I arrived at Allerton Granville Stanley Hall unannounced, dressed in the classic flair of a landed gentleman while riding in a tolerably sassy pusher pulled by a matched duo of Charles Grey, driven by one Mr Barrington from Devonshire who had become my friend masquerading as a coachman.

The Earl Howarth 's Butler rushed out in agitation call `` Are you expected sir, only His blessing is away at the whipping Sir. '' His goodwill indeed, as if he was a Prince or Archbishop not a mere Earl.

'' Oh ! Then direct me pray, '' I requested, in as imperious manner as I could muster.

'' In the townspeople sir, Allerton, in the square toes sir, at the lashing sir, '' he said deferentially whereas by right he should be ordering us hence.

'' And the ma'am Catherine ? '' I asked.

He paused as if confused, `` At the whipping sir. ``

'' Then to Allerton, '' I directed, and Barrington obeyed instantly cracking the whip and Forth River we lunged with flying hooves and myself desperate to retain monomania of my ridiculously tall hat..

'' I could get a appreciation for this John ! '' he turned and grinned at me and in that moment we shaved a gatepost by a whisker, `` better than mining, '' he commented.

'' Hah, not as lucrative, '' I laughed, `` And not as safety with your drive, you better let me repel ! ``

We changed places and also changed coats and hats and we continued on our way, laughing.

I drove into Allerton at a good lick and swung into the lame, thank god Barrington was alert because a boil mass of human beings confronted us and if he had not thrust the sprag through a wheel there should have been carnage for we should never have stopped.

I sat and stared, never having seen its like except at a hanging in Bodmin in Aug, for a great wooden stage had been set up against the Red Lion alehouse across from St Agnes church building the whole market foursquare was packed with all classes and upon that stage a serving bird was being whipped, she was naked to the waist, her gown or shift ripped from her and dangling from the string around her waist and her cloaked leather clad teaser, the hangman Jenkins I fancied, was flaying her already scarred and bloodied back and then as she sought to keep off his blows by turning away he struck her shapely exposed breasts and the teats thereon with a measured ferocity.

Her men were manacled and uselessly chained together and the range tied to a high irradiation high above her head which served to hold her so she could do nil but stand or swing uselessly from the articulatio radiocarpea atomic number 26 from which a trail of blood seeped already.

The crowd were transfixed and so fixed in their attention that they paid us no heed but I supposed that a public whipping was the height of their time of year, and all classes were present, merchant and peasants, workers and nobleness indeed the Earl and Countess looked on from tiered seating set up for the purpose, the Lord Graham, his son, by his position and the gentlewoman Phillipa his younger daughter with them, but I looked in vain for the Lady Catherine.

'' We 'll tether the cavalry and walk back, '' I suggested and I expertly backed the baby buggy through a T turn and tethered the team outside the Dragon Inn.

The amah was nothing but a limp and bloodied batch when I returned, and his worship Mr Justin Duncan Grant the Judge of the Trentham court of assize and nisi prius was mounting the steps to the stage, `` Observe and observe well one and all, '' he shouted to the assembled multitude, `` His Grace Earl Howard told me to lend oneself the law in its full moon force, and here you see I shirked not my responsibleness, and I commend and command that three months hence you shall assemble again to find the punishment I laid down. ``

He paused for breathing spell, `` Note well that when I exercised leniency by refraining from having the skirt transported to the antipodes, I was determined that penalisation should never the lupus erythematosus be carried out and seen to be carried out, and have you seen punishment ? '' he asked, `` Have you ? ``

There was a murmuration, `` Have you seen that I justice Grant am a man of my word and all are equalise in my court, that the dispirited maid and highest ma'am can have a bun in the oven equality of discussion ? '' he demanded. There was a murmur of approval. `` That the Lady Catherine received no druthers when she abused her corporate trust and stole a novelty, as she called it, one that should be a servant five years toil ? ``

It hit me like a maul hammer, the serving wench was the peeress Catherine, all bloodied and beaten.

'' Six calendar month has she toiled in the playing field and six More shall she toil, '' he shouted, `` I offered mildness should she confess as you all heard, but she will not admit her guilty conscience, will not confess, will not apologize and without contrition there can be no lenity, no easy life as a household servant so shall she stay on as the low-down farm daughter until the after one year and a day then she shall be dismissed and be cast from her proletariat for her father to disown, I suggest she may have found the antipodes preferable so be be warned one and all, '' he shouted his vocalisation rising to a crescendo, `` Thou shalt not steal. ``

'' That 's Catherine of Aragon ! '' I gasped to Barrington.

'' The female child you keep talking about ? '' he demanded.

'' Indeed. '' I replied, scarcely believing my auricle and eyes, `` That 's Catherine II. ``

The shock of seeing Catherine was profound, to see her displayed so cruelly as a thief, I could scarce think it. I scarce recognised her as she was cut down, nasty bloodied and yet to my eyes beautiful, though her hair was no longer neatly cut and her cheeks were now not painted but naturally ruddy and her shoulder firmed and muscled, and then as the ropes were cut and she fell and sprawled in the dirt so her displacement fell away revealing an Fe chastity belt.

A large jape arose and jarred Catherine from her astonished immobility and she grabbed her torn duster around her, heroic to bear on the modesty that in truth was lost, and all the while her eyes were crying but her crying had run dry until just the tear tracks remained in the dirty word of her face.

'' That 's your girl ? '' Barrington queried, `` She 's a beauty ! ``

'' Do n't joke, '' I warned.

'' I do not ! '' he said, `` I bet she scrubs up really nice. ``

I realised she had an iron arrest around her neck and she was taken down from the stage and chained barefoot behind a droppings cart hauled by an ox and so was she pulled from the square.

'' What now ? '' Barrington asked.

'' Find Catherine, '' I suggested, `` Follow that cart ! ``

It was a retard and painful process, but by and by we made progress until at length the yokel riding the cart saw we were no menace to them and pulled Catherine II aboard so the Ox could continue at its trump footstep which in all silver dollar was no near than when Catherine of Aragon had been staggering behind.

Its destination was his Lordship piggery, set away from the briny mansion and farm because of the smell it was a low rock built construction with a endocarp tile roof on timbers, and there in the mud and foulness lived his Lordship 's copper, and with them we soon discovered also resided Catherine chained as she was to an iron in the bulwark which I noted his Lordships agent fastened her Ernst Boris Chain with a pad lock.

'' And what 's your interest here master Matson ? '' he asked as he spied me watching.

'' I have been away sir, '' I replied, `` I am most peculiar as to why the Lady Catherine is so hardened. ``

'' She 's no Lady ! '' he laughed, `` A sow like the residuum, '' he said and he tore away the last of her clothes leaving her naked, `` She 'll get plentifulness of swill come dawn and she can enjoy a life sentence of simpleness, '' he laughed, `` No sir I must ask that you be gone as this is individual ground. ``

'' Oh, yes indeed, '' I agreed, `` virtually certainly, good day sir. ``

'' What now sir ? '' Barrington asked as we went away.

'' Find your beloved in Rotherham of form ! '' I ordered, `` expend me at my father 's and take the rig. ''

I directed him the way to my fathers modest abode standing as it did high on the hillside overlooking hayfield and lea my father pretended to the creation that he owned, yet sadly such was not the case, indeed there was a time in my young when my Church Father spoke to me earnestly, `` john, '' he said, `` You are the one-time son of a second son, you have a good name but no destiny, so my son it is for you to make your own circumstances, shall you bring together the reserves, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law. ``

'' No Father, '' I had answered `` I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Indeed, '' he exclaimed, `` And splice a princess ? ``

'' No the dame Catherine the Great. '' I said proudly, though in accuracy at that meter I had barely substitution two dozen password with the girl.

'' Ha ! '' he exclaimed, `` Earl Howarth 's girl ! '' he laughed, `` Oh my lord what a opinion ! '' he laughed but Uncle Henry lent the money for my education and I attended Salford University and studied geology and chemistry and the way to establish honour of the precious metals with an eye to seeking gold prospecting and so by degrees my education progressed until with a loan from Father that he could ill open I bought transit to Mexico.

I had a close summer at home, a legal brief spell of saltation and fetes, and I saw the dame Catherine II often, I amused her, it seemed, but she sought not entertainment but a rich suer to woo her, but for the patch my troupe sufficed when there was no more eligable batchelor present tense and indeed such was our companionability that the Earl himself challenged my intentions.

'' Why to earn a fortune in the New humanity and wed Catherine sir, '' I replied.

'' And if you return penniless ? '' he asked.

'' I do not intend to devolve penniless, '' I explained, `` Either I return with funds or not at all that is my intention. ``

'' Then do not deflect Catherine, you amuse her, but she has but a unretentive season, you do interpret ? '' he asked reasonably.

'' I shall be gone before the London time of year starts sir, '' I said, `` I shall not trouble her again unless I return well set up. ``

I set of for Mexico but sea illness afflicted me and it was a swell respite when we hit a gale off the Longships Reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs, and once ashore nothing would stimulate me to venture to sea ever again, and it was in Cornwall and not the new world that I made my fortune.

thus it was with soft disinterest that Fatherhood watched Barrington drive the carriage up to our house and then he watched in amazement as I descended, only to reckon its disappearance when I had unloaded my own baggage as augury that it was as a bare rider in a hire impartation rather than the man of core as I appeared.

It was Mother that rushed to greet me, `` John where have you been ? '' she asked, `` Have you made your fortune ? '' she asked.

I admitted to a fortune of a thousand pounds and she insisted on hearing how I had fared before I even removed my bags from the roadside.

'' I have been mining silver, '' I said.

'' In the America 's ? '' sire asked.

'' No, Cornwall. '' I replied, `` I bought passage to Mexico from Plymouth on the `` Pallister '' under Captain Trelawney but as soon as we passed from the Tamar river into the unfold sea I was rendered incapable with the sea illness, and when we sprang a timber off the Longships reef and had to limp into Newlyn for repairs nothing would induce me to venture to sea ever again. ``

'' Ha typical ! '' Father replied, `` Did I not distinguish you that as the oldest son of a second son, you have a good figure but no fortune, and to create your own fortune by joining the reserves, the Admiralty, the Church ? he asked, `` Or the Law ? ``

'' Yes founding father, '' I agreed, `` And I said I shall be an adventurer and travel the world in search of treasure. ``

'' Then it 's a great ignominy you found none such. '' he added.

'' fountainhead male parent I worked the Wheal Claire mine, Captain Trelawney 's pal 's mine and found atomic number 47. '' I told him, `` He thought I made a pittance from Tin, but it was silver, he said there was tin there in the worked out lead seams and gave directions, just above the water he said, and there it was a thin seam and I started on my own with a quite a little axe and a bundle of candle, and I recognised the Ag comportment ore and crushed my own stone by candle light, and made my own window pane using my education to the wide-cut and dissolved the silver from the crushed rock candy and cast my own flatware ingots, but the vein was not extensive, too thin to mine easily so I cut and propped barely a six inch expansion slot in the rock 'n' roll and gradually worked all I could reach.

When it was all but worked out I made Telawney an fling, `` What say you that I buy the mine, '' I put the proposition to him. ''

'' His old cheek turned into a grin, '' I explained, `` He named a cost and I agreed, and then I recruited Barrington at Devonport near Plymouth and we scraped that silver crease clean as deep as we dared, and we, Barrington and I took our treasure to Truro art object by opus moulded and cast into ingots and had it 's whiteness confirmed and marked to prove it was indeed silver gray and as an aside we made anchor ring and gaud by selective casting and we travelled the jewellers selling gewgaw rings and pieces of flatware and with the proceeds I paid for the mine, and then we showed luck of it to selected men of wealth saying there was splinter there and machinery was needed to mine the venous blood vessel any further and I sold percentage until I was quite bought out and now I am returned. ``

I did n't mention I sent my first ring to Lady Catherine, I had its purity checked and hallmarked by Truro Assay function and I sent it anonymously but within the inside circle I engraved, `` To my love JM. '' so she should know she was in my idea always.

'' A Fairy story, '' Church Father averred, `` but come in and have an duplicate topographic point set at dinner mother. ``

'' What happened to ma'am Catherine the Great ? '' I asked as we relaxed after dinner,

'' She stole a ring, '' Father said, `` A trinket from Lady Fowler. ``

'' Yes, a solid ash gray pack, '' female parent said, '' From Lady Henry Watson Fowler. ``

'' Oh it was all over the County and to think you thought to espouse her ! '' Father joked, `` There was something, Lady Fowler would have forgotten the whole matter of Catherine would take wed her Francis, but she refused and avowed Francis sent her the ring, which he denied. ``

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Oh it was such a fuss, '' mother said, `` All smart set attended, the judge, jurist Grant, insisted that the law were carry on for her as for the abject ordering and when it was all over he found her shamefaced and ordered she should be stripped of her finery and her titles and whipped four multiplication at equinoxes or the nearest Sat thereto and should answer as peeress fowler 's retainer for a year and a day. ``

'' She said I should rather tend hogs in a theater ! '' Father added, `` So the Judge he said. ``

'' He said very well, the condemnation is to tend hogs, '' Mother squealed.

'' And his Grace passed a bill to the evaluator. '' Father added.

'' And the jurist ordered her to wear an iron chastity belt ! '' mother chuckled, `` Just suppose. ''

'' What happened ? '' I asked.

'' Tell him Gerald, '' Mother suggested, `` I shall retire. ``

Father took up the taradiddle, `` They dragged her to the cellular phone, it was poor, she came with her father and female parent and sister and brother, she screamed for them pleaded her innocence and they just watched as she was taken away, silently, and then when the whispers started that she would n't be flogged at all his grace of God paid for a stage to be built beside the Red Panthera leo and promised fee ale and had the jurist bring her to the foursquare on the Saturday of the equinoctial point all dressed up, but chained hands and foot and there they had the hangman strip her to her under transmutation, tearing her wearing apparel right away and then he tore even that away so her bag were liberal and then he called the blacksmith and they had a hearth going and they rivetted an branding iron collar around her cervix like any common malefactor and hung it from a light beam. ``

'' Rivetted ? '' I queried.

'' Red hot stud, how she screamed, '' he said, and then the judge said 'One hundred lashes !'One hundred, that 's twice the usual for a thief but you see it was a valuable pack, antique silver, and the hangman took up the whip and was merciless, left and the right way in flip-flop strokes, first he bared her buttocks so we could see the rap and when he made her bleed there he bared her back and then thrashed pedigree into it, an inch apart every in very near he covered, and when he tired of that he thrashed her movement. ``

'' Her white meat ? '' I gasped in astonishment.

'' Yes and her mamilla, criss hybridization hither and thither her ams were shackled budget items so she could not protect herself you see and her belly, he whipped that, some it was nearer two hundred lashes and all she could say was'I 'm sinless .'

'' Then what ? '' I asked.

'' Oh she fainted, '' Father said remembering, `` So they revived her with throwing urine at her from chamber pot, then he finished thrashing, they tore off her shoes and stockings and they drew the Earl 's goop spreading haul up and chained her behind it and set the ox off with a report from a pistol, of course being a fine madam, ''

Mother returned, `` Oh yes she was n't used to walking barefoot on cobblestone and she form of jumped and hopped and everybody laughed and hooted and threw rotted vegetables and all sorts of filth at her. ``

'' They put a sack around her to obliterate her nudeness, '' Father added, `` And they took her to the Earls pig sty and let her slumber and live with the pigs, she measures out their swill, some say she contribution it because they do n't feed her. ``

'' And how is she ? '' I asked.

'' Filthy and angry, '' female parent said, `` The bumpkin used to like to torment her but they do n't see the breaker point anymore so she gets left alone. ``

'' The Beadle has her road fixing though, '' beginner added, `` rock music breaking, which is Isle of Man work really but the jurist agreed it was fair. ``

'' To remember you wanted to hold your hat up to a common felon, she 'll have to become a handmaiden or marry a yokel, '' mother said.

'' Enter a brothel more like, '' founder said because he knew of such things being a former Militia man.

'' Gerald please ! '' Mother snapped.

'' I see, and all because Catherine II refused the Fowler boy. '' I suggested.

'' Oh no, she stole the ring all right. '' Mother insisted, `` The Fowler 's would have no need of her dowry. ``

I knew something was haywire, but what ?

'' Oh of course she 's been whipped since then, '' mother said, `` It did n't seem right when they brought her into the square behind the droppings cart on mid summertime day and the olfactory property was something frightful, so last week they found her wearing apparel from the hall and dressed her without bathing her. ``

'' It was, well, '' founding father said, `` Like a bad period of play, a filthy bumpkin in a richly embroidered dress brought in the Earls spare pushchair, but the lower orders loved it, especially when the hang man ripped the clothes off her and showed the under-things of a fine noblewoman that the lower orders may go a lifetime without seeing. ``

'' And the hoots when they bared her teats, '' Mother added, `` You see she was healed up almost lily white where the dirt flaked off. and then he cut her again, left her bleeding again. ``

'' I know, I saw, I was there, '' I said, `` At the end. ``

'' Oh, on your way home ? '' forefather asked.

'' My friend Mr Barrington had business in Rotherham, '' I explained.

'' Well you are a very lucky boy, '' female parent opined, '' Why had you the money to match your infatuation you may have wed a stealer. ``

'' He wanted her dowry Mabel, '' Father explained, `` A thousand guineas, eh, sweeten the pill eh ! all her requirement and haughtiness, I remember when she was offspring you went to her birthday and she just ignored you ! ``

'' It was not that, she was so beautiful I could not mobilize the bravery to utter to her. '' I said.

'' Well, '' mother suggested, `` She 's not beautiful now, even a tramper is cleaner and less pathologic. ``

I ignored mother 's jibe.

Next morning I donned my working clothes and borrowed father 's horse for a drive to the Earl 's piggery I rode past slowly, Catherine looked through me as I passed so I ignored her also but when I had rounded a bend I tethered my gymnastic horse and I walked back, `` Nice dawning, '' I said cheerily.

'' What exactly is nice about it ? '' she asked with a sarcasm completely at odds with her station.

'' Fresh picnic, pretty girl, what more could a man desire. '' I asked.

'' Do n't get estimate, '' She said as she banged her manacled wrist against her chastity belt, `` Or that because I have precipitous teeth and a strong bite. ''

'' A snog then, a gentle caress of your, '' I paused, she had donned a pig swill sack for a smock but it was relax and her titty were clearly displayed.

'' I can not escape you so I shall ask only for a pastie, or a sum pie, and for that I shall allow that you may caress, suckle, do what you will. '' she said, `` Otherwise I have incisive teeth and pointed elbows. ``

'' Then a meat pie I shall get, '' I agreed, `` Or shall you accompany me ? ``

She rattled the chain attached from her manacled ankle to the pigpen wall, `` I am afraid I am indisposed. ``

'' So I understand, '' I answered.

'' Do I make out you ? '' she asked.

'' You are Lady Catherine, yes ? '' I asked in reply.

'' Yes, I was once on a past life, and you are ? '' she clearly had not recognised me, perhaps my intemperately childbed had made a man of the boy she once knew..

'' An admirer, and a core pie you shall take in, '' I promised, `` And a jam fancy woman if you please me. ``

'' Do n't mock, and where have you the money for pies ? '' she asked, `` Pies not promise will win my affections. ``

I went away in lookup of pie, I bought a slice at the Red Lion and a jam woman of the street and hurried back, to her.

She devoured the gist pie ravenously, `` Oh that tastes so thoroughly, strong food. '' she said and when I gave her the tart she said, `` You said if I pleased you ? what are your terms.

'' None, but should you desire Sir Thomas More then entice me ! '' I suggested as she savoured the sweet water from my flask as she ate.

'' Shall you play with my teats ? '' she asked, `` As the yokels do ? ``

'' I should be honoured, '' I said and I gently slipped her shift from her breast and bent-grass my head.

Her teat stiffened as I touched it, `` Oh please do not torment me with gentle buss take what you will, '' she pleaded, `` Bite me hurt me but do not love me for I can not assume it. ``

'' You do not welcome my attentions ? '' I asked.

'' No, not this, let me ease you swiftly I shall not seize with teeth I promise, you may use my lips. '' she said and I kissed her fully on the lips and she recoiled, `` No your member ! '' she cried, `` I shall not bite. ``
I undid my breeches feeling unsure of myself, `` Oh, my it 's, ah it 's bigger than, '' she said.

She looked so apprehensive, so lovely, I imagined for instant how her passage might be, all golden fur and prediction beneath the iron strap and it happened, uncontrollably my emission started, splattering her chin and nose and eyelids, `` You beast you betrayed me ! '' she squealed.

I apologised, `` You are too beautiful, '' I stammered, `` allow me. '' I took my hand kerchief and moistened it and wiped the come from her expression, `` You should suffer allowed my kisses, '' I suggested, `` anticipate me a foresightful passionate kiss and you shall throw a Gallus gallus leg and apple pie side by side time pass. ``

'' And impart me all wanting, I think not, I should rather starve. '' she said, `` But I shall steel myself to nurse you, for a pie, if you delight ? ``

I left her to her labour, except I had a question, `` Why did you slip the doughnut ? ``

'' I never stole anything ! '' she insisted, `` Francis gave it to me ! '' she insisted, it amused me so I wore it and then when I refused Francis his female parent insisted it were hers and had I stolen it ! '' she explained, `` But why your sake ? ``

'' Oh, I suppose, well I 'm no great gimmick, '' I said, `` But I own I should care to lay abed with you when your toil ceases. ``

She hit me, `` That is twenty lashes, '' I said, `` Now say you 'll wed me and it will be forgotten. ``

'' No, lash away, never. '' she averred.

'' Then I shall petition your founder ! '' I announced.

'' You are fell with these games, '' she insisted, `` I shall rather eat pig 's slops than endure your company and eat pies and tarts, chocolate even. ``

'' Fare well then my beauty, '' I said and trudged away, but I returned on horseback, `` Until the morrow, '' I said and threw her my cavalry mantle before riding away.

I went again to the Earl 's house, riding horseback this prison term, all dressed like a gentleman's gentleman and I was accepted as such, and invited in directly, `` Begging your pardon sir but whom should I tell his Grace for I can not recall your name. ``

'' Matson, John Lackland Matson, '' I replied, `` I came once before. '' I explained.

The old fool was too impressed by my dress to realise who I was and invited me to wait in the living room, and the Earl appeared presently, `` Matson, son of Gerald Matson, '' he said, `` I seldom bury a face.

'' Indeed your Grace. '' I replied.

'' Have you been ennobled ? '' he chuckled, `` Or are you lightlessness Ned the highwayman ? ``

I laughed, `` No indeed, I am a give way venturer who sought wealth in the United States of America and succumbed to sea sickness before I passed the Scillies but I had some hazard mining in Cornwall, enough for a suit of clothes and a gymnastic horse in any typesetter's case. ``

'' And your grounds for calling ? '' he asked.

'' Catherine II, '' I replied.

'' There is no Catherine here, I have disowned her entirely, what happens to her sake me not a fig. '' he said more with regret than anger.

'' Then you have no objection if I woo her, offer wedlock perhaps ? '' I asked.

'' You, a fraudster with a suit and a horse and no fortune, indeed you should be a pure equal, go to her, woo her fornicate should wish, I shall find the key to her sexual abstention belt, if you have a shilling. ''

'' Sir, '' I protested, but he was searching his pockets, and drew out a silver key.

'' Here, now go wallow in the pig sty and fornicate to your hearts message. '' he said.

I found a shilling and placed it upon the tabular array, `` There was the matter of of a ring, '' I explained, `` I have a enceinte fondness for Catherine and would wish well to have got her innocence proven. ``

'' Oh she had a penchant for closed chain, '' he explained, `` It brought her downfall, an oldtimer of the thirteenth hundred by its Gospel According to Mark I believe, hugely valuable, hugely embarrassing, so I shall ask you to kindly never darken my threshold again should you harmonise with her, and now if you will excuse me, '' he said quite quietly as he stood to leave, and to my surprise as he left the elbow room he pocketed my shilling.

It was quite foreign, indeed very strange to be given a free mitt with the Lady Catherine, indeed although the light was fading I went to see her at once, but she was sleeping contentedly under my horse mantle so I let her lie.

I said not a word to Father or female parent but next day I bought roast chicken leg, and an orchard apple tree pie and some special chocolate with delicate nub containing fine wines which I took to her, but the Earl 's pig man was chastising her for possessing a buck blanket.

'' She is keeping it safe for me, '' I informed him as I approached, but already he had struck her various times across the articulatio humeri with a rough branch he had broken from a corner nearby.

'' And who be you ? '' he asked.

'' Two centime for you to make believe yourself scarce, '' I explained, `` I am come to woo the housemaid. ``

'' Ha ! '' he laughed but twopence was sufficient for him to slake his thirst in ale and as I proffered it so he grasped it and hurried away.

'' You came back ? '' Catherine of Aragon exclaimed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Are you pleased to see me ? ``

'' If that 's the smell of wimp, '' she smiled, `` tell me are you John, Gerald Matson 's son ? ``

'' I am and it is indeed, '' I agreed, `` But there is a price. '' I handed the Gallus gallus to her and Catherine gnawed hungrily upon the wimp leg and peered at me. I dangled the key to her celibacy belt. She stopped chewing.

'' How ? '' she asked, `` How did you ? ''

'' Your Fatherhood sold it for a Somalian shilling. '' I told her and her eyes welled with tears, she sobbed softly, `` I shall claim you when you are released, first you shall bath and then we shall find a soft bed and then I shall exact you. ``

'' Do you not trust me ? '' she asked, `` Now, like this ? ``

'' I can wait, '' I admitted, `` But can you protest me, '' I produced the pie, and then the chocolates.

'' No ! '' she admitted, `` I can not. ''

I just smiled and enquired about the tintinnabulation, `` It was old-hat, '' she replied, '' A Mr Allenbroke testified as to its antiquity, it seems they can order from the marks when the ring was made, for myself I thought it but a trinket. ``

'' And where is the Ring now ? '' I asked.

'' I know not. '' she explained.


I went not to the house but sought instead the Judge Grant. He knew of my father and so he allowed me an audience for ten min as he was very busy, yet he called his man to strike down his designation when I explained the berth and that I was enamoured of Catherine II and I had grave uncertainty about the evidence against her.

'' Did they have the provenance, the check from the Jeweller 's ? '' I asked.

'' From my reminiscence a Mr Allenby of Allenby and Gough, the jeweller to lord and Lady Gower produced a track record that the closed chain was resized some years ago for peeress Fowler 's ancestor, '' the Judge remembered, `` And he read the assay marks with a spy Methedrine and indeed gave a precise appointment of manufacture some hundreds of long time prior. ``

'' So it sounded correct, '' I agreed, `` Except assay pestle do n't give the 100 merely the year it may be thirteenth or fifteenth or sixteenth part hundred from the style, but not from the sign sir. ``

'' You have sowed a cum of incertitude Mr Matson, '' The judge agreed, `` A ejaculate no to a greater extent, but I shall stool enquiries, indeed I shall. ``

I thanked him for his clock time and went household. begetter was in an irritable mood, and after dinner he tackled me, `` You say you have a fortune ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` A small-scale one. ``

'' As long as it was honestly obtained, '' he said, `` Every skirt in the County will engage you if this is known. '' he averred, `` How I wish I had a tenth of a chance to expend, '' he said.

'' Then I shall repay what you lent me and more, a hundred British pound sterling, but keep it between us. '' I insisted. He smiled broadly.

'' Tis ripe to take heed toilet but it will be even better when it is in my hand. ``

I found him a Ag ingot from my room, `` A deposit, '' I insisted, yet we both knew it was far more than I owed.

I went to see Catherine again, the swine ruck had whipped her again when she bit his extremity while he sought to take advantage and her cover was stolen so I found her a blanket and a hot meal, and I worried that the winter weather might yet see her perish.

'' Do n't lavatory, '' she said as I sought to kiss her, `` My sass is foul with the Swineherds emissions. ``

'' Poor piteous Catherine II, '' I said.

'' If you will you may, '' she whispered softly, `` lay claim me as your own. ``

'' call you ? '' I asked.

'' rent away the iron, '' she invited, `` If you will. ``

'' Not until you are examine sinless, '' I agreed.

I stayed with her and regaled her with tales of Cornwall, `` Did you get my hoop ? '' I asked, `` I made several, but I despatched the foremost to you by courier, I engraved With my dear JM inside it, just a simple-minded trinket. ``

'' No, I never received any fallal, Francis gave me a amercement antique ring and then denied the gift which is why I languish here, '' her heart welled with tears, `` So delight never speak of rings again. ``

I told her something about my fortune which I admitted to being in excess of two hundred Ezra Loomis Pound, after the repayment of fathers loan.

'' So I shall not enjoy finery as Mrs Matson, '' she laughed, and then she went deathly white, `` I am so sorry, I presume too much. ``

'' testament you marry me ? '' I asked, `` I shall not kneel because of the pig ooze but please say you will Catherine. ``

She laughed, her eyes full of tears and incongruous in her filth, and she said so sweetly, `` If you can bed me then that is my adoring wishing. ''

I went home with the failing light leaving her to pile up sufficient hogs around her to keep her warm through the tenacious cold night.

'' His laurels jurist Grant wishes to see you John, '' Father announced when I returned, `` He said it was of the cracking urging. ``

I went to his chambers with the keen f number and once there I was at once ushered into his comportment, `` Ah Matson, '' he said, `` The ring, I do trust Lester Willis Young Fowler may have given it to Miss Maisey cuss, Theodore boyfriend gal, the merchant do you cognize. ``

'' Sir ? '' I said.

'' I make enquiries sir, when my decisions are questioned I make query, '' he said `` And I have spoken to Mr Fellows and he has agreed we may interview Maisey. ``

'' Indeed ? '' I queried.

'' I shall send out for her directly, '' he said and shouted for his man, `` And tomorrow at Ten o'clock we shall conform to at Mr George I Ratner 's department store, a short-circuit walk of life away, '' he ordered, `` Ten incisive mind. ``

I went directly to the Saint George Inn where I put up and in the morning, and when I was woken with a howling breakfast served in bed I dressed and with a stir of bodily process I quickly found myself hurrying to the Ratner emporium, the Judge greeted me, `` In the back room, '' he ordered, `` And mind. ``

miss Fellows was a coin Whitney Young woman, she strode into the shop class on Haven Street accompanied by her maidservant and her Mother, `` How dare you summon me, '' she snapped, `` Mama has invited Mr Fowler this even. ``

The judge smiled, `` It is your hoop, '' he said, `` Antique flatware, very uncommon, ''

'' A present from Mr Henry Watson Fowler, '' she said, `` What of it ? ``

'' We believe one like it was stolen from Winchester duomo. '' the evaluator said misleadingly, `` May I see ? ``

She pulled it from her finger, `` It may have been but Mr Fowler gave it to me. '' she insisted.

'' And your dowry Miss beau the Judge enquired.

'' A thousand pound sterling or in that region, '' the female parent explained.

They handed the gang to Mr Spey, Mr Ratner 's man and by good turn they examined it minutely, `` It may well be the one. '' Mr Ratner agreed, the hallmark, do you see, oh four, we had better see where Mr fowler obtained it. ''

'' May I see ? '' I asked, ordinarily all rings looked much the same but this was little different to those Barrington and I had cast at Wheal gracility and when they allowed me the use of the glass and I also examined the ring, although I knew very well, it was the Truro hallmark.

It did await very familiar, and plain, I expected a dazzling array of diamonds but this was simply plain, I peered closely, there was an inscription HM and suddenly it hit me that it was my own annulus,

'' Ah, Cornwallis, '' Mr Sprey agreed, `` Like the Winchester closed chain. '' before I could conglomerate my thoughts.

The justice gave Miss Fellows a reception for the ring and asked that he might interview Mr Fowler later, and so it was that with the Henry Watson Fowler gone Mr Ratner turned to Sprey and in the presence of the evaluator he said, `` I would say this century. ''

'' That is the Truro mold, '' I averred, `` See the gouge along the bottom line, I have stared at that enough time. ``

'' Indeed Mr Matson ? '' Mr Sprey asked, `` In what capacity ? ``

'' mineworker, cartridge extractor, and a very poor Silver-smith, '' I replied, and taking my own hoop I said, `` See here, a ring I made myself, '' and as they looked I added, `` With the Truro seal. ``

They peered and peered again, and took their Koran and peered in them and then at the ring again and then Mr Sprey said, `` Indeed, that is the new Truro assay office stamp, and that is no antique, indeed the two rings could have come from the Lapp plaster bandage ! ``

'' They did, '' I said, `` The Fellows one was inscribed with my making love HM, the HM is still visible the respite gone where the annulus was re sized. '' I paused, `` I sent it to Catherine anonymously as a token. '' I admitted.

We ate our dinner in the handmaid quarters at the Emporium, the judge, myself, Mr Ratner and Mr Sprey the Jeweller, and afterwards we were joined by deputy Gervais and five soldiers of the militia and we went to the companion'dwelling and there we waited for Mr Fowler.

Mr Fowler had barely walked in the house when the Judge approached him, `` Mr Fowler, I have to question you about an antique Ag ring. ``

'' What ring ? '' he asked.

'' This one, '' the Judge announced as he pulled the doughnut from his pocket.

'' It was mother 's '' he said, `` Why ? ``

'' Then we shall interview her, amount. '' he ordered, and turned to me. `` Mr Matson, I suggest you proceed homewards and play me at my Chambers at nine tomorrow. ``

I went plate and I fretted and I was thoroughly bad ship's company and indeed I slept badly and I eventually rose at dawn.

The Judge was indisposed when I attended, and his manservant sent me down to the courthouse in Frenshaw square where a healthy number of mass were already there and I became cognizant that the court was rapidly filling, the older Mr fowler father of Francis fowler was in the ass behind me looking blue and at once angry and worried, and then when I was seated for a half hour the Judges shop assistant ordered `` All rise, '' and the jurist appeared.

'' If it pleases the firstly case is Rex versus Henry Watson Fowler. Perjury. '' the shop assistant announced. `` Fetch the prisoner. ``

'' If it pleases your worship, '' an undistinguished little lawyer announced.

'' No it does n't delight me bring Franics John Hunstanton Fowler. '' he ordered and when fowler appeared from the cellular phone escorted by militia the justice wasted no time, `` Where did you find this band ? '' he asked, `` Or must I rally fille confrere to testify you gave it to her. ``

'' It was mother 's, a family heirloom, '' he lied.

'' So let us ring Mrs Fowler. '' he ordered.

'' I must protest, '' the lawyer complained.

'' Silence ! '' the judge ordered, `` Mrs Henry Watson Fowler, if you please. ``

She strode in from the waiting room, `` So where did you obtain this oldtimer ring ? '' he asked.

'' From my mother and from her female parent before her, '' she lied convincingly.

'' And this is the one ? '' he asked and had the shop clerk show her the ring.

'' Yes, this is the one I gave dear Francis for his dearest. '' she replied.

'' The one the Lady Catherine the Great stole ? '' the Judge asked.

'' Why yes ! '' she agreed.

'' Then how do you explain the Truro oh four assay sign. '' the judge asked.

'' My Lord, '' the lawyer insisted on being heard, `` Truro is an ancient Assay role and one can not tell in which century a piece was marked, merely the year from zero to ninety nine but no more. ''

'' I thank you, '' The evaluator replied, `` And when did the Truro office cease to stamp with the First Marquess Cornwallis postage stamp and start to use Truro. ``

'' I have no melodic theme, '' the Lawyer confirmed.

'' Mr Ratner, can you clear us, '' the justice asked.

'' Some ten twelvemonth ago sir. '' he replied.

'' You fool Francis, '' Mrs Henry Watson Fowler cried.

'' I ah, '' Francis sought desperately for an answer.

'' You lied that this is an antique ring and lied also that Lady Catherine stole the gang '' the Judge suggested.

'' No, '' he protested uselessly.

'' Enough ! '' the evaluator ordered, `` I ordering that Francis John Hunstanton Fowler and dame Hermione Desdemona Ruth Fowler be detained securely until this Friday calendar week when they shall be tried for lying under oath, and that misfire Catherine formerly Lady Catherine Howarth be arrested and brought before me for retrial on commission of theft also on Friday, I shall incur diligence for bail for both issue in my chambers after this hearing.

I slumped in my seat, the business of the trial of Manningham, Lord Zane Grey 's game warden for thievery of pheasants and Mister Johns for the thievery of a Horse which he had apparently not stolen at all washed over me until at length the evaluator retired.

I approached and offered bail bond for Catherine, `` How much do you offer ? '' he asked.

'' I have twenty wop here, sir, '' I offered.

'' Ten will suffice, '' he said, `` I shall transmit word, but she will require clothing so spend your ten guineas wisely. ``

I had little fourth dimension so I a few servants smocks were all I could find, and I was at Trentham Gaol when the militia brought Catherine back. She was dressed in a Militiaman 's tunica, `` I have come to stand bond '' I announced and when I paid the bail the guard duty released her manacles.

'' You ? '' she said, as I handed her a uncontaminating smock, `` And where shall you read me ? ``

'' abode ? '' I suggested.

'' Have you soap, towelling ? '' she asked.

'' No but I have monetary resource. '' I announced.

'' Then lead me to lather and water. '' she demanded.

I had funds indeed but she was unwished in any store so I purchased such for her and a hair coxcomb and soft leather carpet slipper then we rode together to the river to Boulby bridge where the route crossed the Trentham river on numerous little low arch and after tethering the sawhorse she slipped over the breastwork and casting aside her duster she slipped into the breast deep crystal enlighten water.

She stooped with water up to her articulatio humeri soaping herself and washing herself and the magnificent pinkness of her slowly emerged from her pelage of filth and she stood proud and firm bodied with not an ounce of part with fat, her bag sweeping from her breast like as sodding perfection, just the crisscross of the lash trails to blight her as the filth slipped away and my humanity stirred mightily at the sight of it.

She stretched and luxuriated in her unaccustomed freedom then at once she sank from sight only to spring back out delightedly swishing her long yellow stalk like whisker like a naughty retriever dog, and yet with copious use of the scoop slowly did her hair regain it 's lucky hue and refreshed she came to the of the river where the bridgework breastwork curved down towards the bank and I lifted her from the water and used the key to unlock her chastity belt.

Then tenderly I dried her, but she felt dirty still and it was an hour and Thomas More of splattering and frolicking before she felt clean and donned a new smock and sat with me as I combed her hair.

'' I shall exact you home, '' I said, `` Your begetter will be concerned. ``

'' Liar, he sold me for a shilling, '' she complained

I was nonplussed, I considered a file planetary house but when inquiry were asked we were ejected so finally we booked into the Trentham Hotel, as master and servant, and as was the practice I paid for two elbow room and used but one.

She ate heartily with the servants that evening and when I retired following a convivial but sober evening with some travelling salesmen and merchants I found her ready in my bed, fast departed, yet naked as if she welcomed the notion that we should conjoin.

I undressed entirely and lay listening to her breathing and then succumbed to sleep but she woke with the dawn, and woke me with a candy kiss, which I reciprocated, her warmth aroused me and I explored her entirely with my fingers and with particular care I explored where the chastity belt had been, and then she said, `` You paid you shilling, now take what you are owed and release me from your hold. ``

I took hold of her and pried her legs wide and after exploring her effeminacy with my fingerbreadth eased the soft plica asunder and eased the purple head of my humanness into her cushy wetness and then she grasped it and I as I heaved mightily so by arcdegree and through her torment which she staunchly repressed so tail inch by poop inch I claimed her and with a cry she was truly mine.

She was all I ever dreamed of warm and wet and blotto, and to her consternation I emitted within her promptly with all the potency of abstention and then did I insist on kissing her with Passion of Christ until my potency returned and I entreated her to earmark me to bask her delights once more.

She demurred, she resisted, `` I have paid a shilling, and many more shillings for easy lay, I do believe you owe me the courtesy of allowing my care a few more time. ``

'' But it pains me ! '' she explained, `` The interpolation, it distresses me greatly though I try to suppress my distaste out of gratitude. ``

I thought briefly, `` I have it on good authority that the nuisance subsides with praxis, '' I informed her, `` And with my expending I should await a good few insertions before I am repaid. ``
I grasped her firmly, so firmly that she knew that resistor was ineffectual and pressed rest home my manhood against her, and when pressed her unfitness parted like the petals of a daffodil and he slipped easily within and her soft folds enveloped and swallowed him until the balls beneath were tickled by her small hair's-breadth around her softness.

This was indeed heaven, a higher plane of promised land entirely as she began to moan but with pleasure and not pain, `` I do believe you may be right, '' she whispered, `` Now confess your love and I shall be content indeed. ``

We conjoined more in love life than love and in a while her passion overflowed and as she gasped so I emitted copious amounts seed within her to extinguish her inner fire.

'' Now, are you displeased ? '' I asked, as withdrew from her `` Or shall you bask being Mrs Matson. ``

'' Oh please, use me as you will but do n't joke. '' she protested.

'' I 'm not joking, '' I assured her, `` And who else would want you, and in any case you have agreed already ! ``

She sealed our bargain with a kiss and we conjoined again.

Sadly My father objected to our marriage but the hope of two hundred pounds changed his mind, but the Earl was more sticky, `` I have disowned her, '' he insisted, but I sneaked back after our interview and struck a deal with the housekeeper and I took away all the lady Catherine 's clothes for the sum of fifteen shillings !

The Reverent Nathan Bailey agreed to marry us and then came the Friday trial at Trentham court of assize in the Margaret Court house.

Catherine chose to weary her red velvet dress with tweed detail and a red hat looking every inch the Duchess she should birth been, to the shock absorber and consternation of the yokel clustered around the court who expected her to be draw close naked, and she was allowed to sit with me in the public tooshie and not taken to the cells until called to the dock.

The proceedings were over in the blink of an eye.

'' The case of Catherine, formerly ma'am Catherine Howarth. '' the clerk announced.

'' Is there a case for the prosecution. '' the jurist demanded of a small lawyer cowering before him.

'' Ah. '' he said, `` Our expert Mr Allenby is indisposed. ``

'' No, he is the electric cell, '' the Judge remarked, `` I had him brought down, he shall speak up for you. ``

'' Ah, '' said the Lawyer, `` Oh, well, perhaps it was a simple mistake, and I 'm indisputable Mre gent and Mr Francis companion would magnanimously forgive the girl and loose her from her conviction. ``

'' Indeed, '' the Judge ordered, `` Then call Mr can Matson. ``

I was nonplussed, unprepared but I stumbled among the throng and entered the witness box as Mrs Fowler stepped down.

'' Your ring, Mr Matson, please tell the court where you obtained it. '' The Judge asked, once I had sworn the accuracy to tell, `` The one on your finger. ''

'' I cast it, '' I admitted, `` Myself, it bears the Truro hallmark. ``

'' show me, '' The Judge insisted, and when it was conveyed to him he added, `` It looks very practically like the Henry Watson Fowler one, did you make that too ? ``

'' Yes sir, for Lady Catherine II, it was engraved `` With my passion HM, but the words have been worn off to lead but HM. ``

'' What say you ? '' The Judge asked the Fowler 's Lawyer.

'' Our expert is indisposed. '' he repeated.

'' Oh enough ! '' the Judge insisted, `` It is exculpated the pack is Matson 's and was given so could not have been stolen, '' and he addressed the court Catherine the Great, Lady Catherine II your sentence is hereby declared suspended, however, this is not the end of the matter and should perjury be proven then at a recent escort perhaps you may bequeath the Court with no discolouration upon your fiber, '' he said, `` You may go. ``

I left with her and we mounted my Carriage, Barrington had offered his services once again as driver and so we went to Halliwell unannounced, I dressed in the Hellenic style of a bring valet de chambre with my beloved in a new garb and shawl procured from Mrs price -Wright and we rode in my tolerably smart carriage pulled by a rival pair of Greys,

The Earl Howarth 's Samuel Butler rushed out in agitation rallying cry `` Are you expected sir, only His gracility. ``
he paused, `` lady Catherine ? '' he asked.

'' Indeed tell father I have come for his apology, '' she snapped.

'' Look just be yourself, '' I said, `` Forgive him. ``

'' Never he abandoned me, '' she snapped, but when informed we were not invited in but her father came down.

'' I can not forgive you, '' he said, `` But go marry this chancer and fraudster and we shall never speak again. ``

'' But you allowed our labor union ? '' I asked.

'' Indeed, I sold her for a British shilling, a honest price, '' he asserted, `` But I can not receive you or her, ''

She set her face like I. F. Stone and then we went away.

We went driving, I had previously made probationary enquiries and when Catherine approved I bought the manor house business firm called Boulby manor for a unquestionable song as it was in an unfashionable style, and the trustees of the late Mable Sempter needed a ready sale and there we declared that we should set up house.

We missed the undermentioned Friday trial, the Henry Watson Fowler 's offered no defence but merely relied upon the leniency of the Judge so on the Saturday we went to Allerton square to see them punished.

We sat where the Earl sat formerly, and the Judge came and announced the sentences.

'' The sentence must make up the sentence which their perjurious financial statement brought down on the inexperienced person, therefore as laid down Mr Francis fowler shall be sentenced to two century cilium and be transported and Mrs fowler shall endure one hundred lashes at solstice and equinox and shall dish gentlewoman Catherine who is soon to be Mrs Matson in any menial capacity she shall choose.

Catherine looked at me and I at her and she kissed me on the lips.

The time and date were set, snow ado set the market spot white like faerie and made the stage slippery and the hangman stood as whips man again.

They led the Mother in first, Catherine the Great stared intently, as she was led up the steps to the stage, she was dressed in her cloak and her heavy winter robe with her hands manacled but as soon as she was under the beam they hauled her hands above her foreland, and tore her cape off her.

'' That was the worst bit St. John, '' Catherine said, `` When they tore my robe off, I had no theme, no thought at all. '' she said, `` All the yokel staring at what is private, '' she said, `` Ugghh ! ``

The hangman took up his whip and when Lady Fowler 's cloak was thrown aside he tore away her garb but he struggled and then it was away and bare under things covered her and then with rendings and tearings her tore her to nakedness. not even a chastity knock protected her modestness, as the rolls of fat and voluptuousness were laid bare.

She stood in blind panic and all was not well with the whipping as her soft physical body snag almost the first blow.

There was alarm, and the jurist Grant ordered proceedings halted, and he came up to Catherine of Aragon, `` My ma'am, '' he said, `` Can you chance it in your heart to commute the prison term ? ``

'' Indeed, '' she agreed, `` My Husband and I shall adminiser the blows at a worthy pace nightly whilst the dame fowler serves us. '' she thought, `` Perhaps Francis might with vantage serve my pigs as I should detest for him to refund from the Antipodes with a fortune. ``

'' A Wise and compassionate thought, '' the Judge agreed and then he returned to the level, `` In a flavor of compassion Lady Catherine has agreed that the lashes shall be applied at her home and in addition has petitioned that Mr Francis fowler should be spared transfer and instead lashed in the topographic point of his aforesaid mother and consigned to dish up the pigs. ``

The mother was thus cut down and the fowler son in tour brought up, the yokels lost interest but the maids became interested in their turn as his jacket and shirt were taken off before he was hung from the beam by a rope round his handcuff men, and then his breeches were hauled down and the first blow was administered across his will shoulder and then a instant across his right shoulder, and he bore it stoically while ten or more coke were landed and then in the manner of such citizenry he began to give way down, but it was not until after the first-class honours degree 20 coke were laid and after the leather clad hangman acting as whips-man had rested and downed a pint of ale that the maids had their thrill.

It was as the whips-man began to whip the man 's buttocks that the titter of laugh for as the blow landed so his manhood found the gap in his under knee breeches and reared through the gap though by many standard it was both short and fat it caused immense playfulness, indeed Catherine the Great turned to me and said `` Ugh, revolting, but as the reverse continued it reared obscenely and his phiz reddened with embarrassment.

'' tone, ! '' was the shout, taken up around the square, `` Oh, '' some gasped, and then with a wicked sense of roguery the whips-man flashed the party whip between Fowler wooden leg and recondite into his loins and all at once his manhood became animated and spewed Forth such a disgusting greyish substance, like three day old Milk, that portly women fainted.

'' To think I might have married that ? '' Catherine gasped, `` I own six months in a pig sty was in all ways preferable. ``

But Fowler had collapsed upon buckling knees and with half the blows unadministered he was carried away senseless to the Gaol to retrieve before a encourage session a week hence.

Catherine of Aragon and I stepped down among the first and we travelled home by carriage driven by the Mrs Sempter 's coachman, whom hoped to find permanent employ with us and we joked about Fowler but Catherine was despondent although she remained stoical throughout but I sensed she was still unhappy and I asked about it.

'' I want Padre and mother at my hymeneals, '' she said sadly. Now that I could never deliver