diary Entry family 21, 1911

Today was dusty and wet. Went out for a walk anyway. The parting are starting to turn over and the moistness makes their gloss all the to a greater extent vivid. I so regard Jonathan was here to walk with me. I walked tenacious than I should and was quite cool down when I returned. I am never cold when he is with me.

Diary entrance September 22, 1911

Awoke this forenoon very tight in my chest. I know it is just a tiddler congestion from too practically walking in the rain, but Mother insisted on calling Dr. Jamison. He confirmed my diagnosis, prescribed a day in bed and various dose of a smutty elixir. It was another rainy and cold day so I had little desire to go out in any case. I used the time to spell a letter to my beloved Jonathan.

***

Mr. Jonathan Little Giant

Hotel central Room 238

59 East Main Street

Chicago Illinois

beloved Jonathan :

I am forced to bed today by a picayune congestion. You know how I hate confinement. But at least I have time to indite and that offers much solace. I count the min till you return and we are forever joined. I can not say plenty how happy it makes me knowing that I will soon be your wife.

Yesterday I went for a paseo, in cattiness of the inclement weather. I walked up to the cemetery and placed flowers at the incoming to the family burial vault where my honey sister Clarissa lies. It is such a lovely spot, especially this sentence of year as the leafage cover the skunk with their blanket of red, scandalmongering and orange. The branch of a cracking oak bed covering over the entrance, sheltering it. It is such a peaceful, contemplative lieu, I always feel refreshed when I come. I think it is because, for a while, whatever pains I feel or trouble are before me, they seem to melt to triviality as I contemplate the perfect eternal heartsease, that Clarissa now knows and that we too will ascertain in God 's own time. I feel her comportment so close as I stand there, beside her repose lieu. She was always so happy, in spite of the frailties that plagued her since birth. She died two yr ago, on the day that will be our wedding day. I still call in how, in her final exam here and now, she took my hand and smiled, whispering `` perhaps, when next we meet, I shall finally beat you at badminton ''. Then a serene expression came to her case and she quietly drifted away.

Oh, Jonathan, I do so wish she could be here to share our happy day. Yet I know I will find her mien, smiling down from Eden, so happy for my happiness. On wakeful subject field, the planetary house is in a state of such sum disarray you would think the nuptials was tomorrow. Mother is running this way and that, reduplicate checking on bloom, solid food for the receipt, accommodation for guests, and on and on. I do care you were here to loan a appeasement influence.

Oh Jonathan, please promise me that you will let zippo delay your return and that no matter what happens, we will be united on the appointed day.

All my eternal Love

Leona

***

Sept. 23

Bright and sunny, some tightness remains, but my mood is as gay as the bright orange and yellow leaves. Had what should be the final trying on on my scrubs. I ca n't believe that in only three weeks I will put on it down the aisle and go Mrs. Jonathan Douglas ! watchword can not express the joy I feel.

September 24

Awoke this morning with horrible cough. It cleared after a while but the trade good Doctor ordered me to bed and run me with Sir Thomas More of his awful elixir. He seemed quite grave accent, the old fool. None the less, I am glad that almost everything is set for the wedding party, so I can take a few years to rest and recover. In only seven days my beloved Jack returns from his travelling. I count the hours till he can view as me in his subdivision again.

September 25

This morning was frigidity and damp, I awoke again with much coughing and impression chilled. It passed by noontide but I remained in bed all day, feeling weak and tired. The Dr. came, and went again. He was as assure as usual, but I noted a speck of concern in his voice. Mother too, seemed a bit anxious after speaking with him. I, however, am so certain that nothing will intervene with our happiness, that I discount their fear. I know it is a trivial ailment and I shall be up and about in no meter. For the present I shall enjoy the chance to rest and escape from Mother 's invariable flurry.

Sept 26

Today started much like yesterday, but it was well past high noon before felt well enough to sit up and aim a piddling food. The parsimoniousness in my chest persists even yet. Initially I was gladiola of the rest, but now I feel confined. The doc came and went, again, after forcing me to take more of his awful medicine. I do so bid this complaint would pass. I feel I have so much to do. Heaven forbid that my beloved Jonathan should return from his journey and find me still confined to my bed.

Sept 27

Today I confronted the doctor about my unwellness, upon which his foul elixirs seem to get no effect. He tried to avoid the interrogative sentence and say it was nix, but I could state he was not telling all and I persisted. Finally his face took on a grave locution. He told me he thought I was a strong womanhood who could face the true statement, he proceeded to evidence me that I was suffering from the Saami complaint of the heart and soul and lung that claimed my near baby. Of class he is a sodding fool ! How could he think such a matter !

Sept 28

Still forced to bed. The discomfort seems worse. It is all so unfair ! That I, a woman of such normal vigor, should be struck down in this way. I hate the morbid weeping faces of those convinced of my immanent last ! I hate the whisper outside my door ! What are they hiding from me ? That they are already planning my funeral ? ! The dolt fools ! I wish they would all leave well enough alone.

Sept 29

Oh please God ! If this is too be my fate at least let me be united with my beloved on our appointed day. Please give me that much sentence ! Then I can leave this human beings contented in my brief but perfect happiness. I promise to set a good example by my passage as did my honey sister if only you will give me that much time.

Sep 30

I feel very weak today. What little sentiency of hope I had has washed away in the slow drizzle that continues to pass outside. Somehow I know that the doctor was decent, and I shall not be the rarified exception who survives this disease. My gown was delivered this dayspring, but it brought petty joy to the house, the package sits in the Asaph Hall unopened. It all seems so superfluous. The weeks of provision, all for nothing. I do n't even have sex why I bother to hold this criminal record that none will profit by.

October 1

My dearest Jonathan arrived today, and while the circumstances saddened us both, I feel so very much better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to brighten my room. I no longer hope for convalescence. I can not help but feel the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems Sir Thomas More a blessed embossment than tragic end. My solely wish is that I come to my end with grace.

begetter assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a fellow member of the family, they consider him as a son already, and that, should he select, he could be laid beside me, in God 's own time.

Oct 2

I had the most wondrous dream last Nox. I was walking in the cemetery, near the crime syndicate hurdle, and there I met my love sister Clarissa. She was standing by the path, dressed in the beautiful garb in which she was laid to repose. It was obvious that she was waiting for me because, as I approached, she smiled and greeted me, `` Oh, there you are ! cum, I have something to prove you '' She lead me to the vault and the heavy iron door simply dissolved before us. I followed her in to where three low Harlan Fiske Stone mesa stood. The first held a shut casket, the 2nd held an out-of-doors coffin lined with beautiful white satin and lace. The thirdly was empty.

'' This is my place '' she said, gesturing to the close down coffin. `` Here is yours '', she said, stepping to the empty, open coffin. `` And this is for your dear Jonathan, if he so chooses '' `` ejaculate, yield your rest '' I stepped up and into the open empty coffin, and lay down. It felt so safe, tranquillize, and peaceful. When I awoke, I was lying on my back, my hands folded as if I were laid for burial. I felt more passive and refreshed than I have for many days.

October 3

The funeral director came this morn. I looked through his book and ***********ed a coffin. A rather simple design of Edward D. White enameled Natalie Wood, lined with satin. He took some measuring, and we discussed the point of the service. I told him that the wedding flowers would do for my funeral as well. I told him my wedding surgical gown and veil to be used for my inhumation garments. I do want Jonathan to see me in my wedding ceremony gown, even if it is to be as I lie in my coffin. We discussed my funeral as calmly as I discussed my wedding a few weeks ago. Only now does that seem strange.

October 4

I feel so rickety today, Jonathan has been here with me all day. It is such a puff to know he is close. The priest came today as well. For a patch we discussed the overhaul, and what would find to me. He spoke of the lulu of Eden, and did his ripe to re-assure me. Still, I know the end is near, and I am so afraid. Oh God, please ... please ... generate me peace.

***

October 5

Here the diary resumes in another hand

I, Jonathan Douglas, summarise this diary, that the result concerning the passage of my beloved Leona may be recorded for descendants. Yesterday night she took this from beneath her pillow and pressed it into my paw, saying she could write no more and the content might offer me some comfort. After she had gone to sleep, I did read, and found great comfort in her calm adoption of the catastrophe which has befallen her.

Today I witnessed the passage, or should I say the glorification, of an Angel Falls, for surely she will be among the average of all the clean backer in heaven. I pray that I do not blaspheme in this belief.

I was with my dear Leona when she awoke, in lots suffering. She was feverish and coughing, and seemed very light, but then about midmorning a strange and beautiful calm came over her, and she seemed removed as if she was watching something far away. Of all the people in the way, she seemed to be mindful of only me. She lay this way for some meter, oblivious to all, even the non-Christian priest who came to say the last rite. Then about noon, she squeezed my hand and smiled,

'' looking Jonathan '' she said, `` its Clarissa ! '' `` She 's here for our marriage ! '' `` I knew she would come ''

Then she turned to me and said `` Oh my beloved Jonathan. Now everything is perfect ! ``

With that she closed her eyes and quietly breathed her close. I stayed long by her side, reluctant to let her go.

October 7th

The Mortician has done his duty. He took Leona from us, and returned her this morning.

Now she rests in the front room. My God ! she is beautiful, even in death. She lies there dressed forever in the nightdress that she should own worn to our marriage ceremony in only three days. She seems so peaceful, so glad, as she lies surrounded by flowers, the same blank bloom that were meant for our happy day. Instead they will decorate her grave.

Tomorrow we will make her to church, and thence to the bank vault where she will lie for eternity. Her Father of the Church told me that, there is a place for me there too, should I want it in time. I feel now that we will be together again soon. For what is a human life in the nerve of eternity ! This thought gives me gravid peace.

October 11

I pray that this diary may remain cover for many years that what I record now may not bring overplus upon my house or the families of any mentioned here. For I have kept my promise to my beloved Leona.

At fall yesterday, I went to the crypt where she lies at peace. In my party was the burial site grounds keeper, who for a few distinct dollars, opened the vault that I might move into. Also in my company was a priest, fallen from grace with the church for his heat for various sine of the flesh, the extent of which only I know. I swore not to uncover my knowledge providing that he assisted me and never revealed these legal proceeding. Upon entering the vault I opened the casket holding the earthly remains of my bride, and once again place upright silent, amazed at her beauty, as she lay so peaceable and still, in all her wedding finery. following I opened the coffin of her sister which lay beside her, for if my beloved Leona had her wish, Clarissa would birth stood beside us at the communion table as her maid of honor. Clarissa too, lay as if peacefully asleep, still lovely in her repose, despite the enactment of sentence since she was laid here.

I stood beside my beloved as the priest read the marriage vows, holding her frigidity, lifeless hand. I pledged to take her as my wife, and I answered for her as I knew she would salute to take me for her husband. With the words `` with this ring I do wed '' I placed the golden circle on her pale cold finger. And when the priest pronounced us man and wife, I raised the head covering from her facial expression and gently kissed her dusty lifeless brim. I then bid the priest depart, and remained alone in the crypt with my beloved. I lifted her from her resting berth, and holding her stopping point, we slowly turned about the room. Her endearing white dress swept the cold stones as we danced our nuptials walk-in. My own desire steadily grew as I swayed with her dead body held blotto to mine.

When at last the music in my own heading came to a close, I laid her again in her coffin, which was her spousal bed. Not an inappropriate bed I thought, admiring the elegant Edward Douglas White Jr. satin and lace on which she lay. Lifting the head covering from her face, I gently kissed her and caressed her face. I stroked her breasts, so solid and cool beneath her satin gown. All the while the Passion for her grew in me until I could tolerate it no longer. Lifting the doll of her dress, to expose her femininity, I opened my pants to let out my maleness. I climbed into the casket and lay atop my beloved, becoming one with her as we would have on our marriage ceremony dark. Holding her in my passionate embrace, kissing and caressing her common cold, still face, I gave her the net endowment of our love, and left her with something of myself to remain with her for the ages. I lay thus with her long after my physical motive was meet, my psyche resting on her satin covered chest, gently stroking her sleek whisker. Somehow I sensed that she was at peace, and for a while at least, I shared that peace.

The sunup sun was penetrating the small stained spyglass windowpane of the vault threshold when I reluctantly rose and separated myself from my beloved. I arranged her frock neatly about her peg and folded her manpower once again at her shank. From the redolence around the bier I ***********ed a single everlasting white rose and placed it in her hands. I gave her frigid lips a final candy kiss and gently lowered the silky embryonic membrane over her brass. She looked so peaceable, so serene, so beautiful. It was with great difficulty that I closed the casket and left her to her Godhead final rest. The morning sun shown brightly as I left the burial vault. I was filled with a great gumption of joy that made the day seem all the brighter, for it seemed all around me I sensed the comportment of my beloved Leona. I saw her smile in the dappled sunshine. I heard her laughter in the rustling leaves. I felt her caress in the gruntle breeze. Together we walked from the place and back to my mundane world. Yet I know my life, what ever remains of it, will never be the same, for always I will be remembering her with joy, and longing for our final perfect union

Here ends the diary of Leona Zimmerman Douglas ...