`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high gear above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge level, '' a cleaning lady with a plummy speech pattern insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' John Griffith Chaney ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the destination, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall have a bun in the oven you at seven this evening, that should give you time for shower and a cheese burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving British capital darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have a lot choice really, so I thew my putz in the old transit at knocking off time and headed round mums for a bite to eat and a rain shower before hitting the M40 east bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her lieu around ten to seven, an old forge town star sign with a few steps up to the presence threshold and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bathe I. F. Stone faced to first floor level then submit, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're betimes, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' fountainhead amend your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked late thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` mistress, '' a girl 's vocalisation trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the charwoman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maid outfit about four sizes too modest, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh come alive up and smell the coffee berry, '' she insisted, `` Really the small mindedness of the typical British worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business lady. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to discourse my sexual preference, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the level was as I left it, sealed knife and groove stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a secure odour of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the cellar ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` wetting, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water leaks, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be okay. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had dependable see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the spacious forward-looking kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants vestibule beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not piddle, '' I said, and I rubbed my digit against the low roof and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the smelly drainage, cypher to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, come in upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the couch, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` demo our client the problem. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man kept woman ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My creative thinker boggled, she had done her upright but her tit still bulged from her top and at least the can couple of inches of her kitty were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please schoolmarm, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid child, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No anathemize inquire it news leak and stinks, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas throne, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small take care humanity have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, urine skiing, but not pissing on the living room base. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my pant leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an hard-on which would n't discredit a full turn rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice stiff forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male penis, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob smooch if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the schoolma'am said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floor ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course I got a unvoiced on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' ninety seven percent of the grownup population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a nonage fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the selection I would prefer the old Saint Thomas Crapper urinal to the support room trading floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her mouth, my mouth, in my hair, in her pilus, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mode takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to go on sleeping room pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't suffice, does n't the thought of your piddle arcing through the air to soak my dress, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are silent yet your rooster speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't care cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor girl she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short triad, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and intention, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for manner of walking in the Mungo Park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the poop scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the can, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a squawk. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jeans, my turncock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' looking, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activeness not readily mistaken for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' look, '' I said, `` You need coating and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproofed, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should hold explained what you had in mind when you had the space done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Sir Rex Harrison are nonimmune, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you nonresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the job ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How a good deal ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coating, '' I said, `` twenty four 60 minutes to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for stuff, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travel and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's rima oris, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper middle class bitch, who would n't want to spend a penny in her expression ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining cock trench in her sweet-scented rap pussy.

'' I do n't recognize, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of employment. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No fancy woman, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like prick do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you digit and my toy Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers rooster, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a soft place for it but as I mentioned a stiff forearm beats a flexible shaft on every undivided level.

'' If we do this, like we need the unanimous way bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the stopping point coat before you can risk using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet elbow room in the basement, tile the floor like a shower, tile the walls a bit too, not white but maybe slate grey or something, then you can play there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary criterion and for those awful wet night, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to submit out the existing, stick in a membrane. ``

'' How often ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two sidereal day, then you 'll need a plumber to do the shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start up. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed colouring material wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final credit and I am certain we have a mint. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed bitch while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` arrivederci Pippa, courteous to see you, '' I said and she blushed ruby, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The market keeper 's entryway is down the steps to the rightfulness, '' she explained, `` good day Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' ripe night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a complaint into two days paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to hear about the early poppycock, now hang on, I 'm a constructor not a fucking deviate !

To be continued