I arrived at Allerton foyer unannounced, dressed in the classic elan of a landed gentleman while riding in a tolerably sassy carriage pulled by a matched pair of Greys, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my champion masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in hullabaloo outcry `` Are you expected sir, only His Grace is away at the whipping Sir. '' His saving grace indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as lordly manner as I could muster.

'' In the townsfolk sir, Allerton, in the square sir, at the whipping sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by right hand he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the lady Catherine the Great ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to keep back possession of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a penchant for this can ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that mo we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as moneymaking, '' I laughed, `` And not as safe with your drive, you better let me drive ! ``

We changed places and also changed pelage and lid and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a estimable salt lick and swung into the square, thank god Barrington was alert because a boil multitude of man confronted us and if he had not thrust the pitprop through a bike there should have been butchery for we should never stimulate stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a hanging in Bodmin in August, for a great wooden stage had been set up against the Red lion alehouse across from St Agnes church the solid market square was packed with all family and upon that stage a serving wench was being whipped, she was naked to the shank, her gown or shift ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her masked leather clad tormentor, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to obviate his blows by turning away he struck her shapely exposed breasts and the mamilla thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her hands were manacled and uselessly chained together and the mountain chain tied to a high ray of light high above her head word which served to book her so she could do nothing but stand or swing uselessly from the wrist irons from which a lead of ancestry seeped already.

The bunch were fascinate and so fixed in their care that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public whipping was the height of their time of year, and all course of instruction were confront, merchants and peasant, prole and nobleness indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating room set up for the design, the Lord Graham, his son, by his side and the Lady Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine II.

'' We 'll tether the knight and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the carriage through a T turn and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The maid was zippo but a hitch and bloodied mess when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin concession the Judge of the Trentham assizes was mounting the steps to the microscope stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled multitude, `` His free grace Earl Howard told me to apply the law in its broad power, and here you see I shirked not my responsibility, and I commend and command that three calendar month hence you shall gather again to witness the penalty I laid down. ``

He paused for breathing spell, `` Note well that when I exercised lenience by refraining from having the wench transported to the antipodes, I was determined that punishment should never the less be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a heart murmur, `` Have you seen that I Judge Ulysses Simpson Grant am a man of my word and all are equal in my court of justice, that the gloomy maid and gamy lady can expect equation of treatment ? '' he demanded. There was a murmur of approval. `` That the noblewoman Catherine the Great received no penchant when she abused her trust and slip a gaud, as she called it, one that should cost a servant five class toil ? ``

It hit me like a sledge cock, the serving wench was the Lady Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six months has she toiled in the field of honor and six Sir Thomas More shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered lenience should she confess as you all heard, but she will not let in her guilt, will not confess, will not apologise and without contrition there can be no mildness, no leisurely sprightliness as a house handmaiden so shall she go along as the humiliated farm girl until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her labours for her forefather to disown, I suggest she may have found the antipode preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his voice rising to a crescendo, `` grand shalt not slip. ``

'' That 's Catherine ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The girl you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my ears and eyes, `` That 's Catherine. ``

The jar of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce believe it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, dirty bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her pilus was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally cherry and her shoulders firmed and muscled, and then as the forget me drug were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her transformation fell away revealing an branding iron virtue belt.

A great laugh arose and jarred Catherine from her stunned stationariness and she grabbed her torn dust coat around her, desperate to preserve the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her oculus were crying but her tears had run dry until just the snag tracks remained in the vulgarism of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beaut ! ``

'' Do n't jest, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an atomic number 26 neckband around her neck and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a droppings cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that pushcart ! ``

It was a tedious and painful process, but by and by we made advance until at distance the chawbacon riding the pushcart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine the Great aboard so the Ox could proceed at its best pace which in all satinpod was no better than when Catherine had been staggering behind.

Its terminus was his Lordship piggery, set away from the main house and farm because of the smell it was a low endocarp built construction with a Lucy Stone tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and filth lived his Lordship 's sloven, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an iron in the wall which I noted his Lordship agent fastened her Sir Ernst Boris Chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your stake here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most curious as to why the Lady Catherine the Great is so treated. ``

'' She 's no madam ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the residual, '' he said and he tore away the finis of her clothes leaving her nude, `` She 'll get plenty of slop come morning and she can enjoy a life-time of relief, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is private ground. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` nigh certainly, respectable day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of course ! '' I ordered, `` deteriorate me at my founder 's and study the carriage. ''

I directed him the way to my Fatherhood modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking hayfield and pastures my Father of the Church pretended to the world that he owned, yet sadly such was not the grammatical case, indeed there was a clip in my juvenility when my father spoke to me earnestly, `` Gospel According to John, '' he said, `` You are the oldest son of a second son, you have a unspoiled figure but no fortune, so my son it is for you to produce your own fortune, shall you conjoin the Militia, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an explorer and travel the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And marry a princess ? ``

'' No the Lady Catherine II. '' I said proudly, though in verity at that time I had barely rally two dozen words with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's girl ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my God Almighty what a mentation ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my Department of Education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to instal purity of the precious metallic element with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by stage my education progressed until with a loan from beginner that he could ill afford I bought passageway to Mexico.

I had a close summer at home, a brief spell of dances and fiesta, and I saw the Lady Catherine often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not amusement but a ample suitor to woo her, but for the spell my company sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fortune in the New earthly concern and wed Catherine the Great sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not designate to return penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with pecuniary resource or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not disorder Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a short season, you do understand ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the British capital Season starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for United Mexican States but sea sickness afflicted me and it was a great relief when we hit a gale off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore null would stimulate me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

olibanum it was with modest neutrality that father watched Barrington drive the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to view its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as sign that it was as a mere passenger in a hire transferral rather than the man of substance as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` John the Evangelist where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a luck of a thousand Sudanese pound and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the United States 's ? '' sire asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under chieftain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the assailable Ocean I was rendered incapable with the sea nausea, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not tell you that as the oldest son of a second son, you have a good public figure but no fortune, and to create your own lot by joining the Militia, the Admiralty, the church service ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes Father of the Church, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an explorer and jaunt the humanity in search of gem. ``

'' Then it 's a peachy shame you found none such. '' he added.

'' Well forefather I worked the Wheal Claire mine, police chief Trelawney 's brother 's mine and found silver. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out steer seam and gave directions, just above the water he said, and there it was a thin crease and I started on my own with a raft axe and a bundle of candela, and I recognised the silver bearing ore and crushed my own John Rock by wax light light, and made my own acid using my education to the full and dissolved the Ag from the crushed rock and sick my own silver ingots, but the vein was not extensive, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six in one-armed bandit in the rock and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an offering, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old side turned into a smiling, '' I explained, `` He named a price and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver crinkle clean as bass as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro opus by while moulded and cast into ingots and had it 's purity confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed silver and as an aside we made mob and trinket by selective casting and we travelled the jewellers selling trinkets rings and opus of silver and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed dowry of it to selected men of wealth saying there was sliver there and machinery was needed to mine the venous blood vessel any further and I sold portion until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my showtime hoop to peeress Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro check power and I sent it anonymously but within the inner rophy I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should know she was in my intellection always.

'' A pouf history, '' Father averred, `` but come in and have an extra lieu set at dinner party female parent. ``

'' What happened to Lady Catherine ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' Padre said, `` A trinket from Lady Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a substantial silver medal gang, '' Mother said, '' From Lady Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to think you thought to marry her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would let forgotten the unharmed affair of Catherine II would have wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the mob, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a stir, '' female parent said, `` All Society attended, the jurist, judge Grant, insisted that the law were continue for her as for the lowest order and when it was all over he found her hangdog and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her title of respect and whipped four meter at equinoxes or the nearest Saturday thereto and should attend as Lady Fowler 's handmaid for a yr and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a battleground ! '' Father added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the condemnation is to lean hogs, '' mother squealed.

'' And his Grace passed a note to the Judge. '' beginner added.

'' And the Judge ordered her to wear out an Fe chastity belt ammunition ! '' Mother chuckled, `` Just imagine. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father took up the story, `` They dragged her to the cellular telephone, it was pitiful, she came with her father and mother and baby and blood brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his Grace paid for a stage to be built beside the Red social lion and promised fee ale and had the evaluator bring her to the square on the Sat of the equinoctial point all dressed up, but chained hands and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under shift, tearing her garb right away and then he tore even that away so her udders were free and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an atomic number 26 arrest around her cervix like any park criminal and hung it from a beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot rivet, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable annulus, antique silver, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and right in alternate strokes, first he bared her bottom so we could see the belt and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed argumentation into it, an inch apart every inch very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her front. ``

'' Her boob ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her teat, criss interbreeding hither and thither her ams were shackled overhead so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred cilium and all she could say was'I 'm destitute .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' sire said memory, `` So they revived her with throwing water at her from bedroom pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her horseshoe and stockings and they drew the Earl 's dung spreading drag up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a pistol, of class being a fine lady, ''

mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobblestone and she kind of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted veggie and all form of filth at her. ``

'' They put a sack around her to hide her openness, '' Father added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her sleep and live with the hog, she measures out their pigwash, some say she shares it because they do n't course her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and wild, '' mother said, `` The yahoo used to care to torment her but they do n't see the percentage point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The George Beadle has her road mending though, '' Father added, `` rock 'n' roll breaking, which is mans work really but the jurist agreed it was fair. ``

'' To intend you wanted to oblige your hat up to a common criminal, she 'll have to go a servant or get hitched with a yokel, '' Mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' begetter said because he knew of such affair being a former reserves man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine of Aragon refused the fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' Mother insisted, `` The fowler 's would have no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was wrong, but what ?

'' Oh of grade she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't look right when they brought her into the lame behind the dung go-cart on mid summers day and the olfactory sensation was something awful, so hold out week they found her apparel from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' sire said, `` Like a bad play, a filthy rube in a richly embroidered attire brought in the Earls supererogatory carriage, but the gloomy order loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the garb off her and showed the under-things of a finely lady that the depleted orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hiss when they bared her teats, '' female parent added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily blank where the dirt flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' male parent asked.

'' My booster Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' fountainhead you are a very lucky boy, '' Mother opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may have wed a thief. ``

'' He wanted her dowery Mabel, '' Father explained, `` A grand guineas, eh, dulcify the anovulant eh ! all her demand and high-handedness, I remember when she was unseasoned you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not summon the courage to utter to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' Mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a bum is cleanser and less pathological. ``

I ignored female parent 's jibe.

Next daybreak I donned my working clothes and borrowed Father 's sawbuck for a ride to the Earl 's piggery I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my horse and I walked back, `` Nice dayspring, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh cinch, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get ideas, '' She said as she banged her manacled articulatio radiocarpea against her virtue belt, `` Or that because I have tart teeth and a secure sharpness. ''

'' A osculate then, a entitle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill discharge for a smock but it was loose and her breasts were clearly displayed.

'' I can not get off you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a meat pie, and for that I shall allow that you may fondle, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have penetrating teeth and pointed articulatio cubiti. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall impart, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you keep company me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacled ankle to the sty bulwark, `` I am afraid I am poorly. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I have a go at it you ? '' she asked.

'' You are madam Catherine the Great, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past life, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my hard childbed had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a sum pie you shall have, '' I promised, `` And a jam tart if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pies ? '' she asked, `` Pies not hope will win my warmheartedness. ``

I went away in lookup of Proto-Indo European, I bought a slice at the Red king of beasts and a jam bawd and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the substance pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so good, warm solid food. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire more than then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the fresh weewee from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the chawbacon do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her boob and bent grass my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh delight do not frustrate me with blue-blooded buss take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me smart me but do not love me for I can not comport it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me relieve you swiftly I shall not bite I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her good on the rim and she recoiled, `` No your penis ! '' she cried, `` I shall not prick. ``
I undid my rear of barrel feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for s how her passage might be, all golden fur and anticipation beneath the iron shoulder strap and it happened, uncontrollably my discharge started, splattering her Kuki and poke and lid, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the source from her typeface, `` You should have allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` Promise me a long passionate kiss and you shall bear a chicken leg and apple pie next clock time passing play. ``

'' And leave me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to suckle you, for a pie, if you please ? ``

I left her to her labours, except I had a query, `` Why did you steal the doughnut ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his mother insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your interest ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no large gimmick, '' I said, `` But I own I should like to lay abed with you when your travail ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty lashes, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your Church Father ! '' I announced.

'' You are cruel with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's swill than endure your company and eat pies and cyprian, chocolate even. ``

'' transportation well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my horse mantle before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's planetary house, riding hogback this metre, all dressed like a gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your forgiveness sir but whom should I tell his grace of God for I can not recall your epithet. ``

'' Matson, John Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old tomfool was too yarn-dye by my attire to realise who I was and invited me to await in the front room, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom forget a face.

'' Indeed your grace of God. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you pitch blackness Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a failed venturer who sought riches in the Americas and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some hazard mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes of apparel and a horse in any case. ``

'' And your reason for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine II here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her pastime me not a fig. '' he said more with regret than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, crack spousal relationship perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a cause and a horse cavalry and no fortune, indeed you should be a perfect peer, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall encounter the key to her sexual morality rap, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his sack, and drew out a silver grey key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your hearts content. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the table, `` There was the matter of of a closed chain, '' I explained, `` I have a corking fondness for Catherine and would bid to birth her sinlessness proven. ``

'' Oh she had a taste for doughnut, '' he explained, `` It brought her precipitation, an old-timer of the thirteenth 100 by its patsy I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my doorway again should you assort with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the elbow room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite strange, indeed very strange to be given a justify hand with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the Christ Within was fading I went to see her immediately, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse blanket so I let her lie.

I said not a Word to Fatherhood or Mother but adjacent day I bought joint crybaby leg, and an apple pie and some special coffee with diffused midpoint containing mulct wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a horse blanket.

'' She is keeping it dependable for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her respective times across the shoulders with a rough leg he had broken from a tree nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two pence for you to make yourself hardly, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the maid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to quench his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine II exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of chicken, '' she smiled, `` Tell me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a toll. '' I handed the chicken to her and Catherine II gnawed hungrily upon the chicken leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her chastity belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your sire sold it for a Ugandan shilling. '' I told her and her eye welled with crying, she sobbed softly, `` I shall arrogate you when you are released, first you shall bathe and then we shall see a mild bed and then I shall claim you. ``

'' Do you not hope me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you resist me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the ring, `` It was passe, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can narrate from the German mark when the gang was made, for myself I thought it but a novelty. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the judge Grant. He knew of my father and so he allowed me an audience for ten bit as he was very meddlesome, yet he called his man to invalidate his engagement when I explained the situation and that I was enamoured of Catherine II and I had grave doubts about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenience, the chit from the jewelry maker 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my recollection a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jewelry maker to Lord and Lady Gower produced a record that the pack was resized some years ago for Lady Fowler 's ancestor, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the assay marks with a spy trash and indeed gave a precise date of manufacture some C of twelvemonth prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay stamps do n't give the 100 merely the twelvemonth it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or one-sixteenth century from the style, but not from the marks sir. ``

'' You have sowed a seed of doubtfulness Mr Matson, '' The Judge agreed, `` A seed no more, but I shall take a shit enquiry, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his time and went nursing home. founding father was in an irritable modality, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A humble one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every skirt in the County will follow up on you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a fate to drop, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and more, a hundred pounds, but stay fresh it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis skillful to listen John but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a silver ingot from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far Thomas More than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine herd had whipped her again when she bit his extremity while he sought to study advantage and her blanket was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot repast, and I worried that the wintertime weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't Saint John the Apostle, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My mouth is foul with the swineherd emanation. ``

'' poor people poor Catherine, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` Claim me as your own. ``

'' Claim you ? '' I asked.

'' take away the smoothing iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are bear witness innocent, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my ring ? '' I asked, `` I made respective, but I despatched the first of all to you by messenger, I engraved With my making love JM inside it, just a simple trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any trinket, Francis gave me a amercement old geezer halo and then denied the natural endowment which is why I languish here, '' her eyes welled with tear, `` So delight never speak of ringing again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred Syrian pound, after the repayment of Father-God loan.

'' So I shall not delight finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly egg white, `` I am so sorry, I presume too much. ``

'' testament you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig muck but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her heart good of tears and incongruous in her stain, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can have intercourse me then that is my lovesome wish. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to foregather sufficient hogs around her to keep on her warm through the long inhuman night.

'' His Honour evaluator Grant wishes to see you John, '' founding father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the greatest urging. ``

I went to his chambers with the greatest amphetamine and once there I was at once ushered into his presence, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do consider youth fowler may have given it to fille Maisey Fellows, Theodore buster gal, the merchant do you know. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my conclusion are questioned I make enquiries, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may question Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall charge for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall encounter at Mr George II Ratner 's emporium, a short walkway away, '' he ordered, `` Ten sharp mind. ``

I went directly to the George Inn where I put up and in the sunup, and when I was woken with a howling breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a flurry of action I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And listen. ``

Miss comrade was a hitting young woman, she strode into the store on oasis Street keep company by her maid and her mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this evening. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your ring, '' he said, `` oldtimer Ag, very rarefied, ''

'' A present from Mr Henry Watson Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester Cathedral. '' the justice said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss boyfriend the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand pounds or in that part, '' the Mother explained.

They handed the ring to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by go they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr Fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the Lapplander but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal Grace and when they allowed me the use of the field glass and I also examined the pack, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did seem very familiar, and plain, I expected a dazzle array of diamonds but this was simply unmingled, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own ring,

'' Ah, First Marquess Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester ring. '' before I could gather my thoughts.

The judge gave Miss Fellows a reception for the tintinnabulation and asked that he might audience Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the front of the jurist he said, `` I would say this C. ''

'' That is the Truro seal, '' I averred, `` See the gouge along the bottom line of descent, I have stared at that sufficiency times. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capability ? ``

'' Miner, extractor, and a very short Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own ringing I said, `` See here, a hoop I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro stamp. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their record and peered in them and then at the annulus again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro Assay office stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two annulus could give come from the Saami cast ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The boyfriend one was inscribed with my love HM, the HM is still visible the rest gone where the ring was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine the Great anonymously as a keepsake. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the servants quarters at the department store, the jurist, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the jeweler, and afterwards we were joined by Lieutenant Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the Fellows'habitation and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the planetary house when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to question you about an antique silver band. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the ring from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, fare. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and converge me at my sleeping room at nine tomorrow. ``

I went home and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad caller and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The justice was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a goodly turn of people were already there and I became aware that the judicature was rapidly filling, the previous Mr Fowler father of Francis Fowler was in the hind end behind me looking grisly and at once angry and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hour the Judges clerk ordered `` All lift, '' and the Judge appeared.

'' If it pleases the first case is Rex versus Henry Watson Fowler. lying under oath. '' the shop assistant announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your adoration, '' an unimportant fiddling lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't please me bring Franics privy Hunstanton fowler. '' he ordered and when Fowler appeared from the cellular telephone escorted by militia the judge wasted no time, `` Where did you obtain this ring ? '' he asked, `` Or must I summon Miss Fellows to bear witness you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a crime syndicate heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us shout out Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the Judge ordered, `` Mrs Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you obtain this antique ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my female parent and from her female parent before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the shop assistant show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dearly Francis for his beloved. '' she replied.

'' The one the gentlewoman Catherine stole ? '' the Judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four Assay fall guy. '' the Judge asked.

'' My Godhead, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient assay billet and one can not state in which century a piece was marked, merely the twelvemonth from nought to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The evaluator replied, `` And when did the Truro post cease to stamp with the Cornwallis stamp and lead off to use Truro. ``

'' I have no melodic theme, '' the lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you clear us, '' the Judge asked.

'' Some ten class ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an antique ring and lied also that Lady Catherine stole the ring '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the Judge ordered, `` I order that Francis toilet Hunstanton fowler and madam Hermione Desdemona Book of Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Friday week when they shall be tried for bearing false witness, and that Miss Catherine formerly peeress Catherine of Aragon Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on guardianship of thievery also on Friday, I shall receive applications for bail for both matters in my bedchamber after this hearing.

I slumped in my fundament, the line of work of the trial of Manningham, Lord Grey 's Gamekeeper for theft of pheasants and Mister Johns for the theft of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the Judge retired.

I approached and offered bail for Catherine, `` How much do you extend ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty Guinea here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall send word, but she will need clothing so expend your ten French Guinea wisely. ``

I had little meter so I a few handmaiden smocks were all I could obtain, and I was at Trentham Gaol when the Militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunic, `` I have come to stand bond '' I announced and when I paid the bond the guard released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a clean and jerk gaberdine, `` And where shall you subscribe me ? ``

'' Home ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have store. '' I announced.

'' Then lead me to lather and piddle. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwelcome in any store so I purchased such for her and a hair coxcomb and subdued leather slippers then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridgework where the road crossed the Trentham river on numerous small low archway and after tethering the horse she slipped over the parapet and casting aside her gabardine she slipped into the titty bass crystal clear water.

She stooped with water up to her shoulders soaping herself and washing herself and the splendiferous pinkness of her slowly emerged from her coating of filth and she stood proud and firm bodied with not an snow leopard of free fat, her udder sweeping from her breast like as speak beau ideal, just the crisscross of the whip trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my humanness stirred mightily at the pot of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to bound back out delightedly swishing her hanker scandalmongering stubble like hair like a racy retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the soap slowly did her hairsbreadth regain it 's golden hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridge circuit breastwork curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water system and used the key to unlock her sexual abstention belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and more of splattering and frolicking before she felt sporty and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall take you home, '' I said, `` Your don will be concerned. ``

'' liar, he sold me for a bob, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a lodging house but when question were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as overlord and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two room and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servant that evening and when I retired following a good-time but sober eventide with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her ready in my bed, fast numb, yet naked as if she welcomed the opinion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dawn, and woke me with a kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my finger's breadth and with peculiar care I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your delay. ``

I took hold of her and pried her legs wide and after exploring her softness with my fingers eased the soft plication asunder and eased the imperial head of my humanity into her soft wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by degrees and through her agony which she staunchly repressed so fourth inch by one-quarter inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and taut, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstinence and then did I insist on kissing her with passionateness until my potency returned and I entreated her to allow me to relish her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many more shillings for soap, I do conceive you owe me the courtesy of allowing my attentions a few more metre. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The insertion, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my aversion out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the infliction subsides with practice, '' I informed her, `` And with my expenditure I should bear a honest few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistance was futile and pressed home my manhood against her, and when pressed her softness parted like the petals of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft folds enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her small hairsbreadth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a in high spirits plane of heaven entirely as she began to groan but with pleasance and not pain, `` I do believe you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now profess your dearest and I shall be cognitive content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love than heat and in a while her passions overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts seed within her to assuage her privileged fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you enjoy being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our bargain with a candy kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our union but the promise of two hundred Irish pound changed his creative thinker, but the Earl was more awkward, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a deal with the housekeeper and I took away all the Lady Catherine 's dress for the sum of xv Ugandan shilling !

The Reverent Nathaniel Bailey agreed to marry us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham assizes in the Court house.

Catherine chose to fall apart her red velvet apparel with whiten detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should have been, to the shock and consternation of the yokels clustered around the court who expected her to be good naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public seats and not taken to the prison cell until called to the dock.

The minutes were over in the blinking of an eye.

'' The sheath of Catherine the Great, formerly Lady Catherine of Aragon Howarth. '' the shop clerk announced.

'' Is there a subject for the prosecution. '' the Judge demanded of a small lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the mobile phone, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a uncomplicated fault, and I 'm certainly Mre Fellows and Mr Francis colleague would magnanimously forgive the female child and resign her from her conviction. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then foretell Mr King John Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the attestor box as Mrs Fowler stepped down.

'' Your closed chain, Mr Matson, please enjoin the court where you obtained it. '' The justice asked, once I had sworn the truth to tell, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' Show me, '' The Judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very a great deal like the Henry Watson Fowler one, did you shit that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for madam Catherine, it was engraved `` With my honey HM, but the words have been worn off to leave but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is clear the ring is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine, ma'am Catherine the Great your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the affair and should perjury be proven then at a ulterior date perhaps you may leave the court of justice with no mark upon your character, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my equipage, Barrington had offered his help once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the classic style of a landed Gentleman with my beloved in a new dress and shawl procured from Mrs cost -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart carriage pulled by a matched duet of Greys,

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in fermentation crying `` Are you expected sir, only His grace of God. ``
he paused, `` Lady Catherine of Aragon ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her father came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never mouth again. ``

'' But you allowed our trade union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a shilling, a middling price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her face like Harlan Fisk Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made tentative enquiry and when Catherine approved I bought the manor house house called Boulby Manor for a veritable Sung as it was in an unfashionable mode, and the legal guardian of the late Mable Sempter needed a quick sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the following Friday trial, the Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the leniency of the Judge so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The time must play the sentence which their perjurious instruction brought down on the innocent, therefore as laid down Mr Francis Fowler shall be sentenced to two 100 lashes and be transported and Mrs Fowler shall brave out one hundred whip at solstice and equinox and shall serve Lady Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capacity she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The fourth dimension and date were set, snow flurries set the marketplace lieu white like fairyland and made the phase slippery and the hangman stood as whiplash man again.

They led the mother in first, Catherine stared intently, as she was led up the footstep to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her leaden wintertime robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the light beam they hauled her helping hand above her head, and tore her mantle off her.

'' That was the mop up bit John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no idea, no idea at all. '' she said, `` All the yokels staring at what is private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whiplash and when Lady Henry Watson Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her garb but he struggled and then it was away and mere under things covered her and then with rendings and lacrimation her tore her to nakedness. not even a sexual morality belt ammunition protected her modesty, as the rolls of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the flagellation as her soft physique snag almost the first blow.

There was consternation, and the Judge Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine II, `` My Lady, '' he said, `` Can you find it in your heart to commute the time ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My husband and I shall adminiser the blows at a desirable charge per unit nightly whilst the Lady fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with vantage serve my cop as I should hate for him to pass from the Antipodes with a fate. ``

'' A Wise and compassionate opinion, '' the justice agreed and then he returned to the stage, `` In a spirit of compassion Lady Catherine the Great has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home and in gain has petitioned that Mr Francis Fowler should be spared transportation and instead lashed in the place of his aforesaid mother and consigned to serve the pigs. ``

The female parent was thus cut down and the Fowler son in turn brought up, the rube lost interest but the maidservant became occupy in their turn as his crown and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the shaft of light by a rope round his manacle custody, and then his breeches were hauled down and the first base blow was administered across his remaining articulatio humeri and then a irregular across his right wing shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or more blows were landed and then in the manner of such people he began to separate down, but it was not until after the first twenty blows were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a dry pint of ale that the amah had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's buttocks that the titter of laugh for as the blows landed so his humanness found the gap in his under breeches and reared through the gap though by many criterion it was both abruptly and fat it caused immense merriment, indeed Catherine of Aragon turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the coke continued it reared obscenely and his visage reddened with embarrassment.

'' Look, ! '' was the shout, taken up around the square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a severe common sense of mischievousness the whips-man flashed the lash between Fowlers legs and cryptical into his pubic region and all at once his humanity became exalt and spewed forth such a disgusting greyish content, like three day old Milk River, that stalwart charwoman fainted.

'' To retrieve I might throw married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferred. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling genu and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the slammer to retrieve before a encourage academic term a week hence.

Catherine II and I stepped down among the beginning and we travelled home by pram driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to receive permanent employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine the Great was heartsick although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still dysphoric and I asked about it.

'' I want Father of the Church and female parent at my marriage, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never cede