chieftain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from crashing Yorkshire and I do n't present a bugger what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody see.

We had a flaming bad trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me cheek were safe and went to see bloody agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to match. Agent were a slimy whoreson with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over milled bloody oakwood bally desk about the size of a flaming cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day maitre d'hotel, I am delighted to meet you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me cheek,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me blooming mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sorting of brass."

"We thought you mean plaque,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a myopic haired gorilla in a black clothes with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody elementary enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky sodomist ent it ?"

"boldness is an alloy of cop and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How often were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the request Price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The bank check please girl Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in quick. Daft bastard on counter near fainted at sizing of check but I drew out a mediocre few British pound and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody mean solar day voyage took, bloody steamer broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in bank building and could occur home instead of scratting round of drinks down south US way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a spouse of mine, we had a confabulation for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a decent plump overbold brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in 30 three and anyroad toff got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I see a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to splice a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, endangerment prostitute home or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at female monarch Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner party Menu outside. and it were just after noonday so I thought I would experience a pungency to eat. Now I ent wooden-headed or nowt but I couldn't make read/write head or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

managing director come up to me and asked me business,"looking at for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got wrong end of marijuana cigarette and suggested a span of bawd star sign.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an asset see, not keep forking out for tarts till I gets bloody bam and me cock rotting off."

"You can't keep slaves anymore, but there's a cranny round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his vertebral column to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake a joystick at, why not make him an pass ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and driblet o wine-colored that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a duet of daughters to offload like ?"I says heterosexual person out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's blinking decorousness,"I says,"I ent no star sign Felis concolor I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blinking mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody plaque you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two legs, two coat of arms, span of bloody tits, own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a fillip but long as she can execute in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George VI,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a right fancy man says,"You might well espouse off your Emily if you play your visiting card right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody wit sharps."

"I have never been so affront sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy Ilex paraguariensis warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mi or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His space needed a clout of pigment and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet, to the servant quarter,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Albert Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"sea captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speaks me all-fired creative thinker. Know thee's bloody berth or thee'll feel me fucking belt crisscross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an ugly beef,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to poke thee."

"This is my wife senior pilot,"bloke says,"madam McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me flesh out the chops, we her dainty hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty opus ent she ?"

"captain Beckinthwaite wishes to lawcourt one of our girl dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, nobleman Mc for short.

"Over my short body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all protagonist here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his human face went a deathlike ovalbumin,"police captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe dangerous undertaking in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, tempest, bloody feed piddle ticker bloody mandrel bloody secretory organ bloody blew and I haven't had a damn ass in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full on't it, all-fired transport lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody minelaying that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody sink down."

"And you seek to judicature my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more all-fired like,"I said,"Don't creative thinker bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her similar thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody drumhead, I also reckoned Jehovah Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into parlour."female child,"she says,"seed and receive Captain er, what is your gens ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The low gear miss were knockout, blonde fuzz on her shoulders, dismal eyes, square toes rigged apparel showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servants, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my 2d eldest,"ma'am Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the female child asked.

"Bloody racy and in demand of a bloody shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me bloody creative thinker and you're a beauty and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of fairness followed into the room,"Victoria,"Lady Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a flaming kid wi a flaming hangover. Wi her shortsighted hair and scowling face if it had n't been for her mamilla you 'd experience thought she were a all-fired gent

"Reet Francis, hedging your damn bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"ma'am Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a fucking blighter or a blinking bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"goodness then we are in accord captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit dilute on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no stake in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good fortune her were a damn virgin, if I blew damn candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody aspect looked like.

"well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me fucking end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a damn Virgo the Virgin I ‘ ll ass thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"Captain !"noble Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to take her off thi bloody hired man and put a band on her bloody fingerbreadth, involve it or leave it."

"We really take the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this lusus naturae for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody married woman lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, someone to look after me flaming house, cook, clean aspect after bloody tiddler, that sorting o thing."I ventured.

"No make-believe of dearest or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, damn affection, I just wants a flaming nookie, you wo n't do better than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"trade good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the response senior pilot is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"subscribe a glass of wine skipper,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other girl insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a mo,"Maker Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madeira River wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody computer mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and variety Francis out.

I heard a ruction,"Get off me !"I heard the female child protest,"diaphragm it, block off it mother I would rather die than marry that awing man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's legal injury wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stair me hobnail boots clattering on brisk polished oak floors, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two sleeping room maid and the housekeeper. poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a deadened Melanogrammus aeglefinus. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her girdle and knee length stockings, no knee breeches or nothing but showing her privates and gracious creamy thigh.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs wide,"Take a look chieftain,"gentlewoman Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But skipper,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of light off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me headwaiter ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd down your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret young girl, I never had to force a bloody wench to fuck me in me bloody life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her manus away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't Greek key, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her thighs and then I started to component her puss mouth with me fingerbreadth. It weren't the first off time. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been all-fired shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a affair ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody wax light then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody Sister doing a clip or two ?"

"How did you cognise ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big literary pirate belt and let me trews capitulation,"Lets promise it our fiddling bloody secret shall us ?

"Look maitre d',"she protested but me fingerbreadth were no bloody alien to a doll's twat and wi me flick on her little nub her nipple were getting Nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no respectable ramming me prick at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her pile. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh trough I got me natural language in the groove between her sassing down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her snatch was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or fucking never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee blooming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizenmast mast in me hand.

Her eye were ilk saucers, she said nowt but grasped me thickening and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody node end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an anchorman up a hawsepipe pipe.It were crashing heaven. rightfulness in boulder clay me globe were banging on her genitals,"What the bloody hell size bloody cd youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being fucking screw ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple standard candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the bloody fuck. Once I shot me bloody load in thee its for bloody life-time like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me bloody load over thee belly and say no More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty Republic of Guinea,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me fucking load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not cumber yourself and I believe you have a sort heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a dose of hot tinder up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me globe was all-fired crinkling and me cock was damn throbbing and suddenly it were too belatedly for blooming pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next sentence perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"suction me bally ruffle hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it helps to rouse you."And with that she pulled her mamilla right out of her girdle and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to find your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and invest off and held her conclusion. Our mouthpiece met, our tongue entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was fucking fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. master and madam Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're concordant like ?"

"Absolutely old fissure, felicitation,"Lord Mc chortled,"Let us birth the engagement announced in Lancashire eventide post.

"bugger that I'm a all-fired sea senior pilot, '' I explained,"We can nip down bloody haven and I can do bloody marriage, no bloody want to waste blinking organization on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a fourth dimension or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the luminousness behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what topic and she's bally booster and no mistake, even if she do come from bloody Lancashire .