Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'whole world.

Life were severely back then

I were standing by fire in pit question bureau watching our eldest Lucy shovelling ember into railway estate car, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm Joseph Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Creator Blagthorpe, or that fake Blagthorpe. I own pit and small town of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a reputation you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says married, we never wasted brass on church or nothing. Every bit of brass instrument went into business.

Useless bitch she were and all. 7 bloody giirls her popped before her cried plenty and went to sleep in surplus room, well one of em, I had twelve chamber at shoemaker's last count.

I went outside to accept a word,"Eee lass thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee daughter, he'll be in thee knickers next,"cocker Drayton joked.

"clitoris it cocker,"I says,"I means she's impregnable as any bloke,"I says.

"Well don't go geting any melodic theme,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not Cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"spirit here, thee'd frighten blokes unintelligent, now if thee's got any gumption thee's sell the honour to high bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you put up ?"she asked.

"Five bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll differentiate our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must have been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after shadow. board was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was crashing miserable as always.

"For half a bloody tip I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to lighten up mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the ember dust off her patch stripped to the waist by kitchen sink.

"Some bloody hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no bugger's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nobs, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hired man so I can look after thee."

"So no other bugger has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee prostitute !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teat all stood up, font and hair all melanise, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but good manners for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no rationality we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snap thee trivial dick in half,"she challenged wi'her optic ablaze.

"Go and fuck the little bitch,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out ungrateful mare."

I found a fortunate guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah keep it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more common soldier ?"

"Nay, sodomite it, me saps up,"I says,"crook over table our Lucy I'll poke thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a infinite and Lucy dropped her mans breeches what she wore and bent grass over table.

Her char 's theatrical role was all pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to break so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were golden he were straining as her thingy put up a fight as I went to pound her, I had to hang on to her whatsits to get a bit of leverage like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her unmentionables. Her moaned all slaked like as I poked away at her.

It was bloody champion, her seemed to enjoy it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody ages. In the end when I shot me bolt I were flaming knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in front of me. It were frigidity, fucking inedible like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made damn muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her breeches up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on write up of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Melanogrammus aeglefinus and a bag o'scrap,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a pith pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sorting of meat is it."

"Horse,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us own pit trot cheap when they're knackered."

"Lord Blagthorpe to thee, any road round she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ cause I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a anchor ring on me finger I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me nothing,"

"Bloody netherworld daughter,"I says,"Thee don't knack around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, healthy, why she had a better than mediocre chance of bearing me a son. Me mind were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ row I will,"she says,"Lets nip off down vicarage and set affair in motion."

"sodomite me tha'don't hang about.|"I admitted.

"I had a unspoilt teacher,"she smiled.

We picked up us rupture and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your daughter !"he whined.

"stride girl,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any road and me one-half sis is all bastards."

"I wouldn't call all of em son of a bitch, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to organise, flowers, bells, choir,"

"That's bollocks is that,"Lucy says,"No efflorescence, no Vanessa Bell, no consort, no all-fired fancy garb, just call the Banns, marry us part way through morning service and then us can get started on a son and heir for dada, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ Course I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee beloved brass more than anything so I ent going to come out off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the core, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of wanted flowers and the whole bloody shebang.

We went back habitation, I expected Lucy to escape in along with I but her said not boulder clay us was wed so I had to make do with Elsie and her only let me poke her backside.

leash weeks later we was wed. Bloody hell did I know it. I were bloody knackered. Her wanted it break of the day noon and night, afore break fast, during morning fag break, rupture fourth dimension and after tea as well as bed time.

"You'll make me center attack !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the endorsement time in an hr in pit office wi clerk and that trying to look t'other way.

"And all thee poppycock will be mine,"she said her eyes ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee plan,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were unwavering as a pit prop,"So what u'd thee change if I popped me clogs ?"

"Kick our bloody Mam out for a start, and me blooming sisters,"she said,"Get a decent firm what's easy to go along clean and fond handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her bounces up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit blighter what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a breaker point, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. chow her out and the kids, send em down work house."

"You callous bastard !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a dickhead o unspoilt none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that dainty three bed down Abbotoire Road as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big mansion out as flats, send the older female child down pit, lend youngest to chimney end run, and set our Mam up in her own working girl house and charge her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me load in daze."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on table cloth."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in betimes grave you mark my words,"English cocker spaniel Drayton chief clerk muttered.

"I die felicitous,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll fuck thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were jounce of me cracking a jocularity, first time in the 20 class he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what beloved does to thee .