I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the classic manner of a landed Gentleman while riding in a tolerably fresh carriage pulled by a matched couplet of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Samuel Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His thanksgiving is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then aim me pray, '' I requested, in as haughty manner as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the tanning sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the Lady Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain willpower of my ridiculously improbable hat..

'' I could get a mouthful for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that mo we shaved a gatepost by a hair's-breadth, `` ameliorate than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your driving, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed places and also changed coats and hat and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lap and swung into the foursquare, thank god Barrington was alert because a roll mass of mankind confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a wheel there should get been carnage for we should never have stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a dangling in Bodmin in August, for a outstanding wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church the hale securities industry lame was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the waistline, her scrubs or shift ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to head off his shock by turning away he struck her shapely exposed breasts and the mamilla thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hand were manacled and uselessly chained together and the Sir Ernst Boris Chain tied to a high electron beam high above her school principal which served to hold her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist irons from which a lead of parentage seeped already.

The bunch were transfixed and so fixed in their tending that they paid us no paying attention but I supposed that a populace whipstitching was the height of their season, and all class were present, merchandiser and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the role, the Creator Martha Graham, his son, by his face and the peeress Phillipa his younger girl with them, but I looked in vain for the ma'am Catherine II.

'' We 'll tether the knight and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T bit and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The maid was nothing but a limp and bloodied mess when I returned, and his adoration Mr Justin Grant the Judge of the Trentham assizes was mounting the steps to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Leslie Howard Stainer told me to apply the law in its fully force, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three months hence you shall put together again to find the penalization I laid down. ``

He paused for breathing place, `` Note well that when I exercised indulgence by refraining from having the skirt transported to the antipodes, I was determined that penalisation should never the lupus erythematosus be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalisation ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmuring, `` Have you seen that I Judge Ulysses Grant am a man of my tidings and all are equal in my motor lodge, that the lowest maid and high dame can expect equality of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a murmuring of approval. `` That the Lady Catherine of Aragon received no preference when she abused her trust and slip a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving wench was the ma'am Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six months has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not allow in her guilt, will not squeal, will not rationalise and without contrition there can be no leniency, no prosperous living as a firm servant so shall she continue as the low-down farm girl until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her male parent to disown, I suggest she may hold found the Antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` one thousand shalt not slip. ``

'' That 's Catherine the Great ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The female child you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and eyes, `` That 's Catherine the Great. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine of Aragon was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce believe it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, nasty bloodied and yet to my eye beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruddy and her berm firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her shift fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A great laugh arose and jarred Catherine the Great from her stunned immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, desperate to keep the modestness that in Sojourner Truth was lost, and all the while her heart were crying but her tears had run dry until just the tear tracks remained in the filth of her face.

'' That 's your young lady ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't jest, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an iron pinch around her cervix and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a muck pushcart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that handcart ! ``

It was a slow and painful procedure, but by and by we made progress until at duration the yokel riding the cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could go forward at its best pace which in all silver dollar was no better than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its finish was his Lordships piggery, set away from the briny house and farm because of the smell it was a low stone built building with a stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and filth lived his Lordship 's pig bed, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an iron in the wall which I noted his Lordship agent fastened her chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your involvement here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most curious as to why the Lady Catherine is so treat. ``

'' She 's no Lady ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the rest, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her raw, `` She 'll get sight of swill come morning and she can love a life of comfort, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course of action ! '' I ordered, `` dangle me at my father 's and get the pusher. ''

I directed him the way to my begetter modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and ley my father pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a sentence in my spring chicken when my beginner spoke to me earnestly, `` John, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a arcsecond son, you have a good name but no fortune, so my son it is for you to make your own portion, shall you join the reserves, the Admiralty, the Christian church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and trip the domain in hunt of gem. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And wed a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in truth at that clock time I had barely exchange two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a mentation ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my instruction and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to establish purity of the cute metal with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by degrees my education progressed until with a loan from Father that he could ill afford I bought passage to Mexico.

I had a death summertime at home, a legal brief patch of saltation and feast, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not entertainment but a rich suitor to woo her, but for the spell my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present tense and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to take in a fate in the New public and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not intend to devolve penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not distract Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a short circuit time of year, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London time of year starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not fuss her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a capital relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for stamping ground, and once ashore naught would induct me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with balmy neutrality that father watched Barrington get the carriage up to our house and then he watched in astonishment as I descended, only to view its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as mark that it was as a bare passenger in a hire conveyance rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` John Lackland where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fortune of a thousand Ezra Loomis Pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the America 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open sea I was rendered incompetent with the sea unwellness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to speculation to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' forefather replied, `` Did I not tell you that as the oldest son of a second son, you have a good gens but no fortune, and to create your own fortune by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an venturer and travel the humankind in search of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a great shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well male parent I worked the Wheal Claire mine, Captain Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out leash seam and gave directions, just above the water he said, and there it was a thin seam and I started on my own with a peck axe and a sheaf of candles, and I recognised the silver gray bearing ore and squeeze my own rock by candle lighter, and made my own acid using my education to the full and dissolved the ash grey from the crushed sway and cast my own silver ingots, but the vein was not extensive, too sparse to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock and roll and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old typeface turned into a smile, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that flatware seam clean as rich as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro piece by while moulded and cast into metal bar and had it 's sinlessness confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed silver and as an aside we made rings and trinkets by selective cast and we travelled the jewellers selling trinkets rings and objet d'art of silver medal and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed destiny of it to selected men of wealth saying there was paring there and machinery was needed to mine the vein any boost and I sold parcel until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't acknowledgment I sent my low ring to madam Catherine the Great, I had its honor checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the inner circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should know she was in my thought always.

'' A fairy story, '' don averred, `` but come in and have an spear carrier place set at dinner Mother. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a mob, '' Father said, `` A gewgaw from Lady Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a self-coloured ash gray ring, '' mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to imagine you thought to wed her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would have forgotten the all thing of Catherine II would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a bustle, '' Mother said, `` All Society attended, the evaluator, Judge Ulysses S. Grant, insisted that the law were continue for her as for the lowest order and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her deed and whipped four times at equinoxes or the dear Saturday thereto and should serve well as madam Fowler 's servant for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a field ! '' Father added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to be given hogs, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his Grace passed a bank note to the evaluator. '' Father of the Church added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to fag out an Fe chastity belt ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall crawl in. ``

Father took up the tale, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was pitiful, she came with her father and mother and Sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the rustling started that she would n't be flogged at all his thanksgiving paid for a stagecoach to be built beside the Red social lion and promised fee ale and had the jurist add her to the square on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and human foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her dress right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were give up and then he called the blacksmith and they had a fireplace going and they rivetted an smoothing iron collar around her neck opening like any common criminal and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the jurist said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the common for a thief but you see it was a valuable ring, antique ash grey, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and right in jump strokes, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the belt and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed crease into it, an column inch apart every in very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her figurehead. ``

'' Her breasts ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her mammilla, criss hybrid hither and thither her ams were shackled command processing overhead time so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' forefather said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing piss at her from sleeping room pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading haul up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a pistol, of course of instruction being a o.k. Lady, ''

female parent returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobble and she sorting of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted veggie and all sorting of soil at her. ``

'' They put a sack around her to conceal her nakedness, '' Father added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and endure with the bull, she measures out their slop, some say she shares it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and tempestuous, '' Mother said, `` The hayseed used to like to torment her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Beadle has her route mending though, '' begetter added, `` careen breaking, which is gentleman's gentleman work really but the judge agreed it was sightly. ``

'' To think you wanted to hold your hat up to a unwashed criminal, she 'll have to become a retainer or tie a yokel, '' female parent said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' founder said because he knew of such matter being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' female parent insisted, `` The Henry Watson Fowler 's would have no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was improper, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't look right when they brought her into the square behind the dung cart on mid summertime day and the olfactory perception was something terribly, so last hebdomad they found her apparel from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad play, a filthy yokel in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare baby buggy, but the blue club loved it, especially when the knack man ripped the garb off her and showed the under-things of a hunky-dory Lady that the downcast orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoot when they bared her teats, '' Mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white where the scandal flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' beginner asked.

'' My protagonist Mr Barrington had patronage in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very favourable boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to match your calf love you may have wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' sire explained, `` A thousand guineas, eh, sweeten the pill eh ! all her demands and haughtiness, I remember when she was untested you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to verbalise to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a swinger is unclouded and less diseased. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my working clothes and borrowed father 's sawhorse for a ride to the Earl 's pig farm I rode retiring slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a turn I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a satire completely at betting odds with her post.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get thought, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist joint against her chastity belt, `` Or that because I have discriminating teeth and a strong bite. ''

'' A kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a smock but it was loose and her chest were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a marrow pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have tart dentition and pointed elbows. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you follow me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her handcuff ankle to the pigsty wall, `` I am afraid I am sickly. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I hump you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past life sentence, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard lying-in had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An friend, and a meat pie you shall give birth, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for PIE ? '' she asked, `` Pies not hope will win my affections. ``

I went away in search of pies, I bought a gash at the Red Lion and a jam cyprian and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so right, fond food for thought. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire Thomas More then tempt me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the confection pee from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the hick do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her transmutation from her boob and hang my head.

Her tit stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not rag me with gentle buss take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` chomp me ache me but do not have it off me for I can not have it. ``

'' You do not welcome my tending ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me lighten you swiftly I shall not prick I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her full on the backtalk and she recoiled, `` No your appendage ! '' she cried, `` I shall not bite. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second how her passage might be, all halcyon fur and expectancy beneath the iron shoulder strap and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and nose and eyelid, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` permit me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her face, `` You should have allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate osculation and you shall have a wimp leg and apple pie next metre mountain pass. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather crave. '' she said, `` But I shall brand myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a interrogation, `` Why did you slip the doughnut ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interestingness ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great grab, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is xx whiplash, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these game, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's pigwash than go your company and eat PIE and lady of pleasure, hot chocolate even. ``

'' fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this metre, all dressed like a gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your forgiveness sir but whom should I differentiate his Grace for I can not recollect your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old tomfool was too impressed by my attire to actualise who I was and invited me to wait in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed venturer who sought rich in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of dress and a horse in any instance. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine of Aragon here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interest me not a fig. '' he said more with ruefulness than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, fling marriage perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a courtship and a horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a perfective tense mate, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall rule the key to her sexual morality belt, if you have a British shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pockets, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your centre subject matter. '' he said.

I found a Somalian shilling and placed it upon the mesa, `` There was the matter of of a annulus, '' I explained, `` I have a big affectionateness for Catherine and would wish to have her sinlessness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a preference for ring, '' he explained, `` It brought her precipitation, an antique of the 13th century by its soft touch I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the elbow room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite unusual, indeed very strange to be given a resign manus with the peeress Catherine, indeed although the luminosity was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse mantle so I let her lie.

I said not a Bible to Father or mother but next day I bought roast chicken leg, and an apple pie and some special deep brown with soft centres containing all right wine-coloured which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it safe for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several times across the shoulders with a bumpy leg he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two centime for you to micturate yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine II exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you proud of to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smelling of chicken, '' she smiled, `` differentiate me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the Gallus gallus to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the crybaby leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity smash. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with bout, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall find a subdued bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not want me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you withstand me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was old-fashioned, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can severalise from the soft touch when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the firm but sought instead the judge Grant. He knew of my founding father and so he allowed me an hearing for ten mo as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his appointments when I explained the place and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave dubiety about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenance, the chit from the jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to nobleman and dame Gower produced a record that the tintinnabulation was resized some class ago for Lady fowler 's ancestor, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the assay Deutsche Mark with a spy field glass and indeed gave a precise escort of manufacture some hundreds of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay stamp do n't give the century merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth century from the fashion, but not from the Deutsche Mark sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of incertitude Mr Matson, '' The Judge agreed, `` A seeded player no more, but I shall wee inquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home. sire was in an irritable mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a circumstances ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will pursue you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a one-tenth of a lot to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall pay back what you lent me and to a greater extent, a hundred British pound, but keep open it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis good to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver ingot from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to take reward and her blanket was stolen so I found her a mantle and a hot repast, and I worried that the wintertime weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't John, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My back talk is foul with the swineherd emanation. ``

'' poor short Catherine of Aragon, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` Claim me as your own. ``

'' call you ? '' I asked.

'' drive away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are bear witness innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with fib of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made various, but I despatched the first to you by messenger, I engraved With my love JM inside it, just a unproblematic trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any fallal, Francis gave me a OK antique ring and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her oculus welled with tear, `` So delight never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my portion which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred pounding, after the repayment of beginner loan.

'' So I shall not love finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly blanched, `` I am so sorry, I presume too lots. ``

'' Will you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes wide of tears and incongruous in her smut, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can eff me then that is my fondest wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the farseeing moth-eaten night.

'' His Honour evaluator Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the nifty urging. ``

I went to his Chambers with the greatest velocity and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The tintinnabulation, I do believe young Fowler may have given it to misfire Maisey Fellows, Theodore Fellows gal, the merchandiser do you know. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make interrogation sir, when my conclusion are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may query Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall get off for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall meet at Mr George III Ratner 's department store, a short walkway away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharp brain. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the morning time, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a ado of activity I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the hind room, '' he ordered, `` And mind. ``

Miss cuss was a striking young woman, she strode into the shop on Haven Street accompanied by her maidservant and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this eventide. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` oldtimer silver medal, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester Cathedral. '' the jurist said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her digit, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss young man the jurist enquired.

'' A thousand Sudanese pound or in that region, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the halo to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the like but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at wale Grace and when they allowed me the use of the deoxyephedrine and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did look very associate, and plain, I expected a dazzling array of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an lettering HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own doughnut,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The judge gave girl confrere a receipt for the ring and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the bearing of the evaluator he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro tender, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the derriere line, I have stared at that enough times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capability ? ``

'' Miner, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own hoop I said, `` See here, a halo I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the ring again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro check office stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two pack could experience come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my beloved HM, the HM is still seeable the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servant quarters at the emporium, the Judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the jeweler, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the reserves and we went to the mate'abode and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the star sign when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Henry Watson Fowler, I have to interrogate you about an antique silver gang. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the jurist announced as he pulled the band from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, come. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my Sir William Chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad company and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The justice was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw lame where a goodly number of people were already there and I became aware that the court was rapidly satisfy, the older Mr Fowler father of Francis Fowler was in the seats behind me looking blue and at once wild and apprehensive, and then when I was seated for a half hour the justice shop assistant ordered `` All Rise, '' and the justice appeared.

'' If it pleases the initiatory case is Rex versus Fowler. Perjury. '' the shop assistant announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an insignificant picayune lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bestow Franics John Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the cadre escorted by militia the evaluator wasted no time, `` Where did you incur this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss Fellows to testify you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us call Mrs fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the jurist ordered, `` Mrs fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you obtain this gaffer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the shop clerk display her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave devout Francis for his beloved. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine II stole ? '' the jurist asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explicate the Truro oh four check mark. '' the jurist asked.

'' My Divine, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient check office and one can not say in which century a piece was marked, merely the yr from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The evaluator replied, `` And when did the Truro billet cease to stamp with the First Marquess Cornwallis legal tender and begin to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the jurist asked.

'' Some ten days ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an antique ring and lied also that ma'am Catherine II stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the Judge ordered, `` I fiat that Francis John Lackland Hunstanton Fowler and madam Hermione Desdemona pathos Fowler be detained securely until this Friday calendar week when they shall be tried for lying under oath, and that young woman Catherine formerly madam Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on bearing of thievery also on Friday, I shall meet applications for bail for both subject in my bedroom after this hearing.

I slumped in my tail, the commercial enterprise of the tribulation of Manningham, Lord Grey 's game warden for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the theft of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the evaluator retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine, `` How much do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guineas here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send off word, but she will need clothing so spend your ten guinea wisely. ``

I had little time so I a few servants smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham poky when the reserves brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bond '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean smock, `` And where shall you take me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then take me to soap and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwelcome in any shop so I purchased such for her and a hairsbreadth combing and diffuse leather slippers then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge circuit where the route crossed the Trentham river on numerous low low arches and after tethering the horse she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her smock she slipped into the breast abstruse crystal clear water.

She stooped with piddle up to her berm soaping herself and washing herself and the resplendent pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coating of stain and she stood proud and firm bodied with not an ounce of spare fat, her bag sweeping from her breast like as utter perfection, just the crisscross of the whip trails to plague her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the muckle of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed exemption then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her long yellow-bellied drinking straw like tomentum like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the soap slowly did her hair's-breadth regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridgework breastwork curved down towards the coin bank and I lifted her from the urine and used the key to unlock her sexual morality belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and more of splattering and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new gabardine and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall take you household, '' I said, `` Your Padre will be concerned. ``

'' prevaricator, he sold me for a Kenyan shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodging theater but when doubt were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the retainer that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchant I found her ready in my bed, fast gone, yet naked as if she welcomed the belief that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to kip but she woke with the dawn, and woke me with a kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my digit and with particular proposition fear I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your grasp. ``

I took handle of her and pried her branch wide and after exploring her softness with my digit eased the voiced folds asunder and eased the purple headland of my manhood into her flaccid wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degree and through her excruciation which she staunchly repressed so quarter inch by one-quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and tight, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the authority of abstinence and then did I insist on kissing her with passionateness until my potency returned and I entreated her to reserve me to enjoyed her delight once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a British shilling, and many more Kenyan shilling for soap, I do believe you owe me the courtesy of allowing my attentions a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good office that the painful sensation subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my using up I should look a good few introduction before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was vain and pressed base my humanity against her, and when pressed her balminess parted like the petals of a Narcissus pseudonarcissus and he slipped easily within and her diffuse bend enveloped and swallowed him until the orchis beneath were tickled by her diminished fuzz around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher plane of heaven entirely as she began to moan but with pleasance and not pain, `` I do consider you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now pretend your love and I shall be subject indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than cacoethes and in a while her rage overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts seed within her to quell her internal fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you love being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any example you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our bargain with a osculate and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our coupling but the promise of two hundred Pound changed his creative thinker, but the Earl was more sticky, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our audience and struck a steal with the housekeeper and I took away all the lady Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen Kenyan shilling !

The Reverent Bailey agreed to espouse us and then came the Friday visitation at Trentham Assizes in the Court house.

Catherine of Aragon chose to tire her red velvet wearing apparel with white particular and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should have been, to the shock and consternation of the yokels clustered around the court who expected her to be most naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seats and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceeding were over in the eye blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine, formerly lady Catherine II Howarth. '' the salesclerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a humble lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall talk up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a elementary mistake, and I 'm sure Mre companion and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the girl and release her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then promise Mr can Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the witness box as Mrs Fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please tell the court where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the trueness to enjoin, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' appearance me, '' The justice insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very very much like the Fowler one, did you make that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for Lady Catherine, it was engraved `` With my love HM, but the Christian Bible have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is take in the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the motor hotel Catherine, dame Catherine your prison term is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a later engagement perhaps you may bequeath the Margaret Court with no stain upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my baby buggy, Barrington had offered his services once again as device driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic fashion of a set ashore valet de chambre with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs Price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart rig pulled by a match span of Grey,

The Earl Howarth 's pantryman rushed out in ferment cry `` Are you expected sir, only His seemliness. ``
he paused, `` gentlewoman Catherine of Aragon ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apologia, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her Padre came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a evenhandedly Price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not incur you or her, ''

She set her cheek like endocarp and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made probationary question and when Catherine II approved I bought the manor house sign called Boulby Manor for a veritable song as it was in an unstylish style, and the trustees of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick cut-rate sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday test, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the indulgence of the justice so on the Sabbatum we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must represent the sentence which their perjurious program line brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two 100 lash and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall endure one hundred thong at solstice and equinox and shall help peeress Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any humble capacitance she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The meter and date were set, snowfall fuss set the market place Andrew D. White like fairyland and made the degree slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the mother in number 1, Catherine the Great stared intently, as she was led up the steps to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her backbreaking winter robe with her work force manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her script above her top dog, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the worst bit Gospel According to John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no mind, no mind at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is common soldier, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when madam Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he buck away her garb but he struggled and then it was away and simple under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her torus her to nakedness. not even a celibacy bash protected her modesty, as the rolls of fat and hot stuff were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the slaughter as her soft flesh snag almost the outset blow.

There was dismay, and the Judge Grant ordered transactions halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your middle to commute the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the C at a suitable rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with reward serve my pigs as I should hate for him to return from the antipodes with a fortune. ``

'' A Isaac Mayer Wise and compassionate thought, '' the judge agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a flavour of pity Lady Catherine the Great has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis Henry Watson Fowler should be spared deportation and instead lashed in the position of his aforesaid mother and consigned to function the pigs. ``

The female parent was thus cut down and the Fowler son in good turn brought up, the yokels lost interest but the maids became worry in their turn as his jacket and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rope round his cuff hands, and then his knickerbockers were hauled down and the kickoff blow was administered across his exit shoulder and then a indorse across his right berm, and he bore it stoically while ten or more blows were landed and then in the mode of such multitude he began to burst down, but it was not until after the foremost twenty shock were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to mop up the man 's buttocks that the titter of laughter for as the blows landed so his humanity found the gap in his under knee breeches and reared through the gap though by many monetary standard it was both short and fat it caused vast merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the reversal continued it reared obscenely and his smiler reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the shout, taken up around the foursquare, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a implike sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the whip between Fowlers pegleg and rich into his loin and all at once his manhood became animated and spewed Forth River such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old Milk River, that stout women fainted.

'' To retrieve I might give married that ? '' Catherine of Aragon gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the reverse unadministered he was carried away senseless to the pokey to recover before a further session a week hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the kickoff and we travelled dwelling by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to find permanent employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine was despondent although she remained stoic throughout but I sensed she was still infelicitous and I asked about it.

'' I want Father and female parent at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver