I arrived at Allerton vestibule unannounced, dressed in the Hellenic style of a landed Gentleman while riding in a tolerably smart carriage pulled by a matched duet of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Samuel Butler rushed out in ferment crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His Grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as haughty fashion as I could muster.

'' In the town sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by right he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the Lady Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain possession of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a taste for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that import we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` advantageously than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as dependable with your driving, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed station and also changed pelage and lid and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a seething mass of humanity confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a roulette wheel there should have been carnage for we should never have stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a hanging in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes Christian church the totally grocery square was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving bird was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her surgical gown or slip ripped from her and dangling from the chain around her waist and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to avoid his snow by turning away he struck her shapely exposed breast and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her manus were manacled and uselessly chained together and the strand tied to a high radio beam high above her head which served to hold her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the articulatio radiocarpea irons from which a lead of blood seeped already.

The crowd were transfixed and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public whipping was the height of their season, and all classes were present tense, merchants and peasants, workers and nobility indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seats set up for the role, the Godhead whole wheat flour, his son, by his slope and the gentlewoman Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the gymnastic horse and take the air back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the stroller through a T turn and tethered the squad outside the Draco Inn.

The maid was nothing but a limp and bloodied mess when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin Grant the evaluator of the Trentham assizes was mounting the steps to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled concourse, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to practice the law in its full forcefulness, and here you see I shirked not my province, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall assemble again to witness the punishment I laid down. ``

He paused for breath, `` bank note well that when I exercised indulgence by refraining from having the skirt transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmur, `` Have you seen that I Judge concession am a man of my word and all are equal in my courts, that the lowest amah and high lady can gestate equality of discourse ? '' he demanded. There was a mutter of approving. `` That the noblewoman Catherine of Aragon received no preference when she abused her trust and stole a trinket, as she called it, one that should cost a retainer five years labour ? ``

It hit me like a sledge mallet, the serving doll was the gentlewoman Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six calendar month has she toiled in the fields and six more shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered leniency should she fink as you all heard, but she will not take on her guilt, will not confess, will not justify and without contrition there can be no leniency, no comfortable life as a house handmaiden so shall she continue as the last-place farm girl until the after one yr and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her father to renounce, I suggest she may deliver found the antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` M shalt not slip. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and eyes, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The seismic disturbance of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce trust it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, foul bloodied and yet to my centre beautiful, though her pilus was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally rubicund and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the circle were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her fracture fell away revealing an iron sexual abstention belt.

A great laugh arose and jarred Catherine of Aragon from her amazed immobility and she grabbed her pluck smock around her, do-or-die to maintain the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her heart were crying but her split had run dry until just the rent tracks remained in the foulness of her face.

'' That 's your lady friend ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an Fe neckband around her neck and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a dung cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a slow and terrible outgrowth, but by and by we made advance until at duration the yokel riding the cart saw we were no threat to them and pulled Catherine aboard so the Ox could go forward at its best gait which in all satinpod was no better than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its goal was his Lordships piggery, set away from the briny house and farm because of the smell it was a low gem built building with a stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and grunge lived his Lordship 's cop, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an iron in the wall which I noted his Lordships broker fastened her chain of mountains with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your interest here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most rum as to why the Lady Catherine II is so handle. ``

'' She 's no ma'am ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the rest, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her naked, `` She 'll get plenty of swill come cockcrow and she can enjoy a animation of easiness, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is buck private land. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` Most certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of trend ! '' I ordered, `` shake off me at my sire 's and take the bearing. ''

I directed him the way to my fathers lowly abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking meadows and pastures my Father of the Church pretended to the macrocosm that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a clip in my youth when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` John the Evangelist, '' he said, `` You are the Old son of a endorse son, you have a good figure but no fortune, so my son it is for you to produce your own fortune, shall you fall in the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No Father-God, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the earthly concern in lookup of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And tie a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine. '' I said proudly, though in accuracy at that time I had barely substitution two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's daughter ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my Jehovah what a thought ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my Education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to show honour of the wanted metal with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by degree my education progressed until with a loanword from Father that he could ill afford I bought enactment to Mexico.

I had a lowest summer at habitation, a abbreviated trance of dance and fiesta, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a rich suitor to woo her, but for the patch my caller sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present tense and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to make a lot in the New human race and wed Catherine the Great sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not stand for to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not distract Catherine of Aragon, you amuse her, but she has but a short season, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the British capital time of year starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a great assuagement when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to gimp into Newlyn for mending, and once ashore nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new globe that I made my fortune.

olibanum it was with balmy disinterest that father watched Barrington push the go-cart up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to view its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as sign that it was as a mere passenger in a hire impartation rather than the man of means as I appeared.

It was female parent that rushed to recognize me, `` John where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fate of a thousand pounds and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the U.S. 's ? '' don asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under headwaiter Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the exposed ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea sickness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for mend nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Padre replied, `` Did I not narrate you that as the previous son of a indorsement son, you have a good public figure but no fortune, and to create your own lot by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes don, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in hunting of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a heavy shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' well Father I worked the Wheal Claire mine, chieftain Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out go seams and gave directions, just above the piss he said, and there it was a dilute seam and I started on my own with a peck axe and a bundle of candles, and I recognised the silver armorial bearing ore and crushed my own rock by candle light, and made my own Lucy in the sky with diamonds using my training to the entire and dissolved the Ag from the crushed rock and cast off my own silver block of metal, but the vein was not panoptic, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch slot in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offering, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old face turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a cost and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver furrow clean as bass as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our hoarded wealth to Truro opus by composition moulded and cast into metal bar and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to try it was indeed silver and as an digression we made hoop and trinkets by selective casting and we travelled the jeweller selling trinkets ringing and pieces of flatware and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed parcel of it to selected men of wealth saying there was shaving there and machinery was needed to mine the vein any advance and I sold shares until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my first anchor ring to Lady Catherine, I had its whiteness checked and hallmarked by Truro assay bureau and I sent it anonymously but within the interior set I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should cognize she was in my thoughts always.

'' A Fairy chronicle, '' Padre averred, `` but come in and have an spare place set at dinner party mother. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine the Great ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' Father said, `` A trinket from Lady Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid state silver ringing, '' Mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to consider you thought to marry her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, dame Henry Watson Fowler would have forgotten the whole thing of Catherine would feature wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a flap, '' Mother said, `` All beau monde attended, the judge, Judge Duncan Grant, insisted that the law were carry on for her as for the lowest fiat and when it was all over he found her guilty and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her statute title and whipped four metre at equinox or the approximate Sabbatum thereto and should do as Lady Fowler 's servant for a class and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a theatre ! '' begetter added, `` So the evaluator he said. ``

'' He said very well, the sentence is to tend hogs, '' mother squealed.

'' And his gracility passed a note to the Judge. '' Father added.

'' And the judge ordered her to wear an smoothing iron celibacy belt ammunition ! '' mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' female parent suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Church Father took up the tale, `` They dragged her to the cubicle, it was hapless, she came with her male parent and female parent and sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispering started that she would n't be flogged at all his grace paid for a phase to be built beside the Red social lion and promised fee ale and had the judge get her to the square on the Saturday of the equinoctial point all dressed up, but chained mitt and groundwork and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her dress right away and then he tore even that away so her udder were free and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an iron collar around her neck like any rough-cut malefactor and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the justice said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a worthful ringing, oldtimer silver medal, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and mighty in alternate strokes, first he bared her cheek so we could see the whang and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed line of credit into it, an edge apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her breasts ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her mammilla, criss crossbreeding hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lash and all she could say was'I 'm destitute .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Father said memory, `` So they revived her with throwing piss at her from sleeping room pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's dung spreading cart up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a reputation from a pistol, of course being a fine lady, ''

Mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobbles and she form of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all sort of filth at her. ``

'' They put a sack around her to hide her nakedness, '' don added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sopor and springy with the hog, she measures out their slop, some say she plowshare it because they do n't course her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' mother said, `` The rube used to like to rag her but they do n't see the point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Wells Beadle has her road mending though, '' Father added, `` Rock breaking, which is human race work really but the jurist agreed it was clean. ``

'' To conceive you wanted to hold your hat up to a common criminal, she 'll have to become a handmaiden or marry a bumpkin, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' Father said because he knew of such matter being a former militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' female parent snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine the Great refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' mother insisted, `` The Henry Watson Fowler 's would stimulate no need of her dower. ``

I knew something was amiss, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' Mother said, `` It did n't seem right when they brought her into the public square behind the dung cart on mid summers day and the odour was something amazing, so last hebdomad they found her clothes from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' Father said, `` Like a bad play, a filthy yahoo in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls fifth wheel carriage, but the low-down orders loved it, especially when the knack man ripped the dress off her and showed the under-things of a fine lady that the lower lodge may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the shit when they bared her pap, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white where the shit flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' beginner asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' well you are a very favorable boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may cause wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' father explained, `` A thousand guineas, eh, sweeten the oral contraceptive eh ! all her demands and lordliness, I remember when she was young you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to mouth to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' female parent suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramp is cleaner and less pathologic. ``

I ignored female parent 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my figure out clothes and borrowed father 's horse for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode preceding slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a crook I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice dawn, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is dainty about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh pushover, pretty female child, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist joint against her chastity belt, `` Or that because I have sharp dentition and a impregnable bite. ''

'' A kiss then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a smock but it was loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not turn tail you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a essence pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have sharp teeth and pointed cubitus. ``

'' Then a heart pie I shall fetch, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you attach to me ? ``

She rattled the chain of mountains attached from her manacled ankle to the sty wall, `` I am afraid I am indisposed. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I know you ? '' she asked.

'' You are lady Catherine of Aragon, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past times animation, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard toil had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An booster, and a meat pie you shall give, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pies ? '' she asked, `` Pies not promises will win my affection. ``

I went away in search of Proto-Indo European, I bought a slice at the Red Lion and a jam tart and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the meat pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so good, fond food. '' she said and when I gave her the woman of the street she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you hope to a greater extent then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the sweet H2O from my flaskful as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my pap ? '' she asked, `` As the yokel do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her breast and bent-grass my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with placate buss take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` sharpness me spite me but do not do it me for I can not digest it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not seize with teeth I promise, you may use my mouth. '' she said and I kissed her replete on the sassing and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not burn. ``
I undid my knickers feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for irregular how her transit might be, all golden fur and prevision beneath the iron strap and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and poke and palpebra, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my script kerchief and moistened it and wiped the seed from her side, `` You should bear allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` foretell me a long passionate buss and you shall stimulate a volaille leg and apple pie adjacent time whirl. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you delight ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a doubtfulness, `` Why did you steal the ring ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his Mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your stake ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no not bad catch, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your proletariat ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty whiplash, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your father ! '' I announced.

'' You are savage with these plot, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's slops than persist your company and eat Proto-Indo European and tarts, deep brown even. ``

'' fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my sawbuck blanket before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding hogback this sentence, all dressed like a valet and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I tell his Grace for I can not recall your name. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too impressed by my attire to agnise who I was and invited me to hold off in the parlour, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom blank out a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you Black Ned the road agent ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed venturer who sought riches in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some luck mining in Cornwall, enough for a causa of clothes and a horse in any grammatical case. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her pastime me not a fig. '' he said more with sorrow than anger.

'' Then you have no dissent if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a courting and a sawhorse and no fortune, indeed you should be a unadulterated mates, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall recover the key to her sexual morality belted ammunition, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pocket, and drew out a silver medal key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your nitty-gritty content. '' he said.

I found a Somalian shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the topic of of a annulus, '' I explained, `` I have a groovy fancy for Catherine and would wish to give birth her whiteness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for rings, '' he explained, `` It brought her ruination, an gaffer of the thirteenth century by its marks I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my room access again should you run with her, and now if you will exempt me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to depart, and to my surprisal as he left the room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a free manus with the ma'am Catherine II, indeed although the light was fading I went to see her forthwith, but she was sleeping contentedly under my gymnastic horse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a Word to Father of the Church or mother but next day I bought joint poulet leg, and an apple pie and some limited drinking chocolate with soft centres containing fine wine-coloured which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it safe for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her several times across the shoulder with a jumpy outgrowth he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to stimulate yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine the Great exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of wimp, '' she smiled, `` Tell me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her sexual morality belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your founder sold it for a Ugandan shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with snag, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall witness a sonant bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not desire me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was antique, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can tell from the marking when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a bauble. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the Judge Grant. He knew of my forefather and so he allowed me an audience for ten minute as he was very busy, yet he called his man to cancel his appointments when I explained the berth and that I was enamoured of Catherine and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the place of origin, the tab from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my remembrance a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewellers to Lord and madam Gower produced a track record that the ring was resized some years ago for lady fowler 's ancestor, '' the judge remembered, `` And he read the assay marks with a spy deoxyephedrine and indeed gave a accurate date of manufacturing some one C of old age prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except Assay stamps do n't give the century merely the yr it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth century from the mode, but not from the marks sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seeded player of doubt Mr Matson, '' The judge agreed, `` A seeded player no more, but I shall defecate inquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went home. Father was in an irritable mood, and after dinner party he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A minor one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every wench in the County will pursue you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a circumstances to spend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall come back what you lent me and more, a hundred Ezra Pound, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis commodity to hear John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver medal metal bar from my room, `` A depository, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his outgrowth while he sought to take advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a mantle and a hot meal, and I worried that the winter weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't Saint John, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My mouth is foul with the Swineherds discharge. ``

'' Poor hapless Catherine, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` lay claim me as your own. ``

'' Claim you ? '' I asked.

'' subscribe to away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are prove innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the first to you by messenger, I engraved With my Love JM inside it, just a simple trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any gewgaw, Francis gave me a delicately antique ring and then denied the endowment which is why I languish here, '' her heart welled with crying, `` So please never speak of gang again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in nimiety of two hundred Ezra Loomis Pound, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so sorry, I presume too often. ``

'' volition you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig goop but delight say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full of split and incongruous in her obscenity, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can love me then that is my fondest wishing. ''

I went home with the failing brightness level leaving her to gather sufficient squealer around her to keep her warm through the retentive cold night.

'' His Honour Judge Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father-God announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the greatest importunity. ``

I went to his chambers with the groovy swiftness and once there I was at once ushered into his mien, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The pack, I do conceive new Fowler may have given it to fille Maisey Fellows, Theodore chap gal, the merchant do you cognize. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my determination are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may query Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall satisfy at Mr Saint George Ratner 's department store, a short walk away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharp mind. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the first light, and when I was woken with a grand breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a flurry of bodily process I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And listen. ``

Miss fellow was a collide with young charwoman, she strode into the store on Haven Street accompany by her housemaid and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` mammy has invited Mr Fowler this eventide. ``

The justice smiled, `` It is your tintinnabulation, '' he said, `` Antique ash grey, very rare, ''

'' A stage from Mr Henry Watson Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester Cathedral. '' the justice said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger's breadth, `` It may let been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dower misfire Fellows the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand pounds or in that region, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the gang to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by turns they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Saami but this was little unlike to those Barrington and I had cast at weal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the shabu and I also examined the ringing, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did calculate very familiar, and plain, I expected a dazzling array of ball field but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The evaluator gave Miss Fellows a receipt for the gang and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the presence of the Judge he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro Stamp, '' I averred, `` See the nick along the butt furrow, I have stared at that adequate times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what mental ability ? ``

'' Miner, cartridge extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own ring I said, `` See here, a doughnut I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their books and peered in them and then at the ring again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro assay part stamp, and that is no old-timer, indeed the two rings could birth come from the same cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my passion HM, the HM is still visible the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servant one-quarter at the emporium, the judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the jewelry maker, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the reserves and we went to the Fellows'habitation and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the house when the judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to oppugn you about an oldtimer ash grey doughnut. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the closed chain from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, add up. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and see me at my chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went family and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad troupe and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a healthy turn of people were already there and I became aware that the courtroom was rapidly replete, the older Mr Fowler father of Francis Fowler was in the seats behind me looking grim and at once tempestuous and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hour the justice shop clerk ordered `` All ascending, '' and the jurist appeared.

'' If it pleases the first sheath is Rex versus Fowler. lying under oath. '' the clerk announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an undistinguished little lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't delight me bring Franics lavatory Hunstanton Henry Watson Fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the jail cell escorted by militia the judge wasted no time, `` Where did you get this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I come up Miss Fellows to show you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us call Mrs fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the attorney complained.

'' Silence ! '' the Judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you incur this antique ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her mother before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the shop clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave lamb Francis for his dearest. '' she replied.

'' The one the lady Catherine of Aragon stole ? '' the justice asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four check crisscross. '' the judge asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient check office and one can not tell in which hundred a piece was marked, merely the year from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The Judge replied, `` And when did the Truro office cease to stamp with the Cornwallis postage and get down to use Truro. ``

'' I have no idea, '' the attorney confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you enlighten us, '' the Judge asked.

'' Some ten year ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an passee anchor ring and lied also that dame Catherine of Aragon stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the justice ordered, `` I order that Francis can Hunstanton Fowler and Lady Hermione Desdemona Ruth Henry Watson Fowler be detained securely until this Friday week when they shall be tried for bearing false witness, and that Miss Catherine formerly Lady Catherine of Aragon Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on charges of theft also on Fri, I shall welcome practical application for bail bond for both issue in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the business concern of the trial of Manningham, Lord Grey 's Gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the theft of a horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at distance the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine, `` How much do you declare oneself ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty dago here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send Word of God, but she will need clothing so pass your ten guineas wisely. ``

I had little prison term so I a few retainer smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham jailhouse when the Militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's adventitia, `` I have come to stand bail '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a make clean dust coat, `` And where shall you take me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have investment firm. '' I announced.

'' Then take me to soap and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwished in any shop so I purchased such for her and a tomentum comb and soft leather carpet slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridgework where the route crossed the Trentham river on numerous small low archway and after tethering the horse she slipped over the breastwork and casting aside her smock she slipped into the breast rich crystal clear water.

She stooped with water up to her articulatio humeri soaping herself and washing herself and the glorious pinkness of her slowly emerged from her pelage of crud and she stood lofty and unshakable bodied with not an ounce of spare fat, her udder sweeping from her knocker like as utter idol, just the cross of the whip trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my manhood stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to ricochet back out delightedly swishing her recollective yellow-bellied straw like hair like a risque retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the grievous bodily harm slowly did her hair regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge parapet curved down towards the banking company and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an minute and more of splashing and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall remove you home, '' I said, `` Your father will be concerned. ``

'' Liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodgment house but when query were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as victor and handmaiden, and as was the pattern I paid for two rooms and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servant that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchant I found her ready in my bed, fast asleep, yet naked as if she welcomed the whimsy that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her respiration and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the daybreak, and woke me with a candy kiss, which I reciprocated, her affectionateness aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with particular caution I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and turn me from your delay. ``

I took detainment of her and pried her legs wide and after exploring her effeminacy with my digit eased the soft sheepfold asunder and eased the purple head of my humanity into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by academic degree and through her suffering which she staunchly repressed so quarter inch by quarter column inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and fast, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstinence and then did I insist on kissing her with passion until my potency returned and I entreated her to allow me to enjoyed her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a Kenyan shilling, and many More shillings for easy lay, I do trust you owe me the good manners of allowing my attentions a few more times. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the pain subsides with drill, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should expect a good few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that impedance was futile and pressed home my humanity against her, and when pressed her unfitness parted like the petals of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft crimp enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her small hair around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher sheet of promised land entirely as she began to moan but with pleasure and not ail, `` I do believe you may be right on, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your erotic love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in lovemaking than Passion of Christ and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted plentiful amounts seed within her to snuff out her interior fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you revel being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any showcase you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our buy with a buss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the promise of two hundred pounds changed his creative thinker, but the Earl was more awkward, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our consultation and struck a buy with the housekeeper and I took away all the ma'am Catherine of Aragon 's wearing apparel for the sum of fifteen British shilling !

The Reverent Pearl Bailey agreed to conjoin us and then came the Fri trial at Trentham Assizes in the Court house.

Catherine chose to wear her red velvet garb with white detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should take in been, to the shock and consternation of the yahoo clustered around the court who expected her to be virtually naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the world rump and not taken to the cadre until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the nictitation of an eye.

'' The pillowcase of Catherine the Great, formerly peeress Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the criminal prosecution. '' the judge demanded of a humble lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the cadre, '' the justice remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall utter up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a simple mistake, and I 'm trusted Mre Fellows and Mr Francis Fellows would magnanimously forgive the girl and release her from her sentence. ``

'' Indeed, '' the jurist ordered, `` Then yell Mr Gospel According to John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the concourse and entered the watcher box as Mrs Henry Watson Fowler stepped down.

'' Your ringing, Mr Matson, please evidence the motor inn where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the truth to tell, `` The one on your digit. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' Show me, '' The judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very much like the Fowler one, did you cause that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for Lady Catherine, it was engraved `` With my dear HM, but the give-and-take have been worn off to bequeath but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The judge asked the Henry Watson Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is clear-cut the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not throw been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine, gentlewoman Catherine II your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the affair and should perjury be proven then at a later date perhaps you may leave the Court with no stain upon your eccentric, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my Carriage, Barrington had offered his serving once again as number one wood and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the Greco-Roman mode of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs toll -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart baby buggy pulled by a matched duad of Grey,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in fermentation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace. ``
he paused, `` peeress Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' wait just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her male parent came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our conjugation ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a Tanzanian shilling, a comely toll, '' he asserted, `` But I can not take in you or her, ''

She set her face like Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiry and when Catherine the Great approved I bought the manor house called Boulby Manor for a veritable song as it was in an unfashionable vogue, and the trustee of the deep Mable Sempter needed a flying sales event and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday trial, the Fowler 's offered no vindication but merely relied upon the indulgence of the Judge so on the Sat we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must be the sentence which their perjurious affirmation brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two hundred lashes and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall last one hundred lashes at solstice and equinox and shall serve gentlewoman Catherine II who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial content she shall choose.

Catherine II looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The metre and escort were set, hoodwink flurries set the market property white like fairyland and made the stage slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the Mother in inaugural, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the steps to the level, she was dressed in her cloak and her lowering wintertime robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her handwriting above her head, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the spoilt bit John, '' Catherine the Great said, `` When they tore my gown off, I had no idea, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is secret, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when Lady Henry Watson Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he shoot down away her dress but he struggled and then it was away and mere under affair covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a chastity belt protected her modesty, as the rolls of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the whipping as her soft flesh split almost the low gear blow.

There was consternation, and the evaluator subsidisation ordered minutes halted, and he came up to Catherine the Great, `` My madam, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your mettle to convert the sentence ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My hubby and I shall adminiser the blows at a suitable rate nightly whilst the madam Henry Watson Fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with vantage serve my pig as I should hate for him to fall from the antipode with a hazard. ``

'' A wise and compassionate mentation, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the point, `` In a feeling of pity Lady Catherine has agreed that the thong shall be applied at her home and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the spot of his aforesaid female parent and consigned to wait on the pigs. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the Henry Watson Fowler son in turn brought up, the hick lost interest but the maids became interest in their routine as his crownwork and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rope round his cuff hands, and then his breeches were hauled down and the initiatory blow was administered across his left shoulder and then a second across his right wing shoulder joint, and he bore it stoically while ten or Thomas More blows were landed and then in the way of such people he began to break down, but it was not until after the first-class honours degree twenty blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a dry pint of ale that the maid had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's bum that the titter of laugh for as the blows landed so his humanity found the gap in his under breeches and reared through the gap though by many standards it was both short and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine of Aragon turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the reversal continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the cry, taken up around the public square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a foul sense of devilment the whips-man flashed the whip between fowler leg and deep into his pubic region and all at once his manhood became exalt and spewed forth such a disgusting grayish means, like three day old milk, that stout cleaning woman fainted.

'' To think I might birth married that ? '' Catherine of Aragon gasped, `` I own six month in a pig sty was in all room preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling genu and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the Gaol to reclaim before a encourage sitting a workweek hence.

Catherine and I stepped down among the inaugural and we travelled home by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to encounter permanent employment with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine II was despondent although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want Father and Mother at my nuptials, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver