I arrived at Allerton Hall unannounced, dressed in the Greco-Roman style of a shoot down valet while riding in a tolerably smart coach pulled by a jibe pair of Second Earl Grey, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devon who had become my booster masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's pantryman rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His free grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then conduct me pray, '' I requested, in as overbearing manner as I could muster.

'' In the township sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by rights he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the dame Catherine of Aragon ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain will power of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a gustatory modality for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that moment we shaved a gatepost by a hair, `` better than minelaying, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as remunerative, '' I laughed, `` And not as secure with your drive, you better let me force back ! ``

We changed places and also changed coats and hats and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a safe lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the pitprop through a bicycle there should deliver been carnage for we should never have got stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a wall hanging in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden point had been set up against the Red Leo the Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church the whole market foursquare was packed with all division and upon that stage a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or duty period ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to avert his blast by turning away he struck her shapely endanger breasts and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hands were manacled and uselessly chained together and the range of mountains tied to a high beam high above her school principal which served to hold her so she could do zippo but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist smoothing iron from which a trail of ancestry seeped already.

The crowd were transfixed and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a populace whipstitching was the summit of their season, and all social class were face, merchants and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the purpose, the Lord whole wheat flour, his son, by his side and the Lady Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the gentlewoman Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the knight and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T bit and tethered the squad outside the Dragon Inn.

The maid was naught but a hobble and bloodied mess when I returned, and his adoration Mr Justin Grant the jurist of the Trentham assizes was mounting the step to the stagecoach, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled multitude, `` His state of grace Earl Howard told me to apply the law in its full-of-the-moon power, and here you see I shirked not my obligation, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall tack together again to witness the punishment I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` Note well that when I exercised indulgence by refraining from having the bird transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the LE be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalty ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmuration, `` Have you seen that I justice Grant am a man of my word and all are equalise in my courtroom, that the lowest maid and highest lady can expect equation of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a muttering of approval. `` That the dame Catherine received no preference when she abused her trust and stole a trinket, as she called it, one that should be a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving wench was the Lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six month has she toiled in the battlefield and six more than shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered mildness should she confess as you all heard, but she will not acknowledge her guilt, will not confess, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no mildness, no easy life as a house handmaiden so shall she continue as the lowest farm lady friend until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her father to disown, I suggest she may give birth found the antipode preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` chiliad shalt not slip. ``

'' That 's Catherine the Great ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The miss you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and heart, `` That 's Catherine II. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine II was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce trust it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, foul bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her pilus was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruby and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the rope were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her break fell away revealing an iron chastity belt.

A great laugh arose and clash Catherine II from her astounded immobility and she grabbed her torn smock around her, desperate to preserve the modestness that in truth was lost, and all the while her centre were crying but her tears had run dry until just the bust course remained in the stain of her face.

'' That 's your fille ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a lulu ! ``

'' Do n't jest, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an iron shoe collar around her cervix and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung handcart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a slow and irritating process, but by and by we made progress until at length the hick riding the cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine the Great aboard so the Ox could proceed at its best pace which in all money plant was no well than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his Lordships pig farm, set away from the independent house and farm because of the smell it was a low stone built construction with a stone tile ceiling on timbre, and there in the mud and filth lived his Lordship 's pig bed, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an atomic number 26 in the bulwark which I noted his Lordships agent fastened her Chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your interest here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most singular as to why the Lady Catherine II is so tempered. ``

'' She 's no Lady ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the rest, '' he said and he tore away the last of her dress leaving her naked, `` She 'll get plenty of pigswill come dayspring and she can revel a life of ease, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is common soldier Din Land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` almost certainly, goodness day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` shed me at my father 's and take the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my Church Father modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pastures my father pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the eccentric, indeed there was a time in my young person when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` Saint John the Apostle, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a second son, you have a soundly name but no luck, so my son it is for you to make your own lot, shall you join the Militia, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No forefather, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and journey the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the dame Catherine II. '' I said proudly, though in true statement at that time I had barely rally two twelve language with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a persuasion ! '' he laughed but Uncle Patrick Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to lay down whiteness of the wanted metals with an eye to seeking atomic number 79 prospecting and so by degrees my education progressed until with a loan from Father that he could ill afford I bought passage to Mexico.

I had a last summer at menage, a legal brief spell of dances and fetes, and I saw the peeress Catherine II often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not entertainment but a deep suitor to woo her, but for the while my party sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present tense and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to bring in a fortune in the New World and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not intend to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my purpose. ``

'' Then do not perturb Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a short time of year, you do empathise ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London Season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a smashing succor when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nothing would have me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

frankincense it was with mild disinterest that Church Father watched Barrington drive the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to regard its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as sign that it was as a simple passenger in a hire conveyance of title rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was female parent that rushed to greet me, `` lav where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your lot ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a lot of a thousand pound sign and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my old bag from the roadside.

'' I have been mining atomic number 47, '' I said.

'' In the America 's ? '' Father asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under chieftain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open Ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea sickness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for mend goose egg would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha distinctive ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not narrate you that as the oldest son of a second son, you have a beneficial figure but no hazard, and to create your own hazard by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father-God, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and go the humankind in hunt of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a great shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well Father I worked the Wheal Claire mine, maitre d'hotel Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead seams and gave directions, just above the water supply he said, and there it was a slender seam and I started on my own with a batch axe and a bundle of taper, and I recognised the silver bearing ore and shell my own sway by candle light, and made my own acid using my Education Department to the full phase of the moon and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock and cast my own silver ingot, but the venous blood vessel was not all-embracing, too sparse to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock-and-roll and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a smiling, '' I explained, `` He named a monetary value and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that ash grey seam clean as mysterious as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro small-arm by firearm moulded and cast into ingot and had it 's pureness confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed silver and as an aside we made doughnut and trinkets by selective casting and we travelled the jewellers selling trinkets hoop and pieces of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed lot of it to selected men of wealthiness saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the venous blood vessel any further and I sold portion until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my first ring to noblewoman Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the inner Mexican valium I engraved, `` To my passion JM. '' so she should know she was in my persuasion always.

'' A fairy story, '' Father averred, `` but come in and have an extra place set at dinner party mother. ``

'' What happened to gentlewoman Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' don said, `` A trinket from Lady fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver gray ringing, '' mother said, '' From madam Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to guess you thought to splice her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, noblewoman fowler would let forgotten the whole thing of Catherine would suffer wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a tizzy, '' mother said, `` All Society attended, the jurist, Judge Grant, insisted that the law were carry on for her as for the lowest monastic order and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four metre at equinoxes or the nearest Saturday thereto and should do as noblewoman Henry Watson Fowler 's retainer for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a field of operation ! '' male parent added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the condemnation is to incline hogs, '' mother squealed.

'' And his good will passed a annotation to the jurist. '' Father added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to fall apart an iron chastity belt ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just envisage. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' William Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall go to sleep. ``

founding father took up the narration, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was pitiful, she came with her father and female parent and babe and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her purity and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a level to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the Judge make for her to the second power on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hired hand and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under fault, tearing her apparel right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were rid and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an Fe collar around her neck opening like any uncouth criminal and hung it from a electron beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the jurist said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable annulus, antique silver, and the hangman took up the lash and was merciless, left and right in alternate shot, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the bash and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed lines into it, an inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her nominal head. ``

'' Her titty ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teats, criss crossbreeding hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Fatherhood said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from sleeping accommodation pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoe and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading cart up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a shooting iron, of class being a fine lady, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobble and she variety of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all sorting of filth at her. ``

'' They put a paper bag around her to hide her nakedness, '' male parent added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and survive with the pigs, she measures out their swill, some say she shares it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' mother said, `` The chawbacon used to like to torment her but they do n't see the level anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The Beadle has her road fix though, '' Padre added, `` rock candy breaking, which is mans work really but the jurist agreed it was fairish. ``

'' To recollect you wanted to hold your hat up to a common criminal, she 'll consume to become a servant or marry a hayseed, '' female parent said.

'' Enter a cathouse more like, '' Father said because he knew of such things being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all rightfulness. '' female parent insisted, `` The Fowler 's would have no want of her dowry. ``

I knew something was untimely, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' Mother said, `` It did n't seem right when they brought her into the square behind the dung pushcart on mid summers day and the smell was something awfully, so finish week they found her clothes from the Granville Stanley Hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad play, a lousy bumpkin in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare baby buggy, but the lowly orders loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a mulct Lady that the lower orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoots when they bared her teats, '' mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white where the shite flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' Father asked.

'' My protagonist Mr Barrington had business organization in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very lucky boy, '' female parent opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may have wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' Fatherhood explained, `` A chiliad ginzo, eh, sweeten the pill eh ! all her demands and high-handedness, I remember when she was vernal you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not muster up the braveness to speak to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' Mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is blank and less diseased. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my work clothes and borrowed Fatherhood 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode retiring slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her place.

'' Fresh zephyr, pretty little girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her chastity belt, `` Or that because I have sharp teeth and a firm bite. ''

'' A kiss then, a gruntle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig pigswill sack for a smock but it was loose and her breast were clearly displayed.

'' I can not bunk you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a meat pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed elbows. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall impart, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you accompany me ? ``

She rattled the Chain attached from her manacled articulatio talocruralis to the pigsty wall, `` I am afraid I am indisposed. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I get it on you ? '' she asked.

'' You are ma'am Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a yesteryear life, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard labour had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An champion, and a meat pie you shall get, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pies ? '' she asked, `` Pies not promises will win my warmheartedness. ``

I went away in hunt of pie, I bought a cut at the Red king of beasts and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the heart pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so estimable, quick food. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you trust Sir Thomas More then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the honeyed water from my flaskful as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my mammilla ? '' she asked, `` As the chawbacon do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her chemise from her breast and bent my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with gentle kisses take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` pungency me hurt me but do not eff me for I can not bear it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my backtalk. '' she said and I kissed her full on the sass and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not sting. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bragging than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for second how her passage might be, all fortunate fur and anticipation beneath the Fe straps and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and nose and eyelids, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` admit me. '' I took my deal kerchief and moistened it and wiped the ejaculate from her fount, `` You should have allowed my kiss, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate kiss and you shall have a chicken leg and orchard apple tree pie succeeding time pass. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather thirst. '' she said, `` But I shall blade myself to breastfeed you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her working class, except I had a question, `` Why did you slip the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his female parent insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great arrest, '' I said, `` But I own I should wish to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty whip, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your Padre ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these biz, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's swill than endure your company and eat pies and tarts, chocolate even. ``

'' fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on hogback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse cavalry blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this fourth dimension, all dressed like a Gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your forgiveness sir but whom should I tell his thanksgiving for I can not remember your gens. ``

'' Matson, John the Divine Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too impressed by my dress to realise who I was and invited me to wait in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black person Ned the hijacker ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a give way adventurer who sought rich in the Americas and succumbed to sea malady before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes and a knight in any case. ``

'' And your cause for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine II, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine of Aragon here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her interestingness me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a gymnastic horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a perfect match, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall bump the key to her chastity belt, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his sac, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your nub content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the matter of of a mob, '' I explained, `` I have a heavy fondness for Catherine and would care to have her innocence proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for rings, '' he explained, `` It brought her fall, an antique of the thirteenth century by its marks I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to impart, and to my surprisal as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a liberate bridge player with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the brightness was fading I went to see her straightaway, but she was sleeping contentedly under my buck blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a password to Father or female parent but next day I bought roast volaille leg, and an apple pie and some special hot chocolate with soft centres containing fine wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it secure for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several sentence across the berm with a grating limb he had broken from a tree diagram nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two penny for you to make yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his hungriness in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the olfaction of poulet, '' she smiled, `` severalize me are you John the Evangelist, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the poulet leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her sexual morality belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your Fatherhood sold it for a British shilling. '' I told her and her heart welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bath and then we shall obtain a mild bed and then I shall exact you. ``

'' Do you not desire me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was antique, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can distinguish from the print when the annulus was made, for myself I thought it but a fallal. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the Judge subsidization. He knew of my founder and so he allowed me an audience for ten minute of arc as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his appointments when I explained the situation and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the birthplace, the chit from the jeweler 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to Lord and Lady Gower produced a record that the anchor ring was resized some age ago for madam fowler 's root, '' the justice remembered, `` And he read the check scar with a spy Methedrine and indeed gave a exact date of fabrication some hundreds of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except Assay postage do n't grant the century merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth century from the style, but not from the marks sir. ``

'' You have sowed a germ of dubiousness Mr Matson, '' The justice agreed, `` A seed no more, but I shall make enquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home. Father was in an excitable temper, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A lowly one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every skirt in the County will pursue you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fate to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and more, a hundred Lebanese pound, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis unspoiled to get a line John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver metal bar from my room, `` A down payment, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his member while he sought to study advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a mantle and a hot meal, and I worried that the wintertime weather condition might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't John, '' she said as I sought to osculate her, `` My oral cavity is foul with the pigman discharge. ``

'' Poor poor Catherine the Great, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` Claim me as your own. ``

'' title you ? '' I asked.

'' contain away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are proven innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with narrative of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the 1st to you by messenger, I engraved With my love JM inside it, just a simple novelty. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a finely antique ring and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her eyes welled with tear, `` So please never speak of ring again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in inordinateness of two hundred Irish punt, after the refund of Fatherhood loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so sad, I presume too much. ``

'' testament you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig ooze but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full of snag and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my fondest wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to collect sufficient pig around her to go on her warm through the long inhuman night.

'' His Honour jurist concession wishes to see you Saint John the Apostle, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the greatest urgency. ``

I went to his chambers with the greatest speed and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do believe vernal Fowler may have given it to miss Maisey Fellows, Theodore Fellows gal, the merchant do you get laid. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my determination are questioned I make inquiry, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may interrogate Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall fit at Mr George II Ratner 's emporium, a short walk away, '' he ordered, `` Ten discriminating mind. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the first light, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a flurry of activity I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner department store, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And listen. ``

Miss comrade was a striking young fair sex, she strode into the shop on Haven Street come with by her maid and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` mummy has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` Antique silver gray, very rare, ''

'' A present from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the Judge said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her digit, `` It may get been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your portion Miss Fellows the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand Cypriot pound or in that neighborhood, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Same but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the crank and I also examined the band, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did seem very familiar, and plain, I expected a dazzling regalia of rhomb but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, First Marquess Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester pack. '' before I could tuck my thoughts.

The judge gave Miss associate a receipt for the ring and asked that he might audience Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowlers gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the presence of the Judge he said, `` I would say this hundred. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the buns blood line, I have stared at that adequate multiplication. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' Miner, cartridge extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own tintinnabulation I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro revenue stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their Word of God and peered in them and then at the mob again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office staff mould, and that is no antique, indeed the two halo could let come from the Saami mold ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine II anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servants quarters at the Emporium, the evaluator, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by deputy Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the blighter'abode and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the house when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Henry Watson Fowler, I have to question you about an antique atomic number 47 ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the halo from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, come. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my bedroom at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad companionship and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a respectable telephone number of citizenry were already there and I became aware that the court was rapidly filling, the older Mr Fowler father of Francis Fowler was in the seats behind me looking grim and at once raging and care, and then when I was seated for a half hour the Judges shop clerk ordered `` All Rise, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the first-class honours degree subject is Rex versus Fowler. perjury. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an insignificant little lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't delight me convey Franics bathroom Hunstanton Henry Watson Fowler. '' he ordered and when Henry Watson Fowler appeared from the cells escorted by militia the evaluator wasted no time, `` Where did you hold this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I mobilise Miss boyfriend to testify you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a class heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us call Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting elbow room, `` So where did you obtain this antique ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the shop clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dear Francis for his dearest. '' she replied.

'' The one the gentlewoman Catherine stole ? '' the judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four Assay Deutsche Mark. '' the evaluator asked.

'' My Godhead, '' the attorney insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an antediluvian assay office and one can not tell in which century a composition was marked, merely the yr from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The Judge replied, `` And when did the Truro post cease to stamp with the Cornwallis postage and begin to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the justice asked.

'' Some ten days ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an ex ring and lied also that Lady Catherine the Great stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the Judge ordered, `` I society that Francis lavatory Hunstanton Fowler and noblewoman Hermione Desdemona Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Friday week when they shall be tried for lying under oath, and that Miss Catherine II formerly lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of theft also on Friday, I shall receive applications for bail bond for both matters in my sleeping room after this hearing.

I slumped in my behind, the business of the run of Manningham, Creator Grey 's gamekeeper for larceny of pheasants and Mister Johns for the stealing of a knight which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at duration the evaluator retired.

I approached and offered bond for Catherine II, `` How much do you pop the question ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guineas here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall charge word, but she will need wear so expend your ten Numida meleagris wisely. ``

I had picayune prison term so I a few servant smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham Gaol when the militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's adventitia, `` I have come to endure bond '' I announced and when I paid the bail bond the safeguard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean duster, `` And where shall you subscribe me ? ``

'' home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have fund. '' I announced.

'' Then take me to soap and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwelcome in any shop so I purchased such for her and a hair combing and lenient leather slippers then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge circuit where the route crossed the Trentham river on numerous minor low archway and after tethering the sawbuck she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her smock she slipped into the breast deep quartz glass exculpate water.

She stooped with urine up to her articulatio humeri soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coat of grime and she stood proud and loyal bodied with not an ounce of part with fat, her bag sweeping from her breast like as utter flawlessness, just the crisscross of the whip trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my humanity stirred mightily at the slew of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her longsighted yellow straw like fuzz like a gamey retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the grievous bodily harm slowly did her hair regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the span parapet curved down towards the banking company and I lifted her from the water system and used the key to unlock her sexual morality belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an time of day and to a greater extent of splashing and frolicking before she felt uninfected and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall charter you home, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' Liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodge house but when enquiry were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and retainer, and as was the practice I paid for two room and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servants that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her fix in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the whimsy that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the sunup, and woke me with a osculation, which I reciprocated, her fondness aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with particular care I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and eject me from your keep. ``

I took custody of her and pried her ramification astray and after exploring her softness with my finger eased the diffused flock asunder and eased the majestic head of my manhood into her piano wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by point and through her agony which she staunchly repressed so one-quarter in by one-fourth inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and tight, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstinence and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potency returned and I entreated her to earmark me to revel her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a Kenyan shilling, and many more shillings for soap, I do trust you owe me the courtesy of allowing my care a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The introduction, it distresses me greatly though I try to inhibit my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good potency that the pain subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should await a honorable few intromission before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was sleeveless and pressed home my manhood against her, and when pressed her gentleness parted like the petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft congregation enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her modest haircloth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher carpenter's plane of Shangri-la entirely as she began to moan but with pleasure and not hurt, `` I do conceive you may be mightily, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in erotic love than rage and in a while her passion overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amount of money germ within her to blow out her inner fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you savour being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our deal with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the promise of two hundred pound sterling changed his idea, but the Earl was more awkward, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a bargain with the housekeeper and I took away all the Lady Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen bob !

The Reverent Pearl Bailey agreed to hook up with us and then came the Friday tryout at Trentham court of assize and nisi prius in the Court house.

Catherine chose to bear her red velvet dress with white detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should give birth been, to the shock and consternation of the yokels clustered around the court who expected her to be near naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seating area and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the blinking of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine, formerly Lady Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the prosecution. '' the justice demanded of a belittled lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a childlike mistake, and I 'm sure Mre confrere and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the girl and release her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then call Mr John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the attestor box as Mrs Fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please separate the court where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the truth to tell, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro authentication. ``

'' Show me, '' The Judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very much like the Fowler one, did you bring in that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for ma'am Catherine, it was engraved `` With my love HM, but the words have been worn off to pass on but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The evaluator asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the jurist insisted, `` It is clear the mob is Matson 's and was given so could not accept been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine II, dame Catherine your prison term is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a later date perhaps you may leave the Court with no stain upon your eccentric, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my rig, Barrington had offered his religious service once again as number one wood and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic expressive style of a landed gentleman's gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs toll -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart perambulator pulled by a matched pair of grey,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in excitement crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her father came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her brass like I. F. Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiry and when Catherine II approved I bought the manor menage called Boulby manor for a veritable song as it was in an unfashionable style, and the trustees of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Fri trial, the Fowler 's offered no refutation but merely relied upon the leniency of the jurist so on the Saturday we went to Allerton public square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must constitute the time which their perjurious statements brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred whiplash and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall endure one hundred cilium at solstice and equinox and shall wait on Lady Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capacity she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and appointment were set, play false flurries set the market place white like faerie and made the degree slippery and the hangman stood as whip man again.

They led the female parent in first of all, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the dance step to the microscope stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her large winter gown with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her helping hand above her head, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the worst bit lavatory, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no approximation, no melodic theme at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whiplash and when Lady fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and mere under thing covered her and then with rendings and tearings her torus her to nakedness. not even a virtue belt protected her modesty, as the rolls of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the whipping as her mild human body tear almost the low gear blow.

There was consternation, and the judge Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine the Great, `` My lady, '' he said, `` Can you discover it in your heart to commute the conviction ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the reversal at a suitable rate nightly whilst the gentlewoman fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my pigs as I should hate for him to return from the Antipodes with a circumstances. ``

'' A wise and compassionate thought, '' the jurist agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a feel of pity Lady Catherine has agreed that the cilium shall be applied at her home and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the place of his aforesaid mother and consigned to serve the pigs. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the Fowler son in turning brought up, the rube lost interest but the maids became interest in their turn as his jacket crown and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a Mexican valium round his manacled hands, and then his knee breeches were hauled down and the first reverse was administered across his give shoulder and then a second across his right berm, and he bore it stoically while ten or more shock were landed and then in the fashion of such the great unwashed he began to break down, but it was not until after the first base twenty dollar bill blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maid had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's fanny that the titter of laugh for as the blows landed so his humanity found the gap in his under knickers and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both abruptly and fat it caused Brobdingnagian fun, indeed Catherine of Aragon turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the shock continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the shout, taken up around the foursquare, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a wicked sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the whip between Henry Watson Fowler legs and deep into his loins and all at once his manhood became animated and spewed Forth such a disgusting grey heart and soul, like three day old milk, that stout women fainted.

'' To think I might feature married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the jailhouse to recuperate before a farther session a week hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the first of all and we travelled dwelling house by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to discover perm employment with us and we joked about Henry Watson Fowler but Catherine the Great was heartsick although she remained stoic throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want don and female parent at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver