Chapter 1
For our one-month anniversary, Alyssa had bought me this pillock little ceramic bear. He fit in the palm of your mitt, nothing big, nothing fancy. He was a cutesy little affectedness, not like a real bear, but to a greater extent like a ceramic version of a shift bear. He was sitting on his stooge, an ice cream cone cell in his little hand, or paw, whatever you wanted to call it. He had a trivial dopy smile on his boldness, minuscule yellow bow tie, tied around his neck. We had been out at a carnival, and she had seen it at this little booth as we walked past and just bought it for me on the spur of the moment.

She handed it to me with a niggling shy smile on her human face,"Happy anniversary."She mumbled as she handed it to me, like she was self-conscious about it, like maybe I'd looking at it and say, ‘ this is stupid ’, or I'd tell her it wasn't enough…

It was one of those cutesy trivial moments all couples seem to take. One footling unobjectionable moment that either meant naught, or everything depending on the couple.

I was a little let down to see him voyage across the room at my head…

I was even more disappoint to see him shatter into a million firearm as I ducked him. I felt the hundreds of acuate little man of him bounce around the room, trying desperately to tear up my flesh. I held my arm up over my grimace, deciding to sacrifice the arm to save my face. It's not much of a face, but it's all I have…

The bitch of it all was it was Alyssa that had thrown him at me…

Guess she hadn't liked that bear as much as I had.

"I know you're fucking around on me !"She screamed.

Sad thing was, I wasn't fucking around on her…

I'm pudding head. I'm selfish. I'm really not much of a provider. I don't even like myself all that much…

One matter I am however, is loyal.

My cell phone, nestled into the front pocket of my denim, started ringing again. The shrill air raid Siren that I had made my ring tone belting out into the room. I was really starting to regret that ringtone, though, right now, with a wild, and semi-crazy woman shredding my belongings as she screamed at me like a banshee, an emergency air raid Siren might be a little more appropriate than I was willing to admit to myself…

Alyssa was short, maybe five-five to my full six base. She was a light wad, however, and she knew how to make the most of what god had given her. What she lacked in intimidation factor, she more than made up for in sheer voluminous Energy. At the speech sound of my phone going off, the third clock time in as many minutes she got right up in my face.

"Why don't you want to answer your phone ? Is it your whore calling ?"She sneered into my face.

Part of me wanted to tell her I didn't answer the speech sound because I didn't want to throw any more petrol on the fire of her insanity… there were plenty more breakable items in my house and her flinging them around willy-nilly probably wasn't doing me any favour both with the neighbor, and in terminal figure of my security deposit…

Considering she had lost so much control that she was hurling ceramic bears around the room… I decided it was better, and more than likely quite a bit smarter, to hold on my mouth shut.

She blew up like this about once every two weeks. One fourth dimension it would be her insistence I was cheating on her. The next that I was cheating on her because I had watched some porn. The clip after that, I wasn't working enough. The time after that, I worked too much.

One time she had blown up like this because there were no steaks in the freezer…

I was beginning to think she might be a niggling crazy.

Of course, I had to find fault myself at least a small, after all, what does that say about me ? I'm dating a chick that flips out and throws ceramic bears around the room.

Maybe my mental nation wasn't one to be casting aspersions…

She held her arms out wide,"What, are you not man sufficiency to severalize me ? You can't just admit, you're not heading off to class, or off to work ? I know you've got some little squawk on the face. What does she take in that I don't ? She sucks dick a minuscule better ?"Her voice grew taunting, cruel,"Come on, be a man, tell me !"

I considered for a bit the mental impression that flashed through my head, had I had a side man and how the conversation with Alyssa would go if I told her that daughter gave sound head…

She pushed me hard in the chest, shoving me back into the wall.

A come away part of my head screamed to smack her one. To let her have a go at it that she could yell, and scream, and accuse me of whatever she wanted to, because I really didn't concern about any of that bullshit. She could throw fit, and even fiddling ceramic bears at my nous, but she needed to keep her work force off of me.

I pushed that part down. Pushed it down way deep.

I wasn't much of a man, but I wasn't a man that had ever laid a mitt on a woman in wrath, and I wasn't about to start because Alyssa went through a fit of overjealous rage.

Course, for that matter, I wasn't much of a man of wrath. Most matter that pissed other citizenry off, just made me sad for them. I just didn't seem to have that gene that made masses go nutcase and start throwing affair. I had never had that fit where I just needed to violate something to realise myself feel better. Some multitude however, seemed to have that gene in spades…

takings Alyssa here…

We had started dating about six month ago. At get-go, it had been rattling. We got along enceinte. She had a terrific good sense of humor, was fun loving and had a body to die for. She seemed really into me. She had serious commitment government issue, but that was okay. She wanted our relationship to run like a sprint. In her mind at six months we should be living together. Inside a year, married. By yr two, a kid on the way. Six months had come and gone, and there was no invitation to move in. component of that was my desire to study things slowly… part of it was a desire to deliver a mo peace where I didn't have to care about something getting thrown at my head… hell, if I'm being completely honest, component of it was that I still didn't really make love how I felt about Alyssa…

A component part of me loved how dedicated she was to mapping her life out. How dedicated she was to making that living materialize for her. Another part of me was absolutely disgusted how upset she got when things didn't study out for her exactly the way she wanted them to. The prominent component part of me however, was simply tired of having to constantly be on the defensive about her insane insecurity issues…

problem was, I was not into the whirlwind marriage. I didn't want to just slip one's mind a ring on the first base lady friend that I liked, hell, even one that I loved. I wasn't that guy that just give myself into something. I took my time with things. I wanted to prepare sure that the girl I married was the one I was going to be with for the repose of my living. It was a big committal, and not just financially, but in time as well. I had promised myself that I would get married once, and only once. If I couldn't make it work out, that was my one shot at it.

Seemed like the more time passed, the more Alyssa and I weren't going to see eye to eye…

She was screaming something incoherent at me. Truth was, she was suddenly so small and tire. In my psyche, I decided this was the last time she was going to scream at me. The in conclusion time she was going to throw something at me. The very last fourth dimension she was going to lay her handwriting on me.

I felt my eyes darken, my breathing place shallow, the operose muscles in my shoulder joint and neck bunch.

I am not an angry man. In fact, I can only think of a mates of metre in my full life that I was ever truly angry. I am not a red man. What I am, however, is big, and when roused I think I come across as an angry grizzly bear. It makes me intimidating, and that got me pretty far in the universe when it came to making a crazy someone composure right the fuck down…

In fact, I had observed, most angry citizenry were comparable angry dog-iron. They made a lot of very big sound, but when faced with a scourge that seemed like it was going to sting back, they started to make some unplayful doubts… and they got a wholly lot more reasonable very quickly.

Channeling all of that intimidation and Energy into my body I growled at her,"Step back."

Her oculus widened, a glint of fear smashing across them as, in her psyche, she finally pissed me off enough to get angry with her.

What was really nutcase was the manic glee that shoved its way into her eyes…

Fucking crazy bitch is getting off on the fact she finally pissed me off… I thought to myself wildly.

She started to open her mouth and say something new, some early, terrible, severe thing.

My mind flashed back to the bit month Alyssa and I had been together…

We were sitting on the lounge and she was talking about her last boyfriend. She went on and on about how often he abused her. How he had smacked her around. All the terrible and nasty things he had said to her. She told me about a particularly brutal fight they had where he had punched her in the look and knocked two of her teeth out. From the sounds of it he was a real winner…

That disturbed look in her eye made me wonder…

Was this something she got off on ? Was she one of those char that needed to realise themselves a victim ? One that needed to just keep pushing a man's buttons until he finally lashed out at her ? I'm not saying it was right for a man to finally misplace his temper, I'm just saying that everyone has a threshold for ill-usage. Smacking a cleaning woman around to get her to shut out up was a really pudden-head and selfish way to handle that when it was so sluttish to just walk out and bar caring…

She was still screaming something. I really wasn't paying attending anymore…

The more I thought about it, that gear of thought didn't make sensation on Alyssa. Thinking on it, it didn't runway, and then I realized, she wasn't the character of adult female that enjoyed being abused. Her constant worrying, the accusal, the unfounded innuendo, hell, even the violence and humour tantrums she displayed pointed towards someone that had been victimized. Someone that decided that they were going to be the attacker from now on. Someone that had zero true self confidence but who desperately wanted to be seen as a convinced somebody. Someone who perhaps had learned that the best way to keep off being a victim was to victimize…

Everything she was doing right now, this entire display, was a show.

That tone in her eyes… it wasn't that she got off on pissing me off. Hell, I had to admit to myself, it was just her spirit victorious for getting some kind of response out of me. Me showing some sign of life…

I realized then, Alyssa wasn't a bad person. She just bored the ever-loving shit out of me. She was petty, shrill and about as annoying as you could get. The truth was, I wanted her gone. I wanted her out of my life, and rather than be a man and show her the door I had simply driven her away in the hope that she would get tired of my shit and leave.

Right now, though, right now, she was just pissing me off…

My phone rang again.

She gave me a smug smile."Why don't you answer it ? I'm sure your little beef is worried about you."She sneered.

I frowned, shrugged and pulled my earpiece out.

I saw her eye fill with rage as I glanced from them to the screen on the phone. phoner ID said it was Casey…

Instantly I filled with trouble. Casey was my oldest friend. She lived four time of day away in my rest home town with her little girl, in fact, she lived right behind my parent's place. She helped out babysitting my little sister… she was a class friend, and a personal one.

She would not yell four times back to back if it weren't an emergency.

My centre popped up to Alyssa's."Hold on a mo, this is important."

Her mouth dropped unresolved and I could see her furore furuncle up…

I hit the answer button and held the phone up to my ear."Casey, sorry, I was in the middle of something, what's up ?"

Casey's voice was filled with affright. Something was definitely wrong…

Of row, I couldn't hear what was causing her scare, because as soon as Alyssa heard a distaff's voice on the phone she started screaming,"You motherfucker ! Why don't you say hi to your bitch for me !"

Alyssa rushed me, and I had to slant back, turning the phone away from her, holding it with one hand as I tried, mostly unsuccessfully to hold a crazed charwoman on the warpath back, and away from me.

I could feel the frustration in me rising,"Please, Alyssa, chill out for a second…"

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say to her at that finical moment…

Alyssa is a lefty…

A southpaw.

She reminded me of that with her will fist as it came rocketing in, smashing me in the face.

She was pocket-size, but she was a flicker jade. She hit me right. Good swing, inclination of the hips, putting her footling legs into it just the way I had shown her…

It was a hook, perfectly timed to saw across my expression and into my nose.

She's not big, but a well timed smack to the schnoz is going to get anyone's attention.

It sure got mine when my horn in broke.

I'm not too proud to allow in my articulatio genus went watery for a second base. I felt a rush of pride at knowing I was the one that had shown her how to throw that punch. I had worked many a Nox showing her exactly how to hold her hand, how to swing her rosehip into the poke, how to use her legs to get the absolute nigh out of throwing her system of weights behind it. My hands on her hips, my weapon guiding hers… maybe a muddied thought or two sliding through the dark waters of my mind as I moved my dead body with hers…

Hey, I'm a man, sue me.

Now, however, I felt a kick of disappointment in her at her using that knowledge against me…

nuisance lancing through my face, I put the phone back up to my ear as I walked away from Alyssa."Casey, please hold on a sec."

I walked over to the front door, threw the curl and opened it. Alyssa screamed behind me,"Yeah motherfucker ! Run away like a minuscule beef !"

cushion registered across her face when I turned back from the doorway. I guess after punching me in the human face she thought that I was going to throw her a beating. She probably assumed that her parting shot had put me over the edge, like I was opening the door to leave and she had finally said the wrong thing and now I was going to grow back around and cave her Mustela nigripes like face in…

Her mouth opened in shock as I grabbed her by the elbow and firmly walked her to the door. She screamed and fought. She called me name calling. She frothed at the mouth like a rabid beaver…

Turns out, I won't hit a woman…

I will however, firmly put my foot on her ass and navigate her right the fuck out my social movement door…

I guess it's good for us all to know our limits…

Slamming the door behind her, I flipped the lock.

This was my apartment, and as much as I liked Alyssa, I liked my personal outer space a solid lot more. She did not have a key, so I was not all that worried she'd get back in. She'd probably throw a sanctum animation bitch fit and heartbeat on the door…

Well, I knew she'd throw a cunt fit as she started pounding on the door almost immediately…

She had an amazing repartee of condemnation words… as evidenced by the door, and her screaming through it.

I held my hand up to my expression, just now registering that I was bleeding from the nose profusely. I tried to stem the bleeding, lamenting the fact that I had probably just ruined a perfectly in effect shirt.

Fuck ! I got line on the carpet ! I noted in disheartenment as I saw the little drops of red on the beige carpet.

roue dripped from between my digit, as I held my bridge player over my nose and raised the phone back up to my ear.

"Casey ?"I said, my voice nasally from speaking through my hand.

"What the fuck was that ?"She demanded.

I tilted my head back as I walked toward the toilet."Sorry about that. My crazy lady friend just broke my fucking nose. Well, I guess my crazy ex-girlfriend just broke my nose."

"What ? !"

I couldn't assistant but laughter at the panic and wrath in her vocalization."Not a big deal. I walked her out the door. Sorry about that."

She went dead silent for a few seconds."That's it ? You just walked her out ?"

Just about then I made it to the bathroom and surveyed my face in the mirror. As I tilted my head down the blood line starting pouring again."Just a second, my nose is bleeding. I have to put the phone down for a second."

I could dimly see Casey's vocalization as I set the speech sound down on the return and pulled a few sheets of potty report off the scroll. Wadding up a couple of sheets for each nostril, I stuck them up there in the hopes I could get the bleeding to stop…

propensity in close to the mirror I surveyed the price. There was a new lump on my already ugly nose… she definitely broke my nose…

That was a damn OK left hook… I allowed myself. Nothing wrong with being proud of workplace done well…

I picked the phone back up."I'm back. Sorry. What's wrong ?"

She was silent so long I was worried she might have hung up on me. When her voice came back on the rail line I could tell she was on the threshold of crying…

"Your mom is in the hospital."

I felt a small of the air rush out of the world…

"What ?"I asked in despair. My creative thinker jumped around, wondering why Casey was calling me instead of my dad, or my piddling sister."What happened ?"

Her phonation was rushed, filled with pain,"I don't know. Your dad and sis came home base and I guess they found her on the kitchen base. Your dad rushed her to the hospital and he sent Adrianna here… I only talked with your dad really quick on the phone. He asked me to check Adrianna. He's freaking out."

I was freaking out a picayune bit myself…

"How bad is it ? Do you cognise ?"My voice was quick, desperate…

I could hear her stifle back a sob,"I don't know Jakey… I'm sorry, I don't know. Adrianna said she was limp on the floor when they found her."

I looked at my watch. It was four in the afternoon. It was a four-hour driving. Most of it through back res publica where cell reception was going to be spotty at best…

"I'm on the road in five second. I'll be there by eight. If you talk to my dad, let him know I'm on the way."

"Hurry Jake. Please."Her voice was raw, replete of desperation, she was looking for a little hope, and I was in a unspeakable place to provide it for her.

My heart bled for her…

She was stuck there, taking caution of her three-year-old daughter and my fourteen-year-old sister. Her friend heading to the infirmary. She was probably going out of her judgement worrying and there she was stuck needing to be knotty and not accrue apart in the aspect of two nestling that needed to depend on her… and here I was on the other face of the country, a four-hour drive away…

That little nag part in my head snickered at me for being the firearm of crap that I was. For not being there when my home needed me…

"Do you require to lecture to Adrianna ?"She asked.

I thought about it."No. I want to grab some dress and get on the road. William Tell Adrianna I'm on my way."

"Okay, Jakey…"

I started walking quickly to the bedchamber, forgetting about the bloody, broken nose. Forgetting about the pain. Forgetting about Alyssa, who, incidentally, was still beating on the forepart doorway and screaming at the top of her lungs for me to let her back in, I noted as I stopped in the hallway for a warm second.

"Casey…"I tried to think about what to say… how does one give thanks a champion for stepping in and taking forethought of your family because you were too big a while of shit to be there when you were needed ? I settled for,"thank you."

"Please just hurry…"

"Okay."

With that, I hung up the speech sound. I grabbed my pitch-dark backpack, the one I used for shoal, and dumped my rule book out on the bed. A book of account on Environmental Law flipped face up, reminding me of that failure…

I forced the thought out of my mind as I grabbed underclothes, knickers, windsock and a couple of shirts and overindulge them in the bag. I ran back to the bathroom and grabbed my shave kit, throwing in my soup-strainer, toothpaste and razor. I shoved that into my bag too.

I nearly ran back to the chamber, giving one concluding panicked glance around the room, trying desperately to calculate out if there was anything else I needed to get on the road.

shtup it. If I need anything else I can get it at a store when I get there… I thought wildly to myself, just desperately wanting to get on the road…

In all the excitement, I had forgotten that Alyssa was still outside. Still smashing on the doorway like a goddamn crazed brownie, a imp that was also high on PCP.

I grabbed the handle and took a oceanic abyss breath. I really didn't want to open that door. Like, really, really didn't want to afford that door.

Briefly, I considered going back into the bathroom, opening the windowpane and jump from the indorse floor… the thought of doing so made me laugh a little.

Stop being a Coward and just face this… I warned myself. Putting it off won't make it any easier…

I wrenched the door open and Alyssa recoiled back. She again, must give birth thought I had finally lost my temper and that I was going to hit her…

She really doesn't think much of me… The thought smashed home as I realized how short we truly infer each early.

Even after six months… she thought I was going to beat on her and I thought she was a reasonable, uncrazy someone. For a split-second I felt regret smash through the corridors of my brain at the time I had wasted with her. Thinking on it, I realized that I had allowed myself to be paralyzed by fear and a deep-seated sentience of sympathy. I had not broken things off with her because I knew she would acquire it severe, and somehow, it was just well-to-do in my head to brook and let her go on her merry little way. I hadn't loved her, not really. I don't think she loved me either, we were both just too terrified to be alone and so we had clung to each former like two survivors at sea, feeling like it was better to be alone together than to present it, and be alone, alone.

Anger and sorrow fought each other for control of her typeface."I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."

I pushed my way past her, just wanting to be rid of her, to get on the road and start off, to train the opportunity to be with my mom… who might very well be dying as I had this pointless conversation 100 of Roman mile away…

She grabbed my arm, as I closed the door, screaming at me,"Goddamn it ! lecture to me !"

I whirled on her,"sufficiency. We're done."I told her, my hand slashing the air in front of me."I'm sick of this bullshit. I've had enough. Go find whatever the screw it is that's going to make up you happy, but leave me the screwing out of it."

I watched as her sorrow turned to see red, as the insect turned in her psyche, poisoning her thoughts.

I walked away from her before her rage could push through again.

Three doors down the corridor a room access opened and my landlady, Mrs. Epstein stepped out. I could see the letdown painted on her look, knit stitch as day.

She was a little old lady, afters as could be. I really liked her and I was embarrassed at the fact that this had to play out in front line of her…

She looked at me and the dislike in her heart sent a shudder of pity through my spine…

"kid, plenty is plenty here… if you two have to agitate constantly at least do your neighbor the good manners of not letting it slop out into the hallway."She admonished me like a stern schoolteacher…

My center found the base and I shook my promontory ruefully.

leaving Alyssa standing there, her mouth flopping open and closed like a beached fish I walked up to my landlady."Mrs. Epstein, I apologize. I'm sorry for the scene."

She shook her head at me,"Don't be sad Jake… do something about it. Be better."

Sighing, I tried to explicate to her."I just got a call. My mom's in the hospital. I have to go house for a few days."

Her face instantly filled with concern,"Oh, dearest, I'm so sorry…"

I shook my foreland at her, trying to let her know not to shit a scene about it. Things like this always embarrassed me.

"Can you keep an eye on my place for me while I'm gone ?"I asked."I don't know how long it will be."

Alyssa's part echoed from behind me,"What do you stand for your mom's in the hospital ?"

I sighed again, tilting my head back towards Alyssa."This one is not receive here anymore, but she's most probably going to have a hard meter getting that into her skull."

Again, Alyssa's voice piped back up,"What the screw does that mean ?"

I closed my center and instinctively reached up to crusade on the bridgework of my nose, only to be reminded of the check nose…

I winced touching it, the bother rocketing through my face.

Mrs. Epstein's middle narrowed in angriness, her eye flashing towards Alyssa."miss. Do I need to squall the police to get you to pull up stakes ?"

Fortunately, that shut her the fuck up…

Of course, if the pig showed up I to the highest degree likely would be in a shitload of trouble too… I'm sure it would get twisted around. At the very to the lowest degree I'd end up tied up forever answering interrogation and it would put me on the road all that much later. I wanted very much to get moving…

I shook my pass at her,"We're OK, she's departure, and I'm fine, and I need to get on the road."

She clenched her jaw at me."okay, honey."Patting me on the arm she added,"If you need anything just telephone okay ?"

I nodded weakly at her."Thanks."

Alyssa followed me all the way to my truck. She would not shut the fuck up, and somehow, she got it into her heading that I wanted her there…

I just ignored her, walked fast and tried to get her to finally fucking understand I had no desire for her to be there anymore. I just wanted her to walk away… how could she not get that ? What did I need to do to be more clear ?

See, that's the problem with being a doormat. masses didn't understand what you are doing when you finally get up and shake the dirt off…

I had just thrown my bag into the bed of the pickup when she finally said"Just give me a couple days and I'll drive down and join you."

I spun around."Are you fucking stupid person ?"

The venom in my articulation surprised me.

Her grimace went wide in shock."How dare you talk to me like that ?"

I jabbed a finger towards my broken nose."How dare I ? Listen here, you crazy bitch. You broke my shag nose. I've pretty clearly told you,"I emphasized each parole with a chopper of my deal,"I. Don't. privation. You. Around. Me. Anymore. What do I birth to do ? Take out fucking hoarding that says, ‘ Fuck off loony bitch, I don't have prison term for any to a greater extent insanity in my life !'?"

My jaw clenched and I could finally palpate the anger rising up from within me."We are done. Not with this conversation, not for right now. Forever. I don't want to see you ever again. How much clearer can I make that for you ?"

Sadness welled up in her eyes as tears started to gather.

And now she's crying… Fuck ! I thought to myself in exasperation.

"How can you be so mean to me ?"She sobbed."Just let me help, I just want to be there for you."

I held my paw up. I couldn't take it anymore."enough. I have to go."

Spinning away from her I opened the door to the cab of my truck…

"I know you're just upset Jakey,"Alyssa said,"I'll call you tomorrow and you'll see, things will be all better."

I slammed the door. Hard. I couldn't take it anymore.

Starting the truck, I slammed it into gear wheel and pulled out of the parking spot aggressively…



Chapter 2
I made it to the first blockage light before I realized I was going to demand gas…

My truck was nearly on empty and as I drove further and further towards household gas was going to do nothing but get harder to find and more and markedly more expensive.

Home. I thought as I drove. I hadn't thought of that place as household in four years… it was just a place that I had grown up. A place I had run from just as fast as I possibly could…

Now my mom was sick, and suddenly it was home ? The thought didn't make sensation to me.

Why is that place suddenly home ? I thought to myself as I pulled into the gas station.

As I pumped my gas the people at the former pumps gave me foreign looking at, making me wonder why I suddenly felt like an downright weirdo…

acquiring back on the road, I realized that I still had line stained lav paper sticking out of both nostrils… I felt like an absolute weirdo, because I looked like an absolute weirdo…

I pulled them both out and threw them out the window, laughing at my own stupidity…

The thought occurred to me then, I was due at work in the morning…

I pulled my telephone out and called my boss…

I worked as a sound shop assistant at a small law firm. It was low storey work. Running down track, looking up cases. Interviewing guest, and potential clients while I took notes. The pay was shit. The employment was shit. My political boss was a hawkshaw. It was still a paycheck though and as very much as I hated it, I decide that it was probably not a upright estimate to dump gas over my entire life and set fire to it before I left town.

He picked up just as I started to hope that I was going to get lucky and the call was going to go to voicemail…

"Jake, I'm sword lily you called. We've got a trouble. I need you to meet with Carey Larson in the morning-"

I cut him off,"I can't. I just got a call. My mom's in the hospital. I have to go back home for a few days."

The transmission line went silent…

I started to wonder…

"expression. Jake, I can't break you any clip off right now, we're in the middle of a big case here, I mean this could be a couple hundred thousand dollar bill'Worth of lawsuit here. I mean I'd love to give you a couplet of days off, and I'm harmonic to your spot, but I'm in Tahoe and my wife would down me if I broke away from this vacation…"

Are you fucking kidding me ?

I sat for a minute, hoping against Hope he would finally total to his gage and realize exactly what he had just said to me…

The ancestry sat quiet…

Finally, I cleared my throat,"Maybe you don't understand what I'm saying… My mom is in the hospital. I don't be intimate how unplayful it is. I'm not asking for fourth dimension off. I'm tattle you, I won't be there in the morning."

"Maybe you're not understanding what I'm saying…"He growled,"If you're not at work in the daybreak, you don't have a job anymore."

I frowned. Well, that sucks. Hey, at least I didn't like the job all that much…

"I understand."

"So, you'll be there in the morning ?"

"Nope."I said, hanging up the speech sound and throwing it on the seat next to me…

fountainhead, there was nothing like burning a few Harry Bridges on the way out of town…



Chapter 3

I spent the number 1 hour of the head trip working through the item of how I was going to get abode and obtain my mom had died… I thought of all the manner that could go down. All the ways that I could turn a loss her. She was youth, only sixteen long time sr. than me, forty to my twenty-two… wait, no, thirty-eight to my twenty-two… god, was she really that young ?

I spent the second 60 minutes wishing my phone would surround. That someone would visit me. That they would tell me what the underworld was going on… that she was ticket. That this was all a big misunderstanding…

I spent the tierce hour hoping my phone wouldn't ring… I was for sure if it did ring it would be someone on the other end telling me that she had died. Telling me that I had been too late. Telling me that she had left without me being able to at least tell her goodbye. That she had died without me being able to separate her how much she had meant to me. That I had missed my opportunity to thank her for all that she had taught me, all she had done for me…

The go hour, I spent thinking about the citizenry who were waiting for me at home…

hoi polloi that I loved…

I thought about my mom, Deb. She wasn't really my mom. She was my whole step mom, but to me, she was my mom. Family was about a infernal region of a lot more than descent, it was about the hoi polloi who had bled for you, it was about the mass that had been there for you. The people that stood beside you when the honorable thing for them was to take the air away and let you flounder on your own. It was about the masses that put aside their own penury and wants for you. People that had made sacrifices for you. People that took care of you when you were chuck. multitude that looked out forrea you when you were in trouble. mass that gave you advice when you couldn't figure things out on your own. That spent their metre and energy education you to be a safe person…

Deb definitely fit that pecker in every way. She was my mom, she had earned that name in every way that really mattered.

I let my mind drift back to how she and my dad had met…

It wasn't a love fib for the historic period, but it was a love story nonetheless…

My mom died when I was nine. My dad dutifully shouldered the responsibility of taking care of me. It didn't really seem like something he wanted to do, it was just another labor that he put his shoulder to, another boulder that he pushed up the hill.

At the clock time, he worked at a mill, memorial park shift. By the time I was eleven I had gone through various sitter. I went over to their house and I slept there. Apparently, that was too very much problem for most people.

We lived in a shitty footling house trailer in a stinky niggling trailer park. A span moved in succeeding door. Husband, wife, piddling girl. Deb, her husband, and their daughter. My dad and I were always pretty standoffish with our neighbor, we were the character of hoi polloi that kept to ourselves, and made it apparent we expected everyone else around us to do the Saame, but for some grounds my dad hit it off with Deb. She played pianissimo, and he would sit there on the sofa with the window give and listen to her play. She would play Moonlight Sonata, by Beethoven, and he would just sit there with this enrapture look on his face…

It was about then that I realized that what the really point out, was Deb.

He would find an exculpation to take the air outside when he heard her mowing the lawn…

And Deb started to really notice my dad.

She would get along over every few days and take over some minuscule food for thought item or another, an egg here, or a little sugar, and then she'd show back up an hour later with a collection plate full of cookies…

After a couple of weeks, he asked her to initiate sitting for me. He made the excuse that it would just be easier to let the neighbor watch me. They were a pitiful family, and they could use the extra money. I would go over there at night, sometimes in the evening if he took on supererogatory shifts, and I'd slumber there, or sit and look on Disney moving-picture show with little Adrianna as Deb played the pianoforte, or cooked for us, or did one of the million other thing that seemed to be her responsibleness as a housewife ...

It made me a footling sad to see her. She was an awe-inspiring Lady, one of the mellisonant I had ever known. Her hubby, microphone, was a student, and a substantial slice of hoot. He was 20 years her senior, and apparently had met her in the little Ithiel Town she had grown up in. Being the fucking slimeball I knew him to be, he had, at skillful than thirty yr of age, started hitting on a fifteen-year-old little girl. By the metre she was sixteen he had knocked her up, and I guess that was all the self-justification her parents needed to marry her off to him…

I never saw him be mean to her, never saw him abuse her, but I rarely saw him interact with her at all… He just sat in the front sleeping accommodation of the trailer, which he had converted into an position and played on his computer, or sat at his desk fascinated by some electronic thingmajig that he had pulled apart.

I got the sense he had just knocked her up and he treated her like she was a dog he owned…

It made me really sad for her.

It made me really angry at him…

She started hanging out at our place when I wasn't over at hers. She would bring her girl, Adrianna, and my dad and her would just interact. It wasn't dating per se… but it wasn't that far off either. They'd sit and beverage beers, talking and laughing for hours…

Even at eleven, I knew that it wasn't completely kosher. I knew, on some floor that she was a marital woman, and what my dad was doing was wrong. Honestly, I guess in my psyche I just made myself not care.

I guess she just wanted someone to pay aid to her. Maybe to finger like someone finally loved her.

I guess my dad just wanted someone to share his life with…

My dad and Deb fell in love. The fallout from her marriage imploding was… impressive.

Her husband showed up at our place one night wino and full of accusations, and he decided to pick out a swing music at my dad. My dad is many things…

Patient is not one of them.

Mike was a forty-year-old, adiposis nerd.

My dad was a 30 twelvemonth old millworker that was not in the business of taking shit from forty-year-old nerds…

So… uh… Dad beat the holy living fuck out of Deb's married man. I don't mean he popped him one. I mean he went full on, sick badger protecting his den on microphone. To this day, I wonder what would have happened if Deb had not finally arrived…

I think my dad may have killed that man…

Not surely which stung Mike worse, the thrashing my dad threw him, or when his wife moved out the next day, taking their girl with her.

On some level, I felt bad for him.

On pretty much every other grade, I despised the man. It made me feel better about the unit office when I reminded myself how he had treated her. How truehearted she had been to him for years and years… How if he had just had two head cellular phone that weren't locked in somebody fighting he could take in turned it around.

I finally decided it was his loss.

From the moment they moved in, Deb treated me like her very own. She watched out for me. She held me when I was down. She gave me advice on how to spill to girls, and helped me with my homework. She stepped between me and my dad as we argued, the ever-present voice of intellect, saneness and solitaire. She always watched out for me. Even with her daughter there, she always made time for me. She always made vim for me. She always made me a priority.

She made me get it on her.

tear filled my oculus as I remembered how happy she had always made me. How safe I had always felt in her appeasement presence…

At first, it was weird suddenly having a piffling sister. Adrianna was only three and we were forced into pretty end quarter. My dad's lagger only had two bedrooms, and as a espouse couple… well you can reckon who's bedroom Adrianna ended up in…

At first, I hated her. I hated that I had to share everything with her, that she was constantly around…

Always under my feet. Always itching to hang out with me…

Then, one day, it finally hit me. I had a little sister…

For the first time in my life, I wasn't alone. I found myself starting to enjoy her and Adrianna and I grew closer and closer. It wasn't easy, not with eight geezerhood'difference in age, but just being there with her. Being a part of her life story. Helping to resurrect her. Teaching her things. Watching her grow, and learn, and convey on some of my mannerism, some of my dad's idiosyncrasy made me start to really like her.

I was patient as she followed me around like a puppy dog. Unlike well-nigh kids, I just one day stopped minding. It always filled me with wonder to see how happy she was, how filled with curiosity.

leaving Adrianna was one of the tough parts of leaving home. She was my little sister… and I loved her and missed her every day.

I thought of my dad.

That made me consider of the disfavour on his face each time he looked at me.

I thought back to how it wasn't always that way. I felt like he loved me, or at least like he had loved me once. Like he at least liked me at some distributor point. Growing up I felt like he cared about me, but he desperately didn't want to experience to strike upkeep of me. I think in his mind he was just terrified of the duty of being completely responsible of this footling moldable human being, and how much damage he could to by fucking up…

I never really held it against him. Hell, the more I thought about it, the Sir Thomas More frightened I was of having my own children and having to worry about how badly I would fuck them up…

Most of my dad's attitude got better once Deb came around. She took care of most of my demand and my dad only really stepped in when he absolutely had to. He never really actively ignored me, he was always involved in my sprightliness, and it was obvious with the pastime he had in me that he cared, and that he loved me, but the day to day responsibilities he faced were greatly reduced… Deb took upkeep of Jakey outlet, or at least she did for the nigh voice. It was an arrangement that everyone seemed happy with. Dad got to worry less about messing up his kid, Jake got to have a mom in his sprightliness that was constantly hovering nearby when he needed her, and Deb got to be the thing she was always best in the Earth at, being a mother.

thing got unfit between me and my dad as I got more and more rebellious as I got older. We threw sparks off of each other continuously. As I got closer and closer to graduating high school things got better, and we finally started to see eye to eye more often, even, I felt, finally started to get along. Really finally started to see eye to eye. He was thrilled when I told him I wanted to be a lawyer…

He was even glad when I got into a good school…

I thought we were in a respectable place. I thought we understood each other…

About a year after I left things turned really sour.

That old disapproval came back, stronger than ever. Now, well now, he barely spoke to me…

He never really told me why. I had wondered, but the truth was, I was just so used to being a disappointment I could never act up the energy or lovingness that would be needed to ask him. I'm sure he had his reasons, and I had decided, I didn't really worry to find out them. Didn't really care to learn what there was about me that he saw that had led him to cut me out of his life…

I had about half an hour left on the drive when my telephone set rang, interrupting my musings.

Dread poured through me as I looked at it on the seat next to me…

Casey's pic was lit up on the display…

At least it isn't dad… I reminded myself. If she had died… I think dad would have at to the lowest degree called me then…

I picked up the phone. My heart turning dusty."Jake here."

Casey's voice was somber,"It's o.k. Jake. She woke up. She's still in the hospital, still in the ICU, but she woke up. The doctor's think she's going to be fine. At to the lowest degree for now."

I tried to slow down my respiration."What does that mean ? For now ?"

She stayed tranquillize for too long…

"They think she has a tumor, or at least some sort of growth in her throat. Something cut off her respiration, but just for a little piece. She's going to be okay for right now. They'll know more in the morning."

Tumor. Cancer. Mom…

The thoughts wouldn't untangle themselves in my mind.

I thought back to my birth mother, Vanessa… her light had been cut off by boob cancer… and now Deb…

back to your responsibilities. Your family needs you right now. Focus on that. Dad is going to be a mess, Mom's in the hospital. Adrianna needs you right now. concentre on that. The thought smashed into me.

"Where's my sis ?"I asked, my vocalism a picayune too harsh…

"She's here with me. She's worried out of her mind."Casey answered.

Anger flashed through my mind at that. Dad should have come and got her, or manned up and asked for help in bringing her to him and mom, from Casey. Adrianna should be with her female parent right now. She was just a kid. She needed her mom. It wasn't right for dad to have got kept her away… if Deb had died he would possess robbed her of the right to say bye-bye to her mother…

I decided then and there he and I were going to suffer a talk about that. A rather terse one…

occlusion. Getting angry isn't going to avail anyone. Stay focused on what is important. I reminded myself

I sighed…

Casey's vocalisation was subdued,"Are you going straight to the hospital when you get to town ?"

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see it."No. If you don't mind, I'm going to do get Adrianna. She needs to be with her mom right now, or at least be able to see her. Would that be alright ?"

Casey chuckled and for just a bit, I thought of her… her shock of red hair. Her pixie nozzle. Her ready laugh, and quicker smile.

Hell, it made me smile just thinking about it.

"I'd erotic love to see you Jakey… you are always receive here."

I sighed, my eyes drifting half closed, dangerous on the road, I knew, but I couldn't help it. I had finally found some hope. It was like I had found I was holding my breath and not even realizing it… like I finally got a breath of air after being trapped under water…

"I'll see you soon."She continued.

I knew she was going to attend up, so I talked fast…"Casey… oblige up."Again, my head spun, looking for the decently matter to say, the right thing to do. Casey had always done that to me… she had always confused me, like I couldn't even think when I was with her, when I was talking to her…

"look, kiddo."I shook my head, amazed at how prosperous I was to have a protagonist like her."Thank you for today. I don't know what we'd have done without you. Thank you for that."

She chuckled, and in my thinker I could see her beautiful face. Could see her easygoing smile…

"ejaculate home soon Jakey…"

Again, I nodded, feeling better,"I'll see you soon. I'm about half an hour out. okeh ?"

"Yeah…"

We broke off the conversation.

I put the phone back on the seat and view about my friend…

I had met Casey when I was eleven days old, right before Deb and her married man had moved in adjacent threshold. My dad and I had just moved from a tiny one chamber star sign and into the trailer he had bought. My mom's expiry was expensive, and the weight of all of that had fallen squarely on my dad's shoulders. Instantly, we had to downgrade from a proper kin nursing home to some crappy piffling hovel in the shittiest part of townspeople. Looking back, and knowing the variety of gallant man my dad was, I realized that must get been an amazingly difficult pick for him to have had to make…

organism eleven, I wasn't thrilled about the move. I had to change schools, had to move away from my booster, and at the fourth dimension I was pissed about it. Adding the benefit of hindsight, I could see now my dad had made the right pick. We both needed some space, we both needed our own sleeping accommodation, our own common soldier places. Our old place didn't allow that. The new one did.

I was an awkward kid. I had very few protagonist and the eccentric of personality that made it very difficult for me to draw new ones. Moving into a rundown trailer park in the better part of townspeople didn't make matter easier…

I was instantly a pariah. My inapt personality made it even more difficult. Add to that the fact that I was still, about probable, and quietly, trying to get over the release of my mom…

And then I met Casey. Beautiful, amazing, shady, lovely Casey…

I knew that normally hanging out with a girl a year younger than me would be considered weird, but at the clip I was so lonely and so in need of a friend that I didn't care, or at least, at the time, I made myself not care.

I thought back to the day I had met her…

Our poke ballpark had a little vacation spot on it. One day I was sitting there on one of the lilt and feeling sorry for myself when Casey came up to me. She was smaller than me, and painfully shy. She just walked in through the gate and came over and sat down on the swing furthest from me. She didn't say anything to me, I didn't say anything to her. I caught her looking at me occasionally, wary of me as a big kid, obviously worried that I might give chase her off just for the sin of being smaller and more vulnerable. For having the temerity of daring to use one of my swings !

The truth of the matter was, I was just as intimidated of her as she was of me…

She was an instant mystery to me. Other nipper in universal confused me, but girls in exceptional really confused the diddlysquat of me. They were so soft. So fragile. So broad of this weird energy that I never could define…

So, I kept my distance.

Each day, we would meet there after school and we would give each former space and we would both playact quietly.

I shot, after about a workweek Casey decided that I was trustable, that I was no longer a danger.

I guess that was a safe thing, because I would stimulate never worked up the courage to ever take the air up to her, would have never introduced myself to her, would hold never found the best Friend I had ever found in my total life…

She walked up to me, smiling at me shyly,"Hello. I'm Casey."She said, holding her hired man out to me.

I can still remember staring at her picket, lentiginose hand, looking at it like it was a snake, out to bite me…

I took her hand,"Jake."

She smiled again, this time happier, prouder that she had made the first movement."Do you want to be protagonist ? There aren't a lot of other tiddler around here… and the ones that are around are mean."

I felt myself get down to light up… I needed a admirer, young lady or not, weird or not…

"Sure."I had told her.

"I like you. You're nice to me."She told me, a tranquillity trust in her voice.

I wasn't sure as shooting how dainty to her I had been. Really, all I had ever done was simply not try to bully her… I guess sometimes the only thing you need to do to be overnice, was to not be an asshole.

From that day on we were inseparable. I picked her up from her menage every morning and we walked to school together. We met up and walked base together. We hung out after school at her place, and at my place on the weekends. It was a little Weird to possess a protagonist that was a girl, and even weirder to have one that was a yr younger than me, but we made it work.

We both loved telecasting plot, and we'd spend hours sitting in front of the idiot box, or at least every min we could until one of our parents chased us outside to play…

We grew up together. We both made early friends as we got Old, but we never lost pile of the fact that there was a prison term in our life when all we had was each other. We never walked away and we always found a way to take a crap our friendly relationship work, no thing how awkward it got for either of us…

I graduated a yr ahead of her. I went off to college, and she stayed behind. There was a parting of me that knew separating from her was inevitable. Knowing that didn't make it any less hard…

There was a part of me that missed her so much those first few month of school, I considered quitting and going home. Giving up the pipe dream of becoming a attorney and heading back to our small-town college, just so I could be close to her. So, I could see her smiling face when we talked…

Then she got pregnant, and thing changed…

It happened the summer between her Junior and senior years of senior high school, not too long after I had left. She kept it from me for the number one four months she was significant. I could distinguish, talking to her she was ashamed of herself…

That class was hell for her. There was a miss my Senior year of senior high schooltime that got pregnant. She had a unfaltering boyfriend and he was in school with her and still it was a bestial experience for her. I could only imagine what it had been like for Casey. She got significant from some random guy at some random political party, which surprised the ass out of me, as it was completely out of her character to just cause a random one night stand…

It was something she didn't like to peach about and the more I pressed her for the details the more evasive she got.

I left it be, and just tried to patronize her the Best I knew how. She pulled away from me. We talked less and less. I watched as she isolated herself. I felt so incapacitated then. I blamed myself for not being around. I knew that had I been there, that random draw up would give birth never happened.

Had I been a good friend and watched out for her she would let never gotten significant in the first lieu, and now, I couldn't even be there to suffer her while she went through the Hell of having everyone look down on her because she got pregnant at seventeen…

For a while, I gave her blank. A part of me hoped she'd find a way to make things work with whoever got her significant. I had hoped she was lying to me about it being a random hook up and that she was really involved with person and just hiding the fact from me. I figured it was mortal she was ashamed about. I figured me being around constantly would be a distraction. Maybe the guy felt threatened. Maybe she was too focused on our friendship to stool her kinship work…

She said little, and I gave her place to try to put her lifespan straight.

That ended with a phone call from my mom…

Deb called me up one day and asked how recollective it had been since I had talked with Casey.

I told her it had been a few week, and desperately hoped that Deb had intelligence about her. Casey, even pregnant, supposedly irresponsible Casey, watched my sis Adrianna, and I knew that Deb got to talk to her even when I didn't…

I dared to ask how she was doing…

I still think back that conversation….

"Not good…"Deb told me, her vocalism filled with anguish.

I sat, the blood filled with silence between us."Mom, I don't know what to do…"I finally confessed.

"What do you signify ?"

I took a deep breath."I just feel so lost. I see her spiraling down and feel like I'm losing my booster. I want to be there for her, I want her to know I'm there for her, but every clock time I reach out to her, she pulls away… I try to talk to her about what she's doing, what she's experiencing, how she's dealing with the dad, how she's managing school, and every prison term I do… she pulls a fiddling further away…"

Deb sighed…"Jakey. Is Casey your friend ?"

With conviction,"She's the best booster I have ever had."

I felt rip in my eyes… I missed her so much… so I confessed,"I just don't know what to do. I want to assist her fix this… but she won't let me."

My mom was still for a really long time… to this day, I still don't know why…

Finally, she started talking,"Jakey, she's embarrassed. Everyone in her life is looking down on her. She's having a really tough metre with her mom right now. She's having trouble at school. Her whole life is coming apart at the crease. Every plan she has ever made in her entire life just got flushed and went swirling, and she's completely alone…"

I took a cryptic breath…"I know mom, but she won't let me in… she won't let me help oneself her fix this."

"Jakey… she doesn't need to fix this. She doesn't need you to help oneself her fix this. She needs to know you are there for her. She needs to have sex that you are only a phone call away. You need to stop trying to put things back together for her and you need to go letting her know that you're not judging her. That you're going to cheer her on as she figures out how to put things back together for herself. Right now, everyone in her liveliness is looking down on her and you're her best friend. She can fill it from everyone else, but from you… from you that is mettle breaking… when you start trying to jump in and tender her answer it feels like you're not only telling her she's not ache enough to fix it on her own, but that you're also telling her she's dolt for being there in the low place ..."

I sat and thought about that for a hanker time. That was the last night I let her isolate herself from me.

I called her every Night. I stopped trying to solve her problem. I stopped judging her. I just sat there with her. It was one of the uncanny and most awkward time in my entire life. Some nights we talked for hours. Some nights we just sat there on the headphone. Some dark she begged me to stop, to just give her alone…

I always refused her.

I never left her alone.

I never missed a call.

After a few months, she started calling me with her problems. I spent a lot of metre listening. It took me a long time, but finally I realized how ripe Deb was. I learned the note value of just showing up, just one of the many invaluable lesson my friend Casey had taught me ...

Our calls kept up even after she had her little girl. Casey named her Aubrey, a fact that Adrianna, my slight sister, was immensely lofty of. Casey and Deb grew closer, became friends. After a while, Casey became like a appendage of my little family…

My musing came to an end as I pulled up in nominal head of Casey's little trailer. I thought of how alone she must take in felt there… to end up just a few 100 K from where she had grown up…

Her mom was a juicer and she passed away about a year after Aubrey was born, leaving Casey really and truly alone…

I felt a thrust of guilty conscience as I remembered yet another challenge my friend had needed to face without me…

I sat in my hand truck for a minute, staring at her home… look like a really bad friend…



Chapter 4
Casey opened the door and I was struck with the recondite signified of wonder I had felt in a very long time… the highest signified of happiness that I had managed to regain in such a long time…

It had been almost a year since I had been home… so long since I had seen her smiling face.

My face, bad day or no, split open on seeing her. I couldn't help but smile in her presence.

She wrapped her arms tightly about her body and leaned against the room access human body, her brownish eyes reaching into my mortal, the same way they always did. I stepped forward as she stepped back, letting me into her base, no invitation extended and none needed…

My left hand reached out and took the dorsum of her neck as I pulled her head to mine.

I almost kissed her…

The desire to do it was stronger than I had ever felt, and considering that I had undergone the entirety of my teenage year with her as the penny-pinching champion I had ever known… I had thought about kissing her pretty fucking often.

I would never do that though… I had no right field. I had to accommodate to myself… I really wanted to. I had wanted to since as long as I could remember.

I contented myself with laying my forehead to hers, my nose against hers, little Spark of pain shooting through it as our nose brushed. I didn't care about the pain. Just her presence against me was enough to ram all of my concerns away.

Her bridge player came up into the crook of my human elbow and pulled me airless to her. We both closed our eyes and savored the moment.

Kiss her you fool ! My brainiac screamed at me.

I shook my head and sighed, feeling the associate rush of emotions she always brought out in me. trueness, friendly relationship, a sense of family line and protectiveness I felt with no other man on earth… and yes, to a greater extent than a little love.

I was not however, going to mess up that friendship.

"I missed you Case."I whispered.

She finally wrapped her limb around me and pulled me into a big hug. I hugged her back just as knockout.

She whispered in my ear,"I missed you Jakey."She added as she pulled back from me, taking my face in her hands,"Your poor little nose…"

I smiled at her,"It was never very little…"

She smiled back at me, and I added,"Don't sweat it, it just has a little more character now."

"You two need to get a room ?"

I laughed at Adrianna, interrupting our moment.

turn to her, I was struck by how much she had grown up in the year since I had seen her. She was taller, and at fourteen, she was starting to transition from kid to woman. She was fuller, stronger. She had mid length blonde hair's-breadth, and her don's features. That same blonde pilus and striking, otherworldly, Nordic blue eyes. She had her female parent's gymnastic trunk, which was way better for her than if she ended up with her dad's, who tended more towards the plump size.

"How ‘ bout a hug over here, big bro ?"She smiled, holding her subdivision wide.

She was still tiny compared to my six-foot skeletal frame, gymnastic or not. I wrapped my subdivision around her cervix as she wrapped hers around my body. I was gentler with her than I had been with Casey, but I still hugged her tight.

We broke, and she punched me in the costa. It was a light puncher, a hell of a lot calorie-free than Alyssa's had been.

It made me question a piffling bit at what about me made women feel the penury to plug me…

"Fucking took you long enough to get here !"She yelled.

"Ow…"I muttered rubbing my side.

I smiled at her,"Sorry, kiddo. I came as fast as I could."

Casey laughed at me…

"mamma ?"A lilliputian phonation echoed into the room.

I looked across the room towards the hall. Aubrey, Casey's niggling miss was hiding over by the quoin, coming out of the hall, peeking around the corner.

"Roo !"Casey admonished."You're supposed to be in bed !"

I laughed."Hey, Roo !"I called.

She held her little script up and waved at me. It was technically a good day wave, but it was still cute as hell.

Casey stopped and looked at me, a unknown smell on her nerve, something like a mix of anger and fear on her face.

I gave her one of my stupefy smile and pushed past her, walking over to where Roo was hiding. I sat cross-legged in forepart of her, giving her my biggest, affectionate smiling. She looked at the floor shyly…

She looked a lot like her mother. short circuit, bright red whisker, cut short. Delicate features.

She held her hands together and shrugged, looking at me through her eyelashes.

I held my hand out to her,"Hello, Roo. How are you ?"

She stepped away from me a little.

"Roo !"Casey's spokesperson was like a whip.

I turned back to her, holding my helping hand out,"It's O.K.. She doesn't remember me…"

Smiling at Roo again,"Hey Roo, do you recall me ?"

She smiled at me,"You're big guy. You talk to my mom on the phone. That always makes Mommy happy."

I laughed."Well, I'm big, and I do talk to your mommy on the headphone, but I'm not sure how felicitous I make her."

She moved closer to me, sidling up to me, showing me her side of meat. Finally, she tentatively wrapped her blazonry around me, giving me the tiny hug. I wrapped my arms around her lightly, pulling her close but almost name sure I was being exceedingly gentle.

"Thank you Roo."I whispered into the English of her head.

She stepped back from me and shrugged shyly. She whispered,"I'm supposed to be in bed… but I heard voices."

I smiled at her, waggling my eyebrows,"It's okay, she won't be too mad at you."

Casey's spokesperson went up in mock ira."Oh, you bet I will be !"

Roo screamed playfully, as she ran back for, what I assumed, was her bedroom. Casey chased after her, playfully. Stopping at a elbow room down the hallway, she looked back at me, giving me a shy smiling,"Give me a sec to put her rear to bed ? Before you go ?"

I nodded at her, standing up.

Finally, she disappeared into the room.

Turning back to Adrianna, I assessed how worried she was. She looked like she was okay, but she seemed pretty nervous.

I was a little embarrassed, and a niggling guilty to be holding her up…

I tried to hedge,"Just give us a bit. We'll go to the hospital here in a minute ?"

She shook her head at me, a flavor of disappointment on her face,"I talked to dad on the telephone set. He said we should let mom perch. That when you got here, we should just go home. That we could occur in the morning."

My eye narrowed and I ground my teeth as I felt my foiling grow.

"Well, he can go bonk himself. You have to do what he tells you, I don't. So…"my middle pierced into her. rightfield was right,"you coming ?"

She went over to the couch,"Definitely."Smiling at me,"You taking the blame on this one ?"she asked as she picked up her backback.

I smiled back to her,"Well…"I gave her a one-half smile,"I'm supposed to be in thrill, right ?"

Casey came up behind me, laying her hired hand on my shoulder."You guys going to the hospital ?"

I turned and looked at her. The desire to kiss her welled up inside me again, this time I had to force my eyes away from her…

By looking away, I managed to ascertain some posture. I managed to shove it down, it was hard, but somehow, I managed to do it.

I gulped,"Yeah, you coming ?"I asked, looking back at her.

She shook her heading,"I can't."

Motioning back down the hallway, she continued,"I mean, I'd love to… I really want to, but I just got Roo to bed, and I have the former transmutation at the tiptop market in the morning…"

I pulled her close and hugged her one More prison term."It's okay. We'll air your love…"



Chapter 5

Re, my pet epithet for Adrianna, and I rode in my truck on the way to the hospital. It was all the way on the other side of meat of town, so it was a bit of a drive to get there. We lived in one of those township that was just modest enough to only have one hospital, and just big enough for it to adopt forever to get there when you needed it.

I looked over at Re while she chewed on her thumb nail, her own, private, nervous tick…

She needed to get her thinker off of her trouble, or at least that was the impression that I got just looking at her. That, in turn, meant I needed to talk to her, get her mind away from her worry…

"Re, why does everyone telephone call Aubrey, Roo ?"

She raised an brow at me, her face a masquerade of shock,"You really don't have sex ?"

I chuckled,"If I knew, I wouldn't ask."

She shook her drumhead at me."You remember when Roo was born don't you ?"

Guilt pounded through me…

Re continued,"Casey was so pit. Mom kept trying to get her to calm down, kept telling her that everything was going to be okeh, but she kept freaking out. All she wanted was for you to be there when she had Roo. She just kept on about it and on about it…"

I shook my head sadly."And I kept telling her I had finals. And promising her that as soon as she went into labor to prognosticate me and I would dismiss everything, finals or no, and I'd come running."

Re smiled at me."And Casey went into parturiency, and she called you, and you came running."

I sighed,"And I was too late… A four-hour private road, but still Roo had come before I got there…"Shaking my read/write head I continued,"I thought, stupidly, a four-hour drive is no big wad, who has a baby in four hours ?"

Re giggled,"Apparently, Casey managed to pull it off."She shrugged,"And you showed up, her a tired mess, and just beaming that you had finally gotten there. Roo, pillowed on her chest, and in you walk with this giant basket of material you had put together for her. nappy, and baby apparel and englut animals for her and the baby. You looked so pathetic. Just running in like you had just ended the Earth, and gear up to contrive yourself onto the pyre to placate the gods."

I shook my promontory, disgusted at how selfish I had been. My friend had just wanted me to be there for her while she went through the scariest import of her animation, and I had come up short… again. I had let her down, again.

"There was one stuffed animal in there, a kangaroo. Casey loved that kangaroo, and she immediately made it Roo's. She used to make trusted it was in Roo's cot every night. She used to oblige it out to her and parrot, over and over, ‘ kangaroo ! ’, ‘ kangaroo ! ’, like she wanted that to be Roo's first word."Re shook her straits,"And it was. Freaking disturbed Casey, every other mom out there trying to get her kid's first word to be ‘ mommy ’, and she's trying to get her kid to say kangaroo…"

I laughed just thinking about it. That just about summed up Casey.

"Turned out it was a giant star mistake. Roo carried that goddamn kangaroo everywhere. Only, she couldn't say kangaroo. All she could say was Roo ! She would run around and hold that poor fish stuffed animal out to everyone and yell, Roo !"She shrugged,"So people started calling her Roo."

I shook my head at her, giving her a promptly glance."How was school this class ?"

She shrugged,"Okay, I guess."

I raised my eyebrow at her."You excited about finally heading to heights school ?"

She shook her fountainhead,"Not really. I mean, I know it will be just school again, but it still feels weird."

"You going out for cheerleading or something ?"

She scoffed."With those bimbos ? No way. I'm going out for volleyball, be an good athlete !"She tried on a grinning, beaming proudly,"How about you ? How's schoolhouse going ?"

I sighed and rolled my optic. I held my pinky out to her. It was our small thing, our deal that we would tell the truth, and what we said was between only us. There were a lot of class between us, but we were still close up, and neither of us would dare let on the confidence of a pinky promise.

She gave me an, ‘ are you kidding me ?'look and took my pinky in hers.

"Not good."I finally admitted.

She pulled her helping hand from mine,"Why not ?"

I shook my head."I mean, it's O.K.. My grades are slipping a bit but not by a good deal, at least probably not enough to concern about. I'm working too many minute, freaked out about money, but most of it is I just feel like I'm wasting my time. Like I'm doing something I'm going to end up hating. I clerk in a law office and more often than not I deal with other attorney and every prison term I do they disgust me. I really don't want to end up like that. I don't want to suit that kind of person…"

She tilted her head at me,"Stop worrying about that. You'll never be that person. Lawyers get a bad rap a lot of the time. You see the tatty ones, the ones that are out there all the metre. The big Department of Defense attorneys or the ambulance chasers. It seems to me like a lot of lawyers must just be trade good, tranquility masses and because they're quiesce, their impingement never really gets seen…"

I made a look."Also, I'm struggling with getting into a law school that I like. Like I said, my tier are slipping a bit, but mostly I'm struggling with the cost."

She nodded,"That sucks."

I shrugged."It is what it is…"

I held my little finger back out to her, closing our hope and letting her know that we were done with our secret. She took my digit with her own… giggling gently at my stupidity.

We passed the rest of the trip in small lecture, catching up. She babbled on about her young man, which I already knew about from Deb. Dad didn't like him. Not one, teeny, bantam bit.

Not surprising, but I wanted to give her a slight bit of credit rating. The guy, from what I had been told, didn't seem like an absolute bozo, and knowing Adrianna, he was probably a pretty good guy. Now granted, I wanted to cave in her the welfare of the doubtfulness, but it was still something that now that I was back in Ithiel Town, I was going to take a lilliputian time to look into. I was still her big crony, and a right big brother has sure responsibility.

When we got to the hospital we went straight to the gift shop.

"What are we doing ?"Re asked me.

"I'm not showing up empty handed, and neither are you. beak out some peak for mom."I told her.

She held up her handbag and started to count inside. She grimaced a bit."I only have like, about 12 dollars…"

I wrapped my arm around her and smiled,"I got it, I'll covert you."

"You sure ? I can pay you back…"

I smiled at her,"Yeah, I'm sure. And no, you don't need to pay me back."

We both picked out flowers, and as I was heading to the register I found something that caught my eye…

They had a set of kangaroos. There was a mum kangaroo, and a baby kangaroo. The ma was big, about as big as Casey's torso. The baby was much humble, and nested into the momma's pouch. They were a set, a bloody expensive set, but a set nonetheless. I looked at Re and raised my brow, holding the kangaroos up,"What do you think ?"

She pushed down a smirk, tilting her head,"pillowcase and Roo will love them."

I nodded,"A dependable thank you gift ?"

She chuffed at me, rolling her eyes,"Yeah, sure. You tell yourself whatever you have to…"

I gave her a feel that told her to stow it…

We paid and went upstairs. Stopping in at the suckle's station we found which room Deb was in. The nurse also informed us that visiting 60 minutes ended in XV minutes…

I nodded at Re,"Looks like it will be a short visit."

She shrugged, and I could see that particular sword of worry and excitement that marked how worry she was start to phlebotomize into her trunk linguistic process,"At least we can see her. At least I can see she's alright."

I wrapped my arm around her as I smiled at her,"She's going to be alright. She's a hooligan old bird."

We walked to the room together, bursting in, flush and smiles a plenty.

My dad's typeface darkened the instant we walked into the room,"Adrianna. I told you your mom needed rest."

My face darkened in comeback."It wasn't her telephone call, dad. I decided to come and unless you want her sitting at home alone, she was forced to occur along for the drive. If you want to get pissed off at mortal, get pissed off at me."

He ground his dentition as Adrianna squealed and ran to her mom.

I chose to brush off him and focus instead on Deb, who was sitting up in the bed. She was a tall cleaning lady. Thin, with dark haircloth and twinkling oculus. She looked pall, but was still beautiful. Well, maybe not beautiful, she wasn't manakin stuff, but she was definitely pretty, several family above my dad's league, for sure. She was the type of womanhood that went without makeup most meter, favoring instead a natural look. Normally that lent a intelligent freshness to her cutis, but tonight it just made her look tired. She was wearing a hospital nightie and had one of those picayune oxygen subway thingies in her nose.

She broke out of Adrianna's hug and held her arm out to me, offering to let me in on it. I held up my flush,"For you."

She smiled,"They're beautiful Jakey."

I set them down on the stand next to her and let myself be pulled in for a weak hug.

When she pulled away from me she looked at my boldness with disapproval…"Oh, infant boy, what happened to your olfactory organ ?"

I smiled, a jolt of pain snapping through my facial expression,"Well, I guess my girlfriend broke up with me…"

Deb laughed,"With a right hook ?"

I shook my nous,"No, it was a left."

She covered her mouth as she laughed at me…

I sat on the boundary of her bed and let her bask the moment, figuring it was worth the hit to my pride to grant her a moments enjoyment at a time when she could probably really use a pick me up.

She finally broke the secrecy by saying,"I'm surprised you came, honey."

I pulled away from her and looked at her,"My mom ends up in the hospital, and I come straight habitation. Them's the rules."

She raised her eyebrows at me,"I thought this was finals week ?"

I shook my caput at her,"I'm mostly done. I just have to…"my head dropped."Shit."

Her aspect wrinkled up,"What ?"

I shook my principal, looking at the floor,"I was going to say… I just need to reverse in a paper on business law… but it's on my laptop, and I just realized that I left my freaking laptop at home…"

My dad snorted.

Thanks for the support, dad… I thought.

She sighed at me."So, you need to go home."

A thought occurred to me then,"Nope. I saved it on my Dropbox. I'll borrow Casey's electronic computer and I can draw in it down and send it to my professor. Crisis averted."

She smiled at me."What about oeuvre ? Don't you have to function ?"

I shrugged."Turns out I don't have a job anymore."

"Big surprisal ..."dad muttered.

Mom gave him a flavor that clearly told him to shut the fuck up."What do you mean honey, what happened ?"

I smiled at her,"I called my boss and told him you were in the hospital and that I needed a dyad days off. He told me if I didn't come in tomorrow I was fired. So, I guess I'm fired."

Deb gave my dad a unvoiced look. I could severalize it was one of those preemptive coup d'oeil that promised him an ass chewing if he opened his mouth and said one more word,"love, you shouldn't have done that…"

I kissed my mom on the frontal bone,"Worth it,"I told her, nodding,"for you. I'll find something else. No big deal."

She took a oceanic abyss breather, steadying herself."Maybe you should go household. Between schooltime and your job, if you leave now, you can be back in the morning."

"Nope. You're sick. I'm staying until we get this sorted out. It'll be okay."I tried to will conviction and a sense that the topic was not subject for public debate into my stare.

She put her hand on my side."I'm going to be approve. quit worrying about me. You have a life to survive, and that needs to be your precedence sometimes…"

I gave her an ‘ are you kidding me ?'feel."You passed out mom. You have some sort of lump in your throat. It made you stop breathing. I'm staying until we get this visualise out."

She held her neck opening up,"It's just a belittled lump. See ? And I didn't hitch breathing. It just made it hard to breathe and the air getting cut off caused me to travel by out."

I raised my eyebrows. I could see the clump, just to the right of her esophagus.

I gave my dad a dark look."How could you have not noticed this ?"

He gritted his dentition at me, narrowing his eyes.

Deb cut me off,"I hid it from him. I had a doctor's appointment later in the hebdomad. I didn't want to occupy anyone."

My eyes snapped back to her."How'd that study out ?"

My dad growled at me,"lookout your step with her boy."

I started to snap back to him, a crisp Bible on my tongue, he had pushed my clit just about as longsighted as I was going to let him. Deb shut me down,"It was dolt. I shouldn't have hidden it from everyone. Don't kickoff blaming each other. I made a choice and it turned out to be a bad one that's now worrying everyone… and I'm sorry."

She looked at each of us in turn, sighing,"I'm sorry. To all of you, but please, stop passing blame around. I need you all to get along. Please ?"

I nodded,"I'm sorry."

Dad stood up, looking at me and Adrianna,"Guys, it was nice of you to come up,"he started.

I cut him off,"Can I babble out to you in the foyer for a second ?"

His eyes narrowed."If you want."

"Please don't fight you two…"Deb said. I could hear a touch of sadness in her vocalism and I knew dad and I must be exhausting. We never had the practiced of human relationship, but since I had been a teenager we had been going at it, bumping principal, pretty often full time. It was worse now, but it had never been very good to begin with. A part of me wanted to say that was because we were so unlike, that we just saw the man so very much differently, but as I got older I realized it was because we were just too lots alike. We had our own slipway of looking at things, and both of us were too stupid and stubborn to back up down. The more one of us pushed, the harder the former pushed back, and it just seemed to create a savage cycle of one of us constantly escalating our conflict.

For the first time in my life, I started to palpate bad about that. I thought back to all of the metre Deb had needed to step between us and form ataraxis. I realized how annoy that must be constantly. Feeling ashamed of myself, I shook my head at her, trying to gain her full stop worrying."We won't."

Deb looked at dad,"Bruno Walter ?"Her feeling brooked none of his crap.

His center snapped from me, to her, back to me."I'll be good."

Dad and I stepped out into the hall together. He crossed his arms over his chest."Say your peace."

I took a deep breathing place, forcing my ire down. I refreshed my promise to myself to not fight with him, for Deb's sake. She had enough on her plate, she didn't need to be wasting energy worrying about dad and I, just because we couldn't be mature for long enough to get along… I had no control over how he reacted or the choices he made, but I could control my own action at law and right now, I promised myself that I would say what needed to be said, right up until it started to turn into an argument, and then I would indorse off…

I made myself seem at the level, trying to defer off some sense of aggression. Taking a deep breath, I dove into the conversation. It was kind of like steeling myself to plunge into icy water,"face. I know you're pissed at me for whatever understanding. I get that. We need to push yesteryear that shit right hand now."

His jaw clenched.

I started to unload on him, to incriminate him, to blame. At the end second, I decided that the in effect thing I could do was careen gears…

"Why didn't you bring Adrianna with you to the hospital ?"I wanted to scream at him, but a realized that asking a doubt conferred to him I wasn't trying to place inculpation, I was seeking understanding… that I wanted to realise his selection and motivation. By seeking sympathy, one wasn't placing blame, they were communicating that they may not accord with a decision, but they also were not seeking to pluck someone else down.

His answer was curt,"I don't answer to you when it comes to Adrianna, or Deb."

I held my hands up, trying to hedge off his anger,"I get that. I'm not accusing. I'll admit, I jumped to a termination on it, and that's not fair to you. I'm genuinely asking, giving you the benefit of the doubt. You must have seen something about the situation I don't understand. I want to understand, so I'm asking."

He was taken off sentry duty, I could tell. Normally, I would experience laid into him, I would have yelled at him for leaving Adrianna behind. I would have called him stupid, and selfish. This time, I was seeking understanding.

He turned away from me, and I could tell, he hadn't really thought about it himself. He finally put his paw on his rosehip, and when he turned back there were the commencement of crying in his eyes.

He shook his head, and I could tell it killed him to include it,"I kind of panicked."He stopped and took a deep intimation,"All I could believe of was helping your mom. I just remember thinking I didn't want to be tripping over Adrianna too, or dealing with her panicking while I was trying to help your mom."

I looked at him, trying to will myself to be sympathize. I knew he loved Deb, that she was his whole world. She was the rock he had built the foundation of his lifetime on. He loved Adrianna and I, even if he had a strong-armer sentence showing it, but Deb gave him the stability he needed to interact with the existence, hell, to even interact with his own kids.

The truth was, the berth seemed terribly selfish of him to ingest done, but the verity of the matter was, dad was human being and he had just panicked.

"Do you interpret how calamitous that could have been ?"I asked.

He looked at the floor. I could tell he was having a hard time wrapping his brainiac around it. He was never the most empathic man. He was a commodity man, a man that genuinely tried to do the right thing in everything he did, yes, but an empathetic man ? No.

He shook his drumhead,"Maybe."

I shook my caput at him,"Don't you get it ? I know you love Deb. I know she's your unscathed mankind, but she's Adrianna's mom. You shouldn't have sent Re away. If something had happened,"I held my workforce out,"screw god forbid she had died, Re would have never forgiven you."I searched his facial expression, hoping against hope that I was getting through to him."Right now, we need to pluck together and be a family. We have to learn fear of each former, and driving wedges between each early is the endure thing we need."

He closed his oculus and took a breath, shaking his head,"You're right."

I was floored.

He continued."I panicked. All I could think about was that I didn't want Adrianna to give birth to watch her mom die. How I didn't want to have to look out her mom die…"

I put my hand on his articulatio humeri, giving it a reassuring squeeze,"Look, don't be so hard on yourself. I just want you to think about what you're doing. That is going to be super significant in the coming solar day and week. We all need to be on the Sami Sir Frederick Handley Page, okay ?"

He looked at me, nodding.

"One other thing."I added, hoping I was still building on a skillful foundation.

He looked at me, his fount seemed open.

I shook my straits and spread my deal,"I know you're pissed at me. I'm not asking you to block being mad at me, but for right now, we've got to put a pin in that. Deb needs to centre on resting, and getting sound, and if she's constantly on guard that you and I are going to go for each other's throats she can't do that."I held my hand out to him,"Truce ? For now ? Until Deb can get better, then you can go back to hating me."

I could tell, being so numb with him about our relationship, about how far out of dominance it had gotten, was like a punch to the gut. He nodded, and took my mitt, shaking it firmly."Truce."

I started to deform back to the room, and he reached out and snap up my arm, pulling me up short."You did good getting here…"

I turned back to him. It was the first variety thing he had said to me in years… pretty much since I had left for college.

Sighing,"Thanks."

He looked at the floor, breaking my gaze,"How bad is taking off really going to screw you up ?"His center snapped up to me,"Be fair. Deb would never forgive herself if you messed up your future tense to be here."

I started to contend and he cut me off,"Don't down sell it. Be honest."

I shrugged, putting my hands in my pocket,"I'll find a way to make it put to work. I need to get that newspaper publisher figured out. The job is probably gone,"I shrugged,"but to be honest, the job is a squat job, and I'm starting to realize that all I was really doing there was making someone else plenteous. Besides,"I added,"done is done. I think I made the aright choice."

He put his paw on my articulatio humeri,"I'm proud of you."

Wow… he was really going for broke tonight.

"Thanks."

We were interrupted by the nurse."Guys, visiting hours are over. involve you to go home, let her get some rest."

My dad folded his implements of war across his chest and gave her a firm look.

I stepped in,"Ma'am. I appreciate what you're saying. My sister and I will go home, but I don't think you're going to be able to pry my dad out of here tonight… at least not without causing a Brobdingnagian scene…"

She looked from dad, to me, then back to dad. Finally, she nodded,"okay. But she needs rest."Her aspect got strong,"One problem, and you're out of here, got it ?"

I held my hands up,"We're gone."I looked at dad,"Cool if I stay at the house tonight ?"

He nodded,"Can you keep an eye on Re ?"

"No problem."

I collected my Sister and we headed back to my truck.

getting in, I looked at her. She looked so small and fragile, but I could tell seeing her mom had helped her, like it had put a picayune air back into her sheet.

She was starting to get her arms wrapped around this matter. Stuck at the theatre with Casey, all she could do was sit and fret, vexation and make up problems. Now that she had seen her mom, upchuck, but okay, the situation must have felt so much more manageable.

"Feeling better now ?"I asked her.

She gave me a shy smiling and nodded."Yeah. Thanks, Jakey."

I grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug.

We rode in silence for a while, the only phone the gang fight of the engine. Finally, Re broke the silence.

"Jakey, can I ask you something ?"her representative was hushed, almost shy.

I gave her a agile glimpse and a smiling,"Of course kiddo."

She bit her lip and I could recount she was trying to see out how to put whatever it was she had on her mind."Were you and Casey ever a affair ? Like… like a duet ?"

I looked at her, surprised by what she had asked. I had expected her to ask about her mom, worry about what was going to go on, pretty a great deal anything but that.

I shook my psyche,"No. We've always been good acquaintance, but never anything more than that."

I felt a wave of sadness settle over me at having admitted it…

She nodded,"Why not ?"

I took a oceanic abyss breathing spell and finally allowed a shrug,"Just never happened. Why do you ask ?"

She nibbled on her nail again."I just always got the impression the two of you were in love."

I snuck a quick glance at her,"What gave you that impression ?"

She looked at me,"Just a feeling."

Her eyes found the road ahead of us, and she paused for a few seconds before continuing,"I mean, when I was young, before I really understood male child and lady friend, it made sense that you just were Friend. It made sense that you hung out and that was that. As I got older I started to realize how weird you guys'family relationship was. male child and girls just aren't Friend like that. When I was a picayune younger I just kind of assumed that the two of you had just figured out the surreptitious, like you had found the slicker codification that let two teenage kids be admirer without it having to be a sex matter. Now though, I watch the two of you and you're just drawn together. Like gravity."

She sat quietly for a few seconds, trying to take in her thoughts together so that it made sensation. I sat patiently, letting her figure out what she wanted to say, and how she wanted to say it.

Finally, she broke the muteness,"In science division, we watched this movie on how solar arrangement are formed. It had a crew of computer animation that showed how everything comes together. One of them was on binary solar scheme. How two sunlight would form, or how two solar systems would merge. Each sun would just kind of plosive, and they would both trip the light fantastic toe around each other. Everything else in the solar system would orbit around the two Lord's Day, but those two, they would just sort of dance around each other, each pulled by the others'gravity. They didn't scope one another, but they kind of danced around a central point."

She looked back to me, a womanishness coming over her face, her voice dropping to almost a reverent tone,"That's what I think of when I see the two of you together. Like tonight, when you pulled her in. Both of you just sort of gave in to the gravity. I thought you were going to kiss her…"

My left eye started itching and I stopped to scratch it."It's not be intimate kiddo. We're just really good booster. We've been really near Friend for a really long fourth dimension, and yeah, it's a little weird because of the boy/girl thing, but we make it work."

"So, you guys never tried to earn it into something else ? Something Thomas More ? Something… better ?"she asked.

I laughed, a suddenly, dismissive bark,"Define better."

She looked me up and down and I could see a sadness there that mirrored some of my own."I think what you have with Casey is rare. The friendly relationship is prissy, but I think you two could be so much Thomas More if you just worked at it."

I shook my head, sighing,"Kiddo. I know it's firmly to wrap your head around. Hell, it's hard for me to enwrap my head around, but sometimes it's best to settle for something that makes you happy and not risk everything betting on something that might make you happy. Casey and I have each other. If we pushed it beyond that, yeah, maybe we end up as a couple, but… maybe we stop being friends. Maybe we end up hurting each former in a way that can never cure. I think both of us just realized that if one of us, or the former started pushing it, we could unravel the whole thing."

She looked back out at the route, biting her nail again. She was obviously hesitating to ask me something…

After what seemed alike forever, she finally found the courageousness,"Do you love her ?"

I felt a spate of emotion in my breast, like a tidal wave hitting some hidden wall I had set up.

The answer to that motion was a trueness I didn't want to admit to. Not to her, hell, maybe not even to myself…

It was my crook to be hushed for a good long time. She waited for me, patiently…

"Yeah, as a supporter I do. I mean it's tougher to steady down out. My friendship is unlike with Casey than it is with my guy protagonist. The love I have is unlike for each of them."

She turned back to me and narrowed her eyes. I could instantly tell my answer was not satisfactory for her."Do you think she's hot ?"

I smiled, well, more of a smirk, and told her,"I try not to think about that. She's my friend, and that's not something I want to put on her."

A big shit eating smile spread over her font."What a shitty solvent ! OK, so, if she wasn't your friend, and you were just hanging out in a bar and she walked over to you and started flirting with you, would you think she's hot then ?"

I smiled at her, knowing she had me,"Yes."My brain went to a very adult oriented turning point as I pictured her, thought of her soft curved shape and angles, her hair, her face, her beautiful grinning. Her full body…

I forced my mind away from such thoughts…

She nodded, knowing she was backing me into a niche.

"And would you flirt back with her ?"

I rolled my eyes,"Yes."

She spread her deal,"So, you have a miss you think is beautiful, and who you are amazing friends with, and you don't think that maybe it might be deserving it to take a shot ? To at least lecture to her about it ?"She sat for a back, gathering wool, like a cerebration had just occurred to her for the first base time and even she was surprised by it,"Wait, have you two ever even talked about it ?"

I looked at her quickly, my middle darting between her and the road,"No."

She sighed at me, shaking her capitulum,"You are so stupid."

I laughed,"aspect, you're too young to get it. Sometimes having a good friendly relationship is skilful than all the other relationship stuff and nonsense. I don't need all that former poppycock, and neither does Casey."

Something about what I said riled her the Scheol up. I could see her face drop a lot of the playful banter and something like wrath hardened her features.

She dropped all her playfulness and her eyes bored into me."You've been gone too long. You need to remember, you only see your face of things now."She shook her oral sex at me,"Don't speak for Casey, and don't think you know everything she's mentation. You should probably at least deliberate that she sees you differently now…"

I shook my straits, gaining some discernment. Re just didn't understand Casey and I well enough. She was after all, just a kid.

She pressed her advantage though,"Let me hurl you a hypothetical. Tonight, we get home, and as soon as we do Casey comes running over. She pulls you aside and she tells you that she's been stupefied for years. That she loves you, and not as a friend. She tells you that she wants to be in a relationship with you. She tells you that what she feels for you is so much more than than what she should experience for a friend. What do you say ?"

The floodgates in my mind splashed undetermined and the spirit of what she was saying flowed over me. I could feel myself pulling Casey into my sleeve. I could feel the spunk thrashing in my chest as the deduction of what Re was saying overpower me…

I nibbled at my lip and sighed, really afraid of the implications of what that gearing of thought meant…

Finally, I fessed up to it,"I'd probably say let's generate it a go."

She smiled at me smugly,"So. What you're really saying with all this bullshit about ‘ we're just friends and that makes us both well-chosen !'squat, is that you're too scared to ask for something more than what you have, right ?"

I gave her a dark look."No. Not necessarily."

I felt my idea hit a hurrying bump. I knew what she was saying. Worse still, I knew she was right.

"So, what if she's scared too ? What if, the only affair that is keeping you and her from being together is that both of you are just too chickenshit to hold it to the other ?"

I chewed on that for a second, letting my mind go down all the potential back street and pitfalls what she was suggesting might give. Sad as it was to say, she had a damn good point…

Finally, I nodded my head word, I allowed her the item."Maybe you're ripe about the scared thing."I held a hand up to forestall her pushing her full point even farther,"But you're wrong about one thing. That would not be the only thing keeping us apart."

She looked at me and I could see a dark cloud of ire spreadhead over her face,"What ? Roo ? You're saying you're too safe for her because she has a kid ?"

That hit me totally by surprise…

"What ? No ! I don't tending about Roo. I was talking about the fact that I have schooltime. I mean, right now, I can afford to bail, I'm off for the summer, so I have a few calendar month here that are pretty much complimentary, but come crepuscle prison term, I'm going to hold to go back. Let's say Casey and I fall madly in beloved. We run off and start a glad home together. What happens next September ? We just wave at each other as I go back to school ?"I shook my forefront at her,"Trust me, I've seen plenty of people try to get out off the long-distance thing. well-nigh people can do if for a couple months, but a unit year ? And then, what about law school ? I just go off to that and will her here ? Where does it end ?"

Re looked at me like I was crazy,"What, are you fucking pudding head ? pack her with you when you go back !"

I spread my hands,"Just make her give up her whole spirit here ? Make her walk away from everything she knows ?"

Now she looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language…"Give up what, pudding head ? Her glamorous life as a exclusive female parent ? Her pretty lots non-existent societal lifetime ? The ever so of import job of scanning groceries ? Versus the alternative ? She can go off and live on with someone she loves while they become a fucking lawyer ? Wow, how is she going to get over the heartbreak caused by that ? You know how fucking alone she is, dullard ? Every night."She emphasized each password,"She goes base to a three-year-old. I'm sure that's stimulating conversation. Let's say she goes out on a date. You know how many guy wire are just going to run straight for the hills as soon as she mentions that she has a kid at home ? Not that it fucking matters if they did, because you know how many particular date I've seen her go on since Roo came along ? None !"She shook her head at me disgustedly, and crossed her weaponry,"Get over yourself."

I was surprised at how furious she was. How quickly I had gotten under her skin…

What she was saying made sense… but it was still a lot to take in.

I shook my school principal, suddenly overwhelmed and feeling like I had maybe been too stupid to figure thing out.

My respect for Re grew greatly in that moment. She may only be XIV, but in some ways, she was a snake pit of a lot impertinent than I was. She had a lot More reckon out… or at the least she was a hell of a lot more observant than I had been in the past three years…

She shook her head at me, her anger suddenly gone."I just see the two of you. Both of you seem so sad all of the time."Her center found mine as I glanced at her again,"Unless you're with each former. Then, both of you seem like the creation can't trace you."She looked me up and down."I'm not saying you should take the dip, I'm just saying, think about it. Make a conscious decision about what you're doing. Don't just let inertia piddle the determination for you. Maybe talk with each former and produce sure you're both on the same page with being happy just being friends…"

I shook my brain and sighed, confused beyond opinion."I will. I mean, I'll think about it."

She nodded at me, going silent.

We sat in silence for a minute or so when she looked at me again."So… have the two of you ever…"She made a clenching motion with her hands and moved them back and Forth River,"you know… ?"She made some grunting sounds to accentuate her point.

I sat there in daze silence…

She wasn't asking what I thought she was asking…

She just sat and kind of looked at me.

I couldn't even speak…

Finally, I realized that she wasn't going to actually say anything else. The thought caused me to snap back to life."What ? No way ! Are you fucking kidding me ? Are you asking me what I think you're asking me ?"

She rolled her eye at me,"Come on, we're both adult here…"

I held my finger out to her,"No. No we are not, ‘ both grownup ’, here. I'm an adult. You're a child."

She raised her supercilium,"So you two haven't had sex ?"

My eyes went across-the-board,"That's totally private !"

She smiled,"So that's a yes ?"

I shook my head vehemently."Why would you ask me that ? !"

She looked forward and shrugged, her voice going tranquility,"I just thought, you know, maybe Roo was yours."

I felt like I had been dropped in a mysterious, cold pool…

Roo ? Mine ?

A strange feeling smashed to the forefront of what I was feeling. A tender tactual sensation, like coming home…

Then it withered and died on the vine. Replaced by something cool and reptilian. An unpleasant emptiness as I realized that no matter how practically I wanted something, it wasn't true.

I shook my head word,"Roo's not mine."

She looked me up and down again."You're sure ?"

I sighed deeply. I really didn't want to talk about this with her… it was too private, too… painful.

"I'm sure."

She held her manus out,"You're sure because you used protection ?"

"trade protection ? !"I sputtered. She started to answer and I stopped her,"Stop. No. Stop. I can't call up about that !"

She giggled at me as I tried to collect my thoughts.

Finally, it struck me as funny story. I laughed under my breath as I shook my mind at her."No. Not because I used protection."

Again, that sadness filled me.

She held her hands out,"So you didn't use shelter, so it's possible that Roo might be yours ?"

I held my helping hand out on the wheel, spreading my digit, begging her mentally to just stop…

"No. Because as very much as I'd like Roo to be mine."I stopped, my brainpower starting to wind itself around that stunner of a thought…

I realized suddenly that there was a part of me, Hell, a large part of me, a office of me that I had never before allowed myself to take existed…

Was upset because Roo was not mine…

"No… Roo can't be mine… because Casey and I have never…"

Her eyebrows shot up,"Had sex ?"

I spread my hands against the steering wheel."Yes. We've never had sex."

She looked at me like some unknown bug splattered on the windscreen."Ever ?"

I looked at her in shock."No. Never."

She shrugged,"Have you two ever… done other things ? Like maybe you two were playing and maybe some fluid got somewhere it shouldn't have ?"

"playing ? ! Fluid ? ! What the infernal region !"I gasped.

She giggled at me again,"What ? I'm not clean-handed. I'm fourteen. I have access to a computer and the cyberspace with no parental filter…"

A mental picture snapped into my mind I desperately wished I could lap clean… I was going to need to stream bleach into my spike when I got home base. Some very strong bleach…

"Gross… that mental depiction is going to sting with me…"I muttered.

She gave me an offended look."It's not that big a deal. If I was your picayune buddy and not your little Sister you wouldn't say shit about it."

I laughed, shaking my headland as I realized she was right. I shrugged,"I guess you're right. In fact, if you were my little sidekick I'd probably have some site recommendations for you."

She hit me in the arm as we both laughed our asses off.

Once the fit passed she pressed on,"So, is that possible ? Maybe you two just weren't careful ?"

I shook my head at her."No. Not possible. We have not treated each other as vacation spot equipment."

She frowned."So… you've never seen her au naturel ?"

I threw my head back…

Taking a deep breathing space, I told her,"I didn't say that. I just said, we've never had sex. We've never…"

She looked at me like I was holding back,"But you've seen her naked ? So, it's possible that maybe Roo is yours ?"

I raised an supercilium at her,"Maybe you're apprehension of infant making mechanics is off, but knowing what she looks like defenseless doesn't mean value it's possible I got her pregnant."

She laughed,"I understand the shop mechanic of it asshole ! You're not giving me a good deal point to work on off of !"

I laughed back at her, shaking my forefront. It was evident she was going to put to work this like a dog with a bone…

I licked my lips nervously, and took a deep breath to get cook for this…

Finally, I looked at her soberly,"You remember, we're under pinkie hope right now ?"

She nodded,"Yeah."

I pointed a finger at her."I'm serious. You tell no one what I'm about to tell you. Not mom, not dad, and certainly not Casey. I shouldn't even tell you this, but I know you're going to go crazy if I don't."

She crossed her heart,"Promise."

I took a beat to think."One former thing. We were young. Really young. You don't contain this against Casey. Got it ?"

She held up two fingers,"Promise."

I gripped the steering cycle tightly, trying to center myself."I've seen Casey naked. But I know Roo is not mine. We might have played Dr. when I was like long dozen or fourteen. It wasn't sexual per se, it was just us both being rum, comparing flake and part. There was no advert, or at to the lowest degree not much touching… and no… fluids."

She giggled."You're such a prude !"

It was my good turn to look at her like she was loony."So, unless Casey has the gestational period that is somewhat more telling than my cognition suggests, I think I'm in the clear."

I went quiet…

The sadness quietly seeping in. It was surprising that the thought of not being Roo's father was so disappointing.

"By the time Casey got pregnant… it had been a foresightful time since we had had any opportunity for Roo to be ours. We just had a few times when we got odd, just kid stuff. Figuring things out. When Casey got pregnant I already had a commodity idea of the mystery story of the female body."

She nodded, thinking…

"Why are you harping on this so seriously ?"I asked her.

She looked at me, concern showing on her typeface."I guess I just thought Roo reminded me of you. I mean, not in looks. In looks she looks just like her mom. It was just something in her eyes, in the way she acts."She shook her head,"Must just be something Casey passed on to her, like the stupid kangaroo thing."

I looked at her and smiled."Or I'm lying…"

Her jaw dropped,"No ! We were under pinky promise ! You're not allowed to lie !"

I laughed at her and shook my head,"I'm not lying."I sighed…"In fact, storm as it is for me to admit, a part of me wishes Roo was mine. Even if it was an accident."I smiled at Re,"I think Casey and I would make one amazing kid together."

She shook her head at me sadly. Pointing her digit at me,"See. It's bastard like that, that I'm talking about."

I didn't want to get back on that track…

"Okay…"A mentation occurred to me then, sudden offense splattering over me,"postponement a min ! You seriously thought that I'd get Casey pregnant and then bring off on her ?"

She paused, her eyes slowly walking back and Forth River while she thought of a in force lie…"No…."

"pinky promise !"

She threw her head back and spread her manpower."O.K.. Maybe I thought that. If you had asked me finis year, I would have got said yes. Now, I mean just now, when I started to peach to you about it,"she rolled her hands around each other,"I just thought maybe you two had been fooling around and you just weren't deliberate enough… maybe there was another guy in the situation… maybe things got complicated…"

A dark cloud passed over my mind,"Re. Casey is not that sort of person. She's not the kind to ‘ period of play around'and she's certainly not the form of person to be fooling around on someone."

She held her hands up,"Okay, OK. No need to get testy about it. I just wanted to ask."

I shook my brain at her…

We again went silent.

She again broke the silence…

"So how old were you when you…"she again made that squishing gesture with her hands,"when you first…"

I froze stagnant, everything clicking in seat. Yes, a respectable division of this was satisfying her curiosity about me and Casey, but a orotund part of it was about satisfying her indigence to understand sex in general. Casey and my human relationship must have represented a mystery story to her, how a boy and a girl managed to be protagonist and address the consequence of sex within that family relationship. It may not directly colligate to her own situation, but it still fueled her desire for knowledge, and to understand a subject that must have been deeply intriguing for her.

I thought back to my own days of being fourteen and trying to estimate out all this sex stuff.

How it all seemed to be a big whodunit. How nobody seemed to want to talk about it, and everyone seemed so repressed. nobody that mattered seemed to take in the answers, and those that did have the result made it weird to peach about…

"Have you talked to your mom about this ?"I asked cautiously.

She made a face,"Ewww… no !"

Fuck ! I thought desperately. I was hoping she'd be more prosperous bringing these enquiry there…

This was not a talk I wanted to have… she was my little sister after all…

Problem was. If I didn't have it with her, who was going to ? I mean, I was sure Mom at to the lowest degree had sat down with her and explained the BASIC. risk, things that needed to be watched out for. well-nigh belike even the excited pitfalls that needed to be taken into account statement. I also realized that as deeply embarrassing as that conversation was, Re well-nigh belike had tuned out for near of it at spoiled, and at best had held onto any questions she might have had…

Now she was looking to person she trusted to get those interrogative sentence answered…

I just drew the short straw of being the one to have the discussion…

I blew air out."Okay. fine. Let's do this. Hit me."

She giggled at me,"How old were you your first time ?"

My face darkened,"A hellhole of a lot sometime than fourteen… on an unrelated promissory note, how's your boyfriend ? Still eating hearty food ? Because I can help him with that…"

She rolled her eyes at me, giggling like a schoolgirl,"Don't worry about that… we haven't… done anything."

I raised my eyebrows at her,"Sex anything, or anything, anything ?"

She gritted her dentition and looked deeply embarrassed,"We've kissed. That's all."

I laughed at her,"Hey, don't have me attitude, you started this."

She laughed and shook her head,"So, are you going to differentiate me, or are you going to bilk my question ?"

I narrowed my eyes at her,"sixteen, almost seventeen."

She nodded and bit her lip."And if it wasn't with Casey… who ?"

I shook my head at her,"I'm not going to be that specific."I could see her close up a bit, so I reached out and took her hand for a sec, hoping to make her understand I wasn't trying to compound any whodunit."I'm not rebuking you. I just want you to read that who you have sex with and under what lot is a special thing to be shared between you and them. It isn't a topic of populace conversation and it's something that should never be bragged about. Sex can be strictly a strong-arm thing, but if it's done right, it's an act of love, and that makes it a sacred affair. When you break that trust, you've committed a grave sin. It's something you should never do, and more importantly, something you should never put up from somebody. Do you understand ?"

She nodded and gave me a shy smiling. I let go of her hand. This was a weird decent conversation, adding holding her hand to it was not an element I even wanted to consider.

She nodded, considering her questions,"So, not being specific, was it just a hookup, or a girl ? Someone extra ?"

I looked at her. This was going to be unpleasant to explain…

I cleared my throat,"My first-class honours degree time was… not what it should hold been. It wasn't for the right cause. I started dating this girl…"

Goddamn it ! I thought, this was seriously going to make her dog the Casey angle…

"When I was sixteen I fell for Casey hard. I mean really hard."

Her eyebrows blastoff up.

"I fell in making love with her, and not just a little. She was all I could reckon about, day and night. It became like an fixation. I thought about having sex with her, about loving her, about growing old with her. I mean I had always had a bit of a crush on her but one day I woke up, something clicked and I was dragged under."I looked at her,"You asked about whether or not we were ever a duad, that was as close as we ever got. I was a mental case jam. She became my entire world."

I shook my read/write head, trying to recall how knock-down that feeling had been, not just so I could excuse it to her, but so that I could finger it again myself."I came pretty damned close to asking her out, hell, to just flat out telling her I loved her."

Her brows knitted,"Why didn't you ?"

I shook my headland at my own stupidity,"Because I was scared. I got it in my dazed headland that I was going to tell her I loved her and she was going to reject me…"

She nodded,"And then you wouldn't be friends anymore…"

I shook my head,"No. I was terrified that she'd rule out me and then I'd lose her. She'd push me out of her life and that would be it. No Thomas More Casey."I sighed, shaking my head,"I couldn't do that. I made up my mind it was better to just love her and be her admirer than endangerment losing her forever."

She looked at me, a tone of pity.

I shrugged,"But that only made it spoilt. I got more and more ghost. It was like a knife was buried in my dresser and I was trying to strike it constantly. Like she was twisting it in me…"I clenched my jaw… that feeling I could remember…

"Finally, I got it in my stupid header that you could only have sex one somebody at a time, and since I couldn't erotic love Casey, I needed to discover somebody else to make out. I started hitting on this early girlfriend and we started dating."I shook my head,"One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together a few times…"

I sighed in disgust,"And I realized that everything I was doing with her was just to try to forget what I felt about Casey. I finally got so disgusted with myself I broke it off."

She had a shell-shocked looking at on her face,"Well… that sucks…"

I smiled and agitate my head at her."I guess my point is that things can get real complicated real fast when sex is involved."

She nodded,"Yeah…"

"What about Casey ? When was her first sentence ?"She asked.

I only considered answering because I could see how tentatively she asked the query. How respectful she was in how she asked it…

I shook my head at her,"I don't know for certain… and again… I don't want you to approximate her, but I think whoever Roo's father is,"I stopped, feeling sorrow well in my chest,"he was her first. I know she was a inferno of a lot fresh than me, and she waited a lot longer."

Re curled in on herself a bit,"Do you remember she loved him ? That he loved her ?"

I looked at her, a deep well of lugubriousness pulling me in…"I don't know if she loved him. She doesn't talking about it. Not even with me. I think she beats herself up about it, that she looks down on herself for it."I paused, my unhappiness turning to a simmering anger, a desire secure than almost any I had ever felt to hurt person,"But I know he didn't love her, because there's no way in Hell he could have made Roo with her and walked away if he did."

Her grimace crumpled up a bit and she nodded sadly.

I snuck a coup d'oeil at her,"So, I'm guessing since you're asking about all of this stuff, you're trying to name up your creative thinker on when you should give it up ?"

She put on a pained grinning and nodded,"Kind of."

I shook my chief,"Do you want to ? Or does he ?"

She shook her question,"He wants to,"she paused,"of course… but…"she took a late breather and let it out slowly,"I really do too."

I blew air out through my nose, trying to have got back my judgement on the situation. Yes, she was my little sister. Yes, I knew she was too immature. I also knew making her feel like I was judging her was not going to pretend her block wanting what her soundbox was telling her to do. Being dismissive of her right now was, in fact, probably the substantially way to pass water sure she made a really dolt decision.

I finally realized what to say…

"Do you fuck Casey ?"I asked.

She nodded, if she caught the sudden change in topic she didn't register it,"Like she was my sister."

I raised my eyebrows,"And do you think she's a smart person ?"

Her saying turned earnest,"One of the smartest people I know."

I nodded,"And do you respect her ?"

She tilted her head and gave me an ‘ are you kidding me ?'look."Thomas More than probably anyone else in the world."

Her mitt shot out and hit me in the arm,"Certainly More than I respect your sorry ass."

I laughed, prison term to set the hook…

"Then before you make this decision, maybe you should ask her what she thinks about these sort of choices…"

There have only been a few times in my life when I really made a departure in individual else's.

I got the impression, right wing then and there, that I made a difference for Adrianna. I could see all the tumblers line up perfectly for her, could keep an eye on as everything fell into place. I could see in her eyes that she looked at Casey's situation and for the first time she put herself in those shoe and walked a mile. She felt the sadness. Felt the isolation. Felt the sacrifices that Casey made on a day-to-day basis to take concern of her baby girl.

I could tell, she rejected every division of that, but not in a judgmental way. She didn't look down on Casey. She just decided that she had seen her friend go down a very hard path, and while she respected what Casey had managed, she decided to go a different way…

I also guessed I just cockblocked the shit out of her boyfriend…

Worth it.

She smiled at me, and as we pulled into the driveway she looked at me,"So, about those website recommendations…"

I looked at her in repugnance for a snag second…

Then she burst out laughing…



Chapter 6

We went inside. I learned an important example that Night. When someone you love is sitting in a infirmary somewhere, when you don't know how they are doing, how well they are, hell, whether or not they're going to live or die, the tranquillise times are the sorry times. There's cypher to do, but sit, and wonder, and worry, and make up scenarios that one should definitely not be thinking about…

We sat on the sofa in my parent's trailer and tried to view a movie together.

Neither of us seemed all that tired. Both of us seemed unsatisfied as all get out. We had talked each other out, and neither of us seemed all that concern in trying to get to sleep.

Finally, I could use up no more.

I stood,"I'm going to go for a walk. Maybe moving around some will assist me get my mentality to close the shag up. need to come ?"

She looked up at me from the pillow she had laid out for herself to watch the moving picture from. She was chewing on her collar again.

She shook her head at me slightly,"No."She lifted her phone up,"Fuck. It's almost midnight."

She sighed,"I'm supposed to have volleyball camp in the morning. Think I'm going to need to bail on it."

I shook my top dog at her."No way."

She looked at me, and I was taken with how much like her mother she looked."Jakey, my mom is in the hospital. I really don't feel like playing volleyball good now."

I knelt in front of her and put my hand on her hip."Kiddo. Your mom would kill me if she knew I told you this, but she put in a lot of sacrifices to make sure you had the money for that clique. If you don't go, she's going to feel like she let you down. Like she took something from you. It would be important to her that you go."

crying started in her eyes."I know. It's just I sit here and all I can think about is how disturbed I am that she's going to get sicker…"

She didn't want to say it. She didn't even want to open the door to the possibleness that her mom might die.

I licked my lips and tried to pore my thoughts. I didn't want to think about mom dying any more than Re did, but I needed to. I needed to imagine out ahead of this. I needed to be the one that kept their diddlysquat together so if this went sideways I could help maintain everyone else centered in the route. I needed to be strong for Re, and for my dad. It would be tough, and I knew I would be hurting just as lots as they were if the unthinkable happened, but someone needed to do the job, and I was best equipped.

I looked into her eyes and smiled."Kiddo, thing are going to puzzle out out. They have to, because I won't let it go down any other way. Right now, sitting here, hell, tomorrow, sitting here, and worrying your pass off, isn't going to do a goddamn bit of thoroughly. You should go to your camp tomorrow, and you should try to take in fun. You should try to learn, and you should live your aliveness like everything is going to be okay, correctly up until life shows you it isn't going to be. Don't tempt destiny. We all just need to go on with some hope, and beg things turn out for the substantially. Okay ?"

She gave me a hopeless look."And what if she gets sicker ? What if she gets bad news from the medico tomorrow ?"

I smiled at her, trying to put her at relief,"Then I can come right down to the school day and get you. You'll be my first stopover, and we'll all grimace this together as a phratry. Right now, what I need you to do is be a kid. I need you to let me do the grownup thing, and you do the kid thing. If you're running rotary around your mom's bed at the hospital all she's going to do is worry about how she's worrying you. You going on like you're not worried is the well thing for her. You want to be strong for her, that's the way you do it, okay ?"

She gave me a hurt grinning, and I knew I had said just the rectify matter, in just the right way.

She nodded, and with tears rolling down her face she sat up and gave me a big hug. I held her tight, pretending I was the one giving her strong point when I knew the truth was that she was supporting me.

She pushed back from me and blew out a deep breath, waving a handwriting at her aspect to dry her bust. I could see her driving the pain in the neck, and the worry down. Could see her exerting iron-willed ascendency over it.

"You go for your walk. If I'm going to be at camp tomorrow, I need to get some sleep."

I smiled at her."You go on to bed. I'll hang out here. I don't need to go for a base on balls. If you can be goon, so can I."

She crawled off the sofa and walked around behind it, heading back towards her bedroom. She stopped at the door between the living room and the kitchen and turned back to me."Go ahead and go for your walk."She smiled, and I felt my heart lift a trivial."And say hi to Casey for me."

I smiled at her."Casey is in bed I'm trusted. I'm not going to run off and put out her. I really just wanted to get out and incinerate off some energy."

She nodded, frowning at me, not believing a Bible I said…"Tell yourself what you have to…"

With that, she turned and walked from the room.

I stayed until I heard her close in the bathroom and school principal into her bedroom and shut the door.

I lied to myself as I pulled the kangaroos I had bought for Casey and Roo out of my truck and told myself that I was just bringing them in case I happened to walk by and Casey happened to be awake.

My traitorous human foot gave Sojourner Truth to the lie as they headed me neat towards her home. She had bought the house trailer right behind my mom and dad's. In true statement, my mom, who had managed the park for the preceding few year, had arranged for her to be capable to get the piazza. Things had gotten tense between her and her mom while she was pregnant. Her mom had apparently taken the attitude that her girl, who was a million meter better of a person than her mother could ever go for to be, was a whore for getting pregnant at seventeen. The last couple months of the pregnancy Casey had ended up staying at my parent's place…

She busted her ass and got through shoal early, in fact, just in meter to have Roo. She always joked that at to the lowest degree she hadn't had to walk to get her diploma while still big as a whale…

After she had Roo, she got her job at the local supermarket. They hired her as a chequer, and that was what she had done for the past three years. She used her paltry pay to help pay for her little trailer, and she worked firmly every ace day to name her lifetime, and her daughter's life, just a niggling bit better than it had been the day before.

My feet crunched in the gravel that was set between the poke as I thought about how low I had felt when I had talked to Casey rightfield after Roo had been born. I had run domicile to try to be there for Roo's birth, and I had come up short. I sat down with her, and I begged her to make out back with me. To bring little Roo, and arrive arrest with me. She could start a new animation there. She could go to school with me, and she could live with me until she got her own place. Looking back on it now, I realized, I hadn't been trying to win over her to start a new liveliness, I had been trying to convince her to come and get a life with me.

In my own fantasy world, I had gotten it into my straits that she'd come up and she'd live with me for a little while. She'd head start to bring in that she maybe, maybe she loved me as often as I loved her…

We'd just pretend Roo was mine.

We'd be a family.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I tried to make up my brain startle away from remembering how she had told me no with tears in her oculus. How she told me she couldn't leave her female parent behind, how she needed to regain her own place in the world.

I remembered thinking how hollow all of those self-justification had sounded. I remember thinking that what she was trying to politely tell me was that she wasn't interested in starting a life history with me…

I looked up and my heart leapt to see that the lights in her place were still on.

I gripped my dullard short kangaroo tighter as I tried to summon up the braveness to keep walking…

You have to be either stupid, or looney to do what you are thinking about doing… I warned myself. You already position your heart bare for her once… how many multiplication are you going to do this to yourself before you realize that she doesn't feel the way about you that you do about her ? Are you seriously going to let the pie in the sky ramblings of a fourteen-year-old kid tear you open like this again ? How many to a greater extent sentence do you think she's going to put up with this shit from you before she tells you to get lost forever ?

…How many more than meter do you cogitate you can learn her say no before you start to detest her ?

I came around the figurehead of her trailer and started up the three steps to her porch. My eyes were so focused on the front threshold and my idea so focused on screwing up my courage that I didn't see her sitting there on the meter up, ancient, short cast she had on the battlefront porch.

My only warning she was there was when I heard her sniffle, when I saw her motility in the duskiness. She had the porch light out. She was sitting there in the darkness…

Just enough light poured in from the streetlights around the park for me to make out her wiping at her face.

She had been crying.

My spunk crashed into my stomach…

You stunned son of a bitch. Her friend is in the hospital and she's probably worried sick about her, and here you are thinking about how you can get into her pants ? What is awry with you ! I thought in disgust.

I wanted to apologize for bothering her…

All I managed to say was,"Hey."

She sat up a little straighter and sniffled, wiping at her grimace harder."I'm sorry."

I smiled, even though I knew in the swarthiness, she couldn't see it. I shook my school principal at her,"Don't be sorry. You that worried about her ?"

She jerked her head, nodding…

"Yeah."

I pointed to the redact next to her."Can I sit for a while ?"

She was facing into the street lamp, so I could see her smile at me,"Please. You can always make out sit with me."

I sat down next to her, cheeseparing to her. Close enough that I could put my arm around her if I dared…

I didn't dare.

She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder.

I figured, What the shag ? And put my arm around her, pulling her close.

She didn't complain.

She held up the bottle she had in her lap."Beer ?"

I shook my brain,"No thanks. I remember your taste in beer sucks…"

A sob seemed to wrack through her… one she barely caught… and she folded into me like the animation had just been drained out of her.

I dropped the kangaroo I had still been holding in my decently hand to the flooring and pulled her in tighter, hugging her. I put my lips to her straits and squeezed her tight, trying to will my forcefulness into her. My meat was breaking into a million pieces just to take heed her crying. To feel the sobs, she held back as they wracked her body.

I kissed her frontal bone, daring… hoping…

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay…"I whispered, rocking her.

She shook her head and I pulled her in closer."I got you. I'm here… I'm sorry it took me so long…"

I tried to let her cry herself out, but I also wanted to soothe her…"Kiddo, it's okay. She's going to be okay."

Like that, she took a deep breath and I could sense her shove a glut of emotions down into some thick, dark stead. Like water smoothing as the wind died, she went calm…

That's not good… I thought as I realized that she had just pushed the emotion away from her.

She sat up straight and looked at the bottle in her hand. I figured she'd drain it…

Instead, she set it on the little tabular array she had next to the couch.

I gave her a weak smile,"Figured you'd down that bitch…"

She gave me a chuckle,"No. I don't need to be that person."

The realization of how dumb that input was slammed into me at broad force. Her mom had been that person. The one that had turned to a feeding bottle every time matter got tough. The one the drowned themselves in booze every clip there was a problem…

I put the ribbon of my hand to the slope of her cheek, her cheek beneath my quarter round, her elven ear underneath my finger. I could feel the heat of her ear on my fingers and the wetness of her weeping on my pollex. She covered my mitt in her own and leaned into it, closing her eyes like she was savoring the middleman, like she was sucking up the love and storing it for some later date.

We twisted so we could face each other on the lounge, one leg draped over the sharpness, the knees of our opposite leg touching. Once again, I let my hand drift behind her neck opening and I pulled her forehead to mine. We sat that way for a few minutes, our foreheads pressed together. Our noses touching. Both of us quietly, gently, moving our head just enough to rub our nose together…

Esquimau kisses…

That was what my mom, my birth mom, had called them. She used to give them to me every Night before we went to bed…

Finally, I could shoot no more. I pulled away, reaching for the kangaroos…"Here. I got you this."

It was dark, and I'm sure she had no way to see them, at least not well.

She sat the mammy in her lap, her big feet facing her. She grabbed each invertebrate foot. She ran her digit over the cheek of both momma and baby…

She shook her head, in truth she shook her whole body…

She was starting to misplace her calmness again…

"Thank you… Roo's going to love it."

I moved closer to her, my breath shallowed as I felt an icy wave severance loose in my chest…

That feeling I had told Re about ? The one, the obsession ? That thought where the only thing that existed in the world was Casey ? How I had told her I didn't commend how it felt anymore ?

I remembered it.

I shook my oral sex as I took the kangaroo back from her."No."I pulled the joey out of his momma's pouch and held it up for her."This one is for Roo."The momma, I took my provide hand and holding the neck between my finger's breadth I moved the kangaroos head up and down, making it nod…"This one is for you."

Her facial expression crumpled as she looked at me…

My god… how can she be so beautiful even when she cries… I thought in wonder…

She pulled the kangaroo out of my hired man, hugging it tight. She cried, and all I could do was sit there, my hand on her knee, and be with her.

"Thank you."She finally managed.

I smiled as I felt the last of my will sap away…

"I'm sorry…"I whispered as my hand found its way back to the dorsum of her neck.

Her eyes opened and the bout stopped… her breathing slowed… I felt her hired hand just start from the kangaroo and onto my leg…

"For what ?"She whispered back to me.

"I can't pretend anymore…"

I pulled her in and kissed her on the lips.

It was a pillock move.

It was a disrespectful move.

I had no right.

As soon as our lips met I expected her to pull away. I expected her to push me away. I expected her to scream.

underworld, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had punched me in the face…

Wouldn't have been the first metre a woman had punched me in the face…

It wouldn't be the first time a woman had punched me in the face today…

What I didn't expect was for her lip to unthaw beneath mine as they did. I didn't expect her sassing to open for me. I didn't expect her glossa to slip between my rim. I didn't expect to finger her arms come up and wrap themselves around my head.

I sure as fuck didn't expect her to scend up and pass around her branch over my body…

I got all of those things.

I wrapped my arms around her as she kissed me aggressively, her fingers dancing lightly across my face.

A better man than me might cause been able to stay fresh track of the humankind. He might have worried about the time wasted in the relationship that had just ended. He might have worried about the job he had just lost. He might induce even worried about his sick mom in the hospital…

I was happy for the start clip in my integral life to not be a well man…

She became my entire human beings. I felt the shell I had put around my feelings for her smash-up away and the entirety of it all boiled up from within me. My helping hand found their way beneath her shirt, working their way across the smooth muscle of her back.

Her soundbox worked against mine, our body finding time with one another. Her breathing was fast and hard, matching mine in rhythm and pacing. I felt her physical pauperization for me grow to match mine…

And then it hit me I was doing this all wrong…

I wanted her. I wanted to just pick her up and carry her interior. To crawl into bed with her and make love to her. I wanted to forget the human beings with her. I wanted to make her forget the universe with me…

But more than anything, I wanted her to understand just how lots I loved her. I needed her to infer that it wasn't just a physical passion that drove me. She was beautiful. She had an amazing body. I loved the graceful curve of her neck, and the voiced origin of her face, but more than anything… I loved her soul.

I pulled my mouth away from hers,"I love you."I managed to whisper between kisses.

Her mouth moved down the side of my side, across my neck,"Stop talking…"she begged.

I shook my head… I needed her to understand…

I needed her to understand I didn't just want to get in her pants. I didn't want to receive tonight. I wanted to deliver tonight and every night from now on. I needed her to empathise I couldn't do this unless I could make that. There was no way I was going to be able to look back at tonight and know that was all I was ever going to have with her…

My hands found their way from her rear to her position. My lip found her neck as the fire in my chest spread through my body…

"I love you, and I want to be with you…"I whispered,"Not just tonight…"

She stopped kissing me and closed her eyes, a flavor of pain and something like intense compactness warring on her face. Her arms wrapped around my head and she kept my pulled close, her forehead against mine.

"Please bar talking…"She begged."I just want you to make love to me…"

Her body shuddered, like she was about to set forth sobbing again…

I kissed her brim again, trying to make her understand that I was going to take a leak thing okay again.

"I don't understand…"my head shook,"what's legal injury ?"I whispered."What did I do wrong ?"

Her head shook,"I can't. I'm sorry… I can't."

I tried to kiss her again and she pushed me away this time…

And there it is… she doesn't love you. She'll let you have sex with her, but she'll never love you. I thought to myself, my heart starting to bleed.

She slid away from me."You should go."

My heart crashed into my stomach…

She slid out of my lap and turned her book binding to me. I slid forward on the couch, despairing to explain myself…

I had ruined everything. I had gambled our entire friendship and I had lost. How could I be so stunned ?

"I'm sorry…"I whispered…

She shook her head at me,"Please just stop."She turned her face back to me."I'm sorry. This is my fault…"

"Just let me explain…"I begged.

She opened the look door. Turning back to me one terminal prison term,"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore…"

She went inside…



Chapter 7
I carried my sorry ass out of there and went place. I'll admit, I laid there on the sofa for a tenacious sentence, feeling sorry for myself. How had one day gone so badly ? How had I managed to claim literally everything I had and destroy it ?

After a few time of day, I finally managed to come asleep. It was a restless, exhausting sleep filled with bad dreams. It was one of the longest nights of my entire life history. I knew, on one level, I should be worried about my mom. I should be worried about my future. The only thing I was worried about though, was whether or not Casey was ever going to talk to me again.

Never again would I get to see her grin in the sun as she lay next to a swim hole. Never again would I get to see the raw joy in her eyes as she dove into a dental plate of bar-be-que costa I had made for her. I would never again get a two-in-the-morning phone call that woke me up just because she felt alone. I would never see her grow old. I'd never get to relieve oneself her soup when she was sick…

I felt adrift and lost…

I woke to a knock on the threshold, snapping awake and jumping up from the lounge. I wanted to get the threshold open as fast as possible as I didn't want the knocking to arouse Adrianna up. I felt bad for the poor kid. quietus and an grownup schedule was hard enough on a kid. I knew it had taken her forever to settle asleep last night.

Some asshole banging on the door first thing in the morning time was the last thing she needed.

I rubbed my brass as I ripped the threshold undefendable.

My heart leapt into my throat when I saw Casey standing there in the daybreak light. I tried to swallow…

shag me in the ass with a wooden spoonful ! I thought, panicking.

This was so not fair ! She didn't even give me a chance to come up with some kind of explanation ? Some chance to come up with some sort of semi-believable lie we could recount each other to try to witness some way through this ? Just an too soon morning ambush ?

Her face was tumid and I could tell she had been crying. What was worse was I knew she had been crying because of me. Because of the raw folly that bounced around inside my brain.

Say something you stupid son of a bitch ! My brain screamed at me.

Roo saved my ass,"Big guy !"She screamed as only a three-year-old can.

She reached for me with her one free script, her other arm was busy wrapped around the stuffed kangaroo that I had given Casey the dark that Roo had been born.

Casey shushed her gently, trying to get her to be quiet, and bounced her in her arms."Quiet now baby girl. It's still really ahead of time and people are trying to sleep."

Her eyes caught mine for a Split second and as fast as I could think, as I could hope to find some of sort of pardon for my stupidity the previous night they swiped away from me.

"Is Adrianna here ?"She asked me shyly.

I rubbed my face to try to clear my head,"She is, but the poor kid didn't get to kip until way late."

Casey looked away from me, out into the railway yard, like she was trying to mean. She bounced Roo, who had put a thumb in her mouth and leaned into her momma. piddling Roo was looking at me, that blank stare all small kid seem to take up when they are studying something they find interesting. I stuck my tongue out at her…

It was a cockamamie thing to do, but the urge struck me suddenly and I just rolled with it. Roo's face lit up in a grinning around her little ovolo and she giggled at me.

The audio caused Casey to birl around.

I barely got my tongue back into my mouth and did my best to look innocent.

Roo rated my ass out,"He's silly mummy ! He stuck his tongue out at me !"

Casey looked at her daughter, then to me with shock.

She laughed for just a Split second base before that sadness I had put in her heart managed to snuff out the fire. I felt a dagger of guiltiness stab into my heart…

Casey shook her head,"facial expression. Can you wake Adrianna for me ? I overslept because of-"She cut herself off.

She didn't need to say it. I understood. She had overslept because she had been up crying most the Nox because the stupid ass she had been friends with since she was ten class old had decided that it was more important to him to stick his tongue in her mouth than it was to just be her friend…

She shook her head, her face nearly cracking,"Doesn't matter. Adrianna is sitting for me this summertime while she's off school. I'm already late and I need to get ready fast. Can you awaken her up ?"

I held my arms out, seeing my chance to weasel my way back into her good saving grace."give her here. I can keep an eye on her. Then you can get ready and Re can get some extra sleep."

Her oculus widened and she looked from Roo to me. Her face was filled with such lovemaking when she looked at her daughter, and such sadness when she looked at me. She nodded quickly as she forced a smile onto her face.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. How about it pumpkin ? You want to go with Jakey, hang out with him and Adrianna today ?"She asked the little girl.

Roo reached out for me,"Big guy !"

Her little face was filled with such joy I couldn't help but experience my look raise.

Stepping finale I pulled her out of her mom's weapon and scooped her close to my chest. She giggled and gave me one of those awkward hug only a yearling seems to fuck how to give.

I looked at Casey and watched as her fount nearly cracked with sadness…

"Hey, can we talk… about last night, I'm really…"

She cut me off, holding a hand up,"Tonight. I promise."She shook her top dog, looking back towards the safety of her house,"I'm crazy late. I need to run."Her optic snapped back to me, and for the low sentence all morning time she was capable to hold my gaze for a second."Tonight, can you come over ? I'll make the three of us dinner, and then we can watch a moving-picture show or something and we'll talk of the town after I put Roo to bed."

"But I don't wan na go to bed !"Roo announced.

Casey smiled, pushing the sadness out of her centre as she stepped closer to me and ran her hand over her little girl's forehead."I meant tonight silly. You want to have got dinner with Jakey, and then we can learn Zootopia ?"

Roo looked at me with amazement,"You'll watch Zootopika with me ?"

I giggled as her three-year-old palate mangled the word and pulled her tighter,"Yeah kiddo. I'd erotic love to find out Zootopia with you and your mom."

Roo looked back at her mom,"You promised."She held one of her chubby slight fingers out."You have to hold open a promise."

Casey leaned in and kissed her on the forehead."I will baby. We'll have dinner, and then we'll watch a pic together."

Her eyes came back to me and I could see them annotate over with tears…

I wanted to beg her. If I knew it would do a damn bit of dear I would have thrown myself at her pes right there and begged for forgiveness.

She nodded, pushing the sadness back down,"Tonight."

I wanted to pass out and put a hired man on her shoulder, pull up her in for a hug, even hold her hand. Anything to try to suck some of the pain and sadness out of her…

After my foolishness utmost Night, I didn't dare touch her. serious case scenario, I was going to have a long, hard road ahead of myself to try to bring in her trust back. Worst lawsuit scenario… I didn't even want to recall about what the worst-case scenario looked like.

Casey pointed to the two of us,"You two going to be okay ?"

I sighed, trying to force my brainpower onto the topic of taking precaution of this little girl until my sister woke up.

I looked at baby girl,"You don't still shit yourself, do you ?"

Casey barely compressed the joke that tried to bristle out of her, and forced it into a snort.

Roo held her bridge player in front end of her mouth,"You said a bad word."

I took her hand and shook it,"Don't try to dodge the question. You know how to use a john ?"

She primed up like a peacock butterfly,"I use the crapper like a big girl."

I looked back at Casey, overjoyed to see that my offhand remark had put a little spark of happiness in her heart.

I frowned,"I think we've got it covered then."

I saw the joy and the sadness battle for restraint of her creative thinker and took it as a in effect mansion when she put a smile on her case and dodged her way off of the porch."address me if you need anything,"She threw over her shoulder as she fled.

Roo and I watched her go.

Finally, and with a big suspiration I carried Roo into the house.

"Mommy's sad."Roo said ruefully.

I bounced her like I had seen her mom do."Yeah, I messed up and made her sad."

She looked at me seriously,"Did you say you were sorry ?"

I smiled at her,"I'm trying to baby. I'll just get to find a way to reach it up to her."

She pursed her minuscule face up, a look of totality tightness on her face,"Maybe you should squall her… she always smiles when you call her."

I sighed,"I'll think about it."

Shaking my drumhead to try to clear it, I asked her,"So what the shit should we do ?"

She again put her hand over her oral fissure,"You said another bad word…"

I laughed in her expression."Get used to it kid."I told her, laughing.

She laughed with me…

"Can we observe Zootopika ?"She asked in her innocent little voice.

I looked at her sideways… I was starting to get the impression I was going to be watching a Inferno of a lot of Zootopia, whatever the hell on earth that was…

"We're going to catch that tonight with Mommy, remember ?"I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes at me like I was stupid,"Yeah, I remember, but you can never check Zootopia too many fourth dimension silly…"

She was a fiddling smart mouthpiece like her mommy…

I loved it. I let her down and walked her over to the sofa. Taking her hand, I lifted her and helped her climb up. She sat engulfed by the shock absorber, her peg sprawled out straight in front of her. I smiled at how cute she was.

"Well, kiddo. I don't live here, and I don't know if they have Zootopia and it would be rude for me to go pawing through their stuff. Can you think of something else you'd like to do ? get a line how to do revenue enhancement, or juggling knives or something… ?"

She tilted her pass at me,"mammy says knives are life-threatening and that I shouldn't play with them."

I laughed. Kid didn't have much of a common sense of humor, but she had trade good comedic timing…

I squatted down in presence of her to be at her level."Well, I threw out two perfectly proficient ideas. If you don't like them, why don't you suggest something."

She pointed a finger at me,"I thought of Zootopika…"

I smiled,"secure level. How about another choice ?"

She leaned towards me conspiratorially,"Can we watch Dashie ?"

I raised an eyebrow and scratched above my ear,"So… full moon disclosure. I'm a picayune out of the entertainment for three year old's circle. What the hell is a Dashie ?"

She pointed to the TV."On OoooTube."

holy place shit, it's like I need to find out a whole new language… I thought, trying to envision out what the hell she was talking about.

Then it hit me."YouTube ?"

She smiled as she nodded eagerly.

Shouldn't be too hard to figure out… I thought to myself as I started up my sister's Playstation and loaded the YouTube app.

I typed in Dashie on the controller and started shifting through the upshot. Looking at Roo I asked,"Little help here kiddo ?"

She pointed excitedly."That one ! That's Dashie !"

I had never seen this particular proposition guy do his shtick before, but I had seen videos like it. He sat and facecammed while he played video games. Seemed a petty Wyrd for a three-year-old to be occupy in, but hey, who was I to judge ?

I selected his channel and sorted through his television, trying to count on out what she would like.

darn, guy does a lot of videos… I thought as I sorted them.

"Which one do you want, clit ?"I asked Roo.

"The ace where he plays Mario !"She said excitedly.

Okay, easy enough. I thought as I sorted to a playlist where he played superintendent Mario Maker.

I sat down next to her as I played the telecasting for her.

Then I realized, maybe it isn't cool to sit cuddled up with a strange three-year-old… I was still a little fuzzy about all of the rules when it came to taking care of a kid…

Looking down at her I watched her piddling look enraptured by this guy as he screamed and yelled as he got trolled by the level. It seemed like the total root word was built around mass making point for him that were purely designed to torture him…

It was pretty funny… maybe a footling in the adult voice communication department for a three-year-old, but still singular. share of me wondered if I should turn it off… the larger part was more implicated with the fact that at to the lowest degree I wasn't watching something terrible.

nookie it. Plausible deniability. If someone bitches about it I can just encounter stupid. I thought.

We had made it through three episode when I heard a voice over my berm,"Ha. This one's funny."

I tilted my head back to come up Adrianna standing over the back of the sofa. She leaned over and plucked a piece of cereal out of the bowl I was eating out of, and popped it into her mouth.

I smiled at her as she said,"You know if Casey finds out you let her watch this she's going to kick your ass, right ?"

I looked at Roo, who was sitting on the other sofa, a bowl of cereal as big as her head in her lap, then up at Re again,"And you know sneak get stitches right ?"

Re lifted her eyebrows at me,"She's three, bro. They're not exactly politico when it comes to keeping enigma right ?"

I frowned.

Oops. She was probably right. I was most likely busted…

Roo was totally engrossed in the instalment so I snapped my fingers at her,"Roo."

She looked at me,"Don't Tell mommy I let you watch this okay ?"

She looked at her bowl of cereal, then at the TV. Then her vicious little eyes narrowed."Mommy says I shouldn't proceed secrets…"

I looked at Re in jar."Is this evil little troll fishing for a bribe ?"

She laughed and took another slice of my cereal grass, popping it into her rima oris."She's three. They're all little sociopaths. They have the self-discipline of a raccoon."

"applesauce panda !"Roo screamed.

I looked at Adrianna questioningly."Trash panda ?"

Re giggled."I taught her that. Her mom hates it, it's hilarious."

"So Roo. You understand if you tell your mommy I let you take in this I won't be able-bodied to let you watch it tomorrow."

Her face went wide in shock."I won't tell."

I snickered and held my clenched fist out to her,"Bump it."

She fist bump me.

I gave Re a shit eating grinning, pointing at Roo,"I taught her that."

Re grabbed the bowling ball of grain out of my hand and started eating out of it."Great job bro. You're the very definition of a role fashion model. Her life history is enlightened by your very presence."

smartness ass… I thought, giving her a dirty look.

It was still funny though…

"What's she even doing here ?"Re asked between snack of food.

I gave her a perplexed look,"What do you mean ? I thought you were sitting for her this summer ?"

She chewed with her mouth open,"Remember bro ? Volleyball camp this week. She's supposed to be going to one of Casey's friend's theatre this week."

My breadbasket sank and I grimaced,"Oops."

Re put another spoonful of food in her mouth,"Looks like you're baby sitting today."

I looked at Roo. She was having a fire. Finally, I shrugged,"Whatever, she's cool."

Re smiled."Roo ?"

Roo looked up from the TV.

Re pointed her spoon at me,"Did you hear that ? Jake thinks you're cool."

Roo nodded, full of innocent spirt,"I like Jake too !"She balanced her bowl carefully and started to lift it,"He gave me sugar grain ! See !"

Re motioned her to put the sports stadium back in her lap,"Yeah, I see."She looked at me,"You know mom's going to put your balls in a vice and squeeze play if she spills that on the couch."

I paused…"Oops."

Re shrugged, eating another spoonful."So, Casey must have forgotten about camp this week, huh ?"

I looked at Roo and said absentmindedly,"She didn't get practically quietus last night."

Re laughed,"About damn metre !"

My straits snapped around to her. I realized in horror she had misinterpreted what I was saying."No ! Or… fuck… not like that."I said quickly.

She gave me a ‘ sure.'facial expression.

I shook my head at her, last dark's stupidity flashing back into my head. Sighing, I decided to say her…

"I went over there… it didn't go well. She's pretty pissed at me right now."

Her face went white in electrical shock and she tilted her fountainhead towards the kitchen, pointing towards Roo with her spoon.

"We can't just leave her here !"I hissed.

"Why not ?"

I looked at Roo, who was, incidentally, completely enraptured by the TV,"I don't know, what if she sticks her spoon in a light socket or something ?"

Re looked at me like I was stupid…"Watch."Re commanded,"Roo !"

Roo's head snapped around to her."Don't get off the couch. auntie Adrianna and Jake have to go into the kitchen. If you get off the couch, I'll turn off Dashie and you won't get to view him for the relief of the day."

Roo's eyes went full."No. I'll be trade good. I'll check right here."

Roo turned and looked at me. I nodded at her,"Yeah, uh… stay on the lounge, and don't put your spoon in a light socket."

Roo looked down at her spoon, then back up at me."That would be pretty stupid… that's where the electricianity lives."

Re laughed her ass off while I gave her a dirty look,"See bro ? She's smarter than you…"

I looked at Roo and stuck my tongue out at her. She stuck hers back out at me and then went back to watching television.

Getting up I followed Re into the kitchen. She leaned up against the counter and gave me a questioning looking at."You told her ?"

I leaned against the kitchen table, rubbing the stubble on my Chin and trying to cerebrate. Last Nox went so off the rails it was hard to think of exactly where it had taken the hard-left bit.

"Not really… I mean, yeah. I told her."My heart found hers,"I kissed her first though…"

Her eyebrows shot up."Going for broke, huh ?"

I shook my head teacher at her, looking at the floor,"I guess."

"Hey."Her voice woke me from my trance. She motioned with her spoonful."And how'd she make it ?"

I chewed on my lip. I didn't really want to commit her details, but I also wanted to get someone else's opinion on how badly I had screwed up. Re was only XIV, but she had a really beneficial school principal on her articulatio humeri. There were few opinions in the world I held in high esteem. Yeah, she might not ingest all the answers, and she might have a lot to memorize about the world still, but she was an avid student of the great unwashed, and she knew a shit load more about them than I thought I would ever envision out…

I stepped forward and held my little finger out to her. She dropped her spoon in her bowl and grabbed my finger gleefully.

I sighed,"At maiden, it was bully. She kissed me back…"

"How'd she kiss you back ? Was she into it ? Or was she like, ‘ ew… this totally sucks, he's a painful kisser and he looks like the ass end of a badger'?"

I rolled my eye at her. This seemed really senior high schoolhouse right now…"It seemed like she was into it ..."I shook my head… that couldn't be right-hand. She couldn't be into it, could she ? I mean not if she reacted the way she had ?

"And then ?"

I looked at her and realized I had again gone into a spell,"And we were kissing, and I told her I loved her, and she shut me down."

"time lag. What ?"She looked confused."Back up there."

"She shut me down."

Re looked at me like I had grown a third arm."No, before that. You told her you loved her ? The existent Good Book, the L word ?"

I rolled my middle."You told me to severalize her how I felt."

She put another spoon of cereal in her oral cavity,"Yeah, but I thought you'd cunt out for sure."

I gave her a expressionless look."Thanks for the ballot of confidence…"

She chewed her cereal quietly for a few arcsecond."She smack you one ?"

I shook my forefront,"No."

Another bite,"She bear on you off of her, or away ?"

I shook my head,"No. She was on top."

Now she looked like I had slapped her,"Wait ! What ? You suck at this ! How did she end up on top of you ?"

I looked at the flooring, grinding my tooth."I gave her the kangaroos…"

She pointed her spoon at me,"That was smooth."She told me through a mouthful of food.

I bounced my eyebrows at her,"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, she was looking at the kangaroos and I just sort of leaned in and kissed her. Nothing too aggressive, just a light peck. I started to chicken out. I wanted the words to just look sharp out and they wouldn't, so I figured I'd display her how I felt. I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back."

She put another spoonful of cereal into her mouth,"And she didn't act like you look like the ass end of a Badger, I mean, you know you look like the ass end of a badger, right ?"

"Ha, ha. Very funny. cease it, my sides are splitting here…"

She smiled and put another spoonful of grain in her mouth,"So she ignored the badger anus part of you, a ripe sign, and then what happened ?"

"And we started kind of making out, and she climbed on top of me… and while we were… you know… I told her I loved her."

"Where was this ?"

I blew out a breathing time,"On her straw man porch."

Her jaw dropped outdoors,"You had sex with her on her strawman porch ?"

"Sex ! I didn't say we had sex !"I shook my head and held my hand out.

She spread her arms wide-eyed,"I told you ! You suck at this ! What was I supposed to assume when you said ‘ while we were, you know'?"She made a face at me while she said it…

"We were making out !"I told her incredulously, trying to stay fresh my voice down so Roo wouldn't hear us.

She held her spoonful up,"Okay ! I get it now."She shook her school principal at me."Sheesh. You really are a prude."

"You're not helping here !"

She laughed."So, you were making out, and you told her you loved her, I mean, like that right, you didn't say something stupid like, ‘ hey, you're pretty cool off ’, or ‘ you look finer than a new set of snow tyre'or something, did you ?"

I shook my headland at her,"No. I told her that I loved her, like that, in so many words."

She put another bite of grain in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully.

"Huh."She said, frowning…

"Huh ! Huh ? ! What the hell is ‘ huh'supposed to mean ?"I asked in a panic.

She turned and put her pipe bowl in the sink, and then came over and patted me on the cheek."It means it sounds like you're fucked."

I held my bridge player up, pantomiming choking her…"I'm going to strangulate the ever-loving shit out of you."

She giggled and held her little finger up to me."Sorry bro. Sounds like she's crazy to me. Either that or she has proficient appreciation than I thought she did !"

I took her pinky in my own, closing the circle, and ground my teeth in defeat at her as she walked back towards her bedroom."Not helpful !"I shouted after her.

She laughed."I'm XIV ! see who you're asking love advice from ! Now, get some clothes on, you're taking my ass to drill !"She threw over her shoulder.

Just about then I heard Roo in the front room,"Uh-oh."

roll in the hay my life… I thought, walking back into the room.

True to forge, Roo had spilled the trough of food grain on the couch…

She looked up at me, scare and fear in her little oculus."I spilled, I'm sorry."

I pushed my frustration with her Down. It wasn't her fault, and getting mad at her was only going to scare her. I needed to remember that she didn't know me very well, and it was very of import to me that she knew I would never hurt her.

I walked over to her and knelt, helping to pull the bits of food grain out of her pajama pants. I scooped up what was now globs of food grain and put it back into the bowl. The milk had already soaked into the couch and the carpet beneath, so there wasn't much to be done for that early than to soak up as much as I could. I didn't want it to dry so I pulled my shirt off and pressed it down on the wet billet, sighing.

I knew Adrianna was compensate. Deb was going to kick my ass…

Looking up at Roo, she had her little hands up by her face and was trying to make herself as small as possible. I gave her a smile,"It's okay popsicle. It's my geological fault. The arena was too big, and I should sustain had you eat it at the table, okay ?"

Her heart got all big and endearing."You're not mad at me ?"

I smiled at her and judder my pass,"No, Button."

"You can grow Dashie off…"She offered,"That could be my punishment. I won't picket him for the eternal sleep of the day… I won't be mad."

I stood and kissed her on the top of the headspring."I told you, push button, I'm not mad. I'm not going to penalise you. It wasn't your faulting. I should have been smarter."

She smiled at me and I felt my middle erupt a trivial she was so freaking adorable…

"I'm wet."She complained.

I looked at her pajamas, which I was just noticing now, were blue angel, and covered with trivial kangaroos…

"I know, pumpkin. Do you have any other clothes ?"

She thought for a indorsement,"I do at my family with my mommy…"

I smiled at her,"I mean here ?"

Her little hands went back up to her mouth and she shrugged. She was a sensitive slight thing, that was for certain.

I leaned back down and kissed her head again."William Tell you what beautiful. You sit there and sentry Dashie, and I'll bank check with Auntie Re and see if we have any dress to change you into."

Her eyes snapped back to the TV for a second, and then back to me,"Okay."

I shook my heading at her and headed into the kitchen. I dropped the bowlful in the sink and then headed down the hind hallway to Re's room. She had the door closed, thankfully, I really didn't want to walk in and find her naked.

Knocking lightly, I said through the closed door,"Roo spilled her cereal…"

"Ha !"I heard her snort from the other position of the door,"You're fucked ! Who's going to be the pet now !"

I thought for a second,"With mom, it's still going to be me, with dad, you."

"nookie ! You're right."She giggled,"cerebration I might be able to hedge past you there."

I laughed. I really loved her sense of temper. It made me realize how very much I had missed her. We talked on the phone pretty often, but that just wasn't the like as being able-bodied to see her, to interact with her.

"Energy Roo have any free dress here ?"I asked the unopen door.

She pulled the door heart-to-heart and I was thankful to see she was still wearing her pajamas…

"sheath didn't leave you any other wearing apparel ? She just dumped her off in her pyjama ?"

I grimaced at her,"No."

She raised her eyebrows at me,"And you weren't smart enough to ask her how you were supposed to dress her ?"

I shrugged,"I forgot about your camp. I thought I was just going to dump her in your lap."

She rolled her center at me, opening the threshold wider. I looked in at the room we used to ploughshare. She had redecorated it since I had moved out. Gone was our old bunk bed set, replaced by a magnanimous, one story bed. Gone were the bare walls, replaced now with posters for band, and cunning animals. Everything was pink now… so ping it burned my eyes…

She walked away from the door and headed over to her desk."Just a second, let me grab my keys. I have a key to Casey's house on there. You're going to need to go over there and get her a fresh set of dress. Casey probably was in a precipitation this morning and thought that was what I would do."

I held my hands out,"No way. I am not going into her home uninvited."

Casey had found the keyring and looked at me."Scared she'll still be there huh, pussy ?"

I put my hands on my rosehip,"No."

She chuckled,"Terrified she'll be there ?"

I nodded,"Yes."

She shook her heading,"Just check. affair will exploit out. block being a fusspot. You're going to need to get this figured out one way or the other, might as well pull the Band-Aid off."

I looked at her in panic."I was trying to put that off public treasury tonight."

She looked at me, bouncing the keys in her hand,"What happens tonight ?"

"We're having dinner over at her place."

She raised an eyebrow at me,"She's cooking you dinner ?"

I shrugged,"I assume. I guess it's possible she'll catch me in some variety of magnanimous alloy coop and then pretend me wee her dinner…"

She laughed and shook her head at me,"I've eaten your cooking… I guarantee that is not her plan."

I laughed with her and her face suddenly went wide in jolt,"piece of tail ! Did she leave you her butt ?"

"Seat ?"I asked, having no clew what she was talking about.

"Yeah, idiot, her car seat ! For Roo !"

I raised an eyebrow at her,"Like a babyseat ? Why does Roo demand that ? She's three."

Re looked at me like I was pudden-head."She still needs a booster seat, asshole."

"Hey, don't look at me like that ! I mean I was going to put a seatbelt on her. I only briefly considered just throwing her in the bed of the hand truck and letting her put her look into the jazz while we drove."I told her defensively.

"roll in the hay !"Re said in exasperation. She turned and headed over to her nightstand to pick up her phone.

"What are you doing ?"I asked.

She looked at me,"I'm calling Lisa. I need a ride, and because you have the parenting skills of a dead wombat, we have no car seat for Roo. That means you can't take me. I need to be on the road in like, an minute, if I don't want to be late."

I tried to look around her elbow room for a clock, trying to set up what prison term it was,"How do you not have a clock in your room ?"

She looked up at me as she swiped at her headphone,"I don't like the light while I'm sleeping. I just use my phone."

"Whatever, anyway. I'll just run to the storehouse, genuine quick. I need to anyway if I'm going to go see mom today. Once you leave, if I can't put her in the truck safely I'll be stuck here."I looked at her, hoping she'd avail me out."Can you look out her really quick ? Please ?"

She pointed at me,"You better be libertine. I don't want to be late."

I ran in and kissed her on the head."Thanks,"I headed for the threshold,"sexual love you in a platonic, completely appropriate for a minuscule Sister sort of way !"I yelled as I ran down the hall.

I stopped in the animation elbow room and put my shoe on, and then realized I was shirtless…

nooky ! I thought, looking around the elbow room in a terror for my bag. poop ! I left it in the motortruck !

Roo was looking at me like I was insane…

"Lollipop, I need to go get you a new seat at the store. Re's going to follow you, is that alright ?"

She shrugged,"I'm still wet."

image piece of tail !

I held my men out."I'll get you some wearing apparel while I'm there, okay ?"

Her eyes went back to the boob tube,"Okay, but pick out something cute… I don't want to look stupid."

I held the index digit on each hand up at her,"Got it. Cute. Stupid. Got it."

Running out the front door I gave the neighbor's a piffling show as I ran to the motortruck and pulled a t-shirt out of the binding and put it on. I hopped in and drove to the shop as fast I could legally… well, mostly legally.

I headed first to the baby surgical incision and picked out a car tail. I had no clue what I was looking for so I just got the most expensive one they had… I figured if it was expensive it had to be good…

Next, I ran into the home section and grabbed a fiddling handheld carpet shampooer so I could clean up the muss Roo had made on the couch, along with a feeding bottle of shampoo.

Finally, I found myself in the little girls'clothing section… and found I had no fucking clue what to get for her. I panicked a little, just sort of wandering around the incision, overwhelmed by all the pinks and yellows. All the frills and lace. Finally, one of the blue smocked employees took a little sympathy on me and came over,"Can I help you regain something ?"She said with a smile.

She was tall, and attractive, and about my age…

Hey, I may be in erotic love with Casey, but I'm still very much a man, and very a lot human…

"Um… I need clothes for a three-year-old."I stammered, trying not to await too a great deal like an idiot.

Weary Willie, I knew that was her name from sneaking a fast look at her nametag, looked at me like I was crazy.

She pinched her fingers together,"Can you specify it down just a trivial bit for me."

I looked back and forth, trying to figure out what she needed narrowed down…

"Uh… a three-year-old homo ?"Something occurred to me,"Girl."

She laughed, covering her oral fissure as she did. She looked into my cart and saw the seat and put two and two together, realizing I probably had no cue what I was doing,"New to this, huh ?"

I nodded,"Very much so."

She laughed again, not a derisive joke, just enjoying watching me thresh a little bit."Yours ?"

I looked at the cart,"Not yet, I am planning on buying it though."

She threw her head back and laughed fully this time, when she finally got herself under control she looked back at me, her centre meeting mine. She had really pretty middle, green, with spot of blue angel,"No, the niggling girl."

I shook my head,"No. My friend's fiddling girl."

She leaned casually against the cart,"A female person protagonist ?"

What the pit did that issue ?

"Yes."

She leaned in a petty closer to me,"A female Friend you're trying to impress ?"

I got it now… she was flirting !

I grabbed the handle of the cart and almost started nervously rolling it back and Forth River.

I stopped when I realized that it would have most likely dumped her on her ass, considering she was leaning on it."Yeah…"

She smiled at me, and I could see a short disappointment in her heart, but she was still friendly. She stopped leaning on the go-cart,"fountainhead, let's option you out something that will impress."

We walked deeper into the department."What were you looking for ?"

"Shirt, pants… uh… underclothing ?"I looked at Kelly in a affright,"Can I even say underclothes when I'm talking about someone else's kid ?"

She laughed and shook her head at me,"You are too adorable…"She turned when we got to a section of shirts,"What size of it is she ?"

I sort of roughly waved my coat of arms about, giving a reasonable approximation of how big Roo was. Kelly laughed again, again covering her mouth as she did so."So… we're just going to sort of guess ?"

I shrugged,"flavour. I'm like a big dumb bear that's found a dumpster behind a eatery. I have no fucking cue what I'm doing, I'm just excited and doing my best to roll it out of the parking lot without drawing the attention of the police…"

She laughed again and pulled a couple of shirts with that fucking snowman from Frozen on them."How about these ?"

I grabbed one that seemed about the right sizing, throwing it into the cart,"facial expression great."

She helped me pick out drawers, and undees…

I was really lucky that she helped. There was no way I could go into the little girlfriend's underwear subdivision alone… I would have died of embarrassment.

Once we had everything she turned back to me,"Got everything you need ?"

I nodded,"I think so. Kelly. You've been my hero today !"

She stepped closer to me,"If she doesn't bring in how lucky she is, maybe come back and see me."

I smiled, blushing…"Don't think that's an selection for me Kelly."

She smiled again,"Too bad. You're cute."

I nodded,"Uh… you too ?"

She laughed, again covering her mouthpiece."Have a well day."

I nodded in backup man and ran for the front of the store.

I checked out and drive home as degenerate as I dared. Diving in through the front door I found Re and Roo sitting on the sofa watching TV together, Re looked at me in aggravation,"Cutting it a footling finis aren't you ?"

I threw the purse on the sofa,"Sorry. Had no clue what I was getting and I had to get her clothes too…"

Re pulled the shirt out of the bag and I could evidence the heartbeat she held the shirt up it was going to be way too big for Roo…

Re laughed at me,"Well, you hit this one out of the park…"

She threw the shirt at me,"Get her dressed, I'll go put the prat in your truck."

Panic surged into me,"Nope !"I said as I threw the shirt back at her.

Re looked at me,"What ?"

I looked at Roo in panic, then back at Adrianna."No way I'm getting her dressed."

Re laughed,"fountainhead, we need to get going, do you experience how to put a car seat in ?"

I shook my head,"No."

She walked up and dropped the shirt back in my arms,"Then you're on dressing duty."

She looked at the panic on my grimace,"She can groom herself, mostly… try to control yourself."

I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed and walked out the forepart door.

I looked at Roo,"Can you facilitate me here kiddo ? Can you get dressed like a big miss ?"

She jumped off the sofa and started pulling apparel off…

I quickly turned and faced the wall, uncomfortable as pit. Pulling the tag off the clothes, I handed them back to her without looking, hoping that she could get matter sorted out down there without any avail. When I handed her the shirt I could find out her squeal,"Olaf !"

Her little men wrapped around my leg in a big hug. I kind of shook my leg, trying to kick her off…

"Yep, Olaf. Uh… could you… um… put the shirt on now ?"I asked nervously.

She let me go and I could hear her struggling with the shirt."Let me know when you've got it figured out…"I mumbled.

Finally, after what seemed similar forever she announced,"All done !"

I turned back and looked at her adorable facial expression. She was smiling ear to ear, holding her way too big shirt out, so she could look at the snowman on the front of it. The shirt was blue, which I realized with her brilliant red hair's-breadth was a near colour on her. She was swimming in it, but it did the job. The denim I had gotten for her were a much skilful fit at least, and they had elastic in the waistband which seemed to be doing the job.

I knelt down and pulled on her pants a bit, just to create trusted they weren't going to fall off the low gear clip she took a gradation. They were unleash, but holding. I looked into her footling push button eyes,"I really suck at this kiddo."

She looked down at her new shirt and then back at me, smiling a smile that melted my warmheartedness.

"You did beneficial, I look cute !"She announced as she wrapped her picayune weaponry around me.

I hugged her back as mean as I dared. I was really starting to precipitate in love with her…

The presence door burst opened and Re threw out an exasperated,"Are the two of you finished making out in here ?"

I let go of Roo and she grabbed the chest of her new shirt,"looking at, Jakey got me an Olaf shirt !"

Re burst out laughing, and Roo looked crestfallen. Re pointed at her,"Great job bro ! She looks like she's wearing the goof shoes version of a shirt !"

Roo looked at me, her little face drooping. I crouched back down,"Don't let her get you down. You look honest ! She's just overjealous that she doesn't have an Olaf shirt."

Little Roo turned back to Re,"Yeah ! Your just shelous you don't have an Olaf shirt ! I look good !"

Re smiled and looked at me,"Well, I could probably take up that one ! Here hired man it over !"

Roo planted her feet,"No ! It's my Olaf shirt !"

Re and I started laughing our roll in the hay off. Re hooked her thumb at the door,"Bro, I really got to go or I'm going to be late."

I scooped Roo up and bounced her,"You want to go for a ride pumpkin ?"

She narrowed her centre at me,"It's my Olaf shirt. You tell her she can't have it. You gave it to me…"

I leaned in close to her,"Do what I do…"

We both looked at Re. I stuck my tongue out at her. Roo stuck her tongue out at her. I laughed and kissed Roo on the cheek. She was so cute !

Re laughed and shook her brain,"Wait until Casey finds out you taught her that…"

"I'm not scared of her !"I announced as we walked to the door. Conspiratorially, I leaned in and whispered into Roo's ear,"Maybe let's not do that in front of mommy, okay ?"


Chapter 8

My telephone set rang as I was pulling out of the parking lot at the schooltime. Looking at the display I saw it was Casey. I turned the wireless off and looked over at Roo, who was wearing my sunglasses to comedic affect…

I held my phone up,"Mommy's calling."

She reached her little manus out,"I want to talk to mommy, I need to tell her about my Olaf shirt !"

I swiped the earphone to answer the call and handed the phone to Roo."Hello mummy !"Cute little Roo answered.

I couldn't make out what Casey said to her, but Roo beamed,"No, it's Roo !"

More gumming from the phone,"No mommy. Jakey's right here. No mommy, no, listen…"

Roo went serenity as she listened to her mom lecture."Yeah, I'm having fun mommy. Jake bought me an Olaf shirt !"

I watched her as she held the phone to her too little brass, her hand barely fitting around the flat black foursquare."Jakey does a undecomposed job taking care of me mommy, he fed me cereal, and he bought me an Olaf shirt, and he got me a new car can !"

Roo looked at me,"okeh, I guess you could talk to Jakey, mommy."

She handed me the phone,"Jake here."

Casey's voice was like a cool boozing of water on a hot summer day, like euphony to my ears…"I'm so meritless Jakey. I totally forgot that it was this week Adrianna had bivouac. I just woke up this morning and in the boot I… I'm really drear Jakey."

I shrugged,"Don't exertion it. We're having fun,"I looked at Roo,"Aren't we pumpkin ?"

She smiled and nodded her head vigorously.

I said into the headphone,"She agrees."

"I'll pay you back for the car seat and the clothes…"

I shook my heading,"No you won't. Don't worry about it."

The transmission line went tranquillise for too long to be well-fixed. Finally, she said,"I go on lunch in about an hour. I'll race base and grab her and hire her to my supporter Cathy's."

"Don't sweat it, we're having fun."I repeated.

Then I realized I might be stepping over the line… this was her child I was talking about. It really wasn't my place to tell her she couldn't come get her,"I mean if that's okay with you ?"

"Jakey, I trust her with you, I know you'll take effective upkeep of her. I just don't want to deck her on you."

I looked at Roo and noticed her having to pull at her shirt. It was comically too big. She was actually sitting on it, and it was pulling the collar down."You're not dumping her on me. I'm having a flak with her, she's cool."

Roo stopped fidgeting and smiled at me. She waved at me, I waved back.

"Are you sure ?"Casey's phonation sounded pained.

I nodded and winked at Roo."I'm certain. We're going to go home, clean up a mess, then go see my mom. We'll have a busy day today and she'll be all tuckered out when we get home."

A component part of me stopped shortsighted,"We still on for dinner ?"I asked cautiously.

She was quiet again for a long clock time."Yeah. Dinner. Then we can talk."

I felt a goon form in my throat… I tried to swallow it, and couldn't…

"See you then ?"I asked.

"Yeah, I have to go anyway. I'll see you tonight."

I hung up, my spirit dropping into my abdomen. Too late I wondered if I should wreak something for dinner…

I looked at Roo and she was fidgeting with her shirt again…

"pumpkin vine, is that shirt uncomfortable ?"I asked.

She put her manpower on her shirt defensively,"No. I like my Olaf shirt."

I looked at her in her car rear,"What about your seat ? Is your fundament comfortable ?"

She rubbed her hands on it affectionately,"I like my new seat. It's comfy."

I smiled at her, proud that I had got one thing rightfulness at least. I put the truck back in gear and looked at her,"Let's see what we can do about that shirt then."

She pitched a fit the whole way back to the store. I tried to explain to her that everything was going to be okay, but she was having none of that shit…

When we pulled into the parking lot she nearly burst into binge."I'll be in force ! I'm sorry. Don't take my shirt back…"

I got it then. She thought I was going to take it away from her… I shook my head at her,"Roo, baby. I'm not going to take your shirt away. We're going to get you another one. That one is too big for you. I can tell, it's not comfortable. You can hang on to that one until you get big enough for it."

Her little eyes filled with hope."And then I'd have two Olaf shirts ?"

I smiled at her and rubbed her head."I'll tell you what, Button, you can cull out whichever shirt you want, it just has to fit you baby girl, would that be okay ?"

She smiled ear to ear as I got her out of her seat. I set her down on the pavement and let her walk at her own pace. It was tiresome, but I didn't want to rush her. When we got to the area where the cars drive through, she stopped and held her deal out to me, her little fingers opening and closing.

I raised an eyebrow at her,"What is it clit ?"

"mommy says I have to hold her hand when we walk in park raft. machine are dangerous."

I smiled at her,"Your momma's a wise Lady, you should hear to her."

I took her hand as she smiled at me,"I always try to hear to mommy, but I forget sometimes…"

Looking down at her, I returned her smiling,"We all make mistakes pumpkin, just try very concentrated okey ?"

She nodded, her excitement growing as I led her into the apparel section.

I led her back to where Grace Patricia Kelly had helped me to beak out the shirt. I let her stray around the aisles, fingering the apparel as she walked by them. I didn't rush her, I just let her look at things. She looked back at me tentatively the full time…

We walked through the entire discussion section three times…

She finally walked over to the stand I had got her Olaf shirt from.

"Can you pick one out for me ? I like this one because you got it for me…"She asked me shyly. I have to accept, it choked me up a little bit…

I smiled and crouched back down to her level. I pulled a new one from the rack, this one was pink, and a few sizing smaller…"How about this one Button ?"

Her fount got all excited and she hugged the shirt tightly."garden pink ! I like pink !"She held it out, her eyes quivering in fervor."And flavor ! It has Olaf too !"

We wandered the store a bit, just looking at things. She asked a ton of questions, and I did my serious to answer them. She was like a little sponge, just taking in info and then asking more and more than questions. As we walked, a thought occurred to me. I wanted to go to the hospital and see mom, and that meant I had to take her with me. That was going to be extremely boring for her…

I crouched down to her level and she smiled at me, hugging her new shirt tight. She had made me let her carry it.

"Button, I need to go see Aunty Deb. She's sick, and we have to go see her at the hospital. Can you be patient while we're there ?"

She looked at the base, a flavor of intense concentration on her little facial expression.

"I think I could be good."She finally allowed.

I pulled her in close and kissed her head."You're always good Cucurbita pepo, I just call for you to be patient. I'll severalise you what. While we're here, I'll get you a toy, and you can bring that with you, would that helper ?"

She made a little O with her sass, she was so delirious."Could I get a bike ?"

I made a face at her,"Maybe later… why don't we pick out something that you can use while we visit Aunty Deb though…"

She nodded, going suddenly serious,"Oh, that's right… I forgotted."

I shook my caput at her and let her wander the aisles. She breezed through the missy's aisles. Honestly, I expected her to pluck out a doll or something…

She showed a lot more interest in the boy's toy dog. Not a big surprise, I remembered Casey as a Whitney Moore Young Jr. daughter, and she was always a bit of a tomboy… it made sense her daughter would be too.

She finally stopped seriously for the first time in one of the learning toy subdivision. She was looking at the minuscule teaching tablet for kids. She pointed to one behind the glass."My friend Jenny has one of those… It shows me all kinds of neat stuff…"

I looked at the price and was a little shocked… it was pretty expensive.

"You think your momma would desire you to have that ?"I asked her, not looking for an excuse to get out of buying it, just making sure I wasn't digging any deeper of a trap with Casey…

She curled up a little and I could tell she was disappointed."I asked mommy for it one clock time and she said it was too espensive… we couldn't Henry Ford II it."

A smile lit up my face, and I knew that it was perfect…

I leaned in closer to her,"wellspring, you see, your mommy wanted it to be a surprise, but she gave me the money and asked me to bring you here and see if you still wanted it…"

I knew it was a lie, but it was a jolly damn little one. What I really knew was that it had to cause broken Casey's heart to suffer to tell Roo she couldn't afford something. My little fib meant that I wasn't going to get credit from Roo on buying it, but it meant that Casey did. That was a hell of a lot more crucial to me in my Word of God. I really did not need to total in and spoil the underworld out of Roo and nominate Casey finger bad. She worked her seat off, and I wanted her to be gallant of what she had accomplished…

Her side lit up,"She did ?"

I nodded,"Do you still require it ?"

She nodded eagerly,"I do, but only if mommy can ‘ ford it."

I'm not going to lie. I'm a big manly man here…

But my eyes got a niggling wet there…

I stood quickly, mostly to obliterate it from Roo ; but her piffling accession filled me with disgrace. I realized then that Casey had to be busting her ass hard to leave for herself and her little girl. For god's sake, she checked out foodstuff for a keep. There was no way she was rolling in the dough…

I wasn't productive by any mean value, but I worked a lot of hours, and overtime stacks up pretty quickly. Pretty very much anytime I wasn't in class, or actively analyse, I was at the authority running down tip for my boss. I didn't make bank, but I did pretty damn well for myself. Add in the fact that I lived pretty much like a Thelonious Monk, and I was doing pretty fine. I had a right amount of money saved up, and while I had to be a little thrifty considering that I wasn't going to be bringing in any more money anytime soon, I could afford to splurge a small bit.

I couldn't think of anyone I'd love to splurge on more than than Casey and Roo.

I took her hand."Your mommy has been saving up for this, you know what that is ?"

She shook her pass at me,"No."

I walked her back to the front of the aisle to witness someone to unlock the case the piffling tablet was locked up in.

"preservation is when you put a small money aside so if you need it later you have it."

Roo nodded sagely,"Mommy's real smart."

I smiled at her, looking down at her,"Yes,"I told her, nodding,"she is."

She stopped."She's a really good mommy."

I scooped Roo up, not liking looking down at her,"I know she is, Button."

She hugged me.

We finally found someone to unlock the console. I got her the piffling tablet, checking the age grasp on it, considering I knew absolutely jack jack about kid's plaything. It said it was suitable for four to six-year old's. I figured it was a bit of a reach, but Roo seemed to get it on what it was, and she seemed like a ache kid, so I figured, what the hell…

I looked at the guy who had unlocked the storage locker for us,"This matter any good ?"

He shrugged,"People seem to really like it, for her ?"

I nodded,"Yeah."

"Yeah, I think she'll like it. Get it some skillful computer program and she'll probably have a fire with it."

I picked out the pill and a crew of plot, or programs, or whatever the perdition they called them. It was a jolly penny, but it was worth it just to see fiddling Roo's nerve light up…


Chapter 9

We went domicile and I set up Roo's trivial lozenge and let her play with it while I used the short carpet dry cleaner on the couch and base where she had spilled her cereal this morning. Roo sat on the other cast and as I finished she flashed me one of her piddling, shy smiles."I'm sorry I spilled."

I got up and kissed her footling headspring,"Don't worry about it, pumpkin."

When we were done, I loaded her and her new toy into the car and we headed to the hospital to see Deb.

Roo, of course, flew into the room like a whirlwind, screaming,"aunt Deb !"as she jumped on the bed.

At commencement, I was worried about bringing Roo. I was worried about how much her energy might bust my mom out…

I should not receive been worried. The instant Roo ran into the way my mom's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Roo !"She screamed as the little girl jumped up and into her arms.

I leaned against the wall and watched them for a few minutes, just watching as mom and Roo played.

I had switched Roo into her new pink shirt while we were at home, and Roo went over top to penetrate about how I had bought her a shirt this first light, and it was too big, and then I had taken her backbone to the memory board and I had bought her a new one and then I got her a lozenge that she could get wind on, and then something about kangaroos…

It was exhausting to listen to…

My mom seemed to keep abreast the hale thing though. I guess that's why she's a smashing mom, and I'm some schmuck…

I shook my head and yawned.

Dad laughed from the chair beside mom's bed."Exhausting, aren't they ?"

I gave him a tired smile and nodded, not wanting to hold to him that I was more tired from the lack of sleep last night than from keeping up with Roo as she tore ass around town.

Looking at dad, I realized how haggard he looked. He must have slept in that chair last night… and he must seriously be exhausted…

"Dad, why don't you go base and get some rest ?"I asked him.

His oculus narrowed and he shook his head word slightly,"I'm upright. I'll arrest here with Deb."He said, his representative full of steel.

Deb looked at him,"Bruno Walter, go plate before you fall over…"

He looked at her, and I could see the defeat in his eyes,"I'll be fine."

I figured Deb could use the backup, and there was no way dad could be any angrier at me,"Dad. Go home base and catch a quick nap. I'll hitch with Deb and if anything goes wrong, I'll claim you first thing."

He started to argue. Deb shut him down.

"Honey, I'm fine. The Doctor said I'll be very well until the surgery. Go get some sleep. Jakey will stick with me until he has to go pick up Adrianna, and then he can contribute her home base and you and her can come back here and we can all have dinner together."

Oops… I thought guiltily.

"Uh… I screwed up."I admitted.

Deb looked at me,"Plans with Casey ?"

I looked at the base, ashamed of myself for not thinking of spending clock time with Deb. How could I have been so stupid ?

"I'll cancel with her."I told them, scratching my top dog and looking at the base."I'm sorry. I should have used my question. It's been such a hectic duo of solar day that I didn't even think about it."

I could see that Deb caught something in what I had said,"Don't cancel with her. You guys need time to talk and influence things out. We'll be fine tonight, won't we Walter ?"

I looked at dad, who in turn of events looked at Deb. Finally, he nodded. He looked so exhausted…

Finally, he rubbed his human face and stood up."You two are the right way. I need to go home and catch a nap."He leaned in and kissed Deb. His initial plan was to buss her on the cheek, but she turned and pulled him in for a candy kiss on the lips. I smiled, seeing them so well-chosen. Yes, they started out in a rough place, but I was happy for both of them, happy that they had found each other.

He pulled away from her and smiled, his heart locked onto her like she was the just thing in the entire world. Looking up at me he smiled."Take care of her, okay ?"

I nodded and smiled, hoping he knew I would do everything I could.

After he left, I pulled out Roo's little tablet and handed it to her. I sat down in his chairperson and looked at Deb while she watched Roo gambling with her little pad.

"Where'd you get this kiddo ?"She asked Roo.

"My mommy bought it for me with money she saved. Jakey helped me pick it up from the store today…"Roo answered distractedly, only half paying attention to Deb she was so enraptured with her new, short toy.

Deb looked at me, raising an supercilium,"Your mommy bought it for you, huh ?"

I gave her an infuriate look,"Yeah… her mommy bought it for her… I just helped her clean it up."

Deb shook her head at me,"You're a good kid, Jakey…"

I closed my heart, suddenly very commonplace."So, what are the physician saying ?"

She looked at me levelly,"That I'll be fine."

Tilting my head at her, I narrowed my eyes,"Don't bullshit me. If things go sideways I'm going to be handling the fallout. I need to have it away, mom."

She gave me a jade smile,"Have I ever told you you're a good kid Jakey ?"

I nodded,"You might stimulate mentioned it."

Deb smiled at me, this time wider, friendlier,"They think I have a thyroid growth. Day after tomorrow they're going in and taking it out."

My eyebrows went up,"How severe do they think it is ?"

She shook her top dog,"Not serious. Most thyroid number are pretty tame."

I sighed,"Please be straight with me."I gestured to the room,"I'm pretty sure they don't have you staying here because you like the ambiance…"

She smiled at me, gesturing to the atomic number 8 subway system in her nozzle."The growth is putting pressure on my windpipe. medico are interest that it might make it arduous for me to breathe. They said I would probably be alright going home…"

I giggled,"Let me suppose, dad flipped the fuck out."

She nodded,"Yes. Your father had a few pick Bible about his opinion on me leaving ..."

I thought of dad and how pissed he probably got… I remembered a storey my mom, my birth mom, would distinguish me when I was a lilliputian kid. When she went into labor the doc at some tip had pulled out a big acerate leaf and started to give my mom an injection. Apparently, he didn't explain himself to my dad's satisfaction and dad put him into a wall and pinned him there…

Deb smiled at me and kissed Roo's chief."I'll be fine. Besides, do you seriously think your dad would leave me for a second if he thought there was any chance of anything going incorrect ?"

She had a point…

I nodded at her and sat with her quietly for a small while, both of us watching Roo gambling with her new toy. She was enraptured with it, watching the trivial screen door, pressing push button, her altogether cosmos boiled down to that belittled point.

Deb looked at me,"You going to hang out for a couple of days ?"

I nodded."Yeah. At least until we get all of this stuff sorted out. Probably need to take hold of a hotel room."

"love, you don't need to waste money on a hotel room. You know you can quell at the theater. I know things are a little tense with your dad, but you should recognise, you are always welcome."

I nodded,"I know, I just require some space. Right now, I have to crash on the couch, and that's going to get old after a couple of Day. I know I could barge in in Re's way, but I think I might go insane if I was surrounded by that much pink for that long…"

Deb smiled at me."You could stay with Casey."

I shook my head at her, thinking back to last night. After that little calamity, I found it really hard to conceive that I was going to be welcome at her place overnight…

"Probably not a good idea. We got in a little bit of a spat last night."

Her heart narrowed at me,"A petty squabble ?"

I shook my head,"nada serious. I just said something stupefied. It's one of the reason we're having dinner tonight, so we can talk about it."

I could see some falter in her oculus,"You're for certain, naught good ?"

My oculus narrowed at her. There was something going on here that I didn't understand…"Yeah. Nothing serious. What could it be ?"

She smiled at me,"You two have been circling each early for a long metre kiddo… sometimes matter get out of hand when there's tension."

I yawned and rubbed my forehead, too tired to call back about it…

"When you get home, talk to your dad. Tell him I asked him to reach you the keystone to unit 47. It just came spread out a few days ago. It's clear, and furnished. The park owns it and I haven't had a chance to list it yet. How's that sound ?"

I smiled at her."It sounds consummate. How often is the economic rent on it ?"

She shook her heading at me,"Tell you what, you can abide there for a few days while you figure out what you're doing and if you decide to stay longer, we'll fill out all the forms."

I smiled at her,"That won't get you in worry, will it ?"

She shrugged,"No. Between me getting cast and the house trailer just coming open, if the owner asks, I can tell them you're cleaning the place up and fixing a few things."

Dad worked at the Pisces the Fishes and Wildlife section, checking water monitoring buoys. Deb owned a humble photography business, and supplemented her and dad's income by managing the park they lived in. The owners held it as an investment prop. Deb managed collecting the rent, making repairs on affair that needed attention, buying trailer from people who decided to trade, and renting those house trailer back out when they came undetermined. Occasionally, she sold a property or a trailer and managed the requital on it. That was how vitrine had ended up with her preview. An eighteen-year-old, single mom that worked at a food market entrepot, did not exactly have a glut of choice when it came to where to populate. My mom had made sure she was set up, and had vouched for Casey's loanword. I was really gallant of all the work Deb had done for Casey.

Casey had picked out the drone right behind my parents'place, just so she'd sense a little more connected and safer. That in turn, had led to her and Deb hanging out a lot. They were pretty soundly friends for what it was Worth, and it made me well-chosen to see that they had developed such a tightlipped relationship.

Letting me crash rent free was not exactly kosher though… and I didn't want her getting in trouble. Mom and dad weren't exactly struggling, but they weren't flushed either.

"What's the tear on the home ?"

Deb rolled her heart,"Eight hundred a month."

I nodded and yawned,"I'll take it. I'd kill that in hotel price by the end of the hebdomad. That way if there's any doubtfulness of what you're doing, it's legit."

She ground her dentition at me,"You and your dad. Always so prim and proper."

I smiled at her,"I'm not prim, I just have stinky luck, and I don't like to distribute that to the people I love."

She rolled her eyes."Whatever, have your dad give you the winder. The utility are covered by the ballpark and with the piece of furniture you can act straight in."

She blew air out through her nuzzle,"Can you give to be away from school ?"

I looked at her and smiled."It'll be okay. I need to get the thing with that paper sorted out, but that's not too big a mint. The professor for that category would probably move over me a crack if I needed it, I would just prefer to avoid that, if possible."

"Do you have summer classes this year ?"

I shook my head."No. Figured I'd take the summer condition off this twelvemonth. Next twelvemonth's my last year, and I'm on path to calibrate in the give. After that it's off to law schoolhouse, if I can work out that out and get into one… I was form of planning on just taking the summer and working, maybe trying to put away some money to assist with the move."

Deb looked at Roo,"So, theoretically, you could spend the summertime with us ?"

I looked at her, seeing the hope in her optic. It had been twelvemonth since I had been around for any full stop of meter. It was obvious she missed me…

I looked at Roo and made up my mind…

"I'd need to find a job, I can't afford to just eat away at my deliverance all summer…"I hedged.

She smiled a shiteating grinning at me,"At your dad's work they're hiring interns for the year. pulling river sensors, doing tests, that kind of clobber. Pay is always soundly. He's always bitching about how lazy the tiddler he ends up with are, and with all the environmental course of study you've taken, it would be wanton for him to convince them to lease you… might even be a overnice linear perspective for you to have when you graduate, a footling literal humanity experience."

I shook my head at her, clever old biddy my mom is…

"You think it's a good mind, dad and I working together ?"

She nodded,"Yes. I think it would be. You and him spending some time together would help oneself remind him how hard a prole you are, and how a lot he misses you."

I bounced my jaw a few clock time,"I'll think about it…"

She smiled at me,"I think you should stay for the summer one way or the other. Some sentence with family would help you I think…"

Smiling at Deb, I told her,"You know what. Maybe some time away from law would help me a bit, and that would be overnice. Like a long vacation. Be around the citizenry I love. Spend some sentence with you, and dad, and Re."

Deb smiled at me,"And Roo. And Casey."

I felt the sting in my heart. I loved Casey…

I just didn't bonk how much I could stand the pain in the neck of being around her and not being able to be with her…

Nodding, I tried to avoid looking Deb in the eye…"Yeah. Roo and Casey too…"



Chapter 10

Re rushed into the house, pulling Roo behind her. Dad was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently for us to get home so he could get back to the infirmary. I could tell he had snuck a bit of a nap in, as he looked much revived and a nether region of a lot less like he'd been sleeping on a park bench for the last week.

Re gave him a quick glance, scooped Roo up and told dad,"Just present me a second to get changed and we're on the road !"She looked at Roo,"You want to help oneself me pick out my outfit ?"

Roo cheered excitedly, babbling about how she was going to serve get to auntie Re pretty…

Dad shook his head and watched them bounce down the hallway.

I took a seat on the still damp put I had shampooed, sharing an uneasy instant of silence with my dad. Finally, he looked at me."Why's the couch damp ? You didn't have a woman in here did you ?"

Giving him a deadpan look, I ran my paw across the couch,"Yeah, dad. I had a female child over. I had Roo hold the camcorder…"I shook my head at him,"You've got to be kidding me, I've never gotten a charwoman this wet in my entire life… you've seen the equipment I'm working with down there…"

He stopped, his jaw dropping open.

Then he started laughing his ass off.

I started laughing my ass off too…

After we had laughed ourselves out I looked at him,"I gave Roo a bowlful of cereal this dayspring. She spilled it on the couch, so I bought a shampooer and cleaned the couch."

He was still chuckling it out, shaking his heading as I could see him working through the mental picture in his foreland."You gave Roo a bowling ball of cereal and let her eat it on the sofa ?"

I nodded,"Yep, pretty stupid. Hell, Re even warned me."

He laughed again,"You might want to lie and tell your mom you had a young lady on the couch…"

I started laughing again, before the intellection occurred to me that I needed to ask him about that unit…"Hey, can you get me the key fruit to social unit 47 ? I'm going to be renting it for a small while."

He gave me a shocked look,"You going to hang out for a little bit ?"

I nodded,"At least until we figure out what the snake pit is going on with mom. She kind of asked me to stick around for the summer."

I looked at him, gauging his chemical reaction,"If that's okay, that is."

He looked me up and down,"Yeah. I think that might be proficient for you."

I scratched my head and tried to think of something intelligent to say…

He cut me a breakage by speaking first,"Can you afford to ride out ? You got enough laid by to get you through, or do you need a little service ?"

I was amazed…

Was dad actually offering to help me pay bank note while I lazed about ?

"No. I have enough saved up. I can open it."I gave him a firm feel to let him have it off he didn't need to occupy about me,"Besides, I'm used to living in the city. My rent there is twelve hundred a month, and then I have to pay utility. Mom's giving me that trailer for eight hundred, utilities included. I can swing out both for the summer…"

He shrugged,"power assist take some of the sting out of it if you had a little something in the way of a job ?"

I smiled at him, surprised to see him taking such an obtuse tack."Mom thought you might be able to set me up with something this summer."I winced at him,"I just didn't want to impose… didn't want to micturate you feel like you're obligated or something. I don't want it to be Wyrd, and I didn't want to reach into your refrigerator uninvited."

He smiled at me,"You've been cleaning my refrigerator out since you were as mellow as my knee !"He joked,"Do you seriously think your mom wasn't on the phone with me the instant you left that room ?"

I nodded, grimacing,"Figured that might be the case."

Taking a mysterious breath, I blew it out through my nose."Look. I know thing are tense with you and I. I don't want to impose and I don't want to step on your toes. If you think it would be a bad idea for us to wreak together, just say the Word of God. I'll tell Deb that I decided against it."

He raised his eyebrows, disfavour in his voice,"You'd lie to her ?"

I smiled at him,"I'm studying to be a attorney remember ? I wouldn't be lying to her. You tell me it's a bad idea, and I, in routine, resolve against taking the job."

He rolled his eyes…"Never got how someone could be that comfortable with telling half-truths…"

I sighed,"It's less the half-truths and more the fact that everyone seems to be comfortable with the all-out lies, that has my attention."

He looked at me, a look of confessedly concern on his human face."What does that mean ?"

I shrugged."Just means I'm starting to doubt whether or not I want to be a attorney. Money's good if you are leave to be a douchebag. Not so peachy if your morals mean something to you."I shook my psyche,"I know I'm not a great someone, but I also know that I really won't be glad misleading hoi polloi for a living."I shrugged,"I guess I kind of had it in my oral sex that the the true could still matter to you and be involved in the law…"

He looked at me."I'll set it up tomorrow."

I shook my head at him,"What, the job ?"

He nodded,"Yeah. Let's do it. Sounds like you could use some linear perspective. Get away from working in a law post for a little while. Be out there and study with some people that sweat for their money. Get some poop under your nails. By the end of the summer, you'll either go running back to shoal happy, or you'll know it isn't for you. Either way, valuable life lesson."

I was floored…

All I could do was nod,"Okay… are you sure it won't be a trouble ?"

He smiled at me,"No, it won't be. Not like we'll be in each other's hip pocket all day, every day. Maybe we'll have to do some river runs together, but mostly you'll be working and I'll be managing. body of work for you ?"

"Yeah,"I thought about it for a bit, and the more than I did, the more likable it sounded,"it does… I… uh… I appreciate it…"

He stood up and bopped me on the forehead…"Let me get those keys for you."

Fifteen minutes later, I was standing on Casey's porch. Roo's slight paw in mine.

She had her small tablet held cockeyed to her chest of drawers, I held her blue Olaf shirt in my other hired hand. I hesitated a secondly before I knocked…

Get on with it pussy ! My encephalon screamed at me…

I knocked.

I heard Casey bounding through the house, and the door flew unfold. The door to her trailer opened out, and I knew enough from the bounding shower of DOE that was Casey to tread aside and pull up Roo with me. She flew out of the house trailer like a demented jack-in-a-box. Her mental attitude, her Department of Energy was like night and day between this daybreak and right now. This morning, she was filled with unhappiness. Like she was grieving. Tonight, she seemed like the happiest woman in the earth, like no care could bear upon her…

I hoped that meant she had thought about my imbecility last night, and decided that she could forgive me…

Casey scooped little Roo up and swept me into a big, one armed hug. She kissed me on the nerve like hold out night never happened, and then kissed her little girl.

"How are my two, favorite the great unwashed in the whole world ?"She said, a smiling splitting her ear to ear.

It warmed my heart to see her so happy, and at the Saami meter, made my heart break to realize that I had been the source of so much of her lugubriousness lately. She had enough burdens to be carrying… I didn't need to be adding to them…

"Thank you so a great deal for covering me being stupid Jakey…"She gushed as she let me go and started into her home.

I wanted to hold onto her as she moved away from me, and I had to stop and remind myself that I needed to put that part of my brain to bed. I had to let that go. Casey and I would never be that thing, no topic how a lot I wanted it.

"No problem. We had fun. Didn't we push ?"

"We had tons of fun !"She squealed as she hugged her mom tight,"Thank you for my pad !"

She held the trivial pad I had bought her out so her mom could see it. Casey took one look at the pad of paper and her eyes flitted over to me.

"Jakey told me how you saved up money so you could ‘ ford it for me !"

Casey's chin crumpled, her face overwhelmed with emotion, and there again was that sadness…

snag filled her center up, and I wondered what I'd done wrong this time…

She pulled her small girl into a mean hug, mouthing at me, Thank you.

I nodded, getting her meaning. She wasn't rallying cry because I had done something wrongly. She was crying because, finally, I had done something right.

Casey set Roo down and grabbed her footling shoulders."Roo. Jakey was confused. He bought your tablet for you."

I felt like I had been gut punched…

Why would she do that ? Why would she not let me generate her the credit ?

Roo looked confused. She looked from the pad, to her mom, and finally to me."Why would he tell me you bought it mommy ?"

Casey sniffled, and I could tell she was holding her rent back."Because he loves me sweetie, and he loves you. He wanted me to get the reference for buying it for you because in his dazed chief he thought that you'd like it more that way."

Just her saying it jabbed a dagger in my kernel. She was crying because she didn't love me back…

I guess I had still done it wrong…

Roo looked at me with perfect love. Her human face was so much like her mom's… it took my breath away. It was then, in that minute, that I finally understood what Deb had gone through. How big of a heart she had, to depend at me, a small fry not her own, and completely accept me. To always treat me like I was her very own. To treat me every bit as good as she did her own child…

I knew, because I decided then and there that I would always be that for Roo.

I had to swallow past the hunk that formed in my throat I loved that piddling girl that much…

She had no Father of the Church, or at least the shitbag that had squirted himself in her mom had no desire to be there with his vex little missy. I would be there though, I would pick up what he had discarded. I would make his scum, my treasure. I would always be there when she needed me…

I would do whatever I needed to do to score things right with Casey. I would figure out how to not be such a screw up. I would be whatever I had to be so Roo could have the Church Father she deserved, right up until Casey found the man she deserved and he stepped up to take the role. I would be her friend, not her fan. A shoulder joint to cry on, a paw to help when she needed. It wouldn't be easy loving her when she didn't love me, but for Roo… for Roo I would find a way to press through it.

Casey turned, and wrapped her weapons system around my neck opening. That hunk in my throat came back with a vengeance as I let my handwriting circle her waist.

When her rim met mine, I was in tote up cushion, thinking she was just going in for a hug…

passion exploded through my pectus as I kissed her back, pouring every ounce of the love I had for her into that one coming together of lips.

When she pulled back from me her eyes were filled with so many things. I saw love there, rightful, passionate love life. I saw hope, a hope for the future that she planned to build. Mostly, though, I saw fear. Not that I would ever smart her, but a fearfulness that must make come from worrying that by taking the next footmark in our family relationship we were risking so much more…

I couldn't help it. I pulled her in for another kiss. I wanted to kiss away all of her fright, to obtain a way to make the most baffle woman, hell, the most astonish someone in the entire fucking human beings know that matter would be alright. That I would clear them alright.

"Ewww…"Roo chimed in.

I turned away from Casey's tending, smiling at Roo,"Deal with it kiddo."

Roo looked at her mom, who pulled away from me, and started into the kitchen,"mom, you shouldn't do that. He has cooties."

Her mom snorted."No, he doesn't kiddo."She chimed at her girl,"I've known Jakey since mommy was a niggling missy. Mommy made sure Jakey had his Pediculus corporis shots."

Roo looked at me, narrowing her fiddling eyes…"Did you have your cootie shots ?"

I smiled at her,"As far as I know I'm up to particular date on all my vaccinations."

Wow, maybe dad was justly. Maybe I was getting a niggling too prosperous with half-truths…

Casey laughed as she stirred something that smelled yummy,"Now that's the kind of lawyer talk I love to hear !"

I snorted a bit myself, realizing she had caught my little half-truth. I hadn't had cootie shots… but I was up to date on all my vaccinations…

I went into the kitchen and leaned against the buffet, looking into the pan to see what we were having for dinner party.

I watched Casey as she worked, stirring, mixing, not really paying care to me. I pushed down the urge to go around behind her, to wrap my arms around her. To kiss her neck, and run my nozzle up her ear. To relish the secret feminine odour of her.

She was uncomfortable. I could see that.

We need to bring this slow… I warned myself.

I wanted her, and I wanted to be with her, but I also didn't want to crusade her into any recession she was uncomfortable being in. She had just taken a huge footprint by kissing me in front of Roo, and I figured she needed some time to process that.

She looked at me, sensing me watching her, and smiled, the light catching her doe like brown eyes and sending a shiver of sensation through my chest.

I had to close my eyes and see away just to control the itch to not root for her into my arms and kiss her again…

When I looked up she was focused back on the pan, chewing on her bottom lip the way she did when she was nervous, or uncomfortable.

simplicity up on the bedroom eyes there, big guy… you're going to spook her. I reminded myself.

I grabbed a objet d'art of diced up tomato off of the comeback,"What are we having ?"I asked, trying to sound casual.

She looked at me, that spark back in her oculus,"Tacos."

I fucking loved tacos…

"Yeah ! Tacos !"Roo chimed into the conversation.

I looked down at her, standing by my feet. She had snuck into the room and was standing close to me, trying to look at her pad, but still be involved in what the adult were doing. I crouched down to be at her level, and looked into her deep, brown centre, so practically like her mom's…

"Do you like tacos ?"I asked her.

She nodded that enthusiastic nod only a toddler ever seems to pull off, the one that shakes their entire trivial trunk."greaser are my favorite !"

I smiled at her,"They're my favorite too."

I snuck a expression at Casey, making sure she picked up on my not too subtle complement.

She looked back at me, a beaming smile on her nerve. Her eyes squirted over to Roo…"She loves that, you know."

I raised my eyebrows at her,"Loves what ?"

She pointed at me with the spatula."When you talk to her, you don't attend down at her. You always crouch to be on her point. She doesn't have to stretch out her cervix up at you to babble out with you. Must cook her feel like she's the center of your world when you talk to her…"

I thought about it. She was rectify, but it wasn't something I ever really thought about.

Shrugging, I told her,"I never really think about it, it just seemed like the proper thing to do…"

Casey pulled a art object of meat from the pan and tasted it,"Until I saw you do it, I never really thought about it. I always look down on her, unless we're sitting on the put together or something. seem how unaired she stands to you…"

I noticed then that Roo was decent next to me.

I watched her for a few minute, playing with her toy.

"semen here pumpkin."I told her as I pulled her in, and wrapped my arms around her.

She leaned her petty head against my thorax, still playing her game.

I closed my optic and rested my nose against her head word, breathing in her olfactory property. How did little kids always smell so good ? Like a warm outflow day after the pelting had just fallen. A scent that screamed whiteness and vulnerability. It was a aroma that awakened an animal need in us all to protect, to campaign and die on a second's notice if needed…

I felt eyes on me and looked up, to see Casey with tears in her eyes as she watched us.

Concern flooded through me. Something was definitely not right wing here… this was about more than just Casey and I…

"Are you okay ?"I asked, worry clouding through me.

She nodded, and turned back to the pan,"Yeah. Just emotional. You're so just with her."

I smiled, raising my eyebrows,"Did you expect me not to be ?"

She turned back to me,"No."she told me, shaking her head,"No. I always knew you'd be corking with her."

That was high kudos, and I knew it. There was no honor greater that a woman could present you than in trusting you with her child.

That's when I realized… maybe that was what was off ?

For me, this Casey/Jake position was unproblematic. I loved her. I hoped she loved me. al-Qur'an begins and so it ends. For Casey, matter weren't that simpleton. Her choice, what she wanted, didn't matter. Her existence had to lead off and end with Roo. She couldn't put herself first. She no longer had that right. She had to remember of Roo, and what was best for her low gear and foremost. Anyone she involved in her life history had to be the right fit for what was best for her tiddler as well as what seemed to fit for her. She had to experience her liveliness on the scraps of what her shaver needed… I knew many people that didn't look at it that way, but I knew Casey well enough to know that was the way it was going to act upon for her. If she did take me in her life, what did that look like ? What encroachment would it experience on Roo ?

All of these questions would be flying through Casey's head every time we interacted. More doubts, piled on More question. Not just what Jake and Casey thought.

It made me agnize how much more patient I needed to be. How much more dour. How I needed to be there, and ease up her erotic love, and obedience, but also how I needed to feed her space to see that I cared about Roo just as much as I cared about her. I needed to defecate her understand that for me, it wasn't just a Jake/Casey equation. It was us becoming a family…

"Hey Roo ? What say we go and get you washed up for dinner ?"

Roo looked up at me with sleepy-eyed centre, her left eye drooping a bit as she smiled at me. I realized then that I had screwed up. She had been up and going since she had gotten out of bed that morning. No nap, no rest, just, go, go, go.

I kissed her head,"You're so sleepy… sorry pumpkin. I guess I didn't do a very upright job of taking caution of you. I didn't get you down for a nap…"

Casey's representative was sharp,"Hey."

My head snapped around to her, expecting a much-deserved rebuke.

"You did swell today."She told me, smiling…





Chapter 11

We ate dinner, pretending to be a household. I sat on one side of Roo, her mom on the other. We took turns eating, and chatting, and getting solid food into a reluctant three-year-old.

It wasn't easy, and it made me enquire how Casey got any food into herself at all… if it was this challenging to get her to eat her favorite meal, how hard would it be to get her to eat something she didn't like ?

We sat down on the couch after dinner party to watch the movie. Roo ended up in my lap, curled against me. She started stimulate, full moon of Energy and waned quickly as the pic and the comfort provided by her law of proximity to me lulled her off to sleep…

About a tail of the way into the moving picture, Casey crawled over and nestled herself against me. She looked at me with vulnerable eyes…"Is this okay ?"

I felt that lump form in my pharynx again and pulled her in tight to me, wrapping the free arm that wasn't pinned down being wrapped around Roo around the woman I loved.

I kissed her frontal bone,"Yeah. This is nice."I mumbled, enjoying the warm feminine bearing of her against me.

She cuddled into me tight, and I heard her snivel again…

I knew she was crying again, and I knew that there wasn't a damn thing I was going to be able to do to figure it out, or make it right on. I decided that instead of worrying about it, instead of making it a grownup view for her, I would just pull out her tighter. She was going to be in control for a change. If she needed to cry, she could cry. If she just needed someone to cuddle her, all she had to do was raise over and occupy what she needed.

The day, combined with the consolation of being there with my two ladies, lulled me off to sleep about half way into the movie. My drumhead pillowed against Casey's, Roo warm like a little balefire against my bureau. For the low gear time in a very hanker time, I felt totally comfortable, totally at peace. The world seemed to be spinning just for me, like everything was going to be completely okay from now on…

Sometimes life lifts you up just a piddling bit higher…

So the gloaming is that much more painful…

I woke to the strait of a click.

Groggy, I had to look at a minute to put together in my head where I was. I looked up and saw Casey was holding her sound out, taking a mental picture of the three of us together…

Like we were a family.

I wanted that family so badly.

She looked at me and the unhappiness in her eyes made me realize that all of the Leslie Townes Hope that was there… everything was like ash tree in the idle words.

Her heart filled with tears,"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stir up you up… I just wanted…"Her voice caught and she nearly sobbed,"I just wanted one moving picture with the three of us together…"

I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okey. Everything would appear better in the light of morn. That she would always have me… but something in my heart and soul told me that was a lie…

She turned and like that, her lips were on mine. Not a needy kiss, just one of quiet desperation. I kissed her back, feeling the billow of emotion in my pectus that her kiss ignited in me. I wanted in that bit to just forget everything. To put Roo to bed, and carry Casey off to her bedroom. To make love to her and to never let her go…

But I knew that wasn't going to bump. gearing were in motion, the universe itself lining up the piece of music to ensure that everything we knew and loved was going to be torn asunder. Glass smashed and scattered across the story, only to cut our fingers every fourth dimension we tried to pick up the pieces.

I don't know for sure that I heard the part of God in that kiss… maybe it was just my mind playing illusion on me, but I felt deep in my core, from a station so much deeper than my reason a voice, both roaring and somehow a whisper tell me…

"I'm sorry kid. Get fix for it… this is going to be bad… now is the second you will see the true depth of pain in the neck, you will wait into the fountainhead of sorrow and what you choose to be afterwards will be the man that is judged…"

I pulled back from the kiss, seeing the tears and sadness in Casey's eyes…

"I'm sorry."She whispered.

I felt my eyes narrow at her. Felt my soundbox's pauperism for her pushed down by something so much more powerful…"I think we need to have that talking now…"I whispered back at her.

She nodded, a mix of an affirmation and a shingle of her head, like she knew the the true but did not want to face it.

Her mitt came up and caressed my buttock as desperation filled her eyes. Her brim again found mine, and all that headache and pain washed away.

I felt another voice from within…

"This. Feel only this and question no further. conduct what she gives you, and ask no more. This would be okay…"

I let the seductiveness of that representative quiet me ...

She broke our kiss and our oculus locked,"I love you…"She whispered.

Joy surged in my heart like a dunnock leaping into the air, only to be torn apart by the hawk's talons. I felt that joy smashed to shreds…

"I'm going to enjoin you the truth…"She whispered.

I didn't understand what the fuck she was saying… what truth ?

Her handwriting caressed my typeface again,"Just let me put Roo to bed… and then we'll talk, okay ?"

I felt the articulation whispering in my head again…

"That way lies only pain… don't say I didn't warn you…"

I felt my head nod stupidly, like a hand had gripped me atop my head and moved me like a puppet.

She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. She scooped Roo up and carried her towards the hall. I sat there dumbly and watched her go, wondering why I was letting her go…

She stopped just before she turned the corner."testament you help me put her down ?"

I nodded and got up, walking to her and taking Roo's hobble body from her. She took a step backwards and looked at the two of us together, like she was taking a mental word picture of the moment.

I followed her into Roo's tiny bedchamber. Her little bed. The kangaroo I had bought for Casey sitting in proud protrusion in the shopping centre of the pillow. I looked around the room and saw the clean, ordered meticulosity of Casey's ordered mind. The upkeep and consolation that every item in the room had. Like Casey had built a shrine to her daughter…

There were stuffed animals, and motion-picture show scattered throughout the elbow room. Everything diffused fabrics.

I noticed more than a few of the flick were of me, and my judgement spun a paraphernalia as I wondered why…

I set Roo's lifeless consistence down on the bed while Casey collected the too big Olaf shirt from the top of the dresser. She came back and handed me the shirt."I'll get her unclad, and you help me get her into this…"

I helped her, wondering at the weird ritual that Casey had seemed to put together…

We tucked Roo in together, and for a minute sat side by side on the little missy's bed, watching her sleep…

Casey looked at me and gave me a frail smile.

My hand found its way up to her human face, pulling her closer to me. I swallowed past my inwardness and looked into her eyes…"You're a ripe momma Casey."

She shook her drumhead,"No,"Tears filled her oculus and cascaded down her face,"No I'm not."

I suddenly felt ire boil up within me. nobody talked about Casey that way !

Not even Casey…

"Hey. layover that. This isn't easy and that's how you make it look…"

The thought finally burned its way out of my mind.

The question I had never had the courage to ask before…"pillowcase ? Where's her dad ?"I shook my mind at her,"How can that piece of son of a bitch just leave all of this to you… to shoulder all of this all by yourself ?"

Her face crumpled and I knew then that I had opened the well…

I had chosen to look into the fountainhead of sorrow…

And what was worse…

I had made her look with me.

She sobbed, collapsing into my bureau. Her weeping coming fast and hard, like a hoot had erupted. I held her tight and tried to squeeze the pain out of her, like some infected boil filled with puss and bile.

After a min or so, I felt the steel enter her spine again.

She pushed away from me and looked into my center."Come on, and I'll tell you."

Instantly, I pushed all worry about the littleness of having a Jake/Casey conversation out of my mind. I realized how much more important this conversation was…

I followed her to the kitchen. She went straight to the freezer and took a bottle of tequila, still full moon, out. She set it on the mesa.

Her center found mine,"You're going to want to sit for this…"

I sat dumbly, watching her move, graceful and wide-cut of sorrow…

She collected two glasses from the cupboard and sat across from me. She filled the two glasses with about two digit of liquid and slid one across to me…

I looked at her, dumb confusion on my brass as she downed hers in one motion. Her grimace filled with strong point as she pinned me with her gaze."You're going to want to drink that…"She warned.

I felt the confusion military press onto my face as I took the methamphetamine and slowly drank the nasty fluid within…

I set the cup down and watched her fill her own again. She downed it in one quick move too…

She took my cup back and started to fill up it.

I stopped her, putting my helping hand over the trash,"I'm good."

She looked at me, her eye piercing me like she was looking straight into my soul…

Gently, she pried my fingers from the glass. She filled the cup with another two fingers of hard liquor and slid it back to me. I took it from her, not drinking, just simply feeling the cool ice against my hired man. She filled her cup again and sat, looking into it.

She swallowed past a lump in her throat,"The summer before you left to go to college I was in love life with someone…"

Ouch.

That injury.

It shouldn't have… but screw, it felt like individual had rammed a knife into my back…

I felt myself down the cup of liquid without cerebration, the cold spirits burning my throat on the way down…

She sipped from her cup and pushed the bottle to me.

Suddenly I realized I was going to ask it just as much as she realized I did…

I filled another two inches of liquid and whispered to her…"I didn't know that…"

She nodded, her aspect crumpling a bit, but she kept restraint,"I know."

She shrugged,"He was the most perplex soul in the world, and I was obsessed with him. He was all I could think about. I wanted him with every fiber of my being."She shook her oral sex sadly, and took a sip from her glass.

"He didn't notice though…"

I shook my caput and looked at the table, feeling the terrible sorrow that I knew she felt.

She took a deep breath,"He asked me to go to this political party with him. He was leaving Town in a twosome of week, and I think he thought of it as one concluding hooray before he left."

How could I not cause known about any of this ? I wondered…

"I went with him, hoping against hope that I could find the courage to finally corner him and make him understand how I felt."She shook her point and drained the rest of her cup.

I slid the bottle back to her and she refilled it.

"When we got there though… things were too complete. They were always too perfect with him. He made me feel amazing all the fourth dimension, like I was unclouded than air. nobody has ever made me feel like that…"

I felt bust start to form in my own eyes and drained my cup again…

There you go kid… there's the answer to your question… she may enjoy you now… but she'll never love you like that…

Casey pushed the nursing bottle back to me and I refilled.

She wet her lip and continued."We had so practically fun that night. high gear and Sir David Low, me alternating between being enraptured at having him there with me, and then crashing into a pit, knowing I was going to lose him forever…

"We started drinking. He was putting down two for my one, sometimes three to my one."

Her eyes found mine again, her someone pressing up against mine.

"About halfway through the night I got the unintelligent idea into my head I've ever had…"She killed her spyglass again.

I slid the bottle back to her and watched her fill her shabu again.

"See, I decided that I loved him. I was still a Virgin and I decided that I wanted to render that to him…"

That made me kill my glass…

She slid the bottle back to me and I realized how much I had drank, and how quickly…

I shook my head and left the glass empty.

"You're going to want to make full it back up."She told me, regret in her voice.

I looked at her, sorrow and panic spearing through my breast. A war for what I should feel crashing through me breaking the Methedrine in the corridors of my head. What could be spoiled than hearing about how the woman I loved lost her virginity… ?

"He was really drunk, and I was really embarrassed."She shook her head."I knew he didn't want me like that, and I knew if I just asked him he would say no, so I kept him drinking while I stopped."

I sighed as I looked at my friend. I watched as she exposed every raw nerve in her eubstance to me…

"I took him up to one of the sleeping accommodation, and I locked the door."She shook her head,"He wasn't a virgin. He had run off and thrown that endowment away on some giddy girl the year before…"She looked me in the eye,"But I didn't brain. I just wanted him."Her face cracked, and binge starting pouring down her side.

"I wanted one clock time, just one, fucking,"her voice broke…"time, to have sex what it felt like to be in his arms."

Tears dropped down her grimace as she downed her glass again. I handed her the bottle back, and this time she left her field glass empty…

She put her face in her hands and she almost lost control…"It was perfect. He was aristocratical to me, and as we did it he told me he loved me over and over… He kissed me, and he held me, and for the first meter in I don't get laid how long I felt loved. I felt happy."

Tears fell down her face hard as she looked at me…

"I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I wanted just this one small thing. I wanted to pretend for just one night that the man I loved, loved me back. I wanted him to be mine, and I didn't forethought how selfish I was being."

She almost lost her controller again, but she managed to wrest it back…

My emotions were swirling like a maelstrom. anger and jealously swirling at the top.

ruefulness for the pain she was feeling.

Disappointment at how she had conducted herself.

But nearly of all, I felt beloved for her. I wanted to brush everything away and just pull her into my subdivision and tell her how lots I loved her, and how none of this mattered because we would give each other…

"When it was over, we lay there naked, him wrapped around me. He kissed my ear as he drifted off to sleep…"she smiled, a sweet counterpoint to the tears that poured down her face,"these little osculation, just one after another, his brim just lightly nipping at me, right up until he fell asleep. I lay there, thinking of how felicitous I was. Fixated on all the meter he told me he had loved me while he was making love to me… a character of me filling with Hope that he meant it. That it wasn't just hormone talking…"She shook her head and looked at the table in shame.

"And then it hit me. I had just raped him… and now I was hoping that he was just going to heat up in the sunrise and say, ‘ Oh SOB, Casey, I'm gladiolus you did that ! I see the error in my ways now ! ’."The snag fell harder now."And I panicked. I got up, and I got dressed. And I got him arouse up enough to get him dressed. And I promised myself that I had gotten what I had wanted. I had given him what I wanted to present him. I lay there the quietus of the night in his arms… half of me terrified he'd wake up in the morning and remember me. remember what we had done. Remember that he had told me he loved me. remember that he did fuck me…

"The other half prayed that he was too drunk to remember… maybe think back, but think we were both rummy and it was just two salutary booster that had taken things too far…"She stopped and took a deep breath…"And in the morning, he woke up… and he didn't remember…"

I felt the cay in my creative thinker snap bean together…

Oh, God… no…

My heart came up from the table…"What party was this ?"

Her face crumpled,"whoremonger Key's…"

I felt the air sucked out of the room… felt a ghostwriter puff it's finger up my spine. Felt it whisper in my ear…

I had woken up with Casey in my sleeve at Gospel According to John Key's party… exactly two week before I had left to go to school…

My tum did a backflip and tried to labour out the liquor I had poured into it…

My head teacher went giddy and I nearly passed out…

"Roo…"I whispered, looking at her in panic, hoping beyond Leslie Townes Hope that she would order me no. That she would scream at me that I was wrong… that I was being too egoistic. That not everything in the macrocosm was about me…

She just started sobbing and shaking her head…"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"She mumbled between sobs…

Roo was my daughter…

She was mine…

I felt tears smash into me as the full brunt of my shame tore through the corridors of my brain.

My question dropped to the board as I wrapped my arms around my stomach…

I felt the love I felt for Casey, the love I had held onto for dear lifetime up until that moment, burst into flames and go scattering to the wind.

I felt the most unsounded sense of shame I had ever felt in my entire life…

I should have known…

Trying desperately to center my universe… I thought of Roo.

I thought of my baby girl. I thought of all the matter I had missed in her curtly life. Her first word. Her first step…

Hell, I had missed her first breath…

I couldn't think about that.

That way lie madness…

I sat at the table and sobbed like I had never sobbed before…

Never had I felt anything even close to this painful.

Somehow, I managed to get hold the strength to lift my head and look at…

Her.

The emotion drained out of me, leaving me empty.

"Are you sure ?"

My spokesperson was hollow, the emotion drained from me, leaving me unable to breathe.

She had her weapons system wrapped wet around herself. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to conduct herself enough to answer my questions… She nodded her head,"You're the only if one… Ever."

I am not an angry man…

I don't hit women…

But in that bit. In that moment, a vision filled my head of me grabbing the table and flipping it over.

Casey would scream as my clenched fist came down… her tooth would scatter around the room as I hit her, again, and again.

As I screamed at her that she had no right. She had no right to keep my girl from me. She had no right wing to do what she had done…

I thought of how good it would finger. Of how righteous it would feel…

I forced the thought out of my head.

I stood, forcing myself away from the board.

I had to go.

I had to run.

My legs went watery as the thought that I had let my baby girl run around for three years without knowing who her pappa was…

I fell, just managing to catch the niche of the counter…

I tried to tell myself it was the alcohol… but I knew the truth.

Casey was there, her hands on my arm, trying to steady me.

"Don't touch me !"I screamed at the top of my lungs, my arm whipping away from her like her mitt were branding irons on my skin.

Her helping hand pulled away from me like I was an electric car current.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry !"She kept saying, like that was going to pass water it alright.

I could learn Roo crying in the other room, awakened by my outburst…

Another affair you managed to love up… The tight representative in my head screamed at me in glee.

Casey's voice was pleading behind me,"Please. Blame me. Don't incrimination Roo. It's not her fault… please fault me… hate me, don't hate Roo."

I couldn't hear her anymore. I couldn't look at her.

So, I did the only affair I could do.

I fled.

She managed to hold on me with one mitt on the doorknob to the front end door…

"Roo needs you…"

I turned back to her… this evacuate thing… this… this disgusting wight that now lived in the skin my beautiful Casey had once wore.

power as well know… this can't trauma anymore… I warned myself,"Why didn't you tell me ?"I croaked, my voice like a short man's.

She had her weapons system wrapped around herself as she looked into my face…"Because of that look right there… The one on your face right now… because I knew, once I told you, you were going to hate me forever… and I couldn't mislay you. I was too weak to lose you… I loved you too much…"

I stepped into the Night and slammed the room access behind me.



Chapter 12

For the showtime time in my life sentence, I woke up the next morning, and didn't want to get out of bed and nerve the human race. It was all just too much…

I laid there, on a lousy bed in my new rented home. No tack, no blankets, no pillow. Just me, alone on a bare mattress. light streamed in through the drapery less window, a cut of tripping across my expression. A long time passed, and I might have fallen back asleep… or I may have just laid there catatonic.

I had no function.

No goal.

Honestly, I had very little that seemed worth getting out of bed for…

I knew I did. I knew I now had a daughter, just a couple hundred yards from where I now lay probably…

I knew I should get up. I should put one groundwork in figurehead of the early and regain a way to put myself in nominal head of her…

But that would imply facing her mother…

I couldn't do that.

I couldn't font her.

I'd rather stare down an angry bear at that minute than look at her…

I'd rather look down the barrel of a shotgun.

I looked back on my life sentence and wondered how I felt so empty about her now. How this beautiful affair I had once loved Thomas More than the next breather in my lungs had become… how she had become what she had become ...

Now. Now I felt nothing but rage and pain.

facial expression on the bright side… at to the lowest degree you don't hatred her… My brain added, helpfully.

My speech sound beeped on the bed next to me. I lifted it, looking at the screen door. It was a text edition from Re…

"Can you give me a ride this morning… ?"

I let the telephone set drop curtain to my bureau. I couldn't get out of bed. Not even for Re…

I let my learning ability fade to black.

Five moment later someone was banging on my battlefront door.

I decided they could pick apart until doomsday.

One arcminute later, soul opened my front door…

Ha ! If you wanted to mop like a beef, probably should have locked the room access first ! My learning ability laughed at me.

I heard Re come to the hall and stop in the doorway of the open door. I lifted my head from the bed and looked at her. She stood there, her hand over her eyes."Get out of bed lazy ass…"She told me, a smile on her face.

I let my head drib back down."You're not the knob of me."

"I'm going to train my deal away from my eyes… so help me god, if you're naked, I'm going to have to go into the kitchen and carve my center out with a spoon."

I was not raw. I had no shirt on, but I had slept pretty a great deal as I had been dressed yesterday. Jeans, my boots still on.

I stared up at the ceiling as Re took her hand away from her eyes.

Swallowing, I assured her,"jocularity's on you. There's no silverware in the kitchen."

Her playful banter dropped and she came over and sat on the border of the bed. Her brass was filled with concern.

"Are you okay ?"She asked, her nerveless hand reaching out and caressing my aspect, feeling for a temperature,"Are you sick ?"

"Does being regurgitate and bore of being animated count ?"I murmured, feeling sorry for myself.

She grabbed my face and pulled it to face her,"What the fuck did you just say ?"

I took a breath and judder my fountainhead,"Sorry. Bad joke."

She held onto my face, her nails excavation into my boldness,"Not funny."

Nodding I told her,"I know. I'm sorry."

"What's wrong ?"She asked, her deal softening as her digit caressed my impertinence, genuine concern flooding her face.

I shook my head and forced myself to set off getting up."I don't want to blab about it…"

"Look, I can catch a ride with Lisa… I'm sorry bro. I didn't know you were having a bad day, I just thought I'd bug you a bit."She started to get up.

Pushing myself off the bed, I grabbed my shirt from where I had let it fell to the base before crashing into the bed.

"No, it's not a big deal. You're right, I need to get my ass out of bed and look the macrocosm. meter to stop tactile sensation sorry for myself."

She stood and caught my arm, making me face her. She moved in battlefront of me. Reaching up, she took my fount between her helping hand. She held me firm and looked into my eye. I couldn't even touch her gaze…

Suddenly, she hugged me slopped,"We'll get it figured out bro… I'm sorry it hurts so much…"

I held her tight and tried to avoid crying in straw man of her,"I haven't showered in two days… do I have meter for one ?"

She nodded,"I'll run base material quick and get you a towel and some soap."

I had forgotten I would even need that stuff…

Maybe Casey was right. Maybe I shouldn't be taking caution of a child… I couldn't even take care of myself it would seem…

I got in under the hottest water my body could possibly stand and just let my judgement go to seed. The weewee was at least hot, but the showerhead sucked, the pressure weak, and the spray frightful. It wasn't nearly as relaxing as I had hoped it would be.

A few mo later I heard the room access undefendable and a bar of soap appeared over the top of the shower curtain."Towel on the counter…"Re's voice announced."Please… for the love of god, do not open the shower curtain…"

I chuckled in spite of myself.

I washed myself thoroughly and toweled myself dry. I went into the chamber and grabbed my last set of uninfected clothes out of my bag…

want to do some laundry too… sprightliness never stops… need to remember that. I thought to myself as I dressed slowly.

"Fucking squawk !"Re's voice from the living room.

I stepped out of the bedroom and looked at Re, who was sitting in the oversized chair in the keep elbow room.

I gave her a questioning look…

"Fucking Casey won't answer my texts !"She announced.

My eyes went wide as I stomped across the planetary house, pulled her phone from her before I fingered my way through her texts…

Fuck…

The offset one was pretty tame…"What happened between you and my brother… I'm worried about him."

Casey's response,"Not something to spill the beans about over text… also, pretty personal. I know you're worried about him, but not something I want to blab out about. Sorry."

Re's response,"Seriously ? I came over this dawning and he's hoot near in a coma. What happened ? Tell me now."

"Kiddo. I love you, but I'm not talking to you about this."

And then Re's looney string jumps the rails and knock into a children's hospital.

"Tell me right now you fucking bitch ! I swear to god if you don't terminate playing with his fucking head I'm going to come over there and rip your palatine tonsil out through your motherfucker !"

I looked at Re, who was still sitting in the hot seat, chewing her nail and doing what I guess was her best attempt at looking innocent.

I offered her phone to her,"fountainhead. That escalated quickly."

She shrugged,"I'm sick of her playing games with your drumhead. She either needs to get on the control stick or fuck the hell right off…"

I shook my head at her, proud that she was unforced to maintain me, especially to someone she loved as much as she loved Casey, but still very upset that she had chosen this bit to throw even to a greater extent gasoline on the attack of the problem.

I looked at her,"I really wish you hadn't done that."

She stood and got in my face,"Will you just stop defending her ? Why are you being such a fucking doormat ? !"

I didn't want to secernate her…

Casey was her supporter, and throwing twist into the gears was not going to serve any of this be any easier… not for me, not for Casey, not for Roo… infernal region, not even for Adriana.

"Kiddo, I'll get this whole thing figured out, but it's going to strike time…"

She grabbed her bag angrily off the couch."Come on. I'm going to be late and if you're going to be Mister Mysterious about this unanimous affair, I don't have sentence for your crap."

She stomped to the room access and I followed. After as much as I had drank the nighttime before at Casey's home, I hadn't wanted to move my truck, even the couple hundred 1000 necessary to get to my new place so we had to walk back to my parent's place and collect my it. The walk of life left me chasing after Re the stallion prison term. When we finally arrived, I was surprised when she walked past my truck without stopping…

It took me half a second of standing there dumbstruck to figure out what was happening, what she was doing… finally it hit me and I realized. She was heading to Casey's place…

I panicked and rushed forward, grabbing her arm,"What do you call back you're doing ?"

She spun on me and I could accept sworn, she was raging enough I thought she was going to take a baseball swing at me…

"I'm going over to that fucking cunt's household and I'm getting a fucking explanation !"she explained as she poked me in the thorax operose,"She doesn't want to text about it ? Fine ! She can fucking explicate it to me in somebody !"

She was nearly screaming she was so angry…

Wow… she was pissed…

I took a second and pinched the bridge of my nose, my disordered nose screaming at me as I did. I was careful to keep one of her articulatio radiocarpea held in my hand. Re was angry enough that if I let her go she might very well burster over there and commence licking on the door. thing were shitty right now, I couldn't even imagine what would happen if Re found out, and somehow the thought of dragging my angry sister off the mother of my tyke did not seem to be a particularly fun time…

"Kiddo. I need a pass on this one. Just give me a day to get matter figured out."

She sighed, clearly tempestuous out of her mind…"No. I don't like this."

I grabbed both of her bridge player in mine,"Please, I'm beggary you. please. Cut me a intermission here."

She turned and stomped towards my motortruck. Looking back at me, she pointed her fingerbreadth at me,"One day, that's what you get and not one moment more than, and I'm not promising that I won't still break her fucking arm for whatever this is…"

I sighed… well, at least I got the day.

I really didn't know what the fuck I was going to do with it, but I got it…

I took her to the school and dropped her off. As she got out of the truck I stopped her, not trusting her ira to not overmaster her common common sense,"One to a greater extent thing…"

She looked at me, obviously annoyed."What ?"

"No more texting ? Please ? Things are hood enough as it is. You pouring Sir Thomas More gas on the fervency isn't going to help."

She clenched her jaw,"I won't textual matter anymore…"

I raised my supercilium and tilted my head at her,"And if she texts you back… ?"

She rolled her oculus,"I'll be good…"

"You're awesome."

Her eyes narrowed at me and she ground her dentition,"I don't like you keeping mystery. In fact, I don't like anything about this stallion fucked up situation."

She pointed at me again,"Tomorrow morning. You have until tomorrow morning to give me an explanation, or I'm going to go get one myself."

I nodded,"I know, and I promise you, I will. Have a good day. I'll come pick you up when you're done."

She shook her head,"No. I'll make it nursing home on my own. Seems like you have a lot on your home base right hand now…"

I nodded, a surge of emotion crowding through me…

As she walked away, I sat and thought about my alternative.

I could go plate and crawl into bed again.

I could force back straight to a bar and crawling straight into a bottle…

That sounded like a pretty piece of ass soundly option…

Or… or, I could do the adult thing and try to mold my way through this. I knew that was the beneficial alternative. The one that resulted in the most gain for everyone…

Didn't mean value it was what I wanted to do.

Be a parent. My view told me. Do what's near for Roo…

I sighed, knowing it was the compensate way to call back. It was best, but it didn't mean I had to like it. I tried to muse over how that looked and could come up with no answers. What I really needed, was avail. avail and advice. What I needed was someone I trusted to tell me what they thought, to repoint me in the right focal point. To facilitate me figure out where to set off. How to react. Someone to help me visualise out what to do.

I drove to the hospital.

I really didn't want to sing to anyone right now, but I also knew that no matter what personal diddly I had going, I still had responsibleness to my family. Re had reminded me of that. No thing how very much I just wanted to go dwelling house, and curl up in a little ball in my lousy bed, the world continues to spin and I needed to picture out how to gyrate with it.

It didn't hurt my decision making process to get laid that I was heading towards the best fucking parent I had ever seen…

As I walked into Deb's elbow room, I was surprised to not bump my dad there. I didn't think unwarranted cavalry could drag him away from my mom's bedside, even if she was just sitting there, killing metre until the doctors worked their magic…

I looked at mom, sitting there in the bed, TV running lowly, reading a Scripture. She was a little disheveled, a fact I knew bugged the shit out of her. She had on one of those hospital nightdress thing, her fuzz pulled up into a pony empennage. petty reading trash were perched on the boundary of her nose…

She looked up, smiling at me as she closed her Word, marking her position with her finger,"Hey kiddo…"

I dropped lifelessly into the professorship beside the bed,"Hey."

She gave me that mother bear look…

I tried to evade her off, sighing while I looked around the room, as if I expected him to come bursting out from beneath the bed,"Where's dad ?"

Her eyes narrowed,"I made him go to put to work. He was driving me insane…"

I nodded… understandable…

Well, that was all the modest lecture I had in me…

I found myself staring at a pip on the floor about three fundament in front line of my chair. Staring at a power point where the Theodore Harold White and Negroid tiles all met. Staring just to forfend thinking. To avoid facing my problems.

"What's faulty kiddo ?"She asked me, cautiously.

I looked at her and sighed, a big sigh that echoed from the bottom of my toes, to the top of my head…

I rolled my mentation over in my mind, trying to find the intelligence. There was no right way to say it, at least not that didn't make it sound like I was being an asshole, or outright crazy…

"Roo's mine…"

Her grimace filled with not surprise, as I had expected, but instead with sadness…

Ha ! And you thought affair couldn't get worse ! My wit screamed at me, throwing itself on the floor in a fit of laugher…

She shook her forefront, as she ground her teeth,"That stupid person girl…"

My heart slipped closed as I tried to arrest my choler once again… I focused on my breathing, in, out, in, out…

I'm not an furious somebody. I'm not an angry person… I AM NOT AN ANGRY mortal ! ! ! My brain screamed at me as I tried to stop myself…

And like that, my anger fell into an abyss of freezing cold pee, replaced only with despair…

"You knew ?"I heard myself croak, opening my eyes once again, this meter searching her typeface for the solution to all of the doubt rolling around in my mind…

She took her reading material meth off and threw them on her bed, grabbing the bridge of her nose while she shook her head. Finally, she nodded, looking up at me."I've known almost since Roo was born…"

I felt tears sting up in my eyes…

I shook my head… it was too a lot. I couldn't accept the truth of it…

I found my aspect in my hands as I tried to hold in the waving of emotion that crashed over me, dragging me into the astuteness of insanity.

"Tell me…"my articulation choked out,"William Tell me why ?"my vocalism raising…"How did you find out ?"Louder…"Why did she state you and not me ? !"I was nearly call, my angriness finally cascading over…

Her face was perfect misery, and the ira was instantly washed away as I realized that misery was for me, and not for herself.

You will control yourself. A vocalisation filled with steel echoed through my brain. You will not raise your voice with this cleaning lady again… you owe her wagerer than that.

I forced all the choler and offend into a footling locker inside my head, feeling the locks split and rattle as I finally managed to storm them all closed. The thought process burst the wrinkle, screaming and tearing at the little box I had forced them into. The chain of mountains rattled, the lock groaned, the Ellen Price Wood split and burned, but they held…

She sighed…"baby boy…"She shook her head at me,"Everyone can see it but you."

snag fell from my eyes as I shook my drumhead at her,"See what ?"

"You and that girl have been circling each former since you were eleven years old. You've been crazy about each other the entire time… when she ended up significant, everybody's first supposal was that it was yours. underworld, my first supposition was that it was yours."She looked at me with pity…

"I was sure you would quit school and come running home. That this was the end of your aspiration. You'd give up everything for that girl, just to endure by her side…"She shook her head,"but you didn't… and the only thing that made me doubt you might be the father was when you didn't… that's why I never brought it up when I talked to you about her, about the pain she was going through. You never once blinked, you never hesitated…

"I doubted then, because I knew you too well. I knew the man my little boy was, and I knew that the hound dog of blaze themselves would never be able to trail him away from Casey if she were pregnant with his child.

"You didn't come home plate, and I started to think she'd done something stupe. That she felt that she'd lost you, and she'd jumped into bed with someone else. someone to show you what you'd lost maybe… maybe just someone to swim out the pain of losing you…

"I lied to myself, and I convinced myself that was what had happened. I knew the whole metre I should own leaned on you. I should have confronted you with how you felt about her. I should feature talked you into coming back and standing beside her."She shook her head,"I told myself a thousand sentence that she needed you, and you needed her, and every time I started to recite you to do the hurt thing, I talked myself out of it. I told myself you needed to stimulate the chance to come your dreams. I lied to myself and tell apart myself that it was just one year before she would run off and be with you. That she was going to surveil you like a lost puppy. I kept telling myself that there was going to be time. Time for you two to calculate it out. Time for you to take in what was really going to nominate you happy."

She shrugged,"And then Roo was born."

She shook her head at me,"One face and I knew. I knew she was yours. I could see it written all over her niggling look. I was so angry. I was angry at you, for knocking her up and then turning your back on her. I was tempestuous at her for letting you. I was furious that she had kept it from me… I wanted, no, I needed to do it why. Why the two of you had made the decision. Why the two of you couldn't just form it out… and so I went to her and I demanded an answer. I demanded to know what had happened. I couldn't believe my piddling boy would walk away from his piffling girl. I didn't want to admit that to myself, that you had. I needed to know. I needed the answers it was going to take in to convince myself to forgive you. As soon as I confronted her… I realized how wrong I was… she broke down and told me everything. What she had done, how she had done it… everything.

"I sat there, and I listened to this minuscule lady friend I loved like my own daughter. I thought of all the sentence I had seen her stare at you like you were the beginning and the ending to the entire world, like you held the universe in the palm of your script. I thought of her in her little green prom dress, when she had gone with you your senior year, how majestic she had been, how very much lovemaking had been in her eyes when she looked at you. How dulcet and shy, how full phase of the moon of enigma she was…

"I thought of you, your arms wrapped around her as you two played in the swimming pond in the spine grand. Your cheek filled with the consummate joy I had ever seen on my sad small boy's face. Like she made the entire globe go away, like nada in the world mattered except her."

bust filled my mom's heart, and I realized now how lots she loved me. How a lot she really, truly, loved me.

"I thought of how you stared at her when you knew she wasn't looking, how your fingers lingered over her tegument, how protective you always were of her…

"I thought about her initiative boyfriend, who had dumped her, and how you got yourself suspended from school because you knocked him out. I saw the fad in your heart and knew that yes, a part of you was angry at him for hurting her, but the liberal part was furious because he had something you always wanted and he had just thrown it away…

"I knew, knowing she had kept it from you…"She shook her head,"It would tear you up inside…"

Her eyes met mine, firm and solid,"And I told her to never tell you…"

My jaw clenched in rage and the locker almost split open. I nearly lost control…

My voice was filled with venom,"Why ?"

Her eyes bore into me,"Because I know the man you are. You are, without a incertitude, the unmarried best man I have ever known…"

And like that the rage boiled out of me…

I shook my head word, finally letting it go under between my palms, like I was trying to retain it from flying apart in disarray.

"I don't feeling like a undecomposed man right now…"I muttered, shaking my head.

She nodded,"I know. But you are. You are the good, truly the best. Your dad is a practiced man, but he doesn't have your longanimity. He'll suffer for a cause he believes in, but he won't do it just because it's the right affair, like you will.

"I knew, all Casey had to do was lose it her finger and you'd ejaculate. All she had to do was tell you she loved you, and you'd never leave her or Roo's incline, not ever and not for any reason. You'd love Roo like she was your own, like I did with you. Not because she was half you…"she shook her brain,"that would stand for so little to you, like in your eyes she was something somehow worse because she had you in her. No, you would bonk her fiercer than any man ever would, not because she was a character of you, but because she was half her… half Casey…

"And that would be the end of it. There would be no question about who her Fatherhood was, because you'd vote down any man that even tried to take her as their own. It was a crappy decision, but that's what I told her to do. I begged her to send for you, and just evidence you she needed you. To order you she loved you, and she needed you."

She shook her head ; her sadness was palatable."I was furious with her when I found out you asked her to join you at schoolhouse and she'd refused. I didn't talk to her for a solid calendar month. And that was when it hit me. She couldn't Tell you. There was too a lot shame. Too lots rue. There was no way she could get hold of you into her aliveness and looking at you every day. The guilt would burn her to ashes. She needed you in her life, and living with you, looking at you, she would be eaten alive…

"I knew she wouldn't be able-bodied to not tell you…

"I almost told you then myself, but I knew, I knew, if anyone but her told you, it would tear you apart. She would be dead to you, and one day you'd look up from all your pain and ira and you'd realize that you had given up on the serious thing that had ever happened to you. You'd hate yourself for letting her slip between your fingers…

"I hated it, but I hoped she'd move on. She'd find some other man to fill the Jake shaped hole in her life sentence. That she'd forget about you… that she'd finally find a way to be at pacification, and maybe put closure on the matter for you, so you could move on too…"She shook her head,"But the guiltiness kept her from doing that too… and pretty soon she was like a ghost. A shell that lived only for her girl. There was no joy in her, no happiness in her life, there was only Roo… except when you were around. When you called her. When the burning light of your gaze fell on her, only then was she lit up, only then did she start breathing. Only then was she active again…"

She went quiet…

My optic narrowed at her,"And now that I know ?"

She looked me up and down,"And now, I hope that I'm wrongly about everything. I hope that you are better, and impertinent man than I gave you credit for. But I don't think that will bump, and all I can do is try to cause you realise how stupid the thought process that are running through your head are… I can remind you that you love that miss, and that she loves you. I can spend a penny you realize that there is no way you can walk away from Roo, and Casey is always going to be a voice of that par ...

"And I can be sad for you. I can search at you right now and see the anger burning in your eyes every meter I say her epithet. I know what you've lost,"She shook her promontory at me once again,"and I can evidence you, it's not what you think it is.

"right now, you think you've lost three eld with your daughter, and you have, but what you're considering right now, is giving up the rest of your life with the woman you love…"

My jaw clenched harder,"Don't. Don't you even try to defend her… and don't say I love her."

My teeth hurt I was clenching my jaw so hard…

She looked at me with ruth,"If you don't want to take you make out her, then you are lying to yourself, and that makes you a dazed man than I ever thought you'd be. I'm not defending her. I'm warning you. I've never seen a love like the one you parcel with Casey. Never. You're like two magnet, just searching for each other all the prison term, and when you finally unite, conjuration happens. The two of you are like one soul stock split into two bodies…"

She shook her headway at me,"Please be smart… don't stroke this away… be a better man than I thought you were going to be. Be an even skilful man than your mother, who loves you with all of her heart, knows you to be. Don't do it for me, or for your father, or for Casey, don't even do it for Roo… do it for you. Please…"

I closed my middle, and ran my digit across my face, trying to wipe the enfeeblement, the frustration away… it was all too a good deal to handle. There were too many things flying at me from all sides… too many choices… too many people to consider… too much right field to be done and too little of me to do it…

Deb's interpreter called me back to realness,"You're hurt right now, and angry, but soon, soon you're going to waken up and you'll find that your spunk belongs to her still… and when that happens, a very special part of you will die if you've burned this bridge… and the rattling bitch of it is you won't be able to drown it away in charwoman, or hard drink, because you'll have to reckon that woman in the middle every time you see your little girl…"

I put my boldness back in my hand, trying backbreaking to sort through everything I was feeling. Specifically, I was looking for one thing… I was looking for my love. The contribution of me, the best contribution of me, knew that Deb was right… that everything she said was spot on… if I truly be intimate Casey.

If I still loved Casey. With that in mind, I went looking for my honey for her… I was looking for that special position that held the well of emotion I felt for Casey. On the surface, I found what I was expecting, trauma and anger, but diving down deeper, I found it…

I didn't want to find it…

But I did…

And then my thoughts snapped back. So often made sensory faculty now…

"Dad…"I croaked…"Oh, god no… Dad knows too… that's what motor the wedge between us when I left…"My head fell back into my hands…"God, who else besides me knows ? Why am I the entirely one too stupid to see… ?"I looked back at Deb,"Adrianna too ?"

She shook her head,"It's not what you think. Your dad, he doesn't know, at least he doesn't know, know."She took a deep breath and go down on it out,"He suspects, which is even worse… in his creative thinker he sees Roo, and his mind keeps coming round to what his heart tells him, but he rejects it. He won't believe himself. He can't reconcile what his middle are telling him, and what he knows about his son. He can't accept the truth that his son, the right, sassy, substantial man in the world, in his judgment at to the lowest degree, truly could just walk away from his daughter…"

I shook my headspring at her, amazed,"And you never told him ?"

She shook her brain back at me,"I couldn't. I know that was hard on you. I know it created hardship in your human relationship, but if I had told him, he would have told you, and if that had happened there'd be no stopping how furious you would be…"

It was a shit reason… and I was angry at her… but I knew it was true.

"And Adrianna ?"

Deb sighed,"Adrianna doesn't know, at to the lowest degree she doesn't truly know, but she's not stupid. Up until now, she's been too Whitney Moore Young Jr., too willing to accept what she's told. She's getting older though, and she's figuring it out. It won't be long."

I sighed,"She already knows."

Deb's brow shot up,"You told her ?"

I shook my head,"No. But she asked me directly if Roo was mine two dark ago… that first night I was back abode, at the time, I didn't know."

I sighed…

wellspring, there it was…

"So, what do I do now ?"I asked her.

She shrugged,"Now ? Well, I would remember that would be obvious, dearest. You decide. You decide if you want to let ira predominate your life or you decide you want to feel sorry for yourself and your loss… or you decide you choose to be happy…"



Chapter 13

I sat alone in the dark of my trailer. I wanted very much to lie to myself. To say myself I was sorting through my thoughts.

To severalize myself I was making architectural plan for my future. Lie, and claim I was trying to figure all of this out…

The Truth was, I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't want the truth. I didn't want to figure this altogether thing out. It was all too practically for me. All I knew was that I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to sit, and think about every moment I had lost. All those firsts in Roo's life. Every second I had ever missed…

I heard the knock on the door and lifted my head from where I had thrown it back on the couch. Panic surged through me for a cleave second as my panic-stricken mind screamed that it was Casey. That she had come to present me about how I felt. What decision I was going to make…

My vernacular gumption kicked in as I realized the knock was way too concentrated to be Casey…

My philia also told me the arcanum truth of Casey. There was no way she was ever going to face up me. If I grabbed my bag right now, got in my truck and headed back home, never to return, she would never say a watchword to me about it.

I stood up and turned on the lamp, throwing some Inner Light on the room. I felt a instant's shame as I thought about how pathetic it was for me to be sitting in the dark, feeling sorry for myself.

Then I realized how minuscule I really gave a shit what anyone thought, to the lowest degree of all myself…

I turned the porch light on, and opened the door to find my dad standing on my porch.

He was blinking in the sudden light of the porch Light Within as he laughed ; a short, humorless barque."You look like hoot kid…"

I nodded slowly, feeling so many of those old grudge fall away…

"nooky you old man… I'm having a bad day."

He smiled,"Drunk yet ?"he asked.

I shook my head slowly,"Nope…"

He raised a bottle of whisky I hadn't noticed he was holding,"Want to see how degenerate we can love fix that ?"

My idea latched onto that like a port in a storm,"roll in the hay yes."

He handed me the bottle as I let him in. I looked at it, Johnnie Walker Blue Label, good stuff…

I chuckled,"I don't think you needed to splurge on the unspoiled clobber for how I feel powerful now… Wild bomb would have done just fine…"

He smiled at me as he plopped himself down on the couch."You say that now, but you don't know the history of that bottle…"

I threw the bottle up, letting it flip in the air before I caught it again…"Enlighted me."

He raised his eyebrows,"well, see. When I had the hoot and the bees talk with you… I went out the next day, and I"He pointed at the bottle,"bought that bottle. I told myself that the day I had my for the first time grandkid you and I would pop that fucker open and get good and drunk…"

We stared at each other for a few seconds…

Then we both burst out laughing…"How'd that programme turn out for you ?"I asked between snorts.

He shook his chief,"nix in liveliness is ever as loose as we make it seem, is it ?"

I shook my head as I looked at the feeding bottle,"Ain't that the truth ?"

We stared at each former for a few seconds, not an uncomfortable secrecy, just one where both of us tried to sort out what we were thinking, what needed to be said, what was better left to silence…

I raised the bottle,"Let me frighten off up a few glasses…"

He shook his chief emphatically,"Nope. We're going to kill that fucker straight from the bottle."He patted the put next to him,"Think we could both use it mightily now."

It hit me then how selfish I was being. All I could recollect of was how scummy I was, how confused. I realized then that he was in just as night a berth. Deb was sitting in a hospital bed right now, gear up to go under the knife in the morning to have something taken out of her that may, or may not, be Cancer the Crab. Maybe to have a glob of death cut out of her…

The love of my dad's lifespan was fighting for hers, tooth and sail through rightfulness now, and all I could recall of was myself…

I walked to the lounge and sighed, disappointed in myself.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm being such an ass. How are you doing with all of this ?"

His face looked like I had slapped him. He shook his header and took the bottle from my hand. Twisting it give, he looked at me,"Boy, you got your fountainhead turned right around in all of this. I didn't come over here for you to be a shoulder for me to cry on, I came over here to be there for you…"he rolled his eyes,"for once."

I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and for the low fourth dimension in a very long metre, it wasn't directed at me… this time, well, this time, it was directed inward. I could see how disappointed in himself he was.

He took a big drink and looked me deep in the oculus,"Boy, I've been a real fuckface."

I started to protest and he held his hand up,"No. Just fucking listen for once."He took a deep breathing place and blew it out through his olfactory organ,"I've been an asshole… a total and finish blunderer and I want you to have it off how drab I am…"

I took the bottle from him and took a big drink out of it, the quick liquid burning its way down my pharynx like a swarm of bees… I shook my head at him,"Doesn't mean shit, dad, and it's not all your geological fault. I could have been a man, I could have cornered you on it. I could have smacked you upside the mind and told you to stop over being an asshole. I could suffer made you order me, and a lot of this shit would have been a whole lot better had I done it."My heart flashed and met his, I offered him the bottle,"It's on me as much as you."

He shook his foreland at me, taking the bottleful and taking a big drag from it.

"Where's your head at right now, kid ?"He asked me.

I shook my head.

"You planning on murdering Casey, grabbing Roo and heading to Mexico ?"

"Nope."I told him, taking a big drink from the bottle,"My Spanish people sucks… I was thinking of heading to Canada…"

He laughed,"Shitty plan. Too loose for them to spin around you back from the Great ovalbumin North…"

I sighed,"Yep. Figured that… guess I'll just have to let her live and figure this out…"

We sat side by slope on the lounge for a few minutes, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. We passed the bottle back and forth, hitting it hard each time.

It was me that finally broke the quiet,"Three fucking years. I've lost three fucking years with my minuscule girl, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

He took another swallow, his head bobbing,"Yep. lifespan's a kick sometimes…"

I snorted, feeling the whiskey start to quetch in, the warm burning in my chest, the slackening of my muscles, the fuzziness in my headspring that made the pain feel so much less. I had never realize how hoi polloi had lost so much of themselves to the allure of the hard liquor. Now… now I understood. I felt the pain start to unthaw away, felt it get going to not matter so much anymore.

I didn't want that. I needed to palpate the razorblades flash between my finger. I needed to know how this felt, and so I latched onto it, I pulled the pain closer to myself…"What the ass am I supposed to do ?"

Dad took another puff from the bottle,"Well, I guess that depends on what the screwing you want to do ?"

I looked at him from the turning point of my eye,"Helpful. What's that mean value ?"

He shrugged,"Well. Seems like you have some options…"His centre pinned me down,"Though none of them get you that three years back with your slight girl… so just put that shucks right the fuck out of your mind."

I nodded, feeling the gloominess and decisiveness of that settle into my gut… like ash into the lead, those years were gone…

"Yeah, I know that…"I admitted sadly.

He frowned, and I could feel how sorry for that he was. How practically it hurt him to see the suffering in me. He took another deeply breath,"You could just put your shit back in your motortruck and school principal north again."

I started to protest and he again held his hand up,"No. Fuck that,"He told me emphatically,"A lot of men would do exactly that. They'd look at that bitch and severalize themselves, ‘ she wants to raise a kid on her own, ok !'they'd tell themselves that she thought they weren't good enough for her the number 1 time and now, now that she was circling back them that they were too good for her, and they'd hit the road."

My jaw set in wrath as I even considered such a route. I promised myself, no matter what, I'd never be that man. I shook my pass fiercely,"Not an option."

He nodded sadly, and I could tell that while a character of him was deeply lofty of me for choosing not to take the easygoing road, there was something about that that made him even sadder,"Thought so…"

He took another pulling from the nursing bottle and passed it to me."So, seems to me you have to enter out what you're prosperous with."

My left eye twitched,"You mean what she's well-fixed with, don't you ?"

His center took on a fierceness I had not seen much of since Deb had come into his life,"No, I don't boy. You see, this isn't about her anymore. This is about the kid. Your kid. Yeah, it's hers too, but the two of you need to decide together. It ain't about you, and it ain't about her. It's about Roo. For right now, you need to step up and prescribe how you're going to participate in Roo's life. Casey has very picayune say in that. You need to determine whether you're a share of her life or not, whether you're a paycheck to help get her what she needs, whether you're an ass in the tip, or whether you're a part of her daily lifespan. Whether you're there for her, or whether you're her don. That's your initiative step. Everything else falls in personal line of credit behind that decision."

I took a abstruse crapulence from the bottle, feeling a little bit of revulsion with myself for getting slammed when I had a slight girl… somehow, it just didn't seem right to me…

"I'm going to be her father."I finally decided."I'm going to be a good father."

"And if Casey doesn't want that ?"He asked me.

I took another deep drink,"Then fuck Casey…"

That's what got you into this mess up asshole ! My brain shouted at me, laughing hysterically.

I took another cryptic beverage to shut that SOB up.

Dad frowned, nodding his caput with obvious pride,"Good for you. So that decision is made."

I nibbled at my bottom lip, trying to think."And what do I do about Casey ?"

He sighed a weary suspiration, taking another crapulence from the bottle."fountainhead, that, that's another can of worms…"

I took a deep breath…

I was not going to wish asking this…

"What would you do ?"I asked.

He shook his capitulum,"Nope. No way in nether region I'm answering that. biography's too short to be living the misery individual else picks out for you."He looked at me,"asset, maybe for once in my life I'd be smart to realize that maybe my unspoiled one-half is smarter than I am. She seems to think you're the 2d coming…"He took another sip out of the bottle,"And I think she might just be right. That you might just be stupid enough to do the flop thing because you think it is the right matter. I don't want to be putting any stupid person ideas in your head teacher about what the right wing conclusion is…"

I laughed and took the nursing bottle back from him…"And what does Deb tell you ? What did she secern you to recite me to do ?"

He threw his nous back and laughed, the strong drink getting into his point,"She thinks you should run over there this instant and slap a halo on that girl while you've got her over the barrel. She seems to call back that if you asked that daughter to splice you, the guilt of what she just pulled might just push her into saying yes."

I looked at him and took another drink,"And what do you guess about that ?"

He took the bottle back from me, sipping at it,"I think if you do that, you better be a honest man than I am."

I looked at him, realizing for the outset time how much affect the alcoholic beverage was having on me, as it seemed as if I was starting to shake, even as I sat there."How's that ?"

He sipped at the bottle again,"Look. I'm not gallant of it, but had a woman done to me, what that woman did to you, and I was twenty-two… I'd have knocked her teeth out the back of her skull…"

I nodded, taking another drink from the feeding bottle,"I thought about it."

He nudged me with his arm,"Of course of study you thought about it. Any man with any sense of pridefulness would have."He nudged me again,"Proud of you that you didn't though…"

I let my capitulum free fall back onto the rear of the couch. Some of that was just being tired, but the enceinte component was to try to get the world to stop spinning for a second.

"If you do determine to do that, you better get your foreland straight first,"He continued.

I lifted my head and raised my eyebrow,"knock her teeth out ?"

He gave me a good story face and judder his read/write head,"No. Time for that's passed. I mean if you do decide to slap a annulus on that girl. Sounds like a passably stupid idea to me. Too much need for both of you to forgive and forget…"

I drunkenly slapped myself on the chest,"What's she got to forgive me for ?"

He looked at me dumbly,"For not noticing ? For not just grabbing her up and riding off on your white Equus caballus ? Who fucking knows ? womanhood are crazy."He sat and swayed for a sec,"Not what I meant though. That young lady is going to be carrying a lot of guilt. If you two are even going to recollect of making a go at it, she's going to necessitate to learn to forgive herself. She's going to need to campaign passed her bad decisions. And that means you're fucked."

I tilted my question back towards him,"You mean I'm even more be intimate ?"

He smiled and nodded,"Yep."

I raised an eyebrow at him,"How's that ?"

He sighed and took another drink from the bottle."See, you're going to want to forgive her."

He looked me up and down,"And I don't mean value you need to say the words and then pretend that everything's O.K.. You need to ascertain a way to forgive her,"He tapped me in the chest,"In here,"Then he smacked me in the foreland,"And in here. Not going to be easy."

He drank from the bottle again,"This ain't one of those things that can be brought up and chewed on every time the two of you can't adjudicate if dinner party is going to be steak or pork chops tonight. Imagine how those conversations play out, ‘ I want to go out to the new movie ! ’, ‘ No ! I want to continue in tonight, plus you hid my daughter from me ! ’, see what I'm saying ?"

I nodded. It was a point I hadn't considered before…

If I wanted her, I needed to give her an entirely fresh start…

I had to forgive, and not only forgive, but forget…

He raised the bottle at me,"See ? Fucking hard, huh ?"

I nodded dumbly,"aliveness sucks…"

He threw his head back and laughed."Doesn't it ?"

I threw my head over and looked at him, tired of thinking about my own shitty problem,"So what are you doing to do about Deb ?"

He sat, a deer in headlights look on his facial expression. I could see he didn't like the question, didn't want to answer it. At its heart, I was asking him how he was going to plow this if thing went south. How he was going to go on living…

His eyes filled with split."Boy… I already put one wife in the ground… I can't,"He shook his brain,"I can't do it again…"

I put my arm around him and pulled him close, taking the bottle from him.

He clung to it for a second, holding it tight… like he was holding on to Deb…

"I can't…"He whispered,"I think I'll just lay down… maybe find a way to go join her…"

I sat up, a smile on my aspect. Leaning in close to him, I wrapped my hand in his shirt.

And gave him the hard fucking waggle I had ever given him in my life. His eyes went all-embracing, and I could see just a humble paring of fear in them as I screamed at him,"Don't you even think of it you fucking pussy !"

I gave him another firm wag."Just put that fucking thought right out of your fucking head ! You don't have that right."I leaned in ending to him, my voice dropping to a growl,"If she dies, you're going to have sex up your courage and you're going to put your shoulder to the roulette wheel again. You're going to put her into the ground, and then you're going to man the fuck up. You're going to train precaution of Adrianna, like a do it man ! You have a daughter too asshole ! If Deb goes, who's going to take care of your footling girl ?"

He looked down, and I could see the shame in his eyes…"Boy…"he shook his head,"I wasn't made for this parenting shit… your momma was. Deb is…"he looked down, feeling sorry for himself,"I never was. seem how bad I fucked it up with you."

My center narrowed,"fucking you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

I hit myself in the thorax,"What's incorrectly with me ? I'm gon na be a fucking lawyer !"

He shook his chief sadly at me,"That was all Debby… and your momma…"

I pushed him back, letting go of his shirt roughly,"Bullshit. You were there too. For every candy kiss over every genuflect knee, you were the one telling me to get my ass back on the bike. To block up being a pussy and go back at it. You think that just came from Deb ? That thing that makes us get back up and keep fighting ?"

I poked him in the chest harder than was necessary,"That was you. Re is going to need that. She's going to ask you to pick her back up and sprinkle her off and distinguish her to get her ass in gear mechanism. You're going to involve to oblige her while she sobs. You're going to demand to produce surely she goes to school. You're going to need to spend a penny sure that she doesn't screwing her life up. Who else is going to do that for her ?"

The more I said to him, the more than I realized that every word of it applied to me just as much as it applied to him. I was a father now. I had a trivial girlfriend. Every duty I was lecturing him about having, I had too…

He smiled,"I will… but I know you would too, if I wasn't around."

I narrowed my eyes at him,"I would. But if you check yourself out… I'm taking a dump on your grave…"

He smiled,"You might."

I pointed at him,"No. I will. And not just once. I mean, I'm driving there every metre I feel like it, and taking a diddly-squat on your grave."

He laughed, shaking his head…"We figure anything out here tonight ?"

I took another drink from the bottle,"We figured out I'll dickhead on your grave…"

He threw his head back on the couch, laughing,"I already knew you were going to do that. I mean with you, with me."

I elbowed him, taking another drink. I knew I was drunk, but didn't care… I was finishing this feeding bottle tonight."We figured out both of us are going to man up, no thing what, and take care of our little girls."

He struggled up to his feet, taking the bottleful from me as he went. He took one terminal drink from it."Make you a deal ?"

I nodded.

"We'll both take care of our minuscule girls, and we'll both try to take care of our ladies ?"

I took the bottle back from him."tinker's damn straight."I held the feeding bottle up,"I'm keeping this."

He smiled at me, swaying drunkenly."Go ahead. I'm too fucking old to be polishing bottle off… I'm going home…"

I raised the bottle and took another drink, noticing that the bottle was disturbingly low…"I'd walk you to the room access, but I'm too much of an asshole…"

He smiled at me, chuckling…"That you are boy… that you are…"



Chapter 14

I sat for a patch in the duskiness, sipping from the bottle. I thought of my little missy and all the thing I had missed…

I started to descend into a fountainhead of self-pity again…

Then I realized something that drove shame straight into the warmness of me…

I thought of a lesson my dad had taught me. Some picayune thing, but something important nonetheless…

I had gotten some bad score from a instructor that didn't like me. My dad had gotten pissed at me, and I had done what every other kid since the beginning of time had done. I had blamed the teacher. I had told him she was out to get me…

He went and met the instructor, and had a conference with her. When he came home, he looked me straight in the eye and told me I was right, that noblewoman really did hate me, and she was going to do everything in her power to crap sure I failed her class…

I looked at him with vindication and asked when he was pulling me out of the class. He told me that there was no way he was going to do that. That I needed to con a example about the world… sometimes life-time isn't fair.

I had argued, pointing out that the grades she was giving me were unfair and he looked at me and asked,"If you walk down a dark alleyway, and a guy jumps out of the tincture, beats the shit out of you and takes your billfold, who's fracture is it ?"

"The robber's"I had screamed,"He shouldn't be robbing people."

Dad had nodded sagely,"And maybe that's the lesson you learn. You're the victim. So, the adjacent night, you walk down the same dark alley, and the Same guy leap out, and tucker your ass, and takes your wallet… now who's at fault ?"

I wanted to say it was still the robber's defect. No matter what decisions someone else makes, nobody has the rightfulness to be a criminal…

But I also realized, in that office I would be at fault too… I had a choice. I could walk down that alley, or I could learn my lesson and go a dissimilar way…

"Well, it would be both of our faults…"I mumbled.

Dad nodded sagely,"Now the future night, you walk down that like back street, and the Lapp guy jumping out, beats your ass and takes your wallet. Now who's at fault ?"

I gave him what I'm sure now was a smart assed feel,"Okay, at some point in time, you need to learn your lesson and bring in that something is going to go badly. Now you'd be at fault for making yourself into a victim."

He smiled at me,"But if that's true the thirdly time, doesn't it make it true the first clip ?"

I sat and thought about it…

"Now, bad matter can happen, but when they do, if the only lesson you take out of them is that you're the victim, the Lapplander thing is just going to keep on happening…"

I sat and thought about it,"I don't see what that has to do with this instructor crapping on my grades."

He shrugged,"Yeah, she gave you some bad class. That's unfeigned. Who turned in the work ? Who gave her room to give them bad degree ? When you got the first one, what did you do ? Did you meliorate the lineament of the workplace ? Or did you befuddle up your work force and make yourself a victim and keep walking down that same dark alley ?"

I had stayed in that class… I improved the work I was doing. In the end, I had pulled my ground level up from a D to a B. I learned two important lesson that day. The inaugural was that there were shipway to make certainly that the calibre of the work you did was so beneficial, there was no way that someone could shit on it…

The second lesson I had learned, was that no thing what happened, you weren't a victim. Everything that happens gives you a chance to pick up from it. That lesson may suck. It may anguish, but how you responded to it determined who you were. You could learn and make yourself stronger, and smarter, or you could sit there in the mud and cry, and betoken a finger.

One choice made your animation better.

The other choice made it worse.

In the end, it was our choice.

Casey had kept my small girl from me for three year, dependable.

In that time, I had missed every important consequence that my little girl had experienced.

I had missed her 1st breath.

Her first cry.

Her first meal.

I hadn't been there when she said her world-class word.

When she took her first off step.

I had not been there when she was laid into her bed for the first time…

All of that had been taken from me.

Today, I chose to miss her waking up.

I chose to pretermit her getting dressed.

I chose to miss her getting breakfast.

I chose to miss her entire day…

Today, I was to blame…

I chose to overleap today.

For what ? My superbia ? That stupid, empty thing ?

For my anger ? For something that really did nobody any in effect ?

Who was to blame for that ?

shag that ! Not anymore ! My drunken encephalon screamed at me. Get your ass up !

I stumbled up from the couch and went to the door. Stepping out into the summertime night, I watched the moths bat at the deoxyephedrine of the streetlights as I weaved my way drunkenly to Casey's house…

I nearly fell walking up her stairs…

I knocked on her front door.

I decided, then and there.

I didn't want to see Casey. I didn't want to face her.

I did need my little daughter. I wanted to see my little Roo…

Casey opened the doorway, her human face red, her eyes puffy. She had been crying…

She took one face at me, standing there, swaying drunkenly…

A bark of laughter managed to squeeze itself out of her before she shut it off.

"Are you drunk ?"She asked me.

I smiled at her… I couldn't help but smile at her when she gave me that smiling. It was like the sun on my face on a frigidness winter day. Like the air was in the world just for me.

"Yep."I announced as I held up the feeding bottle I hadn't even realized I had carried over from my place…"The good clobber too."

She crossed her arms in that sexy way she always did… that way that made me just want to walk up to her, and pull her into my munition. To kiss those beautiful lips… to let my digit walk their way down her vertebral column, to palpate her peel on mine.

I swallowed passed the oaf in my throat, and licked my brim."You look very beautiful when you stand like that…"

lugubriousness filled her oculus,"Maybe you shouldn't talk like that."

I took another drink from the bottle, thinking about that,"Fuck it. It's true. I might as well say it."

I pointed into her house,"Can I see her ?"

She looked me up and down,"She's sleeping."

I looked at the floor, trying to get the image of Casey out of my mind…

Finally, I looked up at her and said, stupidly,"I'll be lull ?"

She gave me that look only a female parent can seem to have down pat. That look that said you're a drunk asshole…

Finally, she stepped aside and waved me in.

I stepped into her house, trying hard to keep my residual and not embarrass myself any more. It was going to be a tough affair I realized, as I nearly tripped over the two-inch step into the menage. Casey stepped in front of me and caught me…

"That was embarrassing…"I muttered as I straightened myself back out.

Casey gently took the bottle from my hand…"Maybe you should let me confine on to this ?"

I nodded, relinquishing the bottle,"Probably a good idea."

I patted her on the mind,"You're a respectable friend… you always look out for me."

She smiled, a touch of sadness in her eyes…"She's in her way. Please try to be quiet and not wake her…"

I smiled the smile of a boozy fool…

As I stumbled past her I looked back, gesturing at the bottle she was holding,"That's the in force stuff… you should finish it… I've had too much…"

She smiled and looked at the bottle,"Okay."

I stumbled back to piddling Roo's room. The door was open just a crack, a slight nightlight the only ignitor in the elbow room. Even drunk as I was, I knew better than to bend the unhorse on…

I wanted to see her. To watch my slight saint sleep. I left the doorway afford, throwing Light across her little face as she slept, and crept into the room. Going to the niche of the room, I grabbed a glider chair and pulled it closer to the bed, sitting down.

I sat and watched her sleep while I rocked back and forth in the chair. I watched her for a very farsighted time…

I studied the little lines of her perfect face, seeing so very much of the charwoman I loved there. Her hair, her small nose. The curve of her graceful lips.

The more I looked though, the More of myself I saw in her little face. My cheeks, my skin color.

I tented my hands across my lap and felt the terrific mix of pleasance and happiness my short girl gave me, like a lovesome cup of hot chocolate on a cold wintertime day. Like that first big drink of lemonade after a arduous day of working in the summer sun.

I was beginning to drift off when a shadow threw itself across my angel…

I looked in the doorway and there she was. I knew, just from looking at her, I loved her as much in that instant as I had the for the first time day when she had held her little helping hand out to me…

As much as I had loved her the night I had taken her to prom.

As much as I had the morning after we had conceived little Roo, when I had woken to incur her clutched in my arms…

I remembered then how happy I had been to regain her there. How complete I had felt with her in my arms, her affectionate dead body pressed against mine. The way her hairsbreadth had smelled as she lay pillowed against my chest. I remembered how I had pulled her tighter to me, desperate to finger her against my body. I remembered how much I had wanted to kiss her… and how my fear had made me too much of a Noel Coward to follow through.

I remembered how she had woken, and how she had slipped out of my arms, embarrassed to give woken there…

And I remembered how alone I had felt once she had left. How incomplete…

I smiled at her as she stood there in the doorway, watching me and our picayune female child. She smiled back at me,"Do you want me to get a blankey ? So, you can kip in here tonight ?"She whispered.

I shook my top dog sadly,"No. I should go home. I don't want her to come alive and find me,"I gestured to myself,"like this."

She giggled, holding her hand over her mouth,"sot ?"

I nodded, then didder my head,"No. Feeling sorry for myself…"

The smiling fell from her face and her eyes fell to the story as she nodded, swallowing past the lump I knew would be in her throat…"It's okay…"

I forced myself to my foot, and leaned over my niggling daughter. Kissing the side of her head, I whispered into her ear,"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out baby girl… but I promise… I'll never leave you alone again…"

I gave her one more, one littler buss as she squirmed and repositioned herself, cursing myself for a fool for having disturbed her sleep.

I made myself walk out of the way. Casey let me passed, and followed tight behind me. I could feel her there, her presence comforting, and so a good deal like home…

It made me realize why…

How on that first Night I was on my way back. After I had found out mom was in the hospital. I was in the hand truck, and I was thinking, I'm on my way home…

I had wondered to myself what made it home…

Then I realized. plate was wherever Casey was…

I took a deep, sighing breathing time and tried to stabilize myself as I turned back to her. Her look was so beautiful. So complete. It was everything I could ever want in a face.

Looking at her, I tried to find the hate I had felt for her, tried to line up the ire I had held onto all day…

And like that. With one look at her, I couldn't remember any of it.

She stepped near to me…"We should talk…"

I nodded stupidly and held a finger up to her backtalk, feeling her perfectly kissable lips."Not tonight, okay ? I'm drunk… and stupid…"

She nodded and smiled at me as my finger traced its way down from her lips to her jaw."I'm sorry."She whispered.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, realizing how much I wanted her…

I knew I had to tell her…

"That night…"I began as her eyes found mine,"When we made Roo ?"

Her eyes found the floor, and I had to put my digit beneath her chin and force her eyes back up to mine…

Her typeface melted and somehow, even crying I found a way to have intercourse her facial expression even more…

"I wanted you…"I whispered.

She gave me a sad smile,"You were drunk, how could you know you wanted me ?"

I leaned in closer to her,"Because I'm drunk right now… and I want you…"

My lips found hers. A small, loving kiss… my top lip finding the slur above hers, the small mark of electricity that pounded through my body every clock time I kissed her…

My weapons system found their way around her as I lifted her higher, making her easier to kiss…

Her munition found their way around my neck as she lifted herself higher into my arms.

Neither of us pressed the kiss any farther than it needed to go, and when we separated, I looked into her too trench, too brown eye. She had binge in them, and I reached up and wiped them away…

"I'm sorry…"She whispered once again.

I leaned in and kissed her frontal bone to let her have it away it was going to be okay…

When I leaned back she looked deeply into my eyes…"You can have me tonight… if you want…"

I felt lust for her shaft through my dead body as I pulled her into another rich kiss. I felt my body start to respond to her…

Felt her tongue on mine…

Heard her strained, panting breather as she met my kiss viciously…

Smelled the shampoo of her fuzz, the max on her skin…

I let my kisses trail down her facial expression, finding her neck…

My hands found their way up under her shirt…

I let them trail across her battlefront, and move around to her back. My finger dug into the knobbed muscular tissue there…

I somehow managed to find the military strength to pull away from her…

It was like escaping the gravitational force of a black hole…

She looked at me, love, and wonder, and lust spread across her face…

I hoped this wouldn't hurt her too much…"Not tonight…"I whispered…

gloominess played across her optic again, but this clock time, this clip she did not cry…"Why ?"She whispered back to me,"It doesn't have to mean anything. You can suffer me this evening, and in the morning, you can go back to hating me."

I smiled at her…"I don't hate you…"

She nodded and wrapped her weapon system around herself…"I understand…"

I felt her pain… I knew she took it as rejection, and the bitch of the matter was… there was no way to make her not feel that bother. I wanted her, I wanted to be with her with every inch of my physical structure.

I was wino, and considering our history, there was no way that I could have her and her not recollect that it was just a repeat of our first meter together… I tried desperately to opine of a way for me to have her and to have her not believe of it as her just having her way with me because I had no control…

I took her school principal between my hands…"No."I told her, shaking my head,"You don't…"

I closed my eye and tried to imagine, tried to make my brain head start working right again. I hated the way the booze made me feel now…

I pulled her in and kissed her forehead…"My mom is going in for surgery tomorrow. Can you be there ?"

Her eyes flashed up to mine…"I shouldn't… I mean…"

I kissed her frontal bone again."Please. I need you. I need you to be there with me… to be there for me. I need you to be my family. I'm begging you."

She put her helping hand to my lips…"Shhh… arrest. Please. I'm sorry. I'll be there. I promise…"

I pulled her tight, hugging her with all my might…"Thank you."

She tapped me, giggling a little,"Thanks… but I need a little breather here…"

Chapter 15

I woke to a throbbing headache the adjacent morning… cursing myself for a fool…"I'm never drinking ever again…"I whined, holding my aching head in my hands…

I was wrapped in a sheet I had bought the day before…

I heard my front threshold open and the pounding whole step of what could only be a herd of wildebeest… or my little sister, Re. She burst through the doorway,"ejaculate on ! Come on ! Come on !"She squealed at the top of her lungs…

My headway did a backflip into a molten puddle of lava…

"Oh my god… how fucking flash do you necessitate to be ?"I croaked.

She jumped up onto my bed, screaming at the top of her lungs,"You got ta get up ! You got ta get up ! You got ta get up in the aurora !"

I reached back and grabbed one of her metrical unit and pulled it out from beneath her. She fell with a screech and then dropped backwards off the bed with a yelp…

She hit the floor with a thumping that I could find through the bed.

"That suffering ! Asshole !"She whined.

I chuckled, feeling better suddenly as I let my head downfall back onto my pillow.

"Why are you being so fucking loud ?"

She giggled as she grabbed the edge of the bed and started to pull herself up.

"Because I know you're so fucking hungover you can't see straight !"She announced with glee.

I looked back at her, execution in my eyes…"And do you experience why I'm hungover ?"I asked, my part nearly a growl…

I saw the terror in her eyes… then the shame.

I felt bad for having played that card for something so petty…

At the Sami time, I had promised her that if she gave me one day I would secern her what was going on between me and Casey. She had given me that day. I was grateful that individual had saved me the pain in the neck of having to tell apart her…

A sinful smiling spread across her face…"Because you drank too a great deal !"She screamed as she jumped across the bed and grabbed me."Wakey ! Wakey !"She screamed.

I started laughing…

That brought her up short…"Why are you laughing ?"

I smirked at her,"Because I'm naked under this sheet."

She jumped back like she had touched a dwell wire"Eww… that's fucking gross bro ! Why didn't you warn me !"

I laid back on the bed, watching her squirm as she threw her hand over her eye."144, gross, gross !"She cried as she ran to the door and closed it behind her."Now I need to go whitener my heart ! Get your ass in gear ! We need to get moving !"

I laughed all the way to the shower, thinking about how uncomfortable she was…

When I got out, I toweled off and grabbed the cheap twain of clothes I had bought along with the sheets yesterday. I really needed to take aim maintenance of my vesture situation…

We got in my truck and headed out for the hospital.

As soon as we got out of the lagger common, Re looked at me,"So, I was right… Roo's yours."

I rolled my eyes…"Yes, she's mine."

She nibbled at her lip…"So, did you lie to me then ?"

I looked at her, realizing now how much that would hurt her… how much finding out that I had lied to her would tear her apart…

"No. Its… complicated. It was a boozy hookup…"It wasn't completely accurate… it left out a lot of details… but I just couldn't bring myself to recite her that Casey had taken the prospect and jumped at it.

"I didn't remember in the morning…"

She looked at me,"But she did."

I nodded, feeling horrible for having lied to her, even if it was a lie of omission.

It was then I realized… I realized how easy it was. I realized how easy it was to pop letting the ball cast and how easily it snowballed into something that was uncontrollable.

I couldn't do that…"I was leaving. She decided that she wanted me. I was too wassail, and she panicked. She hid it from me thinking I would reject her, that I would be pissed for having taken ‘ advantage ’."

She looked at me,"So she raped you ?"

The ira in my eyes as I snapped back to face her caused her to squinch back from me.

"No !"My voice was nearly a growl as it ripped its way out of me. Like I was some sort of caged beast…

Her hesitancy only held for a bit, and then she snapped back at me,"Oh really ? If she were a guy and you were a young woman that's what everyone would get called it. How is this different ?"

I shook my point at her…"I wanted it. I've wanted it since I was old enough to even opine of wanting it…"

She shook her pass back at me,"Bro… you have a gift for making matter really complicated…"

I tightened my hands on the direction wheel,"Tell me about it…"

"aspect, I know you don't want to get word it, but even if you did want it, that doesn't excuse what she did after… Roo is yours. She hid that from you…"I could hear the wrath in her voice…

I looked at her, suddenly art object of the puzzle started falling into piazza."Wait a minute, how'd you find out about this ?"

She smiled at me,"Mom told me. Last nighttime. She told me not to talk to you about it, to let you run through it on your own."

I chuckled, a self-depreciating, mirthless chuckle,"And you decided the starting time matter you'd do was bring it up ?"

She smiled at me,"I'm fourteen bro. It's practically in the charter for me to not take heed to my mom…"

I shook my psyche at her, and licked my lips,"And if I don't want to talk about it ?"

She sighed,"I just want you to get forethought of yourself. I know you, and I know you'd cut your pith out if you thought it would do her a bit of in force. You'd do the Lapplander thing if any of us needed you…"

I sighed,"So what do you need me to do ? You want me to just walk away from Roo, from Casey ? To just pretend I don't sense the way that I feel ?"

She scratched her head… thinking."I don't know. I just want you to cerebrate. I want you to do what's substantially for you…"she paused before she looked at me,"for once. I want you to deal about you. I need you to care about you."

I shook my heading,"Remember what you told me about me and her, about sobriety ? So what would you do if you were me ?"

She sighed…"Yeah… I get it…"Her eyes snapped to me,"Doesn't mean I have to care it. I'm still going to pink her right the fuck out when I see her."

I shook my head at her,"Please. Be good. delight just pass on it be. I'm begging you. Don't pour gas on the fire. Let me do work this out."

She sighed again, nodding,"I guess I can do that. I just postulate to keep my distance from her…"

I eyed her from the edge of my vision."Yeah… about that."

I could see her grind her teeth."She's going to be there today, isn't she ?"

I smiled,"Yep."

She was seething…"Why. This is a family matter. She's not family."

I whirled on her, my ira finally snapping,"She's not ? She's the mother of my fucking youngster ! Whether you like it or not, that's not going to change."I managed to put something of a damper on it, managed to push some of my anger down into a deep, dark hole."Besides. This isn't about that. It's about mom, and what's best for her."I looked at her,"You don't reckon your mom is scared out of her mind ? You don't think that maybe, just maybe, before she goes under the knife, she might want to see her grandchild ?"

Her eyes slid shut down and I saw her scream at herself for her second of thoughtlessness. I watched as she put the pieces together. Finally, she nodded,"You're proper. I should sustain seen it. Roo will avail her…"

We spent the relaxation of the car ride in silence. When we got to her room, my dad, Casey and Roo were already there. Roo was sitting in Deb's bed with her. Deb was positively glowing…

I looked at Adrianna, a smiling on my face a knot wide."See ?"

She nodded, and gave me a bit of a smile… then she gave Casey the dirtiest look I had ever seen one cleaning lady give another… and I've been around adult female my whole life…

Casey took it in stride. She smiled at me, and gave a nod of deference to Re. I could see her admit the pain in the neck, conduct on another burden, recede another friend…

I watched her as she just accepted the burden…

We all made small talk for a piece, and then the Doctor came and got Deb. She put on a brave face and told us she would see all of us later…

We sat in the waiting way, together, as a family. Casey sat with me, her hand in mine the full time. Roo sat on my lap, quietly playing with the niggling pad I had bought her…

She was such a upright little young lady. She was a staring holy person through the entire wait. She played quietly, pausing only occasionally to lay off and give me a petty hug now and again…

Casey smiled each and every time, giving my hand a playful hug whenever my piddling girl took a moment to stop and brighten my day.

Waiting for a loved one while the Doctor are off cutting a art object out of them is a special form of hell…

There's nada to be said, nothing to be done, just sit and time lag, sit and pray…

After a long piece, my dad looked at me,"Kiddo, maybe you should take Roo and go to the cafeteria… it's been a pretty long time lag, she's probably getting hungry…"

I looked at Roo, seeing the hope in her little face.

"Are you hungry push button ?"I asked her

She nodded eagerly, and then pulled her enthusiasm back,"I'll be okay… my tummy's only growling a little…"

I kissed her little header,"Let's go get you something small one…"

She smiled a sweet smile,"Can I have a juice box ?"

I stood, lifting her,"We'll see what we can get."

I looked at Re and Dad as Casey stood with me,"You guys need anything ?"

Dad shook his head,"No, I'm good."

Re grimaced at me, glancing at Casey,"Something sweet ?"

I smiled at her, nodding my fountainhead,"I'll see what I can compute out."

Casey and I took Roo downstairs. I noticed she kept a little bit of remainder between us as we walked.

I carried Roo the whole way, just enjoying the feel of her little body against mine. I realized then, how restrained of a piffling young lady she was. She did a lot of watching what was going on around her, soaking up every little thing she could, her eyes latched onto any picayune thing as I could see the gears in her head working to figure out what was happening. She paid particular attention to people…

I looked over at Casey, who was walking with her head down."She's a pretty quiet kid, isn't she ?"

Casey looked at me, then at Roo,"Yeah… she's just like her da-…"I could secern she was going to say ‘ like her dad'but she cut herself off and looked at the trading floor again. She nodded quickly,"Something she gets from you I think…"She settled with.

I felt the now familiar hunk leap up into my throat again…

Casey nibbled at her lip…"So, we should probably tattle about how we're going to tell her…"

I looked at her, a look I know that was way too gloomy."I don't think that's something we should talk about just now…"

Casey's optic snapped back to the floor. I could see attaint, and disappointment smash back up and originate nipping at her heels…

She nodded that same quick nod,"Yeah… I'm…"She took a breather and swallowed, the graceful heftiness in her neck betraying her nervousness,"I'm sorry."

She shook her head difficult,"Jake. I need you to talk to me. I need to know what you're thinking… this is killing me."

I took a trench breath, aware of the little young lady in my arms. Roo put her little thumb in her mouth and leaned into me as I carried her. A funny affectation… one I had never seen her do before. It hit me then that she was probably picking up on the latent hostility between her mommy and me. Kids were law-abiding little beast, and I needed to realize that I needed to start using my brain a blaze of a lot more than I had in the last brace of days…

It hit me then. A few days ago, I had been standing in my living way, hundreds of naut mi away from here, ducking a ceramic bear thrown at me by an entirely different woman…

My only concern had been trying to put to work my way through that problem. Today, here I was, holding the three-year-old daughter I hadn't even known I had and trying to work through with her female parent how we were going to get all of this figured out and set straight…

How had my lifespan gotten so off track ?

How had affair gotten so fucking bad ?

I slapped myself mentally at the thought. Things weren't bad…

So, facial expression at the adult female you love… The asshole that lived in my judgment whispered. Look at your best friend. Go ahead, just consume a flavor. return her a hug.

I recoiled from the thought. Not the thought of giving Casey a hug, there was a part of me that desperately wanted to do that, but the thought of how bad thing had gotten. I realized they were ill-chosen beyond belief, and I hated that.

Okay, so affair were bad. Bad in a sound sort of way.

I realized then that things weren't good, they weren't bad. They just were.

I also realized how desperately I wanted them to get better.

Then my mind flashed back to something different… something I was ashamed of…

I found myself nibbling at my own modest lip, trying to work up the courage to say something, something important, something that needed to be said.

I looked at Casey,"I'm sorry about last-place night."

She looked at me, the light flashing in her deep brownness eyes for a split second as she tried to bring out what I was talking about…"What do you mean ?"She asked.

I shrugged, bouncing little Roo. Shaking my head, I told her,"It was legal injury of me to show up at your lieu sloshed out of my mind…"

I felt the guilty conscience of it deeply…

She laughed, a bit of joy pushing its way through the deeply lugubriousness that had taken up abidance in her heart too much of latterly."Under the circumstances, I think it's understandable, and excusable."

I felt a surge of ira. Some of it at her, but most of it directed inward."No. It's not. I'm a-…"I stopped myself before I could say I was a Father now…

It was true… the piddling girl in my arms was mine, but I had done nada to merit the deed of conveyance of father. I had responsibleness to my footling girl, and to her mother, but I also needed to see that I had no right to call myself a father. My dad, continuous tense as he was, had earned the right hand. I had not.

I just shook my head and tried to get down past that puffiness again,"I need to be more responsible. I need to initiate acting like a fucking adult…"

Roo piped up,"Owww… you said a bad news !"She scolded.

Casey and I both laughed. One of those inadequate, penetrating chuckles that just sneaks up on you and nail you in the nose…

I looked at Casey,"See ?"

It was like I let the air out of her. I could see the door of ignominy slam shut in her head, reminding her of everything she had done…

I let her pull together her thoughts and turned back to Roo,"I'm sorry pumpkin. You're right field. I need to be more careful. Thank you."

She leaned in, and petted me on the chief,"Don't vexation Jakey… momma says that intelligence all the time too, and she's a good momma."

I felt binge stab at my eyes as I realized how true that was. The guiltiness of letting her, well, I guess that wasn't bazaar, I hadn't let her, I would ingest stood by her had she told me…

It wasn't fucking fair ! There was so much I wanted to change…

I wanted to modify the fact that Casey had needed to go through so a good deal alone.

I wanted to have got been there for so many affair, to throw seen so many things with piffling Roo as she grew up.

Yes, a part of me wanted to hide behind the excuse that I would have had Casey just told me the completely truth, but I also had to actualise that I had made option too. I had allowed her to be alone. I had known she was on her own, and I had elected to stay on off at shoal and let her flounder. In my head, I knew it didn't issue if Roo was mine or not. I should have come home base to be with my Friend. I should have stepped up and made certain she had what she needed in life-time. At the very least I should give birth come home, packed her tinker's dam up and took her home with me. I should ingest thrown her over my fucking shoulder and carried her off kick and screaming if I had had to.

I should have never let her secern me no. I should not have allowed that to be an excuse…

It was then that I realized a nasty truth about myself.

Something I had not wanted to admit. Not even to myself.

I had been mad at her.

The truth was, I had been furious at her.

When she told me she was meaning I remember the howl brute rage that had charged through my judgment at the thought that she had been with another man. I remember the pain and the hurt that came along with it. The horse sense of trespass and betrayal I had felt. My brain kept throwing images of her, her skin sliding along some former man's…

The breakers in my mind threw, even now, at the persuasion of it.

I remember wanting so badly to demand who she had been with. I remember wanting so badly to jump in the car and drive home so I could smash some guy's face in for touching my girl.

And I remember the pain sensation that came with the persuasion of knowing that she was not mine…

That I was too much of a Coward to make her mine…

Too much of a coward…



Chapter 16

It's done… I thought to myself as I stared at the trading floor of the infirmary. My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor coming in the door.

He pulled his mask down and looked at each of us as we all looked to him in repugnance and hope. His face was tomb, serious.

He put his hands on his hips and took a deep breather and I felt my heart start beating faster…

She's dead ! The voice screamed in the back of my head, a cackle of mad laughter escaping his jester's face…

The doc gave a half grinning,"She's in recuperation now…"

You could feel the collective suspiration spread through the room…

My dad stepped forward,"What was it ? How serious ?"

I saw that have-to doe with look come back over the medico's expression and realized then that just by her coming out of operation we were not out of the Natalie Wood yet…

He shook his drumhead,"We're not sure enough. It was the weird blessed thing I've even seen. There was a large mint in her throat, and at the tooshie, this weird fiddling tendril that kind of worked its way down to her thyroid… like it was some kind of thyroid growth."

Re pushed her way to the battlefront,"Is that pattern ?"

I felt a moment of infliction that I smashed down as I avoided snapping at her for asking such a stupid interrogative. If it were normal he wouldn't be saying it was the weirdest beshrew thing he'd ever seen…

The doc looked at her,"No. It's not. I've seen thyroid ontogenesis before, but nothing that's migrated like this. Occasionally you'll see a piddling tendril, but this was two, maybe three column inch of growth before it bloomed out."

"What does it signify ?"My dad asked cautiously.

The doc turned to him,"Right now ? We don't know. We're sending it off to the pathology lab. Could just be a weird ontogeny, could be something to a greater extent serious."

Dad's eyes narrowed,"Something more serious as in malignant neoplastic disease ?"

The doc looked at him with sympathy in his eyes…

I could state what he was thinking, even if he didn't want to admit it. My mom has cancer…

"Yeah, maybe."He hedged.

"What happens then ?"I finally spoke up.

The doc looked at me,"Well. It depends on what we find with the pathology reputation. If there is cancer, we'll evaluate the risk and determine if we take the thyroid gland out, or just a contribution of it. Then, depending on the cancer endangerment, radiation therapy or chemo…"

My substance sank into my stomach…

Casey's script found mine as Re found her way under dad's arm.

The doc looked at each of in turn,"Folks. I don't want to devote you faithlessly hope, but all of that is down the road… focus on today. She's out, and awake. We're going to bring her back in a few minutes and you can chit-chat for a little while, but you all need to earn out in a piffling spell, and let her get some sleep. focal point on the fact that today, she's here, and doing well. okeh ?"

We each nodded…



Chapter 17

We were standing in the parking lot, my full trivial family, minus my mom…

Casey had Roo in her arms… dad had his arm wrapped around Re's shoulders.

Dad looked at me,"fountainhead. I'm about as wrung out as possible. Who's up for dinner, my treat ?"

I put my blazonry on the bed of my truck and looked at them all, trying to sort through all the cerebration flying through my principal. Finally, I made myself focus and said,"I can't. I need to manoeuvre rest home for the dark. There are some things I have to use up tending of. I've put them off too long as it is."

Casey looked at me like a reptilian had just sprung out of my mouth,"The dawdler ? Can't it wait until after dinner ?"

I closed my eyes, realizing how confused I had just made her. I shook my head,"No. I mean I need to go back to my flat. I need to go back to school. I need to get some things, my laptop, wearing apparel, some matter I'm going to necessitate if I'm sticking around for a patch. I also need to let my landlady know that I'm going to be gone for quite a piece and see if she can keep an eye on the home while I'm gone. She may not care that and I might necessitate to give my place up…"

I could see the horror spring up on Casey's grimace. The business organization crawl into my dad's and Re's eyes.

I looked at each of them and smiled,"Don't sweat. I'm going to repel up tonight and get everything packed. I'll stay there tonight and then drive back in the morning."

I looked at Casey,"volition you come with me ?"

Her eyes got wide and I could see panic surge into them."Uh… I… uh… I mean… why ?"

I raised my supercilium at her, and grimaced a little bit,"I think we need to have…"

I was going to say ‘ a nice long chat ’, but decided that was a little too authoritarian…

"I just figured it would hand us a nice opportunity to utter about some of the stuff we need to forecast out ?"I settled. I looked at Re,"Adrianna, will you look out for Roo tonight ?"

The rage that split my short sister's cheek as she gave Casey a feeling of decease was palpable…

Then she looked back at me and I could see the fellow feeling smash back into her center. I knew she was infuriated, and while everyone else in my life sentence was trying really backbreaking to stay out of the middle and stave off being judgmental about the position my slight lunatic was having none of that…

She finally nodded,"Yeah, I can."

I looked at Casey,"Is that OK with you ?"

She scooped Roo up and hugged her tight,"Yeah."I could see she wasn't too happy with it, but she seemed to be taking it in pace,"How ‘ bout you Roo ? You want to go and hang up out with aunty Re ?"

She caught herself, mentally chastising herself like she had let the cat out of the bag…

I gave her a look of understanding as I tried to make her mentally remember, Adrianna had been Roo's Aunty Re since forever… now it was just official.

Roo spun in her mom's arms,"Can we follow Dashie ?"

I raised my eyebrows at Re, finally realizing who had shown Roo the weird guy from YouTube that played video games for a living…

Re rolled her eyes as she plucked Roo from her mom's branch. She looked at me,"Yeah, so I might have shown her a Dashie episode or two…"She looked at Roo,"Thanks a lot you piffling snitch…"she muttered as she bounced her niece.

Roo was not happy with where the conversation ended,"So can we keep an eye on Dashie or not ?"

Re smiled at her,"Your mommy doesn't like you watching Dashie,"Re's eyes wandered over to Casey and I could feel it coming…"So of course, we can ascertain Dashie !"She squealed.

My dad's voice was sharp,"Adrianna !"

Casey put a hand on his arm,"It's okay Walt."

I looked into the bed of my truck, feeling a sudden shattering impression of grief for how messed up things had gotten…

One more job that's going to necessitate repair… I thought to myself miserably.

Casey swallowed hard as her eye got a picayune wet."I had that… and a lot More coming…"

Suddenly Roo balled her little fist up in Re's shirt,"You be dainty to my mommy !"She shouted in Re's face.

Re took a second to register the choler on Roo's face…

"okey ! Okay… I'm sorry."She turned to Casey,"Look, instance, I'm sorr-"

Casey cut her off,"flavor. It's on me. This is sticky for everyone and it's my fault…"

I snapped my hands in a fast drumroll of the rail of my tone arm, trying to head this off at the crack before it got any worse…"guy cable. Let's axial motion. We aren't going to solve all of this in the parking lot of the hospital. It's going to deal time, so let's all just try to give way everyone a time out and get this sorted out, okay ?"

Casey and Re looked at me and nodded. My dad took Roo from Re and bounced her, a majestic little grin on his face as he gave me a sly smile…"Why don't we take little Roo to dinner ? Would that be okay Case ?"

She smiled a sad picayune smiling and nodded,"Yeah. Let me get her seat…"

We got the fanny transferred from Casey's car to my dad's SUV and Casey and I waved as Roo, Re and my Dad backed out of their outer space and headed out of the parking lot.

There was a second of inept silence between the two of us as we stood there, watching the taillights of the car as it drove away…

Casey cleared her throat,"Do we give time for me to run back to my home and drop my car off, maybe get a variety of clothes for tomorrow ?"

I nodded at her,"Yeah, whatever you need…"

A view suddenly occurred to me,"Fuck ! Can you make this work with your employment ?"

She smiled at me. It was a unaccented smile, but I decided to numerate it anyway."Yeah. Today and tomorrow are my mean solar day off."

embossment flooded over me. I had already made matter bad enough for her… I didn't need to be going and messing up her job too…

We took a heartbeat and both of us kind of had that weird bit where we tried to decide to just get in our several cars… or hug… or… what ?

We finally decided on a courteous, unbendable nod to each other…

I followed her back to her place. It started raining on the way. Hard, fat drops of rain that smashed down on the car. One of those sudden summer violent storm that sneaks up and drenches everything as fast as you can blink…

I watched the wipers flip back and Forth River as fast as they could, trying to observe up with the rainwater as I followed her.

We got to her office and she pulled up beneath the little carport. I pulled in behind her and waited while she jumped out of her car, gave me a signal that she'd be just a second and then ran inside. My truck was sitting in the rain, there was no room beneath the carport for both our gondola, and I just sat alone, listening to the hard pelt of water as they hit the cab of the truck.

I didn't really think about much. I knew on some spirit level I should be preparing for what was most probable going to be one of the hardest conversations of my total animation, but something about the integral situation just seemed so overwhelming…

Like it was somehow respectable to put it off. It was going to come, there was no avoiding it, so there seemed to be very little point in working myself up about it and borrowing problems…

I watched as Casey came out of her piffling house, slamming the door behind her. She ran towards the truck in the pelting and for just a mo I forgot about all of my problems. I watched her leaping through the rainwater as it slicked down her red hairsbreadth, plastering it to her case in the rent sec she was out in it. She let out a little yelp as the nip of the water hit her body, and something of the child that is in us all came out to play for just the brief skin second as she ran in the rain and jumped in the truck.

Her human face lit up, and there she was… that young woman I had loved for so long… that smiling, cheerful beauty that had held my heart in the palm of her deal for what seemed care forever…

I looked into her electrical eyes, her shining bright tooth, the drop of rain on her perfect skin…

The whole world fell away as I looked at her and the itch to commit her across the motortruck was so impregnable I almost couldn't resist its siren charm…

She sniffled as she wiped the rainfall from her face and I could see how uncomfortable my naked tone made her…

"Sorry,"I mumbled as she wiped the water supply from her face and moved snug to the door…

She buckled up as I backed out of her driveway and started down the prospicient road ahead of us…

We sat for too long, nearly a full time of day, in muteness. The road pouring out in front man of us, as the rain poured down around us…

It was her that finally found the courage to speak…"I'm so sorry…"she moaned.

I shook my principal sharply."Stop that."I said, too sharply.

She looked at me, tears starting to call for in her heart again… wretchedness painted plain on her human face."I don't know what to do… what to say… I don't…"She floundered.

I held my hand out to her, reaching to her to try to comfort her. She looked at my mitt like it was a snake, and I took a moment to extract it back, letting it fall on the bottom between us.

I kept my centre on the road as I told her,"Look. We can't change what's been done. We need to concentrate on what's coming. What we're going to do."I told her as I snuck a look at her, my heart breaking at both her beauty and at the infliction she was feeling.

She shook her head at me,"What do you entail what we're going to do ?"

I shrugged,"I mean about Roo. About me and you…"

I took a moment and steeled myself… this was the strong question I had ever asked…"Do you need me to be in Roo's aliveness ?"

I felt my heart crumble even putting it to words. A part of me desperately wanted to know, another office of it, lurched away from the mentation that maybe she didn't. I knew if she didn't it would tear me apart, shred my mind like a piece of nitty-gritty dropped into a blender. I wanted to say that I'd engagement tooth and nail to be a percentage of Roo's life… but I knew the truth. If Casey didn't want me around, it was going to be very hard to force myself to force my way in…

A persona of me wondered if that was why she hadn't told me… that maybe she didn't want me to be Roo's father ? Maybe she thought I wasn't secure enough ? Maybe she thought I was too immature ?

She took my hand,"Of course of instruction I want you to be in Roo's life. How could you ask me something so unintelligent ?"

My eyes slipped down, and I forced them back onto the road…"I just thought…"dubiety slammed into my heart,"Maybe, I wasn't practiced enough for her ?"

I snuck a quick flavour at her and saw the heartache smash into her face once again. guilt feelings crashed through me to see that I had, once again, caused her pain.

"Jake…"She said as fresh split fell down her face…

She pulled her hand from mine and wiped her face with both hands angrily…

"God, I've fucked this up so badly !"She said suddenly. Her phonation was so sharp it pulled me up suddenly…

"Jake. You are the best man I've even known and Roo couldn't hope for a better Padre. A better dad. None of this is about you, all of this quite a little is about me. All of it is about the stupid decisions that I made because I was too practically of a Noel Coward to take what I'd done to you."

She shook her head,"Goddamn it ! How could I have done this to you ?"

A component part of me wanted to bring her back to task. To remind her that the mind here wasn't to dumbfound up on her, but to figure out how we were going to relieve oneself this starting signal working…

Then I realized, I wasn't innocent of beating up on myself either…

"So, what does that flavour like ?"I asked her cautiously."I mean, me. Me and Roo ? I mean, I can be like her uncle, or she could just see me as some form of friend…"

My representative caught in my pharynx as I realized how badly I didn't want that. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know I was her dad, that I loved her, that I would die to protect her…

I snuck another spirit at Casey, and saw the look of pure repulsion on her boldness."You're her dad, and that's what you're going to be to her."

I saw her catch herself…"I mean, if that's what you want to be."

She clenched her jaw,"Jake. I have no rights here… I did this, and now I have to live with the aftermath. If you want to just walk away, then you can. If you want to be her dad, then that's what you'll be. If you just want to be her friend…"Her voice caught.

I grabbed her script, trying to pull out her spine to me,"I want to be her dad Casey !"

Tears filled my eyes as I felt respite pour into me…

My footling girl ! I was going to get to grow my little fille !

Casey forced her pilus back behind her spike and swallowed hard…"That's good."I could see her emotion threaten to flood out her again… could see the iron determination she used to force it back down…

"How do we tell her ?"I asked her cautiously…

She let out a harsh snort, something approaching a harsh chuckle…"I have no shtup clue…"



Chapter 18

We spent the rest of the trip discussing the logistics of how we were going to make the transition piece of work. We decided that tomorrow, when we got home, we'd sit Roo down and explain to her that I was her dad. We talked at length about the fact that that was going to be a very difficult conversation. We discussed and rehearsed what doubt would be asked. How she would react. What to do if she lost her little mind…

It was an absolutely crappy conversation…

By the time we got to my place, we had well-nigh of the specific worked out, and both of us were exhausted by a very emotional and tiring day…

I led her upstairs to my flat, being as considerate to my neighbors as humanly possible, considering that it was getting late…

I let us both in and let her tramp around the apartment. She stopped by the ruined ceramic bear and gave me a questioning look…

I smiled at her, a weak grinning, but a smile nonetheless…

"My survive girlfriend broke up with me… she broke him first…"

It hit me then that even in the worst tempest, there was always a silver lining. I imagined for a irregular how that would take worked, how that would hold gone down… ass. How bad would things experience been had that relationship been going while I was trying to work through all of this ?

Another flashbulb of pity smashed through me as I thought of Alyssa. I thought of the six months of her life that I had wasted in a relationship when I was obviously completely in love with Casey…

I forced the thought out of my mind… there was zippo that I could do about that now…

"What ?"She asked me.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts…"cypher. Sorry."

She nodded timidly and turn away down to start picking up the bit on the floor.

"leave them, please."I commanded.

She looked up at me, obviously trying to work out out what she had done wrong.

I smiled at her,"We still need to babble out about one more than thing. Can you wait here for a second ?"

She stood and wrapped her implements of war around herself again. She didn't answer, she just nodded her point quickly, like it was painful.

I went to my bedroom and pulled out the buns drawer of my dresser. I reached my arm in, feeling on the top of the drawer for what I was looking for. I found it taped up in the binding, attached to the top of the dresser, in the place I had secreted it to keep it safe, and from prying eyes…

I went back to the social movement way and looked at her.

As the Doctor of the Church say… this might hurt a petty bit…

"I'm sorry…"I began.

Her centre locked on mine.

I moved closer to her, getting so close I could smell her. Her clean, soapy, womanly scent. Even after a day like today, she still smelled clean…

I could feel the pull of her body and it was so a great deal like Re and my mom had described it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how decent they had been. We were like two suns circling. Two magnets moving…

I lifted her chin and kissed her gently. Her lips parted for me and she returned the candy kiss, her brim moving softly against mine. It wasn't an eager kiss…

It still took my breather away.

I let her go and looked into her eyes.

She shook her head at me,"Why are you sorry ? I don't understand."

I held the petty box in my right wing paw up to her. I caught the newsbreak of emotion there.

Surprise.

A second of hilarity.

Then nothing but misery.

She shook her head at me, whispering,"No… please don't."

I smiled at her, dipped to one knee, and opened the box in my helping hand. It was the box that contained my mother's wedding ring. The one my founder had given to her. The one she had died wearing. My dad had kept it, putting it aside for me, putting it aside for the cleaning woman I decided to give it to…

I knew in my heart that cleaning lady was Casey.

Her eyes filled over with tears as she continued to sway her head…

She knew what was in that box. She knew what it meant to me. She knew why I had held on to it for all this time… I had shown it to her one day. I had told her that I would put it on the adult female I would marry one day…

"Cassandra Posey. I have loved you since I was eleven twelvemonth old. I have loved you since the day you walked up to me in that crappy piddling park and held your adorable lilliputian deal out to me and asked if I would be your admirer. I'm sorry I've been too very much of a Coward until this mo to tell you that. I have loved you since before I knew what the look was.

"I'm sorry I didn't put this ring on you the initiative metre I realized what it was that I felt for you. I should feature grabbed you at fourteen and never let you go. I should have kissed you at sixteen and made you mine. I should take in never let you go. I should hold made Roo with you and endure by you every moment from then until now.

"I can't modification any of that, but I can spend the rest of my bally life making it up to you. I can spend the relief of my life loving you, and never letting you get more than a step away from me. Cassandra… Casey, I love you, and I want you to be mine forever. Will you marry me ?"

rent crashed down her face and still, even after pouring my heart out to her… she shook her head…

No."Jakey… I can't. I don't deserve you…"She whispered.

I felt a moment of hurting, sharp and decisive. And then I decided. I had had enough. There were going to be no Sir Thomas More exculpation. I was going to make no to a greater extent excuses, and I was going to allow no more from her. I was going to drop the eternal rest of my life with her…

I took her go out hand and pressed the box into it…"You don't get it, do you ?"

I looked into her eyes and saw the doubt there, the pain, and I knew in this minute, I was going to rinse all of that away…

I smiled at her, fierce and proud…

"You are already mine, and I am already yours. Until this import, I thought this hoop meant something. I thought it was of import. I thought one day I would put this on someone and it would have in mind something. Tonight, I kneel on this trading floor at your feet and I realize it means nothing. What matters is how I feel about you. I love you, and I refuse to swallow no as an answer.

"You see, right now, I realize you're already my wife. This ring doesn't make you that. You saying yes or no substance nil. You are my married woman because of that little lady friend. That perfect lilliputian girl that you've given me. That arrant piece of you and me, joined together, entwined in a way that can never be separated back into its component pieces. Because of that little girl, you are mine, and I am yours, forever."

Her eye snapped conclude and her weeping shut off like someone had shut off a faucet. Her hand tightened around the box and she held it to her kernel."I can't Jakey… I can't take in this from you. Not right now. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I'm not what you think I am… I sully you just by making you love me…."

She shook her head the snag started fresh.

"I've loved you since before I walked up to you. I sat there each day and watched the sad little boy that played by himself. I watched him and I felt my tenderness captured. And as I got to hump you I fell deeper and deeper in love with you. I watched you grow into the best man that I have ever, or will ever know. I wanted you Thomas More than I have ever wanted anything in my intact spirit. I fell asleep every dark wishing that you held me in your arms…

"And I let that eff drive me insane. I let that lie with make me into a person I can't even face in the mirror anymore. I took something from you that I had no right to fill from you, and in my veneration, I let it involve even more from you. I can't grant that backbone to you…"

She held the ring back out to me…"But I can consecrate this back to you. I can make you go and find oneself someone that deserves it, that deserves you."

I willed every oz. of military capability I had into my eyes and poured that persuasiveness back into her. I wrapped my hand around hers, making her squeeze the box with my ring. I stood, and still holding her hand pressed her vertebral column to the wall.

"No."I commanded.

My lips found hers and I took mastery of her. She could say whatever unintelligent thing she wanted. She could try to drive me away. I would use whatever tactic I had to in guild to pull in her realize that she was mine.

Her lips only resisted mine for a split second.

I knew the truth though. She loved me, and she could say whatever discharge words spilled into her stupid person mind. Her lips knew the truth…

She kissed me with every bit the force that I kissed her.

I felt her hint quicken, felt her arm, the one I didn't have pinned in my own, come up and circle around my cervix. My hand came up and pinned itself behind her neck, pulling her deeper into our candy kiss. She was mine, and tonight, I was going to work her understand that…

Her dead body responded to mine, and mine to hers. We fell over the border together with our kiss…

Somehow, I managed to deplumate back from her. I pulled the ring out of her manus and held it up in strawman of her center."fuck this. And fuck you telling me no."

I lowered my deal and heard the ring box hit the floor. My lips found hers again as I pressed her back into the rampart. Both of her implements of war circled around my cervix and she kissed me with every fiber of her being. My hands found their way down her body. Her slope. Her ass. Down to her legs. I lifted her off the floor, her legs separating and spreading around my body.

My lip found their way across her expression, to her neck.

Her body moved eagerly against mine…"Please…"she moaned.

She pulled my capitulum into her harder as she shook her nous,"Please… stop… I can't… if you don't stop… I need you…"

I kissed her harder, pressing my body into hers, my mind only holding on by the very tips of the nails…

Our back talk tangled again, our tongues dancing in each other's mouth.

"Please…"She moaned,"I need you…"my lips worked their way along her neck,"Please…"

I somehow found the strength to extract back from her,"Say it…"

She pulled my head back into her neck, an offer my lips eagerly accepted…

"Say what ?"She whispered.

"That you're mine…"I growled.

She grabbed my capitulum, forcing it back, so she could see into my eyes…

She shook her headway,"Who the fuck am I kidding ? I've always been yours…"



Chapter 19

We lay in my bed, tangled in my tack and each early's arms.

I could feel both our hearts pounding as we both tried to enamor our breath.

She crawled up my body and kissed me, her tongue slipping into my mouth. I lost myself in that kiss. It may throw ended in a minute… it may have been a year…

I didn't care.

Her nose rubbed against mine as she spread her peg over me, her bare flesh pressed hot and operose against my chest…

I wrapped my coat of arms around her and felt the single most intense mother wit of joy I had ever felt…

The suns had crashed together.

The magnet had connected.

"Is this real ?"She whispered.

I smiled,"I certainly hope so… if I'm dreaming… I'm going to be pissed in the morning."

She raised her head, her heart finding mine. I thought she was going to say something, but instead she just kissed me voiceless again. When she finally managed to happen the strength to pull away from me she whispered fiercely,"Open your eyes…"

I opened my eyes and looked at her.

Her hands played over my face,"I won't wear your ringing, but I will expend the rest of my fucking life making this right wing. The rest of my fucking life. I will have it away you, and I will arouse up every dawning and go to bed every nighttime working my ass off until I deserve the love you give me. Deal ?"

I smiled at her, pulling her in for another good, solid buss."Deal."



Chapter 20

We lay in silence for a long time, our bodies pressed together, our instant syncing.

A horrible thought occurred to me…

"When you said I was the only one… you meant… the lone one before Roo right ?"I whispered.

I felt her foreland wag."Nope. The entirely one. Ever."

I felt like someone had poured a cup of inhuman water into my psyche. The intellection that she had that much discipline. That she loved me that much…

It was overwhelming.

It was also shaming that I had not shown her the Saame discipline…

"So that was only your indorse time ?"I asked incredulously…

She lifted her psyche and nibbled at her lip,"Yeah… was I bad ?"

I laughed and pulled her capitulum back in and hugged her voiceless."Nope…"I shook my head…"In fact, fuck. I think you might be a natural…"

She giggled…"wellspring, it's not like I'm a monk… I have a lapin in my nightstand.

I knew what she meant… but it was just too in force of a fucking set up for me to let it slip past tense me…

"That affair must take a crap an awful fucking mess… what do you tip it ?"

She giggled again and pulled herself up my body again, kissing me…"Well… it seems to like kitty…"

I rolled her over and pressed my torso to hers… kissing her hard…

Finally, I pulled myself from her and looked into her eyes…

She wiggled herself beneath me, her legs spreading beneath me…"Can we go again ?"She whispered…

No way in hell I was going to disappoint her…



Chapter 21

In the break of day we got up, got cleaned up, and packed up what I was going to need in the following calendar week back at home. I sent my paper to my professor, which closed up schooltime for the year.

As one last affair, I picked up the band box from where we had left it the Night before. I turned around and she was standing there… the sadness was gone from her expression, but she still held her ground firmly, her eyes narrowing at me,"I'm not taking that."

I smiled at her and walked over to her. I took her left bridge player in my own, turning it over and plopping the box into it.

"Do whatever makes you palpate right."I told her as I grabbed her ass and pulled her closing curtain to me,"You're still mine, ring or no."

I kissed her to seal the deal.

She stopped arguing.

I went into the kitchen and pulled all the crap out of the fridge that would vitiate and ran it all down the electric pig. I made a point of sneaking back to the door and peeking at her. She was standing by the fiddling postpone I ate at, her bag in front of her. She had the halo box unfastened, and she was staring at it, a look of longing on her face…

She looked up and saw me watching her. I wanted so badly to tell her to put it on. I wanted to show her off. I wanted everyone in the total cosmos to know she was mine…

But I knew…

I knew that there was a reason she didn't want to put it on. Before end night, that would have made me worry. It would get made me marvel. I would bear fretted over it, and chewed at it, trying to find the hidden meaning, attempting and failing to understand what was happening in that beautiful head of hers. Trying to suss out exactly why she didn't want to fall apart my mob. Worrying if it meant she loved me, or if she was settling on me.

Today, well, today I just didn't care. I would take anything she would leave me, and I would be happy with whatever she was glad giving me. Today I decided that I would just be happy to own her in my life…

I walked over and wrapped my arms around her, pressing my human face to the incline of her neck, kissing her lightly, running my nozzle up the side of her double-dyed neck. I pulled her tighter into me, the musculus in my chest and shoulders flexing as I tried to overstretch her into my body. She reached back and grabbed the bang loops on the side of my pants, one eyelet in each script, and pulled me tighter into her body.

"It's there for you, whenever you choose to put it on…"I whispered into her ear.

She nodded,"I know…"

I kissed aright underneath her earlobe…"I know you want it…"

She rubbed her behind into me hard, her oral sex lolling back as she offered her cervix to me,"I want it…"She whispered huskily,"I just thought we were in a hurry to get back on the road…"

I giggled and snuggled her cervix again."There's no precipitation. One day you'll want to put it on, I can wait…"

She didn't put the ring on, but she put it in her bag all the Lapp. I called it a win.

Before we left, I stopped by my landlady's apartment. I let her make love that I was going to be gone the rest of the summer and asked her to keep back an eye on my stead for me. She looked at Casey, a knowing smile on her shrivelled face, and told me she'd do just that. I felt a short bad not telling her that I might not be back…

Honestly, I didn't really get laid what my futurity held right there and then. It felt foreign not knowing. It seemed like it had been forever since I had lived day to day, not working towards something, not having a goal that drove my every decision. I thought of Casey, and my little female child and decided that was something I was willing to dedicate up considering what I had gained…

We got back in the motortruck and Casey sat on the far side.

I shook my head at her,"Nope."I told her, patting the seat adjacent to me,"Over here beautiful. I'm done sitting away from you and pretending I don't want to put my arm around you."

She smiled and my mettle sang, as she slid across the seat to me. Her lips found mine, and we both hit the road with a smile on our face…

Our trip domicile was tranquillise. We listened to the radio and talked, like we used to do so often, in a time that seemed like a million age ago, and just yesterday all at the Lapp time. I realized how much I missed her. How lots I had missed my champion. How favorable that she was my lover now. How practically I wanted her to be my wife.

I thought to the secret that she had kept from me for so yearn, and while it wasn't easily to forgive, a part of me was grateful for the mistakes that she had made. A part of me realized that without Roo as a catalyst I may have never found the courage to severalise her how I had felt. I may have just run off to college, and she may give birth done the same. We both would most likely have found someone and lived out the respite of our living pretending to be happy…

She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder as we pulled back into the parking lot at the infirmary. We decided that we both wanted to drop by and see my mom on the way house. We needed to get nursing home and rip the Band-Aid off of the situation with Roo, and we both knew that wasn't going to be an easy conversation, but we both wanted to get it done as soon as possible.

We walked into my mom's way hand in hand. She was laying down in the bed, her peel pale and enervation plainly apparent on her case. I could separate just by looking at her she was in a lot of nuisance, and I reminded myself that I needed to observe the sojourn short.

Mom looked at us walking in and her face lit up by a million degrees, like some animation and energy poured back into her.

Casey and I stood at the foot of her bed and looked at her, finally I gave her a smirk and said,"You look like shit."

She giggled and put a hissing manus to her neck. I felt a little bad for causing her pain, but the laugh did her secure, or so I told myself as justification.

Mom smiled at us and started to sit up, Casey dropped my deal and rushed around the bed, cooing and keeping mom laying down."Deb, keep yourself level. You need to get residual. We aren't going to be here long, we just wanted to stop over in and check in on you."

Casey perched herself on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers over her Quaker's face. Mom smiled at her and then looked over at me. A smile filled with superbia filled her face, and teardrop started up in her eyes,"I'm so sorry for you two."

She tried to shake her head and I could tell the staples in her neck and the pain caused her to stop and siss again in pain.

"I gave you such bad advice…"She moaned as her tear finally fell free."I'm so sorry."

She was talking to Casey but I knew some of what she was saying was for my benefit.

"I should have known Jakey would stimulate forgiven you…"She closed her eyes,"I'm so sorry to you both."

I sat down on the early English of the bed and held my mom's hired man as I shook my head teacher at her. I looked over at Casey and felt the now familiar pang of love as her heart caught mine."It doesn't matter."

Mom squeezed my paw a piffling harder,"I assume since you are all holding hands now that you're going to make believe a run at being a duad now ?"

I smiled at her,"Nope…"

I could see the pain and regret slam into her as she looked over at Casey, the questioning facial expression on her face was observable it nearly hurt.

I squeezed her deal again to get her care,"I asked her to splice me utmost night…"

Her head snapped over to Casey so libertine I could see the pain sensation it caused her.

Casey looked at the floor and nibbled at her bottom lip.

"Casey's not ready yet…"I murmured, saving Casey the plethora of having to do up.

Casey's oculus met mine and I could see the question written plain there.

Why had I told my mom ?

With my decent script, I raised my hand and brushed the hair back behind her ear,"Because one day I'm going to marry you. You're the lonesome one that has any doubt. I'll take any ally I can get to get you to accept how inevitable that is."

She shook her head as teardrop filled her eyes.

Mom giggled and both Casey and I looked at her. She had an enormous smile on her aspect."Finally, one of you pulled your head out of your ass…"

We both smiled at her.

She pulled both of us in for a big hug, and when we managed to extricate ourselves we realized just how exhausted she looked…

"We're going to go habitation and let you get some rest… okay ?"I asked.

Mom nodded and I could see how much she just wanted to fall back to sleep…



Chapter 22

Our conversation with Roo was so awkward it was nearly comical…

We decided that it would be done best at the kitchen table…

So there the three of us sat. One of us in each hot seat, and an empty spot on one slope of the table. It was something out of a fellowship sitcom…

I felt like I was sitting on a fucking job interview. Like Roo was going to look at me and tell me that she appreciated my diligence, but that the class was going in a dissimilar direction with the position.

Casey looked at her little girl, at our niggling little girl.

"So Roo… this is going to be difficult to realize, but I want you to try, okay ? Try very hard, okay ?"

Roo looked at her, her little attention leech turning on. She engaged with other people pretty well, but I could see, when she locked in on her mom the world began and ended right there. With Casey, it was like she was hearing the voice of God.

"okeh mommy."

Casey smiled as her eyes started to wet.

Roo reached her tiny hand over and patted her mom's,"It's okay mum. You don't need to worry. I'm going to be a big girlfriend. I'm gon na un'erstand good."

Both Casey and I had to repress a laugh, and Roo just sat looking at us both, trying to fancy out what was so funny.

Casey looked into Roo's eyes."beloved, do you remember when you were asking about your daddy ?"

Roo got very serious, her little head nodding. I could see pain in her little eyes and I don't think it would induce hurt more had someone jammed a run chainsaw into my chest…

Casey looked at me, and the miserableness on her face was so obvious it hurt. I wanted to jump in and just tell Roo. To get it over with. I wanted desperately to spare Roo and Casey any to a greater extent distress. To just have the opportunity to jump ahead of all of this crap and protrude getting on with our lives…

I knew I couldn't do that, however. I knew that this was something Casey needed to do. It was something that she needed to wrap her mind around simply to aid her get over it herself. To start to forgive herself. She needed to scourge herself, to punish herself, and no matter how a good deal I wanted her to skip that part of what she needed to do, I knew it was an intrinsical part of how she was going to necessitate to cure and get past this.

"Honey,"Casey started again,"I didn't tell you this then, and I should have… in fact, it was selfish of me not to… but Jakey here is your daddy."

It was a moment I will never forget. Her little mouth formed a perfect O and her head teacher snapped around. Her eyes were filled with such a horse sense of excitement that my heart broke just looking at her. She clapped her little hands together and let out a babbled mess about how she knew, she just knew I had to be her daddy…

I couldn't help it any longer. I pulled her out of her professorship and pressed her tight to my chest. She gave me her bad, most awkward little kid hug. Like she was trying to crush the life out of me but she just knew that she didn't have the strength.

rent fell from my eyes as I held my daughter.

"You're going to be a practiced dad, Jakey…"Roo whispered to me as I hugged her.

I nodded, pulling her in tighter to me,"I'm certainly going to try, push. I'm certainly going to try."



Chapter 23

We spent the rest of the day as a family. We made dinner, rested and relaxed. We ended the evening by watching a moving-picture show together, the three of us curled up on the lounge. picayune Roo laid on me and fell asleep. I enjoyed just holding her, looking at her innocent small face as she slept.

An idea occurred to me then. I thought back to the nighttime that Casey had told me about Roo. How I had caught her taking a pic of us as a home. It hadn't occurred to me then, but I realized now, that was her thinking it may be her only opportunity, it may feature been the go sentence she would get an opportunity to get a moving picture of the three of us together. In her mind, that nighttime was going to be the dark I started to detest her. The Nox that would demolish our friendship, all so she could own up to what she had done. All so she could give me my daughter.

As much as I wanted to detest her for what she had done. As raging and sad as it made me to birth her hidden the Sojourner Truth from me for so yearn, I had to realize the absolute Fe will that conclusion had taken to score.

She hadn't needed to distinguish me the truth. The reality was, I would give never known. Had she chosen the easygoing way out. Had she chosen to simply put Roo to bed that Nox and then occur out and cower into my lap, I would have never known the truth. I would receive never suspected it.

It wouldn't have needed to.

I would be with her, and I would treat Roo as if she were my own.

It made me realize how special she truly was. She had set aside her own chance at happiness forever just to ensure that I had one More little piece of information that would consume meant nothing in the grand system of things. She had gambled with her own needs just to ensure that the truth was out there…

"Hey."I whispered.

She looked over at me and smiled.

I held my hand out to her and gave her a come-hither motion.

"catch your speech sound and come here. I want to give you a better picture of the three of us together."

She grabbed her phone with a smiling and crawled over on me, snuggling against my good face, while Roo laid on my left field. She held her phone out, and just before the picture clicked I darted over and kissed her on the head.

She smiled and looked at the photo. She held the telephone set to her chest and the tone of pure joy on her face stopped my heart. She crawled up my chest and put a hand on either side of my face. Her head shook as her center bounced back and forth, focusing on one of my heart and then the other. She shook her head at me,"I am so fucking sorry…"She whispered.

I smiled at her as she leaned down and kissed me, her lips sending an electric current of pleasure through my body. My hand found its way up under her shirt, my fingerbreadth running up her side, climbing gamey, and higher…

She grabbed my mitt and pulled out of our kiss.

She gave me a smirk,"Down boy."

She tilted her question towards Roo,"Little heart and spike are in the room."

I smiled at her, putting my mitt behind her head and pulling her in for another kiss,"She's got to see about the wench and bees sooner or later…"

Casey giggled as she shook her head. She climbed off of me, batting at my men as I tried to pull her back in,"Bad dog !"She scolded as she scooped Roo up, holding her close. I could see her mind snip for just a minute,"Do you mind if I put her to bed ?"

I smiled at her."Of course not."I told her as I stretched and yawned.

She smiled at me, and carried Roo off to bed.

I sat up on the sofa and watched TV for a few more mo, as I waited for her to come back so I could say goodnight before I went back to my own property for the night.

A part of me realized that was a little on the weird incline, to ask her to get married me, to desire desperately for her to say yes, and then live somewhere else, but I also realized that things were already weird enough. There was enough pressure on us as is without me making a federal return out of one of us moving in with the other.

She was going through a lot right now, and it was very possible that she needed, hellhole, that she wanted her own space.

She came back in and leaned against the wall, looking at me as I watched her. I let my eyes wander up and down her consistence, letting my mind, and my imagination have their way with her. She smiled self-consciously and I saw her eye bounce down to the floor.

There was a character of me, hellhole, a very tumid part of me, that wanted to get position tonight. The fresh theatrical role of me realized that she had sent me some very clear message tonight that I was not going to be getting laid…

I smiled at her, slapping my legs,"I should probably get going. I know you have work in the morning."

Panic flashed through her middle and she walked quickly to me, pushing me back down into the lounge. Without a word, she spread her legs over me and kissed me hard. My mitt found their way back inside her shirt and this time, she made no effort to stop me.

When she came up for air finally, she ran her hands over the slope of my grimace.

"Stay ? Please ?"She begged.

I shook my head at her,"The nighttime ? Sure."I started to draw out her finisher and she stopped me.

"No. I don't mean tonight. I mean move in. Stay with me and Roo ? Sleep with me ?"She settled into my lap and paused for a few bit. Finally, she licked her back talk,"I know it's not what you asked for… but… I was thinking… if we lived together, that would be a good compromise ?"Her look was down, she was looking at my chest.

I put a mitt beneath her chin, nodding,"Hey, it's okay if we go slowly. I know this is severe for you. I don't mind if we take some time…"

I stopped, smiling at her."Like I told you final stage night. I want you to be in my life from now on."I ran a finger over her cheek,"This is your place though, and it isn't my post to just move in uninvited."

She leaned in, breathing huskily on my cheek,"I'm done taking my time. I'm asking… I'm inviting."

I wrapped my fingerbreadth in her shirt and pulled her in for another osculation."And I'm accepting."

She gave me a beamy smile as she pulled back from me,"I'm going to take a warm shower."

I smiled at her, thinking of how much I liked her sexy tone overbold from the shower. Her pilus plastered to her foreland, the flush of her cheeks, the way the hotness from the water brought out the color of her skin…

She got out of my lap, and gently laid me down on the couch. She handed me the outback and gave me another deep kiss."You stay right there and get comfy, and when I get out we'll watch a film together, okay ?"

I smiled at her and nodded.

I laid there and thought about her aphrodisiacal body while I finished the movie that the three of us had been watching together. A percentage of me wanted to get up and put on something less kid friendly, but the truth was, it had been a long exhausting day, and I was too faineant to get up.

She came back in, wearing a long t-shirt, and showing off a lot of aphrodisiac leg. I smiled at her as she bounced her eyebrows at me, giving me a knowing wink.

The moving-picture show intro played as she went into the kitchen and came back with a beer for each of us. I started to get up to name elbow room for us both and she stopped me, pointing to my side,"Can I just curl up there ? Curl up with you and just lay against you ?"

I smiled at her, patting my side,"I saved this spot just for you…"

She set the beers on the table and crawled across my body, wrapping herself around me as I lay contentedly on the couch. As soon as her body was against mine, I started having naughty thoughts…

I pressed my brass to her wet hair, feeling the soft moisture there. I kissed her head and pulled her in sloshed as I squirmed around… trying to obviate embarrassing myself with how my body was responding to all that pleasant warmth she was providing…

She looked up at me and the lulu of her face nearly pushed me over the edge. The only affair that stopped me from pushing her back against the couch was the worried feeling on her face…

"Am I making it hard to get comfy ?"She fretted.

I looked into her eyes and shook my head at her, my breath taken away."No. Sorry. I'm just uh…"I laughed at slight, embarrassed to be admitting it to her…"Just… uh… getting a lilliputian rouse with you this close… it's a little intemperately to focus."

She smiled, her heart filling with mischief. Crawling up my body, she kissed my jaw lightly,"Getting… harder ?"

I threw my brain back, laughing.

Her mouth worked their way across my cervix, her rosehip grinding into mine…

"All you have to do is ask…"She whispered.

That was too often to take…

With a growling I rolled over, wrapping my weaponry around her and kissing her hard. She moaned into my sassing and her branch wrapped around me, wrapping me in my own private cocoon of love and warmth.

I came up for air and she ran her hand down the slope of my face…

"You know I want it right ?"She asked.

I smiled, pushing my dead body into hers,"And you're about to get it…"

She threw her top dog back, laughing."No, silly."Her eyes met mine,"The ring. Your gang. I want it. I want to marry you, I really do."

That got my attending. I wanted to get laid, for sure, but I wanted her a Inferno of a lot more.

Drawing my finger's breadth over her brow I asked her,"Then why don't you just submit it ?"

She shook her head, giving me a sad smile,"Because as very much as I want it, I don't think I deserve it. There's a part of me that thinks you're just staying because you have Roo. A persona of me that thinks that you don't want me, you just think it's the right affair for you to do. Almost like you knocked me up and now you have to do the right thing…"

I started to open my mouth to resist and she cut me off,"I don't really think that's true. But I still have the view. And I know you… I know that if you marry me, you'll hitch forever, even if you're not happy. I don't want that. I mean… I want you. I want you to be mine forever. I want you to detain with me forever, but I don't want that if it's not going to piddle you felicitous. I know you'll stay because it's the correct matter for Roo, but I want you to have more than that."

She ran her nose along my jaw, sending chill of aesthesis through my entire body…

She took a deep breathing space, her body shivering against me. I could tell I was driving her emotions and her hormones crazy… and it made me feel amazing…

"I feel like a bad mom right now…"She whispered.

That hit me like a brick to the fount, bringing me up short.

"Hey !"I exclaimed, surprised."Why would you find that way ?"

She pressed her organic structure against me,"Because I want you so much. I know that I should be happy for my trivial girl, that I should be thrilled that she'll have her dad in her life sentence, but right hand now…"she shook her heading,"right now, all I can cogitate about it is how crashing happy I am to have you to myself… how much I want you for myself."

I smiled and kissed her… the truth was, I was going through some of that same feeling myself…

When we finally took another shift, she smiled at me, her fingers tangled in my shirt,"I think that feel will go away with time… the worry that you don't want me… but it might take some clip. Can you be patient with me ?"

I smiled at her, running my hand down her side, over her hip, as I dipped my finger inside her panties,"fountainhead, that depends… do I still get to get in your step-in ?"

She smiled back at me, as she crawled over me, her rose hip sliding over mine and sending the most pleasant shudder of pleasure through me possible.

She smirked at me,"Just try to stop me…"

I kissed her hard,"Well then I say why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for gratuitous ?"

She giggled, as she pulled me in close, kissing my neck opening and whispering into my ear,"Moo, moo sister !"



Chapter 24

Roo and I were sitting at the breakfast table, watching Casey Rush to get cook for work. She looked at me, and for the 4th clip that dawning asked,"You're sure you got her today ?"

I looked at Roo who was working on what I now realized, once again, was a too big trough of cereal…

winking at her I told Casey,"Sure, no trouble. I was considering taking her down to the troll mart and seeing what kind of deal I could get on her…"

Casey looked at me deadpan,"Ha, ha, asshole…"

Roo shouted,"Trolls ! I wan na see a troll !"

I smiled at her and rubbed her forefront,"We'll see release, mommy is notoriously anti-troll."

Roo looked at Casey,"Momma ! I want to see a round !"

Casey rolled her eyes, and then came over and gave Roo a kiss on the head, and me one on the lips. I wrapped a finger's breadth in the belt loops at the front of her jeans and pulled her in,"Stop fretting. I'll try not to let her stick a fork in a ignite socket, or burn the house down, or do any abstemious street racing…"

She laughed and shook her head,"Call me if you need anything."

I nodded,"We'll be fine. We've hung out before."

Once Casey was out the door I looked at Roo, who was starting to seriously shin with polishing off the bowl of cereal I had given her…

Smiling at her, I asked,"Pumpkin ? Are you done with that ?"

She put her spoon down, sighing in sculptural relief."Yes, please."

I went behind her and grabbed her bowl in one paw, and gave her a quick buss on the head."Button, you don't have to eat everything that I put in front of you. If you're entire, just tell me, okay ?"

She smiled and nodded as I ran the residue of the grain down the garbage disposal. Once I was done, I put the dishes in the swallow hole and turned around to face her,"So. It's just you and me today. What do you want to do ?"

"I thought we were going to the troll market ?"She informed me, her face serious,"I really want to see a troll… mommy read me a book about one one time… they sound kind of scary but I still want to see one !"

I laughed and shook my head,"push button, I was being a smart alek. There's no such thing as trolls…"

A look of intense concentration came over her expression, and I could see her adding up the facts. She nodded,"So we can't go to the troll market ?"

Laughing I walked over and scooped her up, carrying her out of the kitchen.

A thought occurred to me then…

"Roo, maybe we could go visit a friend ? Would you like that ?"

She thought about it for a irregular,"You mean like Re ? Are we going to visit Re ?"

I shook my head,"No, autumn pumpkin, Re isn't a friend. Re's kinfolk. She's your auntie. She's daddy's sister. This would be a friend of mine…"A thought process occurred to me then,"A friend of daddy's."

Her picayune center narrowed,"Are they nice ?"Nodding sagely, she added,"I don't like mean people."

I nodded,"Yes, Ben is really courteous. You'll like him."

She puckered up her little lips, thinking about it."I think we could go see Ben or at to the lowest degree we could fall in it try."

I laughed, giving her a hug."Glad you approve !"

I got her, and myself set. Putting her seat in my motortruck was a little more rarify than I expected, but Roo actually helped me out. She crawled up on the buttocks and helped me figure out where the straps went, how to get it hooked up. I mean, I wasn't stupefied, I didn't let a three-year-old install her own car seat, I checked that everything was set up properly, but she still cut some time off of me fumbling around on my own.

I got her set up, and strapped in.

We drove out to Ben's place, where I knew there would be a pleasant surprise waiting for Roo. As we pulled into the driveway, I saw Ben coming out of his barn, carrying a bale of hay. An enormous smile spread across his boldness as he saw me. He dropped the Basle of hay on the dorsum of his truck and threw up a great big wave.

When Roo saw them… she squealed,"Ponies !"

I smiled, realizing that she had probably never seen a llama before. It would be easy in her mind to mix the two of them up. So I told her,"No sweetie, those are llamas."

"What's a llama ?"she asked.

I thought about how to explicate that, and decided to adopt the shortcut. I pointed,"That's a llama."

"So, ponies are llamas ?"

Giggling, I shook my forefront,"No. They're different. shot glass are a different brute. They're a lot bigger than llamas. You'll see once we get close."

Her eyes got big,"They're not mean, are they ? One of my friends has a big dog, and he scares me. He looks really average, but my friend says he's nice."

I shook my headland,"No, Cucurbita pepo. They're not intend, and my friend Ben will help look out for you."

I got out of the truck and walked over and shook Ben's hand. He was wall to surround smiles."Jakey ! Been fucking forever man ! It's so good to see you ! When did you get back to townsfolk ?"

Smiling at him, I started back to the motortruck where Roo was waiting.

"Couple daytime back…"

Then I realized how lots of a misunderstanding this might have been…

When the mind had occurred to me, all I had considered was how a lot Roo was going to love seeing the llamas up close. The deeper I got, the Thomas More I realized that I was going to induce a lot of explaining to do…

Ben was a good friend, and had been since we were in high school day. He'd known Casey for years, and while they weren't swell friends from way back, they were friendly. He'd been around Roo, and he knew what had gone down with Casey.

I opened the door and Roo cut out any fortune I had of spilling the noodle slowly,"Daddy ! Daddy ! Can I go see the llama's ?"

Ben got a flavor on his face like he'd just been kicked in the nuts…"Daddy ?"

I gave him a weak smile as I fumbled with the shoulder strap on Roo's seat.

"Long write up ?"I tried to excuse, focusing on getting her free.

He scratched at his beard, a grimace on his case,"One I'm sure I'm going to want to hear…"

I smiled at him as I got Roo free, plucking her out of her seat and lifting her down to the ground.

She was squirming in anticipation,"dada, can I go look at the llamas ?"

I looked at Ben, raising my eyebrows to ask permit, it was his post after all.

Ben leaned down and mussed her hair, he looked at me,"fine with me."

I crouched down and met her eye to eye,"Go ahead and go over to the fence. Don't reaching into the fence though, okay ? Not until Ben is around to keep a close eye on you ?"

She put her minuscule hands together and looked at me, the question plain on her face.

I smiled at her,"They aren't mean, but sometimes big animals like that see small digit and get confused. I don't want them to nip you thinking you have food for them, okay ?"

She lowered her head shyly, which surprised me. She had never seemed shy before. She looked at Ben,"Are they mean ? They won't bite me, will they ?"

Ben smiled at her, his grin a bright slash in his dark face."Not as long as you do what Jakey here says. Little while later I'll give you some carrot and you can feed them."

She brightened up a bit,"volition they bite me if I feed them ?"

He shook his caput,"Nope. They know a carrot when they see it."

I poked her little stomach,"It's OK, go on now, commend, keep your hands away from the fencing, okay ?"

She nodded, and then went charging over to face at the animals.

I put my paw on my hips and watched her, seeing her enthusiasm brightened my day. I gave Ben a sidewise looking,"Thanks for that."

He put his hands in his pocket and watched her. Ben had gotten married to his high shoal sweetheart, Annie, finish year, and I knew from our semi-frequent phone calls that they were expecting their first in a twain of month, a little girl. I could see him watching Roo, his mind projecting forward to how his own life was going to appear in a couple of years.

He looked at me,"So is that some kind of pet name ? You and Casey a affair now ?"

I grit my jaw and shook my head,"No and yes."

He looked at me sideways,"The guild of those reply means a lot…"

I smiled, nodding as I put my hands in my sack and stared at the ground,"It's complicated."

He raised his eyebrow,"Sounds like it."

It hit me then how complicated everything was. How complicated it was going to bear on to get. How concentrated all of this was going to be. On one hand, I didn't want to lecture about it. I didn't want Casey to bet bad to all of the multitude I had known and grown up with, and at the same meter, I wanted to be able to talk to my friends…

I pulled my hands out of my pockets,"Remember John Key's party the summer after our aged yr ?"

He nodded,"Yeah…"

I clicked my tongue,"I don't… at least not the end of it…"

He went dead silent and his supercilium tried to crawl up his head…"You mean you and Casey… ?"

I nodded slowly,"Yep."

He puffed out his buttock and blew out through his mouth…"Fuck."

I smiled ruefully at him."Yep… fuck about sums it up."

He grimaced,"And she didn't tell you ?"

I shook my head sadly,"She was really embarrassed about it. Thought it was going to fuck up our friendship…"

He put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, his regard landing on the scandal at our animal foot, while he shook his head. I could see him trying to process. Could see him putting himself in my shoes, trying to empathize and figure out how he would respond in that situation.

He finally settled on,"I'd be so wee-wee man…"

I shrugged."I am. I don't want to take on to myself that I am, but I am. job is, getting pissed at her isn't going to facilitate how fucked up this situation is."I looked at him,"And I fucking make love her too… I asked her to marry me…"

He pulled his hand off my shoulder joint his eyebrows crawling up his forehead in surprisal,"What did she say ?"

I shook my question,"No."

He rubbed his face with both custody, his hands rasping across the chaff on jaw. He was quieten for a farseeing time before he finally said,"Why ?"

I felt a deep sadness well up in me then. I wanted so badly to tell myself that it didn't affair. That if she didn't want to marry me, it was alright, but I knew the verity. I knew that it mattered to me. I knew on some horizontal surface that it was a sentience of closure to the post that I needed. Like somehow, in my mind, everything that had happened, all of the choices that Casey had made, wouldn't topic as long as she was my married woman. Like I could just play it off. That I would know that we were family now, and none of what happened before would matter.

The more I thought about it the stupider it seemed. to a greater extent and more than pointless. Did a fucking ring, and some parole really change anything ? Did it pretend it any bettor ? I knew the result to that was no. I wanted her to conjoin me, to say yes right now for a much pettier reason… I wanted her, and I was using this situation with Roo to pressure her into saying yes. I was doing to her, exactly what she feared doing to me. I was trying to shut away her down with guilt because I knew once she married me she would never walk away.

She was so much better of a person than I was, she loved me enough to let me keep an out if I wanted to walk away, I was too selfish to give her the same chance.

I loved her, yes, but our love was still very new, or at least it was very new to being out in the opened, out in the ignitor. We could lie to ourselves and say that didn't affair. That we loved each former, and had for a very long metre, but the truth was, all of this was new to us both…

We had been a theatrical role of each other's lives for so long neither of us could remember what it was like to not have the other there, but this was so lots dissimilar. Before, we were in each former's hip pouch all of the time, but there was always the choice to take the air away. For me, or her, to go household. To spend some metre thinking, but what I was pushing her for ?

To be married we'd need to hold out together. To lift Roo together, we'd have to reckon out how to do it. We'd have to be working to constantly be figuring out what we were both well-to-do with. What we could both tolerate. We could lie to ourselves and try to say that none of that mattered, that the only thing that mattered was that we loved each other, but the truth was, this was completely new ground to us both…

There was a piece of me that wondered if I could handle the dedication. Hell, if I was honest with myself, I had never even lived with a cleaning lady before, I had always been too pock, too interested in having ‘ my blank space ’, and now I wanted to get married ? To just rush out and close that loop ?

That made me recognize though…

It made me see the truth.

I hadn't wanted to exist with another woman because I had been holding out for having Casey. Even when she was on the other slope of the state, I had it in my stupid person question that I loved her and that I wanted her…

I also realized something else as I talked to Ben. There was a lot of luggage that needed to be processed. I was angry, and as much as I wanted to forget that, as a good deal as I wanted to state myself that I was too good a individual to let that strike me, I couldn't. I loved her a lot More than I was raging at her, but I still felt the sting of all the time I had lost with Roo. All of those inaugural moments taken away from me…

It was light right now to say that none of that mattered. That the only thing that I cared about was Casey and Roo. That I only cared about squeezing every lastly minute out of the time that was available to me. That tactile sensation was true now, but would it be in a month ? A year ? Would it eat away at me for every moment of the rest period of our sprightliness ?

And there was her guiltiness. There was the fact that every time she saw her picayune fille and her daddy together she had to be feeling a knife being pushed into her kernel. She had to be remembering how many opportunity she had taken away. How many moments that should have been shared that had been stolen. Would all of that just stack up in her nous, every minute driving her finisher and closer to the edge of sanity ? If I loved her, that wouldn't be a position I would want to trap her in. To use her guilt to drive her closer to me. Just hope that it went away ?

Did I really want her to be miserable for the residuum of her life sentence ? For what ? To seduce it up to me ?

I looked at Ben and smiled,"Because she's impudent than my dense ass…"

He scrunched his face up at me,"What do you mean ?"

I shrugged,"Think about it. I love her, and she loves me, but you're married. You realize, it takes a lot more than loving someone to cook a marriage work. It takes putting someone else ahead of you every day. It takes being able to sort through your trouble and make them cultivate together."

I nodded to Roo,"Think about all of this. Up until now, I've been just trying to fight it all down deep, like it shouldn't matter, but it does. All of it thing. Yeah, there's nothing she or I could do to make water it different, but it still matters…"

My mood started to come in up as I thought about it, as I really chewed it all the way down to the bone…

I met his eyes,"Just not as often as I love that little young woman right there, and not nearly as often as I love Casey…"

He clapped me on the shoulder again, smiling."Come on, let's establish your niggling girl how a llama rides !"



Chapter 25

I watched Roo that afternoon shimmer on Ben's farm. Watched her sit the llamas. Watched her feed them. Watched her drive Ben's big, noisy tractor while he dragged some fencing out and mended a match of pip in his fence where the cattle had started to constitute holes. I watched her as she took a little nap, pillowed on a few bales of hay as Ben and I worked.

She woke with slight filament of it in her hair's-breadth, and a smiling on her face that burned like a thousand Sunday on her funny little face.

She ran around and played. She asked head and tried to figure out what Ben and I were doing all day long…

As the day wound down she said good day to the llamas, and to Ben, and she and I headed menage for dinner.

We got no more than five seconds into the house and she was instantly attached to her momma's hip, telling her all about her day, and how beautiful the llamas were, and how she wanted one of her very own, so she could stay fresh it in the yard. I sat at the kitchen table and watched my two ladies…

I could see how outwear Casey was from work. She was cooking, spaghetti from the look and smell of things…

Casey nodded and talked with our minuscule girl, but I could see she was starting to wear thin…

Standing, I came up and pulled Roo against me, putting one of my big hands on each side of her head,"Roo, Button ?"

She looked up and me and smiled.

I bounced my eyebrow,"mommy looks very wear down. You think you could go and play with your tablet for a piece, move over her a luck to recoup from body of work ? Just until dinner is make ?"

She got a serious feeling on her nerve and nodded her little head,"Yes, Jakey."

Casey looked over at her sharply,"dada, Roo ! Not Jakey, Daddy !"

Roo looked like she had been slapped."Sorry mommy."

I pulled Roo's head up to look at me,"Don't vexation about it Button, momma's just tired. Can you go diddle with your tablet ?"

She nodded eagerly and bounced out of the room.

I came up and wrapped my weapon around Casey from arse. She was tense, her integral trunk locked up. I could tell how mad she was. Could smell how often it had pissed her off for me to step between her and Roo…

"Why don't you let me take over here ?"I murmured into her ear."You go submit a nice shower, put on something indulgent and comfy and try to slack a bit ?"

She shook her mind, and even from in vertebral column of her, I could see her grit her teeth. And then, like someone had taken a needle to the balloon of her anger she pushed it down."I'm OK. I can make dinner for us…"

I took my impart hand from her waist and pushed the haircloth away from the right hand side of her neck. My sassing found the sensitive spot just beneath her ear lobe."I know you can… I just want to help…"I whispered into her ear, kissing her again.

I lifted my bridge player to her berm, rubbing them roughly as I tried to form the stress from her heftiness. They started out hard as rocks beneath my fingers, but just a few minutes of massage and they started to slowly relax. Finally, realizing I wasn't likely to get her to relax much more with my mitt, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her finale, going back to kissing her neck opening, and nuzzling her jaw with my nose.

Her eubstance melted below my kisses. The tautness drifting out of her as my finger and lips pulled the stress away…

She shook her promontory,"How are you so fucking perfective tense ?"she whispered as I nibbled on her ear…

I giggled,"Pure fucking talent."

I could hear Roo arrive back into the room, and a part of me thought that maybe it was a in effect estimate to give Casey some distance, just to try not to fix matter awkward for Roo and Casey. Casey felt so good though, I just couldn't resist…

"Jakey ?"Roo asked…

Casey went insane…

She pushed the hot pan full of spaghetti sauce away from her, slamming the pan against the book binding of the stove as sauce spilled out over the Earth's surface. I was filled with surprise as I instinctively pulled Casey and myself away from the stove…

"Goddamn it Aubry !"Casey squealed as she spun away from me,"Daddy ! Not Jakey ! papa !"

I caught her arm as she started to storm over to Roo, pulling her up curt. She spun around on me like an enraged Badger, the rage in her middle apparent…

Realizing that she needed blank space, I took a stone's throw back, raising my hands…

She stopped dead, her anger melting away as teardrop started to satiate her eyes. I smiled at her, and put her face between my hands, trying to will away the swirl of emotions going through her right hand now. She put her hands on my forearms and pulled herself snug to me as shame crowded through her anger.

I smiled at her, letting her know it was all okay, that I understood…

I kissed her on the os frontale,"Why don't you let me field this one ?"

She nodded weakly and I could see the ira burn out of her…

I let her go and scooped Roo up, carrying her into the living room and setting my little girl down on the couch…

She looked deplorable. I knew she was a great kid, and I knew that Casey very rarely snapped at her. Roo was taking it very rough for her momma to do unglued on her wish that…

Her picayune eyes filled with rip as she looked at me,"I'm sorry daddy…"

I mussed her hair's-breadth,"Don't worry about it pumpkin. I still love you."

She lifted her little arms up and I could tell she wanted a hug so I scooped her up, gave her a big hug and set her in my lap. I just hugged her for a long time, letting her process and still down. When she finally started squirming I knew she was hunky-dory and so I let her let loose. She leaned into me, her little head tucked in under my jaw.

"I didn't mean to forebode you Jakey, daddy… sometimes I just forget…"

I kissed her read/write head,"It's OK little one… I get it. I'm not mad at you."

She leaned away from me, looking at my face carefully,"Is mommy mad at me ?"

I shook my head teacher,"Not really sweetie. She's just stressed right now, so she could use your help if you don't mind ?"

She nodded her little head,"I'll be skillful daddy… I'll do better."

I put my hand on her header and tussled her hair, wondering at how her petty top dog was so small the entire thing seemed to fit in the medallion of my hand…

I wrinkled my nozzle at her,"It's not that big a deal, clitoris. It's just important to mommy…"

I stopped myself, realizing I was lying to her, netherworld, I was lying to myself…

"Actually, that's not truthful. It's of import to both me and mommy. Can you try to be a big girl and call up to foretell me daddy ?"

She nodded, her human face still filled with sadness…

I didn't like that…

I thought on the billet. youngster were just same dogs. You could correct behavior with a precipitous word, or by punishing, but the good way, I knew was to give them some incentive. Some goal to work towards…

"Did you like the llamas at Ben's lieu today ?"I asked her, trying to get her to refocus.

She nodded eagerly,"I loved the llamas…"

I narrowed my eyes at her and leaned in conspiratorially."Do you want to see the llamas again ?"

She clasped her delicate custody together and nodded eagerly,"Yes please."

I smiled at her,"What do you say we make a mess ?"

"What sort of great deal ?"

"wellspring, if you remember to bid me daddy all week, that's seven days from today, then the next weekend, I'll ask Ben if we can go out to his home again, and see the llamas."I explained.

Her eyes got broad,"Can I mount one ?"

I smiled at her,"They aren't my llamas, so I can't promise you that, but I'll ask Ben if you can ride one of his llamas if you call me daddy all week."I leaned closer to her, holding my hand out to her,"heap ?"

She looked at me, then at my manus,"I'll try… but I forget sometimes…"

I smiled at her,"Tell you what. If you forget, then we'll restart the week, and restart the softwood over again. carnival ?"

"So, if I forget, I can't go see the llamas ?"She asked.

I shrugged,"Well, Ben told me that he only wants big girls around his llamas. A big girl can remember…"

She grabbed my manus,"I'll remember. I'll be good."

That concerned me,"Button ? If you forget, it isn't you being bad. This is new to all of us. I get that. We need to all be patient role with each other, okay ?"

She leaned in and hugged me again. I kissed her head as I picked her up and set her back down, handing her her tablet.

She looked at me with those big eyes of hers,"Thank you daddy."

I tussled her capitulum,"You're welcome, clit. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

She nodded as her toy sucked all of her care in.

I went back into the kitchen…

Casey had the pan back on the burner, and she was just finishing up cleaning the mess she had made of the stovetop.

Leaning against the countertop I looked at her. We both knew that we needed to blab out about what had just happened, but I didn't want her to opine I was pissed at her, so I let it sit and simmer, giving her sentence to recollect, to litigate what was going through her head.

She put bonce in a carve up pan and turned the burner down on the sauce before she looked at me…

Shaking her head, she moved closer to me. I held my arms out, waiting for her to come in and get a hug, she looked like she could use one…

She took one look at me and I could see anger and frustration flash across her features. She clenched her jaw as she looked at me. She was raging with me, but for the life of me, I couldn't public figure out why.

"What did I do ?"I asked.

She deflated, wrapping her branch around herself…"Why do you have to be so fucking perfective tense ?"

I stepped forward, setting my hands on her shoulder joint,"I'm not complete kiddo…"

She looked at me, sorrow in her oculus,"I don't know what to say…"

I gave her a grin,"You don't need to say anything. I get it, I mean it was a bit of an overreaction, but I get where it's coming from. Don't sweat it."

That looking at of ira and frustration flashed across her feature of speech again as she shook her head…"Why can't you just get furious like a normal soul ?"

I raised an eyebrow,"You want me to yell at Roo because she forgot to call me daddy ?"

She held her hands out,"Why not ? Apparently it's soundly sufficiency for me ? I mean I can yell at my little girl over that !"

I kneaded the muscles in her articulatio humeri,"Kiddo. This is sturdy. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, but right now we just all motivation to be patient, with each former, and with ourselves. We need to realize it's challenging for all of us, and it's only going to get hard if we start getting frustrated with each other."

"I don't want you to get frustrated with her. I don't want you to yell at her. I want you to get frustrated with me. I want you to be angry at me ! For love's sake, you should hate me !"She exclaimed.

I let my left deal line up its way to the side of her grimace, letting my thumb swoop against the smooth skin of her cheek."Do you think I don't fear ? That it doesn't matter to me ?"

Tears welled up in her eyes…"I know you care. That's what makes this so surd. That I fucking know you charge, and yet you just celebrate bottling it up. And I know. I know that it's going to get you hate me… I just want you to mishandle up about it. Yell at me. Tell me I'm being a bad mother for yelling at our girl. Break some bastard. Put your hand through a bulwark, just don't keep pushing it down."

She stopped, and I could see her fighting with her emotions, trying to find the right Logos to let them out. Finally, she settled with,"Just don't start hating me… I…"she shook her foreland,"I couldn't take that. Not now. Not after I finally have you in my spirit just the way I want you…"

I raised her face so I could see her eyes,"You want me to punch you in the fount ?"

Her shoulder joint sagged,"Yes. Something… anything…"

I balled up my right fist and very gently set it against her jaw,"Hadouken…"

The tears fell from her eyes…"Please… don't joke about it… don't put it off like it's nothing…"

I pulled her in tight and hugged her, shaking my head…"See, it's a Street attack aircraft joke…"

She shook her head,"I know goofus… I used to playact Street hero with you, commend ?"

caressing her cervix, I nuzzled her face with my nozzle."I'm disturbance. I want those years back, but I'm not getting them, no thing how tempestuous I get. There's a voice of me that does require to yell and scream."I pushed her back and put my hands on either side of meat of her head, making her look at me,"But I want you more. I want Roo. I love you both, and I'm not going to do anything to lose another day with either of you. Do you take heed me ?"

She nodded, but I could narrate I wasn't getting through to her…

I could feel her slipping away from me… I could feel her guilt starting to kill her honey for me…

I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg for her to stop…

Instead I gave her head word a honorable severe mini-shake."catch it. Snap out of it. You want me to detest you ? Keep doing what you're doing. Keep fucking this up. Keep pushing me away from you, because if you do that, I will end up hating you."

Her middle softened, and filled with tears again.

I shook my oral sex at her,"Just love me, and let me love you… okay ? It's not going to be well-situated, and it's not going to go away tomorrow. We're just going to necessitate to keep working at it. We are all going to have highs, and we're all going to have first gear. We just have to figure out how to help each other to figure this all out and how to ferment through what we're feeling. I'm not pissed right now, but in a workweek, who knows ? At that pointedness, it will be your bit to pick me up, the way I'm pick you up right now."

She nodded weakly,"I love you… I'm so sorry…"

My eye hardened and I gave her headspring another minuscule shake,"And stop apologizing. Fucking man up, and get on team let's get this fixed."I let my hands slip down and enclose my forefingers into the front loops of her jean, pulling her close. My rim found hers."The team me and Roo are on now… and put out like there's no tomorrow…"

She giggled and shook her caput as she wrapped her blazon around me, pulling me into that big hug I knew she needed from earlier and I knew that things were going to get better…



Chapter 26

That nighttime we lay in bed together, tangled in the bed sheet and each other. She snuggled her face into my chest. I sighed, both in contentment, and as a issue of the fact that I couldn't get my encephalon to shut out off…

"What are you thinking about ?"She asked me.

I shook my head,"All the shite I need to get done…"

She lifted her drumhead off of my chest and looked at me,"Like what ?"

"Like get a job for the summertime. Like figure out what the hell is going on with my mom."I trailed off a bit, letting my brainpower try to catalog the final exam big matter that needed done…"Like how the fuck I'm going to deal with dropping out of school…"

"What ?"She exclaimed, choler filling her voice.

I was surprised by her reaction. It seemed like the obvious thing that needed doing…

She crawled up my body a bit,"You are not quitting school. Don't even say something so stupid, hell, don't even think something so stupid."

I shrugged one shoulder,"Casey… I have a family to patronage now… I need to get a job."

She ground her teeth, sticking her jaw out at me. I could tell that something about what I had said really pissed her off…

"Roo and I were doing just ticket taking aid of ourselves a week ago. Don't head start pulling that manly bullshit now. You and I are going to cultivate as a team now, you said it yourself. We're squad let's get this fixed. I don't program on becoming Susy woman of the house just because you brought your swinging dick around."

I looked down,"I don't really think it swings… I mean, what would be the opposite of vacillation ? I don't even think it's all that impressive…"

Her face went blank, and I could tell my attack at humor fell well short of the goal…

"Ha. Ha. My position are splitting with laughter."

I smiled at her, trying very heavy to make her understand."Look, yes. You're decent, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't take upkeep of yourself, or of Roo… It's just… I mean think about it. What, I'm just going to pack up come Fall metre, like you and Roo a well-chosen couple of months and take off back to school ?"

She looked at me like I had just suddenly turned into a titan iguana. She shook her head at me,"No. When you have to go back to school, we're going to jam up, and all of us are going back with you, as a family."

That took me by surprise…

I shook my head at her…

She suddenly bit her lip and looked down at my chest,"I mean, if you want me and Roo to come back with you… I guess I should birth asked that before I just assumed…"

I put my handwriting against her face in sudden panic, raising her head up to look at me."Of trend, I would want you and Roo to come back with me ! I just thought…"

My thoughts trailed off. What had I thought ?

"I mean, I can't just make the two of you uproot and come charging off after me. That's completely selfish ..."I tried to connect all my thoughts together, and found them to be a mishmash in my head."I can't ask you to just give up your lives here…"

She put her hand against my font. Her skin was smooth, and poise against my cutis. I could see thwarting in her face.

Her oculus met mine,"I'm going to say something, and I want you to try not to take it personally, okay ?"

I nodded,"Okay…"

She took a late breather and let it out prompt,"babe, Roo and I don't have much of a life here without you…"

That slammed into me punishing. I suddenly felt like a complete failure. Like I had failed to provide for my family…

She poked me concentrated in the chest,"You promised !"

"Ow !"I exclaimed,"What ?"

"You weren't going to take that personally !"I saw the guilt jibe into her again, and wished very a great deal that I had controlled my reaction better…"I'm going to try it your way, okay ?"

I raised an eyebrow at her,"My way ?"

She put her hand against my chest,"Yes. I'm going to try to center on what needs to be done. I'm going to try to put the past tense behind me. Roo's life, and my life sentence were okay without you, but I realize now, it's so much best with you in it. That being said, I realize now, I'm just in a holding pattern. Like I was waiting for you to come in and be a theatrical role of my life again, and without that, I just chose not to live. I realize now, everything I was doing was literally helping hand to mouth. I wasn't trying to work up a life for me and Roo. I was feeling sorry for myself, and that's not on you. You tried. You tried to get me to come up and exist with you, you tried to get me to go to school, and I was so busy feeling sorry for myself and letting guilt run my life I refused.

"I'm not doing that any Sir Thomas More. We don't have much here, and that's the stop. We're not making a huge sacrifice in giving up what we have here."I could see her Scripture catching up to her,"All we're really doing is riding the coattails of your life…"

I pulled her in closer and kissed her forehead,"No, you're not. We're going to work up a life-time together. I'm sorry that I said anything different than that. I realize now, how much bettor my life is with you and Roo in it."

It was then I realized what was making me hesitate. What was giving me doubt,"I think I realize now why I was volition to give it up…"

It made me feel really guilty…

"I wasn't really all that happy in school. I just felt like I was going through the apparent motion. I had no real end goal…"I looked at her, and school just felt a lot more than important…"now… now I really want to get school day done. I want to complete law school. Not just for myself, but for you and Roo too. I want to bring home the bacon for you both. I want you to both have the practiced things in liveliness. I want Roo to go to the full schooling, and have the full things, to have all of the matter she needs."

She tilted her head,"Don't be silly, and don't be one of those asshats that starts talking about how often money makes your life story better."

I shook my head and smiled at her,"And don't you be naïve. You and I have both been poor. We understand, money doesn't make you glad all of a sudden, but it certainly helps to keep a lot of misery away. I'm not talking about stuff for the sake of clobber, I'm talking about making sure I can shoot fear of us. Making sure we have opportunities."

She smiled and sneak me a kiss,"Better."

A thought occurred to me then…"So how do you need to do this ?"

She tilted her head,"Do what ?"

"Moving back."

She took a deep breath…"That depends. Do you want to stay here for a while ?"

I nodded my straits, afraid to render it breath,"At to the lowest degree until I know what's going on with my mom…"

She nodded,"I was thinking the same thing."

I shrugged,"Dad said I could get a summer job with him. I'm cerebration that might be a good melodic theme. It would get us through the summer, and then at the end of the summertime, we could act back… my old apartment would work for us I think. It has two chamber. One is an office right now, but I could clear all of my books out of it, set up someplace else, and there'd be a bedroom for us, and one for Roo."

She smiled,"And I could get a job."She play punched at me,"And I'd be a petty prole bee while you went to school."

I grimaced… she wasn't going to like this…"Kiddo… I think you might be forgetting a few things."

"Like what ?"

This was going to be unvoiced to put in a way that wasn't going to hurt her feelings…"How lots do you pay for childcare right now ?"

"fountainhead, your fellowship helps me well-nigh of the time…"She admitted.

"When we go back, we're going to be looking at probably a thousand one dollar bill a month for that alone…"

I could see her face pearl."And if I'm checking groceries…"I could see some lifetime parachuting back in her center,"I still make Thomas More than a one thousand dollars a month !"

I smiled at her,"I know, but is it worth it to mislay all that time with Roo for a couple of hundred dollars a month ?"

She moved closer to me and I could feel a fierceness enter her body,"Yes. I'm going to help us. I'm going to help our little home."

I felt a fierce sentiency of pride in her."Maybe you should come to school day with me ?"

She shook her head,"No. If I did that, I would just require to pay for childcare and I wouldn't be bringing in money."

I tilted my head teacher at her,"You don't want to go to school day ?"

I could see a unhappiness come into her boldness,"I do… I just… I want to provide for us too…"

Smiling at her, I asked,"If you went to school, what would you want to do ?"

She pushed her hair back behind her auricle,"I want to be a teacher…"

I smiled at her. She had always wanted to be a teacher…"Then you need to go to school. You won't ever be a instructor unless you go to school."

That fierceness entered her gaze again, and I knew, the argument was over. I had lost."You want to founder me and Roo the finest thing ?"

I nodded,"Absolutely."

"Then end schooling. When you get a job, then I'll go back to schoolhouse. In the meantime, I'll find something to take maintenance of us. I'll avail to put you through school, and then you help me. Deal ?"

I shook my school principal at her,"Deal."



Chapter 27

We all sat in the doctor's office. Me. Casey. Roo. Dad. Deb and Adrianna.

We all had that hangman at the gallows look on our look. We were all waiting for the shoe to drop.

The doctor looked at us, smiling. It was laborious to tell what kind of smile it was. Was it one of those, ‘ everything is going to be sanction'smiles, or was it one of those, ‘ I really need to appear like I care because I'm about to give you some really bad news program'smiles…

He opened a little pamphlet and looked over my mom's information, studying it. When he looked up, his smile got a slight wider.

"well, we got the solvent back from the pathology lab…"

He let the entropy sit in the air so long you could finger the latent hostility in the room grow.

It was dad that finally had enough,"fountainhead, spit it out doc. What's the intelligence ?"

The doc nodded, smiling wider,"No cancer."

I let out a sigh, releasing the tension I hadn't known had even built up.

Deb was still recovering from the operating room, and she still had the staple fibre in her neck from the work they had done to varnish her back up. Her voice was still a little on the gravely English, mostly from the terms that had been done to her neck. She tired easily…

"So what was it ?"she asked.

He shrugged,"Don't know."

All of us kind of looked at him in dumb shock. How could they not cognise ? How could there be thousands of one dollar bill in medical Federal Reserve note. Hundreds of 60 minutes of work by trained master and nobody know ?

He smiled again, this time wider,"These things happen. You'd be surprised how common they are. Sometimes our bodies just do weird thing. produce off unearthly little tendrils of stuff. Most of the prison term, we never notice. Deb, you just had one of the unity that causes problems, and that made us notice."

"What happens now ?"Dad asked.

The doctor nodded,"Well, nothing really. We get Deb all healed up. We keep an eye on the field going forward. Maybe do some sonography every year or so to make indisputable nothing is going to originate back."

Deb's face was filled with so practically relief my heart and soul wanted to sing for her…



Chapter 28

Casey lay beside me, breathing hard from the effort of our lovemaking.

I held her close, my right arm circled around her, my left paw playing with the hairsbreadth on her head, brushing at her bangs. I was fighting off that feeling of sleepiness…

That beautiful impression of absolute bliss that comes after connecting intimately with mortal we love…

I felt her excite a bit against me, sensing her looking at me and her desire for me to await back at her. Looking at her, all I could do was grinning. She made me so fucking happy…

She nibbled at her lip, looking at me like she was nervous…

"Can you stay there, right there for just a 2d ?"Her voice was placid, wide of doubt…

I smiled at her and nodded, afraid that if I spoke I would shatter her into a million pieces.

She crawled out of the bed and went over to her chest. She opened the top drawer and took something out. When she came back, she had my ring.

She held the box out to me and I felt my heart drop into my stomach…

She was giving my ring back to me…

She smiled at me,"If you give it to me now… I'll take it…"

I felt my eyebrows crawl up my os frontale like they were trying to bunk my face.

She smiled again as I looked at her.

I opened the ring box up and looked at it,"Well… I don't know…"

She slapped my arm.

"will you marry me ?"

She smiled, nodding her header as she took the ring. My heart sang as she took it out of the box and put it on her finger.

I smiled at her,"It looks sound on you."

She nodded, cradling the ring to her chest, holding it close.

I shook my head, trying to understand,"Why now ?"

She lay down against me, pushing her body against mine once again,"I was sitting there in the doctor's authority today and the sentiment hit me… what if it was me they were talking about. What if I was sitting there with you, and we were wondering if I was really sick ? What if we were sitting there and it was you. What if I had to sit there and question if it was you that was macabre and maybe dying ?"

She shook her head,"I'm done wasting away my animation. I fucked up, and if you were mad at me, I'd have to eat that and learn to live with it. You say you want to be with me. Maybe I need to trust that. In the end, I need to just do what I can and avail us both to move on with our lives. Maybe you're wild with me. Maybe this won't employment out, but one thing I know for certain… I know how badly I want you, and I know how badly I fucked up trying to keep that from you. I'm done with that and I want to spend the rest of my life making my mistake up to you…"

I grabbed her deal and pulled her close, kissing her, knowing that she was right. In the end, all we were going to have was each other.

We would find a way to make that enough…





The End





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