Nozzer's foremost Gay sex.

It's humour not concentrated core.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the peer looking for a few away supporters to remind them that their team may be better at kicking balls but we was honorable at kicking bollock if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on form. He kept gasping for breathing time and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round of golf in, It was getting late, family line was leaving."Keep the change,"I says.

"What variety you owe another ten Egyptian pound fifty,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a good kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us table with nine dry pint and a packet of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to dash her titty, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her cleavage, could receive seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after sonny ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock chamber in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me hair maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"rocket salad Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with sixty bloody channels,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just sank them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer founder to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't hold his beer. Ten pints was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the route when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queers started,"I said,"Some poor bastard couldn't shit so his mate buggered him to loosen it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the lounge bar where respective sharply dressed blighter was sat round. I knew one of them, tool"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a fog of booze smoke,"Anything."

I went into the lounge, They was all there, gay as fuck, all needlelike suits and that. One had a dress on. endearing shade of pinko, pity he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate fancies you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, Vice pope Eric or the Prince of hulk ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly tool up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"well it used to be recall ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the shower ?"

"Oh,"he said,"wellspring what did you wait all those slippery well toned masculine body just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your English or at least having a trial,"I says.

He stared me right wing in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll pic it on me phone, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the lock in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm felicitous with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me posterior and tells Nozzer,"Turns out Nige illusion you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

Lock in started around 11, Sandra locks and bolted the door, hung her knickers on the door knob and started selling durex at ten quid a stroke before she sat on the billiard table, legs disseminate wide and started wanking with a nursing bottle of Newcastle Brown University. Newcastle-upon-Tyne Brown I ask you ! No course of instruction that bint, she had empty-bellied Champagne bottles and Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pinko pussy lips.

thing was she had no takers ‘ causa everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the blokes had their earpiece out and the other lot, them what batted for the other side of meat, had their cocks out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard mesa, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum cleavage when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levis and M & S Wye presence round his ankle joint while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a gracious tint of Green if I remember right. He had a right boner. Mine would hold turned inside out and done a moon curser if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

person splashed some lubricator over Nige's cock, I say lube, it might have been gear box oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to commercial enterprise, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green encompass member eased into Nozzer's puckered virginal asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the tight orifice slowly easing open air from the firm insistency of his rampant penis, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waistline for more leverage and grunted with the endeavor. Beads of effort broke out on his eyebrow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's peter hung down like a shrivel up turnip. The cock in his ass felt honorable, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pints of Stella and a Gallus gallus Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige drive in but something was pushing back. His feet began to steal. His prick was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the stuff of nightmares. Hs rooster was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's bunghole by the dreaded shit python.

"For roll in the hay sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his trouser and landed on his back.

The Python stuck its chocolate-brown nous out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid shaft of diddly oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the topographic point, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big brown snake coiled up make to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

Poor old Nige was in disappear down."Redeemer !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his prophylactic using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh poor people Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bonce,"seed to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a news bulletin of stirring, she popped her left tit out for Nige to go down on on.

"Never mind momma loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a special straw man behind so you can sleep with her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to houseclean the dogshit up, and Nige was getting an hard-on again.

"Want to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front end tush ?"Sandra asked in a unintelligent voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a fresh durex on Nige's prick. She eased around and bent over the border of the snooker table and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her snatch. Nige eased into the unfamiliar tender slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little impedance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his pecker with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was rapt."Man that was the near shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would mind,"I reckon I might twist gay me self if its that good,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"Right,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the piss Paraguay tea,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of tinder and his font absolutely E. B. White,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five British pound by the way."

"Ghogof workweek,"I says,"give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No want to film the piss."

Not the most sensitive of result anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the common thrill.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and adjacent bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her feet on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in skepticism, they couldn't get their point around it. Nige fucking a bird. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more than bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all Night talking about style and fair sex's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every sentence he saw an ass jam he imagined a prick Python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a nice few quid out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his constipation .