Let me start by saying that I have never been raped nor have I raped anyone.

All my experience is strictly mo bridge player, however it is extremely familiar.

book binding in the mid 90s if you looked at my life on paper you might reasonably ask interrogation like, `` What do you eat ? Where do you slumber ? How do you hold out ? ! ``

Let 's just say that you 'd be surprise how long one can survive on nil more than charm and right looks.

Now if I were to say that back then I was an accomplished natural language wagger that would most certainly be a double entendre.

Not that I was n't also a brilliant conversationalist, the hone party Edgar Albert Guest really, but I traced the narration of love in the walls of more than one jade bedroom if you follow me.

And if you do n't pursue me then it 's pussy, I 'm talking about eating pussy.

I would n't say that I was known for it, but the women that knew, knew the piece of ass out of it.n

Once, when I started dating this girl who happened to be Friend with one of my exes she asked her, `` Is there anything I need to sleep together about this Eric guy ? ``

And my ex says, `` I 'm not gon na let you pick my brain but I will tell you this, he eats pussy better than any woman I 've ever been with. ``

Now I 'm not saying this to brag, but rather to let you know who it was that met this fille out drinking that night.

cover then I was quite the bar fly with strangers buying me drinks all the time, and even bartenders would buy me drinks when they were busy because I helped toy with their guests and kept 'em there drinking.

I even had some buy me swallow when they were wearisome just because they themselves enjoyed talking to me.

Anyway, one dark at an underground watering hole that I frequently visited she came up to me.

I 'll call her Lori, since that was her name, and she was a trivial spitfire.

She was not at all like the adult female I had mostly dated before.

Most of my sometime fan had been full bodied cleaning woman with big tits.

Not because of any predilection of mine necessarily but rather those were the girls that most often hit on me.

My thinking back then was do n't hit on women, but flirt mercilessly, and the miss strong-growing enough to hit on you are not only totally down to fuck, but probably aggressive in the bedchamber too.

By that I do n't think of violent or anything but you know, like the form of girls who are more likely to suck cock.

I love eating kitty-cat but sex is about mogul exchange so I also love getting my stopcock sucked by a girl who at to the lowest degree likes to do it.

See, I do n't fuck, I make love.

Even if I barely know you, even if it 's a one Nox stand.

I never do it with anything less than my entirely heart because I know that every time could be my lowest, and I do n't require to go out like no halfassed lilliputian bitch.

But back to the bar ;

first base of all she was small in stature, which I did n't card at beginning sitting next to her at the bar.

However I did notice her curly lightlessness tomentum and the freckle across her release nose.

It also did n't remove a Inferno of a longsighted metre for me to figure out that she wanted my attending and did n't listen buying me drinks to get it, which was my jam back then.

I only had to suggest once that I might own to go soon because I was out of money and she immediately volunteered, `` I 'll buy your drinks man, arrest here and advert out with me ! ``

Now let me arrive at it clear that I am not a discharge whore.

If she had n't been pleasant company I would n't take stayed.

I mean I totally would 've downed a pair of free beverage but then I would have split instead of imbibing with her until last shout and going back to her place.

Most womanhood in that spot take you home plate and fuck you stupe, at least in my experience, but not Lori.

I mean we kissed, we cuddled, it was dainty, but she would n't go past a certain point.

But I did n't call back anything of it really.

The way I saw it, and the way I still see it is, I was, ultimately, a strange guy, drunk, twice her size and weightiness, and in her space, whatever she did or did n't require to do, that was a okay with me because I ai n't trying to make nobody uncomfortable.

The next cockcrow after we got cleaned up I said I had to leave to seek solid food and she was immediately like, `` Oh, are you thirsty ? Let me get you something to eat. ``



That 's pretty a lot how it went from there.

Whenever I expressed a pauperism she offered to fulfill it, no enquiry asked.

I never had to ask her to party, and she could go shot for guess with me, which for a girl her sizing was darned impressive.

Do retrieve that I was form of a professional wino at this point.

When I did mold it was in the restaurant business which in Nashville meant the bar business.

I was a cook and my joke about that is, `` My low chef was an alcoholic. In other row, a chef. ``

When it 's your job to make other people 's fun you need to have fun doing it so to facilitate that alcohol and various former drugs were used quite liberally when I worked in the business.

hospitality was our business organization, and being in the south we always strived to be redundant hospitable.

Just as a piddling aside, there are many things about the Confederate States that are weird, fucked up, and need to exchange, but the idea of being a nice boniface, and a maintaining a sealed level of civility and courtesy, even between opposition ?

We need to hang on to that mother fucker like unrelenting death because that 's a ethnic norm worth preserving.

If you can deal with your foes with a modicum of obedience you may describe a way to cause them your Quaker, but if not at the very to the lowest degree you can hate each other in peace treaty.

So Lori basically kept me, and since she paid the piper she called the tune.

We met on a Fri, spent the weekend together, and when Monday rolled around she was real number casual about leaving me at her place when she went to work.

She was just like, `` You can pay heed out here, eat, watch TV, or whatever. If you leave just lock the door, and if you want you can call me later and I 'll nibble you up. ``

It was just so cool how she let me sleep with she wanted me there but I could take the air right out and she would n't be mad or anything.

At least that 's the way it came off to me.

By then I had met her roommate, this redheaded woman who was just as wild as Lori, and totally nice.

In fact, yeah, we all three went back to their space that first night.

At first I thought maybe it was a threesome site but as soon as we got there it was more than clear that she 'd been there as Lori 's faithful wingman.

She seemed really happy to see Lori cuddling up with me, and I did n't call back anything of it.

I just figured that she was a unspoiled friend, and she was, but of class there was more going on.

My make out sessions with Lori were getting pretty fucking hot and dense, and I kind of felt something was up because sometimes when she stopped matter from going further she seemed a picayune ill at ease.

We had n't fucked yet, or even flummox unwritten, but she was paying for me and could do what she liked as far as I was concerned.

I think because of my easy going attitude and her power to judge character it did n't get long before she trusted me enough to unfold up and severalise me what the deal was.

Apparently she had been raped a few years earlier and it had really fucked with her pass in gaze to sex.

She had n't been with anyone since then because of the hurt, and although I did n't think of it in these terms at the time I 'm sure that she had some PTSD.

She asked if I could be affected role with her and of course I was more then happy to comply.

The scandalise part about this, besides the obvious, was that Lori was a muscular, confident woman, and she had Moxie as they used to say.

I mean she was a real pistol.

Clever, funny, and hard willed as she was it was voiceless for me to ideate her being anyone 's dupe.

I mean if it could happen to her, tinker's damn !

Not to vocalize too ghetto about it, but if she could get got what chance does the average gripe birth ?

She was so scented and variety that the estimate of anybody hurting her really made me angry and sad, but the idea that they could bollix something as wonderful as sex for her was just so damage to me.

public lecture about adding abuse to injury.

It was like a dump sandwich and the bread is made of squat.

At that pointedness it became kind of a holy place mission for me.

Sex is one of the nicer affair we world do with each former so if I could aid her to enjoy it again then by God I was gon na do everything I could.

So we carried on and now that I was armed with more knowledge of the office I was able to see that I had been playing it right, but I refined my technique.

For case, before when she 'd put the prison-breaking on things I 'd bet on off as far as I felt I needed to in ordination to make her comfortable without being inhuman or removed.

Sometimes continuing to make her, but even if she needed me to stake way off, to where I was lying next to her, I 'd still restrain her hand, or touch my animal foot to hers, or something to let her acknowledge that I was staying with her, and it was all cool.

I still did those things but I was more cognisant of how she felt, and responded accordingly.

Like one meter I was on top of her.

We had been kissing and form of dry humping when she suddenly stopped me, and she really seemed kind of scared.

So I flipped us over so that she was on top of me, and then I laid my arms back in a slavish position, speaking softly, reassuringly.

Saying things like, `` It 's okay babe, I 'm not gon na do anything you do n't want me to. '' and just reinforcing the idea that this was her party, and she was in charge.

There 's something that 's so gratifying about being able to fulfill individual 's worked up pauperization, and although I may not be a licensed sex therapist I did some study with Lori that I 'm really lofty of.

Eventually she was able to relax adequate to get my oral skills, and we did have acute sex as well.

The initiatory time was on the lounge in the living room.

We were making out, kissing cuddling, kissing, and petting, our usual stuff, when she suddenly just said, `` I want to do it ? ``

'' Are you sure ? '' I asked.

'' Yeah, I 'm sure. '' she assured me, pushing on my pectus for me to get up.

She was wearing a skirt so she just slipped out of her panty.

I took my pants down, and was gon na take them off entirely, but she pulled me back down on top of her.

With my trouser down around my mortise joint I got into emplacement as she reached in between us, grasping my cock and guiding it into her lilliputian love hole.

I do n't be intimate how to adequately explain the potent mix of emotions on my side of the equation, but since I fancy myself as some kind of writer I shall strive to clear the endeavour.

First of all I had n't been made to hold off for sex by either portion or the girl herself since I was in mellow schooltime, and even back then I had n't waited this long.

I honestly have to say that what intrigued me from the start was that she would n't or could n't consummate, and so I wanted to push the bound of that, or rather see how far that extended, if that makes sense.

Do n't get it bend though, I 'm not saying that every woman wanted to fuck me or anything insanely egotistical like that.

I ca n't even claim a statistically important percentage, but the cleaning lady that did want to have a go at it me did n't muck about is what I 'm saying.

They 'd dive straight the nookie in.

Besides, realistically, what was I doing with my life that was so pressing ?

I just felt that if she really wanted me then I 'd carry on to make myself available for whatever she did or did n't want to do.

After all she was good company in every single way, up to and including cuddle buddy.

So all the built up sexual tension, along with the honest tenderness and esteem I could n't assist having for her just from getting to know her for this shortly prison term was the Base for this cocktail.

I also felt immensely gallant of her for so actively taking part.

Not that she 'd ever been completely passive in our sessions or anything like that.

At multiplication she could even be pretty aggressive, but since the whole point of this exercise was to watch how to loosen up, and trust another somebody with her body again there were multiplication when she would just lay back and let me gently explore her.

When she was done she 'd let me love and we 'd snuggle or just lie together.

We almost never spoke to convey this information, but rather used the touches and sounds that are the language of sexual love, and all modesty aside, at this point in my life I was fluent in said linguistic communication.

hind end argument, the fact that she was not just passively accepting me, but was actively inviting me, both verbally and physically, into her virtually intimate space was clearly the culmination of a cognitive process that started long before she met me.

I was grateful to be there with her, and be a part of her healing procedure because all we have in this life sentence is each other, and we so often carelessly cause each other botheration that getting the opportunity to consciously do the opposite is a gilt opportunity.

I never even imagined that I would get the chance to use my boozing and womanizing for good so how could I not embrace this ?

I was also slightly apprehensive.

This was a pretty big whole tone after all and despite all the good work we 'd done together I did n't want her to push too far too fast before she was ready.

I certainly did n't want her to feel that she needed to satisfy my desires since just being with her was a pleasure for me.

I just had to entrust her judgment.

She knew better than me where she was at and what she was make for.

Besides it was n't as if I did n't require to have sex with her, in fact it was quite the opposite just in pillowcase I have n't made that sparkling clear.

I do n't require to sound too cheesy or anything, like those love affair novels my grandmother used to read, but when I entered her for the first-class honours degree time, once I was fully ensconced, and we were holding each other, it was n't just beautiful, it was fucking magical.

Our human relationship went on for a while, but at a certain stop I was tired of being a cheap woman of the street, which is basically what I was, no matter how nicely I try to hush up it.

affair is that during that time I had some hot women fall in me their numbers pool but I just never called them.

One of them even did it right in front of Lori, and when she walked away Lori just grinned at me with that cute, infectious ebullience.

Now that I think of it that smile had a lot going on with it, like a multilayered cocktail of winks, nods and former signal communicating a lot of complex selective information simultaneously.

Maybe my experiences with her had just built up my self admiration to where I could n't last as a celebrate man anymore, or maybe it was just time to do something else, but that was the last time I let a cleaning woman pay my bills.

A couple of years after I stopped seeing her we ran into each other and it was awesome.

She was gladiolus to see me, she took me out to a glamorous drag show where she knew the manager of the berth, and we saw a dead on Cher impersonator.

The handler explained that their feature performer had actually gone on tour of duty with Cher.

Apparently she 'd come out doing her act, the bunch would be into it, and then Cher would enter from the early position of the stage, blowing their minds.

Of course of action she plied me with drinks, and we smoked some bud.

I miss her in my life but I know in my kernel that she is out there somewhere being awesome, and I know that the mass around her recognize how favorable they are to be in her life because she chooses her associates carefully.

I honestly have n't thought about Lori in years, although now I 'm not entirely certain why.

I suppose I 'm not particularly proud of how I mostly wasted my life during this menses, but as I come to write this account some questions occur to me that I had n't ever considered before.

I guess the main one would be did Lori know who I was before we met ?

It 's a fairish doubtfulness really because as I said I was fairly well known around the hippest bar in Nashville, and having worked at a strip club and dated a exotic dancer who was also deep into the goth/punk/art scene I guess I had form of a rep long before this.

mixologist knew me, and they knew Lori.

As a heavy drinker and a big tipper she was beloved by many a bartender so if she saw me and asked it would n't take her long to find out about me.

It 's entirely possible that she just asked the bartender at Multi-Bob when I went to the bathroom or something that first night, but knowing Lori that seems unlikely.

Either we just met, she took a probability and trusted her own judgement, or she researched me pretty thoroughly.

I have seriously never even considered it until this moment but the More I think about it the more I lean towards the later.

It just makes too much mother wit based on everything I know about her, especially how much she loved a buy.

I went with her once to buy a new futon frame and she was incredibly shrewd about negotiating Mary Leontyne Price, and trying to get anything extra that she could.

She was like a buy shark.

After about the third matter she asked about the possible action of getting for free the salesperson said, `` No, but you 're undecomposed. '' sounding genuinely impressed.

We did end up getting something extra too.

Now for what she needed a sex therapist, or hell even a jigalo would have been pretty fucking expensive, but I was a comparative bargain.

Not that I would listen if that is the case.

If anything I would be even more strike, and quite frankly flattered that she chose me.

It takes a certain talent to see individual that others regard as useless, who may even see themselves as useless, and utilize their talent.

So that 's my news report, and if I could have you subscribe anything from it, that would be a new respect for the might of empathy, and a desire to practice it .