`` What trading floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding gamey above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge storey, '' a woman with a plummy dialect insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' capital of the United Kingdom ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not commodity enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather Sir Thomas More than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall carry you at seven this even, that should give you sentence for shower and a cheeseflower burger. ``

'' That 's rush 60 minutes ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have lots pick really, so I thew my cock in the old theodolite at knocking off time and headed round mums for a sharpness to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 due east bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old forge town household with a few steps up to the front line door and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to first floor level then render, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front man door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to set aside me into the hallway. She looked belated thirties acted like ninety, snot-nosed bitch.

The kitchen door opened, `` kept woman, '' a female child 's voice trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the charwoman insisted.

'' But schoolmarm, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maids outfit about four sizes too small, her white meat swelled over the top and it barely reached below her omphalus which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry schoolmistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the doorway, and put your eyeballs back in, they 're on stem ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell out the coffee, '' she insisted, `` Really the small mindedness of the distinctive Brits worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business lady. '' I agreed, `` Or is that fancy woman. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my sexual druthers, nor yours for that matter. ``

She led me through to the waiting area, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed spit and groove stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a impregnable smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement cap. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The trading floor, '' she said, `` Leaks, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water leaks, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be finely. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of antimicrobial ? ``

'' You had better see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the steps from the spacious Bodoni kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store way formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water, '' I said, and I rubbed my digit against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, come upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the sofa, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` demo our guest the job. ``

'' kept woman ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man Mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a hour, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her honest but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the tush couple of in of her cunt were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please fancy woman, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupefied kid, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'sin ! '' I swore, `` No damned wonder it news leak and stinks, have n't you ever discover of lavatories, Thomas toilet, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small minded earthly concern have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the living way floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to life quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some space,

'' Come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an hard-on which would n't disgrace a full grown hare. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean hare ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob smacking if I 'm reliable. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully diminutive clenched fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the Mistress said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing trading floor ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my comrade. ``

'' Of row I got a strong on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' XC seven per centum of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority fetish Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would favour the old Thomas potty urinal to the animation room floor any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her rima oris, my mouth, in my pilus, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep chamber kitty under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to soak my dress, my brassiere, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your rim are silent yet your stopcock speaks mass, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like prick, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor girl she is so delicious yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short lead, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a captive ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and purposes, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for pass in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the the skinny exclusive. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the lav, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a cunt. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hand down my jeans, my shaft was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' flavor, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic body process not readily mistaken for any former. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need pelage and coats of seal, yacht varnish or something seriously raincoat, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in brain when you had the home done, I just subbed on the story. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrison are apt, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you liable. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the job ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ridiculous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasolene, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouthpiece, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper middle course of instruction kick, who would n't desire to spend a penny in her font ? but Pippa, well, to be honest I just wanted to ram my straining cock deep in her confection garden pink pussy.

'' I do n't bang, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for age have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like tool do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you finger and my plaything Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers hammer, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a delicate spot for it but as I mentioned a inflexible forearm beats a pliable turncock on every exclusive level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole room bare, no piece of furniture, it will be about a week after the last pelage before you can risk using it again, twelve minute before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the storey like a shower, tile the rampart a bit too, not white but maybe slate grey or something, then you can play there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary measure and for those terrible wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of genial, `` Well to create a job we really take to drive out the existing, reefer in a tissue layer. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a formal park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two Day, then you 'll want a plumber to do the shower principal or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you startle. '' she asked.

'' Monday workweek if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed color Isaac Mayer Wise it should be sluttish enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` netmail me the final quotation and I am sure as shooting we have a pot. Can I get you a looking glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed slit while she looked longingly at the hump in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' Good, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' Good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, Nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed crimson, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hallway and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front man doorway, `` The Tradesman 's ingress is down the steps to the right, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good Nox, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big grinning on my face, I just turned a complaint into two days paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to hear about the early poppycock, now hang on, I 'm a constructor not a bloody pervert !

To be continued