Absolutely,"Buttoni insisted as the female child tried to get a fingerbreadth up inside herself.

"Oh well do something useful then, can you suck my knocker ?"she asked as she undid the whacking on her bodice to expose her telling boobies.

Buttoni bent to the project,"And you, I do take in two of them."she reminded them."One each."

The Prince too leaned over the girl and began to suck her nipple.

"Ohhh that's sooo skilful !"she cooed as first one then two fingers slipped inside her moistening cunt.

"That's three fingerbreadth,"she said,"livelihood on."

She was frigging herself urgently now, four fingers slipped inside her, then the whole of her lilliputian manus as she fisted herself.

The girl gasped."Hetta usually takes over now, she has a bigger hand than me, but can we try it ?"

Buttoni reached for the dildo and handed it to the girl.

She pressed it against her snatch but it barely penetrated at all. Even though her slit was dilated enough to take her fist the dildo was much too all-inclusive to go more than 3 centimeters inside her.

"I need some lube."she said."Do you have any ?"

"Princy boy has probably cum in his pants by now if cum would facilitate ?"Buttoni suggested between sucks.

"Er yes."Prince Charming agreed as he dropped his breeches."supporter yourself."

The girl looked at Charming's long knock magnetic pole. A small drop of pre cum glistened on his cock end,"Er sorry,"Charming apologised."False alarm."

The girl smeared pre cum over the dildo."Why don't you shoot your load over the dildo to really lubricate it ?"she suggested.

"Why doesn't he stick it in you and really lubricate you, stretch your pussy and all that ?"Buttoni suggested.

"Because he's gay ducky, everyone knows that !"the girl explained.

"Damn you !"Prince Charming exclaimed."I am not gay, look I'll show you."

He lunged forward, tripped over his breeches and fell over the girl forcing her backwards and almost bashing her forefront on the floor.

"Ummm, you smell like a girl,"she whispered as he fumbled around repeatedly poking her with his tool until he finally found her cunt.

His shaft slipped easily into her velvety twat. He luxuriated in her fondness. It was like fucking a whore without having to see the clock or pay for it.

"Oi get on with it !"the daughter complained,"Shoot your load and let your varlet have a go !"

"Be calm I was enjoying that !"Charming exclaimed.

"You're not supposed to enjoy it,"the young lady complained,"Another ten minutes then all rightfield ?"

Charming was not too surely he could hold on for ten minute. The hatful of Bavaria swept through his mind. He was an Eagle soaring above the roof tops. He was in promised land with the angels. He was swimming in the Rhine. He was cumming. A splendid torrent of cum burst from his pecker and saturated her parts.

"Ohhhhh."he gasped.

"Oooooohhhh,"she responded.

"Will it fit ?"Buttoni asked,"Or shall I have a go ?"

"Of course of instruction it wont fit you moron,"the girl explained,"Look I'm gay. I lost my virtue to a girl. Now that I've been fucked by the Prince in front of attestor, I'm abode free."

"What ? you wanted me to fuck you ?"Prince Charming demanded.

"springiness the boy an orchard apple tree, got it in one.,"the girl replied.

"Do you have no respectfulness for me at all ?"Charming enquired.

"No. None."she replied.

"Buttoni, your knife please,"Charming asked.

"What do you want that for ?"the girl asked.

"Why to enlarge your bitch if you can't involve the dildo."he replied.

"All right, I'll try again."she agreed but no issue what military position she tried it in she could not force it more than than 5 centimeters inside her.

It was no estimable. It was far too large.

"You have twenty four hours."Charming insisted.

"But how ?"she pleaded.

"Its up to you."Charming insisted,"Send the others away. You fetch your overnight bag. Buttoni you mind the shop."

The little girl quickly rearranged her wear and went to the door.

"Where does that jeweller workplace ?"Prince Charming asked.

"Why in Wisebaden Strasse,"Buttoni replied,"But why ?"

"One methamphetamine dildo, a lot diluent, get the idea ?"the Prince suggested.

"But why, there are still wad of snatch to unfold ?"Buttoni asked in horror.

"I like that one,"Prince Charming declared,"Anyway, let's see if she is dolt enough to amount back.

"Errr,"the girl said,"There's quite a queue."

Buttoni went to the threshold, he let the young woman out and slammed the door quickly."Mine gott, they stretch to the town square."

"right field,"Prince Charming agreed,"We need a franchise."

"What ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lookalikes who look like me could guide number to rent my piazza !"Prince Charming suggested excitedly.

"And where do you find these masses ?"Buttoni asked.

"I don't. You do,"Prince Charming laughed."You have an hour, put the closed for lunch sign up."

Buttoni sneaked out the back door and headed for the Bier-Hause. He had a few pint of schnaps for Prussian braveness and headed for the precaution Barracks. He went to the heap and quickly recruited not only four viewpoint ins for the prince but a make out royal body guard for only a month pay from each.

Meanwhile Prince Charming introduced a nominal establishment fee for every missy who tried the dildo and set up a till on the shop counter and a tilt of the scale of charges, including try twice get a tertiary try free !

Within the time of day Buttoni sneaked back in the back way and Prince Charming sneaked out and left them to it.

Even the exhilaration of watching unseasoned ma'am trying to stuff a 400 millimeter dildo up their slit pales after a while and within the month most of the guardsmen had gone back to the barracks as lady friend after lady friend ruined their virtue trying to fuck a lump of glass.

confection hairless pink puss, big hairy cunts, neatly trimmed os pubis, untidy overgrown George W. Bush, some with nicks from shaving. Shy Whitney Young girl, raddled old witch, the eager, the shy, those coerced, not one could get the ogre even half way up.

Finally the queue dwindled and Buttoni shut up shop and returned to the palace to count the money.

The world-beater was delighted, the queen exasperated and so life returned to convention with Prince Charming sneaking down the bagnio every Tuesday Thursday and Saturday and poking the Captain James Cook most mornings.

The queen despaired of marrying Prince Charming off but one Lord's Day there was a kerfuffle at the castle gate. The pikesmen on guard duty were barring entry to an irate offspring adult female."Let me in !"a girl screamed."That Prince Charming bastard got me meaning !"

Prince Charming wandered down to the gate."That's him !"the lady friend howled.

"You're the fille from the shop !"he exclaimed.

"Six damned times I paid to try that damned dildo and you were not there once !"she snarled.

"Did it fit ?"he asked.

"No !"she snapped,"Of coures it didn't and I got pregnant !"

"Is it mine ?"he asked.

"Either that or it's immaculate conception, of course of action it is !"she snapped.

"Fair enough,"Prince Charming agreed,"Let her in, you had better meet mother."

"What just like that ?"she exclaimed.

"You haven't met mother,"he explained

He took the girl to his mother's sitting elbow room,"Ah female parent I am afraid I have made this girl pregnant,"he announced.

"Really, and what is her gens ?"the queen asked.

"No melodic theme,"Prince Charming admitted.

"Typical,"the girl sighed,"It's Ella, my supporter ring me clinker because I'm red hot !"

"Oh god you're a sapphic !"the pouf gasped.

"I was,"she admitted,"It's hard to be hot when you're throwing up every morning."

"And this is your intended ?"the queen asked.

"fountainhead lets face it,"Prince Charming declared,"When the child comes out there is picayune doubtfulness the dildo will go back in."

"Dildo, what dildo ?"the queen asked.

"Its this big unit of ammunition,"the girl said as she described the size with her hands,"And this long."

"And what pray do you see in this, this slut !"the fairy asked.

"She is aweless, self-willed, like women so she's unlikely to get off with a footman, she's ideal world-beater material,"he declared.

"So you think I'm headstrong, disrespectful and unlikely to chase footmen do you ?"the king enquired.

"Well two out of three isn't bad,"he laughed rather inappropriately.

"Oh well, if you must !"the pouf admitted,"So, ah cinder, what do you like about my son ?"

"He's loaded,"she admitted."mammy said I should give it a go. Actually he smells like a girl and I really liked it when he fucked me."

"Oh, that's good."Prince Charming agreed.

"We don't say ‘ ass'in the palace dear,"the faggot explained,"We say ‘ Make love'much to a lesser extent messy don't you think ? So, cinder, when did you reckon of getting married ?"

"Married ? no way !"the girl insisted,"I just want youngster support."

"well I'm sorry but we don't do that,"the queen insisted,"We are rather old fashioned so either you marry Charming or we lock you in the keep and musical rhythm you and starve you until you're not pregnant any more. ``

"Oh well in that pillowcase,"she said resignedly,"I suppose I will have to hold it some serious thought."

"Actually it's my night for the house of ill repute, how about we get a take away knockwurst and stay in and ascertain the handmaid fornicating instead."Prince Charming suggested.

"Yes dearly splendid melodic theme !"the pansy agreed.

"Not you mother, Cinders !"Prince Charming suggested.

"And if I don't ?"Cinders asked.

The queen mole rat looked askance at the girl,"We will get the take away and determine the servants fornicating you, two, maybe three at a sentence ?"

"Men or young lady ?"she asked.

"Men, fille, Equus caballus, andiron, the penguin from the zoo,"the fag explained,"Good god girl half the girls in the kingdom want to bed my Charming."

"All right, but no fishy job,"the girl agreed.

"Absolutely,"Prince Charming confirmed,"Just straight missionary would be good."

"You are not fucking me again !"the girl insisted.

"Not fucking dear, making love, it sounds so a good deal nicer,"the fag insisted.

"You liked it finale fourth dimension,"Prince Charming reminded her.

"Only because you smell like a girl,"she explained.

"Very fastidious my Charming, a bath every Friday and clean underpants every week,"the queen confirmed,"Anyway where is this renowned dildo, it does sound rather fun ?"

Prince Charming and the young lady looked at each former and burst out laughing.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well the female child wasn't pregnant after all, something Charming rapidly put right, Buttoni got some backers to put up 1000 guilders for the first unmarried young lady to get the dildo up and he made quite a decent concern out of it, girls paying to try it, men paying to check. The jeweler never did get paid and the pocket-sized dildo he made is probably still in caudex. Buttoni married clinker's booster Charlotte after he had a bath, doused himself in Eau de Koln and basically jumped her one dark. The queen had a replica glass dildo made in bonze which she greatly enjoys and the queen spends his clock time talking to his plants in the garden and meddling in politics like kings do.

And therein lies the moral of this narration, if you want to pull, hold a bath and hold out clean underpants