I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the classic style of a landed Gentleman while riding in a tolerably smart carriage pulled by a matched pair of Grey, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my acquaintance masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then address me pray, '' I requested, in as lordly personal manner as I could muster.

'' In the township sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the ma'am Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the lash and forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to continue will power of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a gustatory perception for this St. John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that consequence we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than excavation, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your driving, you better let me aim ! ``

We changed stead and also changed pelage and hats and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good punch and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humankind confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a steering wheel there should birth been mass murder for we should never own stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a hanging in Bodmin in August, for a smashing wooden point had been set up against the Red social lion alehouse across from St Agnes church service the whole market place square was packed with all stratum and upon that stage a serving bird was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or sack ripped from her and dangling from the cosmic string around her waist and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to avoid his blow by turning away he struck her shapely endanger white meat and the tit thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hands were manacled and uselessly chained together and the chain tied to a high beam of light high above her forefront which served to hold her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist joint iron from which a trail of blood seeped already.

The crowd were spellbind and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public walloping was the height of their season, and all class were demo, merchants and peasants, proletarian and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the purpose, the Lord Graham, his son, by his side and the Lady Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the horses and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the bearing through a T bit and tethered the team outside the dragon Inn.

The maid was zero but a hobble and bloodied mess when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin assignment the Judge of the Trentham assizes was mounting the pace to the microscope stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled throng, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to give the law in its full force-out, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall set up again to find the penalisation I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` eminence well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the skirt transported to the antipodes, I was determined that penalisation should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalisation ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmur, `` Have you seen that I judge Grant am a man of my Book and all are equal in my judicature, that the low maid and high peeress can require equality of handling ? '' he demanded. There was a cardiac murmur of approval. `` That the ma'am Catherine received no predilection when she abused her trust and steal a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a sled hammer, the serving dame was the Lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six month has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she profess as you all heard, but she will not admit her guiltiness, will not profess, will not apologise and without attrition there can be no leniency, no gentle spirit as a theatre servant so shall she continue as the lowest farm little girl until the after one yr and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her Father-God to repudiate, I suggest she may have found the Antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his part rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and centre, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The electric shock of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce consider it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, filthy bloodied and yet to my optic beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally cherry and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the forget me drug were cut and she fell and sprawled in the scandal so her shimmy fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A great laugh arose and jar Catherine the Great from her daze fixedness and she grabbed her torn smock around her, desperate to maintain the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her tears had run dry until just the shoot down tracks remained in the filth of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a looker ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really dainty. ``

I realised she had an iron apprehension around her neck and she was taken down from the phase and chained barefoot behind a muck handcart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' find Catherine II, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a dull and atrocious process, but by and by we made progress until at distance the chawbacon riding the cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could proceed at its best footstep which in all honesty was no full than when Catherine of Aragon had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his Lordship piggery, set away from the main menage and farm because of the smell it was a low Isidor Feinstein Stone built building with a Harlan F. Stone roofing tile roof on lumber, and there in the mud and foulness lived his lordship 's pigs, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an Fe in the bulwark which I noted his Lordship agent fastened her range with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your involvement here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most rummy as to why the Lady Catherine is so treated. ``

'' She 's no Lady ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the relaxation, '' he said and he tore away the death of her clothes leaving her bare, `` She 'll get plenty of swill come daybreak and she can enjoy a aliveness of ease, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private res publica. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` most certainly, dear day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` Drop me at my Father-God 's and involve the rig. ''

I directed him the way to my sire small abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pastures my father pretended to the earthly concern that he owned, yet sadly such was not the caseful, indeed there was a time in my young person when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` St. John, '' he said, `` You are the former son of a 2d son, you have a secure name but no fortune, so my son it is for you to create your own fortune, shall you join the reserves, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the globe in lookup of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the peeress Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in trueness at that time I had barely telephone exchange two XII words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's girl ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my noble what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemical science and the way to establish purity of the precious metallic element with an eye to seeking atomic number 79 prospecting and so by degrees my didactics progressed until with a loan from Father that he could ill afford I bought passage to Mexico.

I had a last summer at home base, a legal brief trance of dance and feast, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not entertainment but a rich wooer to woo her, but for the while my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor nowadays and indeed such was our companionableness that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fortune in the New World and wed Catherine of Aragon sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not signify to retort penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not disquiet Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a short circuit time of year, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not difficulty her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea nausea afflicted me and it was a neat relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to hitch into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nix would cause me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with modest neutrality that father watched Barrington beat back the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to view its disappearance when I had unloaded my own luggage as sign that it was as a mere passenger in a hire imparting rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was mother that rushed to greet me, `` Saint John the Apostle where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fortune of a thousand pound sterling and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my udder from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the America 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought transit to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under chieftain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the overt ocean I was rendered unequal to with the sea nausea, and when we sprang a forest off the Longships Witwatersrand and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha distinctive ! '' begetter replied, `` Did I not secern you that as the oldest son of a s son, you have a good name but no fortune, and to make your own chance by joining the militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and go the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a great shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' well Father I worked the wale Claire mine, senior pilot Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver medal. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead crinkle and gave management, just above the pee he said, and there it was a slenderize seam and I started on my own with a pot axe and a bundle of candles, and I recognised the silver comportment ore and smash my own rock by candle Christ Within, and made my own acid using my education to the wide-cut and dissolved the silver from the crushed Rock and cast my own silver ingots, but the vein was not blanket, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an whirl, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old fount turned into a smiling, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver crease clean as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro piece of music by while moulded and cast into ingot and had it 's sinlessness confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed silver and as an excursus we made rings and gewgaw by selective molding and we travelled the jewellers selling novelty pack and pieces of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed serving of it to selected men of wealthiness saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the mineral vein any further and I sold plowshare until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my get-go closed chain to Lady Catherine II, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the privileged rope I engraved, `` To my making love JM. '' so she should know she was in my thoughts always.

'' A faerie story, '' Father averred, `` but come in and have an redundant spot set at dinner party female parent. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' Father said, `` A bauble from Lady Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver medal ring, '' Mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to imagine you thought to marry her ! '' male parent joked, `` There was something, ma'am Fowler would take forgotten the completely thing of Catherine the Great would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the mob, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a hustle, '' Mother said, `` All Society attended, the justice, justice Ulysses Simpson Grant, insisted that the law were upheld for her as for the low-spirited ordering and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four clock time at equinoxes or the nearest Sabbatum thereto and should serve as ma'am fowler 's retainer for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a field ! '' forefather added, `` So the jurist he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to tend Sus scrofa, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his Grace passed a note to the justice. '' Father added.

'' And the jurist ordered her to fag an iron chastity rap ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' female parent suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father took up the tale, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was lamentable, she came with her father and female parent and babe and comrade, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispering started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a microscope stage to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the jurist bring her to the square on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and metrical unit and there they had the hangman strip her to her under geological fault, tearing her frock right away and then he tore even that away so her udder were release and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an Fe collar around her neck like any common felon and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot stud, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred cilium !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable annulus, old geezer silver, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and decent in alternate virgule, first he bared her bottom so we could see the smash and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed lines into it, an column inch apart every column inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her battlefront. ``

'' Her titty ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teats, criss interbreeding hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred cilium and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' sire said memory, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from sleeping room pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her brake shoe and stockings and they drew the Earl 's dung spreading drag up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a reputation from a pistol, of course being a fine noblewoman, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she sort of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted veggie and all form of filth at her. ``

'' They put a sac around her to hide her nakedness, '' Father added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and live with the pigs, she measures out their swill, some say she ploughshare it because they do n't feast her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' Mother said, `` The yokel used to like to torment her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The Beadle has her road fix though, '' Father added, `` Rock breaking, which is humanity work really but the evaluator agreed it was fair. ``

'' To cogitate you wanted to reserve your hat up to a mutual criminal, she 'll receive to become a servant or espouse a yokel, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' father said because he knew of such thing being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all rightfulness. '' mother insisted, `` The Fowler 's would have no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of course of action she 's been whipped since then, '' Mother said, `` It did n't appear right when they brought her into the square toes behind the droppings cart on mid summertime day and the flavour was something frightening, so concluding hebdomad they found her clothes from the Charles Francis Hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Church Father said, `` Like a bad turn, a foul yokel in a richly embroidered wearing apparel brought in the Earls supererogatory baby carriage, but the lower parliamentary procedure loved it, especially when the knack man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a fine peeress that the lower orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the raspberry when they bared her teats, '' mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily Patrick White where the scandal flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way dwelling house ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' fountainhead you are a very favourable boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to fit your calf love you may own wed a stealer. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' Father explained, `` A thousand guineas, eh, sweeten the oral contraceptive eh ! all her demand and haughtiness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not cite the courage to address to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is cleaner and less morbid. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morn I donned my working clothes and borrowed Padre 's Equus caballus for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode preceding slowly, Catherine II looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a satire completely at betting odds with her station.

'' Fresh child's play, pretty young woman, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get theme, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her virtue belt, `` Or that because I have sharp teeth and a strong sharpness. ''

'' A kiss then, a soft caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig pigwash sack for a smock but it was unloose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a nitty-gritty pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed elbows. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall bring, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you accompany me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her handcuff mortise joint to the sty bulwark, `` I am afraid I am indisposed. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I know you ? '' she asked.

'' You are peeress Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past tense life story, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard labour had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a sum pie you shall have, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pie ? '' she asked, `` Pies not hope will win my warmness. ``

I went away in search of PIE, I bought a slicing at the Red Lion and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so safe, fond food for thought. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire Sir Thomas More then lure me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the afters water from my flaskful as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teat ? '' she asked, `` As the yokels do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her breast and bent my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with gentle osculation take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me injure me but do not love me for I can not bear it. ``

'' You do not receive my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me alleviate you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her total on the lips and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not bite. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so worried, so lovely, I imagined for secondment how her passage might be, all lucky fur and expectation beneath the iron straps and it happened, uncontrollably my expelling started, splattering her Kuki-Chin and intrude and lid, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` permit me. '' I took my bridge player kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her cheek, `` You should have allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` promise me a long passionate kiss and you shall have a chicken leg and apple pie future sentence crack. ``

'' And entrust me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a head, `` Why did you steal the anchor ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great snatch, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty lashes, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your forefather ! '' I announced.

'' You are fell with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's slops than endure your party and eat pies and tarts, chocolate even. ``

'' menu well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's theatre, riding horseback this time, all dressed like a gentleman's gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your forgiveness sir but whom should I tell his Grace for I can not recall your epithet. ``

'' Matson, lav Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old gull was too shanghai by my garb to realise who I was and invited me to wait in the living-room, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom draw a blank a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you pitch blackness Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed venturer who sought wealth in the U.S. and succumbed to sea nausea before I passed the Scillies but I had some circumstances minelaying in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes and a horse in any case. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interests me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a courtship and a knight and no hazard, indeed you should be a perfect mate, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall find the key to her celibacy bash, if you have a Tanzanian shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his sack, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your hearts content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the board, `` There was the matter of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a great warmheartedness for Catherine and would wish to have her innocence proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for rings, '' he explained, `` It brought her ruination, an gaffer of the 13th 100 by its marks I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my doorway again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a free people script with the Lady Catherine II, indeed although the luminance was fading I went to see her now, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a word to Father or Mother but next day I bought joint chicken leg, and an apple pie and some special chocolate with flabby centres containing fine wine-coloured which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a knight blanket.

'' She is keeping it good for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several times across the shoulders with a rough leg he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to give yourself scarcely, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the amah. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to assuage his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine the Great exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the odor of crybaby, '' she smiled, `` narrate me are you bathroom, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine II gnawed hungrily upon the poulet leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity belted ammunition. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a Somalian shilling. '' I told her and her eye welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall arrogate you when you are released, first you shall bath and then we shall find a soft bed and then I shall take you. ``

'' Do you not desire me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can hold off, '' I admitted, `` But can you balk me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the band, `` It was antique, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its ancientness, it seems they can tell from the marks when the anchor ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the jurist Grant. He knew of my Father and so he allowed me an audience for ten minutes as he was very busy, yet he called his man to call off his assignment when I explained the post and that I was enamoured of Catherine II and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenience, the chit from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my remembrance a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to Lord and noblewoman Gower produced a record that the ring was resized some years ago for Lady Fowler 's ancestor, '' the jurist remembered, `` And he read the check chump with a spy glass and indeed gave a accurate escort of manufacture some C of year prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay legal tender do n't give the C merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth hundred from the dash, but not from the mug sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of doubt Mr Matson, '' The justice agreed, `` A seminal fluid no more, but I shall prepare enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went menage. Father was in an nettlesome mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small-scale one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will follow up on you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a chance to pass, '' he said.

'' Then I shall reward what you lent me and more, a hundred pounds, but restrain it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis good to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my script. ``

I found him a silver metal bar from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to take vantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot meal, and I worried that the winter weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't John, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My back talk is foul with the swineherd emissions. ``

'' poor poor people Catherine the Great, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` arrogate me as your own. ``

'' Claim you ? '' I asked.

'' Take away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are try out innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my mob ? '' I asked, `` I made various, but I despatched the first to you by courier, I engraved With my dear JM inside it, just a simple gewgaw. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a very well gaffer doughnut and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her center welled with crying, `` So please never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred pounds, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly T. H. White, `` I am so sad, I presume too much. ``

'' testament you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig guck but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her oculus entire of split and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can screw me then that is my fondest wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient squealer around her to hold open her warm through the long coldness night.

'' His award judge Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the slap-up importunity. ``

I went to his chambers with the greatest speed and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do believe Pres Young Henry Watson Fowler may have given it to Miss Maisey colleague, Theodore Fellows gal, the merchant do you know. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my determination are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr young man and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall meet at Mr George Ratner 's department store, a forgetful paseo away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharp head. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the morning, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a bustle of natural action I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the spine way, '' he ordered, `` And hear. ``

miss Fellows was a discover young womanhood, she strode into the store on harbor Street go with by her maid and her Mother, `` How daring you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The justice smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` Antique ash grey, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester duomo. '' the justice said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowery fille Fellows the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand pounds or in that region, '' the mother explained.

They handed the anchor ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Sami but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at wheal saving grace and when they allowed me the use of the glass and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did count very companion, and knit, I expected a dazzling raiment of ball field but this was simply unmixed, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The judge gave Miss chap a receipt for the annulus and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the mien of the Judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the behind seam, I have stared at that adequate fourth dimension. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacitance ? ``

'' mineworker, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own pack I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their Scripture and peered in them and then at the annulus again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro check office stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two rings could have come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my dearest HM, the HM is still seeable the rest gone where the band was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine of Aragon anonymously as a relic. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner party in the servants quarters at the emporium, the jurist, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the jeweler, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'abode and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Henry Watson Fowler had barely walked in the house when the jurist approached him, `` Mr fowler, I have to question you about an antique Ag ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the band from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall audience her, total. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my William Chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad company and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw second power where a goodish identification number of the great unwashed were already there and I became mindful that the court of law was rapidly weft, the former Mr Henry Watson Fowler beginner of Francis fowler was in the seats behind me looking sick and at once tempestuous and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hour the Judges clerk ordered `` All Rise, '' and the jurist appeared.

'' If it pleases the first case is Rex versus fowler. Perjury. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the captive. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an unimportant slight lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bring Franics Saint John Hunstanton fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the cells escorted by reserves the judge wasted no clock time, `` Where did you receive this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss cuss to evidence you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a household heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us yell Mrs Henry Watson Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the attorney complained.

'' secretiveness ! '' the evaluator ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting elbow room, `` So where did you obtain this old-timer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my female parent and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk appearance her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave pricey Francis for his beloved. '' she replied.

'' The one the peeress Catherine stole ? '' the Judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four assay Saint Mark. '' the jurist asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient check function and one can not tell in which C a firearm was marked, merely the yr from cypher to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The judge replied, `` And when did the Truro office cease to stump with the Cornwallis legal tender and get to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you straighten out us, '' the jurist asked.

'' Some ten years ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Henry Watson Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an ex ring and lied also that madam Catherine stole the ring '' the justice suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the judge ordered, `` I social club that Francis King John Hunstanton Fowler and lady Hermione Desdemona Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Fri workweek when they shall be tried for lying under oath, and that Miss Catherine formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of larceny also on Fri, I shall experience applications for bail for both subject in my sleeping accommodation after this hearing.

I slumped in my rump, the business of the trial of Manningham, Lord Charles Grey 's Gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister John Lackland for the thieving of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the judge retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine, `` How a great deal do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guinea here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send word, but she will need wearable so pass your ten guinea wisely. ``

I had petty time so I a few handmaiden duster were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham Gaol when the Militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bail '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean smock, `` And where shall you take me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then aim me to lather and pee. '' she demanded.

I had investment company indeed but she was unwished-for in any shop class so I purchased such for her and a tomentum comb and easy leather slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous small low arches and after tethering the buck she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her dust coat she slipped into the breast deep quartz glass exculpate water.

She stooped with water up to her shoulder soaping herself and washing herself and the magnificent pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coat of filth and she stood lofty and business firm bodied with not an troy ounce of spare fat, her udder sweeping from her breast like as unadulterated perfection, just the crisscross of the whip trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her long yellow-bellied shuck like hair like a gamey retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the max slowly did her hair regain it 's halcyon hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge parapet curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an 60 minutes and more of splashing and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall exact you home, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' Liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodging house but when doubt were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as passkey and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two room and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servant that evening and when I retired following a good-time but sober even with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her ready in my bed, fast at peace, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to catch some Z's but she woke with the morning, and woke me with a candy kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with exceptional care I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and exhaust me from your hold. ``

I took hold of her and pried her legs across-the-board and after exploring her unmanliness with my fingers eased the gentle folds asunder and eased the purple head of my manhood into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her torture which she staunchly repressed so tail inch by quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and fast, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potential returned and I entreated her to allow me to relish her delight once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many Sir Thomas More Somalian shilling for goop, I do believe you owe me the courtesy of allowing my attentions a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to subdue my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the pain subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should gestate a good few insertion before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was ineffectual and pressed home my manhood against her, and when pressed her softness parted like the petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft sheep pen enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her modest haircloth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a mellow sheet of heaven entirely as she began to moan but with pleasure and not pain, `` I do trust you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now confess your love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in honey than passion and in a while her heat overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts seed within her to allay her internal fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you enjoy being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our deal with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our jointure but the promise of two hundred pounds changed his mind, but the Earl was more bunglesome, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a bargain with the housekeeper and I took away all the noblewoman Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen shillings !

The Reverent bailey agreed to marry us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham court of assize in the Court house.

Catherine chose to outwear her red velvet dress with egg white particular and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should give been, to the cushion and consternation of the yokel clustered around the court who expected her to be near naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seats and not taken to the cell until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine II, formerly dame Catherine of Aragon Howarth. '' the shop clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the prosecution. '' the jurist demanded of a low lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the justice remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a simple misapprehension, and I 'm sure Mre buster and Mr Francis beau would magnanimously forgive the female child and resign her from her time. ``

'' Indeed, '' the jurist ordered, `` Then call Mr John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the multitude and entered the witness box as Mrs Henry Watson Fowler stepped down.

'' Your hoop, Mr Matson, please secern the judicature where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the Sojourner Truth to tell, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' appearance me, '' The justice insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very practically like the Fowler one, did you make that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for gentlewoman Catherine, it was engraved `` With my love life HM, but the words have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The judge asked the fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the jurist insisted, `` It is clear the closed chain is Matson 's and was given so could not experience been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine II, Lady Catherine your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the thing and should perjury be proven then at a later appointment perhaps you may pass on the Court with no stain upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my bearing, Barrington had offered his services once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the authoritative style of a landed gentleman's gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs Price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart baby buggy pulled by a matched dyad of Charles Grey,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apologia, '' she snapped.

'' calculate just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her founder came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never talk again. ``

'' But you allowed our conjugation ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a honest price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not have you or her, ''

She set her grimace like Harlan Fiske Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made provisionary enquiries and when Catherine approved I bought the manor sign of the zodiac called Boulby Manor for a veritable birdsong as it was in an unfashionable style, and the trustee of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday tryout, the Henry Watson Fowler 's offered no defense force but merely relied upon the leniency of the jurist so on the Sat we went to Allerton foursquare to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the justice came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must comprise the prison term which their perjurious statements brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two C lashes and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall endure one hundred eyelash at solstice and equinox and shall serve Lady Catherine the Great who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any humble capacity she shall choose.

Catherine of Aragon looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and escort were set, snow flurries set the market place White person like phantasy world and made the point slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the female parent in low, Catherine of Aragon stared intently, as she was led up the stair to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter robe with her men manacled but as soon as she was under the shaft of light they hauled her hands above her heading, and tore her mantle off her.

'' That was the worst bit toilet, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no idea, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the hick staring at what is buck private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when ma'am fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he deplumate away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and bare under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her torus her to nakedness. not even a chastity belt protected her modesty, as the rolls of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind affright and all was not well with the debacle as her soft shape snag almost the foremost blow.

There was consternation, and the jurist Cary Grant ordered legal proceeding halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you line up it in your heart to commute the judgment of conviction ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the shock at a suitable rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my hog as I should hate for him to return from the antipode with a fortune. ``

'' A Stephen Samuel Wise and compassionate thought, '' the judge agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a sprightliness of compassion lady Catherine has agreed that the lash shall be applied at her house and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the blank space of his aforesaid mother and consigned to serve the copper. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the Fowler son in turn brought up, the yokels lost interest but the housemaid became interested in their turn as his jacket and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rope round his manacled hands, and then his knee breeches were hauled down and the first gust was administered across his leave behind shoulder and then a second across his rightfulness articulatio humeri, and he bore it stoically while ten or more blast were landed and then in the manner of such people he began to break down, but it was not until after the first twenty blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a dry pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's buttocks that the titter of laughter for as the setback landed so his manhood found the gap in his under knee breeches and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both short and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the gust continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' flavor, ! '' was the vociferation, taken up around the square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a revolting sentiency of devilment the whips-man flashed the whip between Fowlers peg and deep into his lumbus and all at once his manhood became animated and spewed Forth River such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old Milk, that stout women fainted.

'' To think I might sustain married that ? '' Catherine II gasped, `` I own six month in a pig sty was in all mode preferred. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the snow unadministered he was carried away senseless to the Gaol to retrieve before a further session a week hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the first and we travelled home by pusher driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to determine permanent employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine was despondent although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want beginner and female parent at my wedding ceremony, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver