Summer 2026

It were an ordinary morning. Phone rang.

"Scheol - Oh"I says insouciant like.

"Is that sex change clinic ?"this twat asks.

"No its a fucking Chinese wash, of course it's sex modification clinic,"I says,"What do you want ?"

"To become a woman,"he says.

"best of destiny with that, geological period, hot rush, babies,"I says,"What we offer is a basic prickoptomy, like clean end run or a de-bollocking if you want to be an enoch, I mean Unuch."

"Oh,"he says.

"We can piss a cunt hole where your dick was,"I says,"If you want but almost folk what's concern is queers what takes it up their ass anyway so it's a bit pointless is that."

"Oh,"he says.

"Look if you just want's to perv, we can do a set of DD boob,"I said,"Keep thee cock and that and that will get you into women only shower and char's changing suite, mind you you'll need a big handbag to veil thee cock when it gets hard."

"Do I have to live as a woman first,"he asked.

"Not since Labour won 2024 election, July 4th I think it was,"I explained,"You just fill in an online contour on the"You Gov"web site and Henry M. Robert's your mother brother."

"Oh,"he said."How much ?"

"Depends, are you a UK resident or have leave to stay on ?"I asked

"Oh yes,"he agreed.

"Only most are illegals who don't want to be exported and they can say their lives will be in peril if they are sent back to Wazzockstan or whatever."I explained,"Though I don't see it me self as Islamic law law has their whatsits off as a assault penalisation and they don't have any whatsits anyway but UK political science muppets don't see it that way."

"I am a UK citizen,"he said.

"What coloring ?"I asked."Caucasian, Milk Chocolate, Plain Chocolate, matte blackness what ?"

"What does that matter ?"he asked

"hide colour, we have to do a bribery, it don't keep, scrape don't,"I explained,"We get it unfermented from Pathology usually, Negroid's easy, ten a penny Cy Young pitch blackness, tongue victims and shootings mainly but Arabian can be a sodomite, and almost Caucasian language are either pissed up or drugged up or bloody ancient dead from rude causes, If you want a cunt we use Sus scrofa intestine."

"Oh,"he said.

"Look Lucille Ball parking lot, Illegal, Arab, no cunt no nipple say sixty quid,"I said,"Caucasian wide works about nine grand."

"Why the conflict ?"he asked.

"Rochdale Racists sponsor the Arab, stops them breeding see,"I explained.

"How soon could you do it ?"He asked. Well I had a transportation system Van gearbox to put back in and Nutter wanted his Harley Oil changed ASAP,"Half three any good ?"

"Do I have to stay in all dark ?"he asked

"No, its dead quick,"I said,"We measure up the grafting, lop off the pipe organ and sew the graft on then make a pee jam, stagnant quick if you don't want tits, and it's cash only by the way."

"And you are qualified yes ?"He asked.

"Course we are,"I said and looked at me MOT tester's credentials hanging on the wall,"Look get yourself down Manchester Road screw a few tarts and decide whether losing your tool is really the answer."

"I had no idea it was so well-situated,"he said,"The NHS said it took three years,"

"Lazy bastards,"I said,"Anyway think on, devote us a ship's bell when you decide."

I was only winding him up, our number at Brian's Motor Works ( BMW get it ) was only one figure different to the specialist clinic so we got their calls sometimes and it was a laugh to scent their punter up.

sodomite me if he didn't ring back a workweek later.

"We discussed my sex change hold up week,"he said,"I did as you suggested, and well, I never realised how lovely fucking a lady was, I went to public shoal you know and we were always at it, veritable buggery prevents irregularity was the watchword."

"So ?"I says.

"You suggested chest implants,"he continued,"If I grew my fuzz and had DD dumbbell I could get into exhibitor suite with au naturel women and let nature take it's course of action couldn't I ?"

"Oh yes plenty of cross-dresser do that,"I ? agreed,"It makes it a lot easier when the bint's already got her kit off, all hot and sweaty, lot easier to work them on."

"Yes, fox among the poulet,"he said,"Just me and my cock and all those sweaty lovely naked ladies."

There was a strange gurgling noise.

"You OK mate ?"I asked.

"Oh yes sorry,"he said.

"Are you fucking wanking you filthy bastard ?"I asked.

"Yes, sorry, got it all over the electric refrigerator threshold,"he admitted.

"Too much nooky information,"I said"flavour do you really want to bear DD tits wobbling about, can't you just drop the ball off to videos instead of wobbling around on size of it 12 stillettos and having to shave your chin four metre a day and the rachis of your hands and your chest."

"You are not a very good salesman,"he said.

"No, I'm a fucking MOT examiner and you have the wrong phone number, again, fuck off."I said and slammed the phone down.

He fucking rang back,"Do you intend I can't get a sex modification without living as a charwoman for two years.

"No, Jesus, You can do a resolve that you're female person and get into the noblewoman loo or ladies changing suite or,"I said.

"Yes, that's what I want,"he agreed.

"Keer stutter brought in the change in the law in 2024, when Labour won the UK election,"I explained,"Me sister'friend found some bloke's rooster nuzzling her ass crack in showers at the swimming kitty and when she complained they said she was trans - fobic and should get a life."

"Oh,"he said.

"That's what she said,"I explained,"If that's what floats your gravy boat just fill in the on business line conformation and Bob's you uncle, all those hot sweaty naked ladies glistening in the shower bath all ready to be bent over and shafted, or pushed against a wall and fucked."

"Oh yes, how fantastic,"he agreed,"Do you know where I can feel the form ?"

"It's on You Gov, just fill up it in, no need to live as a woman, have your cock lopped off anything like that, promiscuous than getting an MOT certification really."I explained.

"That's wonderful, would you like to see up for a beverage or something ?"he asked.

"screwing off,"I replied and slammed the phone down."Fucks rice beer,"I muttered and grabbed me pencil and wrote his number down,"What a fucking perv."

After work I did an e-mail to the plod and gave his details, that was month ago and I heard fuck all since. I blame lying-in party, the whoreson. Woman is a bint with a uterus, what has kids, bloke with no fishing tackle is a gelding, not a bloody woman but fucking Labour says that's burn -fobic, what fucking planet do those puss live on .