Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody verbalise as I bloody come up.

We had a bloody bad trip back from America on Steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me boldness were secure and went to see bloody agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishing to match. factor were a slimy cocksucker with slicked down hair and poncy cause. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bally desk about the sizing of a damn cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"trade good day maitre d', I am delighted to play you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody idea,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant Brass,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a poor hirsute gorilla in a fatal dress with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody bare enough even for you bloody illiterate Lanky sodomite ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a damn fact..

"How a lot were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking Mary Leontyne Price,"the slimy son of a bitch said rooking me,"The check please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped polish up bank and paid it in quick. Daft prick on counter near fainted at sizing of cheque but I drew out a fair few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody solar day voyage took, bloody steamer broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in bank and could come home instead of scratting round down South United States of America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see harbor professional what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a courteous plump reinvigorated Brown University one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have hard worker in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let well-nigh of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody Hell do I find a nice plump Virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody golden to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner carte du jour outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would possess a bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or hind end o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea clock time and noon metre was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager come up to me and asked me business,"looking for for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be consummate mind."

He got wrong end of reefer and suggested a brace of lady of pleasure star sign.

"Nay I want a cleaning lady for bread and butter see, If I pay out a funfair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an plus see, not keep forking out for tarts till I gets crashing clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't save slaves anymore, but there's a chap round of golf Inkerman Street does a smashing range of celibacy belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his cover to us over there's got More daughters than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's William Christopher Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of girl to offload like ?"I says uncoiled out.

"And who the Hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to present me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's crashing decorum,"I says,"I ent no sign of the zodiac cougar I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blooming mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"facial expression if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar bill, long as she's virgin, two legs, two weaponry, couple of bloody pap, own tooth, auditory modality and seeing would be a incentive but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering tooshie dressed like a mightily ponce says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody visiting card,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody wag sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George I, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my girl ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The lad lived a nautical mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His station needed a lick of pigment and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the handmaiden quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"headwaiter Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody situation or thee'll find me blinking belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an unworthy bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to stab thee."

"This is my wife Captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No criminal offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chop, we her mincing manus and one-half in long finger nails."Feisty art object ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite want to court one of our daughter dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, nobleman Mc for short.

"Over my dead body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all booster here,"nobleman Mc pleaded as his cheek went a deathly white,"senior pilot Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe dangerous undertaking in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, Tempest, bloody give urine pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a blinking gut full on't it, all-fired transportation lark."I said,"face is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, in high spirits bloody time to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to Court my girl ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't judgement bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no dirty bloody Butler poking on her alike thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'spinal column 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody pass, I also reckoned Divine Mc were in on't as well.

noblewoman Mc knew when to keep on stum so she showed us into parlour."female child,"she says,"Come and meet police captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The 1st girl were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulders, blue sky eyes, square rigged dress showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servants, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my arcsecond eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the fille asked.

"Bloody deep and in penury of a bloody shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody mind and you're a looker and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely abhorrent,"she explained.

Another vision of loveliness followed into the way,"capital of Seychelles,"madam Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her short hairsbreadth and scowling aspect if it had n't been for her tits you 'd bear thought she were a bloody gent

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a bloody lad or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your byssus ?"

"Bet bloody suer are a bit slim down on bloody dry land,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody warm, sound probability her were a bloody virgin, if I blew bally candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody font looked like.

"fountainhead I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bally virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"police chief !"nobleman Mc protested.

"Phoebe hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to hold her off thi bloody hands and put a tintinnabulation on her bloody digit, take it or leave it."

"We really want the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this lusus naturae for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bally wife lass, not just a flaming lady of pleasure to shag, individual to look after me bally family, cook, clean flavour after fucking Thomas Kid, that sorting o thing."I ventured.

"No pretending of love or warmheartedness then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bally shag, you wo n't do unspoiled than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"goodness,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the response captain is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty piece of music ent her ?"I queried,"I got the hard currency,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"rent a chalk of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughter insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a moment,"noble Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a blinking pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missis go and sort Francis out.

I heard a din,"Get off me !"I heard the girl objection,"check it, intercept it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair all-fired monetary value, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the young woman went, following the sound up the stair me hobnail boot clattering on novel polished oak flooring, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two bedroom housemaid and the housekeeper. poor Francis had her clothes off and looked like she been whacked across expression with a all in Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corsets and knee length stockings, no drawers or null but showing her genitals and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her stage wide-eyed,"Take a look Captain,"gentlewoman Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody ruffian, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the ilk of you. Go on. Get out."

"But maitre d',"Lady Mc replied but the glint of ignitor off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody melodic phrase,"parting them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to mangle me headwaiter ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the doorway shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't scratch jeune fille, I never had to force a bloody wench to fuck me in me blooming life."

She sat on the sharpness of the bed and covered her private as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her paw away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingerbreadth gently up her thighs and then I started to part her cunt mouth with me fingers. It weren't the first clock time. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been all-fired shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a affair ?"

"fountainhead your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody candle then has tha ? Like I caught me damn sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you eff ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big buccaneer belt and let me trews gloaming,"let address it our little bloody occult shall us ?

"looking at Captain,"she protested but me finger's breadth were no flaming unknown to a chick's cunt and wi me flick on her petty nub her tits were getting skillful and pointy.

She started breathing expectant

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to block up now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But skipper,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me cock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her titmouse and on down to her agglomerate. She sorting of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me knife in the groove between her lip down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her pussy was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or damn never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee flaming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were ilk saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawsepipe pipe.It were fucking heaven. Right in boulder clay me formal were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody hell size of it bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody fucked ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candela, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the blooming fuck. Once I shot me flaming load in thee its for bloody life like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me all-fired lading over thee belly and say no Sir Thomas More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty dollar bill guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly master, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a pane of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your defective Captain."

Me testicle was flaming crinkling and me cock was crashing throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant skipper,"she chuckled,"Next sentence perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a unwarranted boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me crashing ruffle voiceless I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suckle my teat if it helps to wake you."And with that she pulled her tits right out of her girdle and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to finger your manly bureau against mine."

"You ent got a manly bureau,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody reverse,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our clapper entwined. It do n't count much what they bloody look like wi your glossa in their gob, so me rooster reared and before I knew it we was bloody piece of ass again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. nobleman and gentlewoman Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, congratulation,"Lord Mc chortled,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire eventide post.

"Bugger that I'm a flaming sea police captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down fucking harbour and I can do bloody marriage, no damn indigence to waste crashing brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church building so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a metre or two her started smiling at me and her face quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lighter behind her. But at end of damn day its what they fucks like what issue and she's bally mavin and no mistake, even if she do number from bloody Lancashire .