An old tarradiddle reprised.

preeminence All characters are entirely ficticious and my apologia of any category or company name calling have inadvertently been used


My Lady 's Descent, the Butlers Tale.


I was idly cleaning some silverware. The sun was shining through the draught room Windows. The lawns stretched away towards the lake with its island and folly while a gardener snipped ineffectually away at the lawn edges. It was an ordinary summer day.

Mr George Harrison my lord 's stock broker and adviser arrived just after tiffin, he asked no demanded to see my noblewoman with the maximum urgency.

'' But sir, my lady is resting, '' I explained, knowing she was most belike with one deputy Carruthers her latest dalliance.

I went to search her, I went upstairs to her room and knocked decorously, and then as one does I listened intently.

'' Oh yes, '' she was gasping, `` Oh that 's sooo safe, do n't stop. ``

'' There 's someone knocking, '' a man 's voice hissed.

'' Mr Harrison wishes an audience my ma'am, '' I explained through the closed in door.

'' Then have him wear a funny wig and appear at the Adelphi ! '' the man joked.

'' Johnny Reb, '' my Lady whispered, `` Look its Gerald 's banker, I had better go, '' and she shouted `` Just a instant ! ''

Amazingly quickly my dame appeared at the threshold, a vision of prosperous curls and vermillion chiffon, spoiled only by smeared lipstick.

'' My Lady, '' I explained, `` Your lip stick ? ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` Do n't be so goddamn impertinent ! '' but she still looked in the mirror and repaired the damage with a napkin.

'' Good chap, mums the countersign ? '' Carruthers said as he followed her from the elbow room while smoothing his cricket Garden State down and taking his wallet from his whitened cricket trousers he tucked a ten Somalian shilling note in my top sac, `` See myself out, hinder way. '' and he slipped away, the very paradigm of a lounge lizard, or should that be lounge snake.

I left him to his deceit and magic, no doubt the regiment thought he was elsewhere, perhaps he was at cricket and had himself bowled out to give up half an minute for cuckolding but perhaps his enormous ego would not let him to appear LE than a pane at the creese but he was certainly to the highest degree worthless of my lady 's affection.

My dame swept downstairs, `` Mister Harrison, what a pleasant surprise ! '' she simpered.

'' I fear not ma'am Saltcoats, '' he said, `` Can we speak privately ? ``

'' The bailiwick is usable my lady, '' I suggested.

'' He means bugger off Holdford ! '' my lady hissed.

'' Alford my lady, '' I corrected, `` Certainly my peeress. ``

'' Go on then ! '' she hissed and she ushered me away.

I went to the kitchen, I sat on my throne, Mrs Bridge the Captain Cook stood at the sink, `` disoblige Mr Alford ? '' she asked.

I looked at her, expectant breasted, round shouldered and old before her time, `` None of our commercial enterprise Mrs Bridges, '' I said using the courtesy title of Mrs despite the fact she had never married and was likely a virgin, with short prospect of losing that distinction.

'' If you say so sir ! '' she said sarcastically.

I let it go and then suddenly my lady shouted `` No ! ``

I stood and rushed to the study and toss away the door wide of the mark. My lady was aghast, but stood grand from Harrison, `` No, it can not be so ! '' she cried.

'' What have you done sir ? '' I demanded, `` My lady is overwrought ! ``

'' Not I, '' he said, `` I accept no blame. ``

'' For what ? '' I asked.

'' Lord Saltcoats has been declared bankrupt, '' Reginald Carey Harrison explained, `` Receivers have been appointed, my lord has seven calendar years to vacate these premise, meanwhile all bank accounts are rooted. ``

'' What do you think ? '' I demanded.

'' Household write up, all that sort of thing, '' he explained, `` It 's the stock market, and reinsurance, high finance, you would n't interpret. ``

I should take hit him for his insult, but how was he to lie with my honest character ? Instead I congratulated myself on blending so subtly into the fabric of the country house.

'' There will be some residual surely, the London residence ? '' I asked.

'' Mortgaged, '' he said, `` And remortgaged, liabilities vastly exceed the assets. ``

'' Then why let this go on ! '' I queried.

'' None of your stage business, '' he said, `` But I had no idea, none at all, I merely care his lordship 's investment portfolio, of track we made heavy departure, but no to a greater extent than anyone else, less than many, it 's not my fault he started meddling in insurance, none at all ! ``

'' What does it signify, where will we go ! '' my lady demanded.

The telephone rang, in an reflexive physiological reaction I went to the entrance hall to answer it.

'' Rainsford menage, Lord Saltcoats mansion, '' I answered automatically.

'' Alford, is that Alford ? '' soul demanded.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed.

'' Right look its Ted Griggs here, '' he said, `` His lordship 's British capital chauffeur, I got some bad intelligence. ''

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' Look tell Mrs Bridges that master Saltcoats, has disappeared, '' he said.

'' Disappeared, no he 's gone smash. '' I said.

'' well I dropped him off at Victoria around ten o'clock this morning and they said to go menage when I got back, I reckon he legged it to France on the physique de prostitute, '' he meant the Golden Arrow train, `` What do you mean bankrupt ? '' he demanded, `` Oh damn, I ai n't got no to a greater extent pennies tell Mrs Bridges, '' he said after the telephone pinged and suddenly it went deadened Brrrrrrr.

'' It seems his lordship has left left us, '' I said as I returned.

'' Only comely affair, '' Harrison agreed, `` Gun or noose ? ``

'' The gearing ferryboat to France ! '' I corrected.

'' Oh the total cocksucker ! '' my peeress cried.

'' Indeed my dame, '' I agreed and I slipped away.

Generally individual use of his Lordship 's telephony was evidence for instant judgment of dismissal but I no longer cared, and throwing cautiousness to the malarky I booked a call to my coin bank in Liverpool where they were keeping my `` Family flatware, '' in their refuge deposit.

'' Alford ! '' my gentlewoman protested when she saw me at the phone when I should have shown Mr Harrison out, but I ignored her.

She flew at me afterwards, `` How dare you ! '' she said, `` collect your things you are dismissed at once ! ``

'' And how shall you pay me what you owe ? '' I demanded, `` You can not. ``

'' I can drop you with nix ! '' she said, `` No defrayment, no consultation, no character ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried, `` Well perhaps you can pay me. ``

'' No ! hold your matter and go ! '' she said.

'' Perhaps you could pay me the way you pay police lieutenant Carruthers and a few more I might mention ! '' I suggested.

'' No, colza ! '' she wailed and she rushed towards her room.

I followed, I caught her at the doorway and pushed her inside pausing only to run off the door.

'' No ! '' she said, `` Well at least let me untie the hooks, this cost an absolute hazard. ``
'' Of track, '' I said, `` leave me. ``

She sat on the bed as I unfastened her frock, `` Be careful, '' she pleaded and then she stood and it fell around her feet.

Her well rounded boob bulged over her red corset, her red knee pants enclosed by the suspender shoulder strap, and she stood up and laid the dress carefully on the dresser.

'' That 's better, '' she said and she screamed, `` Rape, '' again several times.

'' Ot would appear the US cavalry is otherwise engaged my madam, '' I observed as I removed my highly polished disgraceful place to let out well wear thin grim air-sleeve with protruding big toes, which I hurriedly removed, `` Does deputy Carruthers absent his shirt and under shirt madam ? '' I asked.

'' No, though it is none of your business, '' she declared, `` ravishment ! '' she shouted again.

I removed my jacket crown and shirt front, slipped the composition board collar off and removed my undershirt.

'' Good Almighty, '' she gulped, `` Alford, '' and then I unbuttoned my flies and removed trouser and underpants in a I motion.

'' God, you are pleased to see me are n't you ! '' she exclaimed as she gazed at my manhood as it strained, `` Right, '' she said as she snapped her suspenders away from her stockings and pushed her knickers down before kicking them off her feet.

'' ravishment, '' she shouted again and then, `` Oh well, you wo n't smart me will you, and there are some johnny 's in the dressing table.

'' They spoil the moment my Lady, '' I explained, `` I shall mount up you as the good lord intended. ``

It was nearly a week since my last night off, spent with two buxom whores in the town a deadening ten long nautical mile away by bicycle, and my need was great, and her protests were short but tokens.

'' Do n't pain me, '' she asked again as I gripped her waist as I planted my stifle firmly between hers and blindly aimed my humanness at her.

'' Hey, '' she said, `` Not there, let me, '' and she guided my straining manhood between her unseen twat backtalk and took me to heaven.

'' Do something then, '' she insisted.

'' What ? '' I asked as I luxuriated in the flavour of her moist puss gripping me.

'' I do n't have it away, but it 's not very exciting for me. '' she declared.

I thrust against her, `` Better ? '' I asked.

'' Much ! '' she said, `` And again, that 's easily, '' she said, `` Oh you 're so big, '' she said, `` ass me, you 're going to prison for this so enjoy yourself ! ``

I started to call back of her as a cocotte, a beautiful golden haired high grade cocotte, and then I remembered the calumniate lipstick and I determined to sample her backtalk as well and I dipped my brim to caress hers.

Her clapper emerged instantly, running around my teeth, my mind exploded and so did my stopcock jerking and pumping and flooding her piece, and as our oral fissure parted she was gasping and muttering, `` Oh my god, '' she said and then we stilled.

'' Alford, '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``,

'' What ? '' I asked.

'' If we 're bankrupt '' she said, `` What are we going to do ? ``

'' What is this `` We'suddenly ? '' I asked.

'' Well, what is it to be Alford, violation or 'we', '' she asked quite reasonably.

'' We, '' I said, `` My dame. ``

`` I expect Gerald has, '' she said quietly, `` He wo n't front ruin, he knows I only want his money, I never loved him. ``

'' And the dashing Lieutenant ? '' I enquired.

'' He makes me feel good, '' she said, `` But then to be honest, so do you. ''

She stretched, `` So what is it to be, a prissy cold cellphone or me ? ``

'' What a choice, may I have a present moment to think my lady ? '' I asked.

'' Get dressed, we have appearances to sustain, '' she insisted and she went to dress again.

I too dressed and made my way downstairs, there was a hubbub of interpreter in the kitchen, I went in, `` Mr Alford, or is it My Lord. '' Binks the head gardener challenged.

'' Mr Binks, '' I replied, `` What troubles you ? ``

'' You and her ladyship, '' he said.

'' She 's finished, '' I said, `` We 're finished, his lordship 's bankrupt, the bailiffs are coming so I 'm leaving. ``

'' And ladyship, '' Mrs Bridges asked.

'' Do n't ask me, '' I insisted.

'' She 's leaving with Mr Alford, '' her ladyship said as she came to endure behind me, `` Tonight. ``

I had no intention of leaving so soon yet there was lilliputian detail in remaining, `` We need to talk, '' I explained.

'' We 'll get a hotel room, '' she suggested, `` Do you take ? ``

'' Yes, '' I agreed.

'' Then we 'll take the Rolls, '' she insisted, `` The shooting brake ! ``

We left that same evening, her luggage stowed in every spare infinite it that huge crudely overbodied travesty of a sumptuousness car so wide that she had to sit beside me, and we made our way north.

'' What will you do ? '' I asked.

'' What do you evoke ? '' she replied.

'' Well I doubt cooking or cleansing is to your preference, '' I suggested, `` Whore, fancy woman, courtesan ? ``

'' Yes, '' she agreed, `` I have some money, perhaps we could get a room ? ``

'' Perhaps, but for now, '' I suggested, `` noblewoman Alford and her Chauffeur ? ``

'' reprint bottom ? '' she asked, `` I 'll squall you Alan ! ``

'' One for sleeping and one for work ! '' I joked.

I could n't trust her, I never really intended for her to become a whore but could not risk telling her the truth, maybe I should have, but I didn't.

You see three years before my father had made system for me to act upon in the United States of America, to memorize about the American language scheme of banking which seemed so greatly superior to ours, and while there the bully crash of 1929 erupted through the all economic system.
I was working at a medium sizing metropolis banking company as a sort of assistant manager, and I was right there when the run came, and when it came it all seemed to happen all at once.

ordinary people, regular folks waited in a line right down the street and you did n't need to be a genius to act out we had not even a tenth of the money those people thought they had in their accounts to pay them. We started paying out in the dayspring and by twelve noon the bank vault was abandon, except that is an innocuous cardboard box of big time value visor which somehow found their way in my footlocker, for safe keeping you understand.

Ted X top dog cashier and Jim McFadden the manager came down the money box G. Stanley Hall all glum faced, `` Shut the threshold Jim, '' McFadden said to the safety, `` We 're gone broke. ``

That triggered a near drunken revelry, I slipped out the spine way with my box and in all the confusion I swapped my twenty seven Buick for the janitor 's bicycle and coating and I rode off down the street on that wheel with about a half million one dollar bill in that cardboard box balanced on the hybrid bar.

I went to the apartment I rented, told Mrs Rafferty the concierge I was leaving and I headed north west towards New House of York City on the eve train.

So what do you do when you have half a million dollar bill of someone else 's hard cash ? Why get a job of course.

Except the world and his brother was looking for a job, so I bought some furniture, put my box in a sideboard, had it crated and arranged dispatch to England on the RMS Mauretania and I sailed home 2nd class.
I had my crate put in computer storage and looked for a job, told dad I was still in the state of matter, changed my figure to Alford and forged some references and worked in Liverpool until I fancied some land air and her ladyship took me on as Butler.

She knew my references were forged, she thought she could sack me any meter and that would proceed me in line of work and hold back me telling her husband about her lovers.

But now I had half a million dollars to spend, without being noticed.

We found a squeamish little apartment, it was over a betting store in the Harrow Road, the landed estate agent had hundred of empty properties, we could take our pick.

She had deliverance, we pawned some of her jewellery, we painted the flat, bought layer furniture, I had my stuff from Liverpool sent over and we worked like a real team.

Then when we were all set to open I told her my plan, `` Look, '' I said one eve after a particularly long and gruelling session in bed.

'' I know, Mister flopsy is tired, he needs a kiss, '' she said as she bent to osculate my softened penis.

'' My lady, you do n't need to slumber with anyone, except me, '' I explained, '' I have about half a million dollars to launder, you just say an outre American paid you in dollars. ``

'' But Alan, '' she said, `` We agreed, we did all the workplace, we were going to get a housemaid, start small, progress up, two or three valet de chambre a night to set about with. ``

'' We can just use it as a cover charge, '' I explained.

'' But you promised two or three men a day, '' she said angrily, `` You promised ! ``

'' But surely you do n't want ? '' I asked.

'' And you do n't seriously think you fill me do you ? '' she asked, `` With Mr floppy disk always needing a suck to kick starting time him, for heavens sake ! ``

'' You want to be a sporting lady ? '' I said incredulously.

'' Yes with you there to protect me, '' she said, `` I expect I could do a valet de chambre in forty minutes and a handmaid in ten. ``

'' At the Same prison term ? '' I queried, `` One up the back handing over ? ``

'' Possibly, '' she said, `` But you did the pith, even with a few years a month when we need a stand in we will make a cleanup ! ``

'' But what about us ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, you still get your bit, '' she said, `` But really, seriously, '' she said, `` I need more. ``

We heard zip of Divine Saltcoats and so it was that we opened `` The Lady 's Boudoir '' one even in Sept 1932.

The name was stencilled on the room access beside the betting shop an inside the door we had a kiosk where the receptionist Lillia sat guarding the bottom of the steps and then I would greet the gentlemen, take their chapeau and gloves and stand in attendance in display case they needed assist with fertilisation and always maintain discretion and moderation.

It sickened me, every day she lay in bed from mid forenoon public treasury after midnight while a succession of men used her, `` Good day sir may I take your hat ? '' I would ask and get a insulting glare in replication as baseball mitt were thrown in the hat and the hat handed to me.

We reached agreement for the betting workshop to be our waiting room, every day there was my noblewoman, answering to any epithet under the sun, play acting the afters heart, legs astride, cunt glistening. teats distended, bathed in sweat like as not and then dragging some half defenseless gentleman subtraction pant and underpants but like as not retaining socks and sock brace to her as she grasped his rampant appendage to aim it within her or suck it to life or completion.

Hairy asses bobbling as they pounded her, sentence after time, workweek after calendar week, calendar month after month until every ounce of pity I had for her was primer coat to nada by the friction of genitals upon crotch.

I rented a house for us in Middlesborough terrace so we could get away from her employment, but she was always too tired so I had the early chamber converted to another work room, bare floors and a simple mattress.

They paid extra for the dewy-eyed mattress, the more than soiled it got the better they liked it because it stopped being gentlemen and instead it was anyone who won a bet on the horses.

They all wanted to fuck a very well lady on a soiled mattress.

'' Maybe you would prefer standing against a rampart in the ginnel ? '' I asked in a moment of foolhardy sarcasm.

'' And how often supernumerary would that be ? '' the fella asked quite seriously.

'' Double, '' I said flippantly.

'' Then I 'll have that ! '' he agreed.

She used the court, the ginnel was too public and she wore a pair of cog and a servant smock, sometimes we had three men waiting while a fourth fucked her standing against the wall.

Sometimes Lillia pretended to be the lady, if she remembered to keep her rima oris shut, when not clamped around a customer 's member that is, she was fine, except it made too much work for me keeping an eye on two fancy woman, taking money and everything.

One night a Irishman asked me to fuck him up the ass while he fucked Lillia. I declined, but it gave me an musical theme, `` So where do you get you 're ass fucked ? '' I asked.

He told me, I out an advert in the window and got ten inquiry in two hours.

I gave Harry the job, he liked nothing better than wearing a skirt with nothing under it, usually he wore a kilt but his Geordie idiom betrayed him and he relished the theme of ramming his meat up valet de chambre 's derriere while they shafted our whores.

He seemed entirely capable so I left him to it, and gradually did to a lesser extent and less sentence at the Boudoir and he became more or less the manager while I planned my next move.

I went to British capital and became delayed with my affairs and came north again to check on my lady.

She was not there, `` Gentlemen want variety sir, I got some new girls in, '' Harry explained.

'' But she was the unanimous ground ! '' I pleaded, `` Where is she ? ``

'' Blowed if I know sir, '' he said, `` I just thought she were a harlot, sir. I never thought she was your special whore. ``

I went out to assay her, I asked around until I heard of somebody bread and butter in a hut by the railway and earning a crust from plate layers and the like.

I had to get hold her and bought a bowler hat and gaberdine coating like a railway line official and marched down to the railing yards.

There was no signaling of her, but then a lucky stroke, `` You going for a jar Tam ? '' someone asked a driver as his shift ended.

'' Och so I will, after I poke the lady, '' was his reply.

I followed, he went to the engineman 's barracks, where the long space men lodged before returning rest home, and there I found her au naturel but for a coat open at the front sitting on an engine man 's locker listening to the tales of engines.

'' Enginemen only sir, '' the helper said politely but firmly.

'' I came to see her, '' I said and pointed, `` How are you ? ``

'' Well, '' she said and she smiled, `` Were you worried ? '' she asked.

'' Yes, you were not at the house, '' I explained.

'' That Harry was beastly, '' she said, `` He wanted to blame more, but I just want sex. ``

'' And now ? '' I asked.

'' They are lovely, all these lonely men to comfort, '' she said, `` They make me feel wanted. ''

I looked at her, her blonde hairsbreadth seemed to be silvering, her skin once like alabaster now weatherbeaten, `` I 'll keep back an account for your money, you know where to ascertain me, '' I explained, `` Oh Geoffrey turned up, '' I added, `` He 's working as a Gigolo in three-card monte Carlo, maybe you two were made for each other after all. ``

'' Maybe, '' she admitted but the Scotchman had her in his coal dusted arms and his black custody ran through her hair and his contraband lips brushed her ruby brim and it was more than I could put up to see.

I hid my tears and left her even as she gasped in approval as her Scotsman buff took her to heaven once more .