Back in the 18th hundred a small page visits a jeweller's shop.


"So lets get this straight. You say Prince Charming wants a gilded dildo, 10 centimetre in girth and 40 centimeters in length and encrusted with baseball field ?"

Buttoni, Prince Charming's page looked at the jeweler and nodded,"Indeed,"he agreed.

"fountainhead we're right out of stock at present squire,"the jeweller admitted,"We got ivory and glass, bronze even, but gold with diamonds, well sorry squire, but there's no demand."

"His highness says he will ingest you killed if you will not supply one,"Buttoni suggested.

"carnival enough, how does Thursday sound ?"

"Why not today ?"Buttoni.

"Got to make a mildew squire, can't just rain cats and dogs molten gold down some pitiful Slovack ‘ s ass hole anymore, health and safety see ?"the jewelry maker complained

"Are you sure you are a jeweller and not the village idiot ?"Buttoni asked.

"Jehovah no sir, concluding twelvemonth I come tierce in the hamlet idiot contest, but I'm training hard for succeeding year."

The jeweller knew a time destroyer when he saw one and Buttoni was a prime example. Everyone knew he was Prince Charming's make out gripe.

Prince Boris or ‘ Prince Charming,'as they called him. Pretty as a Inachis io, bent as a corkscrew. Everyone knew. All the ladies loved him but he preferred taking it up the ass.

"When can I await your master to come so I can make a moulding ?"the jeweler asked.

"It's for a woman you dog !"Buttoni sighed.

"I can do you a good glass one for twenty dollar bill five guilder,"the jeweller offered,"The slipper we calls it on explanation of it being so smooth that it slips in easily."The glass slipper."

"Why so cheap ?"Buttoni asked.

"Second hired hand, was the wife's mothers, cunt like a bucket, it just needs a bit of a clean."

"Done !"Buttoni cried not realising he had been done as the glassful was actually made as an learner firearm and twice the size of any other.

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Buttoni rushed back to the palace. He liked his job as varlet but he was not too keen on people thinking he was Charming's lover. The Prince was not gay, he was just shy with fille with a talent for saying the improper thing and when the sentence came either he couldn't get it up or he got too activated and came in his pants. He was ok in the whorehause but back in 1750 marrying a tart was generally considered to be a bad move for the Royal Family PR wise.

"Your Highness !"he blustered,"I have just had this smashing idea."

"Not again,"Prince Charming sighed,"What is it this time ? Invade Russia, Dig a tunnel, work up a glider in the loft, slay a dragon ?"

"A clump !"Buttoni cried,"Hold a ball !"

"Baseball, tennis ball ?"Charming asked.

"No a dance, a big saltation, a masked egg, invite all the eligible wenches,"Buttoni suggested.

"Mother tried that,"Charming remembered,"I spent the evening hiding in the loo !"

"But this clock time we say you met your confessedly love and she left a love token and you have to find her !"Buttoni enthused.

"And what form of souvenir ?"Charming asked.

"Her field glass dildo !"Buttoni chuckled,"Look !"

Charming looked, he thought it was a large bottle of schnapps Buttoni was carrying until he saw the shape.

"You have got to be kidding !"he gasped as he saw the fiend,"Wow, can you imagine those spoilt cocker simpering frigid squawk Mother tries to handle me off with with that monster inside them !"

"Exactly !"Buttoni agreed as he surreptitiously tried to line up his gasp as his cock swelled at the thought process of it."And struggling to get the teras inside their pissed pink hairless pussy !"Buttoni suggested.

"And hirsute unity Buttoni !"the Prince added.

"Actually it gets even better,"Buttoni chuckled."It's called a"Glass Slipper !"

"Actually,"Charming thought aloud,"With the right PR we can bury about having a ball, we'll say it happened at the last masked Lucille Ball !"

"And you'll marry the girl it fits ?"Buttoni suggested.

"If she's pretty !"Charming laughed,"But seriously.

"So shall we ?"Buttoni asked hopefully

"High five !"Charming agreed.


"We will say I met my admittedly sexual love at the masked nut and she lost her Glass slider,"Charming explained to his mother and father over breakfast,"And whosoever it fits I shall marry."

"Run the costings past my people and we'll get back to you,"Martin Luther King Jr. Harald suggested.

"It is pocket money Padre not chapiter bill,"Charming lied.

"Capital, I mean excellent !"King Harald cried,"I'm sick and tired of people thinking there's something amiss with you."

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They put a small-scale ad in the Bayerisch bugleweed the local free ads news show sheet and opened a minor shop class on Munchen street with a waiting area and a cubicle with a bed. Buttoni and Charming waited. Charming had disguised himself by wearing a peasant's smock, though the thigh length blackness leather rush with gold buckle sorting of gave the biz away.

"how-do-you-do, I think I might be the miss he's looking for ?"Helga one of the bawd from Madame L'Oiseaux's establishment stated boldly.

"Indeed, come through. I am Buttoni valet to Prince Charming and this is my assistant Dumbkoph,"Buttoni explained as he indicated Prince Charming sitting there in disguise.

"Is this yours my dear ? '' Buttoni asked as he brandished the 4 dm long dildo menacingly.

"You bloody pervert !"Helga cried,"I thought you meant a skid !"and she slapped him polish up the face and stormed out.

"Feisty,"Buttoni observed ruefully.

"Wonderful,"Charming sighed,"Maybe we should have slayed a dragon."

"Yes,"Buttoni agreed,"Or maybe we are on the wrong shroud ?"

Just then a beautiful young girlfriend stepped into the shop,"Is this where we try the slipper on ? '' she asked,"Only Mummy sent me."

"Actually it's a dildo,"Buttoni explained somewhat bluntly.

"Really ?"she gasped,"I did enquire where I lost mine."

"What ?"Charming asked.

"Oh yes my good friend charlotte and I exchanged Dildoes last winter at the Winterfest, and I lost mine."the young lady admitted.

"Your good friend ?"Buttoni asked.

"Oh yes we shared a room at schooltime, and a bed on cold nights."the girl explained,"But since I lost my dildo I have to get my maid Hetta to fist me when I get PMT."

Charming looked unsteady on his feet, a blood vessel in his forehead pulsed wildly,"Your Highness, are you all right ?"the young woman asked.

"He has just cum in his knickers,"Buttoni explained,"He has this problem."

"It really doesn't topic I'm gay too !"the girlfriend admitted,"Can I try it ?"

"Yes why not."Charming agreed.

"You're Prince Charming aren't you ?"the daughter declared."Why are you wearing such a stupid camouflage ?"

"He is shy,"Buttoni explained,"But really why would you desire to try a dildo when you're gay ?"

"Why not, I don't fantasy men, he doesn't fancy woman, sounds perfect !"the girl explained,"And with a skillful big dildo to toy with even better."

"Well then,"Butoni produced the trash dildo from a sack and suggested,"What do you think of that ?"

"My god !"the girl agreed,"It's huge !"

Her eye were wide with avaritia as Buttoni handed it to her,"It's sooo much nicer than mine !"she said."So lovely and legato !"

She looked one shot,"You don't expect ; You're not going to keep an eye on are you ? You filthy swine ! Well at least mesh the door first."

And with that she sat down on the floor, pulled up her voluminous skirts and underskirts and began to gently rub her clit.

"Do you have to watch ?"she asked.

"Absolutely,"Buttoni insisted as the female child tried to get a finger up inside herself.

"Oh well do something utilitarian then, can you suck my titty ?"she asked as she undid the lacing on her bodice to unwrap her impressive boobies.

Buttoni bent to the task,"And you, I do take two of them."she reminded them."One each."

The Prince too leaned over the daughter and began to suck her nipple.

"Ohhh that's sooo good !"she cooed as number one one then two fingers slipped inside her moistening cunt.

"That's three fingers,"she said,"dungeon on."

She was frigging herself urgently now, four digit slipped inside her, then the unit of her diminutive deal as she fisted herself.

The girl gasped."Hetta usually takes over now, she has a swelled deal than me, but can we try it ?"

Buttoni reached for the dildo and handed it to the girl.

She pressed it against her slit but it barely penetrated at all. Even though her pussy was dilated enough to take her fist the dildo was much too wide-eyed to go more than 3 centimeters inside her.

"I need some lube."she said."Do you have any ?"

"Princy boy has probably cum in his trouser by now if cum would assist ?"Buttoni suggested between sucks.

"Er yes."Prince Charming agreed as he dropped his breeches."supporter yourself."

The girl looked at Charming's long ping Pole. A small drop of pre cum glistened on his shaft end,"Er sorry,"Charming apologised."False alarm."

The girl smeared pre cum over the dildo."Why don't you shoot your incumbrance over the dildo to really lube it ?"she suggested.

"Why doesn't he stick it in you and really lubricate you, stretch your slit and all that ?"Buttoni suggested.

"Because he's gay favourite, everyone knows that !"the girl explained.

"Damn you !"Prince Charming exclaimed."I am not gay, look I'll appearance you."

He lunged forward, tripped over his breeches and fell over the girl forcing her backwards and almost bashing her capitulum on the floor.

"Ummm, you smell like a daughter,"she whispered as he fumbled around repeatedly poking her with his cock until he finally found her cunt.

His tool slipped easily into her velvety twat. He luxuriated in her warmth. It was like fucking a whore without having to watch the clock or pay for it.

"Oi get on with it !"the missy complained,"Shoot your load and let your page have a go !"

"Be unruffled I was enjoying that !"Charming exclaimed.

"You're not supposed to delight it,"the girl complained,"Another ten minutes then all right wing ?"

Charming was not too sure he could hold on for ten minutes. The tidy sum of Bavaria swept through his mind. He was an Eagle soaring above the ceiling tops. He was in heaven with the angels. He was swimming in the Rhine. He was cumming. A brilliant waterspout of cum burst from his shaft and saturated her parts.

"Ohhhhh."he gasped.

"Oooooohhhh,"she responded.

"Will it fit ?"Buttoni asked,"Or shall I have a go ?"

"Of class it wont fit you moron,"the daughter explained,"Look I'm gay. I lost my virtue to a girl. Now that I've been fucked by the Prince in forepart of informant, I'm home plate free."

"What ? you wanted me to fuck you ?"Prince Charming demanded.

"Give the boy an Malus pumila, got it in one.,"the girl replied.

"Do you have no esteem for me at all ?"Charming enquired.

"No. None."she replied.

"Buttoni, your knife please,"Charming asked.

"What do you want that for ?"the female child asked.

"Why to elaborate your snatch if you can't take the dildo."he replied.

"All right, I'll try again."she agreed but no matter what location she tried it in she could not impel it to a greater extent than 5 centimeters inside her.

It was no good. It was far too large.

"You have twenty four hours."Charming insisted.

"But how ?"she pleaded.

"Its up to you."Charming insisted,"Send the others away. You fetch your all-night bag. Buttoni you mind the shop."

The girl quickly rearranged her clothing and went to the door.

"Where does that jeweller oeuvre ?"Prince Charming asked.

"Why in Wisebaden Strasse,"Buttoni replied,"But why ?"

"One methamphetamine hydrochloride dildo, a lot dilutant, get the mind ?"the Prince suggested.

"But why, there are still circle of cunts to stretch ?"Buttoni asked in horror.

"I like that one,"Prince Charming declared,"Anyway, let's see if she is poor fish enough to come up back.

"Errr,"the girl said,"There's quite a queue."

Buttoni went to the threshold, he let the little girl out and slammed the door quickly."Mine gott, they stretch to the townsfolk square."

"Right,"Prince Charming agreed,"We need a franchise."

"What ?"Buttoni asked.

"Lookalikes who look like me could subscribe to turns to take my place !"Prince Charming suggested excitedly.

"And where do you find these people ?"Buttoni asked.

"I don't. You do,"Prince Charming laughed."You have an hr, put the closed for luncheon sign up."

Buttoni sneaked out the punt door and headed for the Bier-Hause. He had a few dry pint of schnapps for Prussian Courage and headed for the Guards Barracks. He went to the mess and quickly recruited not only four stand ins for the prince but a thoroughgoing royal body precaution for only a calendar month pay from each.

Meanwhile Prince Charming introduced a nominal disposal fee for every girl who tried the dildo and set up a till on the store counter and a listing of the scale of charges, including try twice get a third try rid !

Within the time of day Buttoni sneaked back in the stake way and Prince Charming sneaked out and left them to it.

Even the excitement of watching young ladies trying to choke up a 400 millimeter dildo up their puss pales after a while and within the month most of the guardsmen had gone back to the barracks as daughter after girl ruined their virtue trying to fuck a lump of glass.

Sweet hairless pink pussy, big hairy cunt, neatly trimmed loins, untidy overgrown chaparral, some with gouge from shaving. Shy young miss, raddled old witch, the aegir, the shy, those coerced, not one could get the ogre even half way up.

Finally the queue dwindled and Buttoni shut up workshop and returned to the palace to look the money.

The big businessman was delighted, the queen exasperated and so animation returned to normal with Prince Charming sneaking down the whorehouse every Tues Th and Saturday and poking the Captain James Cook most mornings.

The queen despaired of marrying Prince Charming off but one William Ashley Sunday there was a commotion at the castle gate. The pikesmen on guard tariff were barring entree to an irate untested char."Let me in !"a young woman screamed."That Prince Charming bastard got me meaning !"

Prince Charming wandered down to the gate."That's him !"the fille howled.

"You're the girl from the shop !"he exclaimed.

"Six damned fourth dimension I paid to try that damned dildo and you were not there once !"she snarled.

"Did it fit ?"he asked.

"No !"she snapped,"Of coures it didn't and I got pregnant !"

"Is it mine ?"he asked.

"Either that or it's spick conception, of course it is !"she snapped.

"carnival enough,"Prince Charming agreed,"Let her in, you had adept meet mother."

"What just like that ?"she exclaimed.

"You haven't met mother,"he explained

He took the little girl to his mother's sitting way,"Ah mother I am afraid I have made this girl pregnant,"he announced.

"Really, and what is her name ?"the queer asked.

"No idea,"Prince Charming admitted.

"Typical,"the lady friend sighed,"It's Ella, my friends call me cinder because I'm red hot !"

"Oh god you're a lesbian !"the queen gasped.

"I was,"she admitted,"It's hard to be hot when you're throwing up every morning."

"And this is your intended ?"the queen asked.

"Well lets face it,"Prince Charming declared,"When the child comes out there is picayune doubt the dildo will go back in."

"Dildo, what dildo ?"the queen asked.

"Its this big round,"the little girl said as she described the size of it with her hands,"And this long."

"And what pray do you see in this, this fornicatress !"the queen asked.

"She is awless, froward, likes char so she's unlikely to get off with a footman, she's nonpareil queen material,"he declared.

"So you think I'm headstrong, disrespectful and unbelievable to chase footmen do you ?"the queen enquired.

"Well two out of three isn't bad,"he laughed rather inappropriately.

"Oh well, if you must !"the queen admitted,"So, ah Cinders, what do you like about my son ?"

"He's loaded,"she admitted."mammy said I should give it a go. Actually he smells like a girl and I really liked it when he fucked me."

"Oh, that's good."Prince Charming agreed.

"We don't say ‘ roll in the hay'in the castle dear,"the queen explained,"We say ‘ Make love'much less messy don't you think ? So, clinker, when did you think of getting married ?"

"Married ? no way !"the lady friend insisted,"I just want youngster support."

"Well I'm sorry but we don't do that,"the poove insisted,"We are rather old fashioned so either you marry Charming or we lock you in the keep and beat you and starve you until you're not pregnant any more. ``

"Oh well in that case,"she said resignedly,"I suppose I will have to give it some unplayful thought."

"Actually it's my night for the house of ill repute, how about we get a take away Knackwurst and stay in and watch the servant fornicating instead."Prince Charming suggested.

"Yes devout excellent idea !"the tabby agreed.

"Not you mother, clinker !"Prince Charming suggested.

"And if I don't ?"cinder asked.

The queen looked askance at the girl,"We will get the take away and take in the handmaiden fornicating you, two, maybe three at a metre ?"

"Men or girls ?"she asked.

"Men, girls, horses, dogs, the penguin from the zoo,"the queen explained,"Good god girl half the little girl in the kingdom want to bed my Charming."

"All right, but no funny concern,"the girl agreed.

"Absolutely,"Prince Charming confirmed,"Just straight missioner would be good."

"You are not fucking me again !"the daughter insisted.

"Not fucking dear, making love, it sounds so a good deal nicer,"the queen insisted.

"You liked it last-place meter,"Prince Charming reminded her.

"Only because you smell like a girl,"she explained.

"Very exacting my Charming, a bath every Friday and clean underpants every week,"the queen confirmed,"Anyway where is this famed dildo, it does vocalize rather fun ?"

Prince Charming and the girl looked at each former and burst out laughing.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well the lady friend wasn't pregnant after all, something Charming rapidly put right, Buttoni got some backers to put up 1000 florin for the first single girl to get the dildo up and he made quite a decent business out of it, girls paying to try it, men paying to follow. The jeweller never did get paid and the humble dildo he made is probably still in stock. Buttoni married Cinder's friend Charlotte after he had a tub, doused himself in Eau de Cologne and basically jumped her one Nox. The nance had a replica glass dildo made in bonze which she greatly enjoys and the queen spends his time talking to his plants in the garden and tampering in government like kings do.

And therein lies the moral of this tale, if you want to pull, give a bath and wear clean underpants