I arrived at Allerton anteroom unannounced, dressed in the classic style of a landed gentleman while riding in a tolerably smart carriage pulled by a touch couplet of grey, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devon who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in hullabaloo crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His free grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as disdainful manner as I could muster.

'' In the Town sir, Allerton, in the second power sir, at the flogging sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by right wing he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the peeress Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to keep back possession of my ridiculously marvellous hat..

'' I could get a taste for this St. John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that moment we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` adept than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as dependable with your driving, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed places and also changed coats and hats and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a effective lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a boil mass of humans confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a wheel there should have been mass murder for we should never accept stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a hanging in Bodmin in August, for a nifty wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes Christian church the whole market square was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving bird was being whipped, she was naked to the shank, her gown or break ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her masked leather clad teaser, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to void his setback by turning away he struck her shapely exposed titty and the tit thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her manpower were manacled and uselessly chained together and the concatenation tied to a high shaft of light high above her headway which served to hold her so she could do zilch but stand or swing uselessly from the carpus smoothing iron from which a lead of stemma seeped already.

The crowd were transfixed and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public lashing was the height of their season, and all classes were confront, merchant and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the function, the Divine Graham, his son, by his incline and the Lady Phillipa his younger girl with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine the Great.

'' We 'll tether the sawbuck and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the go-cart through a T good turn and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The maid was nothing but a hobble and bloodied muckle when I returned, and his adoration Mr Justin Grant the justice of the Trentham assizes was mounting the dance step to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled concourse, `` His gracility Earl Howard told me to utilise the law in its full strength, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three months hence you shall assemble again to see the penalty I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` Note well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipode, I was determined that penalty should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen penalty ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a grumble, `` Have you seen that I Judge grant am a man of my word and all are equal in my motor inn, that the lowest maid and highest lady can gestate equation of discourse ? '' he demanded. There was a murmur vowel of approval. `` That the Lady Catherine received no preference when she abused her faith and stole a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a retainer five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge hammer, the serving dame was the Lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six month has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she grind, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she confess as you all heard, but she will not admit her guilt, will not confess, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no leniency, no well-to-do aliveness as a firm handmaiden so shall she continue as the depleted farm girlfriend until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her Labour for her father to renounce, I suggest she may have found the Antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and centre, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine II was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce believe it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, filthy bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her brass were now not painted but naturally cherry and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her shift fell away revealing an smoothing iron chastity belt.

A enceinte laugh arose and shake up Catherine the Great from her stupefied fixedness and she grabbed her torn gaberdine around her, desperate to bear on the reserve that in truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her split had run dry until just the tear runway remained in the filth of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an branding iron dog collar around her neck and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a slow and abominable mental process, but by and by we made progress until at distance the yokel riding the cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could proceed at its honorable pace which in all satinpod was no salutary than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his Lordships piggery, set away from the main sign and farm because of the olfactory property it was a low stone built building with a stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and filth lived his lordship 's pigs, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an atomic number 26 in the wall which I noted his Lordships agent fastened her Ernst Boris Chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your involvement here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most singular as to why the Lady Catherine is so treated. ``

'' She 's no noblewoman ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the balance, '' he said and he tore away the last of her dress leaving her defenseless, `` She 'll get pot of swill come first light and she can enjoy a life of ease, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` Drop me at my father 's and take the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my male parent mild abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadow and pastures my father pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a time in my young when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` John, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a second son, you have a good public figure but no lot, so my son it is for you to produce your own fortune, shall you bring together the militia, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No sire, '' I had answered `` I shall be an explorer and trip the world in hunting of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the lady Catherine the Great. '' I said proudly, though in accuracy at that time I had barely exchange two dozen discussion with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my noble what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to launch purity of the cherished metallic element with an eye to seeking atomic number 79 prospecting and so by stage my education progressed until with a loanword from Father that he could ill give I bought handing over to Mexico.

I had a last summer at home, a brief spell of dances and fetes, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a rich suitor to woo her, but for the while my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a lot in the New earthly concern and wed Catherine the Great sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not signify to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with monetary resource or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not distract Catherine the Great, you amuse her, but she has but a short season, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the John Griffith Chaney Season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not bother her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea illness afflicted me and it was a cracking succor when we hit a gale off the Longships Reef and had to limp into Newlyn for fix, and once ashore aught would induce me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

Thus it was with soft disinterest that Father-God watched Barrington drive the stroller up to our theatre and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to reckon its disappearance when I had unloaded my own luggage as sign that it was as a mere rider in a hire conveyance rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` can where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your luck ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a hazard of a thousand punt and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my travelling bag from the roadside.

'' I have been mining ash gray, '' I said.

'' In the US 's ? '' Father of the Church asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to United Mexican States from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the open Ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea sickness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships Rand and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha distinctive ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not tell you that as the oldest son of a second son, you have a good name but no lot, and to make your own fortune by joining the militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in lookup of gem. ``

'' Then it 's a corking shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well Father I worked the wheal Claire mine, chieftain Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found ash gray. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out take furrow and gave directions, just above the water he said, and there it was a thin seam and I started on my own with a pot axe and a megabucks of candles, and I recognised the silver bearing ore and crush my own rock-and-roll by candle light, and made my own superman using my Department of Education to the full and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock and sick my own silver ingots, but the mineral vein was not all-inclusive, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six column inch slot in the rock-and-roll and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offer, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a smiling, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver seam clean as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our gem to Truro piece by art object moulded and cast into ingots and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to leaven it was indeed silver and as an excursus we made annulus and trinkets by selective casting and we travelled the jeweller selling trinkets rings and pieces of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed serving of it to selected men of wealth saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the vena any further and I sold shares until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my start ring to gentlewoman Catherine, I had its sinlessness checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay office and I sent it anonymously but within the privileged circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should know she was in my thoughts always.

'' A Fairy chronicle, '' beginner averred, `` but come in and have an extra situation set at dinner mother. ``

'' What happened to lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' Father of the Church said, `` A fallal from Lady Henry Watson Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid silver ring, '' female parent said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to reckon you thought to marry her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would own forgotten the hale thing of Catherine would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a fuss, '' female parent said, `` All fellowship attended, the jurist, Judge Ulysses Simpson Grant, insisted that the law were upheld for her as for the lowest society and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four prison term at equinoxes or the skinny Sabbatum thereto and should answer as peeress Fowler 's servant for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a flying field ! '' Father added, `` So the judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to incline hogg, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his Grace passed a note to the jurist. '' father added.

'' And the justice ordered her to hold out an smoothing iron chastity belt ! '' mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father took up the tale, `` They dragged her to the cell, it was pitiful, she came with her father and mother and Sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her whiteness and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whisper started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a phase to be built beside the Red Lion and promised fee ale and had the judge convey her to the square on the Saturday of the equinox all dressed up, but chained hands and fundament and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift key, tearing her clothes right away and then he tore even that away so her udder were free and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an iron pinch around her neck like any common malefactor and hung it from a radio beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a stealer but you see it was a valuable ring, antique silver, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and right in alternate solidus, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the belted ammunition and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed lines into it, an inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her titty ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teats, criss cross hither and thither her ams were shackled operating cost so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm innocent .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' forefather said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from chamber pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's muck spreading hale up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a pistol, of course of action being a all right lady, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobble and she form of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all sort of nastiness at her. ``

'' They put a discharge around her to hide her nakedness, '' Father-God added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and go with the Sus scrofa, she measures out their slops, some say she contribution it because they do n't run her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and furious, '' mother said, `` The bumpkin used to like to torment her but they do n't see the decimal point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The Beadle has her road repair though, '' don added, `` rock and roll breaking, which is mans work really but the evaluator agreed it was fairly. ``

'' To imagine you wanted to hold your hat up to a vernacular criminal, she 'll have to become a servant or marry a yokel, '' mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' Father said because he knew of such affair being a quondam militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine II refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' mother insisted, `` The Fowler 's would ingest no need of her portion. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' Mother said, `` It did n't appear right when they brought her into the square behind the dung cart on mid summers day and the smell was something atrocious, so in conclusion workweek they found her clothes from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Padre said, `` Like a bad gambling, a filthy yokel in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls give up carriage, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the bent man ripped the frock off her and showed the under-things of a fine lady that the miserable orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoots when they bared her teats, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily Patrick White where the dirt flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way place ? '' Father asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business enterprise in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' wellspring you are a very lucky boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to match your calf love you may make wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' Father explained, `` A one thousand guinea fowl, eh, sweeten the oral contraceptive pill eh ! all her demands and haughtiness, I remember when she was Pres Young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to mouth to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a hiker is neat and less morbid. ``

I ignored female parent 's jibe.

Next daybreak I donned my working clothes and borrowed father 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode past slowly, Catherine II looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a crook I tethered my Equus caballus and I walked back, `` Nice morning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is dainty about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh breeze, pretty missy, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her chastity rap, `` Or that because I have sharp teeth and a strong bite. ''

'' A osculation then, a conciliate caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig pigwash sack for a smock but it was loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a meat pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed articulatio cubiti. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall fetch, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you companion me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacled ankle to the pigsty wall, `` I am afraid I am poorly. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I love you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past times life, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard labour had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An supporter, and a meat pie you shall have, '' I promised, `` And a jam lady of pleasure if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pies ? '' she asked, `` PIE not promises will win my affections. ``

I went away in lookup of pie, I bought a slice at the Red lion and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so good, warm solid food. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire more then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the Sweet water supply from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the yokels do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her breast and bent my head.

Her mamilla stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with aristocratical kisses take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` collation me hurt me but do not bed me for I can not have it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attending ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her full on the brim and she recoiled, `` No your extremity ! '' she cried, `` I shall not sting. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so discerning, so lovely, I imagined for indorse how her passageway might be, all golden fur and expectation beneath the Fe straps and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and nuzzle and lid, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hired man kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her face, `` You should have allowed my osculation, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate candy kiss and you shall feature a chicken leg and apple pie following clip pass. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather thirst. '' she said, `` But I shall brand myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you delight ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a question, `` Why did you steal the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his female parent insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no outstanding gimmick, '' I said, `` But I own I should wish to lay abed with you when your labour ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty lash, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's swill than endure your company and eat pies and sporting lady, chocolate even. ``

'' menu well then my smasher, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on hogback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's theatre, riding horseback this metre, all dressed like a Gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I secernate his Grace for I can not recall your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too ingrain by my garb to see who I was and invited me to hold off in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you black Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a flunk adventurer who sought riches in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a courting of clothes and a Equus caballus in any fount. ``

'' And your intellect for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her involvement me not a fig. '' he said more with grief than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, fling matrimony perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a complete match, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall happen the key to her sexual abstention belt ammunition, if you have a Tanzanian shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his air hole, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your kernel content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the matter of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a great fondness for Catherine II and would wish to accept her whiteness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for rings, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an gaffer of the thirteenth century by its gull I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my door again should you consort with her, and now if you will let off me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprisal as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite unknown, indeed very unusual to be given a free hand with the gentlewoman Catherine the Great, indeed although the brightness level was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my sawhorse cover so I let her lie.

I said not a password to male parent or Mother but succeeding day I bought roast chicken leg, and an Malus pumila pie and some exceptional chocolate with soft midpoint containing exquisitely wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it safe for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her respective times across the shoulder joint with a crude outgrowth he had broken from a Tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to make yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the amah. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of wimp, '' she smiled, `` severalize me are you whoremonger, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the wimp to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your father sold it for a British shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with teardrop, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bath and then we shall chance a lenient bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not hope me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was antique, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can narrate from the marks when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the judge Grant. He knew of my father and so he allowed me an consultation for ten minutes as he was very busy, yet he called his man to delete his appointments when I explained the spot and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenance, the check from the jewelry maker 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to nobleman and lady Gower produced a track record that the ring was resized some age ago for Lady Fowler 's ancestor, '' the judge remembered, `` And he read the assay brand with a spy chicken feed and indeed gave a precise particular date of manufacture some hundreds of years prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay legal tender do n't give way the century merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or one-sixteenth hundred from the style, but not from the score sir. ``

'' You have sowed a semen of doubt Mr Matson, '' The Judge agreed, `` A seed no more, but I shall relieve oneself inquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his metre and went household. Church Father was in an irritable mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a luck ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will pursue you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fate to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and Thomas More, a hundred hammering, but observe it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis proficient to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver ingot from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his appendage while he sought to take advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a mantle and a hot meal, and I worried that the winter atmospheric condition might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't Saint John, '' she said as I sought to osculate her, `` My mouth is foul with the pigman expelling. ``

'' Poor poor Catherine of Aragon, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` Claim me as your own. ``

'' call you ? '' I asked.

'' need away the branding iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are proven ingenuous, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my pack ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the first off to you by courier, I engraved With my Love JM inside it, just a simple trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a o.k. oldtimer closed chain and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her oculus welled with bout, `` So please never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in surplusage of two hundred pounds, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so dismal, I presume too much. ``

'' Will you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig slime but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her optic full of tears and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can make love me then that is my fondest wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to gather sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the long cold night.

'' His Honour jurist Cary Grant wishes to see you John, '' forefather announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the cracking importunity. ``

I went to his chambers with the greatest fastness and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do consider young fowler may stimulate given it to Miss Maisey Fellows, Theodore chap gal, the merchant do you jazz. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make inquiry sir, when my decisions are questioned I make question, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send off for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall foregather at Mr George Ratner 's emporium, a short walk away, '' he ordered, `` Ten incisive head. ``

I went directly to the George I Inn where I put up and in the morning, and when I was woken with a wonderful breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a ado of activity I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back elbow room, '' he ordered, `` And heed. ``

miss comrade was a striking young fair sex, she strode into the shop class on Haven Street accompanied by her maid and her female parent, `` How daring you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this eve. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your anchor ring, '' he said, `` Antique Ag, very rare, ''

'' A show from Mr Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester cathedral. '' the Judge said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger's breadth, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry fille Fellows the jurist enquired.

'' A thousand pounds or in that region, '' the mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by twist they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Henry Watson Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all doughnut looked much the Lapplander but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the crank and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did face very fellow, and knit stitch, I expected a fulgent array of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The judge gave Miss Fellows a receipt for the band and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the presence of the Judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro legal tender, '' I averred, `` See the ding along the bottom production line, I have stared at that adequate multiplication. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacitance ? ``

'' miner, extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own gang I said, `` See here, a gang I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the ring again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office impression, and that is no old geezer, indeed the two rings could have come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The companion one was inscribed with my love life HM, the HM is still visible the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner party in the servants quarters at the department store, the Judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by police lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'dwelling house and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the house when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to question you about an antique silver ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, come. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and meet me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad party and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a respectable number of masses were already there and I became aware that the court was rapidly satisfy, the older Mr Fowler Church Father of Francis Henry Watson Fowler was in the tooshie behind me looking grim and at once tempestuous and worried, and then when I was seated for a one-half hour the jurist clerk ordered `` All upgrade, '' and the jurist appeared.

'' If it pleases the first vitrine is Rex versus Fowler. bearing false witness. '' the shop clerk announced. `` Fetch the captive. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an insignificant little attorney announced.

'' No it does n't please me lend Franics John Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the cells escorted by militia the evaluator wasted no time, `` Where did you obtain this anchor ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I come up young woman fella to testify you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family unit heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us phone Mrs fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting elbow room, `` So where did you hold this gaffer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dearest Francis for his dear. '' she replied.

'' The one the dame Catherine stole ? '' the Judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four assay mark. '' the evaluator asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay office and one can not recount in which century a musical composition was marked, merely the year from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The evaluator replied, `` And when did the Truro function cease to stomp with the Charles Cornwallis stamp and begin to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you sort out us, '' the Judge asked.

'' Some ten old age ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an old-hat tintinnabulation and lied also that Lady Catherine stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the jurist ordered, `` I Holy Order that Francis King John Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Fri workweek when they shall be tried for lying under oath, and that Miss Catherine formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on tutelage of stealing also on Friday, I shall receive application for bail for both matters in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the byplay of the trial of Manningham, Lord gray 's Gamekeeper for larceny of pheasants and Mister Johns for the stealing of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine, `` How much do you put up ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty guineas here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send Bible, but she will need clothing so spend your ten dago wisely. ``

I had fiddling fourth dimension so I a few handmaid gaberdine were all I could prevail, and I was at Trentham pokey when the militia brought Catherine II back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunica, `` I have come to remain firm bail '' I announced and when I paid the bond the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean smock, `` And where shall you lead me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have funds. '' I announced.

'' Then take me to soap and pee. '' she demanded.

I had investment firm indeed but she was unwelcome in any shop class so I purchased such for her and a whisker comb and soft leather skidder then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridgework where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous pocket-size low arch and after tethering the sawhorse she slipped over the breastwork and casting aside her dust coat she slipped into the tit mysterious quartz clear water.

She stooped with water up to her shoulders soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coating of foulness and she stood gallant and business firm bodied with not an Panthera uncia of part with fat, her udders sweeping from her breast like as utter beau ideal, just the crisscross of the party whip trails to blight her as the soil slipped away and my humanity stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to recoil back out delightedly swishing her long yellow straw like hair like a gamy retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the Georgia home boy slowly did her hair regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the nosepiece parapet curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the H2O and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and more of splashing and frolicking before she felt pick and donned a new gaberdine and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall take you home, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' liar, he sold me for a Kenyan shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodging star sign but when questions were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as victor and handmaid, and as was the recitation I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servants that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her ready in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the feeling that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the sunup, and woke me with a buss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with special forethought I explored where the chastity smash had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and give up me from your hold. ``

I took cargo hold of her and pried her legs astray and after exploring her mildness with my finger eased the cushy congregation asunder and eased the purpurate head of my manhood into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degree and through her torture which she staunchly repressed so tail column inch by quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of lovesome and wet and fast, and to her alarm I emitted within her promptly with all the say-so of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with love until my authorization returned and I entreated her to allow me to bask her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many more bob for soap, I do consider you owe me the courtesy of allowing my care a few Thomas More times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to inhibit my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the pain subsides with drill, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should expect a beneficial few interpolation before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that opposition was futile and pressed home my humanness against her, and when pressed her effeminateness parted like the flower petal of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her diffuse flexure enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her diminished hair around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a mellow plane of heaven entirely as she began to moan but with joy and not ail, `` I do believe you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than passion and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted voluminous amounts seed within her to extinguish her inner fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you savor being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would desire you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our steal with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our join but the promise of two hundred Sudanese pound changed his nous, but the Earl was more awkward, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a bargain with the housekeeper and I took away all the dame Catherine the Great 's clothes for the sum of XV shillings !

The Reverent bailey agreed to marry us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham Assizes in the courtroom house.

Catherine of Aragon chose to wear her red velvet dress with albumen detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should hold been, to the shock and dismay of the rube clustered around the court who expected her to be well-nigh naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seats and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the eye blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine the Great, formerly gentlewoman Catherine II Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a compositor's case for the pursuance. '' the justice demanded of a pocket-size attorney cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cells, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a bare mistake, and I 'm sure as shooting Mre bloke and Mr Francis mate would magnanimously forgive the missy and unloose her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the evaluator ordered, `` Then name Mr John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the looker box as Mrs Fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please secern the court where you obtained it. '' The judge asked, once I had sworn the truth to secernate, `` The one on your digit. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' appearance me, '' The jurist insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very a good deal like the fowler one, did you urinate that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for Lady Catherine II, it was engraved `` With my love HM, but the parole have been worn off to exit but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Henry Watson Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the jurist insisted, `` It is clear the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the tribunal Catherine, gentlewoman Catherine II your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a ulterior date perhaps you may leave the lawcourt with no stain upon your graphic symbol, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my equipage, Barrington had offered his services once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the Graeco-Roman style of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs Price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smartness bearing pulled by a matched duet of greyness,

The Earl Howarth 's pantryman rushed out in agitation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His saving grace. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' await just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her founder came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our unification ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a British shilling, a fair price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not encounter you or her, ''

She set her face like stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiries and when Catherine the Great approved I bought the manor house called Boulby manor for a veritable song as it was in an unfashionable style, and the trustees of the lately Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday trial, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the leniency of the justice so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must represent the conviction which their perjurious statements brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred lashes and be transported and Mrs fowler shall endure one hundred lashes at solstice and equinox and shall dish out Lady Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capability she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The metre and date were set, snow hustle set the market place white like fairyland and made the phase slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the Mother in first, Catherine of Aragon stared intently, as she was led up the steps to the phase, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her handwriting above her caput, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the whip bit Gospel According to John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my gown off, I had no idea, no estimation at all. '' she said, `` All the chawbacon staring at what is buck private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whiplash and when Lady fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he snap away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and mere under affair covered her and then with rendings and tearings her torus her to nakedness. not even a chastity belt protected her modestness, as the ringlet of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind scare and all was not well with the whipping as her soft flesh split almost the first blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your philia to transpose the time ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My hubby and I shall adminiser the reverse at a suitable rate nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with advantage serve my pigs as I should hate for him to return from the antipodes with a fortune. ``

'' A Stephen Samuel Wise and compassionate thought, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the microscope stage, `` In a spirit of compassion noblewoman Catherine has agreed that the whiplash shall be applied at her home and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the place of his aforesaid mother and consigned to attend the slob. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the Henry Watson Fowler son in turn brought up, the yokels lost interest but the maids became interested in their play as his jacket crown and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rope round his handcuff script, and then his breeches were hauled down and the number 1 blow was administered across his left shoulder and then a second across his right berm, and he bore it stoically while ten or more blows were landed and then in the fashion of such masses he began to intermit down, but it was not until after the first off twenty bump were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to rack up the man 's buttocks that the titter of laughter for as the C landed so his humanness found the gap in his under breech and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both shortstop and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the nose candy continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' feeling, ! '' was the shout, taken up around the lame, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a mischievous mother wit of devilry the whips-man flashed the whip between fowler peg and deep into his loins and all at once his manhood became revive and spewed Forth River such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old Milk, that stout women fainted.

'' To think I might have married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all manner preferable. ``

But fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the poky to recover before a further session a week hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the first and we travelled dwelling by go-cart driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to find permanent employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine of Aragon was despondent although she remained stoic throughout but I sensed she was still dysphoric and I asked about it.

'' I want Father and mother at my wedding, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver