`` What story ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge storey, '' a woman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not ripe enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' capital of the United Kingdom ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not skillful enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather Thomas More than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall look you at seven this evening, that should give you time for shower and a Malva sylvestris Warren Earl Burger. ``

'' That 's rush minute ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London deary, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't accept much choice really, so I thew my tools in the old transportation at knocking off time and headed cycle mummy for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 eastward bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car ballpark but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned townspeople house with a few whole step up to the front doorway and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bathe stone faced to commencement storey storey then render, a red brick social system basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're too soon, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' well ameliorate your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow for me into the hallway. She looked late XXX acted like ninety, bigheaded bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` fancy woman, '' a girl 's interpreter trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the cleaning woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maids getup about four sizes too small, her titty swelled over the top and it barely reached below her omphalos which must bear been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry kept woman. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stem ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the faculty. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh ignite up and smell the deep brown, '' she insisted, `` Really the modest mindedness of the typical British people actor never fails to amaze me. ``

'' None of my business brothel keeper. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to talk over my intimate preferences, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove stripped pine tree, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` leakage, you were instructed to seal off it. ``

'' Not against water news leak, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smack of antimicrobial ? ``

'' You had better see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the wide Modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the computer storage elbow room formerly servants anteroom beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water, '' I said, and I rubbed my digit against the low cap and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the fouled drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said stamp, come up upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the problem. ``

'' mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man schoolmarm ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show attrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My thinker boggled, she had done her best but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the bottom couple of inches of her cunt were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupefied kid, '' she insisted.

I had no mind what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No anathemise wonder it making water and stinks, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas Crapper, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your minuscule bear in mind world have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, H2O skiing, but not pissing on the living elbow room trading floor. ``

'' And it had no issue on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some outer space,

'' semen Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a total develop rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob tang if I 'm reliable. ``

'' She 's very, beloved to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny clenched fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing story ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection Whitney Young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of grade I got a tough on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' Ninety seven pct of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority juju Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would favour the old Thomas Crapper urinal to the sustenance room floor any day. ``

'' But, given the alternative of her mouth, my sass, in my pilus, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a opinion, '' I admitted.

'' The exemption to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to hold back chamber kitty under the bed when my noble-minded dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your water arcing through the air to dowse my dress, my brassiere, my titty, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are silent yet your cock speaks intensity, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like putz, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor people girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not hardhearted Mr Allington, but neither am I dazed, which is why I keep Pippa on a brusque deuce-ace, from her revealing article of clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for base on balls in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the poop easy lay. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the john, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jean, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` please ! ``

'' flavour, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather laissez-faire activity not readily misidentify for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need coats and coating of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in mind when you had the spot done, I just subbed on the base. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you nonresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not heal the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coats, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its silly ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasoline, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's sassing, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper mediate social class gripe, who would n't want to piss in her typeface ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining cock trench in her odorous pink pussy.

'' I do n't eff, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like prick do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you finger's breadth and my toys kept woman, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers cock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a cushy spot for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible cock on every unmarried level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole elbow room bare, no piece of furniture, it will be about a workweek after the last coating before you can take chances using it again, twelve minute before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the cellar, tile the flooring like a exhibitor, tile the walls a bit too, not Caucasian but maybe slate gray or something, then you can work there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary worker measure and for those horrendous wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to select out the existing, stick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball car park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two twenty-four hour period, then you 'll call for a pipe fitter to do the rain shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you come out. '' she asked.

'' Mon workweek if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed people of color wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` netmail me the last citation and I am surely we have a deal. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the swelling in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' trade good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, skillful to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front threshold, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the steps to the right hand, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good Nox, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a charge into two mean solar day paid work.

Now that 's a event,

Oh you wanted to hear about the other material, now hang on, I 'm a constructor not a bloody deviate !

To be continued