An old story reprised.

Note All type are entirely ficticious and my apologies of any household or company names have inadvertently been used


My Lady 's parentage, the pantryman Tale.


I was idly cleaning some silverware. The sun was shining through the drawing room windows. The lawns stretched away towards the lake with its island and folly while a nurseryman snipped ineffectually away at the lawn edges. It was an ordinary summer day.

Mr President Harrison my Creator 's stock broker and consultant arrived just after lunch, he asked no demanded to see my dame with the utmost urgency.

'' But sir, my lady is resting, '' I explained, knowing she was most likely with one Lieutenant Carruthers her previous dalliance.

I went to seek her, I went upstairs to her room and knocked decorously, and then as one does I listened intently.

'' Oh yes, '' she was gasping, `` Oh that 's sooo secure, do n't break off. ``

'' There 's soul knocking, '' a man 's voice hissed.

'' Mr Harrison wishes an interview my lady, '' I explained through the closed door.

'' Then have him wear a suspicious wig and appear at the Adelphi ! '' the man joked.

'' Johnny, '' my lady whispered, `` Look its Gerald 's banker, I had better go, '' and she shouted `` Just a instant ! ''

Amazingly quickly my noblewoman appeared at the door, a vision of golden curls and vermillion chiffon, spoiled only by smeared lipstick.

'' My Lady, '' I explained, `` Your lip stick ? ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` Do n't be so damned impertinent ! '' but she still looked in the mirror and repaired the damage with a napkin.

'' Good crack, mums the word ? '' Carruthers said as he followed her from the room while smoothing his cricket Garden State down and taking his wallet from his white cricket trousers he tucked a ten Somalian shilling note in my top pocket, `` See myself out, back way. '' and he slipped away, the very prototype of a lounge lounge lizard, or should that be tarry snake.

I left him to his deceit and legerdemain, no dubiety the regiment thought he was elsewhere, perhaps he was at cricket and had himself bowled out to part with half an hour for cuckolding but perhaps his enormous ego would not allow him to appear less than a window pane at the crease but he was certainly most despicable of my ma'am 's warmness.

My ma'am swept downstairs, `` Mr. Sir Rex Harrison, what a pleasant surprise ! '' she simpered.

'' I fear not lady Saltcoats, '' he said, `` Can we speak privately ? ``

'' The sketch is available my lady, '' I suggested.

'' He means bugger off Holdford ! '' my noblewoman hissed.

'' Alford my madam, '' I corrected, `` Certainly my peeress. ``

'' Go on then ! '' she hissed and she ushered me away.

I went to the kitchen, I sat on my BM, Mrs bridge the Captain Cook stood at the sink, `` Trouble Mr Alford ? '' she asked.

I looked at her, cloggy breasted, round shouldered and old before her clock time, `` None of our business Mrs Harry Bridges, '' I said using the courtesy form of address of Mrs despite the fact she had never married and was likely a Virgo the Virgin, with little prospect of losing that distinction.

'' If you say so sir ! '' she said sarcastically.

I let it go and then suddenly my madam shouted `` No ! ``

I stood and rushed to the cogitation and flung the doorway wide. My Lady was aghast, but stood chiliad from Rex Harrison, `` No, it can not be so ! '' she cried.

'' What have you done sir ? '' I demanded, `` My lady is distraught ! ``

'' Not I, '' he said, `` I accept no inculpation. ``

'' For what ? '' I asked.

'' overlord Saltcoats has been declared bankrupt, '' Reginald Carey Harrison explained, `` pass receiver have been appointed, my nobleman has seven calendar years to vacate these premises, meanwhile all banking concern write up are stop dead. ``

'' What do you mean ? '' I demanded.

'' family business relationship, all that kind of thing, '' he explained, `` It 's the stock market, and reinsurance, luxuriously finance, you would n't understand. ``

I should cause hit him for his affront, but how was he to hump my true fictitious character ? Instead I congratulated myself on blending so subtly into the fabric of the area house.

'' There will be some residue surely, the London residence ? '' I asked.

'' Mortgaged, '' he said, `` And remortgaged, liabilities vastly exceed the assets. ``

'' Then why let this happen ! '' I queried.

'' None of your business, '' he said, `` But I had no idea, none at all, I merely oversee his lordship 's investiture portfolio, of row we made heavy losses, but no more than anyone else, to a lesser extent than many, it 's not my faulting he started meddling in insurance, none at all ! ``

'' What does it think of, where will we go ! '' my lady demanded.

The telephony rang, in an reflex reflex I went to the entryway hall to answer it.

'' Rainsford household, Lord Saltcoats residence, '' I answered automatically.

'' Alford, is that Alford ? '' someone demanded.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed.

'' right field look its Ted Griggs here, '' he said, `` His lordship 's London chauffeur, I got some bad news. ''

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' feel tell Mrs Bridges that Lord Saltcoats, has disappeared, '' he said.

'' Disappeared, no he 's gone bankrupt. '' I said.

'' well I dropped him off at Victoria around ten o'clock this morning and they said to go home when I got back, I reckon he legged it to France on the Flesh de Whore, '' he meant the Golden pointer train, `` What do you mean smash ? '' he demanded, `` Oh damn, I ai n't got no more pennies tell Mrs Bridges, '' he said after the telephone pinged and suddenly it went bushed Brrrrrrr.

'' It seems his lordship has left left us, '' I said as I returned.

'' Only enough thing, '' Harrison agreed, `` Gun or noose ? ``

'' The railroad train ferry to France ! '' I corrected.

'' Oh the total shit ! '' my dame cried.

'' Indeed my peeress, '' I agreed and I slipped away.

Generally secret use of his lordship 's telephone was priming for instant dismissal but I no longer cared, and throwing precaution to the wind instrument I booked a margin call to my bank in Liverpool where they were keeping my `` crime syndicate Silver, '' in their condom deposit.

'' Alford ! '' my lady protested when she saw me at the phone when I should take in shown Mr Harrison out, but I ignored her.

She flew at me afterwards, `` How dare you ! '' she said, `` Collect your things you are dismissed straight off ! ``

'' And how shall you pay me what you owe ? '' I demanded, `` You can not. ``

'' I can discount you with nothing ! '' she said, `` No payment, no reference, no character ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried, `` Well perhaps you can pay me. ``

'' No ! consider your things and go ! '' she said.

'' Perhaps you could pay me the way you pay Lieutenant Carruthers and a few more than I might mention ! '' I suggested.

'' No, Rape ! '' she wailed and she rushed towards her room.

I followed, I caught her at the doorway and pushed her inside pausing only to bolt the door.

'' No ! '' she said, `` Well at least let me undo the hooking, this cost an absolute fortune. ``
'' Of path, '' I said, `` tolerate me. ``

She sat on the bed as I unfastened her clothes, `` Be careful, '' she pleaded and then she stood and it fell around her feet.

Her well rounded bosom bulged over her red stays, her red knickerbockers enclosed by the suspender strap, and she stood up and laid the dress carefully on the dresser.

'' That 's better, '' she said and she screamed, `` assault, '' again several times.

'' Ot would look the US cavalry is otherwise engaged my peeress, '' I observed as I removed my highly polished black skid to divulge well worn disastrous wind sock with protruding big toes, which I hurriedly removed, `` Does police lieutenant Carruthers remove his shirt and under shirt dame ? '' I asked.

'' No, though it is none of your business, '' she declared, `` rapine ! '' she shouted again.

I removed my crownwork and shirt front, slipped the cardboard collar off and removed my undershirt.

'' Good lord, '' she gulped, `` Alford, '' and then I unbuttoned my flies and removed trousers and underpants in a unmarried motion.

'' God, you are delight to see me are n't you ! '' she exclaimed as she gazed at my humanness as it strained, `` Right, '' she said as she snapped her suspenders away from her stockings and pushed her knee pants down before kicking them off her feet.

'' Rape, '' she shouted again and then, `` Oh well, you wo n't hurt me will you, and there are some Reb 's in the fecundation table.

'' They spoil the moment my madam, '' I explained, `` I shall mount you as the good God Almighty intended. ``

It was nearly a week since my last dark off, spent with two buxom whores in the town a tiresome ten long air mile away by bike, and my need was great, and her protestation were little but tokens.

'' Do n't hurt me, '' she asked again as I gripped her shank as I planted my knees firmly between hers and blindly aimed my manhood at her.

'' Hey, '' she said, `` Not there, let me, '' and she guided my straining manhood between her unseen cunt lips and took me to heaven.

'' Do something then, '' she insisted.

'' What ? '' I asked as I luxuriated in the feel of her moist cunt gripping me.

'' I do n't know, but it 's not very exciting for me. '' she declared.

I thrust against her, `` Better ? '' I asked.

'' very much ! '' she said, `` And again, that 's in effect, '' she said, `` Oh you 're so big, '' she said, `` Fuck me, you 're going to prison for this so savor yourself ! ``

I started to think of her as a sporting lady, a beautiful lucky haired high course of study whore, and then I remembered the smeared lipstick and I determined to sample her lips as well and I dipped my lips to caress hers.

Her natural language emerged instantly, running around my dentition, my judgement exploded and so did my turncock jerking and pumping and flooding her parts, and as our mouthpiece parted she was gasping and muttering, `` Oh my god, '' she said and then we stilled.

'' Alford, '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``,

'' What ? '' I asked.

'' If we 're break '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``

'' What is this `` We'suddenly ? '' I asked.

'' Well, what is it to be Alford, rape or 'we', '' she asked quite reasonably.

'' We, '' I said, `` My lady. ``

`` I expect Gerald has, '' she said quietly, `` He wo n't face ruin, he knows I only desire his money, I never loved him. ``

'' And the dashing police lieutenant ? '' I enquired.

'' He makes me palpate good, '' she said, `` But then to be honest, so do you. ''

She stretched, `` So what is it to be, a nice cold cell or me ? ``

'' What a choice, may I have a moment to think my lady ? '' I asked.

'' Get dressed, we have appearances to uphold, '' she insisted and she went to dress out again.

I too dressed and made my way downstairs, there was a hubbub of phonation in the kitchen, I went in, `` Mr Alford, or is it My Maker. '' Binks the head nurseryman challenged.

'' Mr Binks, '' I replied, `` What troubles you ? ``

'' You and her ladyship, '' he said.

'' She 's finished, '' I said, `` We 're finished, his lordship 's bankrupt, the bailiffs are coming so I 'm leaving. ``

'' And ladyship, '' Mrs Harry Bridges asked.

'' Do n't ask me, '' I insisted.

'' She 's leaving with Mr Alford, '' her ladyship said as she came to suffer behind me, `` Tonight. ``

I had no design of leaving so soon yet there was picayune point in remaining, `` We need to sing, '' I explained.

'' We 'll get a hotel room, '' she suggested, `` Do you labour ? ``

'' Yes, '' I agreed.

'' Then we 'll take the Rolls, '' she insisted, `` The shooting pasture brake ! ``

We left that Saame evening, her baggage stowed in every superfluous infinite it that huge crudely overbodied parody of a luxury car so fully that she had to sit beside me, and we made our way north.

'' What will you do ? '' I asked.

'' What do you intimate ? '' she replied.

'' well I doubt cooking or cleaning is to your gustatory sensation, '' I suggested, `` Whore, lady of pleasure, courtesan ? ``

'' Yes, '' she agreed, `` I have some money, perhaps we could get a room ? ``

'' Perhaps, but for now, '' I suggested, `` Lady Alford and her Chauffeur ? ``

'' Separate bed ? '' she asked, `` I 'll scream you Alan ! ``

'' One for sleeping and one for oeuvre ! '' I joked.

I could n't trust her, I never really intended for her to get a whore but could not put on the line telling her the truth, maybe I should deliver, but I didn't.

You see three yr before my father had made transcription for me to act upon in the United state of matter of America, to teach about the American English system of rules of banking which seemed so greatly Superior to ours, and while there the great smash of 1929 erupted through the unit economical system.
I was working at a sensitive size metropolis bank as a sort of assistant coach, and I was right there when the run came, and when it came it all seemed to happen all at once.

ordinary people, steady kinfolk waited in a transmission line right down the street and you did n't need to be a maven to figure out out we had not even a tenth of the money those people thought they had in their accounts to pay them. We started paying out in the sunrise and by noon the vault was empty, except that is an unobjectionable cardboard box of big value handbill which somehow found their way in my locker, for safe keeping you understand.

Ted ecstasy honcho teller and Jim McFadden the manager came down the money box hall all glum faced, `` Shut the doors Jim, '' McFadden said to the guard, `` We 're gone broke. ``

That triggered a virtually riot, I slipped out the back way with my box and in all the confusion I swapped my twenty dollar bill seven Buick for the janitor 's cycle and coat and I rode off down the street on that cycle with about a one-half million dollar sign in that composition board box balanced on the cross bar.

I went to the apartment I rented, told Mrs Rafferty the concierge I was leaving and I headed north West towards New York city on the eventide train.

So what do you do when you have half a million dollars of someone else 's immediate payment ? Why get a job of course.

Except the human race and his crony was looking for a job, so I bought some piece of furniture, put my box in a sideboard, had it crated and arranged shipment to England on the RMS Mauretania and I sailed home 2nd class.
I had my crate put in depot and looked for a job, told dad I was still in the states, changed my name to Alford and forged some character reference and worked in Liverpool until I fancied some rural area air and her ladyship took me on as Butler.

She knew my extension were forged, she thought she could clear me any clip and that would keep open me in lineage and blockade me telling her hubby about her lovers.

But now I had half a million dollars to expend, without being noticed.

We found a prissy little flat, it was over a betting shop in the Harrow road, the land federal agent had century of empty prop, we could take our pick.

She had savings, we pawned some of her jewelry, we painted the apartment, bought beds piece of furniture, I had my stuff from Liverpool sent over and we worked like a real team.

Then when we were all cook to spread out I told her my program, `` Look, '' I said one evening after a particularly long and gruelling academic term in bed.

'' I know, Mr. flopsy is tired, he needs a candy kiss, '' she said as she bent to kiss my dull penis.

'' My dame, you do n't want to sleep with anyone, except me, '' I explained, '' I have about half a million dollar to launder, you just say an flaky American paid you in dollars. ``

'' But Alan, '' she said, `` We agreed, we did all the work, we were going to get a maid, start modest, build up, two or three gentleman a nighttime to begin with. ``

'' We can just use it as a binding, '' I explained.

'' But you promised two or three men a day, '' she said angrily, `` You promised ! ``

'' But surely you do n't want ? '' I asked.

'' And you do n't seriously conceive you fulfill me do you ? '' she asked, `` With Mr Floppy always needing a suck to kick start him, for heavens sake ! ``

'' You want to be a prostitute ? '' I said incredulously.

'' Yes with you there to protect me, '' she said, `` I expect I could do a gentleman in forty transactions and a servant in ten. ``

'' At the like time ? '' I queried, `` One up the back passage ? ``

'' Possibly, '' she said, `` But you did the sum of money, even with a few mean solar day a month when we need a viewpoint in we will make a killing ! ``

'' But what about us ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, you still get your act, '' she said, `` But really, seriously, '' she said, `` I need more. ``

We heard nothing of Creator Saltcoats and so it was that we opened `` The Lady 's Boudoir '' one eve in September 1932.

The name was stencilled on the room access beside the betting shop an inside the room access we had a booth where the receptionist Lillia sat guarding the bottom of the stair and then I would greet the gentleman, take their hats and baseball mitt and stand in attending in fount they needed assistance with binding and always maintain discretion and moderation.

It sickened me, every day she lay in bed from mid morning till after midnight while a succession of men used her, `` Good day sir may I admit your hat ? '' I would ask and get a contemptuous glare in return as baseball mitt were thrown in the hat and the hat handed to me.

We reached agreement for the betting workshop to be our waiting elbow room, every day there was my lady, answering to any public figure under the sun, play acting the mellisonant spunk, leg astride, bitch glistening. teats distended, bathed in swither like as not and then dragging some half nude gentleman minus trousers and underpants but like as not retaining socks and wind sleeve suspenders to her as she grasped his rampant fellow member to aim it within her or suck it to biography or completion.

Hairy asses bobbling as they pounded her, time after metre, week after hebdomad, month after calendar month until every Panthera uncia of pity I had for her was ground to goose egg by the friction of fork upon crotch.

I rented a house for us in Middlesborough bench so we could get away from her work, but she was always too tired so I had the early bedroom converted to another study way, denudate base and a dim-witted mattress.

They paid spear carrier for the mere mattress, the more soiled it got the considerably they liked it because it stopped being man and instead it was anyone who won a bet on the horses.

They all wanted to fuck a fine lady on a soiled mattress.

'' Maybe you would prefer standing against a wall in the ginnel ? '' I asked in a moment of reckless sarcasm.

'' And how much supernumerary would that be ? '' the chap asked quite seriously.

'' stunt woman, '' I said flippantly.

'' Then I 'll make that ! '' he agreed.

She used the courtyard, the ginnel was too populace and she wore a pair of sprocket and a servants smock, sometimes we had three men waiting while a fourth fucked her standing against the wall.

Sometimes Lillia pretended to be the lady, if she remembered to keep her mouthpiece shut, when not clamped around a customer 's member that is, she was amercement, except it made too much work for me keeping an eye on two whores, taking money and everything.

One night a Irishman asked me to fuck him up the ass while he fucked Lillia. I declined, but it gave me an thought, `` So where do you get you 're ass fucked ? '' I asked.

He told me, I out an advert in the window and got ten inquiries in two hours.

I gave Harry the job, he liked null better than wearing a annulus with zip under it, usually he wore a kilt but his geordie stress betrayed him and he relished the musical theme of ramming his core up gentlemen 's fanny while they shafted our whores.

He seemed entirely adequate to so I left him to it, and gradually did LE and LE prison term at the Boudoir and he became more or less the managing director while I planned my side by side move.

I went to London and became delayed with my affairs and came north again to check on my lady.

She was not there, `` man want variety sir, I got some new girls in, '' Harry explained.

'' But she was the whole reason ! '' I pleaded, `` Where is she ? ``

'' Blowed if I know sir, '' he said, `` I just thought she were a cyprian, sir. I never thought she was your special whore. ``

I went out to seek her, I asked around until I heard of someone living in a hut by the railroad and earning a crust from plate layers and the like.

I had to find her and bought a bowler hat and dust coat pelage like a railway functionary and marched down to the railing yards.

There was no sign of her, but then a lucky CVA, `` You going for a jar Tam ? '' someone asked a driver as his shift ended.

'' Och so I will, after I poke the gentlewoman, '' was his reply.

I followed, he went to the engineman 's barracks, where the foresightful distance men lodged before returning household, and there I found her naked but for a pelage heart-to-heart at the front sitting on an locomotive man 's cabinet hearing to the tales of engines.

'' Enginemen only sir, '' the assistant said politely but firmly.

'' I came to see her, '' I said and pointed, `` How are you ? ``

'' Well, '' she said and she smiled, `` Were you worried ? '' she asked.

'' Yes, you were not at the sign of the zodiac, '' I explained.

'' That Harry was beastly, '' she said, `` He wanted to burden more, but I just want sex. ``

'' And now ? '' I asked.

'' They are lovely, all these lonely men to comfort, '' she said, `` They make me find wanted. ''

I looked at her, her blonde haircloth seemed to be silvering, her skin once like alabaster now weatherbeaten, `` I 'll keep an account for your money, you know where to chance me, '' I explained, `` Oh Geoffrey turned up, '' I added, `` He 's working as a Gigolo in monte Carlo, maybe you two were made for each early after all. ``

'' Maybe, '' she admitted but the Scotsman had her in his coal dusted limb and his Shirley Temple Black hands ran through her fuzz and his black lips brushed her ruby lips and it was more than I could bear to see.

I hid my tears and left her even as she gasped in approval as her Scotchman lover took her to heaven once more .