This is the second story of a much longer tale arc, which is best read in the order of the List at the end.

displacement of High German words or phrases at the end. However, I have tried to attain the substance fairly clear in context.



AS THETWIG IS BENT
character One

Wie der Stefan Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the sprig is stoop, so grows the tree.


"Kurt ! Darlin ’, wake up ! You're havin'a incubus. Kurt !"

Logan's phonation rings through my nous, disrupting the dream that holds me engrossed."I am avake. quit shaking me. It is all right,"I protest as I gather the while of realness around me, pushing the detritus of that false realism out of my mind.

I feel Mount Logan's arms encircle my still-trembling body, drawing me nigher to him. I curl up against his chest of drawers like a kid.

"What was that all about, Elf ? I'm usually the one with the incubus, but this is the third night in a row that I've had to stir up you up."

"It is null. I just vant to bury it."

"Was it the Saami one again ?"

"I do not vant to talk about it !"

"It was, wasn't it, darlin'?"He hesitates before going on, as if unsure of my chemical reaction."Who's Herr Grüber ?"

Panic plunge me at the citation of that name. I tense up and cling tighter to my puzzled partner, shaking my head in denial. My dog Robert Curl pathetically between my legs.

Mount Logan reacts instantly to the veneration that floods my scent as well as my sudden tension by using one of the manus he has behind me to stroke my book binding. I take a rich breath, trying to relax.

"Nobody. It is not important. Please, let us not lecture of this."

"Nobody, huh ? Then why have you been pleading with him in your sleep for the in conclusion few Nox ? And why did you call out his name the dark before that, while I was fisting you ?"

"Vhat did I say ?"

"You really wan na know ?"

All I can do is nod my principal. I had no idea I was talking in my sleep, much less during the time Logan was fist-fucking me. Mein Gott, what have I been saying ? !

"You were whimpering and begging in German. I didn't catch all of it, but it was something like"Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein."I've never heard your voice sound like that before. And then later you told him to go back to Hell, where he belonged. It's been mostly the Lapp kind of matter during the nightmares also."

Oh, no ! Had I really said all that out loud ? !

"C'mon, Elf. This ain't ‘ nobody'if he's haunting your dreams."

"I do not vish to talk over him."

"You're acting like a scared child. This is me. There's nada you can't William Tell me."

I can not even land myself to say his name, much less talk about Herr Grüber. Not to Logan, not to anyone. Distraction. Ja, that is it. I can distract him from pursuing this.

"So then there is also nothing you can not tell me, nicht wahr ?"

Logan reacts as I expect him to."Well - uh --"

I take the porta he gives me."Of line, it is all right wing for you to deny to let the cat out of the bag to me about those especial missions you have been going out to do alone, but I must tell apart you everything about my life. Is that it ?"

If he truly were a wolverine, I would give birth been capable to see his fuzz stand on end when I said that. As it is, I feel him strain up, just as I have. We lie there sloshed and barbed in each other's arms.

"You don't understand, Kurt. That's dissimilar. I can't distinguish you about that."

"How is it unlike ? Vhy ?"

"You don't understand. That's all. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I can't. You've just got to hope me on this."

"I could say the same to you then."

I pull away from him, turning over and dragging the book binding up to my mentum.

"Aw, Elf, don't do this to me. Or to yourself."

"I am not doing anything to you that you are not doing to me."

"Haven't we gone around in circles long enough about this already ?"

"Ja, ve have. So let us leave it alone."

"OK, guess I'm gon na have to enter it out for myself then."

I start to get up from the bed, but his arms fasten around my waist."You ain't goin'nowhere, darlin ’. Not without me goin'along."

Scheisse ! Now what am I going to do ? If he is holding me like this, I can not even teleport without taking him with me.

"talk to me, damnit !"

I shake my nous in mute refusal. If one does not talk, one can not kick in anything away.

"This ain't like you. You're usually the one who's all for communication and honesty. near of the time I can't get you to shut your mouth. But now, I can't seem to get you to open it. What's the matter ? Cat got your tongue ?"

That did not lay down any sense."Nein. My tongue is rectify here,"I protest, turning around and sticking it out at him.

"It's an parlance, darlin ’."

I duck my head to blot out my embarrassment."Oh. Sorry."

Well, so practically for silence. I was never very good at that anyway.

"C'mon, Elf. You're the one always wanting us to peach about stuff."

"Can ve not just talk of something else ?"

"OK."

Too sluttish. He is not going to give up that easily, and I know it.

"looking, you're all disquieted. I know how to get you to relax."

He draws me back down so that I am lying alongside him again, but still facing my side of our bed. His hand moves down to the small of my book binding. I shiver as he digs his fingers into the tight sinew that control my tail. Delightful ! Just what I need to ostracize the leftover fear from the nightmare. If I had been lying on my stomach instead of my position, I would have arched my binding against his hand, as a cat will do when petted. As it is, I press my hips back against him and sigh luxuriously. If I were that hypothetical cat, I would have begun to purr.

I know very well what this will lead to, but I have no remonstrance. Quite the wayward, in fact. Sex will surely sidetrack his effort to figure out what is bothering me.

"Darlin ’, I really acknowledge very little about your early childhood, although you've told me a lot about performing in the circus as a teen-ager and how much you enjoyed it,"he says lightly, as if this were his edition of changing the content to some kind of small talk of the town. Although I try to hold onto my notion of welfare and liberalisation, it is difficult. I know full well that I can not easily deceive Logan. For one thing, I have no talent for lying. For another, he could probably tell from the nervousness in my olfactory property if I even attempted to tell him an untruth.

"One would think you went right from your mother's uterus to the flying trapeze,"he continues, in that Sami light tincture of voice.

Before I can stop myself, I reply bitterly,"Often I have vished that vere true."

"Uhmm."

That is all ? No farther scuttlebutt ? It seems so, as his hand relocation humbled and grasp the al-Qaeda of my tail, massaging it gently. My entire bottom collapses down onto the bed as if it were boneless, lying there in limp comfort. Wunderbar !

"Ya know, I really enjoyed it when you let me fist-fuck you a few nights ago."

Even better. He is changing the content to something much more pleasant than my former childhood. I am on firm ground here, talking about the other night. Except for what I must have said out tawdry.

"Ja, it vas unbelievable. Aftervards, I felt so - so -"At a red ink for dustup, all I can do is motion with my deal, as if I am reaching for something I can not quite grasp.

"I know. I can't find the right Scripture to trace it either."His hand continues working on my rear, while his other hand move around to my chest, playing over the scarred designs.

"You almost told me to leave office at one decimal point, didn't ya ? Just before my knuckle duster went in ?"

"How did you lie with that ? I only asked you to stop and vait a second so I could adjust to the feeling."

"Elf, I've been there myself, think ? That's usually the most difficult part to get through. I almost gave up then too, on my first try."

"You did ?"

"Sure. It's a terrifying tone, as if you're going to be split open at any instant. Me, I felt as if there was a switch that had to click over in my head in rules of order that I could relax and earmark myself to unfold further, but it just won't go. In my experience, the family line who get by that point usually flash on something in their past that helps that switch to click on, some method of relaxation they've used before. Does that sound like what happened to you ?"

Before I can stop it, my glossa betrays me."Ja ! I remembered when Herr Grüber –-"I sit up abruptly."Verdammt, Logan ! Du hast mich betrogen !"

"Yeah, I tricked you. So what ?"His blazon wrap around me, once again drawing me back down by his slope. His men return to their old activities."At least you can tell me what this mysterious Herr Grüber did that made you open up and assume my hand so well. That's not relegate information, is it ?"

"Vell, no,"I reluctantly admit."It vas only that he taught me a sort of mantra, a way to picture myself. It comes in Handy for such a situation."

"That sounds like a good thing. How does it go ?"

"You are to think yourself as a cloud floating effortlessly through the sky. It is varm, sunny, and you are drifting on a docile breeze. You are incorporeal, permeable, above all the trouble of the vorld below."Even as I say it, I feel myself start to evaporate."You stir from anatomy to regulate, impermanent, mutable. You can draw anything you have to. You can be anything you have to be."I shake my straits. Too much of this and I will quad out. Perhaps I have learned my mantra too well.

"Not bad. It sure did the trick the early night."By now, his finger's breadth are teasing one nipple, and his other hand has traveled around below my tail, not quite at that sensitive smudge between my derriere and my anus. He is teasing me, stopping just before touching that blank space.

"Ja. I have not had to use that meditation for Thomas More years than I vould really like to count. As you have often noted, I have far more flexibility in all vays than the middling soul does. And that includes certain sphincter muscles."

"That's for anathemise sure ! I never would've been able to get into you that easily for the first sentence otherwise. Not with a hand the size of mine."

That hand is just now rolling my gruelling nipple between its finger's breadth. I take cargo deck of it and bring it to my lips, kissing his knuckles and then sucking briefly on each one in good turn. Perhaps this will distract him from his persistent direction on matter I do not wish to possess him focus on. I have never told anyone a great deal about my early childhood, other than that I was in a sideshow with a carnival before I became a trapeze artist. And that is all anyone needs to cognise, including Logan.

He will not be distracted. Wresting his hand out of my eager mouth, he takes hold of my hair and gently pulls my pass back so that he is looking me in the face.

"So what else did you learn from this Grüber fellow ?"

"cypher of any interest."

"Um-hmm."

From the skeptical smell of his voice this fourth dimension, I can distinguish he does not consider me for a moment. Nevertheless, I volunteer no far information, nor do I intend to.

Then his other hand touches that lovely post just shy of my asshole. I close my eyes and drop my school principal further back until it rests on my pillow."Aah, Gott !"

"Ya like that, don't'cha, Elf ?"I can hear the gloating gratification in his voice. I might be angry, if I could muster the energy needed, but as he continues to rub me just there, it feels too blessedly good to bother.

"Yeah, ya like it."I can ideate the smug grin on his face about now. But I do not care.

"Got an idea, Elf."

"So do I. Fick mich."

He laughs."Don't worry, I'll piece of ass you soon enough. First, let's play a small game. You know how to play 20 Questions ?"

"Ja, but I vould much rather -"

He does not let me finish."If I can project out the deep dark arcanum you're hidin ’, I win. If I can't, you win. The usual terms : Loser buys the beer. What do ya say ?"

Slightly miffed, I retort,"Nein. I know how practically beer you can drink in, compared to me. I have decided the odds are stacked against me."

"Cards can be stacked, darlin ’. Odds can't."

"You know vhat I mean."

"Yeah. So what do you want to do about it ?"

I am determined to brush off those caressing finger beneath my seat and drive a severely bargain, even if my intact derriere is twitching and quivering uncontrollably beneath the covers and my cock is sozzled as a board."If I vin, you vill not only buy the beers I drink at the bar, but you vill buy me a case of beer for future consumption also."

"Agreed."

"I varn you, it vill choose many more than 20 questions."

"Ya reckon so, huh ?"

"Ja."I am very sure enough, but still I do not like the way this conversation is going. Nevertheless, his digit are still playing with me lasciviously beneath my prat, so I have not yet given up on rerouting his interests away from his whacky game.

"Then ya can't lose, right ? So let's fun. Here's my first motion. Is this Herr Grüber the man who ran the sideshow where you appeared as a small fry ?"

"Ja."The answer is out before I can so much as think about it.

"Was he the one who trained you to do the - ah - interesting -- things you can do so well when we screw ?"

All right, how could he love that ?"Ja,"I admit, somewhat reluctantly this time. Logan's guess are too close up for comfort.

"So you spent your childhood being sexually abused by him, right ?"

"Is that another question ?"I ask warily.

"Yeah."His hand moves down a piddling bit, so that he is still massaging that wonderful property with his thumb, but his finger's breadth now press against my opening.

"Ahh - mein Schatz - uh - you are distracting me from our game."

"I know that."But he does not stop.

"I vill drop off count of the questions."

"I'll keep track of what issue we're on. Right now, I'm waiting for your answer to my third question."

"Uh - no. Herr Grüber did not exactly abuse me."

"No ? one-fourth question. Then what did he exactly do to you ?"

"He very rarely had sex vith me himself. He only trained me to perform for my customers."

"Fifth question. Trained you to perform what ?"

"Vhatever they vanted of me and vere villing to pay him for."

"Sixth question. Like sex ?"

I duck my head and blot out my boldness against his broad chest, shaking my head."I do not have to respond because you have been cheating,"I gum."Do you think I do not make out that all the questions must be able-bodied to be answered by a yes or a no ? You have already asked two that should not count."

"All right, you got me on a technicality, darlin ’."His voice is soft next to my ear. I feel his natural language lick the pointed tip, even as his digit enters my eubstance."I withdraw those question. Come on, Elf. You're not gon na chicken out on me now, are ya ?"

His finger strokes me inside, reaching for my prostate. My desire flares into something that I can no longer contain, as I spit out the response he so badly wants to see."Yes, yes, yes ! Sex ! Vhat else ? ! Sex, in any vay they vant it, vith any other disgusting smutty thing they vant me to do or vant to do to me, no subject if I like it or not ! ! Are you happy now ? Are you satisfied ? !"

His face registers sudden shock as I wrench myself out of his embracement, his finger being roughly pulled out of my ass in the process. I bend before him on my hands and articulatio genus, bending my elbows to lower my head and put my ass in the air and holding my rear off to one face in the classic invitation of a cat in heat."Fick mich ! !"I demand."Jetzt !"

"Elf, come on, not like that. Let me take for you in my arms and buss your lips. I wan na see your eyes glow with making love and passion."

"Nein ! I do not vant to take care at you ! I can not ! I do not vant it nice and docile and loving ! I vant it severe and vicious. I vant you to fuck me like the sporting lady I am ! Do not talk. Do not comfort me. Make it hurt ! Fuck me ! Hard. Now."

"Aw right, if that's how you want it."After a legal brief moment, his stopcock jam against my hole, held firm and guided by his helping hand. Even so, I can feel that it is wet with lube.

I growl as he hesitates. I slam my hip back against him, forcing his hard cock into my ass in one stroke. I can feel him arch his back and take heed his guttural cry. Then his fingers dig into the sides of my pelvic arch and entertain me steady so he can thrust deeper."You want it like this, you'll get it like this."He moves fast, hard, deep, making no yielding to what I may be feeling. But I do not deal.

"Use me, hurt me, make me palpate the painful sensation !"I snarl through clenched teeth."I deserve aught more. I am a prostitute, a fornicatress, a thing to be used. That is what Herr Grüber taught me to be and that is vhat I am ! How could it be any unlike ? Fick mich, damn you !"

For a moment, he holds still, possibly shocked by my words. This is not what I want. I want what I have said : to be used and used hard. I contract bridge my pelvic muscles tightly, as if I am trying to pull him into me, then relax and do it again, at the Same clock time tilting my renal pelvis forward then back. That particular sequence of motions, if repeated rhythmically for a foresightful enough time, is almost guaranteed to impart a man to orgasm. Only a few times and Logan is moving again, matching my timing and thrusting with great enthusiasm.

"I'm -- gon na -- come,"he finally says roughly, between thrusts. Is it a threat or an apology ? I am beyond lovingness. It does not matter. I will charter whatever he wants me to, his cum, his piss, his hand, anything, it makes no difference.

His fingers clutch at me severely as he pulls my articulatio coxae into him yet again, grinding his groin tight against my buttocks, forcing them apart so he can get in further. He howls his release as I feel him tremble against me. A few more thrusts and he collapses on top of me, forcing me monotonic down onto the bed. I hear him panting for breather. I lie there as weeping leak from the corners of my optic, feeling my traitorous penis shoot its load onto the drag sheets. My insides burn where his peter still gouges into me. Then suddenly it is gone, the system of weights on top of me lifts. I know he is kneeling there looking down at me, then I hear another howl, this time of anguish, not lust.

"Elf ? O my god ! Kurt ! Are you all right ?"

I can not answer right away. Whatever got into me, to act like that ? Where did that intense need come from ? What sort of a monster am I ? And what must Logan conceive ?

His weapons system come around me and I am dragged up next to him on the bed. How can he stick out to touch me, after what I have just said ?

"Kurt ? talk to me. If you don't say something, I'm gon na carry you down to the infirmary right now."

"Vhat - vould you like me to say ?"I manage to gasp.

He pulls me against him so my head is resting on his shoulder."What was all that about ?"

I try to sprain away, but his arm holds me close."I -- I -"I stop, swallow, and try again."I think that is vhat happens vhen you play Tventy inquiry vith me."

That gets a wan grinning from him, so I continue."Perhaps it is a estimable thing that ve only got as far as number six ?"

A provisional chuckle."aspect like you owe me the beer, huh ?"

"Nein,"I object automatically, while part of my mind is still trying to adjust to the idea that he does not despise me."You cheated."

"All right. anticipate it a attracter then. We each buy our own beer the next time."

I nod, waiting to see where he takes the conversation from here.

"Now, darlin ’, you're gon na order me about all this. Or do I have to fick you again ?"

I hang my head."I -"

He lifts my Kuki-Chin before I can go any further.

"—and don't even start to say you can't talk about it. Got that ?"

I nod."Ja. You vin."

He kisses the top of my head."So evidence me what happened."

"I do not know vhere to start."

"In that case, I'll ask more questions. How did you get into a genus Circus sideshow in the inaugural berth ? Do you even bed ?"

"Only vhat I vas told by Herr Grüber. He found me as a very Young infant in a cardboard box on the doorstep of his house at the carnival'vinter after part in the village of Schönberg one icy first light. There vas a piece of paper pinned to my blanket that read ‘ Kurt Vagner ’, spelled vith a W, of course."I shrug."This could all be a lie. I have no vay to narrate. All I know for certainly is that I vas vith him as early as I can retrieve, and being surrounded by stranger who stare down at me is portion of my earliest store. That, and a voman who must possess been hired as my nurse who put her digit up my ass every time she suckled me. Much later on, Herr Grüber told me she did that on his orders.

"Vhen I vas a very Lester Willis Young tyke, it vas not too bad. I can retrieve appearing as parting of the sideshow, doubtlessly as one of the junky. There vas an extra care to see the Amazing Devil Baby, vhich became the Amazing Old Nick Boy as time passed."

I go on to enjoin Logan a relatively brief rendering of my childhood, first pointing out that, contrary to the image in most tribe'minds these days, a freak show did not ( and I say it in the past tense because such affair are generally not coarse anymore ) normally consist of masses imprisoned in John Milton Cage Jr. and forced to be on display. most of us were there of our own free will, in large part because it was the only way to earn a decent living. For those of us who could, a lot of it was a true carrying out, not just a case of standing before the gawking audience while they stared at us. At unlike times, I danced, did acrobatics, juggled, and even came up with a fairly right contortionist act.

The typical sideshow was not just freaks. There were also hoi polloi with unusual science, such as sword swallowers, conjurer, attack eaters, and tongue throwers, to list just a few. Then there were the fakes, who were not true freaks at all but only pretended to be by using various physical body of skulduggery, or who, like most of the hazard tellers, were simply fooling multitude with their mumbo jumbo. On top of all that, there were the gouger, who ran con biz and games of chance on the fall guy inside the tents, or simply picked their pockets.

From all of these people, I learned things. From the knife ceramicist, I learned to throw knives. From the fire eaters and sword swallowers, I learned how it was done, although I did not essay to do it. From the fraud and the grifters, I learned that, while it is not strictly speaking admittedly that"you can't cheat an honest man ”, it is indeed significantly more difficult to do so. The easiest person to darnel is the one who thinks he is really entitled to get something for nil, especially if you can also make him think he can put something over on you.

As I have already mentioned, I was not usually in the main part of the sideshow, but rather one of the extra attracter that was offered for the men in the hearing to see at the end of the show, for a small extra tutelage. This was called the"blow off"and was conducted behind a curtain that concealed one integral end of our tent. It consisted mainly of scantily-clad untried ladies who would dance for the men, often giving them fleeting glimpses of nakedness. Our dancers were dressed in Arabic costumes, with many veils they could shed during the performance before anything serious would be revealed, and the only medicine they needed was provided by a bingle drummer. Some of the lady were more skillful at these so-called belly dances than others.

I was told later on that as an infant, I was brought out by one of the ladies, undressed, and held out for the audience to see up close. The Amazing daemon Baby was the warm-up act before the dancing began.

As I got older, I was able to be a more active participant, coming in with the ladies to show myself off. While I had not been taught to trip the light fantastic toe as they did, I started mimicking them early on. That made the men looking at us grin and express joy, so I kept on doing it. I discovered by accident that the audience would cheer me enthusiastically if I tried to pull off some of the head covering that covered the Lady, so I added that to my act. It was fun to take heed the audience bam for me. The dancers soon figured out how to play along with what I did, shrieking as I came near them, trying to keep their veils out of my reach, or acting very embarrass if I were successful in my efforts.

When I was old enough that propriety demanded that I also wear something most of the prison term, we set it up so that the madam could tear off my clothing also, to get to a greater extent laughs. By the end of the show, I usually ended up entirely nude. I would take the air over close to the bound of the stage and let the people touch me however they wished. I was so used to being displayed to others by then that I was not embarrassed or ashamed.

Since I already looked the office, I played up my devilishness as I got older, leering at the dancers and taunting them. I even had a illumination pitchfork, and brandished it suggestively. By that clip, I knew very well what was going on and why men wanted to see naked woman. I also knew perfectly well what the men wanted to do to those nude women, if they had had a fortune. I suspected that some of the girlfriend were doing Sir Thomas More than merely dancing for the men, just as I was, but I thought zippo of it.

I had barely learned to talk reasonably well when Herr Grüber started my training in earnest. At first it was easy and sort of fun. I used my custody to delight the private customer that came to our lagger late at night, as Herr Grüber had arranged with them earlier in the day. He was exceptionally expert at picking out people in the hearing who showed a particular proposition enchantment with me, then offering them the probability for a more buck private interaction later on, for a rather highschool fee, natürlich.

When a male person client brought a woman with him to see me, wanting to simply check me delight her, it was easy, even with just two fingers and a thumb on each of my hired man to make with. I think that very novelty was part of what interested some of them in my ministrations. Of form, I had to be heedful of my fingernails, which even at that tender age were thicker and magnanimous than the intermediate kid's.

My Male customers were more challenging, as they could be very demanding and I had to use more strength and effort to make them fall. There was always a good sense of triumph when I was successful, as the stallion process fascinated me.

Sex electronic organ became some of my most occupy toy dog. Once one of the men asked me to lick up the sticky clobber he had produced, and I found it did not have a very bad taste at all. None of the men asked me to breastfeed on their dicks though. All I had to do was smile at them and they lost any interest they might have had in such a matter. Even my baby tooth were acuate, crooked, and oversized. Probably that was for the beneficial, as my mouth would not have accommodated them. I have yet to find anyone who wants me to give them a setback job.


As I grew former, Herr Grüber gradually added other bodily process to my repertory, as I became able-bodied to do them. I was a very well educatee, wanting, as a child will, to please the individual who seemed most concern in me. It was not permitted to offend me, and I did not know there was anything strange about being fondled by strangers, or being expected to touch their genitals and give them pleasure. It was simply what I did. Eventually I learned to include my after part in the performance of my duty, along vith a large array of the device usually known as sex toy, which is particularly apt in my case.

I never knew how often money he made by selling me -- how do you say ? - off the record, but it must have been a considerable sum, since he had many more luxuries than the others around us, even the top tier performer in the circus itself. None of us in his display lacked for adept food and decent livelihood atmospheric condition, considering the itinerant liveliness we had to lead.

Sometimes I broke one of Herr Grüber's principle and was punished, but that was not very often. However, when it did happen, it was not fun at all."



"Rules, Elf ?"Logan interrupted."What kind of rules ?"

"Oh, mostly quite reasonable. The first three vere the most of import. Let me see if I can still think of them correctly.

"First prescript : Never tell about vhat happens vith my private customers or during my training sessions. Second ruler : Never garbage to do vhat Herr Grüber tells you to do in the training academic session. Third convention : You may never deny a paying customer anything. You may cry, plead, or beg, but you must not dissent in any vay. Only Herr Grüber is permitted to resolve what may or may not be done by a customer.

"I may suffer gotten the exact vording of the last one a small wrong, but that was the gist of it. Since I vas a upright little boy and tried hard to please him, I seldom broke those dominion. I vas punished most often for vhat he called shadow Infractions."

"tail end misdemeanour ? What on earth -- ?"

"Very simple. If I failed to insure my tail and either got it in the vay of what was being done, or spoiled, actually struck him with it. The very vorst thing vas to coin one of my buck private customers."

"But you've often told me you can't always control what your tail end does or how it moves."

"Ja, and that is the honest trueness. Eventually, Herr Grüber believed me vhen I told him that. My tail truly does have a mind of its own in many vays, responding to my emotional State Department automatically."

As I am saying that, I sneak my after part around underneath the cover version and tickle the sole of his groundwork. He laughs, and we struggle playfully for a second as I continue to try to tickle him. I end up pinned down beneath him while he holds my tail firmly away from his organic structure with one hand, frowning down at me.

"reach it up and I'll let you go. Otherwise I'll give your butt a proficient twist."

I know that is an empty menace. He will not seriously harm my buttocks. Nevertheless, I let it go limp in his grasp.

"As you may cause noticed,"I say, trying hard not to express joy,"the darn matter still gets me in trouble now and then. But I have learned a certain amount of control since I vas a child."

Mollified, he releases me entirely and we get comfortable alongside each other again. I must soon resume my story, like it or not.

"Once Herr Grüber realized I did not do it deliberately, the punishments ceased. However, my shadower vould always be restrained if I vere vith a client and he thought it might evidence to be a problem. I got so that I expected something really bad to happen to me any time my tail vas tied down as part of the preparation for the arriver of a client. I vas seldom disappointed in my expectations."

"So what exactly did he do to penalize you ?"

"He had a extra horseback riding crop vhich vas used only for that purpose. It vas more strict than the usual ones, so it hurt more. It had a red strip of leather braided in vith the usual black strips so I could tell it from the others. I got a sealed number of blows across my buttocks, depending on the severity of the infraction, either hindquarters or ordinary Rule. The most vas five, but usually I got much less. However, if I cried out or tried to parry the blow, I vould get one More added to the amount for each time I did that, also the same as vould have happened during ordinary punishments. It did not claim long to learn not to do that."

Logan nodded. That apparently made common sense to him."audio as if he was a rather rough taskmaster."

"That, mein Freund, is an understatement to say the least. Vith me, it produced the sort of results he vanted."

Logan stares off into space for a mo, as if he is thinking about something. Then he comes back to the present.

"As the twig is flex,"he says softly,"so grows the tree."

"Vhat ?"

"haven't you ever heard that proverb ?"

I shake my head, then I try translating it into German, to see if it might sound more familiar. “'Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum ’."

"Yeah, that's it. You mean you've never heard it before ?"

"I have not. I think ve do not say that in Germany."

"Your Herr Grüber was obviously familiar with the construct,"Logan replies, somewhat disdainfully.

"Ja, it vould appear so. But vhy do you say ‘ tvig'? That is a very low branch, not a young tree like a seedling."

"How would I know ? That's just the way it goes, that's all."

"Vell, the meaning is certainly true, in any case."

"Enough of this. Let's get back to the report, huh ?"

I glance out the window, and see the bare clue of gray in the duskiness beyond. There will not be time to distinguish him much more before the dawn will be upon us, and we will have to get up. There are, after all, classes to learn. Whatever happens between us, it will not be resolved in the unforesightful metre remaining in this Nox. But I can make a start.

I nod and try to relax back against him as I go on.

"It vas not all sex, you know. Like any child growing up in a genus Circus, I had piles of other things I had to do also, besides being a dancing freak in the sideshow. The sideshow only ran before and after the main genus Circus shows, vhich left me gratuitous to take a minor part in the real performances. I had a talent for aerobatics, so I started at an early age in the children's athletic show. Of grade, I could not appear as I really looked or no one vould pay to see me as a nut. Mutants vere not generally recognized for vhat they vere in those daytime, since they vere still relatively rare and the worldwide public knew nothing except a few stories about people vith strange power or appearances. At that time, I did not know vhat I vas either. It got lots tough to disguise myself later on, when the existence of variation became coarse knowledge.

"The director of the children's company decided to hide me in plain sight : all the tiddler vere costumed as piddling devils vith poop and vore makeup in various color and designs. To bring in me even less conspicuous, I had to be a little lady friend, vith a flouncy short wench and hanker curly vig. The skirt covered part of my tail, so if I forgot now and then to hold it stiff and artificially curved like the juke tails the others vore, it vould be LE noticeable.

"Vhen ve had a parade down the independent street of a town to attract citizenry to the display, I rode along on the elephant, vearing a easy antic costume and physical composition that concealed me completely as I juggled some colorful balls or balanced on my hands."

Zirkus Sonnig was not large or long-familiar. In fact, as circuses went, it was somewhat disreputable, but I did not know that back then. It traveled mostly around Bavaria, so, unlike the American circuses that often had long distances to cover between block, we usually had to drive for only a short prison term. Since all of Germany is only about the size of the state of Montana, and Bavaria is only one part of Germany, we did not spend large total of time in transit, which gave us more meter for setting up the tents and other necessary equipment. In all, there were only nine gravid trucks to dribble equipment and creature, plus varying numbers game of soul campers or poke belonging to the performing artist and former prole. Herr Grüber and I lived in his nicest poke, and he had another one for some of his sideshow masses, while still others had their own trucks or campers.

Every winter we stayed at our quarters in the pocket-sized Town of Schönberg in central Bavaria, which I have already mentioned. The other child in the Circus would go to the local shoal during that time, but I had my own individual tutor, since I could not appear in public unless I was thoroughly concealed by my clothing. It being winter and very cold, that was not too unmanageable for me to accomplish so long as I was outside, but it would not work indoors at a school.

As for the sex, even when I became old enough to learn more complex behaviors, it still was not that bad. As soon as my finger became fairly in effect at what they did, Herr Grüber started working on other parts of me. By the clip he started training me to swallow anal penetration, I was so accustomed to knowing about such affair that I approached it as just another lesson I must learn in guild to please him. After all, I had been used to having his finger up my ass on a fixture basis, ever since my nurse had been dismissed.

After my fifth birthday, I was put to bed every night with a derriere plug in my ass, in gradually increasing sizes. It was during this time that he taught me the floating cloud speculation that has proven so in force. By my one-sixth birthday, he had sold the right to take my virginity, such as it was, to the high-pitched bidder he could find.

But you must not think he just let someone rip me open. Oh no. He was always very thrifty, setting limits and keeping an eye on what was done. As a result, I was never seriously injured during any of this, although it was unspeakable and frightening at times, especially that first fourth dimension with an adult man.

If I did very well, he vould severalize me I was his besonderes Dämon-Kind, or his kluger kleiner Teufel. Then he would bring me a endowment from the midway. Maybe some cotton candy or Zea mays everta or some small bangle he thought I would like.

If I seemed sad about being unlike from the other fry, he would order me that, if I were like the others, I would not be able to do all these affair so well and he would not love me as much.

As I have mentioned, there were penalization if I broke his rules, but when I was punished, it was only because I deserved it. Most of the time, I got pleasure from what he did, and also from what my private customer did to me. Herr Grüber was always right there, not permitting anyone to be rough or brutal to me. As any small fry might do, I thought of him as my teacher and protector."



Mount Logan breaks into my story, clearly ineffectual to keep open lull any longer."Elf, he only protected you like that because he didn't want to ruin you."

"Ruin me ?"

"Think about it. If he let everyone rape you repeatedly and brutally, how long would it own been before you were terrified, traumatized, and no longer attractive to the client ? Rip your asshole open up often enough and long enough, and you'd lose your muscular tissue tonus and be unable to do what you now do so well. Same matter if he let you enamour all kinds of diseases. He didn't want to damage his valuable merchandise. Can't you see that ?"

"I can now, but it did not sense that vay back then."

"Of course not ! What did you get laid about such things ? You were a kid."

My center are staring down at the storey again, as I acknowledge the full extent of how well and surely Herr Grüber had manipulated me."I guess you think I should have resisted vhat he -"

"How ? What could you have realistically done to stop him ? give yourself a suspension. It wasn't your mistake, so why are you looking so ashamed ? Are you afraid I'll think less of you because you didn't fight back ?"

"No. Not for that exactly."

"What then ?"

"Gott hilf mir, I enjoyed it ! I vanted it ! I vanted his dearest ! I vould do anything he told me to do, just so I could get his approval."

"All children need love, Elf, just like we do,"Logan says, petting my read/write head and smoothing my hair back gently."Why would you be any dissimilar ?"

"They don't need that sort of love ! !"I retort, too loudly and with my voice breaking at the end.

"No, they don't. But if they can't get one kind of beloved, they'll acquire another. Do some inquiry on brainwashing, darlin ’. There's more than one way to break person's will, and one of those ways is to convince them to love you."

I think about that as I struggle to get myself under control. Finally, I am composed enough to ask,"Mount Logan, do you guess I am half-baked because of vhat Herr Grüber did to me ?"

"As far as sex goes, Elf, I think you're one of the sanest people I've ever known. Also, one of the most well-read, and you didn't learn that in your tumbling form. take in that floating like a cloud thing, for instance. Turned out to get along in handy, didn't it ?"

"But I learned that from Herr Grüber."

"I know, but it works, doesn't it ?"

I nod grudgingly.

Logan leans forward and kisses my eyes."So don't worry about it. I'll never think any to a lesser extent of you for what someone else did a long time ago."

I am about to severalise him he might very well consider LE of me if he knew the rest of what I did, but at that bit, our alarm clock goes off.

We both parachuting. Logan reaches the clock first and turns it off. I am gladiolus he did not slit it in one-half, as he has sometimes done. The sun has somehow managed to run up itself up above the skyline unnoticed by either of us.

We look at each other and shrug our berm."I guess it is time for me to get up,"I say reluctantly.

"Serves ya right for agreeing to teach an early class this semester. I get to sleep for another brace of hours."He grins and flops down onto his side, pulling the pillow up over his head.

As I get out of bed, I hear his muted voice claim out,"This give-and-take isn't finished, Kurt. Just postponed until tomorrow night."

"Ja,"I agree, without enthusiasm.


THE theatre
Interlude


As Logan comes in the door to the retinue of elbow room we occupy here at the School, he finds me sitting in the chair by the window in our bedroom, a bottle of beer in one hand and an hollow nursing bottle already on the windowsill.

"OK, Kurt, what's goin'on ? I don't usually see ya drinkin'this ahead of time in the day."

I glance at the clock beside our bed."It is 4:36 PM, mein Schatz. That is not so early."

"Umm,"is the noncommittal response. He comes over, rustle my hand and the bottle together to assure the tier of the fluid. one-half evacuate. Or one-half wide, if you are an optimist. He leans down next to me, pressing his sassing against mine.

When we end the buss, I make a typeface and state him,"You taste like your last cigar."

"And you taste like your last beer, with a slope order of brimstone."

zip unusual about either complaint. We are just sparring with each other, as we often do.

"OK, darlin ’, gon na tell me why the beer ?"

"Ja. Very elementary. I have something to read you from my childhood and I am trying to get in a relaxed modality, since I know it vill not be easy."

For a second, he is puzzled."I thought we were gon na cease our lecture about that tonight, Elf. In bed."

"Ve are. But I vas just unpacking a box of old books I have had sent over from vhere they vere being stored in Germany. I thought I might be able-bodied to use some of them in my Intermediate German class next class. In a corner of the box, along vith a few early keepsakes, I found something that had once been very authoritative to me, and I vish now to show up it to you."

Lifting the nursing bottle to my lips, I drink the rest of the beer, set the nursing bottle on the windowsill along with the previous one, and open up another from the cardboard cartonful at my substructure. Only then do I stand up, prepared to lead the way into the room I use as my study.

Mount Logan raises an supercilium, glancing at the remaining beers in the carton on the level. I nod, so he picks them up and carries them with us, taking one for himself as we go.

"So usher me this keepsake that's so authoritative you have to fort yourself with three bottles of Löwenbräu before you can deal with it."He slumps down into the reclining chair in the corner of my study where I do most of my meter reading, taking various swallows of his beer. Then he nods approvingly at the feeding bottle in his handwriting."right stuff."

"Danke. Does that have in mind I have finally convinced you that German beer is better than that horse piss you Americans drink ?"

"Uh-huh. Especially if you're the one paying for it."

I ignore his laugh. From amongst the piles of books scattered around my desk, I pick up a small target and contribute it over to him, draping myself bonelessly across his lap. He switches on the promising indication lamp next to the chair, then props me up with one arm behind my articulatio humeri, as I hold my helping hand out to him."Here."

Setting his beer on the floor, he takes the little objective into his own big manus, turning it around and examining it quizzically in the light from the lamp."A little menage. Looks reasonably old. A corner of the grounds is broken off, but somebody seems to take tried to smooth out it out and paint it so it's not so noticeable."

"Ja. I did that."

"So what's the mess ?"

I prop my chief against his shoulder and the back of the professorship and blade myself for what is to fall with a retentive swallow of beer.

"One day vhen I vas about nine geezerhood of age, Herr Grüber came over to me carrying the dreaded riding crop with the red braid - and something else,"I begin.



"H - have I been bad, mein Herr ? Am I to be punished ? Vhat have I done ?"I said, my voice growing more despondent with each sentence.

He shook his school principal. No. I am not to be punished. I released the breath I was holding.

"You're a big boy now, Kurt, and I'm going to start the next phase of your preparation. You will encounter it to be unpleasant at times, so I'm going to chip in you something that will help you deal with it."

He held out his script. I saw a pocket-size but detailed model of a sign of the zodiac. It was that kind where the first story is brick, in this case painted white-hot, while the 2d narrative slightly overhangs the first and is mostly Stanford White, but has numerous large timbers at slant, all painted black. I think this style is often called Tudor in this res publica. The cap was shingled, and a red brick lamp chimney ran up one side of the construction. I could see the sign only from the front end, but it had a bay windowpane protruding from the side of meat that was opposite from the chimney. The little house rested on a department of pale green lawn with several bushes. There was a wooden threshold with a path leading up to it.

Why would he want to pass me such a affair ? I dared not even take it from his hired hand until he indicated I might do so.

"Mein Herr, I do not understand. Vhat am I to do vith this ?"

"Over the next mates of daylight, I want you to analyse it very closely. memorize the outside so well that you can see it clearly in your mind, then decide how it looks on the inside. figure the rooms, the location, what it would await like if you were standing inside it.

"But how can I know vhat it looks like on the interior ? It has no real inside."

"You must take for yourself how you want it to look, in so lots particular that you can fix it securely in your psyche. Where is the kitchen ? The bedroom ? Living elbow room, can ? Is there a study ? A hall ? Where are the steps ? Which bedroom is yours ? Since the entire house belongs to you, you can construct it in whatever way you want it to be."

"However I vant ?"

"Ja. Except there is one thing that must be there : beneath the entire house, there is a cellar. This basement is iniquity, damp, and cold. It is full of detritus and malicious gossip, for no one ever goes down there. lowlife and mice scurry on the floor, spiders spin their webs in corners and ceilings. piss seeps through the cracks in the walls when it rains. Scary affair reach out from the apparition. Strange and frightening interference assault your spike. The stairs that lead down into this cellar are old and crappy. They may not hold the weight even of a boy such as yourself."

"Herr Grüber, I - I do not think I vish to live in a theatre that has such a terrible basement."

"You have no selection, mein kleines Dämon-Kind. It is where you will be."

I averted my eyes and nodded, trembling.

"In sentence, you will learn to love that basement, for it is the piazza where you will hold on all the thing you can not stand to look in the light of day. If you are afraid, you will push your awe down through that doorway, and let it fall to the bottom of those rickety stairs. Disgust will go there also, along with ignominy and abasement. This is where you will institutionalize your nightmare, when you awaken from them crying.

"But almost of all, when you are hurt, this is where you will put your pain, so you will not feel it so much as it is happening to you. You will imagine it stored down in the far quoin of that basement, surrounded by nasty things. You will see the rats gnawing on it, cockroaches scuttling over it. The things that gibber and shriek in the shadow will tear at it, until it's all gone, and all that's left is you, tucked calmly and safely in your ardent bed in your own cozy bedroom."

"But vhy vill I have to do that ?"

"You will not have to do it, Kurt."He hit me across the face with the riding harvest, not terribly hard, but hard enough."You will want to do it."

And indeed, I did, if it would ease the sharp sting across my impertinence and the pain of my bleeding lip.

"Your next lessons will be on the exercise of pain, child. It will take some geezerhood for you to master this section of your training, and you will not enjoy it very much. Or perhaps -- who knows ? - you may be one of those who do enjoy it, once you know what it's like."

He held the little aim closelipped to me, in front of my face."sketch your sign of the zodiac very closely, mein kleiner Teufel. Learn to dwell in it and progress to it your own."

I stared dubiously at the gift he proposed to make me.

"Mein Herr, is it permitted that I ask you a question ?"

"Yes. Whether or not I answer is, as always, my choice."

"How did you learn all the things you teach me, and vill instruct me in the futurity ?"

"How do you conceive ?"

"individual taught you, as you are teaching me."

"Yes."

"Who ?"I did not really have a bun in the oven an result, but I got one.

"My father."

Perhaps I should deliver expected that, but I did not."He gave you - this ?"I replied, pointing one finger tentatively at the business firm he still held in his hand.

He nodded.

"May I also ask if he - sold you - as you do me ?"

"No, baby. He kept me for his own exclusive use."

I hesitated for a moment before daring to admit this idea any advance. But he was not glower, nor had he threatened me with the riding harvest so far.

"Did you - enjoy it ?"My spokesperson faded out towards the end, as my courage finally failed me.

"That I will not answer, Kurt. Never speak to me again about this subject. Verstehst du ?"

"Ja, I understand. I vill not."

He smiled. I had pleased him yet again."You're a undecomposed boy, shaver. Don't be afraid. This will not all be bad. There are good things to add up for you, if you learn your deterrent example well."

I wanted to ask what good things, but knew better than to push my circumstances. I glanced up at him trustingly, hoping for an explanation.

"I have spoken to M'sieur Villaume. He is willing to let you try out tomorrow. If you do well, he will start training you on the trapeze along with his own son, during the wintertime months."

My heart sang with joy. I had wanted this for so long, but had thought it would never be permitted to me. I knew I had the ability to be an aerialist. I had stared for many long hours at the Villaume family up on the trapezes. I knew the basic relocation, and had practiced some of them from the branches of Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree whenever I could. I was the best acrobat in our small troupe of shaver, right than some of the grownup. My dream might now be possible after all !

Or it might be, if I continued to please Herr Grüber. For I had no deception about that. If I did not pick up these new lessons, and learn them well, he would not let me do this come winter.

"I vill make you majestic of me, mein Herr,"I promised fervently."In all vays."I held out my handwriting for the trivial mansion.

Satisfied, he placed it on my humble palm."Do you now begin to acknowledge what this is, Kurt ?"

I stared up at him, my eyes across-the-board, and judder my head.

"kid, this is the household of Pain."

I curled my few digit around the preciously gift he had given me."I accept it villingly."




Logan drains the beer from the bottle in his hand and drops it to the floor to join the four others that are now lying there.

"Aw, horseshit, Elf,"he says, wrapping both arms around me."Not when you were only nine eld old."

"Ja,"I say, my voice muffled against his chest."Herr Grüber believed in starting his grooming young."

"Motherfuckin'son-of-a-bitch ! !"

"Do you have in mind you think he fucked dogs ?"I inquire archly, looking up so Logan can see my face.

"Huh ?"At to the lowest degree I had derailed the string of torment that would sustain come next.

"Vell, if he is the son of a bitch, his female parent is a dog, nicht wahr ? And if he fucks his female parent, he vould be fucking -"

Logan holds up a hand to hold back me as he finishes the prison term himself."—a dog."

"Ja."

"You're not gon na recount me you don't know what I meant, are ya ?"

I gaze at him with a spirit of guiltless incomprehension.

"Look, Elf, it's an -"

"—idiom. Ja, I know."I grin as I get up off his lap."Just trying to buoy up things up, mein Freund. The melodrama in here vas getting so thick I vould soon have to have teleported us avay before ve suffocated."Grabbing a hand, I pull him up from the chair."Come. It is almost time for supper and I'm hungry, despite all this beer. Lass uns gehen."

As I turn to drag out him towards the room access, I feel a acutely nose drops across my backside just below my tail.

"Ow !"I turn and look at him reproachfully."Vhat did you do that for ?"

"Just because I can, smartass."

I could not resist the obvious comeback."Vell, my ass may not be all that smart, but it is certainly smarting just now."

"Agh !"he exclaims, putting his arm around my waist as we head down the stairs to dinner.

Part 2 :
SO GROWS THE Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the sprig is twist, so grows the tree.




The sun has set long ago and near of the others have finished dinner, yet still I sit pushing the food around on my denture. It is good and I am thirsty, but I can not wedge myself to eat very much, as my venter appears to be playing Host to a large pot of restless butterflies.

Mount Logan leans over to me and says softly,"All rightfulness, darlin ’. You know you're just stalling now. Let's get this over with."

I nod my acquiescence and acclivity to my feet. In silence, we climb the two flights of stairs to our entourage of rooms on the tierce floor, where most of the adults and teachers have their quarters. Mount Logan locks the door behind us as we go in, as he usually does.

Again, as is our common praxis, we strip off all our clothes and nous for the bed. The simply unusual matter about all this tonight is that it is far earlier than our fixture bedtime, and I am not looking forward to what will come about when we are both in bed.

Mount Logan piles all of our pillows into a comfortable mess in the middle of the headboard, tucks himself under the covers and props himself up reclining against the pillows, then looks at me with one eyebrow raised. I sigh and reluctantly lie down by his side, pulling the cover up over me also. It is a cold night for ahead of time March, and the heating scheme of the mansion is not always quite passable for me to feel well-heeled during a frigidness enchantment. Maybe I should get up and get my wrapper and habiliment that. No, Logan has already gotten his arms around me. He would tell me I am just stalling if I get up again. And he would be right. Oh well, if I stay here for a patch, I will surely get affectionate lying next to him like this. I bend my peg and pressure my cold feet against his warm up calves.

He sighs."You're not really into this, are you, Elf ?"

"It is that obvious ?"

"Sure. Any other night, especially a chilly one, you'd be wrapped around me tighter than a boa constrictor with his prey, but you're just lyin'there tonight."

"This is not easy for me, you know."

"I know."All of a sudden, his face takes on this"I got an approximation"expression. Uh-oh. Last nighttime it was 20 question. What is it this clock time ?

He grins at me, then tries to frown menacingly."I may not hafe vays of makink you talk, but I do hafe vays of makink it easier for you to talk."He leans over across me, rummaging in the drawer of my nightstand.

I can not assist but smile at the overdone German accent.

Having found what he is searching for and gotten back to his face of the bed, he holds up the target ballyhoo that he gave me for my birthday last November. It is a passably thing, made of solidness Co low-spirited glass, about 15 centimetre long and 5 cm full at the freighter of the attack cone-shaped constituent. Below that, it narrows down to a picayune under 3 cms before widening out into a large compressed orbitual foot. organism Methedrine, it is expectant, smooth, and usually cool to the touch.

I know immediately what he is suggesting. Mild stimulation always loosens my glossa. This might work.

I nod in concord, leaning over to snaffle a fingerful of lube from the container that sits discreetly in a carved wooden box on my nightstand. As I rub the sebaceous stuff onto the butt quid and my ass, I smile again as I remember how we started using Crisco a few weeks ago, when we ran out of the common lube one Nox and frantically ransacked the kitchen for a replacement. It turned out not to be as messy as the regular water-based stuff, and slew flashy.

Rolling onto my side, I bend one leg up sharply, produce my tail, and introduce my bequeath rear to Logan for insertion. As such things go, this is not a humble hype by any means, so he works it in gradually, allowing me meter to set. As the widest piece opens me and slides in, I sigh as I feel the familiar pressure sensation settle into spot. I can already sense some of my anxiety dissolving. When I sleep part of the night with this plug in place, I wake up as horny as can be. I suspect that is the rationality Logan gave it to me in the first place.

He presses a finger gently against the circular bag, rocking it back and Forth River inside me. I squirm at the lovely wizard, tucking myself more tightly into the lovingness of his arms. a good deal better. Maybe I can utter about this after all. clarification my throat, I give it a try.


"As I said this good afternoon, Herr Grüber gave me that lilliputian mannequin of a house and told me how I vas to use it. I took him at his vord, and began to guess it in my brain, deciding the total top floor, including the large bay vindows on the front and face of the house, vas my sleeping room, since no one else lived there except me. It vas to the full of light and cheerfulness, and I decorated it vith all the things that gave me delight. Pictures of peaceable green forests, snow-covered mountain, and ships sailing over dramatically tempestuous seas covered the valls, along vith circus card that advertised my incredible skill on the trapeze and high vire. Stained glass filled the superman of one of the vindows, throwing splotch of color around the big room. There vere ledge and shelves of Book for me to take, and a large flabby bed with a well-heeled quilt of squares sewn together, all in unlike shades of purpleness. The cap vas a vast painting of stars in all their many configuration and practice. It vas a way of felicitous dreaming and cheerful mean solar day, the form of office I had alvays vanted.

"I put a broad bathroom vith a turgid tub at the side of meat of the elbow room furthest from the vindows, imagining how nice it vould be to take that tub vith hot vater and soaking in it on moth-eaten days. The toilet vas lower to the ground and little, to conveniently fit my child's stature. I figured I could make it bigger later on, as I grew aged. I covered the flooring vith thick carpeting, so my foot vould never be cold from valking on a bare storey.

"All this vas fun, but then I had to create the bottom story, vith its door to the cellar. I started vith a escape of very ordinary stair, imagining myself descending them. At starting time, I could see zero but duskiness, but then individual rooms began to take shape."

I break off, seeing in my judgment a vision of the lovely upstairs room I had evoked shattering on the stark reality of the down in the mouth trading floor.

I swallow hard, staring into that darkness down below."I can not go on."

Mount Logan says zilch but only kisses the top of my head, then the fingerbreadth between my legs remembers its undertaking of pushing the butt chew slightly in and out, in and out. My entirely body tenses as a muscle spasm of pleasure runs through me. I gasp. He kisses my back talk this time, then pulls away to whisper in my ear.

"What are ya afraid of, darlin'? Why can't you tell me ?"

"You vill think me veak and covardly for vhat I let him do to me, and for vhat he made me do."All right wing, I have said it. Good.

"You ? A Noel Coward ? I know better. Besides, you were a child at the time."

"Macht's nichts. I did not resist. In some vays, I enjoyed it."

"Elf, we've been over this before. There was nothing you could do to stop him. You were a child, at the clemency of an adult. As for the enjoyment, no matter what age a mortal is, it's still sex, and sex can be made to be enjoyable, even if forced."

"You are properly. But -"

"Nothing in the earth could change you into a doormat in my optic. I swear it."

I still look dubious. He continues to pump his finger gently against the blue glass.

"C'mon, Elf. What more can I say ?"

"Nothing."An mind strikes me, as I enjoy the feeling of the smoothen blue glass moving against my interior."But there is something you could do."

"What ? Just tell me and I'll do it."

"I vill tell you later. Still villing to promise ?"

He regards me with a certain amount of misgiving."You're up to somethin ’, ain't ya ?"

"Ja. But that is all I vill say about it."

"Aw right, aw right, I promise. So maintain talkin ’."

"The bottom floor does not interest me much. I supply it vith the lower limit of vhat is requirement in the vay of a kitchen and a living room. naught fancy. Just plain utilitarian particular and furnishing. At the far side of the kitchen, I reluctantly add the door that goes down into the basement. It is made of thick oak, solidly built and strong. I add a vauntingly atomic number 26 bolt, telling myself that nothing can get through that door unless I open it from my side of meat. I feel safer once that is finished.

"In my spare fourth dimension for the next few daytime, I devote myself to studying my little star sign. One turning point, as you noticed, vas broken off, so I borrowed a file from one of the circus handymen and smoothed off the rough edges. Then I talked him into letting me use some pigment to constitute it viridity, blending in vith the rest of the lawn. The house pleased me even more, once it appeared less damaged. I continued to render my pin-up bedroom, adding Sir Thomas More and more detail to it in my mind's eye. Now and again, I forced myself to recall about the cellar, but I hated that part of my exercise.

"Shortly after that, Herr Grüber began my new training."

He started easily and slowly. A few unhorse slaps with his handwriting against my buttocks, then harder and more, until I was getting a true spanking that really suffer. Sometimes this would be only in my training sessions, sometimes in front line of a private client. Eventually, it would be the customer who did such affair to me.

Then he would start out using something else. Wooden paddles, a belt ammunition, the frightening riding crop that had only been used for penalty before, and even then very seldom. zippo that did real damage or left much in the way of marks, but the pain was real. As with the earlier punishments I described, if I did not remain still and accept what was being done, I got more stroking added.

Next I must learn to be tied or otherwise restrained. That was frightening, leaving me feeling entirely helpless and at the clemency of whoever else was there. If I had not believed Herr Grüber would continue to stay fresh me prophylactic from grievous harm, I would take in been even more terrified.

And yes, as he had said, by this time I truly wanted to make use of my little menage. Somehow, the basement never got too full. No topic what I forced down into it, I found that there was plenty of elbow room for more.

Vicious little clamps that pinched my skin, then my nipples and parts of my genitals. Places on my body that seemed so innocent until the right amount of pressure applied by naught More than a finger could cause excruciating agony. All of this was done coupled with various sexual acts, so both the painfulness and the ecstasy became tortuous together in my mind.

But when he first used a knife on me, just the skin senses of the vertebral column of the vane as he drew it lightly across my hide lit up my nerves like the Light on a Dec 25 tree diagram. I was absolutely terrified, but also absolutely fascinated. Rarely was I cut, and even then, not deeply, but the anticipation and the care of what might be done made up for the want of life-threatening pain.

By the sentence the season was over and the circus went to its winter living quarters in Schönberg, Herr Grüber was very pleased with my progress. He fulfilled his promise of allowing me to train on the trapeze with M'sieur Villaume and his family, even as he continued my other training.

I was very popular with some of my private customers by now. They would even come to see me in our little small town, although it was rather out of the way for many of them. Once one of the more trusted customers was permitted to take me home for a weekend. That was frightening. I had to trust that Herr Grüber's judging in this thing was correct. But it all turned out well. I returned abode with the 1st of many gifts I was to get from my customers : a miniature pirate ship in a bottle.

My trapeze lessons turned out well also. As you have probably guessed, M'sieur Villaume decided that I had enceinte talent for the trapeze. By the end of that winter, he had approached Herr Grüber with a request to allow me to continue my grooming while the carnival was on the route, so long as it took topographic point only at times and situation where no strangers were around to see me. Herr Grüber agreed readily, no dubiousness cerebration of the day when I would be good enough to appear in the main show and could realise a skillful wage for him, in place of being in the sideshow. I too dreamed of that day.

Privately, he let me know that my trapeze employment would be contingent on my continuing to do well with my early training, and that I must not reserve it to interfere with the servicing of my common soldier client late at Nox, as usual. That was a meddling summer, but I enjoyed it, despite some of the moral he wished to learn me. I found that my experience in being hurt gave me one vantage over others in learning the trapeze : I did not fear bother as other children did, so I did not build a big tidy sum out of falling and getting distress when I landed in the safety net wrong, to note just one thing. Make no mistake : no truly difficult physical skill is learned without mistakes, damage, combat injury, song, sprains, and other kinds of pain in the neck. Sometimes the bad pain did not come from Herr Grüber's lessons at all. My little house came in handy for dealing with that also.

The beginning of the end of my precarious happiness came at the end of that summer season, when piddling Anna arrived. Circus Sonnig had moved back to its winter one-quarter and Herr Grüber and I had just finished moving our thing into his house when he told me I would be staying for a weekend at the home of one of my customers. Conveniently, he had to go away himself over that same clip in rescript to take care of some business. I thought zip of it, by now an old deal at visiting the dwelling house of the men who paid for my military service. I had eagerly awaited this winter, when I would resume my unconstipated classes with M'sieur Villaume, instead of the slam-bang radiation pattern of training we had resorted to during the in use summer months.

When I returned home, I learned that Herr Grüber's"byplay"had been obtaining a new freak for his appearance, possibly person to take my place once I was trade good enough to do on the trapeze. This was, of course, the Anna I have mentioned. She was only five days old and he had gotten her from a upstage orphanage. I was certain that he had not told the mass who ran the orphanage of the use he intended to make water of her.

Anna was what we would now call intersexual. She had such a expectant and well-developed clitoris that it could easily be mistaken for a penis if one did not look closely. She also had a vagina, but it was not of formula size, even for a nipper her age. Herr Grüber did not rule that out right away, as she was an intact virgin when he adopted her.

He planned to expose her for an extra rush, as he did with the dancing girl and me, as a kid epicene person, which would draw a good crowd. There were some He-Shes or Half-and-Halfs, as they were also called, in many sideshows, but they were all adults and many were just men in drag who knew how to disguise their male organs so that it appeared they had a vagina in gain to a phallus. It was the custom for these family line to be dressed as a male on one slope of their body and female on the other. Of course of instruction, that is foolishness, as even a dead on target hermaphrodite, something which is very rare, would not be unlike right down the middle in that manner.

Anna hated it when Herr Grüber tried to pretend her aspect like that. Although she knew she was unusual, she felt she was basically a normal female child, not a boy. She had long blond haircloth, and she cried bitterly when he cut it off on one side and made her break it shortsighted like a boy. He had a peculiar outfit made up for her for the shows, and started teaching her what she would be expected to do when the next season began. We held a few dry run with the dancing lady friend towards the end of the winter, and I showed her my mundane and how she could do much the same thing and charm the consultation. Her costume had a pink halter top and a girl's frilly shorts on one side of meat and just plain aristocratical boxershorts on the other incline. At the end of the display, she was to abuse out of her habiliment and stand naked facing the crowd so they could see she had a penis. Then she would turn around and bend over, so they could also see that the ease of her genitals were female. Herr Grüber made her drill that part of the show also, but she seemed mortified to be naked, and did not plow it with the natural thanksgiving and shamelessness that I did. However, I hoped she would loose up once she got used to doing it. I thought up ways of including her in my antics during our functioning, in decree to ease her into it.

She was too youthful to have breast, but towards the end of that winter, Herr Grüber paid a disreputable doctor to inject saline into the titty on her distaff slope, so that it looked as if it had begun to develop slightly. After that, she seemed even more ashamed, if that were possible.

poor Anna did not hold naturally to her training in sexual affair, as I had. I tried to further her and persuade her to be co-op, if only because I knew things would be well-to-do for her that way. But she could not do it. I suppose I was too young to understand why she was ineffectual to keep up my instance.

I became her friend and her defender, to the extent that I could, trying to carry Herr Grüber to be well-situated on her, making excuse for her whenever possible, but the poor fry was wretched, even when all she was being expected to learn was how to pleasure an grownup with her hands, or to simply lie there as a client examined her and fondled her, pretending delectation even if she did not feel it.

Although we each had our own diminished bedrooms in the house, she would often sneak into my room at Night, if she was unhappy about something. Many a time she fell asleep in my arms, crying softly and almost silently, so Herr Grüber would not hear. During the carnival season, when we all lived in a trailer, Anna and I slept in the living/dining elbow room, on the aggrandize bottom on either side of the table where we would all eat our meal. Herr Grüber, of trend, used the sleeping room, which was also where our private customers were entertained. In our winter dwelling house, there was a much with child and better furnished room where both our training session and our engagement with our customers took place.

Meanwhile I was still finding it relatively easy to take my new lessons, even if sometimes things hurt. Herr Grüber went slowly, and the basement of my lilliputian house was easily able to contain my painfulness for most of that first of all year and a one-half. Since Anna seemed so much more miserable than I was, I had very little shame left over for myself.

I showed her my little house and tried to teach her how to do what I did with it, but she never quite got the mind of how that was supposed to work. Maybe she would have done better if she had a short house of her own, but by then I could not bear to part with mine. I needed it too much.

That spring, just before the circus was to set off out on its annual circuit, Herr Grüber decided it was fourth dimension for Anna to move on to actually having her vagina penetrated. Her hymen was unusually heavyset, so he finally had to repair to slicing it open with a razor.

I had a very difficult meter calming her down that night. She was almost hysterical, although the pain could not have been all that hideous.

The adjacent day during my own training session, I persuaded Herr Grüber to let me work with Anna for a month before he did anything else to her, promising she would make pregnant advance if I were allowed to do this. He must cause been getting very frustrated with her, as he finally agreed to my proposal.

I tried even harder to show her how gratifying sex could be. My fingers caressed her gently, my backtalk covered her with delicate osculation, I let her touch me and explore me, teaching her all I knew about what a Male body could enjoy. I made sure as shooting her vagina was healed before I even began to refer her there. I stroked her overdeveloped clitoris, sucked it gently, touched her tit carefully, especially the saline-injected one, licking her teat with feather-light hint of my tongue. In short, I did everything I could retrieve of to put forward her without pain or frightening her. Sometimes she even seemed to love it, but not with anything like the desire it brought Forth in me.

When I thought she was ready, I caressed her vagina with my mouth, licking and sucking and finally inserting the tip of my tongue between her labia. She reacted well to that, but when I tried to open her farther with a finger, she begged me to stop.

The month was almost over by then and I knew full well that Herr Grüber would be neither overly gentle nor very patient role when he resumed her lesson himself. I coaxed, I spoke to her, I tried to tell her what she would induce to pick up. But it was all to no avail. She hated every instant of it.

I decided that this summer time of year was not something I could look forward to with any expectant amount of anticipation.




"Darlin ’, could we stop for a minute ? This doesn't sound as if it's going to end soon and I need to take a piss."

"Vhat ? Oh - uh - sure. As a issue of fact, so do I."

He unwraps his implements of war from around me and gets up to go to the bathroom. He is still peeing when I come in also, walking with my rump clenched together to avoid allowing the chaw inside me to come loose. That can be quite a antic at times. I stand beside him, waiting my crook at the privy. For the kickoff sentence since we have been lovers, I feel vaguely self-conscious about being naked in social movement of Logan. Or maybe I am simply embarrassed over the things I have just told him.

"So I suppose while all that breeding was going on,"he asks, shaking off the lowest few drops and stepping over to the washbowl to wash his hands and get a drink of water,"no one else in the genus Circus noticed what was happening to you two kids ?"

I shrug, then start to pee, holding the posterior plug in place with my free people hand as I do so.

"Some people may have got suspected, but they did not know for sure vhat vent on after the main show vas over for the night. Many of the performing artist packed up and left as early as they could for the next stop on our path, so they vere often not around by the time my peculiar customers arrived."

"Even so."

"If anyone had suspected, they vould not induce dared to take exception Herr Grüber directly. Anna and I were his addict, and he had a lot influence vith the owner of the Circus, Mr. Sonnig. Rumor had it that the owner, whom ve seldom saw, had borrowed a material sum of money from him to pay off a gambling debt. This may be true, or it may not. All I know for certainly is that no one crossed Herr Grüber."

Logan nodded."Yeah, I can believe that. By the way, did the man have a first base figure ?"

"Oh ja. Ernst Rudolph Grüber vas his full name. But ve all had
to shout him Herr Grüber or face his anger."

"I see."

Now it is my act to wash my script, as Logan stands there watching. I clear my dry throat and aim a few swallows of water from the cup, then we return to our bed.

With his arms once more securely around me, I no longer have that sick-to-my-stomach feeling that is dishonor. My lover is not disgusted with me, as I had feared he would be. Ah, but he does not yet know the whole story. Perhaps when he does, he will not still jazz me so much.


"Some of my fear for the summer came true. Although Anna eventually learned to deal the sideshow execution by feigning a reasonable measure of enthusiasm, she vas not at all ready to entertain her own client using anything beyond the basic script proficiency and simply being displayed and fondled. There vere alvays a few client who enjoyed doing such things to a trivial girl who vas clearly unvilling and afraid, so she vas not entirely vithout monetary value.

"I, of course, had been able to interest that sort of customer by simply pretending to be terrified, and even pretending to fend if that vas vhat vas vanted. Herr Grüber vould assure me ahead of time vhat he had discovered the customer vould prefer and so pay extra to see. I could even pretend to bask myself and beg for more, vhen in truth the only thing I vanted sometimes vas for it to be over and done vith. It all depended on how practically it hurt. I could talk through one's hat orgasm very convincingly vhen I thought that vould end the session. Since I vas only eleven years old and still too young to blurt, my body vould not betray the the true. I vas vell avare that vould alteration sometime in the side by side few years, but it vas too soon to vorry about it."

As affair turned out, Herr Grüber had no more luck coaxing Anna to let him spread her vagina than I did. sooner than upsetting her during the summer season, he decided early on to make off until she was a trivial older, to the relief of us all. I could tell he was not well-chosen about having to do this though.

There were many joyful instant for me during that summertime, but on the whole, it was scurvy. On the expert position, I was capable to continue my lessons on the trapeze, even if only sporadically. During a very rainy couplet of days when the entire circus was closed down, M'sieur Villaume even gave me a luck to see what I could do on the in high spirits wire, arranging a trial lesson with one of our tightrope walkers. I did not have a care of heights, as many multitude do, and I have a good sense of balance. I already knew how to take a drop into the safety net, so I was somewhat ahead of the game before I even started. Just as I did with the trapeze, I loved being up there. In fact, I hated to descend down and face the rest of my life.

Meanwhile, back in our trailer, my lessons in accepting painful sensation took a play for the worse, when Herr Grüber decided it was time he should begin showing me how to see pleasure, and also earn more than money for him, by inflicting pain on others. I denied that such a affair could be true, of course of action, but he only said I was foolish and naif, and he would make sure that I learned otherwise. In accession to the occasional customer who enjoyed such things, I had also to practice my lessons on Anna.

At kickoff, I did what Herr Grüber instructed me to, although only to avoid his ira if I did not. He had me do lowly things to Anna, sometimes to bring home the bacon a appearance for the private customer, sometimes during her own training sessions. Much to my shame, I found that I could often encounter pleasure in obeying him. But it was zero so amazing. Perhaps just spanking her lightly, or holding her still while the customer fondled her, or saying nasty thing to her while Herr Grüber tried in vain to arouse her in respective ways. But as the things he ordered me to do became more vicious, I was still afraid to resist, and my own arousal became shamefully obvious at fourth dimension, proving to me that he had been right : one could indeed find joy in causing pain to mortal else.

Now, of course, I know a lot more about this form of thing. I know there are those who do it because they enjoy it. I find nothing wrong with that, so long as it is truly the will of both political party, and they are old enough and competent enough to give informed consent. But this was not our post. I perhaps might have consented to much that was done to me, but it would have been in view of the fact that I knew I would then be rewarded with more trapeze object lesson. In fact, at one point, I told Herr Grüber that I did not beware so a lot for myself, but I could not brook to hurt Anna any more.

To my surprise, he did not go angry, but rather offered to arrange lessons for me on the high wire that coming wintertime, if I would be a good obedient boy and pleased him with my performance for the remainder of the season. I am ashamed to say I agreed. I have since learned that I am not the first person to take sold his soul for something he greatly desired.

The things he asked of me over the next couple of months became more cruel, but it happened slowly and insidiously, so that it was hard to draw a agate line between not so bad and worse.

Anna withdrew more and more into herself, no longer able to trust me entirely, even though she knew I was as much at Herr Grüber's mercifulness as she was herself.

When I was instructed to pee on her at the request of a client, I felt very uncomfortable with it, but I consoled myself with the idea that at to the lowest degree I was not hurting her. Besides, that had been done to me now and then, without bothering me unduly. In fact, men had peed into me, which was much worse.

My desire to delight Herr Grüber diminished during that prison term, even though I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to suit a trapeze artist, much less perform on the high telegram. I started to resent his demands, more than for Anna's saki than my own. But then I would remember of how he had told me that he had been through all this training himself at the hands of his own forefather, so he was doing no forged to us than what had been done to him. And he had not had the offer of his heart's fondest desire waiting for him when it was all over. Sometimes I pitied him for that, and for the fact that he was as much of a victim as I was. I think now that I would bear been better off just hating him. It would have been much less confusing to my baby's mind.

Most of my fixture customers were reasonably form to me, and I had more chances to go with them to their homes for the night when the circus was in the vicinity of where they lived. I started to see what other multitude's lives were like, and it was a revealing to me. However, there were men among my client who were truly brutal and hateful. I dreaded seeing them get in, especially if I knew Anna was to be involved in the proceedings.

I got through the rest of the season by concentrating on the advantage that would be mine during the winter, when I could expend much of my time high above the rest of the world, doing what I knew I had been born to do.

So it was that my expectant joy was inexorably linked to my outstanding
horror --

-- until at last the sentence came when I reached my limit.

It was after the end of that summer season, and once again we had moved back into our wintertime dwelling house. I was looking forward to resuming unconstipated trapeze lessons and maybe even starting to hear the tightrope, once everything had settled down. That was when Herr Grüber decided it was time to stop going light on Anna. Like it or not, she would finally have to grant her vagina to be used.

He summoned us both into the training elbow room that day. I knew what was going to happen the instant I walked in. The window shutters were tightly closed, and the paries were hung with noise-dampening padded fabric. I had only ever seen this done before when he expected to be doing something that might result in person, most often me, screaming. It would not do for our neighbors to suspect what was going on. Of course, I tried very hard never to scream because I knew it only made things worse, but Anna had not yet reached that layer of self-discipline.

"No ! Herr Grüber, delight do not do this,"I started to protest.

"quiet, Kurt. You are here to observe and aid out, that's all."

Anna had already begun whimpering. She ran to me, throwing her sleeve around me and clutching desperately at my shank. I could feel her trembling.

His middle flared with anger. He went over to the shelf where all of our equipment was kept, and came back carrying the riding craw with the red strand braided into it. Setting it conspicuously down on the table next to the bed, he turned to us and ordered me to take Anna over to him.

I had little choice. Besides, even if I had refused, he would only consume walked over to us and taken her from me.

"goodness boy. Now lift her up onto the bed."

I did that too, although her anguish pleas tore at my marrow. He began fitting her flyspeck wrists and ankles into leather simplicity, leaving her spread-eagle and defenseless. ( We knew better than to wear any clothes when we were told to appear in this room. )

"Kurt, do anything and everything you can cerebrate of that might get her aroused. The respectable you do, the less this is going to hurt her."

I did not demand to be told that, as I knew all too well that it was true. As I had done during that month when I had tried to train her, I did everything in my superpower to stimulate her body to want this. She was so frighten off that it was not of much use, but it was not for lack of my trying. The whole time, I had to listen to her groan and beg Herr Grüber to let her go.

"All right, boy. That's enough. Any one of your female customers would get been ready and will long ago, if you performed as well on them as you just did on her."

"My regular client are acquire vimmen, not little young lady,"I said without thinking as I slid off the bed.

He glared at me. I went down on my knees and bowed my psyche."Bitte, entschuldigen Sie, mein Herr,"I apologized formally, as we were expected to do in a post such as this."It is not my place to say such things to you."

"Accepted. Do not let it go on again."

I rose to my foot and stood there, waiting for whatever would come next, reminding myself that I had to manage to keep my oral cavity shut no issue what happened.

From the table beside the bed, he picked up a little square credit card dildo, obviously meant for use by person attempting anal penetration for the first time, barely the width of a woman's pinky finger. He lubricated it generously as Anna stared at him in sudden inclusion of what was coming. When he rubbed some of the Lapplander fluid between her wide-spread legs, she began screaming.

He tried to carry her down with one hand on her hips, but she squirmed too much."Kurt, hold her still !"

Unwillingly, I climbed onto the bed beside her and tried to pin her rosehip, but my slight weight was not sufficient to master her hysteric struggling.

"Here, boy. You take the dildo. I'll hold her."

Horrified, I pulled back."Nein !"

"Do what I tell you. Or block about any Sir Thomas More example on the trapeze or high school wire this winter."Seeing the revulsion in my eyes, he added,"Or ever again."

I would like to be able to say that I only obeyed him because I thought I could at least be gentler with her than he would be, but that would not be the entire truth.

I took the dildo, waited for Herr Grüber to get a solid state hold on the struggling girl, then carefully opened her labia with my former hand and started working it slowly into her piffling vagina. Her howler deepen as I pushed it deeper inside her, even though I was massaging her button with the start finger of the hand that held her afford, still hoping to make this easier on her by arousing her. I did not get the dildo in very far before I could finger firm resistance.

Herr Grüber was smiling at me."Good boy. Go deeper."

"I can not. I have hit the end."

"That's impossible."

I shrugged helplessly, pushing the bottom of the barb a diminutive bit harder and letting him see that it would not go.

Anna's shriek had died out by now, subsiding into despairing whoreson. She lay still.

keeping her with one hand, he motioned my hands out of the way and took hold of the dildo himself, pushing slightly. She gave a sharp shriek at that.

"This can't be,"he said.

I shrugged again and kept dumb. Best not to point out that I had told him so.

He grabbed her once again with both work force."movement it around from side to side. See if you can stretch out her a trivial, now that we've at to the lowest degree fix it in."

"Herr Grüber -"

"Don't even say it, child."

I did as he said, eliciting a few more screams from Anna despite trying to be gentle.

"All right, contract it out. That's enough for today."

By now, there were tears running down my face. I tried to wipe them away without letting him see, as I removed the dildo and turned away to set it back on the mesa. My eye caught on the riding craw. There would be punishment to descend, that was sure. I could tell by the tone of his voice when he told me to free Anna from the restraints.

That done, he set her on her feet next to the bed and ordered brusquely,"Bend over the side of the bed, girl."

She complied automatically, as if she could not comprehend what was going to be done.

"You know broad well that you have broken Rule Number Two, Anna, by not only refusing to do as you were told but also carrying on in such a disgraceful fashion. For this, you have earned a punishment of five strokes."

He picked up the riding crop and swing out his arm back for the first stroke.

I could not stand up it anymore."Nein ! !"I said, and this time it was a command, not a plea. I jumped in presence of him and grabbed his arm as it came forward, forcing him to stumble sideways and tumble to the floor, taking me with him. The grammatical construction on his face was no more astonished than the one I expect was on mine as we stared at each other.

He recovered first, shaking me off and getting to his groundwork."Kurt,"he said with delusory mildness,"am I to understand that you don't wish well me to punish Anna ?"

I nodded as I also stood up, knowing I was in rattling abstruse shit now.

"Very well."

No, he was not giving in. Something worse was going to bechance, I knew it.

"In that type, you shall shell out her punishment instead of me."He held out the riding crop.

I shook my head, keeping my hands resolutely down by my sides.

"You are refusing to do what I tell you ?"

I knew what was coming when he phrased it that way : either I obeyed, or I was hangdog of the same infringement that Anna had been.

"I vill not do it."Without waiting for his response, I went to the slope of the bed and leaned forward over it, while arching my posterior up toward my straits as far as I possibly could, leaving my bare ass and the backs of my thighs as his target.

Anna whimpered.

"young lady, stand up over here and see. I want you to see what happens to him as a result of your failure to behave properly."

The leather slashed down across my arse. I clenched my teeth firmly on the scream that rose to my rim, knowing it would only result in more accident being added to my punishment if I did not keep serenity.

"For your insolence -"

The side by side cerebrovascular accident hit my thighs. Again, I stifled a cry of botheration, trying to rally the trope of my little house and send the annoyance down to the basement. But Herr Grüber did not dedicate me a hazard to shift my frame of mind.

"You will not be permitted trapeze or high telegram lesson -"

The following blow landed again on my ass, criss-crossing the beginning.

"Not this winter -"

The side by side did the same across my thighs. I must not move. I must be quiet. I must. I must.

"Or ever again."

It sank slowly into my pain-fogged psyche what he had just said, but I had no clock time to respond before I heard his next command.

"point of view up straight and turn around. center closed."

I obeyed quickly, knowing there was one more stroke to come but not knowing where it would put down. He had never done this before.

He let me digest like that for what seemed an eternity, but was probably only about half a mo. When the black eye finally came, it was across my glower abdominal cavity. The pain pellet through me like a hot iron. I fell to the level, clutching my gut and moaning as softly as I could.

"Get up, boy. Anna, lean over the bed. Don't make me have to tell you twice."

I struggled to my feet, bent stunt man and still holding my belly. Hot tears leaked from my middle.

This time he forced the riding crop into my handwriting, curling my fingerbreadth around it."Nein,"I whispered."Bitte, Herr Grüber. delight !"

"Do as I say. If you perform well, I may countenance your moral after all. You'd like that, wouldn't you ?"His articulation was smooth, convinced, surely that I wouldn't refuse this time."If you don't obey, you'll get another penalisation just like the death, but adjacent sentence there will be no offer of rescinding your extra penalty, and we'll play this game once again. Eventually, you will give in. Either way, Anna will invite her penalty also, so you gain null by prolonging it."

I knew he was right. Silently, I nodded my brain. I could not even hope to lessen Anna's pain by not hitting her very hard, since he would be able to tell if I tried that. I might as well deliver now and at least be allowed my lessons again, I told myself firmly.

I glanced at Anna, where she stood bending forward over the boundary of the bed with her tender backside exposed, silent now, as she finally seemed to understand that words and screams would only stimulate things worse for her by gaining her extra strokes.

For just a second, I truly felt the desire to hurt her, and not only because of the lessons I so wanted, but just so that I could finger the pleasure that others had found in hurting me. Besides, had it not been her fault for disobeying Herr Grüber that had gotten me into this situation in the starting time place ? She deserved what I was about to do to her.

But still I hesitated. Anna was my friend. She had trusted me, even when I would avail Herr Grüber, because she knew I had no alternative. I did not want to do this to her.

I told myself I had no choice.

I straightened up and raised my arm to strike her -- and found myself gazing down at a younger version of myself, in the same position as Anna, mutely waiting to be cruelly hurt. And in that mo, I knew I could not do this to her. I wished with all my marrow and soul that I was not here, in this place and in this berth, and that I had not sunk so low as those who had treated me in this Sami way.

The riding crop dropped from my hand and I bowed my head in the to the full prospect that it vould be picked up by Herr Grüber and used yet again on me.

I wanted only to be gone from there -- - and suddenly I was gone. Gone through a terrifying plaza of darkness, desolation, and emptiness, out of which I returned, shaking, sick, weak, still hurting, and astonished to discover I was not where I had been. I threw up, then I fainted. But when I awakened, I realized I was somewhere out in the forested hills that surrounded Schönberg. I could see the town below me.

I did not love how this had happened, but I was sure of only one affair : I would not go back, not even if it cost me my life to stick around away. I turned my backbone on the town and ran as fast and as far as I could into the forest, stopping only when I collapsed exhausted to the ground.



I pull myself up out of the quag of my memory board. I cover my expression with my hands, then lean my headland against Logan's breast while I try to compile my wits.

I become aware of his arms around me, one deal reaching up to stroke the back of my foreland. In a small while, I begin to feel more myself again. I lower my hands and allow myself to relax. There. I have told him. I can do null more now but wait for him to respond.

Then his early hired hand moves up my back, joining the one already there and tangling themselves in my tomentum as he pulls my brass up to his and into a kiss.

Very quickly, the kiss deepens, and the script that were in my tomentum go down to my backrest, clutching me up against him so hard that he almost seems to fear that I will get up and run away. Whatever happens, I begin to feel that he will at least not reject me outright, as I had feared he might. Hope begins to brighten my heart. My arms are pinned to my side of meat by his clutch on me, but I can still bend my forearms around his shank, adding my ass to the embrace also. His penis responds to the pressure of my body against his.

Then his thigh button between my peg, finally pressing against the rump stopper, which is still in place, but seems to have been forgotten until recently. My fears evaporate, wiped away by his desire, and my own. I am not rejected. I am not despised. Gott sei Dank, I am still wanted and loved !

Under average circumstances, this would conduce to the common sex. But these circumstances are not ordinary and that is not what I have in idea. I put both manus on his chest and button him away. He stares at me in observable surprise.

I smile back, with maleficence clear on my grimace and in my radiance eyes."I told you vhat you vanted to fuck about my childhood. Now you must do vhat you promised and test to me that you do not remember I am a craven covard."

"You really necessitate me to prove it ? Even though I've told you there's nothing that could possibly make me retrieve that of you ?"

"Vords, as the locution goes, are not expensive."

"I think you mean they're cheap."

"Vhatever."I wave away his correction.

"What is it you want me to do, darlin'? Just assure me and it's yours."

"I am gladiolus you feel that vay. It is very mere. Let me fuck you for a change."

"You think that would prove anything ?"But he is stalling for sentence and I know it.

"Ja. Because you vould never let someone you thought of as a veakling top you."

"OK, you're right. Do it,"he concedes gracefully."In the immortal words of someone I know very well and respect very highly, ‘ Fich mich ’."

I can not help but laugh.

While I have not had very much chance to work out the details over the last couple of time of day, I have been thinking for quite a long fourth dimension now what I would do if I were to induce this opportunity. So I do not hesitate.

"Lie facedown with your ass in the air."

He complies without protestation, while I take a few sec to remove the goat plug and set it aside, since it would be close to impossible to do what I intend to do and still be able to preserve it in place.

Then I check to see that Logan has done as he was told. It is so unusual to see him in this lieu that I take a few supererogatory moments to savor the eyeshot from all direction."Be certainly to aim your tail off to one incline, so it does not get in my vay."

"Uh, Elf -"

I giggle as I interrupt him."Let me judge : you do not have a tail assembly. How sad for you."

"Very funny. Let's get down to business, huh ? I feel silly in this position."

"You do not look silly, mein Schatz."I open the fathom drawer of my nightstand and rent out something I've been saving for a long time : an additional magnanimous cyanide glove. Of row, I can not put it onto my deal properly, but I know I can get my fingers into the holes with a bit of wiggling. Next I pick up the can of Crisco from its box on my nightstand."bedcover your legs a little vider, so I can fit betveen them."

He does so."Hmph !"I reply scornfully."Not very vide, if you ask me."I settle down into a well-fixed crouch between his feet.

"Can we dispense with the wisecracks, darlin'?"

"I did not ask for your trace, did I now ?"I purr softly, giving him a rather solid smooch across the buttocks.

"Ow ! Hey !"he protests, twisting his head around to attend at me. Surprise registry on his face as he sees me still struggling to put on my glove."Uh, Elf, what do you plan to do with that ?"

"Do not be concerned. I vill not be fist-fucking you. This is not the time for that and I know it."I lean forward a bit, reaching around him with my ungloved hired hand and taking hold of his half-hard penis, circling it with my fingers and quarter round and moving up and down in a maddeningly slow rhythm. By now, he knows better than to complain. He begins to move his hips, trying to take a shit me speed up, but I do not.

Instead, I put my other mitt between his second joint and grip his scrotum, squeezing gently in that Saami sensual but too slow rhythm. I know to the full wellspring that I am both arousing him and frustrating him at the same time, since I am not moving as quickly as he likes. Nevertheless, he bears his suffering in manful silence, with naught but a grunt or a groan now and then.

When I feel his penis growing severely and his sac tightening, I flip my tail up over my shoulder and bring it down to lightly touch his tuck anus with the tip, stroking in fine argument outwards from the opening in the sum. It does not take him long to clear that he is being touched in too many lieu at once. He draws the obvious conclusion.

"Uh - Kurt - you're not plannin'to use the end of your tail assembly to -- ?"

"And if I vere ? I can wave the sides inwards a minuscule, but it is still not very flexible and the border are rather sharp. But after all, you vill heal quickly, von't you ?"

He takes a bass, startle breath, then is silent for a count of six, as I continue calmly with what I am doing.

"wellspring, OK. If that's what it takes to convince you."

I can see him blade himself against anticipated unpleasantness.

"Relax, darlin ’,"I say in a rough approximation of his vocalisation."I'm just teasin'ya."

"Why you petty - !"

"Now, now. Not a practiced idea to call off the one in charge nasty names,"I remind him, before getting back to the business sector at hand.

After giving his now-tight scrotum a terminal wring, I scoop up a Nice glob of the solidness white fat with my gloved middle finger, then rub it against his opening as my keister beats a hasty retreat back to its usual resting property behind me. I take my time pushing my finger into him, but I really do not need to, since he is already opening to accept it in. I need the gloves to protect the inside of his rectum from my fingernails. Although not particularly sharp, they are heavy and rather long, so they are easily capable of tearing the lining.

He is pushing back against me now, wanting more."Omigod darlin ’, that's so serious ! Oh, yeah !"

I insert my second finger and he growls mystifying in his throat, the sound that I know means he is getting closer to climax.

beholding him like this, feeling his cock in my early mitt, hard and torture, knowing this is how he usually sees me during sex, the sound of his spokesperson, the smell of our physical structure mingled together, adds up to a right experience that I have not had very often. I feel the muscle spasm of increasing desire build inside me, pulling my body tight as each one runs its course. I am breathing hard now, my mouth open to get Thomas More air, my intimation shaky with longing.

And I am prepare to take away him. Still stroking his cock with one hand, I remove my fingerbreadth from his ass and replace them with my own backbreaking organ.

Ah Gott ! He is rigorous around me, even after having just had two of my oversized fingers inside him. He pushes back against me, driving my cock deep into his consistency. I am surrounded with a burning warmth, clutching me, pulling me in, although I am already buried to the hilt. We move together now, him meeting my every poking.

I come up a petty mellow in my crouch, drawing on the muscles of my legs to add effectiveness to my thrusts, but he does not complain, only braces himself more sturdily. I am leaning forward over his back, one bridge player holding his hips, the other still working his member. There is no holding back now, no dumb and sensuous tease. We are like two animal, lost to thought, only sensory faculty existing in our entire macrocosm. He encloses me and does not shrink from what I am. He accepts me joyously, demanding more, more. And I meet his need.

I am close now, but he still needs more. I can not halt out much prospicient. Desperate, my manus on his cock move forward, until my thumb can reach for his exposed and dripping glans. I rub my ovolo roughly over his slit, letting my fingernail press briefly against it. He jerks and screams harshly, as I feel his ass clamp down on me concentrated with the maiden spasm of his climax. I let go and discover my own climax starting. My breath stops. I exhale with a longsighted vacillation moan as I fall over the sharpness of ecstasy. For too abbreviated a moment, there is naught but jarring spurt of pleasure running through my total physical structure but focused in my groin.

When it is over, I collapse on top of his back, gasping. My blazonry wrap around his waist as he supports my weight easily on his mitt and knees. As my phallus relaxes and slips out of him, I say softly,"Whew ! I could get to like this, mein Schatz."

He rolls over sideways, loosening my grip enough so that he can turn over in my arms. The next thing I know, I am flat on my back, my body pinned beneath him with both of my hired man held above my head by one of his, while he glares down at me with a triumphant smile and growls,"Better not get too used to it, bub. It's not like it's gon na happen all the time."

"I know. But it happened now."

"Yeah, sure did. You're not half bad at bein'on top, Elf."

"I vill involve that as a compliment on my performance."

"Ya better, ‘ suit that's what it is."He rolls off of me, running his helping hand through his unwarranted pilus."I could sure use a salutary cigar just now."

"Mount Logan,"I begin to dissent, but he waves it away.

"I know, I know. Not inside our room. I was just sayin ’."He grins at me."Well, now do you believe I haven't changed my position toward you, no matter what you may have done as a kid ?"

"Ja. I guess I have to, after being presented with such an enthusiastic demonstration."

"trade good,"he declares, as if that solves everything. I suppose in many ways it does."I'll lay odds you never got this a great deal delight from confession before, did ya, Elf ?"

I laugh, but he is right : it was a form of confession."No, I did not. Or at least not this kind of pleasance. Forgiveness of one's sins is a very pleasant feeling, you know."

"I wouldn't know,"he replies, suddenly serious."Sometimes I wish I did. I'd be sword lily if I could even think all my hell, much to a lesser extent have them forgiven."

There is nothing I can say to that, so I say nothing. For a trivial while, we both lie there in silence, thinking our own thought process. As I sort out what has gone on between us over the last couple of days, a disquieting idea occurs to me.

"What's the matter, darlin'? Your verbal expression just got Wyrd and your scent changed."

"Logan, I just realized that some of vhat I feel for you is a reflection of vhat I felt towards Herr Grüber !"

"Yeah. I get that. But it's not all bad. It got you here beside me, didn't it ?"

"I do not vant to be here, if it is only because of vhat that man did to me !"

"Sure ya do. Whatever happened to make you what you are, it's part of you now. Is it so amiss to desire honey and adoption, reassurance and puff, the pleasance of sex ? Is it so wrong to want to apply yourself to someone else, and to be loved for that ?"

"Vell, no -"

He took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him squarely."Listen to me now, Kurt, and pay attending. What happened back then is over. What you do with it now is up to you. call back that saying about the twig and the tree diagram ?"

I nod."Ja. The one that vas confused as to vhether it have in mind a seedling or a tvig."

"Uh - yeah. The twig, or the seedling if you prefer, doesn't have to continue to grow the same way it was bent on, you know, once the pressure has been released."

"But I feel broken, damaged, used. I can not undo that."I close my heart and humiliated my head.

He shook me just slightly."surface your eye and expression at me. Do it."I obey."Do you seriously think I'm not every bit as damaged as you are, if not more ? Do you think I haven't been used ? That I'm not broken ? At least you can call up what happened, so you can commence to sympathize why you're like you are. I can only remember parts of my past tense, and those function are bad enough. The truth can hurt, but not knowing can hurt even more."

"But I do not vant this to be part of our relationship !"

"Too late for that, darlin ’. It already is. I want you as you are. Aw Hell, I desire you partly because you're what you are. I can't avail that. I don't want you to change, just because some of that came from what was done to you in the past. You got that ?"

"Ja. I do."I smile as some of the weight slides off my berm. Not all of it, but some."I hear you garish and transparently."

He just shake his head in exasperation."That's unmortgaged, Kurt, not transparently."

I twine my subdivision and my derriere around him and pull him closer."Das weiss ich, mein Schatz. I know."



German TRANSLATION character 1

Mein Gott ! My God !

Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein ! No, Mr. Grüber. Please, no !

nicht wahr ? Isn't that right/true ? ( Old-fashioned usage, but Kurt likes it. )

Scheisse ! asshole !

Wunderbar ! Wonderful !

Fick mich. Fuck me.

mein Schatz my dear/darling/sweetheart ( literally, my hoarded wealth )

Jetzt ! Now !

natürlich naturally

mein Freund my booster

besonderes Dämon-Kind special demon-child

kluger kleiner Teufel clever little monster

Gott hilf mir God help me


German TRANSLATION intermezzo

mein kleines Dämon-Kind my little demon-child

mein kleiner Teufel my lilliputian devil

Verstehst du ? Do you understand ?

nicht wahr ? Isn't it avowedly ? ( Old usage, but Kurt likes it. )

mein Freund my ally

lass uns gehen. Let's go.



German rendering Part 2

Macht's nichts. It doesn't matter.

Bitte, entschuldigen Sie. Please, pardon me.

Gott sei Dank ! Thank God !

Fich mich screw me

Das weiss ich, mein Schatz. I know that, my darling/sweetheart/dear
( Literally, my treasure. )




STORY ARC - In social club


Something a Little Different
As the branchlet is Bent
Pray for Us sinner
With Nothing on My Tongue
You Win, Elf
netherworld Hath No fury