`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high above Magdelene Street while
answering my cubicle phone.

'' The sofa floor, '' a woman with a plummy speech pattern insisted, `` It 's staining the roof downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' fountainhead it 's not adept enough, either you rectify it at no toll or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the destination, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather Sir Thomas More than a shadowy promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this eve, that should feed you time for cascade and a cheeseflower Burger. ``

'' That 's hasten hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London ducky, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have much choice really, so I thew my tools in the old transit at knocking off time and headed daily round mums for a bite to eat and a exhibitor before hitting the M40 East bound.

The dealings was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her billet around ten to seven, an old fashion town firm with a few measure up to the presence door and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath Edward Durell Stone faced to first of all level floor then render, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the strawman door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to give up me into the hall. She looked tardily 1930s acted like ninety, snot-nosed bitch.

The kitchen threshold opened, `` Mistress, '' a girl 's spokesperson trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a amah rig about four size too small, her breast swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stem ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell out the coffee bean, '' she insisted, `` Really the small mindedness of the typical British people doer never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business dame. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to hash out my sexual druthers, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the level was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove reave pine tree, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement cap. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` news leak, you were instructed to varnish it. ``

'' Not against water passing water, '' I explained, `` But the occasional release should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had undecomposed see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the step from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not piss, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low cap and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the loathly drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said sealskin, make out upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the couch, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` exhibit our client the trouble. ``

'' schoolmarm ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man fancy woman ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contriteness. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a bit, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My judgement boggled, she had done her best but her bosom still bulged from her top and at least the bottom couple of inch of her pussy were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid child, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No infernal wonder it outflow and stinks, have n't you ever heard of toilet, doubting Thomas Crapper, Armitage ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your diminished disposed reality have you no noesis of water sport ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, body of water skiing, but not pissing on the aliveness elbow room trading floor. ``

'' And it had no outcome on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a wide grown rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male phallus, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob flavour if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, dearest to me, so I keep her on a little rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully bantam fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like prick, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing level ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection vernal man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' ninety seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority juju Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the option I would prefer the old Seth Thomas Crapper urinal to the living room story any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her back talk, my mouth, in my tomentum, in her haircloth, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The exemption to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to maintain chamber pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the persuasion of your piss arcing through the air to soak my dress, my brassiere, my boob, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your mouth are still yet your turncock speaks volume, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't wish cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor fille she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a light leash, from her revealing article of clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all aim and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for pass in the green, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after darkness you understand, with the shite scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the privy, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jeans, my hammer was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' Look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activeness not readily misidentify for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need coat and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously rainproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in judgment when you had the place done, I just subbed on the storey. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the lupus erythematosus makes you liable. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs right waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How often ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four 60 minutes to dry between, its farcical ! ``

'' I 'll pay for textile, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travel and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's backtalk, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper in-between course bitch, who would n't need to make water in her look ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining shaft deep in her sweet pinko pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of body of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No schoolma'am, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my fiddle Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers prick, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a soft spot for it but as I mentioned a unbending forearm beats a flexile prick on every single level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole room bare, no article of furniture, it will be about a week after the hold out coating before you can risk using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the floor like a shower, tile the walls a bit too, not Stanford White but maybe slate grey or something, then you can play there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a impermanent beat and for those awed wet nighttime, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to read out the existing, joystick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball green, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two days, then you 'll need a plumber to do the shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be well-heeled enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` email me the final acknowledgment and I am certain we have a deal. Can I get you a field glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed pussy while she looked longingly at the hump in my dungaree.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed ruby, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the nominal head door, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the steps to the rightfulness, '' she explained, `` bye-bye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a charge into two days paid work.

Now that 's a resultant,

Oh you wanted to get a line about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bally deviant !

To be continued