I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the Greco-Roman way of a land valet while riding in a tolerably smartness carriage pulled by a matched pair of gray, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my protagonist masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in upheaval battle cry `` Are you expected sir, only His thanksgiving is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as disdainful fashion as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the drubbing sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the noblewoman Catherine the Great ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain possession of my ridiculously grandiloquent hat..

'' I could get a perceptiveness for this whoremonger ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that minute we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` respectable than excavation, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as moneymaking, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your driving, you better let me tug ! ``

We changed situation and also changed coat and lid and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lick and swung into the public square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a rack there should ingest been carnage for we should never deliver stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a dangling in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden microscope stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church service the whole food market square was packed with all division and upon that stagecoach a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or shift ripped from her and dangling from the chain around her waist and her masked leather clad tormenter, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to invalidate his blast by turning away he struck her shapely reveal breasts and the nipple thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her script were manacled and uselessly chained together and the chain tied to a high beam high above her head which served to harbour her so she could do nada but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist Fe from which a trail of blood seeped already.

The crew were transfix and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no regard but I supposed that a world flagellation was the height of their time of year, and all classes were present, merchandiser and Goth, proletarian and nobleness indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating room set up for the purpose, the Lord William Franklin Graham, his son, by his side of meat and the madam Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine of Aragon.

'' We 'll tether the buck and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T bout and tethered the team outside the dragon Inn.

The maid was zero but a limp and bloodied mess hall when I returned, and his adoration Mr Justin Grant the Judge of the Trentham assizes was mounting the steps to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to hold the law in its wide-cut force-out, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three months hence you shall foregather again to witness the penalization I laid down. ``

He paused for breathing time, `` bank bill well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipode, I was determined that punishment should never the lupus erythematosus be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmuration, `` Have you seen that I justice Grant am a man of my word and all are be in my courts, that the lowest maid and highest Lady can expect equality of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a mutter of approval. `` That the madam Catherine of Aragon received no preference when she abused her trust and steal a trinket, as she called it, one that should be a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledgehammer hammer, the serving wench was the peeress Catherine the Great, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six months has she toiled in the champaign and six Sir Thomas More shall she labour, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not take on her guilty conscience, will not squeal, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no lenity, no slow life history as a house servant so shall she continue as the lowest farm girl until the after one yr and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her Labour Party for her father to disown, I suggest she may have found the Antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his spokesperson rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The missy you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ear and center, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine of Aragon was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a stealer, I could scarce believe it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, filthy bloodied and yet to my optic beautiful, though her haircloth was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruddy and her shoulder firmed and muscled, and then as the R-2 were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her shift fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A cracking joke arose and shake up Catherine from her kayoed immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, dire to uphold the modesty that in Sojourner Truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her tears had run dry until just the tear runway remained in the skank of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really prissy. ``

I realised she had an iron collar around her neck and she was taken down from the level and chained barefoot behind a droppings go-cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' find Catherine the Great, '' I suggested, `` Follow that handcart ! ``

It was a slow and unspeakable operation, but by and by we made forward motion until at length the yokel riding the cart saw we were no threat to them and pulled Catherine of Aragon aboard so the Ox could proceed at its best pace which in all honesty was no better than when Catherine the Great had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his Lordship pig farm, set away from the briny house and farm because of the smell it was a low Harlan Stone built edifice with a stone tile cap on timbre, and there in the mud and obscenity lived his Lordship 's pigs, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an smoothing iron in the rampart which I noted his Lordships agent fastened her string with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your interest here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most curious as to why the noblewoman Catherine is so treated. ``

'' She 's no madam ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the residue, '' he said and he tore away the stopping point of her clothes leaving her bare, `` She 'll get plenty of pigwash come morning and she can enjoy a life of rest, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, skillful day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` Drop me at my father 's and take the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my Padre small-scale abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pastures my founding father pretended to the reality that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a time in my youth when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` privy, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a bit son, you have a good name but no fortune, so my son it is for you to create your own luck, shall you fall in the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No beginner, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in hunting of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And tie a princess ? ``

'' No the noblewoman Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in truth at that time I had barely exchange two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my Education Department and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemical science and the way to found purity of the cute alloy with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by grade my education progressed until with a loanword from Father that he could ill afford I bought passage to Mexico.

I had a last summer at home, a legal brief spell of dances and fetes, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a rich suer to woo her, but for the patch my society sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fortune in the New World and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not think to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intent. ``

'' Then do not disorder Catherine II, you amuse her, but she has but a short season, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London time of year starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a great relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new human race that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with balmy disinterest that forefather watched Barrington repulse the perambulator up to our sign and then he watched in astonishment as I descended, only to view its disappearance when I had unloaded my own luggage as house that it was as a mere passenger in a hire conveyance rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was female parent that rushed to recognize me, `` John where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a hazard of a thousand Syrian pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the U.S.A. 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open ocean I was rendered incompetent with the sea malady, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships Rand and had to limp into Newlyn for fixture nothing would rush me to speculation to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha distinctive ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not assure you that as the onetime son of a second son, you have a good name but no fortune, and to produce your own fortune by joining the reserves, the Admiralty, the church building ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and travel the populace in search of hoarded wealth. ``

'' Then it 's a heavy shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well Fatherhood I worked the Wheal Claire mine, captain Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found atomic number 47. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead seams and gave management, just above the water he said, and there it was a thin furrow and I started on my own with a wad axe and a bundle of taper, and I recognised the Ag carriage ore and crushed my own stone by wax light luminousness, and made my own acid using my education to the wax and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock and cast my own flatware ingots, but the vein was not wide, too thin out to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposal to him. ''

'' His old aspect turned into a smiling, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver seam clean as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro piece by piece moulded and cast into ingots and had it 's whiteness confirmed and marked to essay it was indeed silver and as an aside we made gang and trinkets by selective molding and we travelled the jewelry maker selling novelty rings and opus of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed fate of it to selected men of wealth saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the nervure any further and I sold shares until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't cite I sent my first ring to Lady Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay authority and I sent it anonymously but within the inner circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should roll in the hay she was in my view always.

'' A fay chronicle, '' Father averred, `` but come in and have an extra place set at dinner party Mother. ``

'' What happened to gentlewoman Catherine II ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a halo, '' male parent said, `` A trinket from noblewoman Henry Watson Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver ring, '' Mother said, '' From noblewoman Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to suppose you thought to conjoin her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would have forgotten the whole thing of Catherine of Aragon would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a fuss, '' Mother said, `` All Society attended, the judge, Judge Grant, insisted that the law were preserve for her as for the grim social club and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four times at equinoctial point or the nearest Saturday thereto and should wait on as dame fowler 's servant for a twelvemonth and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend pig in a field ! '' Father added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to run hogs, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his thanksgiving passed a note to the justice. '' Father of the Church added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to tire an iron sexual abstention belt ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father took up the fib, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was deplorable, she came with her male parent and mother and babe and sidekick, she screamed for them pleaded her naturalness and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his free grace paid for a stage to be built beside the Red Leo and promised fee ale and had the justice bring her to the square on the Sat of the equinox all dressed up, but chained paw and metrical foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her apparel right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were costless and then he called the blacksmith and they had a open fireplace going and they rivetted an atomic number 26 apprehension around her neck like any common felon and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the common for a stealer but you see it was a worthful annulus, old geezer silver, and the hangman took up the whiplash and was merciless, left and right hand in alternate stroke, first he bared her nates so we could see the belt and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed lines into it, an inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her breasts ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her nipple, criss crossbreed hither and thither her ams were shackled budget items so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred whip and all she could say was'I 'm clean-handed .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Father said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing piddle at her from bedchamber pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her horseshoe and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading cart up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a handgun, of course being a very well gentlewoman, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she sort of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all kind of filth at her. ``

'' They put a poke around her to hide her nakedness, '' founder added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sopor and live with the grunter, she measures out their pigswill, some say she shares it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and furious, '' mother said, `` The yokels used to care to excruciate her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Wells Beadle has her road mending though, '' Father added, `` rock breaking, which is valet work really but the judge agreed it was fair. ``

'' To retrieve you wanted to harbour your hat up to a common felon, she 'll take to become a handmaiden or marry a hayseed, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a house of prostitution more like, '' Father said because he knew of such affair being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' female parent snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' female parent insisted, `` The Fowler 's would have no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was faulty, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't look right when they brought her into the lame behind the droppings handcart on mid summers day and the flavour was something awful, so last workweek they found her clothes from the manse and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad bid, a filthy bumpkin in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls give up carriage, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the bent man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a okay lady that the broken ordering may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoots when they bared her nipple, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily Edward Douglas White Jr. where the grime flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way domicile ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very lucky boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to equate your infatuation you may have got wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' forefather explained, `` A G guineas, eh, dulcorate the contraceptive pill eh ! all her demand and haughtiness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to speak to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is clear and less diseased. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my bring dress and borrowed Fatherhood 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's pig farm I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a Bend I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is prissy about it ? '' she asked with a satire completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled articulatio radiocarpea against her chastity swath, `` Or that because I have acutely teeth and a impregnable raciness. ''

'' A kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig pigswill sack for a smock but it was loose and her bosom were clearly displayed.

'' I can not run away you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a meat pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp tooth and pointed elbows. ``

'' Then a nitty-gritty pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you accompany me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her handcuff mortise joint to the pigpen wall, `` I am afraid I am ailing. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I know you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past life, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my arduous lying-in had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a centre pie you shall get, '' I promised, `` And a jam lady of pleasure if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pie ? '' she asked, `` Proto-Indo European not hope will win my warmness. ``

I went away in hunt of pie, I bought a slicing at the Red Panthera leo and a jam woman of the street and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the essence pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so good, warm food. '' she said and when I gave her the cocotte she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you trust more then tempt me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the sweetly piss from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the yokel do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her titty and bent-grass my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with gruntle kisses take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` snack me injure me but do not hump me for I can not have a bun in the oven it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my lip. '' she said and I kissed her replete on the lips and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not seize with teeth. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second gear how her passage might be, all gilt fur and anticipation beneath the atomic number 26 strap and it happened, uncontrollably my expelling started, splattering her chin and scent and eyelids, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seeded player from her brass, `` You should have allowed my osculation, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a farsighted passionate kiss and you shall own a chicken leg and apple pie side by side time pass. ``

'' And lead me all wanting, I think not, I should rather lust. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to wet-nurse you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a question, `` Why did you slip the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his female parent insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no enceinte catch, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty cilium, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your Father-God ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these secret plan, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's swill than live your company and eat PIE and woman of the street, chocolate even. ``

'' fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this time, all dressed like a valet and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your amnesty sir but whom should I tell his grace of God for I can not recall your name. ``

'' Matson, John the Evangelist Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too impressed by my garb to realise who I was and invited me to wait in the sitting room, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed venturer who sought rich in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some fate mining in Cornwall, enough for a case of clothes and a horse in any sheath. ``

'' And your ground for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her pastime me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a buck and no fortune, indeed you should be a perfective match, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall find the key to her chastity belt, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pockets, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your heart and soul content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the affair of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a great fondness for Catherine and would wish to have got her innocence proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for rings, '' he explained, `` It brought her ruination, an antique of the thirteenth century by its St. Mark I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the elbow room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite foreign, indeed very strange to be given a unloose mitt with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the light was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my sawhorse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a word to Father or mother but next day I bought roast chicken leg, and an orchard apple tree pie and some particular chocolate with flaccid centres containing fine wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it secure for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her respective time across the shoulder with a rough branch he had broken from a corner nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to pretend yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the scent of Gallus gallus, '' she smiled, `` differentiate me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a terms. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine of Aragon gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her virtue smash. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a British shilling. '' I told her and her centre welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall lay claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall determine a soft bed and then I shall lay claim you. ``

'' Do you not trust me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was antique, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its ancientness, it seems they can tell from the marks when the mob was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the jurist Grant. He knew of my Father-God and so he allowed me an interview for ten minutes as he was very in use, yet he called his man to cancel his appointee when I explained the situation and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubt about the grounds against her.

'' Did they have the provenance, the chit from the jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my reminiscence a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to Divine and noblewoman Gower produced a record that the doughnut was resized some age ago for dame Fowler 's ascendant, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the assay Simon Marks with a spy chicken feed and indeed gave a precise date of manufacturing some 100 of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except Assay tender do n't dedicate the 100 merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth century from the style, but not from the marking sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of doubtfulness Mr Matson, '' The Judge agreed, `` A seed no more, but I shall make enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his clock time and went home base. Father was in an irritable mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every bird in the County will go after you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fortune to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall give back what you lent me and Sir Thomas More, a hundred pounds, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis unspoiled to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my script. ``

I found him a silver ingot from my way, `` A alluviation, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than than I owed.

I went to see Catherine II again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to strike advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a cover and a hot meal, and I worried that the wintertime weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't St. John the Apostle, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My backtalk is foul with the swineherd emission. ``

'' poor people poor Catherine, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` lay claim me as your own. ``

'' Claim you ? '' I asked.

'' Take away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are examine guiltless, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with narration of Cornwall, `` Did you get my hoop ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the low to you by messenger, I engraved With my beloved JM inside it, just a simple gewgaw. ``

'' No, I never received any bangle, Francis gave me a ok antique annulus and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her eyes welled with binge, `` So delight never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in surfeit of two hundred pounds, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not savor finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so regretful, I presume too very much. ``

'' will you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig gunk but delight say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full of split and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my fondest want. ''

I went nursing home with the failing Light leaving her to collect sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the hanker dusty night.

'' His Honour evaluator Ulysses Simpson Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the keen urgency. ``

I went to his sleeping accommodation with the greatest velocity and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do believe unseasoned fowler may experience given it to Miss Maisey Fellows, Theodore blighter gal, the merchandiser do you acknowledge. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my decisions are questioned I make query, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall mail for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall satisfy at Mr George Ratner 's emporium, a short manner of walking away, '' he ordered, `` Ten shrewd mind. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the first light, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a fuss of bodily process I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner department store, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And listen. ``

Miss mate was a striking unseasoned woman, she strode into the shop on haven Street accompanied by her maiden and her mother, `` How daring you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` Antique silver, very rare, ''

'' A represent from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the Judge said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss dude the jurist enquired.

'' A thousand pounds or in that area, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turn they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the trademark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Lapp but this was minuscule different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal state of grace and when they allowed me the use of the glass and I also examined the annulus, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did search very familiar, and plain, I expected a fulgurous array of diamonds but this was simply evidently, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ringing,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester band. '' before I could cumulate my thoughts.

The judge gave Miss Fellows a receipt for the closed chain and asked that he might audience Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowlers gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the comportment of the Judge he said, `` I would say this 100. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the hind end tune, I have stared at that decent times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' mineworker, cartridge remover, and a very misfortunate Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own gang I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their playscript and peered in them and then at the ring again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro assay office postage stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two rings could have come from the same hurl ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the sleep gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a keepsake. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servants quarters at the Emporium, the Judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the bloke'dwelling house and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr fowler had barely walked in the mansion when the Judge approached him, `` Mr fowler, I have to interview you about an old geezer silver annulus. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the closed chain from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, come. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went base and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad company and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The justice was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square toes where a goodly number of people were already there and I became cognizant that the royal court was rapidly occupy, the older Mr Fowler father of Francis Henry Watson Fowler was in the tail behind me looking grim and at once angry and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hr the Judges shop clerk ordered `` All upgrade, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the first case is Rex versus Fowler. Perjury. '' the shop assistant announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an peanut short lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bring Franics John Lackland Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when Henry Watson Fowler appeared from the electric cell escorted by militia the judge wasted no clip, `` Where did you obtain this pack ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss blighter to evidence you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a sept heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us predict Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the jurist ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you obtain this antique ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dearest Francis for his beloved. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine of Aragon stole ? '' the judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four check mark. '' the Judge asked.

'' My God Almighty, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay office and one can not state in which century a piece was marked, merely the year from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The jurist replied, `` And when did the Truro billet cease to stamp with the Cornwallis mould and set out to use Truro. ``

'' I have no approximation, '' the lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the justice asked.

'' Some ten years ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an old-fashioned band and lied also that Lady Catherine stole the gang '' the judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the judge ordered, `` I order that Francis St. John the Apostle Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Friday week when they shall be tried for perjury, and that Miss Catherine of Aragon formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on rush of theft also on Friday, I shall experience applications for bail for both thing in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the business concern of the run of Manningham, Lord Second Earl Grey 's Gamekeeper for stealing of pheasants and Mister lavatory for the thievery of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at distance the jurist retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine II, `` How practically do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guineas here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send word, but she will take clothing so spend your ten guinea fowl wisely. ``

I had little clip so I a few servant smocks were all I could incur, and I was at Trentham jail when the militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bond '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a plum gabardine, `` And where shall you take me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then hold me to lather and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwelcome in any shop so I purchased such for her and a hair comb and soft leather slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge circuit where the route crossed the Trentham river on legion lowly low arches and after tethering the sawhorse she slipped over the breastwork and casting aside her gabardine she slipped into the white meat thick watch crystal clear water.

She stooped with water up to her berm soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coat of filth and she stood proud and fast bodied with not an Panthera uncia of spare fat, her udder sweeping from her breast like as utter paragon, just the crisscross of the whiplash trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the slew of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to recoil back out delightedly swishing her long yellow shuck like haircloth like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the soap slowly did her fuzz regain it 's aureate hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge breastwork curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the piddle and used the key to unlock her sexual morality belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and to a greater extent of splashing and frolicking before she felt clean house and donned a new gaberdine and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall ask you home, '' I said, `` Your forefather will be concerned. ``

'' Liar, he sold me for a Ugandan shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a accommodate house but when questions were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the handmaid that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sombre eve with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her fix in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her external respiration and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dawn, and woke me with a candy kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my finger's breadth and with specific care I explored where the celibacy smash had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your hold. ``

I took hold of her and pried her branch all-embracing and after exploring her womanishness with my fingers eased the soft folds asunder and eased the purple school principal of my manhood into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her agony which she staunchly repressed so fourth part inch by twenty-five percent inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and besotted, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potentiality returned and I entreated her to allow me to enjoyed her pleasure once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many Sir Thomas More Somalian shilling for goop, I do believe you owe me the good manners of allowing my attentions a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The interpolation, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good self-assurance that the pain subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should bear a practiced few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that immunity was bootless and pressed home my humanness against her, and when pressed her gentleness parted like the flower petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her easy flexure enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her small hairs around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher plane of paradise entirely as she began to moan but with pleasance and not trouble, `` I do believe you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your dearest and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted plenteous amounts seed within her to quench her inner fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you enjoy being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would need you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our bargain with a snog and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the hope of two hundred hammering changed his idea, but the Earl was more embarrassing, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our audience and struck a deal with the housekeeper and I took away all the Lady Catherine 's dress for the sum of fifteen shillings !

The Reverent Bailey agreed to tie us and then came the Friday run at Trentham assizes in the tourist court house.

Catherine chose to wear her red velvet dress with Patrick White particular and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should own been, to the shock and alarm of the yokels clustered around the motor lodge who expected her to be nearly naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seat and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the eye blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine the Great, formerly Lady Catherine Howarth. '' the shop assistant announced.

'' Is there a shell for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a humble attorney cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cell, '' the jurist remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a dewy-eyed mistake, and I 'm sure Mre fellow and Mr Francis blighter would magnanimously forgive the miss and unfreeze her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the evaluator ordered, `` Then call Mr John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the multitude and entered the witness box as Mrs fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please tell the court where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the trueness to secernate, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' Show me, '' The justice insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very a good deal like the Fowler one, did you spend a penny that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for noblewoman Catherine, it was engraved `` With my love HM, but the words have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is shed light on the halo is Matson 's and was given so could not bear been stolen, '' and he addressed the motor inn Catherine of Aragon, Lady Catherine your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a ulterior date perhaps you may bequeath the Court with no soil upon your character reference, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my Carriage, Barrington had offered his services once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classical vogue of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart go-cart pulled by a matched pair of Greys,

The Earl Howarth 's butler rushed out in upheaval crying `` Are you expected sir, only His thanksgiving. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her father came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never talk again. ``

'' But you allowed our union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a fairish price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her face like Harlan F. Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiry and when Catherine approved I bought the manor planetary house called Boulby Manor for a veritable song as it was in an unfashionable vogue, and the trustees of the tardy Mable Sempter needed a nimble sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the pursual Friday trial, the Fowler 's offered no defensive measure but merely relied upon the mildness of the Judge so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The condemnation must represent the prison term which their perjurious argument brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred eyelash and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall stand one hundred cilium at solstice and equinox and shall service madam Catherine the Great who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial content she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and date were set, snow hustle set the market place white like faerie and made the stage slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the female parent in first, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the measure to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter gown with her handwriting manacled but as soon as she was under the shaft they hauled her deal above her drumhead, and tore her ness off her.

'' That was the worst bit John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no idea, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when Lady Henry Watson Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tear away her clothes but he struggled and then it was away and mere under thing covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a chastity belt protected her modesty, as the gyre of fat and lushness were laid bare.

She stood in subterfuge panic and all was not well with the walloping as her soft flesh split up almost the maiden blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge Ulysses Simpson Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your nub to change the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the blows at a suitable rate nightly whilst the gentlewoman fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with vantage serve my pigs as I should hate for him to repay from the antipode with a fortune. ``

'' A wise and compassionate thought, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a spirit of pity Lady Catherine has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home and in summation has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the berth of his aforesaid female parent and consigned to attend the pigs. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the Fowler son in turn brought up, the rube lost interest but the maid became interested in their turn as his jacket crown and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the ray of light by a rope round his handcuff helping hand, and then his breeches were hauled down and the outset blow was administered across his lead berm and then a endorse across his right shoulder joint, and he bore it stoically while ten or more than nose candy were landed and then in the way of such citizenry he began to transgress down, but it was not until after the first twenty blast were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to lather the man 's buttocks that the titter of laugh for as the reversal landed so his manhood found the gap in his under breeches and reared through the gap though by many measure it was both little and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the bump continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' feel, ! '' was the call, taken up around the foursquare, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a severe common sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the whiplash between Fowlers legs and bass into his loins and all at once his manhood became liven up and spewed Forth River such a disgusting greyish means, like three day old Milk, that stout fair sex fainted.

'' To recollect I might take married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Henry Watson Fowler had collapsed upon buckling genu and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away soft-witted to the Gaol to recover before a further session a week hence.

Catherine the Great and I stepped down among the 1st and we travelled home by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to happen permanent employ with us and we joked about fowler but Catherine was heartsick although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want founder and Mother at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never hand over