Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm captain St. Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from flaming Yorkshire and I do n't ease up a sodomist what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody get.

We had a bally bad trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made for sure me brass were safe and went to see bloody Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a lady of pleasure boudoir with furnishings to jibe. Agent were a Slimy dickhead with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"trade good day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me flaming judgement,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that kind of brass."

"We thought you meant governance,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired gorilla in a pitch-black dress with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody unsubdivided enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky sodomite ent it ?"

"governing body is an alloy of bull and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking Leontyne Price,"the slimy illegitimate said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round banking concern and paid it in straightaway. Daft bastard on heel counter near fainted at sizing of cheque but I drew out a fair few pound sterling and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody days voyage took, damn steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some plaque in camber and could make out home base instead of scratting round down Confederate States of America America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see harbour original what were a mate of mine, we had a schmoose for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a courteous plump wise Robert Brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a decent plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bally lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to conjoin a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore firm or espouse a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner computer menu outside. and it were just after noonday so I thought I would get a bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make foreland or rear o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner party at tea time and noon metre was luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager come up to me and asked me stage business,"Looking for a nob to wed,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got wrong end of stick and suggested a twosome of whore theater.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a carnival bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not hold open forking out for tarts till I gets all-fired blast and me cock putrefaction off."

"You can't retain slaves anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his back to us over there's got more than daughter than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old old codger talking to his Paraguay tea over a splinter of fish and drop curtain o wine that woudn't sustain a bally church building mouse.

"That's Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a dyad of daughter to offload like ?"I says heterosexual out.

"And who the blaze are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorousness,"I says,"I ent no theater mountain lion I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"flavor if its bloody governing body you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's Virgin, two branch, two arms, distich of bloody tits, her own teeth, earreach and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George VI,"one of his first mate, a simpering prat dressed like a right pimp says,"You might well get hitched with off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody bill,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody card sharps."

"I have never been so affront sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowery he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my business firm directly and meet my daughters ?"

His poncy married person warned him not to seem too cutting but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The fella lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of key and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants quarter,"bloody sarky butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the fellow explained

"sea captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and verbalise me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll find me flaming belt crossbreeding thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody womanhood turns up,"By heck you're an frightful bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay me to horn in thee."

"This is my married woman skipper,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me lash out the chops, we her delicacy hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite indirect request to court one of our daughters high-priced,"the gent says, I sort of guessed he was Almighty McGonnegal, overlord Mc for short.

"Over my perfectly body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his look went a mortal white,"headwaiter Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"Storms, storm, bloody flow water heart bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a damn shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"gentlewoman Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody minelaying that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody locate down."

"And you seek to homage my daughter ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more damn like,"I said,"Don't judgment bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no nasty bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'backrest 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit damn nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to retain stum so she showed us into parlour."Girls,"she says,"Come and match maitre d' er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The outset girl were knockout, blonde haircloth on her articulatio humeri, blue heart, square rigged dress showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaid, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"gentlewoman Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody ample and in motive of a all-fired shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody mind and you're a ravisher and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of lovliness followed into the way,"Victoria Falls,"Lady Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody perdition, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bally kid wi a bally hangover. Wi her short haircloth and scowling case if it had n't been for her mammilla you 'd have thought she were a fucking bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bloody bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't William Tell if it were a bloody bloke or a bloody girl eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin son, baboons even,"I laughed.

"trade good then we are in pact Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an millstone nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitor are a bit sparse on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no sake in such matter,"she said.

I thought a bit flaming immediate, honest chance her were a blooming Virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't issue what her fucking aspect looked like.

"well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me blinking end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bally Virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say reasonable than that."

"maitre d' !"Lord Mc protested.

"pentad hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to aim her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody digit, postulate it or pass on it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this giant for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a blinking wife lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, individual to face after me flaming house, Cook, clean look after flaming kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretext of erotic love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, damn affection, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do honest than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the response captain is no, never."She stormed away in a blooming strop.

"Feisty art object ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were flaming messing."

Lord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a pocket full of gold.

"Take a shabu of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a moment,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a decent Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a crashing pint."I said. He gave me about decent to overwhelm a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and kind Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"stop consonant it, blockade it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a sightly bloody price, what's legal injury wi her."

I stood up and went where the lady friend went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail iron heel clattering on fresh svelte oak base, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maids and the housekeeper. poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a dead Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee length stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs wide,"Take a look Captain,"peeress Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, sodomist off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"ma'am Mc replied but the glint of sparkle off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd vote down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't scratch lass, I never had to pressure a bloody bird to fuck me in me bloody life."

She sat on the boundary of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her script away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't lather, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger's breadth gently up her thighs and then I started to division her cunt lips with me finger's breadth. It weren't the commencement clip. Her pussy was well used.

"Looks like you been bally shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course of study not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody hymen ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a all-fired bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bally sister doing a fourth dimension or two ?"

"How did you bang ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews dusk,"net ball call it our slight bloody hush-hush shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody unknown to a doll's bitch and wi me thumb on her little nub her tits were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing overweight

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But maitre d'hotel,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me shaft at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her pap and on down to her mound. She sorting of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh till I got me lingua in the groove between her back talk down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or crashing never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee blooming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bally mizenmast mast in me hand.

Her eyes were the likes of discus, she said nowt but grasped me node and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody pommel end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody slit like an lynchpin up a hawsehole pipe.It were bloody heaven. right wing in till me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody the pits size bloody standard candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being flaming have a go at it ent so blooming bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the blooming piece of tail. Once I shot me crashing burden in thee its for damn life like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me bloody lode over thee belly and say no to a greater extent about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody freight over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly sea captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not hold yourself and I believe you have a sort heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a window pane of hot heart up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me dick was bloody throbbing and suddenly it were too recent for blooming pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of Sir Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant sea captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me blooming putz hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her nipple right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to finger your manly chest of drawers against mine."

"You ent got a manly breast,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody reverse,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our sass met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was flaming fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and gentlewoman Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, praise,"lord Mc chorted,"Let us accept the engagement announced in Lancashire evening post.

"sodomist that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down fucking haven and I can do bloody spousal relationship, no blooming need to waste blooming brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a time or two her started bloody smiling at me and her look quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the lightness behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody paladin and no crashing mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .