`` What trading floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding mellow above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The waiting room floor, '' a woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' capital of the United Kingdom ! '' she said.

'' That was calendar week ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not proficient enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall have a bun in the oven you at seven this even, that should throw you metre for shower and a cheese burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving capital of the United Kingdom Darling River, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't suffer much choice really, so I thew my prick in the old transit at knocking off time and headed unit of ammunition mums for a pungency to eat and a shower bath before hitting the M40 E bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her berth around ten to seven, an old forge town firm with a few steps up to the face door and a few down to the cellar, probably 1880 ish, bathe stone faced to firstly floor tier then render, a red brick social structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're too soon, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' wellspring better your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked previous thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen room access opened, `` Mistress, '' a girl 's vocalisation trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But schoolma'am, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maiden outfit about four sizing too minuscule, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must birth been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry schoolma'am. '' she said.

'' Well close the doorway, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on straw ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell the coffee berry, '' she insisted, `` Really the belittled mindedness of the typical Brits worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my line Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the international door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my intimate preferences, nor yours for that affair. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove discase pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a potent smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement roof. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` escape, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against piddle leakage, '' I explained, `` But the periodic spillage should be ticket. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could have it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell out of antimicrobial ? ``

'' You had dear see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the steps from the spacious Bodoni font kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low roof and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the yucky drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said sealing wax, come up upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` usher our guest the trouble. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute of arc, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her best but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the bottom couple of inches of her twat were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid person child, '' she insisted.

I had no melodic theme what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No damned wonder it leakage and stinks, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas Crapper, Armitage ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your diminished minded earth have you no cognition of water sport ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water system skiing, but not pissing on the living way floor. ``

'' And it had no event on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some distance,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a total grown lapin. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you think of Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory rigour of the male fellow member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the flooring is a bit of a gob smack if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, beloved to me, so I keep her on a brusque rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully midget clenched fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floors ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my fellow traveller. ``

'' Of course I got a arduous on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' ninety seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority voodoo Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would favor the old Dylan Marlais Thomas Crapper urinal to the living elbow room base any day. ``

'' But, given the alternative of her sassing, my mouth, in my hairsbreadth, in her fuzz, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a idea, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the modality takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep chamber pots under the bed when my imposing dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to soak my dress, my bra, my tit, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are silent yet your cock speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't wish stopcock, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid person, which is why I keep Pippa on a short trey, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and determination, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walks in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the turd scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the lavatory, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my manus down my denim, my rooster was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' feel, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic action not readily mistaken for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' tone, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of varnish, racing yacht varnish or something seriously rainproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should ingest explained what you had in mind when you had the property done, I just subbed on the story. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub declaration, strictly Sir Rex Harrison are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a triviality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you liable. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the waterproofing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the trouble ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How often ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coats, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's back talk, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper eye class cunt, who would n't require to relieve oneself in her human face ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining stopcock oceanic abyss in her dessert ping pussy.

'' I do n't recognize, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for age have you sweetie ? ``

'' No fancy woman, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you finger and my miniature schoolmarm, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers shaft, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a balmy post for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a conciliatory cock on every undivided level.

'' If we do this, like we need the totally way bare, no furniture, it will be about a calendar week after the shoemaker's last coat before you can risk using it again, twelve hour before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the floor like a rain shower, tile the walls a bit too, not Edward D. White but maybe ticket Zane Grey or something, then you can bet there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary meter and for those awful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to take out the existing, stick in a tissue layer. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball parking lot, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two day, then you 'll need a pipe fitter to do the rain shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Mon week if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final cite and I am sure we have a trade. Can I get you a field glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the protrusion in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' trade good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` goodby Pippa, courteous to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the straw man doorway, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the footmark to the right hand, '' she explained, `` adios Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' just night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big grinning on my brass, I just turned a charge into two Clarence Shepard Day Jr. paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to hear about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a constructor not a blinking pervert !

To be continued