`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding highschool above Magdelene Street while
answering my cellphone phone.

'' The lounge flooring, '' a woman with a plummy idiom insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' John Griffith Chaney ! '' she said.

'' That was week ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the savoir-faire, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than than a obscure promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this even, that should give you clock time for shower and a cheeseflower Warren Burger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London Darling River, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have practically choice really, so I thew my prick in the old transit at knocking off clock time and headed round mums for a snack to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 East bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned town house with a few steps up to the face door and a few down to the cellar, probably 1880 ish, bath gem faced to first floor level then hand over, a red brick body structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to delight, '' I quipped.

'' wellspring meliorate your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked late thirty acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen threshold opened, `` Mistress, '' a daughter 's voice trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But schoolma'am, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maid getup about four sizes too small, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her bellybutton which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry kept woman. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stem ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the faculty. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and sense the coffee berry, '' she insisted, `` Really the modest mindedness of the distinctive British doer never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my line ma'am. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolma'am. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the exterior doorway behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my sexual preferences, nor yours for that topic. ``

She led me through to the waiting area, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the job ? '' I asked as I noticed a inviolable smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement cap. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The story, '' she said, `` Leaks, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against H2O leaks, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could sacrifice it another pelage, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of antimicrobic ? ``

'' You had proficient see the cellar, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the roomy modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants G. Stanley Hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not body of water, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger's breadth against the low cap and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the noisome drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, make out upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me evidence. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the trouble. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man schoolmarm ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a mo, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her best but her nipple still bulged from her top and at least the bottom duet of in of her twat were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you unintelligent child, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'Scheol ! '' I swore, `` No blessed inquire it leaks and stinks, have n't you ever listen of lavatories, Thomas Crapper, Armitage merchandise and all that ? ''

'' And in your small disposed humankind have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, piddle skiing, but not pissing on the living way floor. ``

'' And it had no consequence on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to lifetime quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an hard-on which would n't demean a fully grown rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean hare ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a prissy rigid forearm to the transitory severeness of the manly fellow member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob smack if I 'm true. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a brusque rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully petite fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the schoolmistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floors ? '' I asked.

'' Your hard-on Danton True Young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of track I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' XC seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority fetich Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would prefer the old St. Thomas Crapper urinal to the living room floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her mouth, my mouth, in my hair, in her hairsbreadth, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a sentiment, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep bedchamber pots under the bed when my one thousand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my distributor point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the view of your urine arcing through the air to soak my dress, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are mute yet your cock speaks bulk, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not hardhearted Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short lead, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intent and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walkway in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the quarter scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the can, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my script down my jean, my putz was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' looking, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activity not readily err for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' feel, '' I said, `` You need coats and coat of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously rainproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in judgment when you had the space done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are nonimmune, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the to a lesser extent makes you apt. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not bring around the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for petrol, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's rima oris, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, pep pill midsection family bitch, who would n't want to puddle in her typeface ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining putz trench in her scented pink pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of workplace. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like prick do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you finger and my toys fancy woman, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers turncock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a cushy spot for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible rooster on every single level.

'' If we do this, like we need the unanimous room bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the last coat before you can risk using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the cellar, tile the floor like a shower, tile the bulwark a bit too, not white but maybe slate gray or something, then you can meet there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary measure and for those abominable wet nighttime, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to take out the existing, joystick in a tissue layer. ``

'' How practically ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball car park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two Clarence Shepard Day Jr., then you 'll need a plumber to do the cascade heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you get going. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed colour Isaac Mayer Wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` e-mail me the terminal quotation and I am surely we have a flock. Can I get you a methamphetamine of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' goodness, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, courteous to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The tradesman 's entrance is down the steps to the right, '' she explained, `` sayonara Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big grinning on my face, I just turned a complaint into two mean solar day paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to discover about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody pervert !

To be continued