`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high up above Magdelene Street while
answering my cubicle phone.

'' The lounge flooring, '' a cleaning lady with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' capital of the United Kingdom ! '' she said.

'' That was week ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather Sir Thomas More than a shadowy promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall ask you at seven this evening, that should give you time for shower and a cheese Warren E. Burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have a great deal choice really, so I thew my creature in the old transportation system at knocking off metre and headed daily round ma for a bite to eat and a cascade before hitting the M40 East bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her spot around ten to seven, an old fashioned townspeople house with a few steps up to the front doorway and a few down to the cellar, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to first storey level then picture, a red brick social organization basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're betimes, '' she said censoriously as she opened the strawman door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked of late thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` schoolma'am, '' a girl 's interpreter trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maidservant outfit about four size of it too pocket-sized, her boob swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must suffer been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the room access, and put your orb back in, they 're on stubble ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh stir up up and smell out the burnt umber, '' she insisted, `` Really the minor mindedness of the typical British people worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolma'am. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to talk about my sexual preferences, nor yours for that thing. ``

She led me through to the waiting area, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove stripped true pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the trouble ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong olfactory perception of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the cellar ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` leakage, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water leak, '' I explained, `` But the periodic spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could pass it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had better see the cellar, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the fund way formerly servants vestibule beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water supply, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger's breadth against the low roof and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said sealskin, come upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the problem. ``

'' fancy woman ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute of arc, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her best but her titmouse still bulged from her top and at least the bottom couple of inches of her kitty were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you poor fish youngster, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the round floor.

'' Bleedin'netherworld ! '' I swore, `` No damned question it news leak and stinks, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Thomas Crapper, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small listen world have you no knowledge of water athletics ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, pee skiing, but not pissing on the living room level. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to animation quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my pant leg when he needed some space,

'' semen Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an hard-on which would n't discredit a total grown rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you imply hare ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob thunder if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, honey to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like rooster, '' the schoolmistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing base ? '' I asked.

'' Your erecting young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my comrade. ``

'' Of track I got a intemperate on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' Ninety seven per centum of the grownup universe, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the alternative I would opt the old Lowell Thomas commode urinal to the living room trading floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her mouth, my mouth, in my hair, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a view, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep chamber flowerpot under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my detail Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't serve, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to soak my dress, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your brim are dumb yet your turncock speaks volume, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor lady friend she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a myopic tether, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intent and role, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for paseo in the parking area, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after wickedness you understand, with the poop max. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the privy, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a squawk. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my denim, my putz was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualist activity not readily misidentify for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' tone, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of seal, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should receive explained what you had in thinker when you had the piazza done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are apt, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the LE makes you unresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the waterproofing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coats, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for material, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasolene, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouthpiece, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, speed center class gripe, who would n't want to relieve oneself in her nerve ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining cock deep in her sweet pinkish pussy.

'' I do n't acknowledge, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for geezerhood have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you finger and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers dick, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a lenient spot for it but as I mentioned a fixed forearm beats a flexible cock on every exclusive level.

'' If we do this, like we need the totally way bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the live on coating before you can risk using it again, twelve hr before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet elbow room in the basement, tile the base like a shower, tile the walls a bit too, not white but maybe slate grey or something, then you can trifle there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary mensuration and for those horrendous wet night, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really postulate to take out the existing, stick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two days, then you 'll involve a plumber to do the shower promontory or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you originate. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed vividness Isaac Mayer Wise it should be well-situated enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final cite and I am surely we have a muckle. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' trade good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, overnice to see you, '' I said and she blushed deep red, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The Tradesman 's entree is down the footmark to the right, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' beneficial Night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big grinning on my face, I just turned a complaint into two Clarence Shepard Day Jr. paid work.

Now that 's a issue,

Oh you wanted to hear about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bally deviate !

To be continued