headwaiter Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain doubting Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't hold a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody discover.

We had a bloody bad trip back from America on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made certain me plaque were good and went to see bloody agentive role first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with trappings to match. factor were a Slimy whoreson with slicked down hair and poncy causa. He sat behind this over refine bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of it of a blooming cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to conform to you at final stage,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me all-fired brain,"I explained to the unknowing Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the memorial tablet,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, small-arm of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you think of governance,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a suddenly haired gorilla in a blacken clothes with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody wide-eyed enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky buggers ent it ?"

"boldness is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever kick eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How often were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking terms,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in quick. Daft bastard on comeback near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a fair few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody days ocean trip took, blooming steamship broke down on the way but at hold out I had some organization in bank and could fare home base instead of scratting troll down Dixie United States of America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour original what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few bit then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a courteous plump fresh dark-brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in XXX three and anyroad toff got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody infernal region do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be blooming lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to get hitched with a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, endangerment cyprian house or conjoin a nob. Marrying a nob seemed well idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at fag Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after high noon so I thought I would throw a insect bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or tail assembly o computer menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea clip and noon time was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

director come up to me and asked me business organisation,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be perfect mind."

He got amiss end of stick and suggested a couple of harlot houses.

"Nay I want a woman for keep see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not keep forking out for cocotte till I gets bloody clap and me cock rot off."

"You can't keep striver anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of sexual abstention belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Godhead wi his backrest to us over there's got more girl than you can shake a pin at, why not make him an pass ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a shaving of fish and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says direct out.

"And who the netherworld are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house painter I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"flavour if its bloody organization you want I'll pay top dollar bill, long as she's virgin, two legs, two weaponry, couple of bloody tits, her own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering butt dressed like a right hand ponce says,"You might well get married off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard hard currency, I knows too many bloody card sharps."

"I have never been so diss sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and receive my daughter ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too slap-up but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a Swedish mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His piazza needed a lick of paint and the pantryman's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me all-fired thinker. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody cleaning woman turns up,"By heck you're an vile bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to jab thee."

"This is my married woman Captain,"bloke says,"gentlewoman McGonnegal."

"No criminal offense like,"I says as she belts me flesh out the chops, we her prim hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty art object ent she ?"

"sea captain Beckinthwaite wishes to Court one of our girl pricey,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Divine McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my utter body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"cum now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"Storms, Tempest, bloody give water pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody ass in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut good on't it, bloody shipping lark."I said,"face is in bloody excavation that's what I reckon, luxuriously bloody clip to bloody go under down."

"And you seek to court my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bally like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no foul bloody butler poking on her alike thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody headway, I also reckoned noble Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to keep open stum so she showed us into parlour."fille,"she says,"Come and adjoin maitre d'hotel er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first girl were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulder, blue eyes, lame rigged apparel showcasing her titty, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servants, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the lady friend asked.

"Bloody ample and in need of a flaming shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bally mind and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repugnant,"she explained.

Another vision of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria Falls,"Lady Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody underworld, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her little whisker and scowling fount if it had n't been for her knocker you 'd have thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a flaming bloke or a fucking girl eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin son, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in agreement skipper,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an mollymawk cuddle in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit cut on bloody undercoat,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good chance her were a bloody virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't subject what her blooming expression looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me crashing end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a all-fired virgin I ‘ ll fucking thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"Captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"quintuplet hundred,"I offered,"Republic of Guinea, to select her off thi bloody hand and put a ring on her bloody finger, take it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this lusus naturae for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bally wife lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, someone to look after me bloody house, James Cook, clean look after bloody fry, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bally nookie, you wo n't do better than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer chieftain is no, never."She stormed away in a blinking strop.

"Feisty patch ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were all-fired messing."

Almighty Mc's oculus bulged as I showed a scoop full of gold.

"Take a glass of wine police captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down down a bit,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a gracious Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and form Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protestation,"point it, break off it mother I woukd rather die than marry that frightfully man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a middling damn price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the missy went, following the speech sound up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polished oak flooring, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maid and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her apparel off and looked like she been whacked across face with a dead Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corsets and knee length stockings, no breeches or nothing but showing her privates and skillful creamy second joint.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs all-encompassing,"Take a look Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody tough, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the the like of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"ma'am Mc replied but the glint of light off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the room access shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd belt down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't eat away jeune fille, I never had to force a all-fired wench to fuck me in me blinking life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger's breadth gently up her thigh and then I started to part her pussy lips with me fingerbreadth. It weren't the first time. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"fountainhead your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big sea robber belt and let me trews fall,"Lets foretell it our little bloody secret shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody alien to a doll's cunt and wi me thumb on her short nub her knocker were getting dainty and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But police captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no skillful ramming me cock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her titty and on down to her pile. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh trough I got me lingua in the rut between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were ilk saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an lynchpin up a hawsehole pipe.It were flaming heaven. Right in till me balls were banging on her genitalia,"What the bloody hell size of it bloody candela youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh police captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody roll in the hay ent so blinking bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple wax light, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek boldness for the bloody fucking. Once I shot me bloody lode in thee its for blooming lifetime like, if thee can't abdomen it say now and I'll shoot me bloody load over thee belly and say no more than about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody payload over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind nitty-gritty under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to fritter a Zen of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me pecker was bloody throbbing and suddenly it were too recently for all-fired pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"sucking me flaming cock arduous I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may nurse my teats if it help excite youl."And with that she pylled her titty right out of her girdle and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to palpate your manly bureau against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our oral fissure met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your spit in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. nobleman and peeress Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're conformable like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, congratulation,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us have the employment announced in Lancashire evening post.

"sodomist that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down all-fired harbour and I can do bloody marriage, no bloody motive to scourge bloody establishment on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed prescribed like, and do you know after we fucked a clock time or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the lighting behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what subject and she's bloody champion and no blinking mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .