Letter to a love. We all have had individual in our lifespan that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dearest sweetheart,

Well, it 's been three geezerhood since the cobbler's last time I saw you. Three years since I 've heard your jape. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't retrieve about you, talk to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and trust you can get a line me. Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling cheek. There are time I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the Saame without you to foot on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my skinny little rider. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three class, I 've more or less kind of existed. certainly, I 've tried to locomote on, find a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. length, prison term, personallity conflict, all have been constituent in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my forefront, or my warmness. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and sizeable life, and every clip he closes his eyes, he sees you, to remind him of the Scheol that he 's caused. '' combine me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not for certain whom she meant that idiom toward, but, I do have intercourse deep down, I 'm at to the lowest degree partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to pain, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my unsuccessful person on a day-after-day, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly disconsolate.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many manner. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did have intercourse you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right mode, our luck prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no apology, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get worse, but, More scared that you would actually resist my making love, which would vanquish what niggling spirit I had. There was also a social aspect lulu, the love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at to the lowest degree toward you people would frown. I wanted nix more than to rip you close, buss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the center or somewhere else. Knowing how gild works, that could n't happen. I would suffer been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The short things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your center seemed to light up. The sentence that you 'd want to spend meter just the two of us. The random hugs, the episodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front line of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the piffling signs you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to modify any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many matter differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the hurting I caused. It 's my load, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The Good Book are just words, i can say `` I 'm pitiful '' a billion prison term a day, and it would n't make any difference. No amount of `` I 'm meritless '' can convey you back, or look at away the pain in the ass that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm dismal '' that really matters, is the one deep inside of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm anathemize to live the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be whole again. I will continue to exist, probably for a very long time, but, I 'll never find as truly happy as I did. Three long days, is just the first footstep into the living that I will pass. That life sentence started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moments of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally thankful to you. Either way, I 'm glad, and proud to have shared in your life sentence for as prospicient as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't convert our past, only hope that our past does n't destroy our hereafter. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a different type of erotic love, I 'm good-for-nothing for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your memory. I love you, and have loved you for a very tenacious clip, I just wish well I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris