Anna was going to appease with me for a calendar month, but that month turned into two. Then three. Now the new year was approaching, and she had not left yet. I did not care, of course of instruction, as I was madly in honey with her, but the dubiety had consumed me. Was she a roomy ? Friend ? devotee ? More ?

The time to have"the talk"was that kickoff week, after she blew me twice. But we did not. She blew me a few more times, and I ate her out, and yet we never really discussed the contingent of our relationship. Anna did not seem to mind - she clearly did not want it defined - and I pretended not to as well, though it killed me.

Then the window closed. She met Clive at a trade meet in early on November. They went on a date. Then two. Then three. Soon she was no recollective sleeping in my bed, and we were certainly not fooling around. She did not even come plate a few nights a week. Fucking Clive.

We'd still hang out, and she'd say affair like,"God, you're such a large guy. You deserve to fulfill someone."It killed me. I DID merit it, she was rectify. And I had met her. Unfortunately, she had met Baron Clive. Fucking Clive.

By December she was talking about finalizing the divorce from her hubby and finding her own post in the new year. She was very bring in that she felt like she was a onus to me, and that she"owed it to me"to get out. I was JUST as bring in that I didn't care. But I knew it wasn't really about me. It was about her. And fucking Clive.

I felt like I had a shot at Yule. Baron Clive was going to his parent's home in Colorado. Anna was driving to conform to him on Dec. 26, but she had no plan for Christmas day. I blew my own parents off and pretended I, too, had nothing to do. I suggested we stay in and salute wine-coloured and watch TV. She agreed.

I knew the gift I got her was of import. I mean, just getting her a present was not enough. I needed a command. There's a difference between a friend gift and a devotee endowment. I wanted to get her a lover endowment. I wanted a sleep together content to be sent in big, bold face, chapiter, thank-the-baby-Jesus letters. No doubt. No confusion.

I got her a pair of rhombus earrings. It was the kind of thing she'd never get herself. I wrote a speech, too. I had facts on how foresightful it takes a diamond to be formed, and how attention and precision and portion had to be exactly right for it to happen. It was a miracle, really. And just as marvellous, I segued, was how much she meant to me. I explained that I had loved her for almost of my biography, and I wanted to show her how limited she was. I had this memorized and tucked in my sack, in case I stumbled. It was my mo. I didn't want it to go wrong.

BBBBUUUTTTTT … just in case, you know, I got a safe giving : ardent socks.

So on Christmas Day day, we were finished with bottleful two. She got that happy-kid grin on her boldness and said she had gotten me a present. I told her I had gotten her one, too. She asked if I wanted it now. I said yes. She smiled big and popped up and ran in her room. She was empty-headed. I grabbed her two giving and put them behind my back, under the cushion, almost certain I would give her the lover gift, BBBBUUUTTTT … just in face, I put the wind sleeve back there, too.

Five minutes later, she came back to the living room, tears streaking down her look. Baron Clive of Plassey had hidden a piddling wrapped box in her nightstand. She had just found it. It was a pair of endearing baseball diamond earrings. She glided around the elbow room, calling him on her cell to tell him how much she loved them. I swallowed my tongue. shtup CLIVE.

I opened my gift : A $ 40 gift card to GameStop. I gave her the wind sleeve. I had lost the engagement, the battle and the war.

***

I had very specific program for New Year's Eve : I was going to booze heavily. This is how heavily : I went to the liquor store and bought a fifth of vodka. As I was about to check out, I looked at the 70-proof bottle of gimcrack hootch and though,"Hmm, is this adequate ?"I bought two. And I don't even pledge vodka.

I really wanted to Black out before Ryan Seacrest showed his roll in the hay tanned face on the screen door. Baron Clive of Plassey looked a bit like Seacrest. blonde hairsbreadth. Highlights. Short. Perfect grin. Extremely nice and polite and enamour and funny. He had always been sweet to me. A existent gentleman, actually. I hated that guy.

I poured myself a large glass of liquid poison. When I say I am not a vodka guy, I mean that. I never drank it straight. It smelled like rubbing alcohol. Still, I had a destructive run that was pointing right at my liver and belly. I tried to ignore the smell and took a big gulp.

My esophagus was still burning when my cell rang. It was 8:03 p.m. I thought about ignoring it, but I glanced at the caller ID. Anna.

"how-do-you-do ?"

"Is this a bad metre ?"she asked. She sounded distant.

"No. Why ? You OK ?"

"Um …"her spokesperson cracked. I could tell she was choking back tears."I, uh. Are you house ? Are you out ?"

"I'm plate. What's up Anna ?"

"Could you … beak me up ? I mean, I hate to ask. It's just. Robert Clive he, uh … we had a scrap. You know ? I just require to get home and I left my debit lineup at household and I can't get a cab and I don't have anyone …"

"No, shh. feel, it's cool. Where are you ? I will leave now."

***

Anna did not talk much on the way home, just a few thank yous. By the metre we got back to the flat, it was a lilliputian after 10. She looked stunning, even with her physical composition running down her cheeks. Her nasty jet frock hugged her breaking ball. I felt underdress, what with my dungaree and a t-shirt.

She went back to her room, only to reemerge a trivial before 12. Her hair was up, makeup off. She wore her cow PJs and a miserly T. I wanted to kiss her. It was the outfit she wore the second gear night we were together.

She sat down beside me on the couch. She had a wine Methedrine in her hand and motioned toward my bottle of vodka, which I had not touched since we had gotten back."May I ?"

She filled her glass up and sank back, her fundament curled under her. Her center were red, but she was no longsighted crying.

"Do you need to sing ?"I asked.

"No,"she said."Yes. Maybe. God. You probably think I'm such a fucking idiot."

"No. No I don't. I won't."

"First my husband, now Clive. I must have a special draw to assholes."

"What did he do ?"

"It turns out he wasn't visiting his parents in Colorado over the weekend … but his wife. She called when he was in the bathroom, and I picked up his cell. She was as surprised to retrieve out about me as I was to detect out about her."

"Wow,"I said.

"Yeah, well. Anyway, when he got back, I confronted him and he had the brass to get mad at ME for ‘ snooping.'He left me there at the order. No money. No ride. Fucking Clive."

She slipped slowly at her crapulence, grimacing with every swallow.

"And the thing is … I KNEW it. I knew he was a fabrication serpent. I sensed it. I tried to block it out. There was just something so … fake about him. I don't know. Something fake. God."

"He looked like Ryan Seacrest."

Anna looked at me. Sort of stared. Then a snort. Then a full gag. I started laughing, too. She spilt a lilliputian of her drink on herself and laughed More. We were both repeat over.

"God,"she said, wiping the tears away."You are right. I was dating Ryan Seacrest ! I am such an idiot. Jesus."

"Anna, you are being too hard on yourself …"

"Stop."

"I mean it. Look, you WANT to hump someone. You want to so badly that you ignore the bad matter. There are spoilt qualities."

"Like what ?"

"Like NOT wanting love. Like being closed off. Like giving up on Leslie Townes Hope and destiny and all that other fairy tale stuff. Listen, you should never be ashamed about your desire to be well-chosen and to want the best in others. We live in a cynical world. We need more ‘ you,'less ‘ them.'”

She smiled and curled up beside me, resting her forefront on my shoulder joint."You are a safe friend,"she said. My heart sank. I was such a gull. It was five money box midnight.

We watched Time second power on TV in silence, Anna taking the occasional sip from her vino methamphetamine. Her head stayed on my shoulder. We watched the countdown, the glad faces screech and yelling. When the clock ticked one second, Anna turned and gently grabbed my head, kissing me, tenderly. I had kissed her before, but nothing was like this. It was sweetly and gentle and carry with meaning. For me.

She pulled away and bit her lip, her mitt caressing my cheek. She put down her wine glass and started to move, straddling me.

"No,"I said, jumping up and hopping across the way."No. No."

"What's wrong ?"she asked.

"You can't do that."

"Sorry."

"It's not fair."

"What ?"

"THAT. Again."

"What ? Kiss you ? I thought you liked that ? We're friends. It's OK …"

"FUCK Anna. We are NOT ally. We're not. I mean, we are. But … you HAVE to know I love you, right ? I mean, you are a impudent daughter. You are fucking brilliant. You KNOW I love you. I've never said it, but you know. You know !"

"Tom …"

"Don't say it, Anna. Don't say we're friends. I can't make it."

Tears were in her center again. I couldn't flavor at her. I felt myself welling up."But we are."

"Why, Anna ? Why Robert Clive and all the others but not me ? Huh ? Why not me ? You want someone to be intimate you and treat you aright and be there for you ? It's me. It has always been ME."

Anna took another sip of her vodka, running her hand through her whisker and pinning it back. I looked at her, briefly. I could not support a gaze. I was embarrassed at my emotions. I was afraid I had changed everything.

"I know you love me,"she said."I'm not blind."

"Then why ? Huh ? Why not me ? Why not us ?"

"I can't …"

"piece of tail, Anna. You can. You owe me an explanation."

"Tom …"

"You have never been afraid to say what you feel. Don't start now."

"I guess I was afraid that if I lost you, then I would let no one left. And I am selfish. OK ? I am the asshole."

I moved to her, sinking on the couch. I folded my mitt across my chest.

"Anna, you ARE going to lose me. I am not doing this anymore. I need you in my liveliness, but I can't sit back and sentinel you day of the month guy after guy. Marry them. Then come to me with your problems. I can't. I know I can be the man for you. I know I can give you what you want. And I can't sit back and find out this parade of losers. I can't be your safety net."

"I know."

I covered my centre with my hand, rubbing them. I had not cried since Tommy Craig punched me in the nose in 8th grade. I brushed the hair back, off my frontal bone. It felt punishing in the room.

"I am dark to do this tonight, Anna."

"No …"

"I could've waited."

"Don't apologize. I should."

Anna reached out, taking my hand again. She pulled it to her pectus, against her centre. I turned to look at her."Kiss me,"she said."candy kiss me. Let's figure the relaxation out later. I promise. I want this. Please ?"

I swallowed hard. Anna was a fixer. She hated nuisance in people. I wasn't sure if this was really or her way of healing a wound. But I was washy. I leaned in and kissed her.

I have had sex lots, but I am not sure I had ever made sexual love to mortal. I had never connected with someone on a primal level. But I did with Anna that night. It was aristocratical and raw and worked up. On my sofa. As Ryan Seacrest spoke in the background.

I stripped her clothes off and gazed at her, drinking her in. She gently stroked my cock as I wrapped her peg around me. I eased into her, slipping my weaponry around her waist so I could pull her tight against me. It was the first time I had been completely inside of her. I tried to piddle the consequence last.

Our organic structure responded to each other. When she thrusted, I pumped. When I pumped, she squeezed. Her lips never left mine. I could taste the salt from her tears on her lips. Her clapper was aggressive but soothing. When she came, she sank her nails into my back and kissed me hard. She said my public figure and I froze inside of her, fucking her gently as she rose and fell.

I was closed. I asked her where she wanted me to cum. She said inside of her. She said she was on the oral contraceptive pill. I looked at her as I got close, pulling my fountainhead back so I could see her eyes. She stared back. We connected. I smiled slightly. So did she. A smile of credit. I kissed her as I came, my cock exploding into the abyss of happiness and contentment.

Afterwards, we lay on my couch, wrapped in a blanket. Her stage wrapped around mine, her head on my bureau and her fingerbreadth playfully running through my hair.

"I think this alteration everything,"she said, looking up at me.

"I am OK with that,"I said, still not fully capable to appear at her."Are you ?"

She smiled."Yes,"she said.

"And I'm sorry,"she said, a few sec later.

"Why ?"

"I was selfish. I was a bad friend."

I smiled, my mind raced. I squeezed her and pulled her tight."It's OK,"I said .