Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'whole world.

lifetime were hard back then

I were standing by fire in pit head office watching our eldest Lucy shovelling coal into railway wagon, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm William Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Godhead Blagthorpe, or that bastard Blagthorpe. I own pit and small town of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a reputation you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says get hitched with, we never wasted establishment on church or zip. Every bit of brass went into business.

Useless bitch she were and all. Seven bloody giirls her popped before her cried enough and went to kip in scanty room, well one of em, I had twelve bedrooms at shoemaker's last count.

I went outside to have a word,"Eee young girl thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee girl, he'll be in thee knickers next,"English cocker spaniel Drayton joked.

"clitoris it Cocker,"I says,"I means she's strong as any bloke,"I says.

"Well don't go geting any thought,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"Look here, thee'd frighten blokes dolt, now if thee's got any sensation thee's sell the honour to gamey bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you bid ?"she asked.

"Five bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must have been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after night. Table was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was crashing low as always.

"For half a bally top I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to relieve mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal dust off her while stripped to the waist by kitchen sink.

"Some blooming hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no bugger's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nobs, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hand so I can look after thee."

"So no other sodomite has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the nipple all stood up, face and tomentum all black, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but good manners for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no reason we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snap thee fiddling tool in half,"she challenged wi'her optic ablaze.

"Go and fuck the footling squawk,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out unthankful mare."

I found a golden guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah maintain it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more individual ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"Bend over table our Lucy I'll scoke thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a blank and Lucy dropped her mans breeches what she wore and bent over table.

Her womanhood 's percentage was all pinko and moist and me tadger was straining fit to bust so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were lucky he were straining as her thingy put up a fight as I went to prod her, I had to cling on to her whatsits to get a bit of purchase like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her unmentionables. Her moaned all satisfied like as I poked away at her.

It was bloody champion, her seemed to enjoy it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody ages. In the end when I shot me bolt I were blooming knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in front of me. It were inhuman, blinking uneatable like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made bloody muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her breeches up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on account of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Haddock and a bag o'french fries,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a kernel pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sort of nitty-gritty is it."

"Horse,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us have got pit ponies cheap when they're knackered."

"noble Blagthorpe to thee, any route round she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ causal agent I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a halo on me finger I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me goose egg,"

"Bloody nether region girl,"I says,"Thee don't knack around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, healthy, why she had a secure than average chance of bearing me a son. Me mind were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ Course I will,"she says,"Army of the Pure nip off down vicarage and set matter in motion."

"Bugger me tha'don't bent about.|"I admitted.

"I had a good teacher,"she smiled.

We picked up us snap and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your daughter !"he whined.

"Step daughter,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any route and me half sisters is all bastards."

"I wouldn't call all of em dickhead, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to organise, flowers, Bell, choir,"

"That's orchis is that,"Lucy says,"No flowers, no bells, no choir, no bloody image dresses, just call off the Banns, marry us part way through morning service and then us can get started on a son and heir for pa, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ course of action I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee love brass more than than anything so I ent going to originate off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the core, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of wanted prime and the unharmed bloody shebang.

We went back home, I expected Lucy to bunk in along with I but her said not till us was wed so I had to lay down do with Elsie and her solely let me poke her backside.

Three calendar week later we was wed. Bloody infernal region did I know it. I were crashing drained. Her wanted it morn midday and night, afore rupture fast, during morning fag interruption, crack time and after tea as well as bed time.

"You'll give me heart plan of attack !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the mo time in an time of day in pit office wi shop assistant and that trying to look t'other way.

"And all thee material will be mine,"she said her eyes ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee design,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were steadfast as a pit prop,"So what u'd thee variety if I popped me foul ?"

"rush our bloody Mam out for a start, and me bloody sisters,"she said,"Get a properly business firm what's easy to keep clean and tender handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her leap up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit lad what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a pointedness, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. Chuck her out and the Kid, send em down work house."

"You cauterise shit !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a ca-ca o adept none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that skillful three bed down Abbotoire road as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big sign of the zodiac out as flat, send the older little girl down pit, lend youngest to chimney sweep, and set our Mam up in her own whore house and electric charge her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me load in jounce."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on table cloth."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early grave you mark my Book,"cocker Drayton chief clerk muttered.

"I die glad,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll fuck thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were shock of me cracking a joke, low gear time in the 20 years he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what dearest does to thee .