My outset tribade Experience

It was late. It was raining. And moody. And cold.

The sound of the folk music group wafted down the street from the Flying cavalry as I nibbled at something that might once take in been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in composition board flavoured icteric concrete and stuffed in newspaper publisher with slices of raw potato.

I opened the pub room access as the north chow premier ( and only ) Lesbian anti pedophile lot Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the buggers up"
"String the buggers up"
"There's goose egg as vile as a pedophile, so string the buggers up !"An hearing of three hide chief and an old codger who mistook it for eye mask Nox sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the lead Singer shouted as her banding rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over twenty dollar bill Harlan Fiske Stone, squeezed into extra large blue jean three sizes too small with a leather jacket what had probably been old when the 1st world war was on she was the kind of butch lesbian who got butch lesbians a bad gens.

Mind you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sled mallet handle made me wonder whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking freshwater bass baritone articulation though, pity she was tone deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any darling ?"

"Bit of poetry ?"I suggested,"The gallows tree ?"

"Sit thee down, and rest awhile."
"And watch the lonely pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the breeze, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the shish kebab shop, I don't reckon it counts as food,"I moaned.

"Them fucking bitch hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding chief skinhead announced,"They ought to fuck off back where the semen from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his checkmate asked.

"Who gives a screw, lets have a sing song, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"White cliff of Dover !"

"We'll chuck Pedos over, the Patrick Victor Martindale White cliff of Dover, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them bastards and chuck the rest period over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo barren !"

"You got the words Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Jesus fucking christ."I replied.

"shuffle a fracture disc,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"Need a shit, get the drinks in Nobber."

"Why the nooky do I always get to get the beverage in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ causal agent your on benefits, no one else got any Cash ?"I suggested.

"Fucking hard work, welfare, having to commend to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To booze not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a opprobrious smell, she must have thought she had pulled.

"stinker piss,"I said.

"You can have one Frank Philip Stella ‘ suit I know what your like after a few pints eh Mr floppy !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went bright red,"Ever ready me."

"Fuck anything anything any time ?"John Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. William Holman Hunt the snatch as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a cunt and a beat,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a foyer not a bitch,"I said using my superior understanding gained from watching pointless shag game shows and similar turd on pointless piece of ass daytime TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"fuck off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"50 chaw says you can't."He suggested.

"fifty quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, make it five !"Leigh Hunt the cunt taunted.

"Christ,"Boris said,"I could use a few quid as it happens."

"Oh for fucks sake,"Holman Hunt sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did have a cunt somewhere under the ugly gravid flexure of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her mates and said to hail round and watch.

"So what's your game ?"Nobber asks hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Lesbos sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a share of the CCTV rights more like,"I sighed knowing half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some porn distribution channel streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a portion one dark after curl up.

"Lads what do you take away me for ?"Leigh Hunt asked.

"Money grabbing cunt,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a opulent each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"getting up for its the job,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that scene in Nippon smut Farm three where the Jap girlfriend all strip off on the parade priming coat and set forth doing recitation until the blokes start fucking them.

It was no commodity, me cock did a fair to middling impersonation of a Daniel Chester French S Cargo ( Snail ).

"In the back room ?"I suggested.

"lock the door Sandra,"hunting suggested.

"fuck that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"Right lets do one Sir Thomas More set of can buy me love,"Boris called as she twanged a frightful row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might possess worked better if she had noticed it was for 120 volt not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her strong points.

"Buy me a ball field ring you cunt and you can sleep with me tonight."
"Stick it up me bum you cunt and I'll attain it all seem right.
"case all I want is,"“ destiny of money and Money can buy me love,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

poor people old Macker John Lennon must have been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a fucking pedo round the old oak tree
If he fucking dies its all right by me."

"Who writes this shit ?"Hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its caustic remark,"I said.

"Fucking racist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the priest are pedophiles, ''
"Celibate means the fucking lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well birth been supposed to be the tune to"Danny Boy."

"Christ sake Johnno she'll be on the racist crap next do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug hole as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the microphone, I got a half decent voice, well it was ok trough it broke, sort of split down the middle more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the hayfield, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to greet the dawn
and England belongs to me."

Boris's mate crashed in a few random chords on bass part Guitar which was handy because I started far too highschool

"So bugger the spaniards and sodomize the toad frog, and bugger the old EEC
The all fucking Eurozone can get stuffed 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the Jerry, the culture have all got VD
So lets get and build an atomic bomb and ball up them to buggery."

"And mishandle them to Bug, and blow them to Bug,"

"And boast them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to make a run for it.

"Bloody hell that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up tart with DD tits and blonde hair straight out of a spray can who might give passed for 25 on a dark Night where you couldn't see the wrinkles under her eyes cooed as she pressed her tits against me.

Suddenly S lading turned to frankfurter, well more like broom handle if I'm dependable ‘ grounds I wont see twenty again in a hurry like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the chief event,"I said,"brake drum roll please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind jackass !"the drummer replied but she started smacking Hell out of the tympan skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her skin tight extra large dungaree and the biggest drum roll of pink belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a tiny pair of pinko panties.

Me ardour was fading. ( Posh lingo for me hammer was shrinking, fast )

"control stick it anywhere no one will notice !"Boris hissed as I dropped my gasp and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would stimulate rubbered up but I didn't have clip, and anyway plan A was to shoot up somewhere under a roster of flabby under her belly clitoris but wouldn't you know Saint John the Apostle Thomas went straight for the moist spot. I reckon she must throw fancied the blonde working girl with the DDs Saame as I had.

The flavour of me nude putz head on a moist cunt sassing is much the Saame whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or someone what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the mistake of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking affair I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. Right up, that fucking flab was flabby as fuck and just flowed out the way. She was truly be intimate. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the sense to stop.

"No don't that feels too nice, for fucks sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a wellington boot, it felt too fucking good. It was all wrong and then the pressure sensation discharge alarm clock went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big cheer I shot me load.

"Fake !"somebody cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her pudgy finger inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

Fucking applause all round of drinks, fucking ten Harlan Fisk Stone and a bit weakling and a dyke les. It must have got looked hilarious, like one of them trivial Male spider fucking them huge female black widder wanderer except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay time,"I said as John Hunt tried to purloin away.

"funfair do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of distinction. I flicked through.

"And the rest,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two grand which was fair.

"You really would sleep together anything you fucking insect,"Sandra said.

"Fucking pot calling the screwing tympanum,"I said,"At least I get a grand not a one-half of lager and a few chips."

"Too shay,"she said,"Anyway its rubbers for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"Fucking dawning after pill, is the late night chemist still open ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and orange,"Sandra said,"Someone has to appear after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have triplets we can get a 3 bedroom council house straight away,"Sandra said all innocent like.

"Not that fucking grateful,"I said as Boris decided not to bother trying to force her belly back in her jeans but to stick the spare mike up her twat instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's testicle in his hand,
He's got his cock and bollocks in his bridge player,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's testis in his hand, '' again the the audience joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no room for Pedo's in this land,"they continued.

I'd had enough, I felt unhinged, that was pretty low fucking a ugly butch Les for money, Ok skilful than sweeping roads or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plod but pretty bloody low.

I opened the room access. There were half a 12 uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the Police Sergeant said knowingly,"Off home ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Fri Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tuesday,"the Sergeant corrected,"This Gentlemen is your genuine Black Muslim Gay Lesbian transexual fellow member of every bloody minority the home office has ever heard of and plenty More beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just nookie off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some bloke who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to complain about the row.

Its a comical old world.

And that was me first Lesbian experience .