Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from blinking Yorkshire and I do n't feed a sodomist what you bloody think because I bloody speak as I bloody observe.

We had a flaming bad trip back from US on Steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made certainly me brass were safe and went to see crashing Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to couple. agentive role were a despicable prick with slicked down whisker and poncy causa. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood blooming desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day police chief, I am delighted to meet you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me cheek,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me all-fired mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the administration,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, part of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant Brass,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired Gorilla gorilla in a black garb with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"plaque, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody unwitting Lanky buggers ent it ?"

"brass is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever beef eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking Price,"the slimy prick said rooking me,"The check please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round camber and paid it in quick. Daft bastard on counter near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a fairly few British pound and went about me business.

15 bloody twenty-four hours voyage took, fucking steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in banking company and could descend home instead of scratting round down Confederate States of America U.S. way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour captain what were a mate of mine, we had a confab for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave marketplace, I fancies a overnice plump refreshful brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have hard worker in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad toff got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I chance a prissy plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to espouse a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk bawd house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed adept idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at Queens Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner Menu outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would hold a bite to eat. Now I ent fatheaded or nowt but I couldn't make head or tail o fare so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea sentence and noon prison term was luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager come up to me and asked me business,"Looking for a nob to conjoin,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be unadulterated mind."

He got wrong end of stick and suggested a dyad of whore sign of the zodiac.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a clean bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have an asset see, not stay fresh forking out for sporting lady till I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep hard worker anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing image of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his dorsum to us over there's got Sir Thomas More daughter than you can sway a stick at, why not make him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old old codger talking to his match over a sliver of fish and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a flaming Christian church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a duet of daughters to unload like ?"I says heterosexual out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's blooming decorousness,"I says,"I ent no house painter I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mate was pissing they selves laughing at me,"expression if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two wooden leg, two arms, span of bloody bosom, own tooth, auditory sense and seeing would be a incentive but long as she can execute in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mate, a simpering prat dressed like a right pimp says,"You might well espouse off your Emily if you play your cards right."

"I ent playing no bloody wag,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many damn card sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his married person grabbed his arm.

"St. George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dower he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and play my daughters ?"

His poncy match warned him not to appear too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The fellow lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lick of pigment and the butler's crown had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the servants living quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the blighter explained

"sea captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"From bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody judgment. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll finger me damn belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your forgiveness,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody cleaning woman turns up,"By heck you're an ugly bitch,"I says,"Bob Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay mesen to stab thee."

"This is my married woman chieftain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me labialize the chops, we her dainty mitt and one-half inch long finger nails."Feisty art object ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite wishes to court of justice one of our daughters dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Divine McGonnegal, Almighty Mc for short.

"Over my utter body,"dame Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"seed now we are all friends here,"noble Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly white,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe dangerous undertaking in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, storm, bloody feed piss pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut broad on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, senior high school bloody time to bloody settle down."

"And you seek to motor hotel my girl ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more blinking like,"I said,"Don't thinker bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody Butler poking on her ilk thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody head word, I also reckoned Divine Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to stay fresh stum so she showed us into parlour."Girls,"she says,"Come and cope with Captain er, what is your epithet ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The initiative girl were knockout, blond hairsbreadth on her shoulder, blue eyes, foursquare rigged wearing apparel showcasing her mamilla, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servants, any road her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my minute eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a all-fired nooky,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me fucking judgement and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another imaginativeness of loveliness followed into the room,"Queen Victoria,"dame Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a blinking kid wi a all-fired hangover. Wi her shortsighted hair and scowling case if it had n't been for her tits you 'd have thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bally bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't William Tell if it were a bloody fellow or a bloody bint eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin male child, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in pact headwaiter,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit slim on bloody primer coat,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest group in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, upright hazard her were a bloody Virgo, if I blew flaming candle out it wouldn't matter what her damn face looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody Virgin I ‘ ll fucking thee and and wed thee and I can't say clean than that."

"Captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to guide her off thi bloody helping hand and put a ring on her bloody finger's breadth, postulate it or go away it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this behemoth for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a blooming wife lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, someone to seem after me bloody house, Captain Cook, clean look after bloody kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love life or affectionateness then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, flaming heart, I just wants a bloody piece of ass, you wo n't do secure than that and I shan't bloody offer a crashing gain."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the answer captain is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty objet d'art ent her ?"I queried,"I got the hard currency,"I said,"If thee mentation I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a air hole full of gold.

"Take a field glass of wine maitre d',"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a moment,"overlord Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madeira wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missis go and sorting Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"Stop it, end it mother I would rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a middling bloody price, what's improper wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the steps me hobnail boots clattering on fresh smooth oak story, public treasury I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber housemaid and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across boldness with a beat haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her stays and knee duration stockings, no pants or zippo but showing her privates and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs all-embracing,"Take a look skipper,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you crashing bullies, sodomist off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But captain,"Lady Mc replied but the spark of light off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to off me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the threshold shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a crashing wench to fuck me in me fucking life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her buck private as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't sweat, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingerbreadth gently up her thigh and then I started to part her bitch lips with me fingers. It weren't the first base time. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course of action not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a matter ?"

"Well your bloody virginal membrane ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bally feller I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me damn sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you do it ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big plagiarizer belt and let me trews declivity,"Lets call it our footling bloody secret shall us ?

"flavor Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody strangers to a wench's cunt and wi me flick on her picayune nub her titty were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a nooky,"I explained,"Can't expect me to halt now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no right ramming me stopcock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her pile. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh money box I got me natural language in the groove between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I were not about to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or fucking never and I stood up before aiming me old man at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody mizenmast mast in me hand.

Her eyes were wish disk, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody boss end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an lynchpin up a hawse pipe.It were bloody heaven. right in till me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody nether region sizing bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody fucked ent so blooming bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the fucking fuck. Once I shot me damn payload in thee its for damn life like, if thee can't tummy it say now and I'll shoot me damn load over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty guineas,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not encumber yourself and I believe you have a form affection under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a dose of hot tinder up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your bad Captain."

Me chunk was bloody crinkling and me cock was blinking throbbing and suddenly it were too latterly for damn pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant headwaiter,"she chuckled,"Next sentence perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody cock hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may sop up my teats if it helps to excite you."And with that she pulled her mammilla right out of her girdle and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly dresser against mine."

"You ent got a manly pectus,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and invest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't weigh much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me pecker reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hr or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old cuss, kudos,"God Almighty Mc chortled,"Let us have the betrothal announced in Lancashire evening post.

"sodomite that I'm a bloody sea police captain, '' I explained,"We can nip down blinking seaport and I can do bloody marriage, no bloody penury to ware bloody governing body on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a time or two her started smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit and the lights behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's all-fired paladin and no mistake, even if she do derive from bloody Lancashire .