missive to a passion. We all have had someone in our life sentence that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life, others, like me, have lost them.
To my love steady,

well, it 's been three twelvemonth since the net time I saw you. Three years since I 've heard your laugh. Three old age since I 've given you a hug. Three of the foresightful and most piteous twelvemonth of my lifetime.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, speak to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and trust you can hear me. Every metre I close my oculus, I see your smiling face. There are prison term I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the way.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the Sami without you to pick on me around the blast. We have n't been out on the four bicyclist either, I kinda miss my weedy footling passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The death three twelvemonth, I 've more or less kind of existed. sure, I 've tried to move on, find oneself a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been ingredient in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my question, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a retentive and healthy animation, and every clip he closes his center, he sees you, to prompt him of the infernal region that he 's caused. '' faith me lulu, I do.

I 'm not certain whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do eff deep down, I 'm at to the lowest degree partially, if not wholy, creditworthy. Never once did I mean to hurt, or disuse you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my failure on a daily, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many fashion. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did know you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the rightfulness room, our circumstances prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get tough, but, Thomas More scared that you would actually reject my love, which would crush what little spirit I had. There was also a societal panorama sweetheart, the passion I had, was n't socially satisfactory, well, at to the lowest degree toward you people would lour. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and carry you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true up deep dear in my pump

I 'm learning more every day, seeing matter now, that I missed then. The little things, the grin at just me, even when you were crying. The way your optic seemed to light up. The times that you 'd want to expend time just the two of us. The random squeeze, the periodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little sign of the zodiac you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many matter differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It 's my burden, and some 24-hour interval, I truly do struggle with it. The password are just words, i can say `` I 'm bad '' a billion sentence a day, and it would n't make any difference. No amount of `` I 'm sorry '' can bring you back, or take away the pain that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm sorry '' that really thing, is the one deep inside of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That intuitive feeling of being alone will be there forever my Sweet, because I let you down. I 'm beshrew to survive the lifetime that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My living will never be whole again. I will continue to live, probably for a very longsighted time, but, I 'll never find as truly glad as I did. Three longsighted year, is just the first footfall into the lifespan that I will lead. That life started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moments of seventh heaven, and felicity scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm happy, and proud to take shared in your liveliness for as long as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't change our past, only hope that our past tense does n't destroy our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a different type of honey, I 'm regretful for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your retention. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just care I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris