headwaiter Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Norman Mattoon Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a sodomite what you bloody imagine because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad trip back from US on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass were safe and went to see crashing Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to check. Agent were a slimy bastard with slicked down hairsbreadth and poncy suit. He sat behind this over round off bloody oakwood blooming desk about the sizing of a blinking cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at survive,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me fucking mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that form of brass."

"We thought you intend governing body,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired gorilla in a disastrous frock with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unwitting Lanky sodomist ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of cop and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy SOB said rooking me,"The cheque please missy Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round off bank and paid it in quick. Daft illegitimate child on retort near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a just few pound sterling and went about me business.

fifteen bloody days voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in bank and could follow home instead of scratting round down southward U.S. way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see haven master what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few moment then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a skillful plump fresh dark-brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slave in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody Hades do I find a skillful plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to get married a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, danger tart house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed intimately idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at world-beater Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner carte outside. and it were just after midday so I thought I would take a bit to eat. Now I ent thick-skulled or nowt but I couldn't make top dog or tail o carte du jour so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

director come up to me and asked me business organization,"looking at for a nob to get married,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got wrong end of stick and suggested a dyad of whore planetary house.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a funfair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an plus see, not keep forking out for bawd boulder clay I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep hard worker anymore, but there's a chap round of golf Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his rear to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an pass ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his spouse over a splinter of fish and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody Christian church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of girl to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house panther I'm bloody police chief bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me damn mind."

His poncy nob checkmate was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two wooden leg, two arms, duad of bloody tits, own teeth, earreach and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say St. George,"one of his mates, a simpering posterior dressed like a right pandar says,"You might well wed off your Emily if you play your wag right."

"I ent playing no bloody lineup,"I said,"Hard Johnny Cash, I knows too many bloody wag sharps."

"I have never been so diss sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George I, think, he'll pay,"this gent said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and get together my daughter ?"

His poncy married person warned him not to look too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a poke of paint and the Butler's cap had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants quartern,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll find me bloody belt hybrid thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an ugly bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay mesen to poke thee."

"This is my wife captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chopper, we her prissy script and one-half inch long finger nails."Feisty while ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite wishes to court one of our daughters dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Creator McGonnegal, God Almighty Mc for short.

"Over my drained trunk,"gentlewoman Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"Storms, tempest, bloody feed water pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bally screw in weeks."

"Capain please,"madam Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, high bloody fourth dimension to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to Court my daughter ?"madam Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more crashing like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as blinking lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody capitulum, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

peeress Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into front room."young woman,"she says,"come and encounter Captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first girl were knockout, blonde hair on her articulatio humeri, blue heart, second power rigged attire showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaid, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my secondment eldest,"madam Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girlfriend asked.

"Bloody plentiful and in want of a bloody fuck,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me blinking mind and you're a stunner and no mistake."

"I speak my psyche too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of beauteousness followed into the way,"Victoria,"ma'am Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody inferno, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody holdover. Wi her short hair's-breadth and scowling look if it had n't been for her tits you 'd have thought she were a bally cuss

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"peeress Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a bloody bloke or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in pact Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your face fungus ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit thin on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no pastime in such matter,"she said.

I thought a bit damn quick, good chance her were a bloody virgin, if I blew damn candle out it wouldn't issue what her bloody face looked like.

"well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a flaming virgin I ‘ ll screw thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"skipper !"Lord Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to assume her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, ask it or get out it."

"We really demand the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a flaming wife jeune fille, not just a bloody tart to shag, someone to bet after me bloody house, cook, clean aspect after bloody tike, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love life or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bloody fucking, you wo n't do better than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the solution maitre d'hotel is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty musical composition ent her ?"I queried,"I got the hard currency,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's heart bulged as I showed a pocket good of gold.

"Take a chalk of wine chieftain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughter insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her cool off down a import,"noble Mc suggested,"I have a skillful Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and variety Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"stop it, stop it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a bazaar bloody price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the missy went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail iron boot clattering on sassy polished oak floor, till I got to her bed room.

The female parent were there with two chamber maids and the housekeeper. poor people Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a short Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corsets and knee length stockings, no knickers or cipher but showing her genitals and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs all-encompassing,"Take a feel Captain,"ma'am Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the the like of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"Lady Mc replied but the flicker of brightness level off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody tune,"parting them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a all-fired wench to get it on me in me damn life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her genital organ as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her hired hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't swither, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me digit gently up her thigh and then I started to percentage her cunt lips with me fingers. It weren't the first time. Her twat was well used.

"look like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of path not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a fucking bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody babe doing a meter or two ?"

"How did you bed ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews downslope,"Lets yell it our piffling bloody hush-hush shall us ?

"Look master,"she protested but me finger were no flaming unknown to a wench's cunt and wi me thumb on her small nub her tits were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a roll in the hay,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop over now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But master,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me pecker at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her bosom and on down to her mound. She form of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her second joint till I got me tongue in the rut between her sassing down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or all-fired never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee fucking pick out me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizzenmast mast in me hand.

Her center were the likes of disk, she said nowt but grasped me thickening and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an linchpin up a hawse pipe.It were all-fired heaven. right wing in boulder clay me Lucille Ball were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody hell sizing bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody fucked ent so damn bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek organization for the crashing fuck. Once I shot me blinking load in thee its for bloody lifetime like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me damn load over thee belly and say no to a greater extent about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty Guinea,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody burden over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a sort heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to germinate a Cupid's itch of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me orb was flaming crinkling and me cock was bloody throbbing and suddenly it were too of late for crashing pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next metre perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a state of nature boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"suction me blinking pecker hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may nurse my teats if it helps to rouse you."And with that she pulled her tits right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody diametrical,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her closing. Our mouthpiece met, our natural language entwined. It do n't weigh much what they bloody look like wi your lingua in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an minute or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fella, congratulations,"lord Mc chortled,"Let us have the booking announced in Lancashire even post.

"Bugger that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down bloody harbour and I can do damn wedlock, no bally need to knock off bloody organisation on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed official like, and do you acknowledge after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the visible light behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what issue and she's bloody champion and no mistake, even if she do come from bloody Lancashire .