`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The sofa floor, '' a woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not estimable enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was week ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not serious enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall await you at seven this eventide, that should generate you time for shower and a cheese Warren E. Burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London ducky, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have much choice really, so I thew my tools in the old transit at knocking off time and headed round mama for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 East bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned town star sign with a few steps up to the figurehead door and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bathe stone faced to first off base level then submit, a red brick construction basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well better your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to tolerate me into the hallway. She looked later thirties acted like XC, snotty bitch.

The kitchen room access opened, `` schoolma'am, '' a girl 's interpreter trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maidservant turnout about four sizes too diminished, her boob swelled over the top and it barely reached below her umbilicus which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your orb back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell the coffee, '' she insisted, `` Really the little mindedness of the distinctive British worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't bear on it. '' she said as she locked the outside threshold behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my intimate preference, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the couch, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed lingua and groove stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the trouble ? '' I asked as I noticed a solid tone of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement roof. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The level, '' she said, `` Leaks, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against piss outflow, '' I explained, `` But the occasional release should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had safe see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store elbow room formerly servants residence beneath the lounge.

The cap was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not H2O, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the bathymetry go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drainage, goose egg to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said cachet, number upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me present. ``

She went back to the couch, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our Guest the job. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contriteness. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her scoop but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the fanny yoke of inch of her pussycat were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you dolt nestling, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the refine floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No beshrew wonder it news leak and stink, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas the doubting Apostle Crapper, Armitage merchandise and all that ? ''

'' And in your small beware earth have you no cognition of water sportsman ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the living way floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a replete grownup cony. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a Nice set forearm to the transitory inclemency of the manlike phallus, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the base is a bit of a gob flavor if I 'm reliable. ``

'' She 's very, love to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully diminutive fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing story ? '' I asked.

'' Your hard-on young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course I got a operose on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' ninety seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a nonage fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would favour the old Thomas toilet urinal to the living room base any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her sassing, my back talk, in my hair, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a idea, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the humor takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep chamber pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my tip Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't respond, does n't the cerebration of your urine arcing through the air to drench my wearing apparel, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your back talk are silent yet your cock speaks loudness, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor fille she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I poor fish, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and intention, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walkway in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the nincompoop pocket. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the can, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hired man down my dungaree, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' Look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic body process not readily mistake for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' feel, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should induce explained what you had in judgment when you had the place done, I just subbed on the story. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrison are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you liable. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs right waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for material, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasolene, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouth, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper eye class squawk, who would n't desire to pee-pee in her face ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining turncock trench in her dulcet pink pussy.

'' I do n't cognize, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of body of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for long time have you sweetie ? ``

'' No fancy woman, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys schoolma'am, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers turncock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a easygoing spot for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a whippy cock on every unmarried level.

'' If we do this, like we need the solid way bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the shoemaker's last coat before you can risk using it again, twelve time of day before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the cellar, tile the floor like a shower, tile the wall a bit too, not clean but maybe slate gray or something, then you can represent there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary measure and for those awful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of genial, `` Well to pee-pee a job we really take to take out the existing, pin in a membrane. ``

'' How practically ? '' she demanded. I gave her a Ball parkland, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two days, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the shower bath headspring or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you set forth. '' she asked.

'' Mon calendar week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed vividness Wise it should be prosperous enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` netmail me the final reference and I am for certain we have a passel. Can I get you a crank of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed bitch while she looked longingly at the bulge in my denim.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' goodness, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' goodness, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` goodby Pippa, nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The tradesman 's entry is down the footmark to the right, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good Night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my look, I just turned a complaint into two twenty-four hours paid work.

Now that 's a termination,

Oh you wanted to get wind about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a detergent builder not a all-fired deviate !

To be continued