Hannah.

'' Ah master Pinkerton ? '' an emboldened mature gentlewoman around my mother 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my cronies at the Misses Fotheringay 's formal at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my daughter Molly ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of toxic condition I believed I beheld an angel, a great visual modality in gleaming pair of virginals bloodless, and at sec glance an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasance, '' I agreed uncertainly for the sweet Mull-berry wine had had its gist on me.

'' I should hope not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may have two branch, two arms, two titty and two eyes, though remarkably dis similar, but two Kuki-Chin Johnno, well you must draw a credit line somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented belching, `` Indeed. ``

poor people Molly turned and fled as fast as her considerable majority would allow.

'' You sir are an execration ! '' the mother averred.

'' Fattening her up for Christmas, '' Bobby Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump bird at Christmastime ! ``

'' I 'd like to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing French and side wines so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one chin, a thin weasel like case, a peg down waist, slender spindly legs beneath that surgical gown I 'll wager, so how did you deport a baby elephant for a girl ? '' It was said by way of an good search for the truth.

'' I shall not remain to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no affront Madam, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my husband, Almighty Garth. ``

'' That expectant oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should quiver in my boots if it were me. ``

'' Madam, '' I added, `` I have no great desire to make love to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly prefer you in my bed to that great ox of a daughter, for she would surely break the bed frame ! '' It seemed comic at the time, you understand but the adjacent matter Algy had to step forward to break off the matron striking me.

I can not come back much of the evening after that, but in the richness of time I awoke in a bed in the Red Panthera leo Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun senior high school in the noon day sky and the pipe and drum band of the Caithsby reserves playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my head, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not dead ? '' an unfriendly female voice boomed around inside my skull.

'' No lady. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the night with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please keep the noise down. '' I asked, `` My head is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my daughter Molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' noblewoman Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you intend to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely zip dame, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than mollie, on history of the lesser number of chins they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to call out, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical elan she tore at her bodice and through its o.k. quaity and exquisite goad work she dislodged but one lonesome push button where she sought to expose her bosoms to plain view.

'' God Almighty Pinkerton I am a married woman ! '' she protested and right on cue my door opened and there were Molly and the Inn keeper 's maid as attestor and Lord Garth himself, a imperfect beast of apparently octogenarian vintage though in truth he was but sixty such it was said was the voracity of Lady Garth 's night time demands that he had aged twenty years in the starting time six months of marriage.

'' grasp hard Edward Young Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No musical theme sir, '' I explained, `` Your daughter is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` noblewoman Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' Daddy Almighty Pinkerton has shown entire disrespect for myself and our menage, '' molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig dearest, '' Creator Garth admitted and nodding towards his wife he continued, `` And watch over that one for she 'll eat you active sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my honour, challenge him Oswald, '' lady Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win hands down, '' Lord Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a walk around the common, honorable day. ``

Lady Garth stared in disbelief, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very wise man, madam Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you soundly day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Not until this matter is settled. ``

I groaned, my head was far from cleared yet, `` Then allow me some concealment that I may trim, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall remain, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my night shirt clean over my head to stand naked, sadly unaware that my sidekick had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an 60 minutes, '' across my belly in lamp black in the depths of the night.

'' Oh ! '' Lady Garth cried in surprisal, `` Its huge ! ``

'' Oh, its vast ! '' cried Molly in alarm,

'' Oohh, its huge, '' the housemaid said admiringly as sensing the perfume of a woman my prong raised himself to his full eight inches and More of extension.

'' Put it away sir you will fright the horses, '' Lord Garth said as he returned to look for the cause of the commotion, `` Or else do somebody an injury. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an injury, '' the maid simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me knee pants, '' I cursed as my night shirt descended to robe itself around the root of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, occlusion staring, '' Lord Garth councelled, `` Wife come in away ! '' he repeated.

'' mamma did he do it ? '' a fresh voice asked.

I looked an another maid had appeared, dressed in a simple White person shift, her face like the female parent perhaps yet XX years her junior, gamy eyed and blond of fuzz, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the sister was piggish, funfair of face where the sister was distinctly piggish, and she regaled my prong with a steely gaze as her hair flowed untamed around her shoulders.

'' appear away female child ! '' overlord Garth cried, but to no avail and though I knew it not at once the maiden was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's huge ! '' she said, `` poor Mummy ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` bet away, convention men are not so well endowed, so reverence not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I know, probably not, '' ma'am Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's daddy, '' she continued, `` He is rich, we are not. ``

'' Your daughter is most forward sir, '' I suggested as I tried to wrap up my prong even as the multitude pushed into my room as more coupled to enquire the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only Molly would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the only prong long enough to fall into place the busty cumulus of flesh that protect Molly 's ah, honour ? ``

'' Yes in a nut shell. '' noble Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one hundred guineas of I shall report that you abused me carnally in the night ! '' ma'am Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a enquiry ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' Lord Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and More that will manifest to waking up with my lady Garth. ``

'' Silence you imbecile, '' ma'am Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a harlot ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the flyspeck elbow room, the box bed and ward robe encroached further and there was still no sign of my breeches, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you think we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the floor ? '' I spread my arms wide indicating there was an insufficiency of space, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of form ! '' the mother insisted.

'' And where should your bed cover legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' noble Garth agreed, `` The sides of the box bed would entrench most painfully. ``

'' With Mummy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the side fitted me, `` And where would her knees go. ? ``

There was a rustling of linen paper, a whiteness angel appeared and leapt upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a genu each side of my hip bones.

'' Your mother is neither lithe nor spry as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is possible, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this blink of an eye ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too late for she began to sink down, as as she did she pulled her fracture and mine so that no one saw my prong sliding board up the strawman of her abdomen and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' gentlewoman Garth cried, `` Get off him this New York minute

'' Stupid daughter ! '' Lord Garth added.

'' She must hold a vacancy like a cow if she could take that without a whimper, '' the maid observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the whole world would hold heard. ``

'' I stifled my scream, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three condition running at shoal ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' liar ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised movement I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her maidenhead, it parted with a scream that sent crows scattering a mile hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never walk again ! ``

'' The pain will conk soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not take over it, '' she said and the tears flowed.

'' Just check still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your pureness is intact ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' dame Garth insisted.

'' Half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such exquisite delight that I could moderate myself no boost and I lay back oculus closed to enjoy the second of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you defy ! '' Lady Garth exclaimed but suddenly my loin were pumping and a dry quart and more of my stickiness surged Forth within pitiful Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` mommy ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' dame Garth cried, `` Come away, quickly, you saw nothing nothing do you get wind ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the door finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No subject, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington drunk and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three parts in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't want to, for when shall I ever experience a loot winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was resurgent and spear upward into her well lubricated innards with the outstanding of simpleness.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed intrusion, `` It 's Brobdingnagian ! ``

'' Is it too practically ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and more ! ``

'' No, it 's, the category curse, '' I explained, `` Few adult female can take the unit of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are whores, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to incur the perfect cleaning woman who can take my integral length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to raise herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no effect for she was so moist she slid right down to the very origin of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh Miss Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am impaled, I fear the nuisance will never settle, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will pass and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in complete exaltation and in a moment I shall soothe your inner most parts. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my cream was already boiling Forth River from my loins, `` Please I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh God Almighty no, '' and a great violent stream gushed from me and I saw Angel and the wholly heavenly host applause and cheering and Hannah 's face had not the show of someone in pain, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never take the air properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall require me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender woman might look at my length and girth and convey me to the heights of XTC, '' I explained, `` volition you be my whore ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed free of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall shoot the breeze you regularly. ``

'' Every night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must drop the nights with my husband, '' she declared, as she tried to staunch the floodlight of my seminal fluid busily escaping her.

'' In that face conjoin me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the kind pass but, '' she paused, `` I can not think of a single reason to decline, except we do not know one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will live a life story of sobriety ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And stop chasing woman of the street ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will love me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't need to espouse a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a suitable period she slipped from my room.

I found my apparel at length and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would allow and ventured Forth River, my friends had already been apprised of my espousal by my intended Miss Hannah and I sat down to my repast to reply their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what meal is this, a late break-fast or an betimes lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall take eminent Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an idiot ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a ridiculous notion, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me ball deep, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like countenance yet within there is a cleft of eight inch and more ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your means of find ? ``

'' I pronged her of course ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` Dash it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his heart set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estates they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with human sizing prongs not the ball of a prize Irish bull. ''

'' Well that 's hardly my problem is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if shepherd pie, fried eggs, Baron Verulam and tomato was an entirely heady pick for my meal.

The midday came and with it my departure from the Southam Courtenay and its environs and for my return home, the more enobled having stayed with the young lady Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay Court or the stick house in the grounds and it was from there that a very raging Earl Marchington descended to rebuke me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his shote picayune eyes bulging through immensely boneheaded eyeglasses framed in the thickest frames I ever regaled as he bent his head up to comensate for his arched back and dumpy midst ramification and a belly witness to seventy old age and more than of imbibing and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to skid away the back way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` seed Forth that I might take satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to return to the dining room to face up him.

'' You abused my bespoken ! '' he accused, `` I demand atonement ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords daughter is very accommodating, '' Bobby Fawkes suggested.

'' atonement sir ! '' he said, `` A duel ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my skirt ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your arm ! ``

'' Prongs at dawn ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with insults ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall select two whores as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out garish is the success. ``

'' I meant the longest, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's daughter abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you know I feel inspiration. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a fragrance to match, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a fountainhead padded unseasoned woman waddling towards us, `` might I difficulty you for a dalliance ? '' he asked his addled brain mistaking the cleaning woman for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A toying ? '' she demanded, `` A dalliance ! '' for far from the Landlord 's daughter it was indeed Molly Garth, Hannah 's sister that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am unequal to ! ''
I nearly burst my sides with the exertion of stifling my laughter

'' No sir, no but a trifling ? '' she said.

'' flirting, pronging, criminal conversation, call it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have inspiration and I demand expiation ! ``

'' Damn it girl, my Creator Earl Marchington has needs, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laughter, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly young woman, '' he declared, `` I have stirrings ! ``

Fat ugly and slow moving as she was molly was not entirely stunned, `` Oh then let me comfort you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my room, no the dining table might suffice. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' bestow a manus Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could react both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a seconds thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased molly towards the dining table, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For pity sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my shame I just stood aside and watched as Molly was pulled towards the table and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the work of a present moment to rive her skirts and underskirts up and so reveal her bloated belly and the mass of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his boot laces, his breeches around his ankles and his prong revealed, some four or five inches in length yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her belly and back again, it would never do, `` On the sharpness of the table ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and put off stood at the Saami height or thereabouts and at my bid so the mating began, a perplex affair, with Algy holding Molly 's shoulders and Sam and Bobby holding her legs asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the furs of her slot.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

Poor mollie, she knew not what to answer so she held her tongue while the Earl amused himself for a few consequence until his center rolled signifying his moment of vent and at that very moment Molly 's mother stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the mother cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might knock ! ``

'' Un hand my daughter ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your daughter this is the Landlord 's maid, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a wild wild boar ? ``

'' That sir is Molly my older daughter, '' madam Garth insisted, `` Now perpetrate your knickers up sir lest the goose prominence on your backside frightens the horse. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your daughter you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding pitiable Molly down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a great comfort of a frosty night, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and willing. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my God Almighty, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the candles are blown out. '' he agreed, `` count young Pinkerton, lets block our duelling, you have the thin one and I 'll carry the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a capital suggestion, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' Lady Garth intoned, `` We shall get the name changed on the marriage licence forthwith, is three weeks the next Saturday convenient for the marriage ceremony my lord. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall relieve oneself it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall marry you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a drunk and a adulterer ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do have my faults, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you marry me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very minute if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the lord ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' Lord Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a bivalent celebration, redeem me a fortune do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a meretricious skate why not tell the world ! ``

'' And where shall we live ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh lord knows, '' I replied, `` British capital, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the season, '' I explained.

'' But we must settle down, buy a menage ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An Estate perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another family ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Four houses ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big ones, hundred of peasants hut of class. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' madam Garth interjected, `` We well know how prone to hyperbole Lord Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the adverse Madam, I habitually down play my endowment so as not to frighten the fillies. ``

'' I do n't intend your prong ! '' Lady Garth explained, `` I mean your riches. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then textile things will not matter. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she detect such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right hand female parent ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I know ? '' the female parent asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a retainer that you have not at some sentence serviced, '' Creator Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the looking at of Colonel Templeman about her do you not think ? ``

'' No ! '' Lady Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' Well she looks very fine in any case, '' I explained, `` So if you will apologize us I shall prompt my honey of the advantages of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped room it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very sharpness of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her top from the floor forcing my manhood so cryptic into her that she squealed and wailed in ecstasy even as she wrapped her legs around me and I walked around the bedchamber supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .