`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding high up above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge floor, '' a charwoman with a plummy accent insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was hebdomad ago ! '' I explained.

'' well it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a wispy promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this evening, that should give you time for exhibitioner and a cheese beefburger. ``

'' That 's rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving London darling, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't own much alternative really, so I thew my dick in the old transit at knocking off time and headed bout mums for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 due east bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car ballpark but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned Town house with a few steps up to the social movement threshold and a few down to the cellar, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to first floor grade then render, a red brick social organisation basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're other, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to please, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hallway. She looked of late thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen door opened, `` Mistress, '' a miss 's voice trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maids kit about four sizes too small, her breasts swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must take been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your orb back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell the umber, '' she insisted, `` Really the pocket-sized mindedness of the typical British doer never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that fancy woman. ``

'' Do n't agitate it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my sexual taste, nor yours for that thing. ``

She led me through to the lounge, strangely the story was as I left it, sealed tongue and furrow disinvest pine tree, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong spirit of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement roof. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The level, '' she said, `` Leaks, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water escape, '' I explained, `` But the occasional spillage should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it reek of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had better see the cellar, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store elbow room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water supply, '' I said, and I rubbed my digit against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbery go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drain, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said seal, come upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me certify. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our Guest the job. ``

'' mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man schoolma'am ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a hour, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her best but her titty still bulged from her top and at to the lowest degree the bottom distich of inch of her kitty were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please fancy woman, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid small fry, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No damned wonder it leakage and stinks, have n't you ever heard of flush toilet, Seth Thomas can, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your low apt creation have you no knowledge of water sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the living room floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to living quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some place,

'' come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a good grown cony. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a prissy inflexible forearm to the transitory stiffness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob thunder if I 'm dependable. ``

'' She 's very, honey to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny clenched fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like cock, '' the schoolma'am said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing flooring ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of course of action I got a surd on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' 90 seven percent of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority voodoo Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the choice I would favor the old Thomas crapper urinal to the living room floor any day. ``

'' But, given the selection of her oral cavity, my oral cavity, in my hair, in her tomentum, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mode takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to prevent chamber pots under the bed when my magisterial dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my point Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't reply, does n't the persuasion of your urine arcing through the air to soak my wearing apparel, my bandeau, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are soundless yet your cock speaks book, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` poor people missy she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stunned, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing article of clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intent and aim, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walks in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the shit goop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the lavatory, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a gripe. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my manus down my jeans, my rooster was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` delight ! ``

'' Look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic activity not readily mistaken for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should make explained what you had in mind when you had the place done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly Harrisons are apt, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a triviality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you unresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not bring around the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper sealing, '' I told her.

'' How lots ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coat, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its nonsensical ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasolene, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouth, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper middle class bitch, who would n't desire to piss in her grimace ? but Pippa, well, to be dependable I just wanted to ram my straining cock trench in her sweet pink pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of workplace. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for ages have you sweetie ? ``

'' No fancy woman, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like cock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys schoolmarm, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers peter, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a mild speckle for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a flexible putz on every 1 level.

'' If we do this, like we need the completely room bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the finale coat before you can risk using it again, twelve hour before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the trading floor like a shower, tile the walls a bit too, not E. B. White but maybe slate grey or something, then you can play there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary cadence and for those awful wet nights, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really require to take out the existing, joystick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball green, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two daylight, then you 'll involve a plumber to do the shower caput or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Mon week if I can get the tiles, if you 're not fussed colouring material wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` email me the final mention and I am sure we have a mickle. Can I get you a looking glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the bulge in my denim.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' commodity, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` good day Pippa, nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed deep red, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The Tradesman 's entrance is down the tone to the rightfield, '' she explained, `` Goodbye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the transportation with a big grinning on my face, I just turned a ailment into two days paid work.

Now that 's a resolution,

Oh you wanted to see about the other stuff, now hang on, I 'm a constructor not a fucking degenerate !

To be continued