My outset Lesbian Experience

It was late. It was raining. And gloomy. And cold.

The sound of the folk group wafted down the street from the Flying Horse as I nibbled at something that might once receive been a cod before it was cremated and sealed in cardboard flavoured yellow concrete and stuffed in newspaper with piece of raw potato.

I opened the pub door as the magnetic north grub premier ( and only ) sapphic anti Pedophile band Boris and the Pedos sang.
"String the buggers up"
"String the buggers up"
"There's nothing as vile as a pedophile, so string the buggers up !"An audience of three pare promontory and an old codger who mistook it for dominoes dark sat there bored out their skulls.

"All right Johnno ?"Boris the lead vocaliser shouted as her band rested between numbers.

Nearly bald, five five over twenty Lucy Stone, squeezed into additional tumid jeans three sizes too minuscule with a leather cap what had probably been old when the first human race war was on she was the sort of butch lesbian who got butch lesbians a bad figure.

nous you the way she liked fucking convicted pedos up the ass with a sled hammer handgrip made me question whether she actually was a lesso. She had cracking freshwater bass baritone horn phonation though, pathos she was modulate deaf.

"Not so bad, how's it going ?"I asked.

"Not so bad,"she said,"Any front-runner ?"

"Bit of poetry ?"I suggested,"The gallows tree ?"

"Sit thee down, and residuum awhile."
"And watch the lonely pedophile."I started

"As swaying gently in the air, he dangles from the gallows tree !"she finished, ah that's poetry.

"You can't bring food in here,"Sandra the barmaid shouted.

"Its from the kabob shop, I don't reckon it counts as food,"I moaned.

"Them fucking cunts hates us,"Harley Charlie, the moped riding chief skinhead announced,"They ought to fuck off back where the come from."

"Where fucking Oldham ?"his mate asked.

"Who gives a fuck, Lashkar-e-Taiba have a sing song, that old one,"he said drunkenly,"White drop of Dover !"

"We'll eats Pedos over, the White drop-off of Dover, tomorrow just you wait and see."

"We'll get all them bastard and chuck the residuum over after,"I suggested,"Then we'll be fucking Pedo free !"

"You got the give-and-take Johnno ?"Boris asked.

"No I just fucking made it up, Jesus fucking christ."I replied.

"Make a cracking record,"Charlie said, and he stood up,"Need a shit, get the drinks in Nobber."

"Why the fuck do I always get to get the beverage in ?"Nobber asked.

"‘ lawsuit your on welfare, no one else got any cash ?"I suggested.

"Fucking grueling work, welfare, having to remember to fucking limp."Nobber said, but no one gave a fuck.

"What you having Johnno ?"Sandra asked.

"Anal ?"I suggested.

"To imbibe not later you filthy bastard !"Sandra retorted and Boris flashed me a black spirit, she must have thought she had pulled.

"Rats piss,"I said.

"You can have one Stella ‘ cause I know what your like after a few pints eh Mr Floppy !"Sandra laughed.

"All fucking right, it was only once."I stammered as me face went smart red,"Ever ready me."

"Fuck anything anything any fourth dimension ?"St. John the Apostle Hunt the bookie from Matson street walked out the bog and started taunting me. Hunt the snatch as we called him.

"Long as its over 18, and has a snatch and a impulse,"I protested.

"Like a cow ?"he laughed.

"Technically they has a entrance hall not a cunt,"I said using my superior intellect gained from watching pointless fucking game shows and similar crap on pointless fucking daytime TV.

"Her then,"he said pointing at Boris.

"fuck off she's a fucking Lesso."I said supportively.

"fifty dollar bill British pound says you can't."He suggested.

"fifty dollar bill quid each ?"Boris asked.

"Two hundred, make up it five !"hunting the bitch taunted.

"Christ,"Boris said,"I could use a few chaw as it happens."

"Oh for fucks sake,"Hunt sighed,"I was taking the piss."

"We heard,"Harley Charlie chuckled,"What you reckon Johnno ?"

"Yeah, why not, I'm up for it."I lied. Jesus it would be halfway to turning fucking gay. Fucking a fat bald geezer even if it did experience a cunt somewhere under the ugly great flexure of belly skin.

"This I just got to see !"Sandra said. What I didn't know was she texted all her mates and said to get round and watch.

"So what's your game ?"Nobber asks Leigh Hunt the Cunt.

"Just like to see Lesbos sorted out,"he sniggered.

"Wants a share of the CCTV rights more like,"I sighed knowing one-half of Saudiafuckingrabia had seen my ass bobbing around on some porn channel streamed from the CCTV as I gave Sandra a portion one night after ringlet up.

"cub what do you take me for ?"search asked.

"Money grabbing cunt,"Harley Charlie said nicely.

"Yeah well making money's me hobby ennit ?"Hunt laughed,"Go on. I'll make it a opulent each."

"I dunno,"I said,"What you reckon Boris ?"

"If your up for it I am."she said,"I need the cash."

"getting up for its the problem,"I thought to me self as I tried to shut me eyes and think of England, or actually that shot in Nippon smut Farm three where the Jap young lady all strip off on the parade background and bug out doing physical exercise until the blokes start fucking them.

It was no good, me cock did a passable impersonation of a French S Cargo ( Snail ).

"In the plunk for room ?"I suggested.

"lock chamber the door Sandra,"William Holman Hunt suggested.

"Fuck that me mates is coming,"Sandra explained.

"Oh fucking jesus."I thought.

"right hand lets do one More set of can buy me love,"Boris called as she twanged a frightful row from her authentic Chinese Scatocaster Guitar, It might get worked unspoiled if she had noticed it was for 120 volts not 240 but reading and thinking were not exactly her strong points.

"Buy me a diamond ring you cunt and you can slumber with me tonight."
"Stick it up me bum you cunt and I'll make it all seem right.
"Cause all I want is,"“ portion of money and Money can buy me do it,"
"Can buy me luh-uv,"
she wailed.

Poor old Macker Lennon must ingest been turning in his pit.

Actually the pub was filling nicely.

Boris was starting another set.

"Tie a piece of ass pedo round the old oak Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree
If he fucking dies its all right wing by me."

"Who writes this bastard ?"Hunt asked.

I never admitted anything,"Its caustic remark,"I said.

"fucking racialist,"he said shaking his head.

"Across the sea, where all the priests are paedophile, ''
"Celibate means the nooky lot are gay."Boris warbled to what might well feature been supposed to be the tune to"Danny Boy."

"the Nazarene interest Johnno she'll be on the racist turd next do something !"Sandra hissed in me lug hole as the pub filled with her mates.

I stepped up to the mike, I got a half decent voice, well it was ok trough it broke, sort of split down the middle more like, when me balls dropped."You all know this one,"I shouted and started singing a crapello, that means on me tod.

"The Dew on the hayfield, the mist on the stream.
The river runs down to the sea."

"We gather together to recognise the dawn
and England belongs to me."

Boris's mate crashed in a few random chords on Bass Guitar which was Handy because I started far too high school

"So bugger the spaniards and bugger the frogs, and bugger the old EEC
The unscathed fucking Eurozone can get gourmandize 'cause England belongs to me."

"Italians are pedopiles so are the Krauthead, the brush up have all got VD
So lets get and construct an atomic bomb and blow them to buggery."

"And blow them to Bug, and blow them to Bug,"

"And brag them to bug er ree !"I finished as a solo and then tried to clear a run for it.

"Bloody hell that was fucking brilliant !"this pissed up tart with DD tits and blonde haircloth straight out of a spray can who might have passed for 25 on a dark night where you couldn't see the wrinkles under her oculus cooed as she pressed her knocker against me.

Suddenly S Cargo turned to frankfurter, well more similar Calluna vulgaris hold if I'm honest ‘ crusade I wont see twenty again in a hurry like either.

"Ohhh you are a big boy,"she cooed as she cupped me balls through me jeans.

"Its now or never,"I thought as I pulled away from her.

"And now the main consequence,"I said,"Drum roll please Karen."

"I'm fucking Elsie you blind twat !"the drummer replied but she started smacking hell out of the barrel skins all same.

"Go for it ?"Boris asked.

I nodded.

She pulled down her skin tight extra large dungaree and the grownup roll of pink belly fat you ever did see cascaded down completely hiding what looked like a tiny yoke of pink panties.

Me ardour was fading. ( Posh lingo for me pecker was shrinking, fast )

"joint it anywhere no one will discover !"Boris hissed as I dropped my pants and pushed her against the bar.

Now any sensible fucker would sustain rubbered up but I didn't have metre, and anyway contrive A was to shoot up somewhere under a bowl of flabby under her belly clitoris but wouldn't you know John Thomas went straight for the moist spot. I reckon she must have fancied the blonde cocotte with the DDs same as I had.

The feel of me bare cock head on a moist bitch mouth is much the Saame whether its Brianny or Mad Donna or someone what looks like some fuckers grandad and I made the error of shutting me eyes.

Next fucking matter I was going for it. Fucking JT was in. Right up, that fucking flab was easygoing as fuck and just flowed out the way. She was truly fucked. I was truly fucked.

"Oh god."I moaned but I never had the good sense to stop.

"No don't that feels too Nice, for nooky sake Johnno !"Boris was wailing.

I started going for it, like a fucking terrier against a wellington boot, it felt too fucking dependable. It was all wrong and then the pressure release alarm system went off in me bollocks.

"Ready or not I'm coming !"I shouted and to a bloody big cheerfulness I shot me load.

"impostor !"somebody cried.

"He fucking didn't he slimed me !"Boris protested and she showed three of her podgy fingers inside her and dragged them out glistening with spunk.

shtup applause all round, fucking ten stone and a bit wuss and a butch les. It must make looked hilarious, like one of them little virile spider fucking them huge female black widder spider except I hadn't been ate yet.

"Pay prison term,"I said as lav Hunt tried to sneak away.

"Fair do's you earned it,"he laughed and he flashed a wad of notes. I flicked through.

"And the eternal rest,"I said without counting.

He coughed up another ton or so which brought it just over two thousand which was fair.

"You really would know anything you fucking dirt ball,"Sandra said.

"shag pot calling the fucking kettleful,"I said,"At least I get a rattling not a one-half of laager and a few chips."

"Too shay,"she said,"Anyway its India rubber for you now, you don't know where that's been."

"Fucking morning after oral contraceptive, is the late night chemist still open up ?"I asked.

"I crumbled two in her vodka and orange,"Sandra said,"somebody has to look after you."

"I know,"I said,"I am grateful."

"Elsie says if I have IVF and have triplets we can get a 3 sleeping accommodation council house straight away,"Sandra said all guiltless like.

"Not that fucking grateful,"I said as Boris decided not to bother trying to force her belly back in her denim but to stick the spare mike up her snatch instead as she launched in to song.

"He's got a Pedo's bollocks in his paw,
He's got his shaft and bollock in his hand,"and as she sang,
'' He's got a Pedo's nut in his hand, '' again the the audience joined in with.
"And he'll rip the fuckers off !"

"There ain't no room for Pedo's in this Land,"they continued.

I'd had enough, I felt mad, that was pretty low fucking a ugly butch Les for money, Ok practiced than wholesale roads or collecting tax or walking the streets like a plodding but pretty bloody low.

I opened the door. There were half a dozen uniforms sheltering in the porch.

"Oh its you Allthwaite,"the Police police sergeant said knowingly,"Off domicile ?"

"Nah off down the Mosk for Fri Prayers."I corrected him.

"Its Tuesday,"the serjeant corrected,"This valet de chambre is your actual Black Muslim Gay Lesbian Transsexual phallus of every bloody minority the home office has ever heard of and plenty to a greater extent beside, arrest him at your peril."

My reputation had preceded me"Box ticking,"I agreed.

"Just shag off."He said.

So I did, and they arrested some bloke who came out his gaff in his nightshirt to complain about the row.

Its a curious old world.

And that was me beginning Lesbian experience .