headwaiter Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Seth Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a sodomist what you bloody think because I bloody verbalise as I bloody discover.

We had a bloody bad stumble back from United States of America on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass instrument were safety and went to see flaming factor first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a harlot boudoir with furnishings to match. Agent were a slimy SOB with slicked down fuzz and poncy causa. He sat behind this over polish up bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"goodness day captain, I am delighted to assemble you at live on,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me plaque,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the unlettered Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, art object of eight, that kind of brass."

"We thought you meant brass instrument,"his supporter chipped in. She was like a short haired Gorilla gorilla in a smutty apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unlearned Lanky sodomist ent it ?"

"memorial tablet is an metal of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever gripe eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a fucking fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round cant and paid it in spry. Daft bastard on buffet near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a clean few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody twenty-four hours voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some cheek in bank and could come home instead of scratting daily round down Dixieland America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see seaport professional what were a mate of mine, we had a chat for a few second then I asked"Where's slave marketplace, I fancies a nice plump brisk brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in XXX three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a prissy plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be crashing favorable to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to conjoin a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed full idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner party fare outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would have a bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or shadow o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner party at tea time and noonday clock time was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

manager arrive up to me and asked me business,"looking at for a nob to espouse,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be saturated mind."

He got wrong end of joystick and suggested a couple of whore family.

"Nay I want a cleaning lady for keeps see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an asset see, not restrain forking out for tart till I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't preserve slave anymore, but there's a fella round Inkerman Street does a smashing stove of chastity rap,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that overlord wi his cover to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake a joystick at, why not make him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a shaving of fish and driblet o wine that woudn't sustain a crashing church building mouse.

"That's ready to hand,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of girl to unlade like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the underworld are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face up me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house puma I'm bloody chieftain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me damn mind."

His poncy nob Paraguay tea was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar bill, long as she's virgin, two stage, two arms, pair of bloody tits, own teeth, auditory modality and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can do in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George V,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a right ponce says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody wag,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody add-in sharps."

"I have never been so insult sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this crack said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a international mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a biff of paint and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants quarters,"bloody sarky Samuel Butler smirked.

"No he is a Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"sea captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and utter me bloody intellect. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me fucking belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your free pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody cleaning lady turns up,"By heck you're an frightful bitch,"I says,"promise you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay mesen to poke thee."

"This is my married woman Captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No crime like,"I says as she belts me brush up the chops, we her dainty hand and one-half inch long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"master Beckinthwaite wish to lawcourt one of our daughter beloved,"the cuss says, I sort of guessed he was Creator McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my dead body,"madam Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly White person,"chieftain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe risky venture in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"storm, tempest, bloody fertilize piddle pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a damn gut full moon on't it, bloody merchant marine lark."I said,"governance is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, in high spirits bloody fourth dimension to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to lawcourt my daughters ?"madam Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't judgement bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no lousy bloody butlers poking on her care thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit flaming nail on't bloody headland, I also reckoned Jehovah Mc were in on't as well.

ma'am Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into parlour."fille,"she says,"cum and match Captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The showtime female child were knockout, blonde hair on her articulatio humeri, dispirited eyes, lame rigged dress showcasing her teat, out of my conference, probably been rogered by half the handmaiden, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the young lady asked.

"Bloody productive and in need of a bally shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody mind and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of fairness followed into the room,"Victoria,"noblewoman Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody Inferno, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a flaming kid wi a flaming hangover. Wi her short-change tomentum and scowling face if it had n't been for her pap you 'd suffer thought she were a blooming feller

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a bloody chap or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"trade good then we are in agreement Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit thin on bloody dry land,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such issue,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good chance her were a bloody Virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't issue what her fucking face looked like.

"fountainhead I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody Virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say mediocre than that."

"police captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"5 hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to aim her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, subscribe to it or exit it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this goliath for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a blooming wife lass, not just a damn sporting lady to shag, someone to look after me bloody household, cook, make clean aspect after bloody kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or philia then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, flaming affection, I just wants a bloody ass, you wo n't do secure than that and I shan't bloody offer a bloody gain."I said.

"goodness,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer maitre d' is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the John Cash,"I said,"If thee mentation I were bloody messing."

noble Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"acquire a glass of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a moment,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about decent to swim a bloody shiner, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl objection,"Stop it, check it mother I would rather die than marry that awe-inspiring man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a bonnie bloody damage, what's awry wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polished oak floors, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two sleeping room maids and the housekeeper. poor Francis had her garb off and looked like she been whacked across case with a utterly Melanogrammus aeglefinus. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee length stockings, no pants or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her stage extensive,"Take a look senior pilot,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you fucking bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the ilk of you. Go on. Get out."

"But sea captain,"lady Mc replied but the glint of luminosity off me obelisk blade soon changed her bloody melodic line,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me sea captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd bolt down your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to wedge a bloody skirt to fuck me in me bally life."

She sat on the boundary of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her deal away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't swither, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingerbreadth gently up her thighs and then I started to component part her cunt lips with me fingers. It weren't the first clip. Her slit was well used.

"spirit like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course of instruction not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"wellspring your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a fucking bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody Sister doing a metre or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews fall,"Lets prognosticate it our piffling bloody undercover shall us ?

"facial expression chieftain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody strangers to a wench's cunt and wi me thumb on her little nub her mammilla were getting gracious and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a fuck,"I explained,"Can't expect me to end now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no proficient ramming me turncock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her cervix, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her bosom and on down to her pile. She form of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh trough I got me tongue in the groove between her backtalk down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or flaming never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee damn take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizen mast in me hand.

Her centre were like saucers, she said nowt but grasped me node and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody node end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody snatch like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were blooming heaven. right wing in till me balls were banging on her privates,"What the bloody blaze size bloody standard candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh maitre d',"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being blinking fucked ent so fucking bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple taper, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek boldness for the bloody fuck. Once I shot me crashing cargo in thee its for bloody life like, if thee can't tum it say now and I'll shoot me bloody incumbrance over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guinea,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me flaming load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly headwaiter, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not intimidate yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to fritter away a dose of hot kindling up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me ballock was bloody crinkling and me cock was bloody pounding and suddenly it were too belated for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant master,"she chuckled,"Next prison term perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me all-fired tittup unvoiced I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my mamilla if it helps to rouse you."And with that she pulled her teat right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to palpate your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest of drawers,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me peter reared and before I knew it we was bloody ass again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and noblewoman Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, kudos,"Lord Mc chortled,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"bugger that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down crashing seaport and I can do bloody marriage, no bloody demand to waste bloody brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed prescribed like, and do you bonk after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lights behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody mavin and no error, even if she do come from bloody Lancashire .