This is the first account of a much longer story arc, which is best read in the edict of the List at the end.

It's almost 2 years after the fight of the Golden Gate Bridge. In addition to being an X-Man, Kurt has recently begun pedagogy classes at the School.

displacement of German intelligence or phrases at the end. However, I have tried to make the signification fairly sack up in context.

PROLOGUE : MORNING DEVOTIONS

Mein Gott, is the sun coming up already ? ! Yes, it must be. The windows are getting light. Pfui ! It would be so Nice to remain here in bed, with the fondness of Logan's body close against my cover. Why did I tell tempest I would teach the German class so early in the morning ? I should have remembered how much I hate getting up early, especially after Logan and I spend nigh of the Nox enjoying each former in so many different ways.

Oh well, it is almost meter for the alarm to go off anyway and that would surely have awakened Logan, who does not ask to get up for many time of day yet to teach his risk Room class.

Regretfully, I extricate myself from his arms. I would much rather stay right here to wake up him up in a very different manner.

As I struggle out of bed, I wonder, as always, if Logan is just pretending to be asleep. After all this time, he knows how bad-tempered I am in the dawning. Better to avoid me entirely. I must confess to envying him lately, still snug in bed as I get up, shivering in the early morning chill as the air hits my bare cutis. Maybe it would be in force if I wore pj's ? Nein, I know what would chance if I did. I can not afford to buy a new pair every night just because he likes to undress me with his claws.

I quietly pull the bathroom door closed behind me, heading for the shower. After I turn on the urine to let it warm up up, I go to the toilet. As I stand emptying my vesica, I look out the small window and see the snow-covered trees on a department of the estate. Being on the third floor of the building, I can see for quite a distance. It would be a adorable view if my eyes were not so foggy. Oh well, a hot cascade will fix that and leave me more alert.

Has it really been a little to a lesser extent than two yr that I have been living here ? It seems like forever. I can not believe that I feel so at dwelling.

I shake my brain in admiration as I shake off the last drop cloth of pee, then step into the shower, which has finally gotten around to producing hot water.

Gratefully, I step into the heat of the rain shower and let the water supply rush over my back while washing my hair. I start soaping my chest and the front of my body, then turn around. The sudden encroachment of urine hitting my penis makes me gasp, as the familiar jar of desire tenses my muscles and creates that wonderful feel deep inside me. I play back the memory of the night that is now ending, feeling again Logan's fingerbreadth, his mouth, working on me, opening me with his tool, filling me with pleasure and cum. The ache grows within me. Forget the verdammt class. Let me just go back to Mount Logan. We could -

No, Kurt. hold back it. Stop it right now. tempest will extort you out and hang you up to dry if you fail to look for your category. Most especially so since the students will all have a pretty good thought of why I am not there and what I am doing. Sometimes there are disadvantages to being honest and open up about one's sexuality.

Reluctantly, I turn off the exhibitor, wrapping a towel around my waist to discourage my stiffening cock's obvious intentions.
I get enclothe quickly and quietly in the dim bedroom. case and ties have never caught on here, except for Professor Xavier himself, thank goodness ! I do not even have to wear upon shoes if I do not want to - and I do not.

Just before I leave the room, I go over to the bed to check on the man I love. As long as I am lying beside him with one of his weaponry draped over me, he tends to lie still. However, when I am not there, he tosses around so often that he either gets tangled in the book binding or loses them entirely. And let us not even discuss what he does to the covers when he has one of his frequent nightmare !

This cockcrow, he is mostly raw except for part of the mantle that is draped artistically over his wooden leg as he sprawls out on his back. The blanket affords him no modesty, as it stops dead just below his genitals, as if it wants to pull out attention to them, rather than conceal them. Fondly shaking my head and swallowing my luxuria at this vulnerable video display, I bend forward to grasp the blanket and rend it up over him, only to determine myself grabbed by two unattackable implements of war and jerked forward onto his chest.

"Gotcha !"he exclaims triumphantly, his rima oris covering mine before I can even intend up a retort.

Our tongues are soon exploring each others'mouths, as my barely subdued desire asserts itself once again. I have just started to wrap myself around him in earnest using every appendage I have, when I feel a sharp nip against my backside. Logan breaks away from our buss, a truly evil grin on his face.

"Naughty, naughty, darlin ’. Get going now or you'll be late for class."

"Zum Teufel, Logan !"I curse as I leap off of him as fast as I can, while he laughs heartily."What did you do that for ? !"

"To get a rise out of you."

"Vell, you have certainly done that."I snort with condescension, glancing meaningfully down at the very visible bulge in the front of my jeans."Vhat am I supposed to do about this ?"

"Save if for later, Elf. I guarantee we'll find a use for it then."

He laughs again as he picks up the alarm clock, pointing a finger at it and ostentatiously showing me the metre."Better get going, Herr Lehrer, if you expect to nominate it to stratum before your pupil do."

tinker's damn the man ! He knows replete well how I feel about forenoon, and still he harasses me like this. Then I shake my header. It truly is quite a funny remark, the way he is lying there consummate naked, an alarm clock in his bridge player and a pathetic grin on his face that is highly uncharacteristic of him. I start laughing myself, unable to maintain my anger.

"Later,"I agree, matching his silly smiling with my own mouthful of teeth."And I plan to hold you to that promise."

As I turn to the room access, I hear him say,"I'm countin'on it, darlin ’. I'm countin'on it."


SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT


Often I awake in the middle of the night to the flavor of Logan's hands on my physical structure. It is a delicious sensation, really. Still half at peace and happily drowsy, that fellow thrill runs yet again throughout my being, rapidly focusing inside me, just beneath the base of my stiffening sex.

The warmth of his consistency fitted snugly against my backrest fills me with a mother wit of security and refuge. Somehow, he always ends up sleeping between me and the room access, no matter where we are. I know wide well that he does it to protect me from any peril that may enter the elbow room, and it pleases me that he will place his indestructible body in trauma's way for my sake. But we both know without it ever being said that he himself is my majuscule danger at night, with the sword that spring out and poke as effortlessly and automatically at the imaginary number rage and fear of his frequent nightmares as in the presence of real danger.

Tonight however he is not moaning and thrashing in the grip of his aspiration. Tonight his hand plays lightly over my bureau, tracing the scar intention I have carved into my build, his nerve nuzzling against the back of my neck, his spit tasting my skin, and his nose doubtless noting the beginnings of my arousal.

Quickly, before I can get caught up in the delightful sensations, I say a prayer of thanks to God for having the man that I love more than anything else in this Earth here beside me. So what if we have been having a few discrepancy lately over the solo mission Logan goes off to do, the ones he will not blab about even after he is home ? Even if I have some approximation of what is happening and I dread the day that silence is broken ? feed me the strength to distribute with this, O Jehovah, as I have dealt with so many matter before.

With that supplication, I dismiss the worries that have been feasting on me lately, especially when Mount Logan is away on one of those dire missionary work. Somehow, it will exploit out. I will focus instead on his apparent desire for me, here, now.

From yearn experience, I know what he will do next, his hands drifting inexorably downcast until he reaches my swelling putz, while his hips move, rubbing his own erection against the pocket-size of my back, just above the base of my tail. It feels so well, but I force myself to persist still, pretending to be asleep.

His digit graze the pock design on the irradiation of my penis, but that is not his goal. He moves on, past my tightening sac, until I feel a finger's breadth sliding between my buttocks and rubbing lightly around my anus. The digit deserts me briefly, then returns cool and wet and slippery to resume its assigned task. My hind end, which has long ago angled itself sharply downwards to occupy the narrow one-armed bandit of distance along the mattress between our consistency, pushes down even harder against the plane in an endeavor to get out of the way. The tip twitches slightly as the circling finger enters me.

So far, neither of us has said a Book. If I continue to feign quietus, there will soon be another fingerbreadth joining the first. Ja, he does that now. I can not help oneself but smile. He will not spend too lots clock time on this. Soon will amount his putz to supervene upon the fingers. And I am easily ready for it, ready and eager to find him inside me.

Mount Logan surely knows I am awake by now, but I play the usual secret plan, pretending until it is impossible to pretend any longer. It is not really requirement for him to do this much stretching before he enters me. After all, we have been having sex for almost two old age and I can easily pick out him without the preliminary digit if I am aroused. In fact, I can and make taken him without lube and from a cold start, simply because my body has been trained to relax quickly when necessary. It is not like he has the biggest prick in the existence, you know, although some multitude seem convinced that he does.

Contrary to popular stereotype, all mutant males are not hung like horses, and neither Mount Logan nor I are exception to that linguistic rule. While my member is about mean in length when it is erect, it is rather slender. Logan has a rebuff vantage over me in length, and he is wider in girth, but neither of us can moderate a candle to the distinctive porn superstar.

Be that as it may, he will still infix those fingers, insisting he only does it to wake me up. It feels good, so I do not try to get out him of the habit. Surely now he is finished with this and his stopcock will --


Nein, another finger. Not the usual subprogram. Still, not a job. My anal sphincter is almost as flexible as the rest of my body and I learned long ago how to control it fairly well.

Logan's fingers are far from being goody and small, so by the time he starts probing with his quaternary finger, I can feel it as a bit of a stretch. I could have taken his cock easily to begin with, and he knew it. What on earth is he thinking ?

No more games."Mount Logan, was machst du ?"I ask, becoming impatient.

"Don't worry about what I'm doing, Elf. Everything's OK,"comes the amused-sounding response.

All right, so what comes side by side ?

He slowly spreads his fingers apart. It hurts, but only a little. However, something else about this feeling is beginning to bother me. It reminds me of - of what ?

Logan must have smelled something change in my scent. His fingers become still."Ya OK, Kurt ?"

"Ja. Fine. But vhat are you doing ?"

"Ya know what handballing is ?"

I wake up very fast at that. With four fingers up my ass already, he is clearly not referring to the sport."Fist-fucking, nicht wahr ?"

"Yeah, you got it."

The image of being impaled on Logan's large hand and well-muscled forearm flashes before my eyes. A stab of reverence bang unexpectedly through my heart and panic outpouring my intellect. Every muscle in my body jerking to attention."You are planning to do that to me ? !"

"rightfulness again, Elf."

But he sounds a footling uncertain now. He has to have smelled my sudden fear and noticed the way my organic structure has clamped down around his finger's breadth so hard that it hurts me, not to refer him. He had surely not expected that kind of reaction. Neither had I.

"What's wrong ? It's not like I'm asking you to let me tie you up and agony you."

And he is right. It is not anything truly dreaded. So why am I so tense ? This is Mount Logan, the man I love. The man to whom I give my trunk on a regular foundation, and not always only for gentle and caring sex. He can be somewhat brutal, if he is in one of his moods.

"I know. It is just that -"My voice dies out. I do not even know the ease of what I have started to say.

"Elf, if ya keep this up, my finger will be going numb real soon. You can tighten your sphincters harder than anyone I've ever known. Which is usually a good thing."

I could picture the slightly anguish looking that he would have on his look about now, and the image almost makes me laugh. Determined to stop acting like a terrified virgin, I take a couple of slow, deep breathing place, letting myself relax again.

Logan gives a relieve sigh as he slides his fingers out. He could have jerked them free sooner, but that would have hurt me worse than it would him, and he knew it.

"I am sorry, mein Schatz. You - took me by surprise, that is all. I over-reacted."I shrug my shoulders as if to crap little of it, then release around to present him. Enough of this nonsense, Kurt, you dummkopf ! True, you have never been fisted, but you have had more than enough sexual experience to be able to care such a thing without undue concern. What are you thinking, to tolerate yourself to panic so easily ? There should be no doubt in your nous that you can do it. But do you want to ? That remains to be decided.

I snuggle up against my love's English, resting my question on his liberal and very hirsute chest.

"You have done it before ?"I ask, suddenly becoming Mr. Practical.

"Yeah. several times."

OK, then at to the lowest degree he knows what he is doing.

"Don't worry, Elf. I'm not gon na draw you if you don't want me to. Tell me to stop, right now or anytime later on, and I will. I swear it."

Since we have been together, Logan has done many things that have left me bruised and sometimes leech, but never against my will. There was always a point where he had asked my permit, even if only in a brief meeting of our eyes, so I know he means what he says about it being up to me.

But there is a foreign intensity in his voice that I have not heard very often.

"This is crucial to you, ja ?"

"Very important."

"Vhy ?"

"It's a way for us to get stuffy. For you to experience something very special."

That was nothing like what I had expected him to say. Logan is not the one usually concerned with getting us closer, except perhaps physically.

"What is it I am supposed to feel ?"

"If I told you now, you wouldn't understand. Ask me again afterwards."Belatedly, he continues,"If you decide to do it."

Now I am intrigued. Not only intrigued, but curious and interested. Just the thought is enough to feed my drooping dick a new lease on life. It is more than ready to get hard again, if my mind gives it the go-ahead. In fact, I realize that it is not even waiting for that sign.

The look of center attention on Mount Logan's face is enough to make me decide. He has some reason for wanting this. Maybe he thinks it will fix the misunderstandings that we have been having lately.

"Do it,"I declare firmly, before I can alter my mind.

He sits up, looking down at me through the darkness and shadows that fill our way. A narrow ray of moonshine peeks around one corner of the windowpane, lighting the edge of the bed.

I half-duck my point and glance up at him from under my eyebrows, smiling slightly. He never can defy me when I do that.

"Ya sure ?"

I nod, but that is not enough to convince him. Maybe he can protest me after all, if he feels something is really serious.

"Look at me, Elf. I want to see your eyes. I want to know you mean it."

I do as he asks. I know my eyes have started to radiate. They always do that when I become stirred up or exceptionally caught up in emotion. Very often it happens even while I am praying. I know, because I can feel it as it begins, like a pleasant affectionateness behind my eyeballs.

"I am sure enough. I vant it."My voice now carries the Saame conviction that my eyes do. I do want it. Badly. But I am not sure exactly why.

The strong digit that had so recently retreated from my ass now begin massaging my neck opening and shoulders.

"You're still awe-inspiring tense, darlin ’. Lie on your stomach and I'll rub your back."

As you can suppose, I do not pause to comply. Never refuse the crack of a backrub, especially if Logan is the one doing it.

By the time he gets down to my tail, I have practically dissolved into the shroud on our bed.

His deal finally reaches between my legs to my cock, his finger running again over the mark on the shaft as they had before. I can usually count on him doing that, as if they fascinate him somehow.

"You keep promising to say me what sin this represents,"Logan whispers softly against my ear.

I put him off with my usual answer."I vill severalise you - but not now. Some day."He would just have to be contentedness with that. When the sentence is right, I will recite him. It just never seems to be right.

He slides my foreskin back as far as it will go, touching the tip of a digit to the exposed glans. I gasp.

"I'm surprised you haven't sliced up this component of it too,"he goes on, sounding one-half amused but also half serious.

"That even I could not do,"I tell him, short serious.

He turns away from me and I hear him opening the drawer in his nightstand, fumbling around with something."OK, I'm gon na put on gloves to do this, so don't be surprised."

I glimpse over my shoulder, then have to repress a laughter when I catch peck of Logan's hands in brilliant atomic number 10 light-green nitrile gloves, as he holds them out in the moonshine to register the brassy color."Vhere did you get those ?"

"Where do you think ? The infirmary. Can't say I like their choice of people of color, though. Clashes with your skin."

I did laugh at that."Vhy baseball mitt ? I can not view anything from you anyvay, vith your healing ability, and you certainly can not grab anything from me for the same reason."

"Yeah. Makes it decent, don't it ? We never have to annoy with rubbers."He grinned."But my hands ain't exactly soft and smooth, Elf, and even filed down, fingernails can do damage to a man's insides. You don't heal like I do, so --"He holds up both bright green hands like a operating surgeon about to go into surgery"— safety precautions."

This time, I feel no itch to laughter, which is probably for the best.

"Now lie down and relax, darlin ’. You wan na be on your back or facedown ?"

"Uh - vhat vould you suggest ?"

"I'd suggest a slingshot, but we don't have one. Failing that, on your rear with your branch wide-eyed apart. Oh, and the tail off to your left, so it's out of my way. If ya wallop me with it at the amiss clip, I won't be responsible for the consequences."

I giggle and duck my head teacher a little. ( Ja, I do giggle, especially if I am nervous. )

Logan smacks me intemperate on the outside of one thigh."I mean it, Kurt. Fisting ain't just fun and games. It can be grievous. Particularly with me."

I comply, no longer even smiling. I know very well what he means.

He surveys the results of my assuming the position, commenting only"shucks ! For you, spacious apart is really wide-cut. Good."

"Now listen to me,"he goes on sternly, staring into my radiate eye."If you want me to stop, really block off right then and there and halt in billet, just say, ‘ Matte !'”

"Um - MAH-tay ? Vhy that instead of just block ?"

"Because it's different. arrest can be used by accident, or if you don't really mean it, or for other reasons. matte is the Nipponese command to check that's used in the style of martial arts I was trained in. It's a Scripture I'll react to, no issue what. Got that ?"

"flatness. Ja, I have it."

"That's your safeword. Don't forget it."

Safeword. I have heard about that being used for S & M activities. But I have never had anyone actually turn over me one. I swallow nervously. He is not kidding about taking this seriously.

By now, I am staring at his green-gloved hands and having misgivings about all of this. His nipper -

He sees the looking at on my side."I know what you're afraid of. reliance me. It ain't gon na happen."

Trust him ? That is what it all comes down to in the end, nicht wahr ? And can I do that ? All too often, I have seen him recede ascendency, seen the damage those scalpel-sharp adamantium blades can do, seen the measure of blood dripping off of them when he was finished doing it.

I hear his vocalism in my mind."I'm the dear there is at what I do. But what I do best isn't very nice."With those few word, my buff has often stated the canonical conflict that haunts his tortured person, and our sometimes-tortured kinship, and I am not sure as shooting he even realizes it.

But those hands - with the hook that could eviscerate me in a heartbeat - can sometimes be so gentle and pinnace when we are making making love. I know he would die before he would seriously hurt me. I also know I owe my life many times over to the skill and speed of his so-dangerous hands.

Ja, he could kill me if something went faulty. But demise can pass off at any time. Is this any different, really ? No, it is not.

"Ich vertraue dir,"I tell him softly,"weil ich Wei dynasty, coney ich dir vertrauen kann."

"English, Kurt. I know some German, but I don't wan na have to guess. Not now."

"Sorry. I trust you, because I know that I can intrust you."

This metre, he is the one who ducks his head, so that I can not see the look on his grimace, or perhaps the bust in his eyes.

He comes closer, kneeling on the bed between my overt pegleg and looking down. I feel obscenely exposed to his gaze, the darkness of the way affording me no cover from his acute night vision. He cups my genitals in one hand, squeezing and releasing as he speaks.

"Fist-fucking is about the most suggest matter one person can do to another. It can get to you in slipway you never expected, so don't be surprised or alarmed if you feel strange at sentence. That's normal."

Already I am squirming at his cutaneous senses, my breath catching between my tooth, as I reply,"Me ? Normal ? Not in this lifetime."

He snorts and gives me a sarcastic smile, then sits back onto his genu. My rooster aches to finger his feeling again.

"I know it's hard for you, darlin ’, but try real hard to hold your mouth shut for a spell. All you've got ta do from here on out is get fucked."

His voice has changed, becoming lour and rocky as it always does when he gets aroused. No more squeamish talking to or fairly words, and he will digest no more fooling around. Time to get down to business.

"I'm gon na make you blockade intellectualizing, Elf. Gon na make you finger it."

His articulation is almost a growl now. Definitely not metre for any more of my wisecracks.

He leans forward, looming over me. I close my eyes, as I usually do when he starts getting serious about screwing me.

I feel him rub a generous amount of lubricant on my curtain raising, then he pushes a enceinte ball into me, following it immediately with a couplet of dodgy fingers.

I lean back and sigh, letting him open me. By the time his tierce and fourth fingers join the others, I can find the reaching as almost botheration. He spreads his fingerbreadth slightly. I make an incomprehensible noise deep in my throat, something that sounds a lot like the pain responses so beloved of comedian book writer. gauge what ? Sex sounds the Sami way.

"I love it when you make those noises for me, Elf. I know you're not practically for screaming and carrying on -"

My psyche adds silently,"Because I have been trained to be quiet."I tell it to exclude up. Be here, now, concentrate on this, damnit !

"— so the sounds you do do are that much more important to me. Do it again. It only makes me harder."

His fingers spread wider, but now I have trouble going with them."Nngh !"

"Open for me, darlin ’. fall to me. I need to get within you."

Just as I need you inside me. Come on, Kurt. You have taken more than this before. Go with it. Let it happen.

"Give it to me, Elf ! Your ass is mine and I want it !"

He has folded his thumb to meet his hand now. The pressure is slow and careful, but relentless, as he continues to press into me. Each flyspeck increment seems much heavy than it could possibly be in reality. I can feel his knuckles against my taut and straining asshole. I am about to be ripped out-of-doors. I will myself to loosen, but that does no serious. If anything, I clamp down harder. I am not sure how much more of this I can take.

"Bitte, halt ! Just for a moment,"I am forced to gasp, not really desperate enough to use the safeword.

"This is the defective part. It gets well-off once I'm in."

"I know. Give me fourth dimension to adjust."

He does so, holding his hand in place but not forcing it further into me.

"You call the guessing, love."His articulation is tinged with dashing hopes and declaration."If you tell me to, I'll stop entirely and pluck out."

"I -- do not -- vant that."I am panting now, desperately trying to enamor my breath.

For so long, this panorama of sex with a man has been so easy for me. I could admit into my eubstance what few others could treat, even if there was little caring involved. How can I neglect now, for the one I love ? I have to prove to him how lots I care. I have to go through with this -- But I can not ! !

No, Kurt, you know unspoiled. You know you can. So what is stopping you ? It has been so many years since you concluding had to consciously pore in order to open your soundbox like this. So very many old age since - since --


A memory echoes down those years, like a vocalism I loved - and loathed.

It was my first clock time being penetrated by an adult male. I was six years old and, despite all the preparation I had had, I was suddenly very lots afraid of the huge target seeking entry into my body.

I tried to attract away, but Herr Grüber, having watched us approvingly up until this gunpoint, held me down as his voice admonished me gently,"Kurt, Kurt, mein kleines Dämon-Kind, you know better. One may never refuse a paying customer. And this man has paid a very generous Price to be your first."

"Nein, nein ! Ich kann das nicht tun ! Bitte, Herr Grüber,"I begged frantically,"Make him cease !"

"You can exact him, boy, but you've got to want to do it. think what I taught you,"the voice went on, relentless and insistent.

"Bitte ! Bitte ! Nein !"

"Hush now. Stop combat and relax. Listen to me. You are a swarm, floating through the sky. Feel the sunlight warming you, expanding you. You are soft, jejune, immaterial. You flow from anatomy to influence as the tip play around your edge. You can beleaguer and absorb anything that penetrates you. It's easygoing, floating along far above the earth, far above yourself. Picture it, tiddler. tactile property it."

My body responds automatically to those words, as it has been carefully taught to do. It works now, just as it had worked then, and so many other sentence during my childhood. I feel the thaw, pliant sense datum Menachem Begin to menstruate out from my kernel. I am a cloud, floating effortlessly along -



"Logan,"I whisper as the touch sensation reaches my breakwater,"Now. Oh please, now !"

He pushes gently, then harder as he meets my decrease resistance, twisting his deal just a minuscule. Harder --

-- and he is in, my excuse sphincter now only encircling his wrist.

At first, he holds very still, as I gasp in a strange combination of rest and transport.

"I'm not going in any profoundly, Elf. Maybe when you've had more experience, but not now."

I almost do not pick up him, so caught up am I in the chroma of the moment. His deal is in me. He is inside my consistence in a way I could never reckon, as if I had never been truly fucked before in my life. The sensation is so mysterious inside me. Something has been opened in me that has never been opened before.

"Elf, you hear me ?"

"Ja."I have to concentrate and ram myself to serve."I vant more. Deeper !"

"No."Implacable. Discussion ended. My heart sinks a fiddling."Listen to me. I'm gon na move my finger's breadth a little. say me if it hurts."

His fingers curl slowly. I can fancy them coming together to form a clenched fist."It palpate too vonderful to hurt."

"That's all I wanted to know."He twists his hand just so, and fireworks explode in my gut. So hard do I swallow what should suffer come out as a scream that it is barely a strangled sob. I feel as if I'm choking on the anguished sounds that force themselves out of my sassing. But this is not even orgasm. Not yet. It is just a brief spasm of pleasure that consumes me for a mo and is gone, leaving me wishing for more.

"Figured you'd like that, darlin ’. Now open your eyes."

I do it, thinking he just wants to see how much they are glowing. But that is not it at all.

"Look down here."

Again, I do as he says. Even knowing what I will see, I am nevertheless astonished. My eyes widen and my mouth falls receptive. Seeing the flavor on my grimace, Mount Logan half-closes his eyes and smiles slightly.

"It's not every day you can see a man's arm buried in your ass, is it ? Especially one as large and hefty as mine."

The best I can get by is a nod. I know it, I can feel it, but I do not quite trust it."Lieber Gott im Himmel !"I gasp."dear God in Heaven !"

"Yeah, I suppose one might say that."

His deal motion again with an in and out, twisting apparent movement. I throw back my head and suck in a hint, automatically closing my eyes.

"Ya like that, huh ?"

"Aahh ! Ohh ! Ja ! !"

His spokesperson is all I have to focus on now, as my hullabaloo mounts. He repeats that diminished screwing movement rhythmically, over and over, until the muscleman in my groin are contracting and relaxing in prison term with his hand. His thumb has found my prostate gland and is running back and Forth River against it as his bridge player relocation. My insides convulse around that keen pressure. My buttocks is stiff and quivering violently. I am whimpering now, so closemouthed to release that I can not even form words.

I hear Logan speak, in that ragged, gasping way that means he is near to orgasm also."Come for me, Elf. Come for me !"

I am thrusting my rosehip rapidly, in time with that peaking rhythm method of birth control. There is nothing in my world but sensation, only his hand and my vibration innards and straining penis. The longing is almost unendurable, my mind blank to any other feeling but the need to fall over this torturesome edge. Oh, please ! Almost there. Almost -

His tongue runs up the underside of my cock."Ja ! O ja ! !"The remainder of what I have to say comes out as a crisscross between a moan and a belly laugh, as I come for him, my brawniness clenching convulsively around that punishing fist invading my ass as I ejaculate.

Logan is much louder when he comes. As I begin to relax, my intellectual brain asserts itself once again. I open my eyes and expression at him, his body leaning forward over me and his free people hand wrapped around his spurting cock, as his cum joins mine on my abdomen and chest.

I watch my lover's font as he too recovers. His manus is motionless inside me now. He opens his eyes and meets mine, then gives me that shit-eating grin that is never seen except at times such as this. We are both pulling ourselves back together after the chroma of the experience, breathing hard and covered with sweat.

"So how do ya feel ?"he asks at last.

commodity question. How do I palpate ? Can I even begin to delineate the indescribable ?

"I vish you could gain so far into me that you could hold my pump in your hand."

The shit-eating grin got even More smug."Ya see why I couldn't explain it before we'd done it ? It wouldn't mean anything unless you've felt it yourself."

"Vhy, Logan ?"

"Vhy vhat ? I mean, why what ?"

I ignore that first function. He often teases me about my accent by imitating it."Vhy did you vant to do that to me ?"

He looks up at the ceiling, a slight scowl narrowing his gloomy eyes. It takes a while before he can say anything, and the offset is not too promising."Uh - Kurt ?"

"I have not gone anyvhere."

"What we're doing - some people say it's a touching and interlocking of souls."

Mein Gott ! He wanted something that intense between us ? He could get just told me. No, he could not, not him. Not in Scripture, but only in the way he is accustomed to saying such things : through sex.

At a passing for a reply, I stare at him dumbfounded. When he meets my gaze, I know he can see far more in the violent gleaming of my oculus than I would ever be able-bodied to put into Scripture. Perhaps that is how it should be between us. Words, after all, are limited. beloved is not.

"I did not think you even believed in a mortal,"I say softly.

"Probably not the Lapp way you do, Elf. But we've all got something inside us that seems to be the canonic realness of the self. That's what I mean by the word."He smiles somewhat crookedly."Can I get away with using it like that ?"

I nod.

"Good. But enough talking. I'm not done with you yet, darlin ’. Not by a long guess. Lie back, close your heart, and block thinking. Oh, and learn the tail, will ya ? I've already had to swat it out of the way various times."

"I vill try. But I do not know if I --"

"Shh, Elf. Don't talk. Just feel."

He opens his script and I feel his finger tickling me trench inside."Ahhh !"

"That's better, darlin ’."

After that, I lose data track of everything. How long I laid there impaled on his arm, I do not have a go at it. It is all one yearn stream of unconvincing sensations. All he has to do is move a tiny bit, in or out, up or down, and it strikes new Muriel Spark inside me.

It is like a constantly pulsing spasm, but it does not end. Like an coming in ho-hum motion, waxing and waning, but always there. various times it gather and meridian as I fall yet again into the brief ecstasy that is all we can make out of heaven while we are here on earth.

Once I hear the spokesperson of Herr Grüber speak to me out of the past. I struggle against it, telling him to be calm, go away, leave me in peace. But it does not work. He will not be silenced, and I must see him tell me what a in effect boy I am, how much I have pleased him, that I am his wanted devil-child, who will work him lots wealth with my organic structure. I want to confine my ears to keep the voice out, but I can not. Instead, I focus on Logan, whose deal is moving untiringly, inflaming the lustfulness inside me. Logan, my Quaker, my companion, and my dearest. The yesteryear means nothing. It is over. Yes, I know these memories will demand to be dealt with, but not right now. I want to scream. Perhaps I do scream."Go avay ! Go back to Hell, vhere you belong ! !"

And he goes, Gott sei Dank ! I return to my contemplation of pleasure.

I can not state where I begin and Logan ends. This constant sensation becomes my reality and I float blissfully within it. I lose touch with post and time, and exist only in this comfy and comforting wickedness. It pulses around me and inside me, like my split second. At clock time it seems to be the heartbeat of the total cosmos.

Eventually I give up on words and just allow the opinion to wash over me and engulf my senses.


Slowly, I become aware of Mount Logan's representative, calling my name.

"Kurt ? Yo, Kurt ! Ya with me ?"

"Ummm. Ja ?"I manage to answer, resenting the disturbance.

"I'm gon na start to pluck out now."

"Nein !"

"Ja, darlin ’. You've had enough for your first off time. I can differentiate from how you feel inside. Don't worry, I'll do it material slow. It won't be anything like it was going in. You don't need to push or anything. I'll do all the work."

But I do not require this to contain. I want him to be forever in me, as he is now. As I feel his hand slipping out by diminished increments, I do not want it to be over. Yet I know it is no use protesting. He will do as he thinks he must, and he is probably mighty. Nothing can lowest forever. But, oh ! if only this one matter could !

And all this because a man has pushed his mitt up my ass ? How could such a thing bring this lots pleasure ? If it had not been Logan, would it still feel this way ? Yes, but no. The physical sensations might well be the Lapp, but it is the trust and love between us that let me give myself to him so entirely, leaving me gratuitous to savour it without fear or reservation.

Sex can mean everything and sex can entail nothing. It can have in mind your greatest love or it can mean just a way to ingest some fun. It can be intense physical joy or something you feel you have to forge. It can even think of pain and humiliation if you lean in that direction. It can be selfish or selfless. It can be a dull tariff or an exalt experience of holiness ; a financial transaction or the lone thing that gives your life substance. It can think of biography or death.

And all that is only what I have seen and known in just my own lifetime. I am sure there are more meanings I have yet to discover, as well as some I may never find oneself. All I know is that having his handwriting inside me is the most incredible matter I have ever felt. And I know how practically it means to me, on many dissimilar layer and in many dissimilar ways.

I feel the stretch as his manus prepares to bequeath my body, but it is not nearly as atrocious as it was going in. Yet I do not want this to bump. My consistency responds to my emotions automatically, and my brawniness clench around his hand, as if trying to go along it there.

"Elf, the tail ! Stop it right now ! Relax !"

I realize my tail is trying to lash from side to side in anger and discouragement, but since I'm lying on my spinal column and it is angled over on my go forth side, the closelipped it can come is whipping back and Forth River in movement of me. Before I can even react, Logan jerks his right helping hand out of my ass, simultaneously grabbing my tail near the end with his remaining hand, holding it away from him in an implacable grip.

By now, I have opened my eyes and begun to squelch the emotions that had clouded my mind. I become aware of the stinging in my nether realm, where he had pulled his bridge player loose despite my tightened sphincters.

"That hurt,"I start to protest, but then I catch sight of his right mitt, held rigidly down by his side with the blades extended."Uh - never mind. I am fine."

He retracts the blades, wiping his hand across his fount to get the blood out of his optic. There is a very smutty slash across his forehead. The boundary of my tail must have done that.

He shakes his head with the footling obliquely jerk he uses when he is trying to dismiss some damage he has taken.

"darn ! I'm beginning to intend I'm the one who needs a safeword, not you."

"Tut mir so leid,"I apologize, glancing down."I do not love vhat came over me."

"I do, darlin ’. I told ya, fisting could make a man smell really strange, remember ? No telling what a person will do under those circumstances."

I know he is trying to make me feel better, and it does help a little. I still feel pretty dumb though."You can let go of my tail now,"I mumble.

"Ya sure ?"

"I am sure."But my brain is still bent in shame over what I have done to him. It could as easily have been his eyes.

In the moment of muteness that follows, I become very cognisant that his paw is no longer inside me. Where there had been fullness, I am now only empty and bereft. A part of me seems to be missing. I feel a strange combination of sodding satiation and furious hungriness, heartbreak and high spirits. I am confused. What did I feel ? What do I feel ? Ich weiss nicht.

"flavour at me, Kurt."

I force myself to obey that still command, staring him to the full in the face and smiling tentatively. The cut on his forehead is already closing.

"Damn, but I love it when you look at me like that, with your eyes so full of fortunate light."

I have a sudden urge to elude my nous again, but I push it resolutely aside. Good matter I did, as he leans forward and buss me. If I had ducked at the Lapp time, I would probably have broken his nozzle. I kiss him back, of trend, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him down on top of me.

Eventually we break the kiss and decide a shower would be a good affair for both of us. By the sentence we are clean, dry, and again lying in bed together, the pale illumination of early cockcrow shows at the window, beginning to brighten our elbow room. I think about having to get up and teach a course of study, but then I recall that it is Sunday. No classes. No need to get up at all, if we do not need to. And right now, I definitely do not want to. I am not yet gear up to face the routine world outside of our bedroom. I search for the quarrel to say, to severalise Logan what this past night has meant to me, but before I can come up with anything, he clears his throat and beats me to the punch.

"Uh - Kurt, beyond that stuff I said earlier about intertwining soulfulness, there's another reasonableness I wanted to fist you."

I keep quiet, hoping to further him to go on.

"Like I said, I know what it can sense like. I - I wanted to know if it would be the same for you."Uh-oh. He is looking at the ceiling, not at me. He is going to say something he is not comfortable with."I hoped it would be."

Is he saying what I think he is saying ? I had assumed he only knew in the theoretical sense of the Son, not from his own experience of being the one on the merchantman. I can not help but try to incur out."How vould you know how it feels ?"

"How do ya recollect ?"He is still staring resolutely at the ceiling.

"I find it hard to think you vould let someone do that to you. After all, you are only very seldom villing to let me be the top in ordinary sex, much less in anything like this."I add quickly,"Which is usually fine by me, of course."

There is amusement in his vox, and his eyes finally gather mine as he answers,"I have let them. Several times."

OK, so I was wrong. That happens sometimes."Really ?"

"Yeah, really."

Even now, Logan can still storm me. I of all people should bed that it is simply impossible to guess what a man, or a fair sex, will do in bed on the ground of how butch, or unmacho, they look or act in their regular lives.


"I've only done that with a few very particular individual, Elf,"he adds as I stare at him, once again too taken aback to come up with a quick or clever reply.

All right, he is in an unusually confiding modality just now. Do I dare to rear the stakes ? Worth a try."Vill you let me fist-fuck you ?"

For once, I have surprised him.

"Um - fountainhead -- It wouldn't be quite the same for me as it was for you, you know, since it's not possible for you to harm me that way."He sounds as if he is temporizing, giving himself time to think of what his reply should be.

"I realize that."

"You really want to do it ?"

"Ja."For him, the corporate trust would mean something else. I could not hurt his soundbox even if I wanted to, but I could very easily hurt his heart with nothing more than my words. He would have to trust that I would not face down on him for being made so vulnerable. It could mean a terror to his masculinity, that it might somehow alter him in my eyes, if I were the one doing such a affair to him. He would have to be unforced to forego ascendancy of the situation to someone else. Yes, he said he had done it before, but he did not say with whom. Whoever they were, they might well have been more"especial"to him than I am. Or at least Thomas More of a individual to whom he would feel comfortable relinquishing control than I am. Say perhaps his martial humanistic discipline Master, or some other much-revered man. Or woman ?

It will not crush me if he refuses, but it will not enthral me either, so I wait anxiously for his response. It is a long time coming.

"Don't you think we've both had about decent for one night ?"

No, I am not letting him off the hook so easily."But some day ?"I persist.

"Yes, I will. I'll let you - but not now. Some day."

Again, his reply surprisal me. Perhaps it should not, considering that it is almost the same answer I always give him, when he asks about the sin carved into my phallus.

"But the vay you just did it to me : ve vill do this again also, ja ?"

"Sure thing, if that's what you want."No falter there."But not on an routine basis. This is a special thing between us."

"And special things die vhen they become subprogram, nicht wahr ?"

"Ya got it."

We are quiet again, as the room continues to gather in the ignitor of the rising sun.

"Uh - Elf ? -- There's another peculiar thing between us that won't die."

"And vhat is that ?"

"existence in your arms and in your consistence is the closest I'll ever get to God. No affair what happens between us, darlin ’, never leave that."

Astonished, I squeeze my middle closed and try to swallow the tears of joy that threaten to well over, knowing Logan would not appreciate my dissolving into a sodden hysterical fit of euphoria. I can think of nada else to do other than wrap myself around him in every way I can, and surreptitiously wipe my bout away on his wide and hairy chest.






German interlingual rendition

Mein Gott My God
Pfui ! Phooey !
Verdammte damned
Zum Teufel ! To the daimon !
Herr Lehrer Literally : Mr. Teacher
Was machst du ? -- What are you doing ?
mein Schatz -- my treasure ( my dearest, my Darling River, etc. )
Dummkopf -- Dummy, fool
nicht wahr ? -- isn't it ? ( Literally : not true up ? )
Ich vertraue dir, weil ich Wei dass ich dir vertrauen kann. --
I trust you, because I know that I can swear you.
Nein, nein ! Ich kann das nicht tun ! Bitte, Herr Grüber ! --
No, no ! I can not do that ! Please, Mr. Grüber !
mein kleines Dämon-Kind -- my trivial demon-child
Bitte ! Bitte ! ! -- please ! Please ! !
Lieber Gott im Himmel ! -- Dear God in nirvana !
Mein Gott ! -- My God !
Gott sei Dank ! -- God be thanked ! ( Thank God ! )
Tut mir so leid -- I'm so sorry
Ich weiss nicht. -- I don't know.


STORY ARC - In Order

Morning cultism
Something a picayune Different
As the twig is Bent
Pray for Us Sinners
With aught on My Tongue
You Win, Elf
Hell Hath No furiousness
Let's Pretend