Nozzer's low Gay sex.

It's humour not operose core.

We was down the Flying horse cavalry sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the peer looking for a few away supporters to remind them that their squad may be honorable at kicking balls but we was better at kicking nut if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on pattern. He kept gasping for breath and diaphoresis and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round in, It was getting late, folk was leaving."hold the change,"I says.

"What alteration you owe another ten pound sign 50,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a in effect kicking the side by side nighttime rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us remit with nine pints and a packet of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to show off her pap, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her cleavage, could stimulate seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weightiness recently.

"What you do'in'after laddie ?"she says,"Only we thought about a ringlet in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me whisker maybe, and there's summat expert on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with LX bloody channel,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just sank them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't hold his beer. Ten dry pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queers started,"I said,"Some poor asshole couldn't shit so his partner buggered him to loosen it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the waiting room bar where several sharply curry blokes was sat round. I knew one of them, Peter"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a haze of hard drink fumes,"Anything."

I went into the waiting area, They was all there, gay as fucking, all sharp suits and that. One had a dress on. adorable shade of pink, pity he hadn't had a shaving for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my spouse fancies you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, frailty pope Eric or the Prince of hulk ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit wanton tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly stopcock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be remember ?"I said,"When you used to get a arduous on in the showers ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you anticipate all those slippy well toned masculine eubstance just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your face or at to the lowest degree having a trial,"I says.

He stared me right in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll film it on me telephone set, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his Virgo the Virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the curl in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm happy with one-half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me prat and Tell Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

lock in started around eleven, Sandra whorl and bolted the door, hung her drawers on the door boss and started selling durex at ten quid a cam stroke before she sat on the billiard table, legs spread astray and started wanking with a bottle of Newcastle brownness. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No class that bint, she had empty-bellied Champagne bottles and Stella, even snow but no she had to use Newcastle John Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her brilliant pink pussy lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the blokes had their phones out and the other lot, them what batted for the former side, had their pecker out wanking.

Nozzer had his trouser down as he bent over the Billiard board, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum cleavage when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levis and M & S Wye straw man round his ankles while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a squeamish subtlety of Green if I remember right. He had a right boner. Mine would have turned inside out and done a runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

Someone splashed some lube over Nige's cock, I say lube, it might cause been gearbox oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to stage business, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green insure member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasure of the tight orifice slowly easing candid from the firm pressure of his rampant member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waistline for to a greater extent purchase and grunted with the exploit. Beads of sweat broke out on his brow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's prick hung down like a shrink white turnip. The cock in his ass felt good, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to retch up ten pint of Frank Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige thrusting in but something was pushing back. His feet began to sneak. His dick was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the stuff and nonsense of nightmares. Hs cock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the dire dogshit python.

"For piece of tail sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The python stuck its brownish head out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid shaft of shite oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the post, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big Brown University snake coiled up ready to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

poor old Nige was in mellow down."Good Shepherd !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his rubber using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh poor Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bean,"Come to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a flash of stirring, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck on.

"Never idea Mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a limited straw man tooshie so you can get laid her without getting shit under your prepuce,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to clean the turd up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"neediness to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front man prat ?"Sandra asked in a dolt voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a overbold durex on Nige's cock. She eased around and bent over the edge of the snooker table and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so lilliputian resistance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his cock with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the best bastard ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might move around gay me self if its that good,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are gross,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy James Henry Leigh Hunt says reasonably.

"rightfulness,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the spend a penny Ilex paraguariensis,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom broad of spunk and his face absolutely Patrick Victor Martindale White,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girl mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid by the way."

"Ghogof calendar week,"I says,"spring her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No need to convey the piss."

Not the most sensitive of answers anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the common bearing.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker tabular array and her feet on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's mates were staring in disbelief, they couldn't get their oral sex around it. Nige fucking a razz. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more bevvies and went home base. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about fashion and women's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every time he saw an ass hole he imagined a shit Python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a dainty few quid out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his impairment .