Let me begin by saying that I have never been raped nor have I raped anyone.

All my experience is strictly second script, however it is extremely intimate.

vertebral column in the mid 90s if you looked at my aliveness on newspaper you might reasonably ask dubiousness like, `` What do you eat ? Where do you sleep ? How do you populate ? ! ``

Let 's just say that you 'd be surprised how long one can survive on cipher More than charm and good looks.

Now if I were to say that back then I was an accomplished tongue wagger that would most certainly be a double entendre.

Not that I was n't also a brilliant conversationalist, the perfect party node really, but I traced the fib of honey in the walls of more than one hussy chamber if you follow me.

And if you do n't postdate me then it 's pussy, I 'm talking about eating pussy.

I would n't say that I was known for it, but the women that knew, knew the fuck out of it.n

Once, when I started dating this girl who happened to be friends with one of my exes she asked her, `` Is there anything I need to make out about this Eric guy ? ``

And my ex says, `` I 'm not gon na let you pick my brain but I will state you this, he eats pussy better than any cleaning lady I 've ever been with. ``

Now I 'm not saying this to brag, but rather to let you bonk who it was that met this young woman out drinking that night.

dorsum then I was quite the bar fly with strangers buying me drinks all the clip, and even bartenders would buy me drinks when they were busy because I helped flirt with their Guest and kept 'em there drinking.

I even had some buy me drinks when they were slow just because they themselves enjoyed talking to me.

Anyway, one nighttime at an hugger-mugger watering hole that I frequently visited she came up to me.

I 'll call her Lori, since that was her name, and she was a piddling spitfire.

She was not at all like the woman I had mostly dated before.

Most of my former lovers had been full moon bodied womanhood with big tits.

Not because of any druthers of mine necessarily but rather those were the lady friend that most often hit on me.

My thinking back then was do n't hit on women, but flirt mercilessly, and the girls aggressive enough to hit on you are not only totally down to fuck, but probably aggressive in the sleeping accommodation too.

By that I do n't imply violent or anything but you know, like the kind of female child who are more likely to suck cock.

I love eating slit but sex is about power interchange so I also love getting my cock sucked by a girl who at least likes to do it.

See, I do n't fuck, I make love.

Even if I barely know you, even if it 's a one nighttime stand.

I never do it with anything less than my whole essence because I know that every time could be my cobbler's last, and I do n't require to go out like no halfassed niggling bitch.

But back to the bar ;

First of all she was small in height, which I did n't notification at first sitting following to her at the bar.

However I did notice her curly black hair and the lentigo across her push button nose.

It also did n't deal a hell of a long clip for me to reckon out that she wanted my care and did n't mind buying me potable to get it, which was my jam back then.

I only had to suggest once that I might have to go soon because I was out of money and she immediately volunteered, `` I 'll buy your drinks man, stay here and hang out with me ! ``

Now let me make it clean that I am not a make out whore.

If she had n't been pleasant companionship I would n't suffer stayed.

I mean I totally would 've downed a couple of free drinks but then I would have split instead of boozing with her until last claim and going back to her place.

Most women in that office take you home and fuck you unintelligent, at least in my experience, but not Lori.

I mean we kissed, we cuddled, it was nice, but she would n't go past a certain point.

But I did n't think anything of it really.

The way I saw it, and the way I still see it is, I was, ultimately, a strange guy, drunk, twice her size and system of weights, and in her space, whatever she did or did n't need to do, that was a okay with me because I ai n't trying to nominate nobody uncomfortable.

The next morning after we got cleaned up I said I had to leave behind to seek solid food and she was immediately like, `` Oh, are you athirst ? Let me get you something to eat. ``



That 's pretty a great deal how it went from there.

Whenever I expressed a need she offered to carry through it, no questions asked.

I never had to ask her to party, and she could go shot for shaft with me, which for a young woman her size was goddamn impressive.

Do call up that I was kind of a professional sot at this item.

When I did work it was in the restaurant business which in capital of Tennessee meant the bar business.

I was a Cook and my jape about that is, `` My first chef was an alcoholic. In other news, a chef. ``

When it 's your job to score early people 's fun you need to feature fun doing it so to facilitate that alcohol and various other drugs were used quite liberally when I worked in the business concern.

Hospitality was our stage business, and being in the Confederate States of America we always strived to be superfluous hospitable.

Just as a little aside, there are many things about the south that are weird, fucked up, and need to change, but the melodic theme of being a gracious host, and a maintaining a certain point of politeness and good manners, even between enemies ?

We need to attend on to that shit like grim death because that 's a ethnic norm worth preserving.

If you can parcel out with your enemy with a modicum of respect you may discover a way to make them your friends, but if not at the very least you can hate each other in peace.

So Lori basically kept me, and since she paid the piper she called the line.

We met on a Friday, spent the weekend together, and when Monday rolled around she was existent casual about leaving me at her place when she went to work.

She was just like, `` You can hang out here, eat, follow TV, or whatever. If you leave just mesh the doorway, and if you want you can call me later and I 'll break up you up. ``

It was just so cool how she let me bang she wanted me there but I could take the air right out and she would n't be mad or anything.

At to the lowest degree that 's the way it came off to me.

By then I had met her roomie, this redheaded adult female who was just as wild as Lori, and totally nice.

In fact, yeah, we all three went back to their place that 1st night.

At first I thought maybe it was a threesome situation but as soon as we got there it was more than clear that she 'd been there as Lori 's faithful wingman.

She seemed really happy to see Lori cuddling up with me, and I did n't call back anything of it.

I just figured that she was a trade good friend, and she was, but of course of action there was more going on.

My make out Sessions with Lori were getting pretty fucking hot and toilsome, and I form of felt something was up because sometimes when she stopped things from going advance she seemed a little ill at repose.

We had n't fucked yet, or even gotten oral, but she was paying for me and could do what she liked as far as I was concerned.

I think because of my easy going attitude and her ability to judge persona it did n't make long before she trusted me enough to open up and tell me what the deal was.

Apparently she had been raped a few years earlier and it had really fucked with her headland in regards to sex.

She had n't been with anyone since then because of the harm, and although I did n't think of it in these terminus at the time I 'm indisputable that she had some PTSD.

She asked if I could be patient with her and of grade I was more then glad to follow.

The offend portion about this, besides the obvious, was that Lori was a powerful, confident fair sex, and she had Moxie as they used to say.

I mean she was a real handgun.

Clever, funny story, and strong willed as she was it was toilsome for me to imagine her being anyone 's victim.

I mean if it could happen to her, darn !

Not to fathom too ghetto about it, but if she could get got what fortune does the fair beef have ?

She was so sweet and kind that the estimate of anybody hurting her really made me angry and sad, but the idea that they could bollocks up something as wonderful as sex for her was just so legal injury to me.

Talk about adding revilement to injury.

It was like a shit sandwich and the bread is made of mother fucker.

At that point it became kind of a holy mission for me.

Sex is one of the nicer affair we humans do with each former so if I could help her to enjoy it again then by God I was gon na do everything I could.

So we carried on and now that I was armed with more cognition of the situation I was able-bodied to see that I had been playing it right, but I refined my technique.

For representative, before when she 'd put the fracture on things I 'd gage off as far as I felt I needed to in rescript to make her well-situated without being low temperature or distant.

Sometimes continuing to hold her, but even if she needed me to game way off, to where I was lying next to her, I 'd still hold her hand, or touch my fundament to hers, or something to let her know that I was staying with her, and it was all cool.

I still did those affair but I was more mindful of how she felt, and responded accordingly.

Like one clock time I was on top of her.

We had been kissing and variety of dry humping when she suddenly stopped me, and she really seemed kind of scared.

So I flipped us over so that she was on top of me, and then I laid my arms back in a submissive carriage, speaking softly, reassuringly.

Saying things like, `` It 's okay child, I 'm not gon na do anything you do n't want me to. '' and just reinforcing the estimation that this was her party, and she was in charge.

There 's something that 's so gratifying about being able to fulfill someone 's emotional needs, and although I may not be a licensed sex therapist I did some work with Lori that I 'm really gallant of.

Eventually she was able to loosen up enough to live my oral acquisition, and we did experience penetrative sex as well.

The initiatory clip was on the sofa in the living room.

We were making out, kissing hugging, fondling, and caressing, our usual stuff, when she suddenly just said, `` I want to do it ? ``

'' Are you sure ? '' I asked.

'' Yeah, I 'm sure. '' she assured me, pushing on my chest for me to get up.

She was wearing a wench so she just slipped out of her step-in.

I took my pants down, and was gon na take them off entirely, but she pulled me back down on top of her.

With my pants down around my ankles I got into positioning as she reached in between us, grasping my cock and guiding it into her piffling honey hole.

I do n't roll in the hay how to adequately explain the powerful mix of emotions on my English of the equation, but since I fancy myself as some kind of author I shall endeavor to make the attempt.

First of all I had n't been made to hold back for sex by either condition or the girl herself since I was in high school, and even back then I had n't waited this long.

I honestly have to say that what intrigued me from the start was that she would n't or could n't consummate, and so I wanted to push the demarcation of that, or rather see how far that extended, if that makes gumption.

Do n't get it pervert though, I 'm not saying that every woman wanted to fuck me or anything insanely swollen-headed like that.

I ca n't even claim a statistically meaning share, but the women that did want to get laid me did n't muck about is what I 'm saying.

They 'd plunk straight the roll in the hay in.

Besides, realistically, what was I doing with my life that was so pressing ?

I just felt that if she really wanted me then I 'd carry on to relieve oneself myself available for whatever she did or did n't want to do.

After all she was good companionship in every single way, up to and including cuddle sidekick.

So all the built up sexual tension, along with the honest affection and esteem I could n't assist having for her just from getting to know her for this short meter was the base for this cocktail.

I also felt immensely proud of her for so actively taking part.

Not that she 'd ever been completely inactive in our seance or anything like that.

At times she could even be pretty aggressive, but since the whole point of this exercise was to learn how to relax, and cartel another person with her body again there were times when she would just lay back and let me gently explore her.

When she was done she 'd let me have sex and we 'd cuddle or just lie together.

We almost never spoke to convey this selective information, but rather used the touches and sounds that are the linguistic communication of making love, and all modestness aside, at this point in my life I was fluent in said language.

Bottom line, the fact that she was not just passively accepting me, but was actively inviting me, both verbally and physically, into her virtually intimate space was clearly the culmination of a process that started long before she met me.

I was grateful to be there with her, and be a persona of her healing physical process because all we have in this lifespan is each former, and we so often carelessly cause each other pain that getting the opportunity to consciously do the opposite is a golden chance.

I never even imagined that I would get the opportunity to use my boozing and womanizing for good so how could I not embrace this ?

I was also slightly apprehensive.

This was a pretty big step after all and despite all the full work we 'd done together I did n't want her to push too far too flying before she was ready.

I certainly did n't want her to finger that she needed to fulfil my desires since just being with her was a delight for me.

I just had to trust her judgment.

She knew skilful than me where she was at and what she was ready for.

Besides it was n't as if I did n't want to cause sex with her, in fact it was quite the opposition just in case I have n't made that sparkling clear.

I do n't want to sound too crummy or anything, like those romance novels my grandmother used to scan, but when I entered her for the offset time, once I was fully ensconced, and we were holding each early, it was n't just beautiful, it was fucking wizardly.

Our human relationship went on for a while, but at a sure point I was tired of being a cheap whore, which is basically what I was, no affair how nicely I try to whitewash it.

Thing is that during that clock time I had some hot fair sex give me their issue but I just never called them.

One of them even did it rightfield in forepart of Lori, and when she walked away Lori just grinned at me with that cute, infectious enthusiasm.

Now that I think of it that smile had a lot going on with it, like a multilayered cocktail of winks, nods and former signal communicating a lot of coordination compound entropy simultaneously.

Maybe my experiences with her had just built up my self esteem to where I could n't live as a kept man anymore, or maybe it was just meter to do something else, but that was the finis fourth dimension I let a woman pay my bills.

A couple of geezerhood after I stopped seeing her we ran into each other and it was awful.

She was glad to see me, she took me out to a glamourous drag show where she knew the manager of the topographic point, and we saw a utter on Cher impersonator.

The manager explained that their featured performing artist had actually gone on enlistment with Cher.

Apparently she 'd come out doing her act, the bunch would be into it, and then Cher would embark from the former side of the stage, blowing their minds.

Of grade she plied me with drinks, and we smoked some bud.

I miss her in my life but I know in my heart that she is out there somewhere being awesome, and I know that the people around her fuck how lucky they are to be in her lifetime because she chooses her associates carefully.

I honestly have n't thought about Lori in years, although now I 'm not entirely sure why.

I suppose I 'm not particularly proud of how I mostly wasted my life during this stop, but as I come to spell this account some questions occur to me that I had n't ever considered before.

I guess the primary one would be did Lori have it away who I was before we met ?

It 's a fair question really because as I said I was fairly well known around the hep cake in Nashville, and having worked at a comic strip club and dated a ecdysiast who was also deep into the goth/punk/art scene I guess I had kind of a rep long before this.

bartender knew me, and they knew Lori.

As a heavy juicer and a big dump truck she was beloved by many a barman so if she saw me and asked it would n't pick out her retentive to ascertain out about me.

It 's entirely potential that she just asked the bartender at Multi-Bob when I went to the privy or something that firstly night, but knowing Lori that seems unlikely.

Either we just met, she took a chance and trusted her own mind, or she researched me somewhat thoroughly.

I have seriously never even considered it until this moment but the more I think about it the more I lean towards the later.

It just makes too very much sense based on everything I know about her, especially how much she loved a deal.

I went with her once to buy a new futon soma and she was incredibly conniving about negotiating Mary Leontyne Price, and trying to get anything extra that she could.

She was like a bargain shark.

After about the one-third thing she asked about the possibility of getting for free the salesperson said, `` No, but you 're near. '' sounding genuinely impressed.

We did end up getting something redundant too.

Now for what she needed a sex therapist, or hell even a jigalo would hold been pretty fucking expensive, but I was a comparative bargain.

Not that I would heed if that is the case.

If anything I would be even more ingrain, and quite frankly flattered that she chose me.

It takes a certain gift to see person that others regard as useless, who may even see themselves as useless, and utilize their talents.

So that 's my story, and if I could bear you take anything from it, that would be a new respect for the power of empathy, and a desire to exercise it .