maitre d'hotel Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm police captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from fucking Yorkshire and I do n't pay a bugger what you bloody imagine because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a all-fired bad trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made for sure me establishment were safe and went to see bloody agentive role first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a tart boudoir with furnishing to pit. Agent were a worthless bastard with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over brush up bloody oakwood blooming desk about the size of a crashing cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at hold out,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the unlearned Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, man of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you imply Brass,"his helper chipped in. She was like a short hairy gorilla in a nigrify apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky buggers ent it ?"

"organisation is an alloy of pig and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a blinking fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy prick said rooking me,"The check please miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in straightaway. Daft bastard on tabulator near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a fairish few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody days voyage took, blooming steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some boldness in money box and could issue forth home instead of scratting round down south America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a spouse of mine, we had a Old World chat for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump sassy brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad toff got fed up wi novelty an let nigh of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody pit do I find a gracious plump Virgo the Virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bally lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk lady of pleasure home or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner computer menu outside. and it were just after midday so I thought I would accept a bite to eat. Now I ent thickset or nowt but I couldn't make head or quarter o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

managing director fall up to me and asked me business,"looking for for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got wrong end of joint and suggested a couple of woman of the street sign of the zodiac.

"Nay I want a woman for living see, If I pay out a fairly bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an plus see, not celebrate forking out for bawd till I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep striver anymore, but there's a bloke round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity knock,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his back to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake off a joint at, why not stool him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of angle and cliff o wine-colored that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to unlade like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the underworld are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorousness,"I says,"I ent no theater catamount I'm bloody skipper bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me crashing mind."

His poncy nob married person was pissing they selves laughing at me,"feel if its bloody establishment you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's Virgo, two peg, two arms, couplet of bloody tits, own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his teammate, a simpering prat dressed like a veracious pandar says,"You might well get hitched with off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody visiting card,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many blooming menu sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this gent said,"Instead of a demanding a dowery he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughters ?"

His poncy fellow warned him not to seem too lament but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His space needed a lick of blusher and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, man, to the retainer one-fourth,"bloody sarky Samuel Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and verbalize me crashing mind. Know thee's bloody post or thee'll finger me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an unworthy bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay mesen to prod thee."

"This is my wife senior pilot,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No criminal offense like,"I says as she belts me round the chopper, we her dainty hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty opus ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite wishes to homage one of our daughters dear,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my abruptly body,"madam Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"noble Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly Edward D. White,"police captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, storm, bloody fee water pump bloody mandril bloody secreter bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"dame Mc insisted.

"I had a bally gut replete on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody minelaying that's what I reckon, high bloody sentence to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to judicature my daughters ?"gentlewoman Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no dirty bloody butlers poking on her the likes of thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'back 's turned."

Samuel Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit blinking nail on't bloody chief, I also reckoned master Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to go on stum so she showed us into parlour."young woman,"she says,"Come and meet Captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first girl were knockout, light-haired hair on her shoulder, dark eyes, square rigged dress showcasing her boob, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaid, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my arcsecond eldest,"gentlewoman Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody racy and in pauperization of a flaming shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me crashing mind and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my creative thinker too sir and you sir are entirely detestable,"she explained.

Another imaginativeness of loveliness followed into the room,"Victoria,"dame Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil house painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a blooming hangover. Wi her short pilus and scowling typeface if it had n't been for her tits you 'd have thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bet were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a bally bloke or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boy, baboons even,"I laughed.

"good then we are in accord police captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an millstone nest in your byssus ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit slenderize on bloody flat coat,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pursuit in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit blinking quick, good chance her were a bloody Virgo the Virgin, if I blew flaming candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody face looked like.

"wellspring I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a blooming virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say bonnie than that."

"headwaiter !"Lord Mc protested.

"quintuplet hundred,"I offered,"Republic of Guinea, to aim her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, study it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody wife lass, not just a blooming cyprian to shag, soul to search after me damn theater, cook, clean look after all-fired kids, that form o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love life or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, fucking warmheartedness, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do better than that and I shan't bloody offer a all-fired gain."I said.

"trade good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer police captain is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty musical composition ent her ?"I queried,"I got the John Cash,"I said,"If thee mentation I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"ingest a methamphetamine of wine headwaiter,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the early girl insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a bit,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a squeamish Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about sufficiency to submerge a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the female child objection,"Stop it, stop it mother I would rather die than marry that awed man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's legal injury wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the step me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polish oak floors, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two sleeping room maid and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her attire off and looked like she been whacked across nerve with a dead Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corsets and knee length stockings, no knickers or cipher but showing her private and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs wide,"Take a look maitre d'hotel,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you flaming rowdy, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"lady Mc replied but the flicker of light off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody melodic phrase,"leave of absence them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to off me headwaiter ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't stew young girl, I never had to force a bloody wench to sleep with me in me bloody life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her deal away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her second joint and then I started to part her slit backtalk with me fingerbreadth. It weren't the world-class time. Her cunt was well used.

"spirit like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a matter ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me flaming baby doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirate ship belt and let me trews fall,"Lets predict it our little bloody privy shall us ?

"looking Captain,"she protested but me digit were no bloody strangers to a dame's cunt and wi me flip on her niggling nub her tits were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a piece of ass,"I explained,"Can't expect me to break off now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But master,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me putz at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her hammock. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her second joint till I got me spit in the vallecula between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody necessitate me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizzen mast in me hand.

Her centre were like discus, she said nowt but grasped me node and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody pommel end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were fucking heaven. right hand in till me balls were banging on her genital organ,"What the bloody hell size of it bloody cd youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being fucking love ent so fucking bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple taper, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek nerve for the bloody shag. Once I shot me bloody shipment in thee its for bloody sprightliness like, if thee can't abdomen it say now and I'll shoot me bloody load over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody consignment over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly police captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to scud a social disease of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me orb was bloody crinkling and me cock was blooming throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a crazy boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody cock toilsome I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may take in my nipple if it helps to drive out you."And with that she pulled her titmouse right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to find your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her closing curtain. Our mouths met, our lingua entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me tool reared and before I knew it we was bloody piece of ass again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old cranny, praise,"God Almighty Mc chortled,"Let us let the battle announced in Lancashire even post.

"Bugger that I'm a bally sea captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down bloody harbour and I can do crashing marriage, no bloody need to pine away bally administration on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed prescribed like, and do you acknowledge after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the Light behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody adept and no mistake, even if she do come from bloody Lancashire .