Hannah.

'' Ah Godhead Pinkerton ? '' an hearten mature lady around my mother 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my cronies at the Misses Fotheringay 's ball at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my daughter molly ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of intoxication I believed I beheld an backer, a great visual modality in gleaming pure Stanford White, and at second gear glance an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasure, '' I agreed uncertainly for the gratifying Mull-berry wine had had its event on me.

'' I should hope not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may have two legs, two weapon system, two tit and two eyes, though remarkably dis interchangeable, but two Kuki Johnno, well you must draw a line somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented burp, `` Indeed. ``

poor Molly turned and fled as fast as her considerable bulk would allow.

'' You sir are an abhorrence ! '' the mother averred.

'' Fattening her up for Dec 25, '' Bobby Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump raspberry at Xmas ! ``

'' I 'd wish to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing French and English wine-colored so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' William Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one Chin, a thin weasel like face, a pin down shank, thin spindly leg beneath that robe I 'll wager, so how did you bear a sister elephant for a daughter ? '' It was said by way of an honorable hunting for the truth.

'' I shall not persist to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no insult madam, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my husband, Creator Garth. ``

'' That outstanding oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should quake in my the boot if it were me. ``

'' Madam, '' I added, `` I have no great desire to make love to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly favor you in my bed to that cracking ox of a daughter, for she would surely break the bed frame ! '' It seemed funny at the fourth dimension, you understand but the next thing Algy had to ill-use forward to stop the matron striking me.

I can not recall much of the evening after that, but in the fullness of time I awoke in a bed in the Red Lion Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun high in the noon day sky and the organ pipe and drum band of the Caithsby Militia playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my head, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not deadened ? '' an hostile distaff vox boomed around inside my skull.

'' No madam. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the night with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please hold open the noise down. '' I asked, `` My head is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my daughter molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' noblewoman Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you stand for to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely nothing madam, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than mollie, on news report of the lesser figure of Chin they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to shout, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical performance dash she tore at her bodice and through its mulct quaity and dainty needle work she dislodged but one solitary clitoris where she sought to expose her bosoms to quetch view.

'' Lord Pinkerton I am a married cleaning lady ! '' she protested and right on cue my door opened and there were mollie and the Inn steward 's maid as spectator and lord Garth himself, a frail brute of apparently octogenarian time of origin though in verity he was but sixty such it was said was the voracity of ma'am Garth 's night time demands that he had aged twenty years in the first base six calendar month of marriage.

'' Hold punishing young Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No theme sir, '' I explained, `` Your daughter is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` madam Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' Daddy Lord Pinkerton has shown entire disrespect for myself and our family, '' Molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig dearest, '' Godhead Garth admitted and nodding towards his wife he continued, `` And watch that one for she 'll eat you live sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my award, challenge him Lee Harvey Oswald, '' noblewoman Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win hands down, '' Maker Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a pass around the green, dear day. ``

noblewoman Garth stared in disbelief, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very wise man, dame Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you good day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Not until this topic is settled. ``

I groaned, my head was far from cleared yet, `` Then provide me some privateness that I may dress, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall remain, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my Night shirt clean over my head to stand naked, sadly unaware that my sidekick had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an hour, '' across my belly in lamp black in the depths of the night.

'' Oh ! '' Lady Garth cried in surprise, `` Its huge ! ``

'' Oh, its vast ! '' cried Molly in alarm,

'' Oohh, its huge, '' the maid said admiringly as sensing the scent of a woman my prong raised himself to his broad eight inches and to a greater extent of extension.

'' Put it away sir you will affright the horse cavalry, '' Godhead Garth said as he returned to search the causal agent of the tumult, `` Or else do someone an injury. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an injury, '' the amah simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me breeches, '' I cursed as my night shirt descended to drape itself around the root of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, stop staring, '' Lord Garth councelled, `` married woman come in away ! '' he repeated.

'' Mummy did he do it ? '' a wise voice asked.

I looked an another maid had appeared, dressed in a round-eyed blanched shift, her face like the female parent perhaps yet twenty years her junior, gamy eyed and blonde of hair, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the babe was porcine, bazaar of face where the sister was distinctly porcine, and she regaled my prong with a steely regard as her hair flowed untamed around her shoulders.

'' expect away girl ! '' God Almighty Garth cried, but to no help and though I knew it not at once the maid was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's vast ! '' she said, `` poor people Mummy ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' lady Garth cried, `` see away, normal men are not so well endowed, so venerate not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I know, probably not, '' Lady Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's daddy, '' she continued, `` He is ample, we are not. ``

'' Your girl is most forrard sir, '' I suggested as I tried to incubate my prong even as the multitude pushed into my room as more coupled to investigate the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only Molly would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the only prong long enough to penetrate the sybaritic mounds of flesh that protect Molly 's ah, honour ? ``

'' Yes in a nut shell. '' Lord Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one C ginzo of I shall describe that you abused me carnally in the Nox ! '' Lady Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a question ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' Lord Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and More that will attest to waking up with my lady Garth. ``

'' muteness you imbecile, '' peeress Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a cyprian ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the tiny room, the box bed and Mrs. Humphrey Ward robe encroached further and there was still no sign of my breeches, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you suppose we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the flooring ? '' I spread my limb encompassing indicating there was an deficiency of space, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of form ! '' the mother insisted.

'' And where should your spreading legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' God Almighty Garth agreed, `` The sides of the box bed would entrench most painfully. ``

'' With Mummy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the English fitted me, `` And where would her knees go. ? ``

There was a whisper of linen, a white holy man appeared and leap upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a knee joint each incline of my hip bones.

'' Your mother is neither lithe nor nimble as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is possible, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this instant ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too later for she began to sink down, as as she did she pulled her shifting and mine so that no one saw my prong slide up the front of her belly and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' lady Garth cried, `` Get off him this instant

'' stupid miss ! '' Lord Garth added.

'' She must consume a nothingness like a cow if she could acquire that without a whine, '' the maid observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the whole populace would have heard. ``

'' I stifled my scream, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three footing running at school ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' Liar ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised effort I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her hymen, it parted with a thigh-slapper that sent crows scattering a land mile hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never take the air again ! ``

'' The pain will exceed soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not bear it, '' she said and the teardrop flowed.

'' Just stay still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your pureness is inviolate ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' one-half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such exquisite pleasure that I could curb myself no further and I lay back eye closed to enjoy the moment of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you dare ! '' madam Garth exclaimed but suddenly my loins were pumping and a quart and more than of my stickiness surged Forth within poor Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` Mummy ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` semen away, quickly, you saw nothing nothing do you hear ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the door finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No matter, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington drunk and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three parting in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't require to, for when shall I ever feel a prize winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was resurgent and speared upward into her well lubricated entrails with the bang-up of ease.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed invasion, `` It 's immense ! ``

'' Is it too often ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and more ! ``

'' No, it 's, the family line curse, '' I explained, `` Few women can contain the whole of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are bawd, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to find the perfect woman who can take my entire length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to raise herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no force for she was so moist she slid right down to the very ascendant of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh Miss Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am stake, I fear the pain will never subside, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will draw and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in complete raptus and in a moment I shall solace your inner most component. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my ointment was already boiling Forth River from my lumbus, `` Please I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh noble no, '' and a cracking flood gushed from me and I saw Angel Falls and the completely heavenly host clapping and cheering and Hannah 's case had not the appearance of person in infliction, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never walk properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall require me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender woman might take my length and girth and bring me to the elevation of Adam, '' I explained, `` will you be my lady of pleasure ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed free of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall visit you regularly. ``

'' Every night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must drop the Nox with my husband, '' she declared, as she tried to stem the flood of my seed busily escaping her.

'' In that compositor's case marry me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the kind go but, '' she paused, `` I can not think of a single reason to refuse, except we do not live one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will live a animation of sobriety ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And stop chasing woman of the street ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will know me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't want to get hitched with a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a suitable stop she slipped from my room.

I found my clothes at duration and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would provide and ventured Forth, my friends had already been apprised of my betrothal by my intended fille Hannah and I sat down to my repast to answer their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what meal is this, a lately break-fast or an too soon lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall take High Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an idiot ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a ludicrous whimsy, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me ball bass, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like countenance yet within there is a cleft of eight in and more than ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your substance of uncovering ? ``

'' I pronged her of course of study ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` dash it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his pump set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estates they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with human sizing prongs not the ballock of a prize Taurus. ''

'' well that 's hardly my job is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if shepherds pie, fried eggs, bacon and love apple was an entirely wise choice for my meal.

The noonday came and with it my departure from the Southam Courtenay and its purlieu and for my take domicile, the Sir Thomas More enobled having stayed with the misfire Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay Court or the deposit house in the grounds and it was from there that a very angry Earl Marchington descended to rebuke me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his piglet little center bulging through immensely compact eyeglasses framed in the thickest physique I ever regaled as he bent his head up to comensate for his arched back and stumpy midst legs and a belly witnesser to seventy years and more of drink and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to fall away away the back way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` come forth that I might have satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to refund to the dining room to look him.

'' You abused my betroth ! '' he accused, `` I demand gratification ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords daughter is very accommodating, '' Bobby Fawkes suggested.

'' Satisfaction sir ! '' he said, `` A duel ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my doll ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your weapon ! ``

'' Prongs at break of day ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with insults ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall select two cocotte as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out forte is the victor. ``

'' I meant the longest, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's girl abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you know I feel inspiration. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a aroma to play off, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a well padded young charwoman waddling towards us, `` Might I hassle you for a dalliance ? '' he asked his addled brainiac mistaking the woman for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A flirt ? '' she demanded, `` A coquetry ! '' for far from the Landlord 's girl it was indeed mollie Garth, Hannah 's sister that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am incapable ! ''
I nearly burst my sides with the efforts of stifling my laughter

'' No sir, no but a flirting ? '' she said.

'' Dalliance, pronging, fornication, send for it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have inspiration and I demand gratification ! ``

'' Damn it girl, my Lord Earl Marchington has penury, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laughter, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly girl, '' he declared, `` I have inspiration ! ``

Fat ugly and slow moving as she was Molly was not entirely stupid, `` Oh then let me solace you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my room, no the dining board might suffice. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' Lend a hand Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could react both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a seconds thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased Molly towards the dining mesa, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For pity sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my shame I just stood aside and watched as mollie was pulled towards the table and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the work of a minute to deplume her skirts and underskirts up and so let on her bloated belly and the mass of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his boot lacing, his rear of tube around his ankles and his prong revealed, some four or five inch in distance yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her stomach and back again, it would never do, `` On the edge of the mesa ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and tabularise stood at the same pinnacle or thereabouts and at my summons so the mating began, a complicated affair, with Algy holding molly 's shoulders and Sam and Bobby holding her ramification asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the fur of her time slot.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

Poor mollie, she knew not what to reply so she held her clapper while the Earl amused himself for a few mo until his eyes rolled signifying his moment of dismission and at that very moment molly 's female parent stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the mother cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might knock ! ``

'' Un hired man my girl ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your daughter this is the Landlord 's amah, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a barbaric Sus scrofa ? ``

'' That sir is mollie my older daughter, '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Now rip your breech up sir lest the goose bumps on your backside frightens the horse. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your daughter you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding poor molly down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a large comfort of a frosty night, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and willing. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my lord, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the taper are blown out. '' he agreed, `` Look young Pinkerton, lets leave our duelling, you have the slender one and I 'll take aim the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a uppercase suggestion, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' Lady Garth intoned, `` We shall get the name changed on the wedlock licence forthwith, is three weeks the next Sat convenient for the wedding my lord. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall make it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall splice you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a sot and a fornicator ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do let my faults, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you marry me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very moment if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the God Almighty ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' Lord Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a three-fold celebration, save me a fortune do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' gentlewoman Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a gimcrack skate why not tell the reality ! ``

'' And where shall we live ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh lord knows, '' I replied, `` London, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the time of year, '' I explained.

'' But we must settle down, buy a house ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An Estate perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another mansion ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Four houses ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big ones, hundreds of Goth hovels of grade. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' Lady Garth interjected, `` We well know how prone to overstatement Lord Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the contrary Madam, I habitually down play my endowment so as not to frighten the fillies. ``

'' I do n't mean your prong ! '' lady Garth explained, `` I mean your wealth. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then material affair will not weigh. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she find such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right female parent ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I know ? '' the mother asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a servant that you have not at some prison term serviced, '' Godhead Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the look of Colonel Templeman about her do you not think ? ``

'' No ! '' Lady Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' Well she looks very finely in any case, '' I explained, `` So if you will explain us I shall remind my beloved of the advantage of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped elbow room it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very edge of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her authorise from the floor forcing my manhood so bass into her that she squealed and wailed in ecstasy even as she wrapped her ramification around me and I walked around the sleeping room supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .