ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a sorry November night in Yorkshire. Nineteen Thirty something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. Lights of Grisegarth Signal box on t'capital of the United Kingdom and due north Eastern Railway could be seen for miles.

rider train amount yesteryear, headed for Grimsby, locomotive were off trounce a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire Railway. Four big driving roulette wheel as big as a man and four petty 'uns out straw man. Over thirty year old, losing prison term but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and adjunction beyond.

Next along were Immingham goods. On footplate were Cy Young Tommy Aisgarth. He were real frantic, officially like as he were engine dry cleaner, but he's done exams for fireman and it were his first time out firing engine on farsighted trip, He had been on shunting locomotive engine many times after having reached eighteen the age for working on engine footplate, but this were real thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied bloke, near as fat as he were marvellous, too blinking fat to get under railway locomotive to oil rhythm proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 form loco, built by George III Robinson in 1922 but today he had a come near new J39, a smaller gaudy engine built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened train to 40 Charles's Wain, 600 tons.

It were maximal load for J39 and Tommy had to work like a trojan, shovelling coal trying to hold on up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his Jacket and then his shirt as he shovelled coal inexpertly into the rapacious firebox of the loco. Ted kept the regulator half unfold and the valves in fully gear to make Tommy sweat. He could have saved half the coal if he'd pulled up up and opened regulator but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and yesteryear Moresby top to breast box, all signaling off and only two minutes down with piss bobbing in the bottom nut of gage glass, Ted shut regulator and shouted for Tommy to put live steam injector on to fill boiler.

railway locomotive began to clean up speed, Tommy went to put tea can on firing denture for a brew.

"muckle of time for that lad,"Ted says,"clip for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee bloomers down I wan't to sodomize thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody inferno, bugger me, I mean not bugger me but don't sod me like."Tommy blustered.

"flavor lad, on footplate driver's in accusation and I'm driver reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me cock up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor goose egg, just that wanking meks thee blind and I'd rather spend hard cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a wench let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an order from thee driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking law-breaking is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"Buggery's flaming illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let water down and never looked out for signals, told I to get gourmandize and made I shovel coal as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a nasty sodomist,"says Tommy as wagon train picked up speed down bank,"But I ‘ ant no choice ‘ as I."

well loco were blowing off steam and piss were coming up in glass so Tommy opened ardor doors to cool.

"Come on don't bugger about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his knock and slipped his trouser down.

Ted smirked"twain thee ego agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's bloody red hot !"Tommy protested.

"sodomite, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"knack on to bloody water scoop instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his ankles gripping on to water supply scoopful bicycle while Ted eased hs brace off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to let out a short-change fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs putz at Tommy's ass but missed half a twelve times when suddely wallop.

Teddy boy stopcock pressed an in into Tommy's tight ass hole as the engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a horrendous crashing of busted wood and metal engine reared up at vertebral column end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the shock of his ass hole busting but then Ted was screaming and there was coal off the stamp and busted wood all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his pants back up and staggered around trying to produce sense of it.

There were give out minute of stroller all round.

"Bugger me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the fire door lever to spread ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever was jammed but ith the spread positioning. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the water gauge lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the light. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox room access lever and all the skin burned off of his bum. Tommy felt cast and wanted to laugh at the like time.

"I go to signal box for pattern 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of engine and headed for box.

Turned out extract engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed tender, void brake had stopped it and commodity had run through five signal before hitting limited up the ass.

Ted were probably numb afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the bone and he pillow of him roasted though his flush were alright and his cap and pouch watch.

"By eck tha's a lucky chap,"said signalman as Tommy walked up whole tone to box.

"How d'yuo mean ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'crash,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a scratch,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee driver ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, priority is dominate 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a fine railroad man, have a brew and go back and if he's dead nick his watch before some other sodomist does."

"Tha's a pachydermatous sod,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"Bastard said I put sign back agin him when he ran right through em, too busy buggering his fireman, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No bugger liked him, tight fisted fat lazy bastard,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too late Tommy had door open.

poor people Tommy never seen a lad porter in a uniform jacket and nowt else except for stockings and suspender afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting elbow room at the place when he woke up. Stationmaster were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a bang,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from refreshment room ?"Inspector asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"Well go and relieve passenger fireman, he banged his drumhead, they're going on wi one-half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto rider engine, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to bugger I and ne'er kept a look out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till lodge at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no trouble wi locomotive and Sid took him to accommodate,"We usually contribution double bed drier and fireman together,"says device driver,"But I pays extra."

"What for a single elbow room ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a tart,"he laughed.

poor people Tommy, he had to kip on level. Landlady showed them to room. She were a widder, maybe XL year old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a scoke lad, I paid her for whole Night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"flavor why be a gooseberry, sod off and keep our Dolores company why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her titmouse were straining the crease on her cardigan, her mouth were like rubies, her eyes were like, well eyes, one were blue and the former weren't, her hairsbreadth was staring amber wi black solution, her thighs were summat else and her human face, had all the right bits and well thee don't have to look at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm Dolly,"says Dolores.

"Hello Dolly,"says Tommy.

"comedian eh ?"she says.

"Nay fireman,"says Tommy.

"Got a girlfriend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"commodity, I'm doing cordial reception point,"says Dolly,"Maybe you can facilitate me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got exams on week after next and I still ‘ ant sucked a feller off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final term,"doll explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me cock for gust job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"doll says."They told me to say that no matter how big it is,"she admitted.

"Belt up and enclose thee laughing tackle round it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be unmannered,"Dolly says as she grasped his tool firmly.

"Oh fuck !"says Tommy as he shot his load, luckily it missed her clothes and cardigan and splattered onto her neck.

"You're fucking useless,"she opined. poor people Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go plate be way of Doncaster on account statement of line being blocked and he had to account to shedmaster to explain why he hadn't kept a right flavor out.

"I had fuss wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley engines are rubbish."

"And thee driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sort of bloke to dob any bugger in so he says,"Having a shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to bugger thee more like,"inspector replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any bugger any time soon, all skins burned off his ass and that firebox door handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all innocent like.

"Did it heck as like,"said Inspector,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass hole, fact is he got two ass holes now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"Fucking sawbones at Railway Hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into second ass hole,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new vocation in carnival as the man we two asses !"

"Bloody nether region,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two cocks ?"he suggested.

"Not that sodomite !"Inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster employment, he saw engine with handler connection on cutter,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"Inspector told him.

As lick would have it Ted got septicaemia and died, poor sodomist ‘ adn't no one, no family or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the coupling paid for undertaker and for the best second mitt coffin pawn factor had in stock out of phallus subs.

Funeral day and four blokes took some screws and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any clock time soon before they carried it in to church service and set the coffin down, then when service started. priest asked Tommy to say a few words, being as he was Ted's end mate.

"I couldn't stick Ted. Ted were an atrocious fat lazy bugger, a bloody liar and a snitch mate. He neber oiled his engine proper nor nothin'He died ‘ crusade he neglected his dooty to kip a tone out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his trousers down and his ass jammed on firehole door lever knob."A great belly laugh came from the half dozen or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody glad he's dead."

"Amen !"said someone,"Amen, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a quiet word wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be dependable,"Vicar said,"But in twenty twelvemonth I never heard such an honest panegyric spoken."

Tommy hadn't the slightest idea what he were on about. But when he got older he realised one thing, when it comes to buggery its better to commit than receive.

And dolly ? She failed the examination and had to move to Greater London as they has abject touchstone for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .