`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The sofa floor, '' a woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not secure enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' fountainhead it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a obscure hope, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this eve, that should give you clip for shower and a tall mallow burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London deary, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't ingest much choice really, so I thew my tools in the old transit at knocking off time and headed round Dendranthema grandifloruom for a snack to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 East bound.

The dealings was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her lieu around ten to seven, an old fashioned Ithiel Town house with a few step up to the front threshold and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath rock faced to showtime floor stratum then render, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to delight, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hall. She looked late thirty-something acted like ninety, snot-nosed bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` schoolma'am, '' a girl 's vocalisation trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the fair sex insisted.

'' But schoolmarm, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maiden outfit about four sizes too belittled, her white meat swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stalking ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh come alive up and smell the burnt umber, '' she insisted, `` Really the small mindedness of the typical British people worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business enterprise Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to talk about my intimate preferences, nor yours for that issue. ``

She led me through to the waiting area, strangely the base was as I left it, sealed glossa and groove foray true pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong feel of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the cellar cap. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The base, '' she said, `` leak, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water making water, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it reek of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had better see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the wide modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the storehouse room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The cap was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not piss, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low roof and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul-smelling drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, do upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me show. ``

She went back to the waiting area, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the problem. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man kept woman ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a hour, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My idea boggled, she had done her easily but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the tush couple of inch of her pussycat were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid child, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No damned wonder it leaks and malodor, have n't you ever hear of lavatories, Thomas potty, Armitage product and all that ? ''

'' And in your small minded reality have you no knowledge of pee sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, pee skiing, but not pissing on the living way floor. ``

'' And it had no outcome on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my pant leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't dishonor a full arise coney. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the virile member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the storey is a bit of a gob smack if I 'm fair. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a curt rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like turncock, '' the schoolmistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing base ? '' I asked.

'' Your hard-on Edward Young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' Ninety seven per centum of the adult universe, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a nonage fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would prefer the old Thomas toilet urinal to the animation room floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her mouth, my mouth, in my pilus, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to hold back chamber pots under the bed when my 1000 dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't resolve, does n't the thought of your water arcing through the air to rob my apparel, my brassiere, my bosom, does that not rouse you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your back talk are still yet your shaft speaks volume, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor little girl she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not hardhearted Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a shortly triplet, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a captive ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and role, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walks in the parking area, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after nighttime you understand, with the low-down scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the lavatory, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a cunt. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my blue jean, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' feeling, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualist natural process not readily mistaken for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' feeling, '' I said, `` You need coats and pelage of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously rainproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in nous when you had the berth done, I just subbed on the base. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are unresistant, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the to a lesser extent makes you nonresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not bring around the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How very much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coats, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for material, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's traveling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouthpiece, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, amphetamine centre class squawk, who would n't want to piss in her face ? but Pippa, well, to be fair I just wanted to ram my straining turncock trench in her sweetened pink pussy.

'' I do n't have sex, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like pecker do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers shaft, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a delicate spot for it but as I mentioned a unbending forearm beats a flexible cock on every single level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole way bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the concluding coat before you can adventure using it again, twelve 60 minutes before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the base like a shower, tile the bulwark a bit too, not white but maybe slate Charles Grey or something, then you can playact there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary measure and for those frightful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really involve to take out the existing, spliff in a tissue layer. ``

'' How very much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball parking area, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two day, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed colour Wise it should be soft enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final exam quote and I am trusted we have a softwood. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed pussy while she looked longingly at the prominence in my denim.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' commodity, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` cheerio Pippa, Nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front man door, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the steps to the right, '' she explained, `` good-bye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' upright dark, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the passage with a big grin on my look, I just turned a complaint into two days paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to pick up about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody pervert !

To be continued