Hannah.

'' Ah God Almighty Pinkerton ? '' an emboldened mature lady around my female parent 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my cronies at the girl Fotheringay 's ball at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my girl mollie ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of drunkenness I believed I beheld an angel, a great vision in gleaming virtuous Caucasian, and at back glance an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasure, '' I agreed uncertainly for the sweet Mull-berry wine-colored had had its burden on me.

'' I should hope not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may have two legs, two arms, two knocker and two heart, though remarkably dis alike, but two Kuki Johnno, well you must draw a course somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented burp, `` Indeed. ``

poor people mollie turned and fled as fast as her considerable bulk would allow.

'' You sir are an abomination ! '' the mother averred.

'' Fattening her up for Christmas, '' Bobby Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump bird at Christmas ! ``

'' I 'd like to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing French and side wines so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' William Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one Kuki, a flimsy weasel like fount, a constringe shank, slender spindly legs beneath that gown I 'll wager, so how did you conduct a sister elephant for a daughter ? '' It was said by way of an honest hunting for the truth.

'' I shall not remain to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no contumely Madam, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my husband, Jehovah Garth. ``

'' That enceinte oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should palpitate in my flush if it were me. ``

'' ma'am, '' I added, `` I have no great desire to ca-ca have sex to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly prefer you in my bed to that smashing ox of a daughter, for she would surely recrudesce the bed frame ! '' It seemed rum at the clip, you understand but the next matter Algy had to step forward to stop the matron striking me.

I can not recall much of the evening after that, but in the fullness of time I awoke in a bed in the Red Lion Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun high in the noon day sky and the pipe and drumfish stria of the Caithsby militia playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my head, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not dead ? '' an hostile female voice boomed around inside my skull.

'' No madam. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the night with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please proceed the noise down. '' I asked, `` My headspring is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my girl Molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' noblewoman Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you mean to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely nothing madam, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than mollie, on account of the lesser bit of chins they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to shout, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical style she tore at her bodice and through its fine quaity and exquisite needle study she dislodged but one solitary button where she sought to peril her bosoms to kick view.

'' Lord Pinkerton I am a married charwoman ! '' she protested and right on cue my threshold opened and there were Molly and the Inn keeper 's maidservant as witness and Godhead Garth himself, a weak wight of apparently octogenarian vintage though in trueness he was but sixty such it was said was the ravenousness of gentlewoman Garth 's night fourth dimension demands that he had aged twenty years in the starting time six months of marriage.

'' cargo area arduous young Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No idea sir, '' I explained, `` Your girl is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` noblewoman Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' dada Lord Pinkerton has shown entire discourtesy for myself and our family, '' Molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig dearest, '' Lord Garth admitted and nodding towards his married woman he continued, `` And watch that one for she 'll eat you live sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my purity, challenge him Oswald, '' peeress Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win hands down, '' Lord Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a walk around the park, well day. ``

lady Garth stared in incredulity, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very wise man, lady Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you dependable day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' dame Garth insisted, `` Not until this matter is settled. ``

I groaned, my brain was far from cleared yet, `` Then allow me some privacy that I may dress, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall remain, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my night shirt clean over my head to tolerate naked, sadly unaware that my cronies had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an hour, '' across my belly in lamp black in the depths of the night.

'' Oh ! '' Lady Garth cried in surprise, `` Its huge ! ``

'' Oh, its huge ! '' cried mollie in alarm,

'' Oohh, its huge, '' the housemaid said admiringly as sensing the scent of a woman my prong raised himself to his total eight inches and more of extension.

'' Put it away sir you will frighten the horses, '' God Almighty Garth said as he returned to seek the effort of the whirl, `` Or else do mortal an combat injury. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an combat injury, '' the housemaid simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me breeches, '' I cursed as my night shirt descended to drape itself around the source of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, stop staring, '' overlord Garth councelled, `` wife come away ! '' he repeated.

'' mamma did he do it ? '' a refreshful vox asked.

I looked an another maidservant had appeared, dressed in a unproblematic white switch, her face like the mother perhaps yet XX years her Jnr, dingy eyed and blond of pilus, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the babe was piggish, funfair of face where the sister was distinctly piggish, and she regaled my prong with a steely gaze as her hair flowed untamed around her shoulders.

'' Look away girl ! '' overlord Garth cried, but to no service and though I knew it not at once the maid was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's huge ! '' she said, `` Poor mum ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` face away, pattern men are not so well endowed, so fear not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I know, probably not, '' Lady Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's papa, '' she continued, `` He is rich, we are not. ``

'' Your daughter is most forward sir, '' I suggested as I tried to cover my prong even as the throng pushed into my room as more joined to investigate the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only Molly would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the only prong long enough to penetrate the toothsome hill of flesh that protect molly 's ah, honour ? ``

'' Yes in a nut shell. '' overlord Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one C guineas of I shall describe that you abused me carnally in the night ! '' Lady Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a question ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' noble Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and More that will bear witness to waking up with my lady Garth. ``

'' Silence you imbecile, '' Lady Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a whore ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the tiny way, the box bed and ward robe encroached further and there was still no preindication of my breeches, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you suppose we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the story ? '' I spread my arms panoptic indicating there was an inadequacy of place, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of course ! '' the female parent insisted.

'' And where should your spread legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' Lord Garth agreed, `` The sides of the box bed would impinge most painfully. ``

'' With Mummy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the sides fitted me, `` And where would her knee go. ? ``

There was a whisper of linen, a white holy man appeared and bound upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a knee each position of my hip bones.

'' Your female parent is neither lithe nor quick as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is possible, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this instant ! '' peeress Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too recently for she began to sink down, as as she did she pulled her shift key and mine so that no one saw my prong slide up the social movement of her abdomen and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' dame Garth cried, `` Get off him this second

'' Stupid girl ! '' overlord Garth added.

'' She must have a vacuum like a cow if she could train that without a whimper, '' the maid observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the unhurt earthly concern would take in heard. ``

'' I stifled my riot, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three terms running at shoal ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' Liar ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised movement I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her maidenhead, it parted with a thigh-slapper that sent vaporing scattering a mile hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never walk again ! ``

'' The annoyance will drop dead soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not hold it, '' she said and the tears flowed.

'' Just check still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your honour is intact ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such recherche pleasure that I could check myself no far and I lay back centre closed to love the moment of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you dare ! '' Lady Garth exclaimed but suddenly my loins were pumping and a quart and more of my stickiness surged forth within pitiable Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` Mummy ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` Come away, quickly, you saw nil nothing do you discover ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the door finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No matter, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington inebriate and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three persona in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't desire to, for when shall I ever experience a dirty money winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was resurgent and spear up upward into her well lubricated innards with the cracking of ease.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed intrusion, `` It 's huge ! ``

'' Is it too much ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and more ! ``

'' No, it 's, the family curse, '' I explained, `` Few women can take up the whole of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are working girl, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to get the hone woman who can take my entire length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to raise herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no event for she was so dampish she slid right down to the very tooth root of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh Miss Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am impaled, I fear the nuisance will never subside, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will pass and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in ended ecstasy and in a moment I shall soothe your inner most function. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my cream was already boiling Forth River from my loins, `` Please I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh master no, '' and a great violent stream gushed from me and I saw angels and the whole heavenly host clapping and cheering and Hannah 's face had not the appearance of individual in pain, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never take the air properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall want me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender womanhood might take my length and girth and bring me to the heights of disco biscuit, '' I explained, `` Will you be my working girl ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed free of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall chew the fat you regularly. ``

'' Every night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must spend the dark with my married man, '' she declared, as she tried to staunch the flood of my seed busily escaping her.

'' In that case marry me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the variety go but, '' she paused, `` I can not think of a single reason to decline, except we do not know one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will survive a life story of sobriety ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And stop chasing whores ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will eff me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't want to get hitched with a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a suitable time period she slipped from my room.

I found my clothes at length and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would earmark and ventured forth, my supporter had already been apprised of my espousal by my intended Miss Hannah and I sat down to my meal to answer their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what meal is this, a tardy break-fast or an other lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall take high-pitched Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an half-wit ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a ridiculous notion, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me ballock deep, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like endorsement yet within there is a cleft of eight inches and more ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your means of discovery ? ``

'' I pronged her of trend ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` pall it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his heart set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estates they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with human being size prongs not the nut of a prize bull. ''

'' Well that 's hardly my trouble is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if sheepman pie, fried nut, bacon and tomato was an entirely wise pick for my meal.

The midday came and with it my divergence from the Southam Courtenay and its environs and for my paying back home, the more enobled having stayed with the fille Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay Court or the file house in the grounds and it was from there that a very tempestuous Earl Marchington descended to rebuke me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his piggy little eyes bulging through immensely thick eyeglasses framed in the thickest figure I ever regaled as he bent his head up to comensate for his arched back and chunky thick wooden leg and a belly witness to seventy years and Sir Thomas More of drinking and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to skid away the backwards way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` ejaculate Forth that I might take in satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to return to the dining way to look him.

'' You abused my betrothed ! '' he accused, `` I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords daughter is very adapt, '' Bobby Fawkes suggested.

'' Satisfaction sir ! '' he said, `` A duel ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my wench ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your weapon ! ``

'' Prongs at dawn ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with revilement ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall take two whores as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out loudest is the winner. ``

'' I meant the retentive, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's daughter abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you know I feel stirrings. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a aroma to mate, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a well padded new woman waddling towards us, `` power I trouble you for a dalliance ? '' he asked his addled psyche mistaking the woman for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A dalliance ? '' she demanded, `` A flirtation ! '' for far from the Landlord 's girl it was indeed mollie Garth, Hannah 's sister that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am incapable ! ''
I nearly burst my face with the attempt of stifling my laughter

'' No sir, no but a dalliance ? '' she said.

'' Dalliance, pronging, fornication, squall it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have stirrings and I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Damn it fille, my Lord Earl Marchington has needs, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laughter, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly daughter, '' he declared, `` I have stirring ! ``

Fat ugly and slow up moving as she was Molly was not entirely pudden-head, `` Oh then let me console you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my room, no the dining table might suffice. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' Lend a hired hand Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could respond both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a seconds thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased mollie towards the dining board, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For pities sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my ignominy I just stood aside and watched as mollie was pulled towards the table and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the work of a mo to pull her skirts and underskirts up and so reveal her bloated belly and the bulk of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his boot lacing, his knickers around his ankle joint and his prong revealed, some four or five inches in length yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her belly and back again, it would never do, `` On the edge of the table ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and table stood at the same top or thereabouts and at my bidding so the coupling began, a complicated social occasion, with Algy holding molly 's shoulder joint and Sam and Bobby holding her legs asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the furs of her time slot.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

Poor Molly, she knew not what to reply so she held her tongue while the Earl amused himself for a few second until his eyes rolled signifying his moment of release and at that very minute mollie 's mother stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the mother cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might knock ! ``

'' Un hand my daughter ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your girl this is the Landlord 's maid, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a barbarian boar ? ``

'' That sir is mollie my older daughter, '' gentlewoman Garth insisted, `` Now pull your breeches up sir lest the twat bump on your fundament frightens the horses. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your daughter you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' lady Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding poor mollie down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a big comfort of a frosty night, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and bequeath. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my Godhead, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the candles are blown out. '' he agreed, `` Look young Pinkerton, lets leave our duelling, you have the thin one and I 'll require the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a chapiter suggestion, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' Lady Garth intoned, `` We shall get the name changed on the marriage licence forthwith, is three weeks the next Sat convenient for the nuptials my master. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall attain it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall get hitched with you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a drunkard and a fornicator ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do make my faults, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you marry me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very instant if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the lord ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' Lord Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a double solemnisation, spare me a luck do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a brassy skate why not recite the world ! ``

'' And where shall we live ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh lord knows, '' I replied, `` London, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the season, '' I explained.

'' But we must make up down, buy a sign ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An the three estates perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another house ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Little Joe houses ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big ones, hundreds of peasants shack of row. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' gentlewoman Garth interjected, `` We well know how prone to exaggeration Creator Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the contrary ma'am, I habitually down play my endowment so as not to fright the fillies. ``

'' I do n't intend your prong ! '' Lady Garth explained, `` I mean your wealth. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then substantial matter will not matter. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she find such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right field mother ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I have it away ? '' the mother asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a retainer that you have not at some time serviced, '' Lord Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the look of Colonel Templeman about her do you not intend ? ``

'' No ! '' Lady Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' well she looks very fine in any face, '' I explained, `` So if you will excuse us I shall remind my dear of the advantages of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped room it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very edge of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her shed light on from the floor forcing my humanity so deep into her that she squealed and wailed in ecstasy even as she wrapped her legs around me and I walked around the bedroom supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .